Romance of the Three Kingdoms Podcast

Discord between lord and vassal simmers in the court of Shu, while things boil over in the court of Wei. * Transcript * Map of Key Locations * Graph of Key Characters and Relationships Transcript PDF version Welcome to the Romance of the Three Kingdoms Podcast. This is episode 145. Last time, Jiang Wei had launched another Northern campaign. Yeah, I know. It sounds like a broken record by now. But this time, he got off to a pretty nice start. He bested Deng Ai in a contest of formations and took over Deng Ai’s camps at Qi Mountain. Deng Ai only escaped with his life when his comrade Sima Wang (4) rescued him. It turned out that Sima Wang knew a little more about Jiang Wei’s formation than Deng Ai did, and that gave Deng Ai and idea. He told Sima Wang, “Tomorrow, while you engage Jiang Wei in a contest of formations, I will lead an army to launch a sneak attack on the backside of Qi Mountain. We will engage them on both sides and retake our camp.” So it was settled, and Deng Ai sent a message to Jiang Wei, challenging him to round two the next day, and Jiang Wei agreed. After sending Deng Ai’s messenger away with his reply, Jiang Wei told his officers, “The late prime minister gave me a secret text that taught me the 365 permutations of this formation. Deng Ai challenging me to a contest of formations is a case of trying to show off in front of a master. But there must be deception afoot. Do you know what it could be?” The general Liao Hua guessed, “They must be trying to distract us while they attack us from the rear.” “My thoughts exactly,” Jiang Wei said with a smile as the screen faded to black.   The next day, Jiang Wei mobilized his entire army and deployed it in front of Qi Mountain. On the other side, Sima Wang led his forces out of their camp by the Wei River and went to meet Jiang Wei. Once the two sides lined up, the two commanders came out to talk. Jiang Wei told Sima Wang, “Since you challenged me to a contest of formations, why don’t you set one up for me to look at first?” So Sima Wang deployed his men in the formation of the Eight Trigrams. But Jiang Wei laughed and told him, “That was my formation; you just stole it. What’s so special about that?” Sima Wang’s answer was, “Oh yeah? Well, you stole it from somebody else, too. So ha!” Which, yeah, was pretty weak. Jiang Wei now asked, “How many permutations does your formation have?” To which Sima Wang replied, “I can set up the formation, so of course I can make it change. This formation has 81 permutations.” Jiang Wei now smiled and said, “Why don’t you show me a few?” So Sima Wang went into his formation and directed his troops through several different permutations and then came back out and asked, “Did you recognize those permutations?” Jiang Wei laughed and said, “My formation has 365 permutations according to the cycle of days. You are the proverbial frog in the well, possessing only a glimpse of a corner of the sky. What do you know about the intricacies of formations?” Well, Sima Wang knew OF those 365 permutations, but he hadn’t learned them all. But he was gonna fake it till he made it. He told Jiang Wei, “I don’t believe you. Show me.” But Jiang Wei said, “Tell Deng Ai to come out, and I’ll show it to him.” Uhh, well, that’s a problem, since Deng Ai was nowhere near here.

While the Shu and Wei continue to slug it out in the West, the kingdom of Wu deals with internal unrest at the highest level. * Transcript * Map of Key Locations * Graph of Key Characters and Relationships Transcript PDF version Welcome to the Romance of the Three Kingdoms Podcast. This is episode 144. Last time, Jiang Wei had launched yet another Northern campaign, trying to catch his enemies off guard while they were dealing with an internal rebellion by Zhuge Dan. This time, Jiang Wei was focusing his attention on the town of Changcheng (2,2), a key grain store for the Wei forces. He put the town under siege and it looked like the town was about to fall. But just then, a Wei relief force showed up. Sigh, I guess we’ll have to take care of these guys first. So Jiang Wei turned his army around to face the oncoming foe. From the opposing lines, a young general rode out with spear in hand. He looked to be about 20-some years old, with a face so fair that he looked as if he were wearing powder, and his lips were daubs of red. This young man shouted across the field, “Do you recognize General Deng?!” Jiang Wei thought to himself, “That must be Deng Ai.” So he rode forth to meet his foe, and the two traded blows for 40 bouts without either gaining an edge. Seeing that the young warrior showed no signs of faltering, Jiang Wei figured he needed to pull some shenanigans to win this fight. So he turned and fled down a mountain path on the left. The young general gave chase, and as he approached, Jiang Wei pulled out his bow and fired an arrow at the man. But his foe had sharp eyes and quickly dodged the arrow. When Jiang Wei turned around, the young man was already upon him and thrusting his spear at him. Jiang Wei dodged the thrust, letting the spear go under his arm, and then he wrapped his arm around the spear. His foe now ditched the spear and rode back toward his own lines. Jiang Wei lamented this missed opportunity to slay this Deng Ai that he had heard so much about, and now it was his turn to give chase. But when he approached the enemy’s lines, he was suddenly greeted by another, older general who wielded a saber. “Jiang Wei you scoundrel!” this general shouted. “Stop chasing my son! Come meet Deng Ai!” Oh ok. So only now did Jiang Wei realize that the young man who had fought him to a standstill was Deng Ai’s son. He was secretly astonished at the young man’s skills. He wanted to go take on Deng Ai, but was worried that his horse was too tired, so he pointed at Deng Ai and said, “Today was my introduction to you and your son. Let’s call it a day and settle this tomorrow.” For his part, Deng Ai recognized that the field of battle was not to his advantage, so he agreed, saying, “In that case, let’s both bring our armies back to camp. A real man would not ambush his foe.” So the two armies both fell back. Deng Ai set up camp by the Wei (4) River, while Jiang Wei set up camp across two mountains. After studying the Shu army’s deployment, Deng Ai wrote to Sima Wang (4), the commander inside the town of Changcheng, and told him, “We must not fight, only defend. When our reinforcements arrive, the enemy will be out of provisions and under attack on three sides. Then, victory will be guaranteed. I am sending my eldest son Deng Zhong (1) to help you defend the town.” And while that message was on its way to Sima Wang, Deng Ai also sent an urgent dispatch to Sima Zhao, requesting aid. Soon,

Sima Zhao takes the emperor on a buddy road trip to put down another insurgence in a particularly troublesome part of the kingdom. * Transcript * Map of Key Locations * Graph of Key Relationships Transcript PDF version Welcome to the Romance of the Three Kingdoms Podcast. This is episode 143. Last time, Sima Zhao was secretly entertaining thoughts of usurping the throne, but that stirred up a rebellion in the southeastern corner of the kingdom of Wei, led by the general Zhuge Dan (4). Zhuge Dan (4) also asked for and received help from the kingdom of Wu, so now he set himself to preparing for a showdown against Sima Zhao. Meanwhile, a memorial that Zhuge Dan had sent to the emperor arrived in the Wei capital. This memorial was a justification for Zhuge Dan’s rebellion, and it included a long laundry list of Sima Zhao’s offenses. Sima Zhao was naturally ticked off and wanted to go put down this upstart himself. But his adviser Jia Chong (1) said, “My lord, you have inherited your father and brother’s work, but your own virtue and kindness have yet to be felt throughout the realm. If you leave the capital and the emperor now, something might happen at court, and it will be too late for regrets. Why don’t you have the empress dowager and the emperor accompany you on your campaign. That will ensure nothing goes wrong.” Now, it made sense to take the emperor along since, after all, he was the symbol of authority. But the empress dowager? Really? Well, remember how Sima Zhao’s own father seized power at court. While the then emperor was out of the capital, Sima Yi went to the empress dowager and basically forced her to give his coup her blessings. So Sima Zhao was not going to take any chances. He went and told the empress dowager, “Zhuge Dan is rebelling. Your servant and the other officials have discussed the matter and decided that we must ask you and his majesty to personally lead a campaign against the rebels.” The empress dowager was of course afraid of Sima Zhao, so she had no choice but to tag along. The next day, Sima Zhao told the emperor Cao Mao (2) that he needed to come along for the campaign. Cao Mao said, “Regent-marshal, you command all of our troops and you may deploy them as you see fit. What need is there for me to go in person?” “Not so,” Sima Zhao replied. “Our kingdom’s founding emperor Cao Cao marched across the realm. His successors Cao Pi and Cao Rui also possessed the will to defend the state and the ambition to conquer the entire realm. Whenever there was a strong enemy, they always personally led the campaign. Your majesty should follow their example and sweep clean the rebels instead of worrying about your own safety.” Well, Cao Mao was very much worried about his own safety, not so much from rebels in the provinces but from his own regent-marshal. So he acquiesced. Sima Zhao now gave the order to mobilize 260,000 men. He appointed the general Wang Ji (1) as the vanguard and began marching south.   As Sima Zhao’s vanguard approached, he ran into the vanguard of the army that the kingdom of Wu had sent to help Zhuge Dan. The Wu vanguard general Zhu Yi (4) came out to take on the Wei vanguard general Wang Ji (1). After just three bouts, Zhu Yi (4) fell back in defeat. His lieutenant then tried his luck, and he also fell back in defeat after three bouts.

Oh look: Another Northern campaign by the kingdom of Shu. Yawn. * Transcript * Map of Key Locations * Graph of Key Characters and Relationships Transcript PDF version Welcome to the Romance of the Three Kingdoms Podcast. This is episode 142. Last time, Jiang Wei marched north once again with visions of conquering the kingdom of Wei. His first battle went exceedingly well. He routed Wang Jing (1), the imperial protector of Yong (1) Province, sending Wang Jing fleeing into the town of Didao (2,4). But as Jiang Wei prepared to advance, one of his generals, Zhang Yi (4), suggested that they should quit while they were ahead. As you can imagine, that did not sit well with Jiang Wei. “In the past, even when we have lost, we still aimed to advance and march across the Heartlands,” he said. “Today, after our victory at the River Tao (2), the enemy has lost their nerve. In my estimation, the town of Didao (2,4) is ours for the taking. Stop discouraging yourself!” Zhang Yi (4) tried time and again to advise against continuing the campaign, but Jiang Wei refused to listen and instead marched to Didao (2,4).   Meanwhile, the other leader of the Wei defenses in the area, the general Chen Tai (4), was just about to mobilize his troops to avenge Wang Jing’s defeat when he got a visitor. It was the general Deng Ai, the imperial protector of Yan (3) Province who had arrived with reinforcements on the orders of Sima Zhao. Chen Tai asked Deng Ai if he had any ideas for how to do that, Deng Ai said, “After the enemy’s victory at the River Tao (2), if they had called on the Qiang tribes and contested the eastern part of the area, that would spell trouble for us. But right now, that’s not what they’re thinking. Instead, they are going after Didao (2,4). That town’s walls are strong and cannot be taken quickly. The enemy is wasting energy. I’m going to deploy my troops at Xiangling (4,2) and attack. That will defeat the enemy for sure.” Chen Tai loved that plan, so he first sent out 20 squadrons of 50 men each. These men carried banners, drums, horns, and fire-starting materials. They traveled by the dark of the night and hid in the hills to the southeast of Didao (2,4). When the Shu forces approach, these men were to start beating their drums, blowing their horns, and if it’s at night, they were to light fires and set off explosives, all in a show designed to cause panic in the enemy. Chen Tai and Deng Ai then each set out with 20,000 men.   Meanwhile, Jiang Wei had been laying siege to Didao (2,4) for days but could not take the city. He was getting concerned but also couldn’t come up with any ideas. One evening, around dusk, several urgent dispatches from his scouts reported that two armies, bearing the banners of the Wei generals Chen Tai and Deng Ai, were heading this way. Jiang Wei was alarmed and consulted Xiahou Ba. Xiahou Ba said, “I’ve mentioned to you in the past that Deng Ai has been well-versed in military strategy since his youth and knows the terrain well. Now that he’s coming this way, he will be a tough opponent.” Jiang Wei responded, “He has traveled a great distance to get here. I’m going to strike before he can catch his breath.” So Jiang Wei left the general Zhang Yi in charge of continuing the siege on the town and ordered Xiahou Ba to go face Chen Tai, while he himself went to take on Deng Ai. But he had not gone two miles when suddenly, an explosive sounded from the southeast,

We say so long to the novel’s pivotal player and wonder if he was really the genius the book made him out to be. Transcript “You know, you two would’ve been nothing without me.” Transcript PDF version Welcome to the Romance of the Three Kingdoms Podcast. This is a supplemental episode. So this is a huge one. In this episode, we bid farewell to the novel’s most prominent character, Zhuge Liang, by examining the similarities and differences between the real-life man and his fictional counterpart. So in the novel, when we are first introduced to Zhuge Liang, he was in his late 20s and had already taken up residence in the countryside of Jing Province, leading the life of a recluse. But what about his life before that? We’re not really told much about Zhuge Liang before his meeting with Liu Bei, so let’s delve into that pre-history right now. According to the historical records, Zhuge Liang was a native of Xu (2) Province. He was born in the year 181, about three years before the outbreak of the Yellow Turban Rebellion, which marked the beginning of the novel. His father was a low-level county official in Yan (3) Province. So Zhuge Liang’s roots were in the territories that would eventually become part of the kingdom of Wei (4). Zhuge Liang’s father died in the year 187, when Zhuge Liang was just 6 years old. Now, remember that Zhuge Liang was the middle son. He had two brothers and two sisters, and they all needed a caretaker now that their father was dead. That caretaker turned out to be their uncle, who was in the service of Liu Biao (3), the imperial protector of Jing Province. This uncle moved to Xu Province to watch over Zhuge Liang and his siblings. A few years later, Cao Cao launched his invasion of Xu Province in search of vengeance after an officer under the imperial protector of that province had killed Cao Cao’s father. To flee the ravages of war, Zhuge Liang’s uncle packed up all his nieces and nephews and moved them South. All, that is, except for Zhuge Liang’s elder brother Zhuge Jin. Zhuge Jin was 7 years older than Zhuge Liang, and he was in his 20s at this point, so he struck out on his own, moving to the Southlands, where he became a key adviser for the ruling Sun family. Zhuge Liang’s uncle was then recommended for the governorship of a city by the warlord Yuan Shu, and he served in that post for a short time before being replaced. After that, he returned to the service of Liu Biao, so he brought Zhuge Liang and his younger siblings to the Jing Province city of Xiangyang (1,2). Not long after that, in the year 197, this uncle died, so Zhuge Liang, now at the ripe old age of 16, became the de facto head of his household. He moved the family to the nearby countryside, in the county of Nanyang (2,2), where he farmed by day, studied by night, and became good friends with some of the well-known scholars in the area. One of those acquaintances was Sima Hui (1), aka Master Water Mirror, the guy who in the novel was the first to hint to Liu Bei about the existence of a great talent in the area. Another acquaintance was Pang (2) Degong (2,1), the uncle of Young Phoenix, aka Pang Tong. A third literary friend was Huang (2) Chenyan (2,4), who would actually become Zhuge Liang’s father in law. There’s actually a bit of a story about how Zhuge Liang came to take Huang (2) Chenyan’s (2,4) daughter as wife. So when Zhuge Liang decided that it was time to marry, he started looking at various potential matches. Huang Chenyan told him, “Hey,

A couple generals down South stir up trouble for Sima Shi. Now if only their forces knew the way to his camp …. * Transcript * Map of Key Locations * Graph of Key Characters and Relationships Transcript PDF version Welcome to the Romance of the Three Kingdoms Podcast. This is episode 141. Last time, Sima Shi had sniffed out a conspiracy to move against him and his brother, and he promptly purged all the officials involved, but he didn’t stop there. He also deposed the Wei emperor who authorized the plot, replacing him with a new puppet. Well, such actions were bound to have consequences, and one of those consequences was brewing in Yang (2) Province along the southeastern borders of the kingdom. The commander of the troops in Yang Province, a man named Wu (2) Qiujiang (1,3), decided that he could not abide by Sima Shi’s actions. So he consulted with the imperial protector of the province, a man named Wen (2) Qin (1). He invited Wen Qin (1) to a banquet in his private quarters. As they were exchanging chit chat, Wu Qiujian (1,3) began weeping nonstop, prompting Wen Qin to ask what was up. “Sima Shi has usurped power and deposed our lord,” Wu Qiujian said. “Heaven and earth have been turned upside down. How can I not be heartbroken?!” Well, he was talking to the right guy. This Wen Qin’s former master was Cao Shuang, the guy that Sima Shi’s father Sima Yi had executed on trumped-up treason charges in a power grab. So Wen Qin was all too happy for an opportunity to stick it to the Sima clan. He said to Wu Qiujian, “Commander, if you are going to wage war on the traitors in the name of honor, then I shall risk my life to help you. My middle son Wen Yang (1) has unrivaled valor and has often wanted to kill the Sima brothers to avenge Cao Shuang. He can serve as the vanguard.” Delighted, Wu Qiujian swore an oath with Wen Qin. The two then concocted a justification for their uprising, claiming that the empress dowager had sent them a secret decree. With that excuse, they summoned all the officers in the region to Shouchun, the main city in the area. They erected an altar, where they slaughtered a white horse and swore an oath on its blood, declaring that Sima Shi was a traitor and that they were answering a secret decree from the empress dowager by mobilizing all the forces of the region to bring the traitors to justice. All those present swore their allegiance. Wu Qiujian then mobilized 60,000 men and occupied the city of Xiangcheng (4,2), while Wen Qin led a roaming army of 20,000 to serve as reinforcement. They also sent word to the surrounding counties, ordering them to send troops to help the cause.   Word of this rebellion soon reached the Wei capital Luoyang, and it came at a rather inopportune time for Sima Shi. He had developed a tumor in his left eye, and it would hurt off and on, so he consulted a physician and decided to have the tumor removed. After the surgery, they sealed up his left eye with medicine and he was recuperating at home when he got news of the rebellion. Sima Shi consulted with Wang (2) Su (4), the grand commandant. Wang Su (4) said to Sima Shi, “Back when Guan Yu was at the height of his prowess, Sun Quan ordered Lü Meng to launch a sneak attack on Jing Province. Lü Meng treated the families of Guan Yu’s soldiers very well, and that caused Guan Yu’s army to dissolve. Right now, the families of the men in the rebel army are all in the Heartlands.

Jiang Wei’s Northern invasion meets the same fate as Zhuge Liang’s, while Sima Shi borrows a few pages from Cao Cao’s playbook for how to deal with imperial puppets who don’t know their place. * Transcript * Map of Key Locations * Graph of Key Characters and Relationships Transcript PDF version Welcome to the Romance of the Three Kingdoms Podcast. This is episode 140. Last time, Jiang Wei had launched another invasion of the North, and Sima Zhao was sent to stop him. Sima Zhao did a pretty bad job of it, losing his top general and getting himself trapped on Iron Cage Mountain, a tight spot with just one road down from the top, and that was being blocked by Jiang Wei. At the top of the mountain, Sima Zhao and his 6,000 men were relying a small spring for water, but that spring could only sustain about 100 people. Seeing his men suffering from thirst and his only escape route blocked, Sima Zhao looked up to the heavens and sighed, “I am going to die here!” One of his staffers now said, “Long ago, Geng (3) Gong (1), a great general of the Eastern Han, was trapped, but he prayed to a well, and a sweet spring flowed from it. Why not try that?” Well, it’s not like Sima Zhao had any other ideas, so prayer it was. He went to the small spring at the top of the mountain and prayed: “I came on imperial decree to repel the Shu forces. If it is destined that I should die, then let this spring dry up, and I will slit my own throat and allow my men to surrender. But if my allotted time is not yet up, then I pray that heaven will soon bless me with a sweet spring so that we can save all my men!” As soon as he finished this prayer, water started spouting out from the spring nonstop. So, I guess heaven has other plans for Sima Zhao. Meanwhile, at the foot of the mountain, Jiang Wei figured he had Sima Zhao right where he wanted. He told his officers, “One of my great regrets in life is that the late prime minister was not able to capture Sima Yi when he had him trapped at Shangfang (4,1) Gorge. But today, I am going to capture Sima Zhao for sure.” But remember that Sima Zhao was not the only Wei contingent in the area. The general Guo Huai was also around, and when he got word that Sima Zhao had been trapped, he wanted to lead a relief force to Iron Cage Mountain. But his second-in-command, the general Chen Tai (4), said, “Jiang Wei formed an alliance with the Qiang tribes with an eye toward taking the city of Nan’an (2,1) first. The Qiang have arrived. If you redeploy your troops now, the Qiang would no doubt attack us from the rear. You should first send someone to pretend to defect to the Qiang and defeat them from within. Once that’s done, then we can go lift the siege at Iron Cage Mountain.” Guo Huai agreed and sent Chen Tai at the head of 5,000 men to go carry out his own plan. So Chen Tai went to see the king of the Qiang people, whereupon he took off his armor, entered the king’s tent, and wept, saying, “Guo Huai is too full of himself and has often wanted to kill me, so I have come to surrender to you. I know everything about Guo Huai’s army. I am willing to lead a raid on his camp tonight. Success is guaranteed. When you and your army arrive at the Wei camp, I will be there to help you from the inside.” The king of the Qiang was delighted and ordered his top commander to go with Chen Tai on this night ...

Things go well for the kingdom of Wu and its political leader … until they bite off more than they can chew. * Transcript * Map of Key Locations * Graph of Key Relationships Transcript PDF version Welcome to the Romance of the Three Kingdoms Podcast. This is episode 139. Before we start, let me wish everyone happy holidays. This episode is being released on Christmas Day in the United States, and I would like to thank everyone for another wonderful year. The podcast has more listeners than ever, and I love reading all the comments I’ve been getting. We are in the home stretch. There are maybe another 20 or so episodes left, so the show is going to wrap up sometime in the coming year. When I first started this project, I wasn’t sure whether it would find an audience, but you guys have answered that question loudly, and your support has been instrumental in motivating me to keep going over the past three years. So thank you again, and I hope you have a wonderful holiday season. Last time, we bade farewell to Sima Yi and Sun Quan. Sima Yi’s sons were now in charge of all the affairs of the kingdom of Wei, while Sun Quan’s son Sun Liang had stepped into throne of Wu. The Sima brothers decided this would be a good time to conquer the Southlands, so they marched 300,000 men to the borders of Wu and focused their attention on taking the key district of Dongxing (1,4). On the other side, the imperial guardian of Wu, Zhuge Ke (4), assembled the officials to discuss a response. The general Ding Feng (4) said, “Dongxing (1,4) is one of the Southland’s most crucial locations. If it falls, then both the key cities of Nanjun (2,4) and Wuchang (3,1) will be threatened.” “My thoughts exactly,” Zhuge Ke replied. “General, you will lead 3,000 naval troops and advance along the river. I will follow with three cavalry and infantry forces of 10,000 men each to back you up. When you hear a string of explosives, advance your troops, and I will follow with the main army.” So once again, Dongwu was going up against Wei with a dramatic difference in numbers, in this case, 30,000 vs. an invasion force of 300,000. But hey, they’ve been there before. Ding Feng now set out with his 3,000 naval troops on 30 warships and made for the district of Dongxing (1,4).   Meanwhile, the Wei vanguard led by the general Hu (2) Zun (1) had built and crossed a pontoon bridge. They were now on the shores of Dongxing, facing the big wall that Dongwu had built. The Wei forces laid siege to the two forts at opposite ends of the wall. The forts were well fortified and could not be taken quickly. But inversely, the Dongwu troops inside the forts also did not dare to go out and fight against the overwhelming numbers of the enemy. So Hu Zun had his men set up camp to prepare for a long stay. It was the height of winter, and a heavy snow was falling. Hu Zun and his officers passed the time by holding a feast. Suddenly, scouts reported that 30 enemy warships were approaching. Hu Zun went outside to take a look and saw that the ships had pulled up near the shoreline, but each ship only carried about 100 men. Hu Zun scoffed, returned to camp, and told his men, “It’s no more than 3,000 men; no cause for concern.” So he just sent scouts to keep an eye on the enemy while he and his officers returned to their feast. While the Wei forces were taking it easy, the Dongwu navy was gearing up for action. The general Ding Feng lined up his ships in a line across the water...

Aided by an unexpected defection, Jiang Wei restarts the Northern campaigns by setting his sights first on the Northwest. * Transcript * Map of Key Locations * Graph of Key Characters and Relationships Transcript PDF version Welcome to the Romance of the Three Kingdoms Podcast. This is episode 138. Last time, after laying low for a decade, Sima Yi staged a stunning coup to grab the reins of power in the court of the kingdom of Wei. In the process, he exterminated a significant portion of the Cao clan. But then one day, Sima Yi suddenly remembered that he had not quite exterminated ALL of Cao Shuang’s relations. There was a certain general named Xiahou Xuan (2) who remained in control of Yong (1) Province, and he was a kinsman of Cao Shuang’s. So Sima Yi invited this Xiahou Xuan (2) to the capital for … umm … tea. Well, actually for the time being he just gave Xiahou Xuan a position at court to keep an eye on him rather than leaving him out in the provinces where it would be easy for him to start trouble. Now, we’ll hear from Xiahou Xuan (2) a little further down the road. But another member of his clan made some immediate noise. Xiahou Xuan’s uncle, Xiahou Ba (4), found out that his nephew had been summoned to the capital, and his spidey sense began to tingle. Remember that Xiahou Ba (4) was a veteran general who had accompanied Sima Yi on many campaigns, but he could see the writing on the wall and figured Sima Yi would be coming for him sooner or later. So Xiahou Ba immediately led the 3,000 men under his command in open rebellion in Yong (1) Province. But, before Xiahou Ba’s rebellion could get very far, he ran into Guo (1) Huai (2), the old warhorse who was now imperial protector of Yong (1) Province. They faced off on the battlefield, and Guo Huai lured Xiahou Ba into a trap, sandwiching him between two forces. Xiahou Ba managed to escape, but his army was decimated. With no other option left, Xiahou Ba decided to seek refuge in the kingdom of Shu. Now, remember that Xiahou Ba had long been an enemy of Shu, what with all those battles he fought against Zhuge Liang under Sima Yi’s command. Will he find a receptive audience? Let’s find out. Xiahou Ba went to the region of Hanzhong to see Jiang Wei, who had been commanding the Shu forces since Zhuge Liang’s death. Jiang Wei was understandably skeptical about this defection, so he had his men go check things out before letting Xiahou Ba into the city. Once summoned, Xiahou Ba entered, kneeled, and wept as he recounted what happened. Trying to console Xiahou Ba, Jiang Wei told him, “In ancient times, Wei (1) Zi (3) joined the Zhou (1) and made an everlasting name for himself. Sir, if you can help restore the house of Han, you will do the ancients proud.” Ok, so a quick aside about this Wei Zi that Jiang Wei just name dropped. He was a historical figure from the end of the Shang Dynasty, so he was living a good 1,300 years before this point in the novel. He was a son of the Shang emperor. He saw his kingdom going downhill fast, but his old man would not listen to his advice. Eventually, Wei Zi decided to leave the kingdom of Shang. He later came into the service of the House of Zhou, the dynasty that ended up supplanting the Shang. He served the Zhou capably and made a name for himself. So Jiang Wei was telling Xiahou Ba there’s no shame in turning against your own kingdom.   So anyway, back to the present. After consoling Xiahou Ba,

It’s been a while since someone made a play to seize power from within. That changes this week. * Transcript * Map of Key Locations * Graph of Key Characters and Relationships Transcript PDF version Welcome to the Romance of the Three Kingdoms Podcast. This is episode 137. Last time, the Wei emperor Cao Rui had died, and his 8-year-old son, Cao Fang (1), ascended to the throne. Being 8, he needed some adults to help him manage things. Those adults were Sima Yi and Cao Shuang, the son of Sima Yi’s former colleague and sometimes-frenemy Cao Zhen. Things started out well enough between Sima Yi and Cao Shuang, until somebody reminded Cao Shuang how Sima Yi had showed up his late father time after time, though really, it was his father who usually did the heavy lifting in humiliating himself. In any case, Cao Shuang decided to elbow Sima Yi out of the way, and he did so in a very cloak-and-dagger way. He convinced the emperor to promote Sima Yi to imperial guardian, a lofty title that just so happened to carry zero military authority. So Cao Shuang, as regent, hoarded command of the army, and with that came total control of the court. In response, Sima Yi, well, just decided to stay home on account of … umm … illness. And his two sons also retreated from public life, settling into private lives of leisure instead. So now Cao Shuang, with a firm grasp on control of the court, spent his days drinking and making merry with his entourage. Their clothing and daily wares were the equal of those used by the court. Whenever a tribute of exotic curios arrived for the emperor, Cao Shuang skimmed the best for himself before sending the rest to the emperor. His residence was filled with pretty women, and even that wasn’t enough. A eunuch from the inner palace wanted to suck up to Cao Shuang, so he picked seven or eight of the late emperor’s attending ladies and secretly sent them to Cao Shuang. As you can imagine, getting busy with women who had served your former lord was a huge impropriety, but Cao Shuang didn’t care. He just piled on. He chose 30 or 40 daughters from good families to serve as his private singers and dancers. He also built a multi-level painted gallery, commissioned gold and silver wares, and hired hundreds of artisans to work day and night on things to tingle the senses. So basically, he was living the debauched life of a spoiled, myopic aristocrat. Things usually end well for those people in this novel, right? Another thing that Cao Shuang began doing quite frequently was to go on hunting expeditions outside the city with his entourage. One of his younger brothers told him, “You hold too much power to go hunting all the time. If somebody makes a move against you, it’ll be too late for regrets.” But Cao Shuang scoffed. “I control the military. What concern is there?” So he dismissed cautions from his brother and another confidant and kept up with his hunting. And in this way, 10 years passed. Yes, you heard right. Ten years passed, just like that. See, I told you the timeline gets really compressed from here on out. So, we’re now in the year 249, a decade after the young emperor Cao Fang ascended to the throne. All power rested with Cao Shuang. As for Sima Yi, Cao Shuang had kind of lost track of the man over the years. After all, Sima Yi had basically disappeared from public life years ago because of his health. Around this time, the emperor had appointed one of Cao Shuang’s confidants,

A new threat emerges on Wei’s northeastern borders, and he is just as bad at battle strategy as Jon Snow. * Transcript * Map of Key Locations * Graph of Key Characters and Relationships Transcript PDF version Welcome to the Romance of the Three Kingdoms Podcast. This is episode 136. Last time, we had a rare year of peace after Zhuge Liang died. None of the three kingdoms were at war. But while there was peace on the frontiers, the Wei emperor Cao Rui was fighting a war on the homefront. He engaged in lavish palace construction projects that drained his kingdom of men and wealth and executed officials who dared to speak up against it. Also, he was stirring up trouble in his harem. He was enamored with a concubine named Lady Guo (1), causing him to neglect his empress, Empress Mao (2). When Empress Mao made a somewhat snide remark about him touring the gardens with Lady Guo  the day before, Cao Rui became incensed, because he had specifically ordered the palace attendants that no one was to mention a word of it to the empress, and yet it looked like somebody had snitched. So, in a fit of anger, he ordered all his attendants be put to death. This shocked Empress Mao, and she quickly returned to her palace. But by the time she got back, a decree from Cao Rui had arrived, ordering her to commit suicide, which she dutifully did. Once that was done, Cao Rui named Lady Guo his new empress. Nobody at court dared to say a word about this, since they had all seen what happens to those who speak up against their lord. And remember that Cao Rui’s father, the previous emperor Cao Pi, had done the exact same thing to Cao Rui’s mother, first neglecting her for another woman, and then ordering her death when he got annoyed with her. Like father like son, I guess.   So Cao Rui was not-so-subtly running down the road to ruins, ticking every box in the cliché despot’s checklist to self-destruction. But before he could run himself into the ground, an external threat arose that tried to do it for him. One day, an urgent message arrived from You (1) Province, informing him that Gongsun Yuan (1) had declared himself a king and was busy building an imperial palace and invading other territories in the north. So yeah, this was rebellion. So who was this Gongsun Yuan (1) that’s causing trouble in the north? His father, Gongsun Kang (1), was a warlord who reigned over the region of Liaodong (2,1), which lay in the northeastern corner of the empire. In the year 207, Cao Cao defeated the sons of Yuan Shao, and two of them fled to seek refuge with Gongsun Kang (1). Gongsun Kang took one look at the situation and decided that there would be more trouble than it’s worth to keep them around, so he ambushed them at a banquet and killed them. When he sent their heads to Cao Cao, Cao Cao was delighted and gave him a marquiship and allowed him to stay in control in the region of Liaodong. All of this was covered back in episode 42 if you need a refresher. So Gongsun Kang had two sons, and the younger one was our latest rebel, Gongsun Yuan (1). When Gongsun Kang died, both of his sons were still young, so their uncle assumed Gongsun Kang’s position and was later promoted by Cao Rui’s father Cao Pi to General of Chariots and Cavalry. By the year 228, Gongsun Yuan (1) had grown to adulthood. He was well-versed in literary and martial skills, but he also had a stubborn, aggressive personality. He put all those traits to use in wrestling control of the region from ...

While Zhuge Liang sails off into eternal fame, the Wei emperor Cao Rui goes in search of eternal youth. * Transcript * Map of Key Locations * Graph of Key Characters and Relationships Transcript PDF version Welcome to the Romance of the Three Podcast. This is episode 135. Last time, the kingdom of Shu was in trouble. Its indispensable man, Zhuge Liang, had died. And what’s more, its most fierce warrior, the general Wei Yan, had started a rebellion. But when Wei Yan confronted a detachment of the Shu army, most of his own men quickly deserted, since they were in no mood to fight their own countrymen. They all just wanted to go home. Wei Yan tried yelling at them, and he tried chasing them, and then he tried killing a few of them. But nothing worked, and his army dissipated. But there was one unit that did not budge. It was the 300 men under the command of the general Ma Dai, who had been serving in Wei Yan’s unit when Wei Yan decided to rebel. “Sir,” Wei Yan said to Ma Dai, “if you are sincere about helping me, then when I succeed, I will not forget you.” Ma Dai said yeah ok, that sounds good. By this time, the Shu forces that confronted them had retreated, so the two of them regrouped what was left of their army and tried to figure out their next move. “How about we go serve the kingdom of Wei?” Wei Yan suggested. “General, that is not a good idea,” Ma Dai said. “Why should a true man subjugate himself to the service of another instead of seeking his own empire? In my view, you possess valor and cunning. Who in the Riverlands would dare to oppose you? I swear that I shall join you. Let’s first take Hanzhong, and then invade the Riverlands.” Wei Yan was delighted with this idea, so they led their forces toward Nanzheng (2,4), the key city in the region of Hanzhong. Now Nanzheng was where the main Shu army was garrisoned, led by the senior adviser Yang Yi and the general Jiang Wei. When they saw Wei Yan’s forces approaching with a head of steam, Jiang Wei quickly ordered the drawbridge be pulled up. Wei Yan and Ma Dai now shouted from the foot of the city, demanding that the troops inside surrender. Jiang Wei asked Yang Yi, “Wei Yan is ferocious, and now he has Ma Dai helping him. Even though they don’t have a lot of men, how should we fend them off?” Yang Yi replied, “Before his excellency died, he left me a silk pouch and said that if Wei Yan rebels, I am to open the pouch when we are facing him on the field of battle, and a scheme to kill Wei Yan will present itself. We should look at it now.” So he took out the pouch. On the outside, it said, “Do not open until you are on your horse, across from Wei Yan on the field of battle.” That was good enough for Jiang Wei. “Since his excellency had left specific instructions, you should hold on to the pouch for now,” he told Yang Yi. “I will lead our troops outside and line up for battle. Then you can come out.” So Jiang Wei donned his armor, grabbed his spear, and led 3,000 men outside. Backed by rolling drums, they lined up in battle formation. Jiang Wei sat atop his horse under the main banner and shouted, “Wei Yan you traitor! The prime minister treated you well. Why are you rebelling?” Gripping his saber and his reins, Wei Yan shouted back, “This has nothing to do with you! Tell Yang Yi to come out!” During this exchange,

The death of its indispensable man is just the start of the Riverlands’ troubles. * Transcript * Map of Key Locations * Graph of Key Characters and Relationships Transcript PDF version Welcome to the Romance of the Three Kingdoms Podcast. This is episode 134. Last time, Zhuge Liang was on his deathbed. He had just lost consciousness when the court official Li (3) Fu (2) returned. Li Fu had come earlier on behalf of the emperor to ask Zhuge Liang for final instructions, and now, for some reason, he was back. When Li Fu saw that Zhuge Liang was unconscious, he wept and cried that he had failed his kingdom. But moments later, Zhuge Liang opened his eyes again. As he scanned the tent, he spotted Li Fu standing by his bed. “I know why you have returned,” Zhuge Liang said. “I came on his majesty’s command to ask your excellency who should be entrusted with your responsibilities after you have passed on,” Li Fu said. “But in my distress, I forgot to ask you, so I have returned.” Really, man? You had one job. ONE JOB! But Zhuge Liang had no time for that now. He said in a low voice, “After my death, Jiang (2) Wan (3) may be entrusted with the responsibilities.” “And what about after Jiang Wan?” Li Fu asked. “Who can succeed him?” “Fei Yi would do,” Zhuge Liang whispered. “And what about after Fei Yi? Who then?” But there was no answer. When everyone stepped closer, they saw that Zhuge Liang had expired. It was 23rd day of the 8th month in the year 234, and Zhuge Liang was just 54 years old.   So yeah, oh my god! Zhuge Liang, THE pivotal character of the novel, THE indispensable man for the kingdom of Shu, is dead. You can bet we’re going to have a poem, or three, before we move on. The first comes from Du (4) Fu (3), a great Tang Dynasty poet who lived some 500 years after Zhuge Liang, and whose work we have already referenced elsewhere in the novel. The star that dropped last night upon his camp Announced to all: “The master fell this day.” No longer from his tent will orders flow; The Hall of Fame will honor his success. Three thousand followers left masterless, The hosts in his mind’s eye denied their day. Nor, in the green woods, clear and sunlit, Will Zhuge Liang’s fine-voiced chants be heard again.   The next poem also comes from another Tang Dynasty poet, and it goes something like this: Ensconced in hills, the master hid his tracks; By twist of fate a sage king sued three times. Only in Nanyang (2,2) could “fish” and “water” meet: “The dragon flies to heavenly Han — a wholesome rain.” To Liu Bei’s heir Zhuge Liang gave zealous care; Serving the state, he poured forth his loyal heart. And still today his calls to war live on; How many readers can restrain their tears?   And finally, our third poem comes from another Tang dynasty poet. Yeah, you get the feeling that Tang dynasty poets were crushing hard on Zhuge Liang. To set the times aright he backed Liu Bei; With earnest zeal he took the orphan king. His splendid gifts surpassed Guan (3) Zhong (4) and Yue (4) Yi (4); His unique schemes outshined those of Sun Zi and Wu (2) Qi (3). How awe-inspiring his two-part call to war!

A stunning turn of events in the showdown between Zhuge Liang and Sima Yi. * Transcript * Map of Key Locations * Graph of Key Characters and Relationships Transcript PDF version Welcome to the Romance of the Three KIngdoms Podcast. This is episode 133. Last time, after many, many tries, Zhuge Liang finally got his nemesis Sima Yi to take the bait, luring Sima Yi into a valley. As soon as Sima Yi, his two sons, and his army were inside, Zhuge Liang’s men sealed off the entrance and set the place on fire, triggering the explosives that they had buried in the valley. Sima Yi and company found themselves trapped like rats. As the flames closed in, all Sima Yi could do was to pull his sons into his arms and wait for death. As the fire inched closer, Zhuge Liang looked on from a nearby hill with delight. This was his finest hour. In a matter of minutes, Sima Yi would be dead, and the path to the Heartlands would be cleared, and his dream and lifelong work of reuniting the empire would be close to fruition. Once the Wei falls, it would only be a matter of time before Dongwu succumbs as well, and then … Wait, what’s happening?   Out of nowhere, a powerful gale kicked up, and the sky quickly grew dark. Then, with the loud clap of a thunderbolt, a drop of rain hit the ground, then another, and then another. No. You have GOT to be kidding me! As Zhuge Liang looked on, the heavens opened up and a torrential rain poured down on him and on the valley below. Soon, the fire inside the valley was extinguished, the landmines were silenced, and all the firework had gone out. “Now is our chance to get out of here!” Sima Yi shouted. Given a new lease on life, he and his troops stormed out of the gorge. His reinforcements also arrived. The Shu general Ma Dai, who was responsible for setting the trap, did not have enough troops with him to make a fight of it, so he did not dare to give chase. Watching Sima Yi disappear into the distance, Zhuge Liang sighed. “Man may devise, but heaven decides. We cannot bend events to our will.” So Sima Yi and his troops limped back to their camp on the south bank of the Wei River. But when they got there, they realized that the Shu forces had already taken it. Meanwhile, their comrades Guo Huai and Sun Li (3) were busy trying to fend off the attack on the pontoon bridges. When Sima Yi arrived with reinforcements, the Shu forces fell back. But Sima Yi wasn’t going to take any chances. He burned his own pontoon bridges and set up camp on the north bank. Meanwhile, the rest of the Wei forces were busy attacking the Shu base at Qi Mountain. But when they heard that Sima Yi had been routed and that their camp on the south bank of the river had been sacked, they lost heart and tried to retreat. What ensued was not pretty, as the Shu forces slaughtered them en mass. The Wei forces suffered something like 80 or 90 percent casualties, and the survivors all scrambled across to the north bank of the river. Sima Yi now sent out an order to everyone in his camp: “We have already lost the camp on the south bank of the river. Any officer who speaks of fighting again will be executed.” Soon, Guo Huai came to see Sima Yi and told him, “Zhuge Liang has been leading troops on recon missions in recent days. He must be looking for a place to pitch camp.” Sima Yi said,

Again and again, Sima Yi is made to rue the day he stole Zhuge Liang’s invention. * Transcript * Map of Key Locations * Graph of Key Characters and Relationships Transcript PDF version Welcome to the Romance of the Three Kingdoms Podcast. This is episode 132. Last time, Zhuge Liang invented the wheelbarrow. Except he called his creations wooden oxens and gliding horses, and he used them to move grain. But it didn’t take long for Sima Yi to catch on and he decided to do some corporate espionage. Well, actually it was more like a corporate smash and grab. He sent some troops to ambush one of Zhuge Liang’s convoys and steal some of these contraptions. He then had his own craftsmen take them apart and reverse-engineer them, thus flooding the wheelbarrow market with a bunch of made-in-China knockoffs, which he began to use to transport his own grains. While Sima Yi was busy assimilating foreign technology, the Shu general whose convoy was ambushed ran back to camp to tell Zhuge Liang what happened. But far from being angry, Zhuge Liang was delighted. “I was hoping he would steal them,” he said with a smile. “I may have lost a few wooden oxens and gliding horses, but soon our army will gain plenty of provisions.” Huh? His officers weren’t quite following, but that’s how Zhuge Liang preferred it. He now told the general Wang Ping to take 1,000 men disguised as the enemy and sneak over to the northern plain under the cover of darkness. Once there, they were to travel to the enemy’s supply route under the guise of a convoy, and then they were supposed to attack a real convoy and take their wooden oxens and gliding horses, and then head back across the northern plain. Now, of course, when the Wei forces find out about this, they’re more than likely going to give chase, especially since it’s not like these wheelbarrows could just fly down the road. They only go six or seven miles day, remember. So Zhuge Liang told Wang Ping that if the enemy catches up, he was do X, Y, and Z. Next, he handed out instructions to seven other officers, and they all snapped to.   So, the next day, over on the northern plain, a Wei convoy was minding its own business when word came from the men in the front that they had encountered another convoy. The officer commanding the convoy sent someone to check it out, and they reported back that it was indeed their own men. So the commanding officer dropped his guard and proceeded to merge his convoy with the one up ahead. But suddenly, a loud cry rang out from the ranks, and within his own ranks, a slaughter broke out, accompanied by the loud shout, “The Shu general Wang Ping is here!” The real Wei soldiers were caught off guard and most were cut down, including the commanding officer. While the rest scattered, Wang Ping and his men seized the wooden oxens and gliding horses and turned them toward the Shu camp. While Wang Ping and company were ambling along in the world’s slowest getaway, the remnants of the Wei convoy ran to their camp on the northern plain, where they told the general Guo Huai what happened. Guo Huai immediately mobilized his troops to go take back their supplies. Wang Ping saw them approaching in the distance, and he and his men promptly abandoned their new prize. But, not before they reached into the mouths of these wooden oxens and gliding horses and...