Sex With Dr. Jess

This week, Jess invites professional sex educator (and professional pervert), Carly S., to the podcast. The pair discuss why dirty talk is such an important form of communication in relationships and how effective it can be when used properly. Carly is a master of dirty talk and gives Jess specific lines and examples that you can use tonight! Follow Carly on... Twitter Facebook Instagram This podcast is brought to you by Desire Resorts. 

Jess and Brandon chat about their current sexual dry spell and male sex myths. Brandon opens up about some personal concerns and Jess comments on recent research on male sexual desire. This podcast is brought to you by Desire Resorts. 

What can we learn from Tristan Thompson & Khloe Kardashian’s cheating challenges? Why do we stay with partners who cheat? And what conversations are ESSENTIAL to a happy, lasting relationship? Jess shares her answers, theories, and strategies on cheating, monogamy and relationship communication. This podcast is brought to you by Desire Resorts.  Podcast Transcript: Welcome to the @SexWithDrJess Podcast. I’m Jessica O’Reilly, your friendly neighbourhood sexologist and I’m back in Toronto today still recovering from my travels and having lost my voice aboard the Desire Resorts cruise. I had a blast on board and my highlight was definitely Florence. There’s something about that city that always leaves me wanting more and more. And on board, my highlight was just sitting on the top deck watching the shoreline and listening to DJ Willis down below. Let me tell you, life is good. I probably have one of the best jobs in the world, so thank you to Desire Resorts and Cruises for hosting me on board. Now that I’m home in Toronto…Today on The Global Morning Show, we talked about Tristan Thompson and Khloe Kardashian. Admittedly, I don’t know much at all about these two. And I’ve already had people yell at me online “WHO CARES?” But here’s the thing. You may not care about K and T. You may not keep up with them - see what I did there? But we do care about these types of stories because when we hear about happy relationships or tumultuous relationships it affects how we see our own relationships. When we hear about Tristan cheating, it can be upsetting because ultimately we never want it to happen to us. And it’s interesting because celebrity gossip is often seen as trashy or vapid. And I was looking at a post by Dr. Amie Harwick yesterday about the hazard of following celebrity gossip. Amy says “Gossiping, in general, is a rather normative behaviour,” says Dr. Amie Harwick, a licensed marriage and family therapist. “Communication about social behaviours goes back to nomadic tribes, regarding finding out who socially was to be avoided or cautious about.” But gossiping, in general, brings negativity into your life and into your relationship. And Amie adds “Such a public depiction of relationship failure can absolutely instill fear in people, whether single or in a relationship, about the likelihood of relationship failure,” Harwick says. “We take information about the world by what we see.” She goes on to explain that typically our own families and friends would model what we believe to be normal. “But with the addition of social media and tabloids, our behavior modeling now includes an immense quantity of poor, and often untrue, behaviour models,” So if celebrity gossip is bad for us, why am I talking about it today? Well, I believe that it’s essential to dissect some of this information if we’re going to be consuming it. I think it’s important that we talk about cheating — not gossip about whether Tristan did it or not, but talk about why it happens and what we can do about it. Today we’re going to do just that. I want to cover a rather controversial topic: I want to talk about why Khloe might put up with this type of behaviour. AND what it says about the way we approach monogamy and what we can do about it. To the first point — if Tristan has done this before and you believe he’s going to do it again, why would his partner put up with it? I don’t know. I don’t have the answer. I’m not in Khloe’s head, heck I’m not even following her Instagram feed. BUT I want to suggest a theory. A theory that may or may not apply to them, but certainly applies to other couples. This isn’t a popular theory. Any time I bring this up, people get pissed, but I know it’s the reality for many couples: I believe that many people know that their partne...

Jess & Brandon are in Italy aboard the @DesireResorts Cruise - a clothing optional experience for open-minded couples. Tune in to learn more about this exciting erotic experience. This podcast is brought to you by Desire Resorts.   

Goddess Lola Jean joins Jess on the podcast this week. Lola shares her perspective on life as a pro and lifestyle dom, and fetish wrestler. She also gives insights on why domming can be therapeutic and how she uses it as a way to build self-confidence. Happy listening! Follow Lola on... Instagram  Facebook This podcast is brought to you by Desire Resorts. 

Winning an Oscar triples your chances of getting divorced. And though you may not be in the running for an Academy Award, your personal and professional successes can adversely affect your relationship — but they don’t have to! Dr. Natasha Sharma joins Jess to discuss how you can ensure that your success serves to enhance — not threaten — your relationship. Follow Dr. Natasha Sharma on... Facebook Twitter   This podcast is brought to you by Desire Resorts.     

Do you want to seduce your lover with confidence and finesse? Marla Stewart can help. She joins Jess to talk about the “Seduction Learning Approach". She uses real-life examples to help you understand your own desires and your partner’s. Jess and Marla also share specific suggestions to use your words, body, actions and more to seduce your lover with confidence — and to teach them to return the favor. Follow Marla on... Facebook Instagram Twitter For more info on the Sex Down South Conference, click here. This podcast is brought to you by Desire Resorts.   

Luna Matatas joins Jess to talk about threesomes. From how to snag a unicorn to how to navigate those awkward moments, we’ve got you covered. Follow Luna on... Instagram Twitter Facebook This podcast is brought to you by Desire Resorts. 

Do you pee when you laugh? Is sex sometimes painful or uncomfortable? Is orgasm rather elusive? A pelvic floor therapist might be able to help with these concerns & more! Marcy Crouch, joins Jess on the podcast to chat about the science & application of pelvic floor therapy. Follow Marcy on... Instagram  Facebook This podcast is brought to you by Desire Resorts. 

Do you feel insecure with your partner at times? We all do. Brandon and Jess team up once again to share personal experiences and anecdotes about how they’ve encountered and tackled insecurity in their relationship. Jess also shares practical tips for dealing with your own insecurity and your partner’s. This podcast is brought to you by Desire Resorts. 

How do you prioritize sex? How do I stop myself from starting fights when I’m on my period? How can I get my partner to be more romantic? And would you leave if he cheated? Jess and Brandon (Jess’ way better half) answer listener questions and share their own stories of marriage — the good, the bad and the chocolate-chip-walnut-cookie! This podcast is brought to you by Desire Resorts. 

The Princess of Porn, Tasha Reign, joins Jess this week to discuss sexual confidence and reflect on her experience as an adult actress. She shares her unique insights and both Jess and Tasha share their top tips for boosting your sexual self-esteem. Follow Tasha on... Twitter Instagram The podcast episode is brought to you by Desire Resorts. 

How do you get over your partner’s sexual past? What is 'Ski-Poling’? How can you ensure that your family likes your new partner? And what should I do with my hands during ‘the sex’? Jess tackles these questions and more in this week’s podcast. Tune in! This podcast is brought to you by Desire Resorts. 

Jess is joined by licensed psychotherapist Miyume McKinley who answers listener questions about sex and depression. Tune in for insights on how to talk to your partner, show support and prioritize self-care when dealing with depression. Follow Miyume on... Instagram Twitter Youtube Here’s a summary of the advice offered in this podcast: If you’re managing depression: Give yourself permission to take care of yourself first. Your sex life and your partner can wait. I suggest you address the depression first with your mental health professional and then work on the sex itself. But if sex is going to take a backseat and you have a partner, you need to communicate this to them so that they understand why perhaps you’re not in the mood for sex. It may seem obvious to you that it’s the depression that’s getting in the way, but it may not be obvious to them. So tell them — in no uncertain terms that you’re taking care of yourself and it’s not personal. It doesn’t mean you’re not attracted to them and it doesn’t mean that sex isn’t a priority or won’t be moving forward, but right now you’re working on something else. And this isn’t a one-time conversation; you do have to keep checking in so that sex or the absence thereof doesn’t become an elephant in the room. Cut sex into pieces. Figure out what you like about sex most or perhaps that requires the least effort and do that — maybe you just want a quick orgasm and not the whole production. That’s fine. Do that and if you have a partner let them know. Or maybe you don’t want sex, but you’re up for making out, that’s cool too. Just because you’re not having “the sex” that you’re used to having doesn’t mean you can’t have some form of sex and all of the related benefits. Be a little more selfish. I find that my clients tend to be givers. And though it may sound like a good thing, learning to be a taker is just as important as being a giver. As a taker, you learn to show appreciation. And as a taker, you learn to be more present and experience sex as opposed to just going through the motions as a performer. If there is one piece of sex advice I’d like to spread throughout 2018, it’s to be more selfish in bed. We’ve shifted from a culture of sexual gratification to a culture of sexual performance and it’s making sex less exciting and pleasurable in many cases. So, if you’re depressed and exhausted, sleep deprived, anxious, stressed or otherwise not in the mood, you can still ask your partner to help put you in the mood. You can ask them to service you. You can ask them to grab a toy or use their hands with lube or use their mouth and let them take care of you. You’re not a burden and you deserve a lover who helps to reinforce this reality. If your partner is dealing with depression: Tell them when you’re available for support and tell them when you’re not. If you’re going to be busy, away or distracted, let your partner know so that if you’re not available they won’t take it personally and feel rejected and uncared for. A simple, I love you and I want to support you, but I’m studying for a big exam this week so I won’t be around as much Don’t give advice. Ask them what they need. And don’t wait until they’re at their lowest point to ask. It can be more helpful to chat on a good day about what they might need when they’re at a lower point. So wait for that good day and initiate the conversation. It can be hard to tell someone else what you need when you’re feeling down, unworthy, helpless and hopeless, so look for the moments when they’re not feeling like this to ask them for specific strategies you can employ when they do feel down. Express your support in multiple ways — with words, actions, physical affection. It’s helpful to know their love language but if you can be trilingual it’s even better.

Jess is joined by the brilliant and funny amateur porn star, Harper The Fox. Harper is a digital entrepreneur whose unedited sex tapes feature her having real, loving sex with her partner of 7 years. In this week’s episode, she shares her unique insights into the worlds of camming, porn and poetry — and she explains how to use toilet paper rolls as sex dolls. You don’t want to miss it! Check out Harper's book here. Follow Harper on Twitter here. This podcast episode is brought to you by Desire Resorts.