Sex With Dr. Jess

Licensed therapist Carlos Cavazos is a firecracker and an incredible source of insights and easy-to-use advice for more fulfilling relationships and hotter sex. In this episode we discuss: How to take care of yourself first when you are accustomed to caring for others (personally and/or professionally) The difference between independence, inter-dependence, and co-dependence How to set healthy boundaries this holiday season How to overcome negative-filtering, so that you can be happier in love and life Exercises to support your mental health How to make the festive season kinky and have more exciting sex Sploshing and cake-sitting Adult baby diaper lovers (ABDL) How to reduce the stress of hyper-vigilance How to use Naughty and Nice lists to spice things up Follow Carlos on Instagram, Youtube, & Twitter. This podcast is brought to you by Desire Resorts.

The Passion Interview is a tool used for couples to spark passion, improve understanding, and deepen intimacy. It’s designed to shift the conversation away from the mundane to the exploratory. Jess uses this exercise with couples in-session and in the 50 video online Master Class. In this week’s episode Jess and Brandon work through the questions together and discuss a range of topics: childhood memories, racial justice, privilege, the Obamas, retirement, routine, travel, regrets, physical affection and expressions of love. You can download the passion interview here. This podcast is brought to you by Desire Resorts.

How do you approach your partner about an open relationship? What do you do if one partner wants monogamy and the other wants consensual non-monogamy? How do you get your partner to talk about sex if they’re shy or uncomfortable? How do you deal with sexless marriages? Heather McPherson, M.A., LPC-S, LMFT-S, CST joins us to discuss her experience working with couples and singles as a sex therapist and founder of the Sexual Health Alliance. The Sexual Health Alliance has a Full Sex Therapy and Sex Education Certification Training program with all the CEs you need to apply to be AASECT Certified. SHA has several advance certificate training programs as will including CNM, Kink and more to be announced soon. This weekend in Denver, Colorado, join world renowned experts in the field for a Sexceptional Weekend to learn the basics and explore all the intricacies of what it means to be in a consensual non-monogamous relationship. Lectures by Dr. Eli Sheff and Dr. David Ley with special guests from the APA Consensual Non-Monogamy Task Force and creators of the Orgy Story podcast. And next weekend in Austin, TX, join the Sexual Health Alliance for Adventures in Unicorn Hunting, Happy Endings and Other Advanced Skills for Open Relationships with Dr. Eli Sheff and myself! We'll take a deep dive into Monogamish and Open Relationships and discuss advanced concepts, case studies and treatment approaches in working with these populations. And, join Heather and myself for a special evening program on Saturday at 8pm at Respark Therapy for The Business of Sex. Follow the Sexual Health Alliance on Instagram, Twitter and Facebook. To learn more about Respark Therapy, click here. Follow Respark Therapy on Twitter, Facebook and Instagram. This podcast is brought to you by Desire Resorts.

How do we define disability inclusively? How does disability affect sex and relationships? And why should we consider incontinence a public health issue? Mari Ramsawakh joins Jess and Brandon to reflect upon their personal story — from being bullied as a child to navigating ableism and fetishism to having the most fulfilling sex life imaginable. Have a listen and learn from their insights! In this episode, Jess & Brandon referenced Mari's article, Incontinence is a Public Issue - And Why We Need to Talk About It. Read it here. Follow Mari on Facebook, Twitter & Instagram. This podcast is brought to you by Desire Resorts.

How does ADHD affect sex, communication and intimate relationships? How do you break break the “parent-child” dynamic in relationships so you can focus on being partners and lovers? Psychologist and sex therapist, Dr. Ari Tuckman joins us to share insights from his research and latest book, ADHD After Dark: Better Sex Life, Better Relationship. His practical advice applies to all relationships, regardless of whether or not you have ADHD, so be sure to tune in! To find out more information about Dr. Tuckman's books, podcast, past presentations (and more), check out adultADHDbook.com. Dr. Tuckman also recommends checking out CHADD. For Canadian listeners, check out The Centre for ADHD Awareness, Canada and The Canadian ADHD Resource Alliance. This podcast is brought to you by Desire Resorts.

Interdisciplinary sex therapist, Jamila M. Dawson, joins Jess and Brandon in to discuss how sexual pleasure can be part of healing from trauma, the elements of happy relationships, how to be emotionally present, strategies for responding to anxiety and rejection, power dynamics in therapy and much more. Jamila sees suffering not as a failure of your body or your mind but as responses to a culture that has damaging and unhealthy views on sex, religion, relationships, bodies, race, and gender. Her work is strongly rooted in somatic practices, self-discovery, social justice, and helping clients navigate not just their own relationships, but the cultures in which they live. Her success with clients is shaped by her pleasure-based, trauma informed framework and her concept of the 5 C’s (Curiosity, Creativity, Collaboration, Courage, Compassion). Her goal is to break down sexual stigma and help people design mindful, vibrant relationships. Listen to this episode to get started today! Follow Jamila on Twitter & Instagram. This podcast is brought to you by Desire Resorts.

Porn performer and Master Fetish Trainer, King Noire, joins Jess and Brandon to share his story as a community activist, porn star, hip hop artist and father. He discusses fetishes, sexual oppression and repression, and his journey in the worlds kink, porn, music and parenthood. King started working in porn when he was 18 and then he took a break before returning to the field as a producer alongside his life partner, Jet Setting Jasmine; he shares insights as to how his role and expectations have changed over the years. Follow King on Twitter, Instagram & Facebook. This podcast is brought to you by Desire Resorts.

Nikki Morgan shares insights to help you consider new ways to approach orgasm using your breath, movements, thoughts and more. She discusses ways to step outside your comfort zone and be more positive about your body. Follow Nikki on Instagram & Twitter. Be sure to also follow The Touch Experience on Instagram, Twitter & Facebook. Also check out Nikki's upcoming events below, and find more info out on her website. This podcast is brought to you by Desire Resorts.

How do you practice safe, sane, consensual kink “in color”? What is fire-play? How do you navigate master-slave relationships? And how do you understand a submissive’s needs? Shanae Adams aka Honestly Nae, joins Jess and Brandon to share their insights as professional Dominatrix and kink educator. Follow Shanae on Facebook, Instagram, Twitter and Youtube. Also check out their sex-positive collaborative in Denver, The Chrysalis House. This podcast is brought to you by Desire Resorts.  

Jet Setting Jasmine is a licensed clinical therapist, co-owner of Royal Fetish Films (an adult film production company), and an adult entertainer. She combines her love of the arts, film and sex education to produce erotica that stimulates and engages the audience to push their sexual boundaries. Jasmine joins Jess and Brandon to share thoughtful insights on her life as a therapist, mother, performer and entrepreneur. She talks about directing porn (including a recent threesome scene starring her life partner, King Noire), the value and appeal of ethical porn, how porn performers balance their own pleasure with the need to perform for the camera, and strategies for staying in the moment when faced with distractions. This podcast is brought to you by Desire Resorts.

Sex therapist Shamyra Howard joins Jess to talk about how to have happier relationships — with yourself, family, friends and partner(s). She talks about how to apologize effectively and why your partner doesn’t want you to be sorry — they want you to be better. Shamyra also offers strategies to: Manage jealousy and overcome insecurities Validate your partner and differentiate between validation and affirmation Understand differences as opposed to simply accepting them Check out Shamyra's Sexuality Superhero feature here. See some more of Shamyra's pearls of wisdom below... View this post on Instagram You know what's sexy? Vulnerability is a word we use often but what does it mean for relationships and why does it matter? Relationships are all about feeling safe enough to take emotional risks knowing that this person has the ability to hurt you, but relying on your own ability to trust yourself to show up. This happens best with an emotionally responsive partner. When you respond to your partner's emotional vulnerability with emotional security that creates connection. That's Intimacy. That's Sexy. #mondaynightraw A post shared by Shamyra (@sexologistshamyra) on Sep 9, 2019 at 7:32pm PDT View this post on Instagram Stop faking orgasms! #mondaynightraw Faking orgasms contribute to the orgasm gap that we are working to end. Taking ownership of your sexual pleasure is sexy! Let's do it! A post shared by Shamyra (@sexologistshamyra) on Sep 2, 2019 at 7:13pm PDT View this post on Instagram Potential is great, but. That's it!! Most people have potential, but what they do with it counts most! Monday Night Raw A post shared by Shamyra (@sexologistshamyra) on Aug 26, 2019 at 7:49pm PDT This podcast is brought to you by Desire Resorts.

Austin-based sex therapist, Adam Maurer, joins Jess to share straightforward insights for happier relationships. They discuss JODO, setting boundaries, managing let-down, dealing with personality differences (e.g. introverts versus extroverts) and a simple weekly ritual to improve communication, understanding and intimacy. Follow Adam on Instagram, and check out moontowercounseling.com. Adam will also be in the Bedpost Confessions from October 23-25. Check it out! This podcast is brought to you by Desire Resorts.

Jess discusses emotional vulnerability, sexual shame, strategies for discussing sexual needs, why some people cheat and the Madonna/whore dichotomy with Toronto-based sex therapist, Kat Kova. Kat also helps Jess to open up about her greatest sexual fear. This podcast is brought to you by Desire Resorts.

How can you reduce the negative effects of technology on your relationship? And how can you move on and rebuild after you’ve cheated on your partner? Jess and Brandon share their thoughts in response to listener questions. Oftentimes when we ask something of our partner, we need to begin with ourselves. Before you try to convince your partner to put down their phone, ask yourself if you need to do the same. Even if you allow it to interfere to a lesser degree, every time you’re on yours, they're likely to pick up their own. And when it comes to cheating: you can move on and have a happy relationship after an affair. Begin by taking responsibility, getting help, tracking your progress, and making space for negative feelings and interactions. Please see some rough notes below... How do I get my wife to put down her phone? Great question! Oftentimes when we ask something of our partner, we need to begin with ourselves. I was working with a group of couples the other day and one group was complaining that their partners were always on their phones checking emails and working. They were really chastising them and the message was, “oh we’d have more sex if you didn’t work so much and you’d put down your phones”. This was directed specifically at entrepreneurs, because this was an entrepreneur group who brought their partners to my session. But then the entrepreneur group turned around and reminded their partners that they too are almost always on their phones — they’re scrolling through feeds, updating social media, reading articles — they may not be working in the paid sense, but they’re still allowing technoference to interfere in their connection. So before you try to convince your wife to put down her phone, ask yourself if you need to do the same. Even if you allow it to interfere to a lesser degree, every time you’re on yours, she is likely to pick up her own. Technoference is becoming the norm in relationship. Research shows that the mere presence of a phone detracts from concentration, presence, connection and trust. In one study, they compared interactions in three scenarios: phone on the table, phone in your pocket and phone outside of the room. The third scenario was associated with the highest levels of trust, empathy and intimacy. And it’s not just about distraction. Blue light can interfere with sleep, which adversely affects relationships. The light emitted by phones, laptops and and tablet devices (even when set to silent mode)  is “short-wavelength-enriched”, which means that it contains high levels of blue light which interferes with the sleep-supporter hormone, melatonin. When we don’t get a good night’s sleep, we’re more likely to engage in conflict with our partner, less adept at resolving these conflicts, more likely to made poor food choices and less inclined toward sex. Minimizing technoference can be easier and more successful if you choose specific strategies and roll them out one at a time as opposed to trying to overhaul your entire lifestyle or trying to change everything at once. I’m going to share some of the strategies that work for my clients, but you don’t have to do them all. I suggest you try one at a time. 1. Have a phone-free dinner. In the past, we didn’t have to go out of our way to take a tech-break, but leaving the phones at home (or in the car if you’re dining at home) is a simple way to ensure that you’re present and connected to your partner — instead of being connected to your 300 "best friends". 2. Go for a walk, bike ride or drive without using your map app. Technology is grand and can help you to see more relevant places in a shorter period of time, but it can also detract from discovery and the excitement of the unknown. Once in awhile, whether you’re on vacation exploring a new city or simply wandering...

Our old friend Mikey Singer joins us to talk about how to prioritize intimacy and sex after you’ve had a baby. Parenthood changes the household dynamic, but it can be for the better. To learn more about We-Vibe and its products, click here. Get your tickets to MomFest now by clicking here. Jess is looking forward to seeing you all on September 10th! This podcast is brought to you by Desire Resorts.