The Marriage Podcast for Smart People

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In today’s show we look at three different possible reasons why most people struggle to trust their spouse And these are reasons that lie entirely within the person who is struggling to trust. If you’re having trouble trusting because of a betrayal, that’s a different story! Today’s episode is for those who realize their spouse is trustworthy in their heads but are having a hard time getting there in there hearts.

In today’s marriage podcast, Verlynda and I give you some guidance about how to start great conversations on your date nights. We touch on cell phone use which is a classic wet blanket on connecting during dates. We also have a bonus PDF you can download called “10 Conversation Starters For Your Next Date”. Listen to the episode to learn how you can get this.

It turns out the research shows that appreciation (or the lack of it) has a significant impact on whether your marriage will thrive or not. We also discovered in the research that you can even have a positive impact on your spouse’s mental health by learning to become an appreciative spouse. In this episode, we show you why you should show more appreciation as well as how to do it!

Making your marriage more intimate can seem like a daunting task. Until you understand that there are just four basic components. We help you identify each of them and show you what you can do to take your marriage to the next level.

If you’ve stayed married for the kids and are looking for some new purpose to guide you, then this episode is for you. We don’t want you to divorce! The truth is, most couples don’t seek help for their marriage. But the good news is that if you do, there’s a lot of great help out there to get you guys back on track with new purpose and vision and intimacy in your marriage!

Here’s today’s question: “Background: I grew up in an abusive home (my father is an addict and a bully, but my mother never reported his abuse to authorities or tried to explain that what he was doing was wrong- we just pretended that nothing had happened afterwards) and my husband grew up in a home with not much affection or healthy communication. I am a newly trained mediator and I know we have issues (small issues but after 11 years they have grown to cause serious problems) but when I try and utilize my training, his radar goes up and he shuts down, Even though my communication is pretty terrible when I’m not using mediation (or at least, we have these awful cycles—he says he can’t talk to me when I’m upset (voice raised or if I’m panicky or angry) he brings up things unrelated to what we are discussing (which granted, yes, need attention, but if I’m trying to resolve something that’s bothering me and I want peace and harmony and to be a TEAM instead of petty ineffective blamers, imo, he sabotages the conversation and I go back to reptilian brain, angry or hurt mode and everything shuts down. So my question is, I’m trying so damned hard….I know he would like this stuff resolved too….but how on earth can things get fixed when he seems to prefer our dance of dysfunction???? And also, side note, I had a dream last night about being sad and single and so lonely and thinking of ways to meet someone to love and cherish me and be on the same side together….only to realize in my dream that I’m married (in my dream I had forgotten apparently) dark, foreboding stuff.

A listener wrote in with the question: “How do you set boundaries with social media? What’s acceptable to keep the marriage from the pressures of the world. For example: One spouse doesn’t like revealing pictures put out and the other is getting physically fit and feeling the need to parade?” Listen to the podcast for Caleb’s answer! A listener wrote in with the question: “How do you set boundaries with social media? What’s acceptable to keep the marriage from the pressures of the world. For example: One spouse doesn’t like revealing pictures put out and the other is getting physically fit and feeling the need to parade?” Listen to the podcast for Caleb’s answer!

This week, we have a question from one of our audience members who wanted clarity on her expectations around side effects of her husband’s testosterone therapy. “What experience do you have with testosterone therapy for men? I believe part of the cause of my husbands infidelity is due to to much testosterone pellets and an excessive need for sex. I do not excuse him for one minute for the devastation he caused. think If that is going to be an available treatment for a medical condition some kind of information and counseling should be required as to how you will feel. We are 2-1/2 years past D day finding out of multiple hookups just for sex. We’d been married for 36 years!!! He is 59 and I am 57 right now. I credit my faith in keeping this altogether with out telling anyone or counselling. Not a great idea after the fact. He’s moved on from the infidelities and I still struggle at times. Q2: I guess I’m trying to understand if testosterone can make you impulsive and have the need to have sex in abundance. I feel you should be in control if your self, but if you are on the high end of the testosterone scale 1200-1500 can it change you ? I do know hormones are powerful and make you feel all sorts of things.” Listen to the podcast episode for Caleb’s answer! This week, we have a question from one of our audience members who wanted clarity on her expectations around side effects of her husband’s testosterone therapy. “What experience do you have with testosterone therapy for men? I believe part of the cause of my husbands infidelity is due to to much testosterone pellets and an excessive need for sex. I do not excuse him for one minute for the devastation he caused. think If that is going to be an available treatment for a medical condition some kind of information and counseling should be required as to how you will feel. We are 2-1/2 years past D day finding out of multiple hookups just for sex. We’d been married for 36 years!!! He is 59 and I am 57 right now. I credit my faith in keeping this altogether with out telling anyone or counselling. Not a great idea after the fact. He’s moved on from the infidelities and I still struggle at times. Q2: I guess I’m trying to understand if testosterone can make you impulsive and have the need to have sex in abundance. I feel you should be in control if your self, but if you are on the high end of the testosterone scale 1200-1500 can it change you ? I do know hormones are powerful and make you feel all sorts of things.” Listen to the podcast episode for Caleb’s answer!

This week, Caleb answers a very touching question from Betty*, one of our email subscribers. She asked, “I responded a few months ago, rather aggressively, may I add, to your husband’s question. And of course, he graciously responded with a question that pierced through my pain and frustration and found my heart. He asked,” Do you still want to be married?” I thought about it for weeks!! Please let him know that we found a local counselor, who is also our pastor, and have been progressing, to say the least. What you two do is so vital in a world that opposes marriage and commitment in general.Thank you! Thank you! Anyways, to respond to your request, my question would be  … ” After infidelity strikes, how do you trust your husband again?” I know it takes time to learn how to trust again, but how do you truly grant yourself the space to be vulnerable in that way? Or … are you bruised for life? Sometimes I feel like I am a shell of who I once was; a child learning to be confident in herself and womanhood, it’s embarrassing.  So glad, this is anonymous! lol . Even if this isn’t broadcasted I’d love your take on this.” Listen to the podcast episode for Caleb’s answer! *name changed for confidentiality reasons This week, Caleb answers a very touching question from Betty*, one of our email subscribers. She asked, “I responded a few months ago, rather aggressively, may I add, to your husband’s question. And of course, he graciously responded with a question that pierced through my pain and frustration and found my heart. He asked,” Do you still want to be married?” I thought about it for weeks!! Please let him know that we found a local counselor, who is also our pastor, and have been progressing, to say the least. What you two do is so vital in a world that opposes marriage and commitment in general.Thank you! Thank you! Anyways, to respond to your request, my question would be  … ” After infidelity strikes, how do you trust your husband again?” I know it takes time to learn how to trust again, but how do you truly grant yourself the space to be vulnerable in that way? Or … are you bruised for life? Sometimes I feel like I am a shell of who I once was; a child learning to be confident in herself and womanhood, it’s embarrassing.  So glad, this is anonymous! lol . Even if this isn’t broadcasted I’d love your take on this.” Listen to the podcast episode for Caleb’s answer! *name changed for confidentiality reasons

Caleb answers a question from a listener about sexual addiction and its consequences in marriage.

In this episode, we take a question from one of our listeners who came to her marriage as a virgin but married a husband who was not. This became a source of some anxiety and concern for her even though she enjoyed their physical intimacy very much. We answer a couple questions and also addressed a very concerning issue about HPV, which she discovered she had contracted from her husband.

One of our listeners asked for help with his situation. His wife is in an ongoing affair but also wants to keep the family unit intact. As you might imagine, despite his willingness to forgive and move on, he is wondering how to handle this very difficult situation.

A listener wrote in asking how he could help his wife trust him after his infidelity in their marriage. Caleb gives him lots to think about!

This is episode #114 and we are going to be talking about whether or not it is possible to have a hectic life AND be happily married. So in this episode, you will find out if you need to change your career and lifestyle, or if you’re all good to go. No pressure.