Romance of the Three Kingdoms Podcast

When Zhuge Liang finds himself in the same room as the Southlands’ foremost academics, the gloves come off and jabs fly. Verbal jabs, of course. * Transcript * No map or key characters graph this week since everything happens in basically one building in Chaisang and we aren’t introduced to anyone significant. Transcript PDF version Welcome to the Romance of the Three Kingdoms Podcast. This is episode 53. Last time, Sun Quan’s adviser Lu Su had brought Zhuge Liang to the Southlands to meet with his master in hopes of forming an alliance between Liu Bei and the Southlands to resist Cao Cao. But when Lu Su went to see Sun Quan, he found the other advisers all telling Sun Quan that Cao Cao was too strong and that it was in everyone’s best interest to surrender. Sun Quan was nonplussed by this, and while he was taking a bathroom break, Lu Su told him that while everyone else could surrender to Cao Cao, Sun Quan alone could not. “For the likes of me,” Lu Su said, “surrender means being sent back to my hometown. Eventually, I can work my way back into high office. But if you surrender, you would not be able to go home. Your rank would be no more than a marquis. You would have but one carriage, one horse, and a few servants. You would be no one’s lord. Everyone else was just trying to save themselves. You must not listen to them. It’s time to make a master plan for yourself.” Now, Lu Su’s analysis is pretty spot on if you think about it. Look at what happened when Cao Cao took over Jing Province. All the officials and officers who surrendered made out pretty well with nice ranks and titles. But their former lord, Liu Cong (2), met an ignoble end. Sun Quan himself had just been pressed by his own advisers to surrender, and those advisers were no doubt looking out for themselves. Lu Su, however, showed his loyalty in placing Sun Quan’s interests above his own. “Everyone else’s words disappointed me greatly,” Sun Quan said. “But your sage counsel match my thoughts exactly. Truly it was heaven that sent you to me! But Cao Cao has recently absorbed Yuan Shao’s forces and has newly been bolstered by the troops of Jing Province. I do worry that he is too powerful for us to fight.” “I brought Zhuge Jin’s (3) younger brother Zhuge Liang back from Jiangxia with me. Your lordship can ask him for the truth about Cao Cao’s forces,” Lu Su said. “Master Sleeping Dragon is here?” “He is resting at the guest house right now.” “It’s getting late, so let’s not meet today,” Sun Quan said. “Tomorrow, assemble all the civil officials and military officers in the great hall. We can give him a glimpse of our talent before we talk business.”   So the next day, Lu Su went to the guest house to fetch Zhuge Liang and once again reminded him to not tell Sun Quan about how immense Cao Cao’s army really was. “I will proceed as the situation dictates; I will not slip up,” Zhuge Liang said with a smile. When they arrived at Sun Quan’s headquarters, they were greeted by 20-some of Sun Quan’s top civil officials and military officers, all dressed to impress. After greeting each and every one of them and asking for their names, Zhuge Liang took his seat as the guest of honor.   Judging by Zhuge Liang’s air of self-assurance and the dignified, confident way in which he carried himself, these officials could guess that he had come to persuade Sun Quan to help Liu Bei. Well, all the civil officials were for surrendering to Cao Cao, so they wanted to knock Zhuge Liang back on his heel a little bit. So how do civilian officials in third-century China do that? Why, with a war of words,

Zhang Fei’s cunning is the only things standing between Liu Bei and Cao Cao’s army. Well, that and his really loud, really deadly voice. * Transcript * Map of Key Locations * Graph of Key Characters and Relationships Transcript PDF version Welcome to the Romance of the Three Kingdoms Podcast. This is episode 52. Previously, we left off with one of the most memorable sequences in the novel, in which Zhao Yun rescued Liu Bei’s infant son, A Dou (1,3), and fought his way through swarms of Cao Cao’s troops to escape. But no sooner had he left the bulk of Cao Cao’s army behind did he run into two more detachments of enemy soldiers, led by two lieutenants under the command of Cao Cao’s general Xiahou Dun. These two guys were brothers. One wielded a battle axe, while the other used a halberd, and they were shouting for Zhao Yun to surrender. Zhao Yun, of course, paid no heed to their words and greeted them with his spear. Within three bouts, the elder brother, the axe-wielder, was stabbed off his horse. Zhao Yun took the opening and ran. The younger brother, however, gave chase. As he closed in, the tip of his halberd flashed around Zhao Yun’s back. But Zhao Yun suddenly turned around, and the two were face to face right next to each other. Wielding his spear in his left hand, Zhao Yun blocked the halberd. At the same time, his right hand pulled out the prized sword that he had taken from Cao Cao’s sword-bearer earlier in the day. Where the sword landed, half of his opponent’s head and helmet went flying off. Seeing their leaders killed, the enemy soldiers scattered, and Zhao Yun once again fled toward Changban (2,3) Bridge. Behind him rose earth-shaking cries of battle. This was Wen (2) Pin (4), one of the generals of Jing Province who had recently surrendered to Cao Cao. He was leading a detachment of troops in hot pursuit. By the time Zhao Yun reached Changban (2,3) Bridge, he and his horse were running on fumes. But fortunately for him, Zhang Fei was waiting on the bridge. “Help me!” Zhao Yun cried. “You go on ahead; I will deal with the enemy!” Zhang Fei told him.   So Zhao Yun galloped across the bridge and traveled for another seven or eight miles before he spotted Liu Bei and company resting under some trees. Zhao Yun dismounted, threw himself onto the ground, and wept bitterly. Liu Bei was also brought to tears. After catching his breath, Zhao Yun said, “Even I were to die 10,000 deaths, I cannot atone for my crime! Lady Mi (2) was wounded and refused to take my horse. Instead, she killed herself by jumping into a well. All I could do was to knock over a mud wall to bury her. Then, I carried the young master in my bosom and fought my way through the enemy ranks. Thanks to your lordship’s great fortune, I was able to escape. The young master was crying not too long ago, but I haven’t felt him move in a while. I fear the worst!” As he spoke, Zhao Yun unstrapped A Dou from his chest and took a look. Lo and behold, the baby was just fine. More than fine, in fact. He was sound asleep. That’s probably a good tip to keep in mind the next time Liu Bei can’t get the baby to go to sleep. Just have Zhao Yun strap him to his chest and point him toward the nearest enemy swarm. “Thank heaven the young master is ok!” Zhao Yun exclaimed as he handed the baby to Liu Bei with both hands. Liu Bei, however, took the baby and tossed him on to the ground. “You useless brat!

All hell breaks loose as Cao Cao’s troops catch up to Liu Bei. Out of this hell rides his general Zhao Yun, with a precious package strapped to his chest. * Transcript * Map of Key Locations * Graph of Key Characters and Relationships Zhao Yun’s Fight Scenes Which is your favorite? 1994 TV Series The two guys at 1:21:42: You weren’t stabbed off your horses. You jumped! And those two foot soldiers flying through the air at 1:24:31, oh man!   2010 TV Series A much more impressive fight sequence, though the scene at 33:45 is a little too over the top for me.   “Red Cliff” Movie “No, how can a general be without his horse?!” As he slaughters a whole detachment of baddies on foot while cradling a baby in one arm. Transcript PDF version Welcome to the Romance of the Three Kingdoms Podcast. This is episode 51. Last time, Cao Cao and his huge army were on the move toward Jing Province. Liu Bei and Zhuge Liang managed to scorch his vanguard, but with his numerical advantage, Cao Cao just shrugged off this bloody nose and kept marching, so Liu Bei took a bunch of civilians with him and fled. While that was happening, Liu Cong (2), the younger son of the now deceased Liu Biao, surrendered to Cao Cao and handed him Jing Province. Cao Cao summoned Liu Cong for a meeting, but Liu Cong was too afraid to go, and one of his officers, Wang (2) Wei (1), advised Liu Cong to launch surprise attack on Cao Cao instead. Liu Cong, however, told his uncle Cai Mao what Wang Wei had said, and Cai Mao, who had been pushing for Liu Cong to surrender, was not about to put up with this. “How dare you go against heaven’s will and speak such nonsense?!” he chided Wang Wei (1) angrily. “You traitor! I wish I could eat your flesh!” Wang Wei retorted equally angrily. Cai Mao was irate and wanted to kill Wang Wei, but the adviser Kuai (3) Yue (4) played peacemaker and reminded Cai Mao that he had to go see Cao Cao. So Cai Mao and his fellow officer Zhang Yun (3) went to see Cao Cao at the city of Fancheng (2,2), which laid across the river from Xiangyang (1,2), where Liu Cong was holed up. There, Cai Mao and Zhang Yun (3) met Cao Cao and launched into hyper-suck-up mode to get on his good side. “How much troops and provisions does Jing Province possess?” Cao Cao asked them. “50,000 cavalry, 150,000 infantry, 80,000 navy, for a total of 280,000,” the two sycophants answered. “Most of the money and provisions are stored at Jiangling (1,2), the rest are spread out. It’s enough to last a year.” “How many warships do you have? Who is in charge of them?” Cao Cao asked. “We have more than 7,000 warships, large and small,” Cai Mao answered. “We two oversee them.” Satisfied with their answers, Cao Cao now heaped a couple marquiships on Cai Mao and Zhang Yun. He also named Cai Mao superintendent of his navy and made Zhang Yun the assistant superintendent. This made them very happy, and they bowed to thank Cao Cao. “Liu Biao is dead, and since his son has submitted, I shall write a memorial to the emperor and recommend that he remain the master of Jing Province for the rest of his life,” Cao Cao told them. Hearing this,

Zhuge Liang burns another detachment of Cao Cao’s troops, but there are plenty more where that came from. * Transcript * Map of Key Locations * Graph of Key Characters and Relationships Transcript PDF version Welcome to the Romance of the Three Kingdoms Podcast. This is episode 50. Before we pick up where we left off, I would be remiss to not note the milestone of our 50th episode. It’s taken us more than a year to get here, and we’ve got plenty more of the story to go. We are really just getting warmed up here. I have enjoyed the experience of producing this podcast immensely, and I want to thank all of you listeners out there for giving the show a chance, sticking with it, sending in comments, and telling other people about it. I’ve said this before, but it’s worth repeating: You guys make the effort it takes to produce the show worthwhile. So thank you.   So, where were we? Ah yes. Liu Biao had just died, and before his body was cold, his wife, Lady Cai, and her brother Cai (4) Mao (4) had conspired to forge his will and make her son, Liu Cong (2), the new ruler of Jing Province. They kept word of all this, including Liu Biao’s death, hidden from his elder son Liu Qi (2) and from Liu Bei. Then, when they heard that Cao Cao’s army was on its way, they quickly decided to surrender. So they sent an official named Song (4) Zhong (1) to deliver the message to Cao Cao. On his way back, Song Zhong was captured by Liu Bei’s soldiers. They took him to Xinye (1,3) County to see Liu Bei, and he ended up telling Liu Bei everything. Zhang Fei then told Liu Bei that he should kill Song Zhong, then march on Xiangyang, where they would sack the city, kill Lady Cai and Liu Cong, and use the city as their base to fight Cao Cao. But Liu Bei would have none of this. “Enough already!” he said as he shushed Zhang Fei. “I will proceed as I see fit.” He then admonished Song Zhong. “You knew what was going on, so why did you not report this to me sooner? Even if I kill you today, it would do no good. So scram!” Song Zhong, breathing a huge sigh of relief, thanked Liu Bei and made himself scarce. Just as Liu Bei was sitting around feeling bad, word came that Liu Biao’s elder son Liu Qi had sent the official Yi (1) Ji (2) to see him. Remember that Yi Ji had twice saved Liu Bei from conspiracies by Cai Mao to kill him, so Liu Bei was obviously glad to see him. After they greeted each other, Yi Ji said, “My lord Liu Qi heard that his father had passed away, but that his stepmother and Cai Mao conspired to keep the news from us and made Liu Cong the new ruler of the province. After my lord sent men to verify that this rumor was true, he sent me here to tell you, in case you did not know. He also wants to ask you to join forces with him and go to Xiangyang to hold the Cais responsible.” “Sir, you have not heard the whole story,” Liu Bei said. “You only know that Liu Cong has assumed command of the province. Do you know that he has surrendered it to Cao Cao?” Yi (1) Ji (2) was shocked by this and asked how Liu Bei came by this intel, and Liu Bei told him how he had captured Song Zhong. “If that’s the case, my lord, why don’t you go to Xiangyang under the pretense of mourning Liu Biao, lure Liu Cong out of the city, capture him, and wipe out his conspirators? The province would be yours.” “Yi Ji is quite right,” Zhuge Liang chimed in. “My lord, you should do as he suggests.” But once again,

Zhuge Liang blazes to victory in his first battle, but Cao Cao turns up the heat on Jing Province. * Transcript * Map of Key Locations * Graph of Key Characters and Relationships Transcript PDF version Welcome to the Romance of the Three Kingdoms Podcast. This is episode 49. Last time, Cao Cao had sent his general Xiahou Dun and 100,000 men to wipe out Liu Bei in Xinye County. Liu Bei’s new adviser Zhuge Liang cooked up a plan to repel the invaders near the city of Bo (2) Wang (4), but most of the people he was giving orders to, including Liu Bei himself, were a bit skeptical. So Xiahou Dun was marching his army toward Bo (2) Wang (4). He put half in front as the vanguard, and the rest marched in the back of the column, defending the provisions. It was autumn, and strong winds were starting to blow. As they marched, they saw dust being kicked up ahead, a sure sign of oncoming troops. So Xiahou Dun ordered his men to line up for battle, and he asked the guide where they were. “Bo (2) Wang (4) is ahead. Behind that is the mouth of the River Luo (2),” the guide answered. Xiahou Dun ordered the officers Yu (1) Jin (4) and Li (2) Dian (3) to hold the line, while he himself rode forward to scope out the oncoming force. When he saw them, he suddenly started laughing. When his men asked why, he answered, “In front of the prime minister, Xu (2) Shu (4) had praised Zhuge Liang to the heavens. But now I see how he deploys his troops. Look at the sorry state of his vanguard. Pitting such troops against me is like driving a herd of dogs and goats into a fight with tigers and leopards! I had told his excellency that I will capture Liu Bei, Zhuge Liang alive. And now, I’m going to make that happen for sure!” So he rode out to meet the enemy. From the oncoming force, the general Zhao Yun rode out to meet him, and Xiahou Dun cursed him, saying, “You followers of Liu Bei are like lost souls chasing a ghost!” This riled up Zhao Yun, and he rode forward to fight Xiahou Dun. After a few bouts, Zhao Yun turned and fled, just as Zhuge Liang had instructed. Xiahou Dun gave chase. After a few miles, Zhao Yun turned around and fought some more, but then turned and fled again. Now, one of Xiahou Dun’s lieutenants, Han (2) Hao (4), rode up and cautioned Xiahou Dun: “Zhao Yun looks like he’s trying to lure us into a trap.” “[Scoff] With an enemy as sorry as this, even if they have traps all around us, I would not be afraid!” Xiahou Dun said. So he ignored the warning and kept chasing until he reached Bo (2) Wang (4) Hill. There, at the sound of an explosive, Liu Bei himself rode out with an army to face him. “So this is their ambush,” Xiahou Dun laughed as he said to Han (2) Hao (4). “I will not rest until I reach Xinye tonight!” So he pressed his army forward, while Liu Bei and Zhao Yun kept running. By this time, it was getting dark. The sky was covered with clouds, there was no moon light, and a strong gale kicked up. Xiahou Dun kept pushing his troops ahead. As his officers Yu Jin and Li Dian, who were in the middle of the column, reached a narrow point where dry reeds crowded the road on both sides, Li Dian said to Yu Jin, “He who underestimates the enemy is doomed to defeat. The path south is a narrow mountain pass with thick woods. If the enemy attacks us with fire, what would we do?” “You’re quite right,” Yu Jin said. “I will ride on ahead to warn the commander. You should stop the rear of the army.”

While Sun Quan prepares for a retaliatory strike from Liu Biao, Liu Biao and Liu Bei brace for an invasion by Cao Cao. * Transcript * Map of Key Locations * Graph of Key Characters and Relationships Transcript PDF of transcript Welcome to the Romance of the Three Kingdoms Podcast. This is episode 48. Last time, Sun Quan and the troops of the Southlands had just defeated and killed Huang (2) Zu (3), a close friend and top commander of Liu Biao, the imperial protector of Jing (1) Province. Sun Quan had also captured the key city of Jiangxia (1,4), which Huang Zu was defending. Upon receiving Huang Zu’s head, Sun Quan ordered that it be placed in a wooden box and taken back to the Southlands to be placed as an offering at the altar of his father, who had been killed in battle against Liu Biao years earlier. He then rewarded his troops handsomely, promoted Gan Ning, the man who defected from Huang Zu and then killed him in battle, to district commander, and began discussion of whether to leave troops to garrison the newly conquered city. His adviser Zhang Zhao (1), however, said, “A lone city so far from our territory is impossible to hold. We should return to the Southlands. When Liu Biao finds out we have killed Huang Zu, he will surely come looking for revenge. We should rest our troops while he overextends his. This will guarantee victory. We can then attack him as he falls back and take Jing Province.” Sun Quan took this advice and abandoned his new conquest and returned home. But there was still the matter of Su (1)  Fei (1), the enemy general he had captured. This Su Fei was friends with Gan Ning and was actually the one who helped him defect to Sun Quan. So Su Fei now secretly sent word to Gan Ning asking him to save his life. “Even if Su Fei did not mention it, I would not forget,” Gan Ning said. When the army returned home, Sun Quan ordered that Su Fei be executed and that his head be offered up alongside Huang Zu’s as sacrifices to his father’s spirit. But Gan Ning now went to see Sun Quan, pressed his head to the ground, and wept. “If not for Su Fei’s help, I would be a pile of bones underground and would not have been able to serve you,” Gan Ning said. “Even though Su Fei deserves to die for his offense, for the sake of his past kindness to me, I am willing to give up my position in exchange for his life.” Sun Quan was touched by this, but he still had reservations. “Since he had been kind to you, sir, I can spare his life for your sake,” Sun Quan said. “But what if he then flees?” “If you spare Su Fei, he would be endlessly grateful. Why would he ever flee?” Gan Ning answered. “If he does flee, then I will lay my head at your feet.” That was good enough for Sun Quan, and he pardoned Su Fei and only offered up Huang Zu’s head as a sacrifice. After the ceremony, Sun Quan held a big feast to celebrate the victory. While the wine was flowing freely, one man suddenly started crying loudly, rose to his feet, pulled out his sword, and made straight for Gan Ning. Gan Ning quickly used his chair to keep his attacker at bay. Sun Quan looked and saw that the attacker was the officer Ling (2) Tong (3), whose father had been killed by Gan Ning during Sun Quan’s previous unsuccessful campaign against Huang Zu. While Sun Quan was magnanimous enough to let bygones be bygones when Gan Ning defected to him, you can imagine that Ling (2) Tong (3) would feel JUST a bit differently, and he was after revenge.

We leave Liu Bei with his new sage and check in on what the Sun clan has been up to. * Transcript * Map of Key Locations * Graph of Key Characters and Relationships Transcript PDF of transcript Welcome to the Romance of the Three Kingdoms Podcast. This is episode 47. Last time, on his third attempt, Liu Bei finally got to meet Zhuge Liang, and the man did not disappoint. Zhuge Liang quickly laid out his grand plan for Liu Bei to establish himself as a power player: Let Cao Cao have the north and Sun Quan have the South. Take Jing (1) Province first as your home base, then take Yi (4) Province to the west to build your own little empire. Then bide your time for the right moment to invade the northern heartland. It was quite an impressive plan, and it made Liu Bei rise from his seat and bow in thanks. However, Liu Bei also voiced some concern. “Master, your words have opened the thicket that had blocked my view and parted the clouds so that I can see the sky. However, the imperial protectors of Jing and Yi Province, Liu Biao and Liu Zhang, are both my kinsmen in the imperial clan. How can I bear to take what is theirs?” “From studying the stars,” Zhuge Liang replied, “I can tell that Liu Biao is not long for this world. And Liu Zhang is not a worthwhile ruler. Both of these territories will belong to you in time.” When he heard this, Liu Bei prostrated and pressed his head to the ground to show his gratitude and respect to Zhuge Liang. When he was done, he said, “Though I am of meager standing and worth, I hope you will not spurn me and will leave these hills to help me. I will obediently follow your enlightening instruction.”   So you, a man who has no army to call his own and who oversees a meager county, want me, a recluse of great repute, to leave my scenic, peaceful thatched hut in the monkey-filled bamboo groves — monkeys!! bamboo groves!! for crying out loud! — to help you beat seemingly inestimable odds and piece a fractured empire back together? Even if he was willing, Zhuge Liang could not let this opportunity to pass without bargaining for a bigger paycheck, more vacation days, or something. “I have long been content to till the soil here,” he said to Liu Bei. “I am too lazy to answer the demands of the outside world. I cannot oblige.” This response brought Liu Bei to tears. “Master, will you not think of the poor souls of this land?” he said as he wept so hard that his sleeve was soaked through as he wiped his eyes. Seeing how earnest Liu Bei’s entreaty was, Zhuge Liang relented. “If you will have me, general, then I will do what little I can to help you.” Liu Bei was ecstatic. He immediately called in his brothers Guan Yu and Zhang Fei, who had been waiting out by the front gate this whole time, and told them to pay their respects and offer up the gold and gifts they had brought. Zhuge Liang tried to decline because, well, it’s the Chinese thing to do. Liu Bei insisted, which was also the Chinese thing to do. “Think of this not as a formal petition for a man of great worth, but simply as a humble token of my appreciation,” he said to Zhuge Liang. Since he put it that way, Zhuge Liang at last accepted.   That night, Liu Bei and his brothers stayed in Zhuge Liang’s home. The next morning, Zhuge Liang’s younger brother, Zhuge Jun (1), returned from running errands. Zhuge Liang told him,

We bid goodbye to the once-mighty warlord of the North and delve into the story of a determined assassin. * Transcript (PDF) Yuan Shao Yu Rang  

Liu Bei’s strategy for finding Zhuge Liang: Go up to anyone in Nanyang who can rub two words together and ask, “Are you Sleeping Dragon?” * Transcript (PDF) * Map of Key Locations * Graph of Key Characters and Relationships * Text of the songs sung by Zhuge Liang’s friends in the wineshop

Liu Bei gets really broken up about Xu Shu’s departure, until he learns there’s someone much smarter. * Transcript (PDF) * Map of Key Locations * Graph of Key Characters and Relationships * Poem describing the scenery around Sleeping Dragon Ridge

Approach Liu Bei on the street, sing a song, get invited to his office, advise him to give his horse to an enemy, get C-suite job. * Transcripts (PDF) * Map of Key Locations * Graph of Key Characters and Relationships

Liu Bei gets invited to a feast, but Lady Cai and her brother ruin the fun when they try to kill him. * Transcript (PDF) * Map of Key Locations * Graph of Key Characters and Relationships * The poem about Liu Bei’s escape

The surviving Yuan brothers get a cold reception from their host up north, and Liu Bei commits a dinner-table faux pas down south. * Transcript (PDF) * Map of Key Locations * Graph of Key Characters and Relationships

Riding a wave of inevitability, Cao Cao sweeps the Yuan brothers out of their territories. * Transcript (PDF) * Map of Key Locations * Graph of Key Characters and Relationships * The denunciation that Chen Lin wrote about Cao Cao and his forefathers back in episode 28

The eldest and youngest sons of Yuan Shao take on their most hated foe — each other. * Transcript (PDF) * Map of Key Locations * Graph of Key Characters and Relationships