The Marriage Podcast for Smart People

Being betrayed by your spouse- either though infidelity, porn use or something else- can be an extremely traumatic thing to experience. Often we struggle to come to terms with the new reality of life and our sense of who we are changes very dramatically, very suddenly. How can you begin to make sense of this trauma and move towards recovery? Today we discuss this with associate therapist Sharon Snooks and give you five key points on how to cope with the discovery of a betrayal

Theology and sex might not seem like they have much to do with each other. But in reality how you think about sex, and how you think God views sex, both have a huge impact on your experience of it. Is sex something dirty and taboo? Or is it something created by God for us to enjoy? Today we discuss these questions with Jesse Schellenberg, Associate Therapist here at OnlyYouForever. Join us for some fantastic insights into how your theology can make sex better!

Intimacy is about so much more than having sex. It’s that deep sense of connection, trust and joy that we all want to feel in our marriages. In this episode, Verlynda and I show you how to build intimacy in four different but complementary ways: through disclosure and responsiveness, knowledge and understanding, curiosity and finally through sharing positive emotions and events. If you start working on this today, it will change your marriage for the better; and it will keep getting better, too!

All couples fight sometimes. That's part of married life. The biggest issue isn't whether you fight, or how often, but how you act during conflict. Having a code of conduct or a general set of rules to follow can make conflict much easier to resolve and move on from. This countdown of the top ten rules from marriage research will hopefully give you a few things to think about in terms of how you resolve arguments with your spouse. Simple but powerful ideas about being considerate, staying focused on the present and looking for joint resolutions can all help you move away from anger and resentment towards constructive, healthy conflict.

A huge number of men find it hard to control when they ejaculate during sex, and 88% of men worry that this issue is negatively impacting sex. Men report trying all kinds of physical and mental strategies to delay their ejaculation, from changing up their technique to deliberately thinking unsexy thoughts during sex! In today's episode, we'll take you through what the research says about what does and doesn't work. But really the issue is more complex than that. Sex purely focused on delaying or controlling ejaculation is missing a vital ingredient, and that may be the deeper problem.

So you're having a disagreement with your spouse, and you're falling back into the same pattern that you got stuck in last time. And the time before that. Many couples find themselves stuck in unhelpful cycles of conflict, often where one spouse attacks or pressures and the other withdraws or stonewalls. These cycles get you nowhere and often leave you both feeling frustrated that your voice isn't being heard. So what can you do? How do you spot these cycles, and how can you break out of them in order to really deal with conflict effectively? Join us as we go through the research and the tools for getting you out of unhelpful conflict cycles.

The Bible is a fantastic place to turn for practical and powerful advice on how to make your marriage work. There are many verses throughout which can be used to gain new insights into how relationships are supposed to work today. One such verse is 1 Peter 3:7, which talks of giving honor to your wife. But what does that mean in a modern marriage? How do you give honor to someone? And what effect will this have on your marriage together? Join us as we go through the research and the Biblical truth about honor.

As Christians we believe that God created sex to be enjoyed inside the confines of a loving marriage. But not everyone comes from this world, and even among Christian couples, sometimes you end up with a situation where one of you is a virgin and the other isn't. While we believe that God can forgive all sin and we're not here to preach at you, there are some considerations that need to be examined in such a marriage. What does this dynamic do for your sex life? How does it affect your intimacy and your ability to build a life together? As always, we believe there is hope. Join us as we see how to make marriage thrive when you come from different sexual backgrounds.

1 in 10 couples will deal with infertility at least temporarily. For half that number, it may be a permanent issue. The inability to have children can throw all sorts of things into your marriage, from the pressures and expectations from family members to sex issues and having to figure out a new sense of meaning and purpose in life. The good news is that even amid these challenges, a high number of couples going through infertility become closer as a couple due to the issue. Today's podcast will help you recognize and plan for the challenges infertility can raise, and give you some ideas on how to harness the potential for good it can bring to your marriage.

Here at OYF we've both been working from home for a while, and we've figured out how to make it work for our marriage and our family. But it can be a tricky one- balancing work and family when they're in the same place all the time. The research shows that there are some possible downsides to this dynamic, but also some real positives. Working from home reduces the line between family and work, requiring discipline to keep the boundaries clear. If done right, working from home can help you be more supported, feel more connected with the kids, and be better able to pursue your own personal goals and growth. So join us as we look at how to boss working from home.

A lot of couples compete in some way, whether it's just on the mini-golf course or in more serious ways. For some people, competition is about being the best "you" you can be and pushing yourself to excel. For others, it can be an unhealthy need to prove yourself at the expense of others, rooted in issues of low self-esteem. Competing to excel and competing to win are very different things, and can impact marriages very differently. Join us as we look at the good and the bad of competitiveness, and how to tell the difference.

In many families, the kids come first. This seems to be the norm today: parents putting all their effort into looking after the young ones, at the expense of looking after each other and creating a strong marriage. But is this the best way to do things? Your family is like a little system of inter-linking parts. And there's one relationship at the center of it which affects all the others- your marriage. A loving marriage creates a stable and supportive home for your kids, while a chaotic or distant marriage throws the parenting relationships into turmoil too. So how can you prioritize your marriage, in order to look after your kids? What are the best kinds of parenting styles to use? Join us for a look into the inter-connected world of marriage and parenting.

Do you ever find yourself arguing with your spouse and then realize you have no idea why either of you are upset? Or maybe you keep getting hung up on little issues without ever really getting to the root of what's bothering you. Many couples struggle with this inability to discern what their husband or wife is really upset about. The answer is a skill called empathic accuracy: the ability to perceive what your spouse is really feeling, and then communicating this to them in a loving way. The good news is that this skill can be learned through practice. So join us as we take a look at empathic accuracy and how it can save you from getting caught up in pointless arguments over and over again.

At any one time in America, 20% of all marriages will be experiencing some kind of distress. And yet very few of these couples will take the step of seeking marriage counseling. There are all kinds of barriers that get in the way, from practical concerns to a lack of awareness, to the expectations around what counseling will involve. Today's episode will help you work through some of these barriers, as well as giving you some strategies to gently persuade your spouse that counseling is worth a try. We'll also look at why early intervention works best, and talk about how this works differently for men and women!

Chronic illness is one of those things that some couples seem to cope perfectly with, while others end up getting totally derailed by it. Either way there's no doubt that a long-term illness can have serious effects on your marriage, both for the ill spouse and their carer. The best way to deal with chronic illness in marriage is to think in terms of joint coping, rather than individual. How are we going to cope with this? It's also important to be clear about what you both need, and remember that the carer spouse needs looking after too. Join us as we discover what really works for helping couples cope with chronic illness.