Romance of the Three Kingdoms Podcast

We delve into the story of the one-armed assassin and the guy who kicked his butt AFTER being assassinated. * Transcript Transcript PDF version Welcome to the Romance of the Three Kingdoms Podcast. This is a supplemental episode. In this episode, we’re going to talk about a famous assassin, Yao (1) Li (2). His story was invoked by the Wei general Jia (3) Kui (2) in episode 123, when he tried to talk some sense into his commander Cao Xiu. Cao Xiu had been fooled by a governor from the kingdom of Wu who said he was going to surrender his territory to Wei. To convince Cao Xiu of his loyalty, this governor had cut off his hair, which as we discussed in episode 123, was no small thing. So Cao Xiu believed him. But Jia Kui told Cao Xiu, “Look, cutting off hair is NOTHING. Just look at the story of Yao (1) Li (2), who cut off his arm to assassinate a man.” So, let’s look at the story of Yao Li, and there’s a lot more to it than just cutting off an arm to assassinate a man. And if you thought cutting off an arm so you could kill a man is cringe-inducing, just wait. Yao Li lived during the Spring and Autumn period, that famous period of division that has given rise to so many idioms and references in our novel. Yao Li lived sometime in the early 500s B.C., in the southern state of Wu (2). And yes, I know. We also have a state of Wu in the Three Kingdoms era. They both occupy somewhat similar territories, which is why the state in the Three Kingdoms adopted the name of a state that existed centuries before. Anyway, to talk about Yao Li, we must first talk about the king of Wu at this time. This king came to the throne by assassinating his own cousin. But his cousin’s son, who was named Qing (4) Ji (4), fled to another state. Qing Ji was known as a man of courage and smarts. It was said that he once managed to capture an elk AND a rhino on a hunt, though I’m not sure where you would find a rhino along the Yangzi River delta. While in exile, Qing (4) Jin (4) raised a big army with the intent of coming back home and doing the, “You killed my father, prepare to die” thing. This of course, was a problem for the king of Wu, and he desperately wanted to do away with Qing Ji. His top adviser told him, “Hey, I found this butcher slash fisherman who would be perfect for the job.” This, of course, was Yao (1) Li (2), and his resume sounded pretty good. His father was apparently a professional assassin, so he’s got that going for him. He apparently also was quite clever and very courageous. So the king summoned him. But when Yao Li arrived, he did not exactly strike an imposing figure. He was short and skinny, and very ugly. But he talked a good game, and after the king laid out the job for which he was being considered, Yao Li eagerly volunteered. The king, though, wasn’t so sure. Aside from Yao Li’s appearance, there was also the fact that his target, Qing Ji was notoriously suspicious, and it was nearly impossible for anyone to earn his trust to get close enough to him to make an attempt on his life. But Yao Li had a great idea. “My lord,” he said to the king, “you can kill my wife and then cut off one of my arms. That will eliminate Qing Ji’s suspicion.” Ok, I think we can go with … WAIT, WHAT?! You want me to … kill your wife … and cut off one of your arms. Uhh, maybe you should consider the possibility that your work-life balance is a little out of whack? “You’re helping me to eliminate an enemy; how can I kill your wife?” said the king,

Zhuge Liang and Sima Yi match wits over the latest in wheelbarrow technology. * Transcript * Map of Key Locations * Graph of Key Characters and Relationships Transcript PDF version Welcome to the Romance of the Three Kingdoms Podcast. This is episode 131. Last time, Zhuge Liang was hoping the sixth time would be the charm as he launched yet another Northern campaign. Standing in his way was his old foe, Sima Yi. And this time, Sima Yi actually caught wise to Zhuge Liang’s tricks. Zhuge Liang was planning to fake an attack on the Wei camp on the northern plain while launching a real attack on their pontoon bridges on the Wei River. But Sima Yi saw through the scheme and prepared accordingly. First, he told his vanguard generals Xiahou Ba (4) and Xiahou Wei (1), “If you hear commotion from the northern plain, lead your troops to the hills to the south of the river. When enemy troops approach, attack.” Next, he sent the generals Zhang Hu (3) and Yue (4) Chen (1) to lead 2,000 archers and lie in wait on the north bank near the pontoon bridges, with orders to bombard the Shu forces with arrows if they tried to approach on the river. Then, he told the generals Guo Huai and Sun Li (3), “Zhuge Liang will encroach on the northern plain to cover up his real attack on the river. You have just set up your camp and don’t have many troops. Hide all of them in an ambush along the road. If the Shu forces cross the river in the afternoon, they will attack you around dusk. Pretend to fall back and lure them into pursuit. Then hit them with arrows. I will be advancing on land and water. If the enemy arrives en masse, just watch for my command and attack.” Finally, Sima Yi ordered his two sons, Sima Shi (1) and Sima Zhao (1) to lead a force to reinforce the front camp, while Sima Yi himself led an army to reinforce the northern plain.   Meanwhile, Zhuge Liang was proceeding with his plan, not knowing that Sima Yi had caught on. He sent the generals Wei Yan and Ma Dai to cross the river and lead the assault on the northern plain. He sent the generals Wu Ban and Wu Yi (4) to lead the rafts to go burn the pontoon bridges. Then, three forces were sent to attack the enemy camp on the bank of the Wei River. The front column was led by Wang Ping and Zhang Yi (2). Jiang Wei and Ma Zhong led the middle column. Liao Hua and Zhang Yi (4) led the rear column. Everyone set out at noon and crossed over the river and went their separate ways. So first let’s follow Wei Yan and Ma Dai on their assault of the northern plain. They approached the Wei camp as the sky was getting dark. As soon as the Wei general Sun Li saw them, he abandoned camp and fled. Now Wei Yan was an old hand at this, so he immediately sensed a trap and ordered his troops to fall back. But it was too late. Loud cries rose up all around. From the left charged out a force led by Sima Yi, and from the right charged a force led by Guo Huai. Their attack drove most of the Shu soldiers into the water. Wei Yan and Ma Dai managed to fight their way out with some tattered troops, and fortunately for them, their comrade Wu Yi arrived with some rafts and ferried them back to the other side of the river, where they managed to hold their ground. While this was going on, the Shu general Wu Ban was leading the other half of the rafts down the river to burn the pontoon bridges. But as soon as they got near the bridges, they were met with a hailstorm of arrows.

After another promising Northern campaign gets short-circuited, Zhuge Liang prays to his former lord for the strength to carry on, because he’s made up his mind and he ain’t wasting no more time. * Transcript * Map of Key Locations * Graph of Key Characters and Relationships Transcript PDF version Welcome to the Romance of the Three Kingdoms Podcast. This is episode 130. Last time, we left Zhuge Liang in a bit of a pickle. He was garrisoned inside a small town called Lucheng (3,2), while his opponent Sima Yi had sent an army to attack the Saber Pass, which would cut off Zhuge Liang’s path of retreat and his supply route. Meanwhile, Sima Yi was coming to attack Lucheng (3,2) in person. What’s more, all this was happening at a time when Zhuge Liang was just about to rotate his field army off the front lines in exchange for fresh reserves. Zhuge Liang’s adviser Yang (2) Yi (2) now suggested that he should keep his field army right where it was until the crisis had passed. But Zhuge Liang disagreed. “We cannot do that,” he said. “I have always based my authority on being a man of my words. Since I have already given the order for the men to be rotated off the front, how can I go back on it? Besides, the men who are due to rotate off have been looking forward to going home, and their families are eagerly awaiting them. Even if I am facing a calamity, I will not keep them.” So Zhuge Liang sent out word that the troops were to rotate off as planned and they were to leave that day. But when the rank-and-file heard what he had said, they all shouted, “Your excellency is so kind and considerate! We are willing to postpone our departure and put our lives on the line to crush the enemy and repay you!” Zhuge Liang tried to convince the men to leave, but they steadfastly refused and insisted on going out to fight. So Zhuge Liang told them, “Since you insist on following me into battle, then let’s set up camp outside the town. When the enemy arrives, pounce on them before they can catch their breath. We will be rested while they toil.” The soldiers were delighted and they all grabbed their weapons and flooded outside the city to line up and wait. When the Wei army arrived outside the city, its troops were exhausted from the march and were just about to pitch camp and rest. But the Shu forces poured into them and sent them scurrying. While the Wei forces ran, the Shu army gave chase and left in their wake a field littered with the bodies of the enemy’s dead and rivers of blood. Zhuge Liang now summoned his victorious troops back into the town and rewarded them. But just as the celebration was getting underway, an urgent dispatch arrived from Li (3) Yan (2), a very high-ranking Shu official who was presently overseeing the key city of Baidi (2,4), which served as a check on the frenemy kingdom of Dongwu. Given the strategic importance of Li Yan’s location, Zhuge Liang was naturally alarmed at this urgent message and quickly opened it. The report said, “I have recently found out that Dongwu has sent an envoy to the Wei capital Luoyang to forge an alliance with Wei. Wei has ordered Dongwu to conquer our kingdom. Fortunately, Dongwu has not yet mobilized its forces. I am informing your excellency so that you can draw up a plan quickly.” Zhuge Liang decided that he must return at once to deal with this...

Just as he was getting into a groove, Zhuge Liang is rudely interrupted in the field by an urgent dispatch from his emperor.

A brief explanation of the story behind the most famous secret crossing in Chinese history.

You've seen Zhuge Liang kill someone with just his tongue. Now watch him kill someone with the written word.

Zhuge Liang’s third Northern expedition gets off to a promising start, but what else is new? * Transcript * Map of Key Locations * Graph of Key Characters and Relationships Transcript PDF version Welcome to the Romance of the Three Kingdoms Podcast. This is episode 127. Last time, Zhuge Liang had launched his third Northern campaign, and he was off to a strong start, taking the previously troublesome passage of Chencang and then sacking the cities of Wudu (3,1) and Yinping (1,2). The man sent to stop him, Sima Yi, tried to retaliate by sending his vanguard generals Zhang He and Dai (4) Ling (2) to raid Zhuge Liang’s camp, but Zhuge Liang had a trap waiting for them. Soon, the two Wei generals found themselves surrounded, and Zhuge Liang told them to surrender at once. But Zhang He was furious at this insult. Pointing at Zhuge Liang, he cursed. “You are a country bumpkin who’s encroaching on my kingdom’s borders. How dare you speak such nonsense?! If I catch you, I will cut you to pieces!” So Zhang He tried to fight his way up the hillside to get at Zhuge Liang. But he was immediately pushed back by a torrent of arrows and boulders. So he now charged right through the ranks of the Shu forces that surrounded him. Remember, Zhang He is the last surviving member of that elite club of officers who followed Cao Cao on his campaigns, and he was one of Wei’s mightiest warriors. As he charged to and fro, no one dared to get in his way. When he had fought his way out, he realized that his lieutenant Dai Ling was still trapped inside the enemy ranks. So Zhang He turned around and dove back into the fray, rescuing Dai Ling and fighting his way out once again. Watching from atop the hill, Zhuge Liang saw Zhang He storming here, there, and everywhere, seemingly growing more invigorated as the fight went on. Zhuge Liang turned to the officers by his side and said, “I often heard about the fight between Zhang He and Zhang Fei, and how its ferocity stunned everyone who witnessed it. Only now do I see what a warrior Zhang He is. He will be a thorn in our side if we allow him to live. I must eliminate him.” But today was not the day for that. With his prey having escaped, Zhuge Liang returned to camp with his army to plan his next move. Meanwhile, Sima Yi had lined up his troops in front of the Shu camp, waiting for his raiding party to throw the back of the enemy’s lines into chaos before attacking. Suddenly, he saw Zhang He and Dai Ling scrambling back to tell him that, uh, about that plan. We’ve got a slight problem. “Zhuge Liang is truly divine!” a stunned Sima Yi said. “We must fall back.” So he ordered his army to return to camp and assume a defensive posture. As for Zhuge Liang, he returned to camp with countless captured weapons and horses, and he sent Wei Yan to go challenge for combat every day. But the Wei forces had learned their lesson, and they now refused to come out. So half a month passed without any further combat. One day, while Zhuge Liang was contemplating his next move, he got word that the emperor had sent the official Fei (4) Yi (1) to deliver an edict. Zhuge Liang welcomed him in and performed the proper rituals for receiving an imperial edict. Fei Yi then started reading the decree. The edict announced that given Zhuge Liang’s recent accomplishments, he was being promoted back to prime minister,

Did you know that we had actually been rolling with just two official kingdoms all this time? Well, Sun Quan will fix that this week. * Transcript * Map of Key Locations * Graph of Key Characters and Relationships Transcript PDF version Welcome to the Romance of the Three Kingdoms Podcast. This is episode 126. Last time, we left off with the end of Zhuge Liang’s second unsuccessful campaign to conquer the kingdom of Wei. That was in the winter of the year 228. While Zhuge Liang regrouped at his base in Hanzhong, the Wei supreme commander Cao Zhen was forced to return to his capital to recover from an illness. So things were temporarily quiet on the Shu and Wei borders. But something big was stirring in the southeast, in the kingdom of Wu. Word of Zhuge Liang’s second expedition soon reached Wu. Hearing that Cao Zhen had once again suffered casualties, the officials of Wu all asked their lord Sun Quan to launch their own Northern campaign to conquer the Heartlands, but Sun Quan wasn’t so sure. The senior official Zhang Zhao, however, told him that there was something important he needed to do before he could go to war. “I have recently heard that that a phoenix was spotted in the mountain to the east of our capital, and that a green dragon was seen in the waters of the Great River,” Zhang Zhao said. “Your lordship’s virtue matches that of the ancient sage kings Yao and Shun, and your wisdom is the equal of the great kings of the Zhou Dynasty. You should ascend to the imperial throne, and then launch the campaign.” So remember that at this point, even though Wu was its own kingdom, Sun Quan was still technically not an emperor. I think the last title he had attained just the King of Wu, which was still a rung below emperor. Well, he’s going to take care of that right now, as all the officials chimed in in agreement with Zhang Zhao. So they picked out an auspicious date and set up an altar to the south of the capital Wuchang (3,1). Sun Quan ascended the altar and declared himself emperor. He dished out posthumous imperial titles to his father, mother, and older brother. His son Sun Deng (1) was named the heir apparent. Sun Quan also appointed the sons of two senior officials as assistants slash guides to his heir. These were Zhuge Ke (4), the eldest son of Zhuge Jin, and Zhang Xiu (1), the second son of Zhang Zhao. Zhuge Ke will play a prominent role in our story later on, so keep his name in mind. He stood about 5 foot 3, so certainly not among the taller guys we’ve met in the novel. But he was very smart and was always ready with some quick-witted repartee, which made Sun Quan adore him. When Zhuge Ke was about 6 years old, he accompanied his father to a banquet with Sun Quan. During the feast, Sun Quan, noticing how long Zhuge Jin’s face was, decided to have a little fun at his official’s expense. He ordered his men to bring a donkey into the banquet hall, and then wrote on its face, in chalk, the words “Zhuge Jin”. Everybody burst out laughing at this rather mean-spirited joke. While everyone was laughing at his father, Zhuge Ke stood up, grabbed the chalk, and added another word to the donkey’s face. When the people in attendance saw what he had written, they were all stunned. The poor donkey’s face now said, “Zhuge Jin’s donkey.” Sun Quan was delighted with Zhuge Ke’s wit,

Zhuge Liang toys with Cao Zhen time and again on his second Northern expedition. * Transcript * Map of Key Locations * Graph of Key Characters and Relations Transcript PDF version Welcome to the Romance of the Three Kingdoms Podcast. This is episode 125. So first, a quick progress update. By my count, we only have about 25 to 30 episodes left in the podcast. That’ll still take us well into next year before we finish, but the end is definitely coming up on us, fast and furiously. Unfortunately for Zhuge Liang, his second Northern expedition was proceeding at a much slower pace. In fact, he was stalled outside the first key point on his route, the fortress at the important passage of Chencang (2,1). Hao (3) Zhao (1), the Wei general overseeing the defense of this location, had handled everything Zhuge Liang threw at him. And then, he got backup, as the vanguard of the Wei forces sent to stop Zhuge Liang arrived. Their general, a mighty warrior named Wang Shuang (1), lived up to his billing. He killed two no-name officers that Zhuge Liang sent, and then wounded an actual named general. A concerned Zhuge Liang now summoned his pet project, the officer Jiang Wei, and asked him if he had any ideas. “Chencang has strong fortifications,” Jiang Wei said. “Hao Zhao is staging a stiff defense, and now he has help from Wang Shuang. This is indeed an impossible place to take. We should leave a top general to pitch camp here. Dispatch another top general to guard against an attack from Jieting. Then lead the main army to attack the Qi Mountain. If we proceed in such and such a manner, we can capture Cao Zhen.” Zhuge Liang took Jiang Wei’s suggestion. He ordered the officers Wang Ping and Li (3) Hui (1) to lead two armies to guard the backroads leading to Jieting. He also stationed Wei Yan at the head of a force that kept watch on Chencang. Then, Zhuge Liang set off along the backroads through the Xie (2) Gorge toward the Qi Mountain, with the general Ma Dai as his vanguard and the officers Guan Xing and Zhang Bao bringing up the rear.   While Zhuge Liang was getting stymied, the Wei supreme commander Cao Zhen was feeling mighty good about himself. He had gotten his butt kicked by Zhuge Liang when they faced off in the last campaign, and then Cao Zhen had to watch Sima Yi get all the credit for turning back Zhuge Liang. So this time, when he heard that his vanguard general Wang Shuang had slayed enemy officers and won a couple battles, Cao Zhen was ecstatic, and he ordered his officers to keep up a tight watch on all the key locations. One day, the Wei pickets captured an enemy spy in the Xie (2) Gorge and took him to see Cao Zhen. This man kneeled on the ground and said, “I am not a spy. I was coming to deliver important intelligence to you, general, but I got lost and was picked up by your men. Please, let’s speak in private.” So Cao Zhen ordered the man be untied and then dismissed everyone else. This guy then told him, “I am Jiang Wei’s confidant, here to deliver a secret letter from him.” As he spoke, this man took out a letter from under his shirt. The letter said: “I, Jiang Wei, a deserter, offer a hundred prostrations and this letter to Supreme Commander Cao Zhen. I have long received my living from the kingdom of Wei and was sent to defend a border town. I have received great kindness and have no way to repay it. Previously, I fell for Zhuge Liang’s scheme and had to find a way to survive a desperate si...

We delve into the life and career of the real Liu Bei to see if he is really as virtuous as the novel made him out to be (spoiler alert: No one can be as virtuous as the novel made Liu Bei out to be). Transcript Painting at the Summer Palace of Liu Bei declaring himself king. (Source: Wikipedia) Transcript PDF version Welcome to the Romance of the Three Kingdoms Podcast. This is a supplemental episode. Alright, so this is another big one, as we bid farewell to the novel’s main protagonist, Liu Bei. In the novel, he is portrayed as the ideal Confucian ruler, extolled for his virtue, compassion, kindness, and honor, as well as his eagerness for seeking out men of talent. How much of that is actually true? Well, we’ll see. But bear in mind that even the source material we have about Liu Bei should be considered heavily biased, since the main historical source we have, the Records of the Three Kingdoms, was written by a guy who had served in the court of the kingdom that Liu Bei founded, which no doubt colored his view of the man. Given Liu Bei’s eventual status as the emperor of a kingdom, there were, unsurprisingly, very extensive records about his life and career, and what’s laid out in the novel In terms of the whens, wheres, and whats of Liu Bei’s life pretty much corresponds with real-life events. Because of that, I’m not going to do a straight rehash of his life since that alone would take two full episodes. Seriously, I had to rewrite this episode three times to make it a manageable length, which is why it’s being released a month later than I anticipated. So instead, I’m going to pick and choose from the notable stories about Liu Bei from the novel and talk about which ones were real and which ones were pure fiction. And then I’m going to conclude by taking a look into the novel’s general portrayal of the man compared to his real-life self. Let’s start with his roots. According to the historical records, Liu Bei was indeed a descendant of an emperor, specifically, the sixth emperor of the Western Han Dynasty. That emperor, it should be noted, died about 300 years before Liu Bei was born. So in the novel, when you hear people tracing Liu Bei’s lineage back to an emperor, just remember that Liu Bei was so many steps removed from the main imperial line that the sitting emperor probably would ignore his request to connect on LinkedIn. There is also some disagreement about exactly WHICH imperial line Liu Bei belonged to, but in any case, by Liu Bei’s time, his twig on the family tree was looking pretty sorry. Just like in the novel, Liu Bei’s family was broke and he was indeed a maker and peddler of straw-woven shoes and mats. This background, of course, gave his future enemies something to hold over his head whenever they needed a good insult on the battlefield. By the way, in the city of Chengdu, the capital of Liu Bei’s kingdom, he is apparently worshipped as the patron saint of shoemakers. I know, that sounds just like the line from the movie Spinal Tap about there being a real Saint Hubbins who was the patron saint of quality footwear, but it’s apparently at least somewhat true. I found an article from 2005 that described a giant ceremony in Chengdu to offer sacrifices to Liu Bei as, quote, the god of shoes. Now, how much of that was real worship and how much was just an attempt to make a quick buck off Liu Bei’s name? Your guess is as good as mine, though this being China,

Zhuge Liang prepares to take another shot at Wei, but one old friend will not be joining him.

While Zhuge Liang picks up the pieces after his aborted Northern campaign, a Wei commander falls for a trick from the South.

When his campaign takes a drastic turn for the worse, Zhuge Liang is forced to resort to a desperate gamble.

Meng Da totally misses the point of a SECRET rebellion. Can Zhuge Liang's advice help him pull it off anyway?

While the Wei forces have their hands full with Zhuge Liang along the border, a new threat lurks deep inside their territory.