Sex With Dr. Jess

Award winning sex educator, Tristan Taormino, joins Jess to talk about spanking, gang bangs, eye candy, social justice and mind-f*cking. Why you might want to attend Sex Down South this year... How to reclaim the gang bang The role of the gang bang “host” How to discuss rules and boundaries before a group sex experience Spanking rules and tools The importance of understanding your core erotic feeling The benefits of uncovering your elevated erotic feelings The role of a service top The appeal of the mind f*ck If you purchase tickets to Sex Down South, use code SEXWITHDRJESS for 20% off! Follow Tristan on Instagram, Twitter & Facebook. Have a listen and check out Tristan’s podcast, Sex Out Loud.

On this week's podcast, panty-peddler, Lacey Bloom, joins Jess to talk about her experience selling used underwear online. What makes it so exciting and how can used underwear help to destigmatize sexual taboos? They also chat about wild requests, bodily discharge, personal kinks and finding pleasure in the mundane. Listen to Lacey weekly on The Sofia Gray Show. Follow Sofia Gray on Twitter, Instagram & Facebook. We also sat down with Sofia Gray rep, Zak Callen, to get to know the brand a little better. Check out their Q&A below! 1. Why did you launch Sofia Gray? Sofia Gray was started by a group of young entrepreneurs, who had a real interest in the adult industry. They saw that a safe and secure, well designed, quality marketplace did not exist for used underwear. Hence, Sofia Gray was born. 2. Who uses Sofia Gray - on the buying and selling side?  The demographics are pretty clear cut, the majority of our sellers are female 18-35 and the majority of our buyers are male 25-45. 3. Why would someone want to buy used panties?  There are several reasons why someone would want to buy used underwear: a) It's a kink. Several buyers are turned on the by smell, feel and sometimes even taste of used underwear, which means buying such an item is a no-brainer to them. b) The sellers. Some buyers have a real connection or infatuation with certain sellers, so much so that they want and sometimes feel they need to buy underwear from this person, to feel close to them or even support them. c) For you. Buyers also enjoy the idea of the underwear being worn for them. A lot of the time, sellers will take custom requests where they'll wear specific pairs of underwear a specific way for a specific buyer. It makes the whole experience very personal. I think the reason each buyer actually purchases underwear is unique to them, the above is just a general overview. 4. How much does the average pair trade for? The average pair ranges from $20-50. 5. Are there any strategies that tend to garner top dollar (e.g. wearing the panties for a specific period of time, sharing personal stories or pics)? The best way to gain good traction selling underwear is by creating a quality profile and being social. A quality profile consists of a descriptive bio, high quality images, several items for sale with an array of different styles, scents, colours etc., different price points for items, listing new items regularly, interacting with buyers and so much more. A lot of people think this a "get rich quick" scheme, but you are essentially starting your own business, you have to put the effort in. 6. Can you share a few of the most unusual (titillating) requests you’ve received from buyers? I think the most unusual request that we receive fairly regularly is underwear that's been defecated in. Of course this is something that is strictly prohibited on the site for hygienic and shipping reasons. 7. If you’re curious about selling, but feel reticent due to social stigma, what advice or support do you offer? If this makes you feel uncomfortable in any way, it really isn't the industry for you. Selling your underwear is intended to make you feel liberated, sexy and empowered, if you're embarrassed, it's clearly not something you should be dabbling in. That being said, if anonymity is your issue, you can remain completely anonymous while selling your underwear, you don't have to use your real name or show pictures of your face. 8. Do folks of all genders sell/buy on your site or is it primarily men buying from women? Generally it is men buying from women, however, we get people of all genders and orientations using the site as both buyers and s...

The toll of intimate partner violence struck close to home this week and with this weighing on her mind, Jess discusses nine strategies for supporting a loved one who is dealing with an abusive partner. This isn’t a private issue, it’s a public health crisis and we have to do more to protect those at risk. Content warning: I will be talking about violence and the death of someone in my community. I will be reading some of the details of a recent death, so if you don’t feel comfortable hearing about intimate partner violence and death, please stop this podcast now. This may not be for you. Last weekend Dr. Amie Harwick, a marriage and family therapist who focused on relationships and sex was killed. She was killed in her home and was found below a third floor balcony with evidence of manual strangulation according to news reports. Her ex has been charged with murder. According to reports from court documents from 2011 & 2012, her ex choked, suffocated, pushed, kicked, slammed her head into the ground and refused to get help. He pushed her out of a car. He broke into her housing complex, smashed ten picture frames against her door, left 4 dozen flowers taped to her door and left a note warning that things would get worse. A restraining order was enacted against him. It expired two weeks prior to her death. I don’t know why restraining orders expire. I’m not an expert in legal protections against violent partners and exes. But my intuition is that they shouldn’t expire. There is now a petition on change.org called Justice 4 Amie. The creator, suggests that some changes to protect those dealing with a violent or abusive partner begin with: 1. No expiration date or a longer protection term and to not be lifted until victim requests it to be cancelled. (In reference to restraining orders.) 2. Mandatory long-term counselling for the stalker/abuser. If they are deemed a harm to the victim or society, then institutionalization may be ordered. 3. Victims should not have to testify in a courtroom close to their abuser/stalker. There should be an option to live stream in a safe space in a satellite location for the hearing with the judge. It's a traumatic experience that the victim is already dealing with and should not be subjected to it again if they do not feel they can. That is why many abusers get away with their actions: many victims back out of trial due to fear of facing their perpetrator. Amie ran into this ex at an industry event a few weeks before her death. According to a friend who is quoted in several news outlets, the ex went ballistic and was abusive and threatening. Amie said she was scared he would show up at her home. She went to the police, but they did not take it seriously. You may have read headlines about Amie’s death or seen photos of her with celebrity comedian Drew Carey because they also used to date. I want to read a message from a close mutual friend, Dr. Hernando Chaves that sums up what I’m thinking because I think he says it better than I will right now: “She did everything she could do to protect herself, and this person still sought her out and was violent toward her,” Chaves said. “That is what people I hope are going to see — not the sensationalism of her dating Drew Carey or being a ‘Hollywood sex therapist’... but that our system is not protecting women.” I’ve been really anxious since I heard the news. I’m angry. I’m so sad. I’m sad obviously for Amie and her family and loved ones who were closer to her than I was, but I’m also sad that in a world where we take so many precautions to protect the public, we still aren’t doing what it takes to protect those at risk of violence from their partners. Amie and I had a lot in common.

Sex writer, Suzannah Weiss, joins Jess to share her personal experience with orgasmic meditation. She discusses: An alternative view of orgasm The very specific technique for “orgasmic meditation" The story of her first time with a stranger The high she gets from "extended orgasm" Her favourite sex club Advice for sex club newbies Follow Suzannah on Instagram & Twitter.

This is a six minute quickie! And it’s a bit of a rant about micro-cheating. From deep-liking to chatting with an ex, what behaviours are considered cheating? And how do you deal with a partner whose behaviour is making you uncomfortable? Have a quickie listen today! Please see below for a rough transcript of this podcast... Behaviours that have been classified as micro-cheating include: using emoticons, liking too many photos on an account, “deep liking” online (liking old photos), posting sexy selfies, having friends of the gender(s) to which you’re attracted, and having private DM conversations. I think this is absurd. What specifically constitutes cheating is subjective, but the micro-cheating expectations set some very narrow guidelines that simply are not realistic. In fact, some of these expectations are rooted in control, possession and monitoring that sets off some red flags with the potential to undermine respect, love and personal autonomy. Is it fair to say that anything that makes your partner uncomfortable should be classified as cheating or micro-cheating? Certainly, some of these behaviours can cause tension in a relationship, but tension itself is not evidence that your behaviour is in appropriate; compatibility and monogamy are subjective concepts — one person might be fine with their partner dancing sensually with another person and another might find it threatening. Neither is right or wrong — it’s up to you and your partner to talk about expectations and boundaries. I’m more concerned about the desire to control your partner’s behaviour than I am about many of the behaviours on the so-called micro-cheating list. What if you disagree on these boundaries and definitions of cheating? If you disagree, you run into an issue of compatibility. Again — there is no universal standard. Many of our expectations around relationships are personal, cultural and even regional. You have to talk about these issues and behaviours from the onset and you need to keep talking. It’s a conversation that requires vulnerability and work and compromise. You don’t get to call the shots and the real mistakes people make is the assumption of monogamy, and the assumption that monogamy means the same thing to everyone. It doesn’t. We have a wealth of data to support this, but people are so hung up on their belief that they are the ultimate arbiter of right and wrong that they make far too many assumptions. Let’s say you have this conversation and you still disagree. Does this mean you're incompatible? It might. But you might also need to be more flexible. If you expect to find someone who agrees with you on everything, you should stop looking. They don’t exist. It can feel that way when you first meet because you’re overwhelmed by passion chemicals, but once you get to know them, I can assure you there will be significant differences in definitions and expectations. How do you have the conversation effectively? You dig deep and get vulnerable. And you talk about feelings first. If something makes you uncomfortable, you need to identify the emotion associated with that discomfort — is it insecurity, self-consciousness, fear, threat of loss or another negative emotion? Talk about the feeling that underlies your desire or belief as opposed to debating the righteousness of a behaviour. If you don’t want your partner to text their ex, talk about how it makes you feel as opposed to discrediting the person. When you show vulnerability, it leads to more honest and meaningful conversations. And for the partner who is engaging in a behaviour that causes tension, ask yourself why it’s important to you. Why do you do it? Do you chat with your ex because you’re secretly hoping for an intimate connection or do you stay in touch because they’...

George’s wife cheated on him — twice. He still remembers the smell of the room they were in when she told him 13+ years ago. George joins us to share his story of how worked through  the infidelity and continue to grow as a couple. He shares his struggles, lessons learned and the ways in which his community supported them through the process. Many years later, they’re together and thriving just as they did in the early years of their relationship. Please see a rough transcript of this episode below.  Brandon: Welcome to the @SexWithDrJess Podcast. I’m your co-host Brandon Ware here with my lovely partner, Dr. Jess Jess: Today we’re going to be talking about infidelity and moving forward after an affair. In the past, we’ve talked about the fact that there are many ways in which you can hurt your partner. There are many means through which you can cause harm to a relationship. And that feeling hurt is a universal experience alongside the feelings of being let down, feeling alone and even feeling betrayed at times. In a world that touts monogamy as the gold standard of relationships, however, we have placed sexual cheating at the top of the transgression hierarchy. Many view cheating as the worst possible thing you can do to your partner (perhaps with the exception of physical and emotional abuse). But the reality is that cheating is common. Some research suggests that one quarter of us has cheated. I’d suggest that the number might be higher, because it’s difficult to even be honest with ourselves let alone to be honest with researchers. But relationships survive and thrive despite cheating. And whether or not someone has cheated isn’t necessarily an accurate measure of your relationship quality or fulfilment. You can be in a relationship in which no one has cheated and be miserable and you can be in a relationship in which you’ve both cheated in the past, worked through the causes and effects and be living in deep fulfilment. We’ve talked about monogamy in the past and the challenges that it presents for many people — and strict or toxic monogamy, in particular, so we won’t get into that now. Instead, we’re going to delve into a real life story of how cheating can be overcome. Joining us today to share his story of how he managed and worked through an affair in his relationship is George, who has been listening to the podcast and wrote in with his story. George: I will start off with the good news first: We have been married for nearly 16 years now, we have 3 kids and a good home.  She is a stay at home mom and I work full-time. We have a great home and a dog to boot. I need to pinch myself sometimes because we are so fortunate to have what we have, to be together with each other and our kids and to have fulfilling relationships with friends and family. 3 years in to our marriage my wife cheated on me with her boss.  The emotion behind writing this even 13 years in the future is still very raw and palatable.  I can remember the smells of the tavern we were at when she told me.  She had 2 (that she told me of) separate encounters with him.  One in their office in Chicago, another on a company trip to NYC.  My heart rate is increasing in the telling now. We were both working in lower paying, middle management jobs. We rented a crummy house in a nice community that was near where I worked and the train to the city where her office was located. We were in our late 20's and we spent our evenings and weekends drinking with my friends, smoking cigarettes and giggling. In retrospect I was avoiding adulthood. We had a lively sexual life, I thought, although she wasn't in the mood as much as I am. Truthfully, she still isn't as I am usually ready on a moment's notice. She needs the set and setting just so. Conversely,

Evguenia joins Jess & Brandon to share her personal experience with kink play, polyamory, and energy orgasms. She shares a short erotic story (The Decadent Play Party) from her book, Alice in Polyland and walks Jess & Brandon through a multi-dimensional body scan. As it was referenced on the podcast, check out Evguenia's free Healing Body Scan Exercise here. Follow Evguenia on Facebook, Instagram, Twitter & Youtube.  

Author & Sex Educator Carlyle Jansen joins us to discuss anal sex, prostate pleasure and sex toys. Carlyle shares her insights and tips regarding: How to stimulate the perineal sponge The best toys for prostate pleasure The importance of butt plugs for anal sphincter relaxation Why you want to have Goldilocks poops The water-bottle butt technique The clock technique for the prostate The importance of your knuckles when it comes to your butt The relationship between “rest & digest” and pleasure Be sure to catch "Conversations for Couples: Passion, Intimacy, Sex & More" with Jess & Brandon at Good For Her in Toronto on January 27th, 2020! Get your tickets here. The following products were mentioned in today's podcast: Loki Wave Fun Factory Duke Pleasure Plug We-Vibe Vector Aneros Prostate Simulator To learn more about anal play, listen to Episode 72, "All About Anal" here.

Author and sex education expert, Dr. Karen Rayne is a wealth of information and has developed specific and actionable strategies to help you talk to your kids and teens about sex and other difficult topics. In this episode, Karen and Jess discuss: How to talk to teens about breakups, sex, sexting, risk-taking The “one question” rule to revolutionize conversations about sex Specific “rules” for talking to teens 10 steps to break the “hush factor” when it comes to sex The benefits of considering yourself a “contractor” when it comes to your teen How to ensure that your child/teen feel supported and come to you during times of need, distress and crisis Sexting - essential rules, approaches and considerations How to stay cool when your teen is riling you up Considerations related to how much space and autonomy to give your teen As Dr. Karen referenced "The Hush Factor" in today's podcast, please see this explanatory graphic below. Follow Dr. Karen on Instagram. This podcast is brought to you by Desire Resorts.

Jess & Brandon complete the Sexual Values Questionnaire and continue learning about themselves and one another. They discuss how they feel about the physical, practical, emotional and spiritual components of sex. They also discuss sexual frequency and some of the challenges they personally face. This podcast is brought to you by Desire Resorts.

Happy holidays! In this episode, Jess and Brandon use the Sexual Values Questionnaire to explore their own sexual values. Brandon shares his experiences learning about sex and gender through sport, family and (Catholic) school and Jess shares her memories of what she learned about sex growing up. They don’t complete the full exercise, so it will be continued in next week’s episode. Feel free to try the Sexual Values Questionnaire on your own or with your partner(s) using the following questions as discussion prompts: 1. What messages did you receive about sex growing up? 2. What messages do you wish to retain and which ones do you want to reframe/discard? 3. What does sex mean to you? 4. How important is sex to you? 5. What emotional components of sex do you value? 6. What physical & practical components of sex do you value? 7. What spiritual components of sex do you value? 8. How often do you want to have sex? 9. How do you want to feel before, during & after sex? 10. How do you anticipate sex changing over time? 11. What are the sexual challenges you currently face and how can you address them? This podcast is brought to you by Desire Resorts.

What are the most common issues couples fight about? How can you argue less and effectively manage conflict? How do you find middle ground when it comes to tough topics like money, sex and time? How can you support your partner over the holidays when they’re faced with family and sibling conflict? Jess and Brandon share their stories and sex therapist and psychologist Dr. Rachel Needle weighs in with her expertise. Follow Dr. Rachel on Facebook, Twitter & Instagram. To learn more about Modern Sex Therapy Institutes, click here. This podcast is brought to you by Desire Resorts.

M'kali-Hashiki has a complex sexual history including personal experience with polyamory, non-monogamy, BDSM, and achieving mystical states during sex. She considers herself a “sexual outlaw”, as well as being a “triple minority” (Black, female, and queer); accordingly, she views society's standards on sexuality with a critical eye. In this episode, we discuss: Erotic empowerment & breath work The difference between the erotic and the sexual How to be more grounded in your body The importance of “checking in” with the butthole and with the jaw Full-body orgasms Follow M'kali on Instagram, Facebook & Youtube. This podcast is brought to you by Desire Resorts.

Nikki DaVaughn joins Jess to share insights on Domination, dirty talk, fat sex and body confidence. We cover: Scripts you can use if you want to try being more Dominant with your lover. The difference between being a Dominant and a top; the difference between being a sub and a bottom. The language of fatness: plus-size vs curvy vs fat. How her mother’s voice offset the potential effects of a fat phobic and objectifying culture. Body positivity versus body neutrality. Follow Fat Bottom Cabaret on Instagram and Facebook. Follow Nikki on Twitter, Instagram, and Facebook. This podcast is brought to you by Desire Resorts.

Dr. Ava Cadell shares her journey from growing up in an orphanage and surviving assault to working as a nude model and becoming one of the most well-known sexologists in the world. Ava shares a wealth of information from her personal and professional journeys including: Exercises to heal from loss and self-hate How to find your own voice after trauma Strategies for loving yourself after the loss of a loved one Neuro-based exercises to break familiar patterns Strategies for improving body image and rewriting scripts about love, sex and intimacy The role of art therapy, empathy and meditation in healing Free resources for those dealing with grief, loss and shame This podcast is brought to you by Desire Resorts.