Romance of the Three Kingdoms Podcast

Liu Zhang looks for outside help to deal with the last outside help he brought in, while we hit pause to catch up with Ma Chao and his misadventures. * Transcript * Map of Key Locations * Graph of Key Characters and Relationships Transcript PDF version Welcome to the Romance of the Three Kingdoms Podcast. This is episode 81. Last time, we left off with Zhuge Liang about to face off against Zhang Ren, the commander of the Riverlands troops guarding Luocheng, the city that Zhuge Liang and Liu Bei were besieging. The two sides squared off on the battlefield, but Zhuge Liang came out with a sorry-looking bunch of soldiers. Seeing this, Zhang Ren did not hesitate and ordered his men to charge. As soon as they did, Zhuge Liang quickly abandoned his carriage, hopped on a horse, and led his ragtag bunch back across Golden Goose Bridge. Zhang Ren pursued him across the bridge, but as soon as he was across, he could see Liu Bei charging forth from the left and the general Yan Yan sweeping in from the right. Recognizing that he had fallen for a ruse, Zhang Ren tried to turn back, but lo and behold, the bridge had already been taken apart, which is an impressively efficient feat by another of Liu Bei’s generals, Zhao Yun, who had orders to wait until Zhang Ren was across and then tear up the bridge. What’s more, Zhao Yun and his men now guarded the shore, which made Zhang Ren think twice about fleeing back that way. So instead, he fled south along the river. Before he had gone but a couple miles, though, he ran into another ambush. The generals Wei Yan and Huang Zhong sprang out of the reeds with 1,000 men each. Wei Yan’s men stabbed at Zhang Ren’s riders with long spears, while Huang Zhong’s men slashed at the legs of their horses with knives. It was a disaster for Zhang Ren’s cavalry, and when the infantry behind them saw the cavalry disintegrate, no one dared to go forward. Zhang Ren was now left with just a few dozen riders as he headed toward the back roads in the hills. But Zhuge Liang had foreseen this, too, and Zhang Ren soon ran smack dab into Zhang Fei. Zhang Ren had nowhere to go, and Zhang Fei’s men swooped in and took him prisoner. Meanwhile, the general leading the back of Zhang Ren’s troops saw what was happening and decided that now was a very good time to switch loyalties, so he surrendered to Zhao Yun.   Once everyone returned to camp, Liu Bei first rewarded the guy who surrendered, and then had Zhang Ren brought into the tent. “All the generals in the region of Shu have seen which way the wind is blowing and surrendered,” Liu Bei said to him. “Why don’t you do the same?” But unlike his former comrades, Zhang Ren did not bow. “How can a loyal official serve two masters?!” he shouted as he glared at Liu Bei. “You are blind to heaven’s will,” Liu Bei told him. “If you surrender, I will spare your life.” “Even if I submit today, I will not remain submissive for long!” Zhang Ren shot back. “You should execute me quickly!” Despite this, Liu Bei could not bear to kill the man. But Zhang Ren refused to give him an easy out, as he cursed loudly at Liu Bei until eventually, Zhuge Liang said enough was enough and told the guards to take him outside and grant him his death wish. Liu Bei lamented having to kill such a loyal man and ordered that he be buried next to Golden Goose Bridge. And honestly, despite all their rhetoric about loyalty,

Zhang Fei discovers that all you need to do to get the Riverlands’ finest to switch sides is to say please. * Transcript * Map of Key Locations * Graph of Key Characters and Relationships Transcript PDF Version Welcome to the Romance of the Three Kingdoms Podcast. This is episode 80. Last time, Liu Bei had lost Master Young Phoenix, Pang Tong, to an ambush. So he asked Zhuge Liang to come to the Riverlands to bail him out. Zhuge Liang left Guan Yu in charge of Jing Province and set off. He sent Zhang Fei along the main land route while he himself traveled by water with the general Zhao Yun. Zhang Fei had little trouble from the locals until he reached Ba (1) County, where a stubborn general named Yan Yan dared to stand in his way. So Zhang Fei sent a messenger to Yan Yan, and this messenger conveyed the following sentiments from Zhang Fei: “Old fool. If you hurry up and surrender, then I will spare your civilians. If you resist, then I will stomp your city flat and leave no one, not even the old and the young!” This messenger probably did not make it very far past “Old fool …” before Yan Yan blew his lid. “How dare that bastard be so rude! I am not one to submit to traitors!” But Yan Yan did not shoot the messenger, since beheading was the preferred form of execution during this time. But seriously, Yan Yan actually allowed the messenger to keep his head. “I will use you to deliver my message back to Zhang Fei!” he said.   But while the messenger got to keep his head, he was not able to keep everything ON his head. Yan Yan ordered his guards to cut off the guy’s ears and nose before letting him go. The poor schmuck scampered back to Zhang Fei in tears and told what happened and what Yan Yan had said. Zhang Fei took it quite well and said, “Hmm, upon further reflection, perhaps I was a little too …”. No, no, just kidding. Actually, Zhang Fei was fuming so hard that he gnashed his teeth and his eyes grew wide. He immediately donned his armor and led a few hundred riders to the foot of the city walls to demand battle, but Yan Yan had told his men to just defend the city and ride out the storm, so the city guards simply rained down insults of all stripes on Zhang Fei. Zhang Fei was in no mood for this, and he charged to the drawbridge several times, but that was when the guards began raining down arrows in addition to insults, and each time Zhang Fei had to fall back. This went on until nightfall, and no one came out to give Zhang Fei the honorable combat he craved, so he had no choice but to go back to camp and stew in his anger.   The next morning, Zhang Fei again led his troops out to challenge for battle. This time, Yan Yan took a shot at him from the defense tower, and the arrow struck Zhang Fei’s helmet, which was like pouring gasoline on the fire that was already raging inside him. “You old bastard!” Zhang Fei yelled as he pointed at Yan Yan. “If I catch you, I will eat your flesh!” Surprise surprise. This flesh-eating threat did not make Yan Yan any more inclined to come out of the city. So Zhang Fei cursed from morning till night again, but again went back to camp without a taste of battle. On the third day, Zhang Fei again went to the foot of the city to demand combat, but was met with more of the same. Now, this place was a mountain town and it was surrounded by hills. Zhang Fei rode up to the top of one hill to get a look down inside the city,...

Just as numerous omens portended, disaster strikes Liu Bei’s campaign in the Riverlands. * Transcript * Map of Key Locations * Graph of Key Characters and Relationships Transcript PDF version Welcome to the Romance of the Three Kingdoms Podcast. This is episode 79. Last time, Liu Bei and company got a visit from a strange man named Peng (2) Yang (4), who made himself at home in the residence of Liu Bei’s adviser Pang Tong. Peng Yang ate Pang Tong’s food, drank Pang Tong’s wine, and took a nap on Pang Tong’s couch, all without so much as telling his host what his name was. It turns out that Peng Yang was a good friend of Fa Zheng, a Riverlands official who was helping Liu Bei, and he claimed that he was there to save the lives of tens of thousands of Liu Bei’s men, but he would only reveal his secret to Liu Bei. So Fa Zheng quickly alerted Liu Bei, and Liu Bei rushed over to meet this strange man who had apparently come to save his life and the lives of all his troops. “General, how much troops do you have in your front camps?” Peng Yang asked him. “Wei Yan and Huang Zhong are garrisoned there,” Liu Bei answered. “How can a commander not understand geography,” Peng Yang said. “The front camp hugs the River Fu (2). If the enemy redirects the river’s flow, no one would be left alive in your front camp.”   This reminder brought Liu Bei to his senses, but Peng Yang was not done yet. “Judging by the stars, something bad is going to happen. You must be careful,” he told Liu Bei. Liu Bei thanked him profusely and treated him as an esteemed guest. He also secretly sent word to Wei Yan and Huang Zhong, warning them to be on the lookout for shenanigans with the river. So the two generals decided that they would take turns keeping watch each day and would alert each other if they saw the enemy coming. That night, the rain began to pour and the wind was howling. Ling Bao saw this and decided that this was the perfect time to redirect the river. So he set out with his 5,000 men to the riverbank. But just as they were getting ready to do some channel digging, shouts came from the rear of his column. Recognizing that the enemy was ready for him, Ling Bao quickly ordered his men to retreat. But it was too late. Wei Yan was charging this way with his troops, and the soldiers of the Riverlands trampled each other trying to get away. Ling Bao was also trying to get away, but he ran smack dab into Wei Yan. After just a few bouts, Wei Yan captured Ling Bao alive. Ling Bao’s backup, led by Wu (2) Lan (2) and Lei (2) Tong (2), tried to come to his rescue, but Huang Zhong fought them off. After the battle, Wei Yan took his prisoner to see Liu Bei. This time, Liu Bei was much less lenient. “I treated you with honor and benevolence, yet you betrayed me!” Liu Bei admonished Ling Bao. “There is no mercy for you this time!” And so Ling Bao was dragged outside and beheaded, while Wei Yan and Huang Zhong were rewarded for their good work. Liu Bei then held a banquet to welcome Peng (2) Yang (4).   As they were celebrating, they suddenly received word that Zhuge Liang had sent the official Ma (3) Liang (2) to deliver a message. Liu Bei summoned Ma Liang, who came in and told him, “Everything is ok in Jing Province. There’s no need for your lordship to concern yourself with that.” Ma Liang then handed Liu Bei a letter from Zhuge Liang,

Having passed the point of no return, Liu Bei goes a-conquerin’ in the Riverlands. * Transcript * Map of Key Locations * Graph of Key Characters and Relationships Transcript PDF version Welcome to the Romance of the Three Kingdoms Podcast. This is episode 78. Hey, guess what? We just passed the midway point of the novel, and guess what? We still don’t have three kingdoms in this Romance of the THREE Kingdoms. But stay with me, because we’re about to take a big step toward that this week. So last time, we left Liu Bei in a bit of a dicey situation. His plot with Zhang Song to take over the Riverlands leaked out, and Zhang Song lost his head because of it. Not only that, Liu Zhang was — at long last — on to his dear kinsman’s true intentions and ordered his men to strengthen defenses at all the key points. While this was going on, Liu Bei was putting into action his own plan, which called for pretending that he was leaving the Riverlands. His first stop was going to be Fucheng (2,2), and he sent word on ahead to the two generals defending Fu (2) River Pass that he would like to bid them goodbye before he left. The two officers, Yang (2) Huai (2) and Gao (1) Pei (4), had long been suspicious of Liu Bei, and they decided that this would be the perfect opportunity to assassinate him. So they each stashed a dagger under their clothes and took 200 men with them to go see Liu Bei. Meanwhile, as Liu Bei was approaching the Fu (2) River, his military strategist Pang Tong advised him, “If Yang Huai and Gao Pei come to meet us without hesitation, we must be on guard. If they do not come, then we should lay siege to the pass without delay.” Just then, a strong gust of wind kicked up and blew over the command flag in front of them. “What does this omen portend?” Liu Bei asked. “This is a warning,” Pang Tong answered. “Yang Huai and Gao Pei must be harboring thoughts of assassination. We must be vigilant.” So once again, stupid wind foils a perfectly good plan. Tipped off by Mother Nature, Liu Bei wore a suit of heavy armor and carried his sword. When word came that Yang Huai and Gao Pei had arrived, Liu Bei ordered his army to stop and rest. Pang Tong then secretly told the generals Wei Yan and Huang Zhong, “No matter how many men they are bringing with them, we must not allow a single one to escape.” And the two generals quickly snapped to.   So Yang Huai and Gao Pei, along with their 200 men, walked into Liu Bei’s ranks carrying wine and goats as presents. When they saw that Liu Bei had taken no precautions whatsoever, they were secretly delighted. They went into Liu Bei’s tent, where Liu Bei and Pang Tong sat waiting for them. “Imperial uncle, we heard that you were returning to Jing Province, so we have prepared some meager parting gifts for you,” the two would-be assassins said as they offered wine to Liu Bei. “Generals, you work hard to defend your pass. This first cup should be for you,” Liu Bei said. So the two officers drank the wine. Liu Bei then said, “I have a secret matter to discuss with the two generals. Everyone else, leave us.” So everyone, including the 200 men that Yang Huai and Gao Pei had brought, were escorted away from the tent. As soon as they were gone, Liu Bei shouted, “Men, arrest these two scoundrels!” Before the last word had left his lips, two of his officers, Liu Feng (1) and Guan Ping (2), stepped out from behind the tent and each grabbed on...

Cao Cao gets a promotion, nine very nice pieces of swag, and a hint about Sun Quan’s imperial destiny. * Transcript * Map of Key Locations * Graph of Key Characters and Relationships Transcript PDF version Welcome to the Romance of the Three Kingdoms Podcast. This is episode 77. Last time, Sun Quan had used a little dirty trick to bring his sister, who was married to Liu Bei, back from Jing Province so that he could launch a war to take the province without putting her life at risk and, more critically, drawing their mother’s ire. But just as he was preparing for war, he received two pieces of bad news. First, he got word that Zhang (1) Hong (2), a long-time adviser who had retired due to illness, had died. As he lay dying, Zhang Hong wrote one last letter to Sun Quan, in which he advised Sun Quan to relocate his seat of power to Moling (4,2), where, Zhang Hong said, the mountains had an imperial air. Zhang Hong told Sun Quan that he should move there at once and make this auspicious place the base of his empire. Upon reading this letter, Sun Quan wept loudly in front of his officials and said, “How can I dare to not follow Zhang Hong’s advice?” And so he ordered a city of stone to be built at Moling (4,2). In the meantime, he had to deal with a second piece of bad news. It was no biggie. Just a report that Cao Cao was marching south with, oh, 400,000 troops to avenge the defeat at Red Cliff. As Sun Quan discussed this matter with his staff, the general Lü (3) Meng (2) told him they needed to build ramparts at the mouth of the Ruxu (2,1) River to hold off Cao Cao’s troops. But all the other generals were like, “Why would you need ramparts? We can just attack from shore or retreat into our boats.” To that, Lü Meng answered, “The fortunes of war are never constant; victory is never assured. If we have a sudden run-in with the enemy, with infantry and cavalry jostling together, we might not make it back to the water and our boats.” Sun Quan was quite impressed by Lü Meng’s foresight and ordered several tens of thousands of men to build the ramparts.   Meanwhile in the capital Xuchang (3,1), Cao Cao’s power and fortune were growing by the day, and his men were suggesting that maybe he was due for a promotion. But when you are already prime minister, what do you get promoted to? Well, one of his civil officials, Dong (3) Zhao (1), went to court and said to the emperor: “No official in history has matched the prime minister’s merits, not even the Duke of Zhou or the great statesman Jiang (1) Ziya (3,2). Over the course of 30 years, he has overcome all difficulties and wiped out the wicked to protect the people and restore the house of Han. How can he be treated the same as the likes of the other officials? He should receive the title of the Duke of Wei (4) and receive the nine dignities.” So what are the nine dignities? They are nine items that were considered the highest honors an emperor could bestow upon an official. The nine things are: * Gilded chariots drawn by eight horses. * Court dresses, which consisted of dragon-embroidered robes, headdresses, and shoes. And if you didn’t know, the dragon is kind of a symbol for the emperor, so to be allowed to wear robes with dragons embroidered on them carries some rather significant implications. * Hanging chimes and music fit for an emperor. * Red doors in your house, which were a symbol of fortune.

This week, overflowing brotherly affection is expressed through deception in the East and sword dances in the West. * Transcript * Map of Key Locations * Graph of Key Characters and Relationships Transcript PDF version Welcome to the Romance of the Three Kingdoms Podcast. This is episode 76. Last time, the ruler of the Riverlands, Liu Zhang, was persuaded to invite Liu Bei and company into his territory to help him fend off external threats from Cao Cao and Zhang Lu (3). Of course, anyone with any sense in the Riverlands could see that this was a bad idea because Liu Bei was not likely to subjugate himself to a weakling like Liu Zhang, especially when there’s a fat piece of land at stake. Still, Liu Zhang persisted, and a couple of his officials resorted to extreme measures to try to change his mind. One of them, Huang (2) Quan (2), used his teeth to grip Liu Zhang’s robes like a dog trying to pull its master back from danger, but Liu Zhang just gave his shirt a tug and freed himself, taking out a couple of Huang Quan’s front teeth in the process. Then, as Liu Zhang was about to set out to go welcome Liu Bei, one of his aides, Wang (2) Lei (4), had himself suspended in the air high above the city gate and threatened to cut the rope and plunge to his death if Liu Zhang did not heed his advice and turn back. But Liu Zhang’s mind was made up, and he was not about to be deterred by such theatrics. So he called Wang Lei’s bluff, rejected his advice, and scolded him. Alas, Wang Lei was not bluffing. When he saw that Liu Zhang remained obstinate, he waved the sword in his hand and cut the rope from which he dangled. In the blink of an eye, Wang Lei laid dead on the ground below. But Liu Zhang was undaunted and pressed on. He led 30,000 troops and headed to the city of Fucheng (2,2) with more than 1,000 carts of provisions and gifts to welcome Liu Bei.   Speaking of Liu Bei, he and his army were advancing toward their rendezvous with Liu Zhang. The cities along the way provided him with provisions just as Liu Zhang had instructed, and Liu Bei’s soldiers remained on their best behavior, as one is wont to do when you’re told that you would lose your head if you dared to take a single thing from the civilians. So Liu Bei’s journey into the Riverlands was smooth, and everywhere he went, civilians young and old lined the streets to get a glimpse of him and to welcome him by kneeling and burning incense. Liu Bei, in turn, did the usual rounds of handshaking and baby-kissing to get in good with the locals. And yet, Liu Zhang’s spidey sense was still not tingling.   While Liu Bei was busy making nice with the civilians, his military strategist Pang Tong was busy plotting with Fa (3) Zheng (4), the envoy that Liu Zhang had sent to invite Liu Bei and one of the collaborators of the inside plot to betray the Riverlands into Liu Bei’s hands. They had gotten word from their fellow collaborator Zhang Song (1) that Liu Zhang was going to meet Liu Bei at the city of Fucheng (2,2), and they decided to use that opportunity to make their move, but they also agreed that this plan should be kept hidden from Liu Bei for now. When they arrived at Fucheng, which was about 120 miles away from Chengdu (2,1), the capital of Yi Province, Liu Zhang was already there and waiting. He immediately sent a welcome party. The two sides’ armies set up camp on the River Fu (2), and Liu Bei entered the city to say hi to Liu Zhang.

Zhang Song and his friend decide that honor and ethics demand that they betray their master and give his land to Liu Bei. * Transcript * Map of Key Locations * Graph of Key Characters and Relationships Transcript PDF version Welcome to the Romance of the Three Kingdoms Podcast. This is episode 75. Before we pick up from where we left off, I’d like to remind you to give the show a rating or review in iTunes or whatever podcasting app you are using. Of course, if you’ve been following the show for 75 episodes, I’m guessing you’ve already done that. But just in case you haven’t, please consider taking a minute to do so, as it helps others discover the podcast. Alright, so last time, Zhang (1) Song (1), an official serving under Liu Zhang (1), the ruler of Yi (4) Province in the Riverlands, had volunteered to go to the capital to dissuade Cao Cao from having any designs on the region. But in reality, Zhang Song was planning to offer the Riverlands to Cao Cao because he thought Liu Zhang was weak and undeserving of such a prized piece of real estate. Zhang Song even brought along a map of the region containing all the key information one would need to plan an invasion. However, Zhang Song got a rude reception from Cao Cao, thanks in no small part to Zhang Song’s own rude and arrogant display. Cao Cao threatened to kill him before letting him off with a beating. Thus snubbed, Zhang Song was slinking back to the Riverlands when he got it into his head that, “Hey, if I can’t betray my lord to Cao Cao, maybe I can betray him to Liu Bei.” Funny enough, Liu Bei had the same thought at the same time, and he rolled out the red carpet for Zhang Song, welcoming him with great ceremony and humility, just to show his admiration for the man, of course. But while they feasted for three days in Jing Province, not once did Liu Bei so much as mention the Riverlands. On the fourth day, it was time for Zhang Song to go, and Liu Bei saw him out. No, not out of the house or out of the neighborhood or out of the city. Liu Bei escorted Zhang Song several miles outside the city and held a feast there to see him off. Offering a toast to his guest, Liu Bei said, “I’m deeply grateful that you spent three days with us. But after our parting today, who knows when I would once again receive the benefit of your wisdom?” As he spoke those words, Liu Bei began to tear up. Seeing this, Zhang Song thought to himself, “Liu Bei is so magnanimous and humane, and such a lover of talented men. How can I pass him over? I should convince him to take the Riverlands.” So Zhang Song said to Liu Bei, “I have long wished to be of service to you, but regrettably have not had the chance. In my view, Jing Province is no place to stay long term, what with Sun Quan in the east like a tiger poised to strike, and Cao Cao in the north with the appetite of a whale.” “I am aware of that,” Liu Bei said, “but I haven’t found a secure place to call home.” Hint hint. “Yi (4) Province is protected by formidable geographic barriers,” Zhang Song said. “It possesses hundreds of miles of fertile soil. The people are thriving and the state is prosperous. The learned men of the region have long admired your virtue. If you mobilize the army of Jing Province and march westward, you will establish your hegemony, and the house of Han will be revitalized.” “I dare not do such a thing,” Liu Bei said. “Liu Zhang is a fellow member of the imperial house and has long bes...

Cao Cao’s latest victory triggers a chain reaction in the western reaches of empire. * Transcript * Map of Key Locations * Graph of Key Characters and Relationships Transcript PDF version Welcome to the Romance of the Three Kingdoms Podcast. This is episode 74. Last time, we left off with Cao Cao riding high after defeating Ma Chao and pacifying Liang (2) Province, which lay in the northwestern part of the empire. As a result of his triumph, Cao Cao’s prestige skyrocketed. Word of his victory soon trickled into the region of Hanzhong (4,1) and was greatly distressing to the guy running that region, the governor of Hanning (4,2), a man named Zhang (1) Lu (3). We haven’t talked about the region of Hanzhong previously in the novel, so let’s talk about it now. This area lay to the south of Liang Province and to the north of Yi (4) Province. The guy who runs things in this region, Zhang Lu (3), inherited his power from his father and grandfather. His grandfather was kind of a swindler. He forged books of Daoist teachings in the Swan Call Hills in the Riverlands. No one ever got wise to his scheme, and in fact, he gained quite a reputation. After he died, his son followed in his footsteps. People who wanted to study Daoism under him had to donate five pecks of rice. And peck is equal to about 9 quarts. This price of admission earned him the moniker the Rice Rebel. After he died, his son, Zhang Lu (3), took over and gave himself the grandiose title of Lord-Preceptor, and his followers were known as the Ghost Squad, which sounds like a Ghostbusters ripoff. Captains in this Ghost Squad were known as libationers, and those commanding large numbers of followers were dubbed head libationers. Ironically, for a sect that started out as a scam, its main concern was sincerity. Neither lying nor deception was condoned. They also had a rather peculiar way of treating illnesses. Anyone who was sick would be placed in a secluded room, where they were to reflect upon their mistakes and make a confession. After that, everyone would pray for the patient, under the direction of a libationer. The sick man’s full name was written out, his penance explained, and then three copies of his petition to the three realms were made. One copy, a petition to heaven, would be placed on a hilltop. Another copy, made to the earth, would be buried in the ground. The third copy, a petition to the masters of the netherworld, would be placed in the water. After that, if and when the illness passes, the patient would have to donate five pecks of rice as a sign of gratitude. In addition to their faith-based healthcare system, this sect also had public bins filled with rice, firewood, and meat. Any and all passers-by were welcome to take as much as they pleased, though if they took more than their fair share, they would be punished by heaven. As for the sect’s legal system, within the boundaries of their sphere of influence, they had a four-strikes policy. Transgressors were forgiven three times, but if they continued on their errant ways after that, they would be punished. There were no court officials, and everything was handled by the libationers. And so in this way, Zhang Lu and his forefathers had reigned in the region of Hanzhong for 30 years. Because this was a remote area, the court deemed it not worth the trouble of an expedition to squash this bug. Instead, it simply appointed Zhang Lu as an imperial corps commander and a governor,

With a few strokes of his brush, Cao Cao sows dissent in Ma Chao’s inner circle. * Transcript * Map of Key Locations * Graph of Key Characters and Relationships Transcript PDF version Welcome to the Romance of the Three Kingdoms Podcast. This is episode 73. Before we pick up where we left off, I should note that the show just celebrated its second anniversary a couple days ago. The introduction episode was published on April 9, 2014, and the first actual episode went up exactly two years ago today. Thank you to everyone who has listened to the podcast, rated it in iTunes, recommended it to a friend, and made a donation to support it. You guys have made this a great ride, and I’m looking forward to the next two years.   So last time, after numerous unsuccessful attempts, Cao Cao finally managed to build a fortified camp on the Wei (4) River against Ma Chao, thanks to some freezing weather that allowed him to build a dirt-and-ice wall. This done, he went out to taunt his enemy about it. Ma Chao did not take kindly to this and was just about to charge at Cao Cao when he noticed an imposing figure behind Cao Cao. Ma Chao suspected that this might be Xu Chu, the so-called Mad Tiger he had heard about. So he pointed with his whip and asked, “I have heard that your army has a Tiger Lord. Where is he?” “I AM Xu Chu!” the man behind Cao Cao shouted. Supernatural light seemed to shoot from his eyes, and his air was so imposing that Ma Chao dared not make a move against Cao Cao. Instead, he simply turned his horse around and returned to camp. Cao Cao and Xu Chu also returned to their camp, and men on both sides were in awe of Xu Chu’s presence. “Even the rebels know General Xu as the Tiger Lord,” Cao Cao said to his officers. So from that point on, everyone in Cao Cao’s army also referred to Xu Chu as such. Impressive nicknames were nice, but there was still a battle to be fought, and Xu Chu said to Cao Cao, “I will capture Ma Chao tomorrow.” “Ma Chao is very valiant; you must not underestimate him,” Cao Cao cautioned. “I vow to fight him to the death!” Xu Chu replied.   So Cao Cao sent a message to Ma Chao, informing him that the Tiger Lord is challenging him to single combat the next day. Ma Chao, never one to shy away from a fight, was incensed when he read the letter. “How dare you disrespect me so?! I swear I will slay the Mad Tiger tomorrow!” So the duel was on. The next day, both sides lined up in battle formation. Ma Chao told his general Pang De to anchor his left wing, while his cousin Ma Dai anchored the right and Han Sui, his father’s sworn brother, watched over the center. Ma Chao, hoisting his spear atop his horse, stood in front of the lines and shouted, “Mad Tiger, get out here now!” Seeing this, Cao Cao turned and said to his men, “Ma Chao’s valor is on par with Lü Bu’s!” But Xu Chu was not impressed. Before Cao Cao had finished speaking, Xu Chu was already galloping out to answer the challenge, and he and Ma Chao threw themselves at each other. They hacked and thrusted at each other for 100-some bouts without a winner. Both of their horses were exhausted after this long duel, so they both returned to their lines, switched horses, and came back out, whereupon they hacked and thrusted at each other for another 100-some bouts without a winner. At this point, Xu Chu’s blood was up. He called for a quick timeout, galloped back to his lines,

Cao Cao’s opening rounds against Ma Chao get a little hairy. * Transcript * Map of Key Locations * Graph of Key Characters and Relationships Transcript PDF version Welcome to the Romance of the Three Kingdoms Podcast. This is episode 72. Last time, Cao Cao had killed Ma Teng, a longtime adversary. In response, Ma Teng’s eldest son, Ma Chao, had mobilized the troops of the western outpost of Xiliang and was marching toward the heartland to do the “you killed my father, prepare to die” thing. With a little trickery, he took the former capital city of Chang’an and was now encroaching on the key strategic location of Tong (2) Pass. Cao Cao sent two of his top officers, Cao Hong and Xu Huang, to defend the pass. He told them they just had to hold it for 10 days while he mobilized the main army. But on the ninth day, after listening to the enemy call his ancestors all sorts of nasty names for eight days, Cao Hong’s temper got the better of him, and while Xu Huang’s back was turned, he charged out with 3,000 men to take on the enemy. When the Xiliang troops saw Cao Hong charging toward them, they abandoned their horses and weapons and fled, which induced Cao Hong to give chase. While this was happening, Xu Huang, who was inspecting provisions when Cao Hong decided to go out to fight, had heard what was happening. Alarmed, Xu Huang immediately led a detachment of troops and came looking for Cao Hong, shouting for him to turn back. But alas, it was too late. Just then, cries of battle rose up behind them and shook the ground. Ma Chao’s cousin Ma Dai (4) charged onto the scene with an army. Cao Hong and Xu Huang, recognizing that they had fallen for a ruse, turned and ran. But a signal sounded, and from behind a hill came two detachments of enemy soldiers, led by Ma Chao on the left and his commandant Pang De on the right. The two sides scrummed, and Cao Hong ended up losing more than half of his men. Seeing the tide of battle turn against them, Cao Hong and Xu Huang fought their way out and fled back to the pass. But the Xiliang troops were hot on their tail, so hot, in fact, that Cao Hong and company could not hold their ground and had to abandon the pass. Pang De kept chasing them until he ran into reinforcements led by Cao Cao’s kinsman Cao Ren. While Cao Ren rescued Cao Hong and Xu Huang, Pang De returned to the pass to celebrate with Ma Chao.   When Cao Cao saw Cao Hong, he was furious. “I told you that you must hold the pass for 10 days. Why did you lose it after nine days?!” “The Xiliang troops were insulting us,” Cao Hong answered. “I saw that their ranks were disorganized, so I attacked, but who knew it was a trick.” Cao Cao now turned to Xu Huang and admonished him. “Cao Hong is young and impatient, but you should know better!” “I tried time and again to advise him against fighting,” Xu Huang said. “But he won’t listen. I was inspecting provisions when he went out. By the time I found out, he was already out there. I was worried something would happen to him, so I rushed out, but by then, he had already fallen for the trap.” When he heard this, Cao Cao was so angry that he wanted to execute Cao Hong. Fortunately for Cao Hong, all the other officers begged for leniency, and Cao Cao backed off. Cao Hong got an earful before being dismissed.   Cao Cao then marched his troops to outside Tong (2) Pass. There, he ordered his men to cut down trees and make camp.

Another week, another conspiracy against Cao Cao, and another evil-woman trope. * Transcript * Map of Key Locations * Graph of Key Characters Transcript PDF version Welcome to the Romance of the Three Kingdoms Podcast. This is episode 71. Last time, we left off with Cao Cao entertaining thoughts of launching another campaign against the South to put down Sun Quan and Liu Bei before they became too much trouble. But first, he wanted to eliminate a longtime thorn in his side — Ma Teng, a general who was stationed in Xiliang, which was in the northwestern borderlands of the empire. Ma Teng, along with Liu Bei, had been part of a failed conspiracy to assassinate Cao Cao years ago, and the fact that he had a sizable army in the west had always kept Cao Cao up at night. So Cao Cao decided to use a little trickery: He was going to send an imperial decree giving Ma Teng a promotion and putting him in charge of leading a campaign against the South. This would give Cao Cao a chance to lure Ma Teng to the capital and get rid of him. So let’s pause for a moment and give you a little background on Ma Teng. He was the descendant of one of the most famous generals of the Han Dynasty. His father had been a justice of the peace in a county in the west during the reign of Emperor Huan (2), which was now more than four decades ago. His father later lost his office and was stranded in the west, where he took up with the Jiang (1) people, a powerful borderland tribe, and Ma Teng was the product of a marriage between his father and a woman of the Jiang tribe. Ma Teng grew up to be tall, strong, even-tempered, and well-respected. During the final years of the reign of Emperor Ling (2) — so about 20 years ago — there were frequent attempts by the Jiang people to throw off the yoke of the Han, and Ma Teng raised a local militia to put down these uprisings. For this service, he was named the General who Conquers the West. He was close with Han (2) Sui (4), another general who was stationed in the west, and the two men became sworn brothers. This is important to know because Han Sui will soon become a key player in the next little part of our narrative.   So that’s the background on Ma Teng. Now, back to where we left off, which was around the year 210 or 211. Cao Cao’s imperial decree arrived in Xiliang, and upon receiving it, Ma Teng discussed the matter with his eldest son, Ma Chao (1), whom we first met back in episode 13 as a teenager who was already a fearsome warrior. “I once answered the emperor’s jade girdle decree and joined Dong (3) Cheng (2) and Liu Bei in an attempt to kill Cao Cao,” Ma Teng told his son. “Unfortunately, Dong Cheng (2) was executed, and Liu Bei suffered one defeat after another. Being out here in Xiliang, I haven’t been able to help Liu Bei. But now I hear that he has taken Jing (1) Province. I was just about to take up our old cause again, but now Cao Cao is summoning me. What should I do?” “Father, Cao Cao is summoning you in the name of the emperor, so if you don’t go, he would accuse us of disobeying his majesty,” Ma Chao said. “You should take this opportunity to go to the capital and fulfill your mission.” However, Ma Teng’s nephew, Ma Dai (4), advised caution. “Cao Cao is unpredictable. Uncle, if you go, you might be in danger.” “Father, I am willing to mobilize all the forces of Xiliang and accompany you,” Ma Chao said. “We will storm into Xuchang and rid the land of an evil.

A look at the most legendary battle of the novel and how the fictional account differs from the real showdown. * Transcript A painting of Red Cliff (photo by Yun Jie Dai via Flickr) Transcript PDF version Welcome to the Romance of the Three Kingdoms Podcast. This is a supplemental episode. In this episode, we are going to take a look at the real Battle of Red Cliff versus the fictional version. Considering that we spent all or part of 11 episodes of the podcast on this battle and the events immediately leading up to it, it goes without saying that this was a seminal event in the novel, and that mirrors its significance in real history, even if the players involved may not have realized it at the time. This turned out to be essentially the battle that set us on the path to having three kingdoms instead of one kingdom run by Cao Cao. However, as you may have guessed, a lot of the events described in the novel are exaggerations or just pure fiction. So let’s start with what was real. To do that, I’m going to read you what was written about this battle in the Records of the Three Kingdoms, which is generally considered the most reliable source of information on the Three Kingdoms period. This is actually a collection of three books, each one being the official history of one of the three kingdoms. I’ll start off with the Book of Wei (4), which is the kingdom that Cao Cao’s descendants will found. Here’s roughly what it says about the Battle of Red Cliff: “Cao Cao arrived at Red Cliff and fought against Liu Bei. The outcome was unfavorable. Also, there was pestilence and many soldiers died, so he led his army back. Liu Bei then gradually gained the counties of Jing Province and the Southlands.” So yeah, not a very substantial record of what is supposed to be such an important event. Perhaps we should not be surprised by this, since one can hardly fault Cao Cao’s descendants for not wanting to spill too much ink on this less-than-glorious chapter in their ancestor’s career. But surely, Cao Cao’s enemies would have much more to say about their triumph, right? Well, let’s see what the book of Shu (3), the official history of the kingdom that Liu Bei would create, has to say: “Liu Bei sent Zhuge Liang to go form an alliance with Sun Quan. Sun Quan sent Zhou Yu, Cheng Pu, and a navy of several tens of thousands to join forces with Liu Bei. They fought against Cao Cao at Red Cliff and routed him, burning his ships. Liu Bei and the Dongwu troops advanced on land and water and pursued to Nanjun. At this time, there was pestilence, causing many deaths in the Northern army, so Cao Cao retreated with his forces.” Ok, so that’s a little more, but still not that much. Let’s see what’s in the book of Wu (2), Sun Quan’s kingdom. “Liu Bei moved to Xiakou and sent Zhuge Liang to meet with Sun Quan. Sun Quan sent Zhou Yu and Cheng Pu. At the time, Cao Cao had just added Liu Biao’s forces and looked very strong. Many advisers were intimidated and advised Sun Quan to welcome him. Only Zhou Yu and Lu Su advocated resistance, which Sun Quan agreed with. Zhou Yu and Cheng Pu served as left and right commanders, each leading 10,000 men, and advanced with Liu Bei.

Zhuge Liang delivers a heartfelt eulogy for a dearly departed friend, while Pang Tong shows how to advance your career by not doing your job. * Transcript * Map of Key Locations * Graph of Key Characters and Relationships Transcript PDF version Welcome to the Romance of the Three Kingdoms Podcast. This is episode 70. Last time, Zhou Yu, in another bid to take back Jing Province, had told Liu Bei and Zhuge Liang that he would lead the forces of Dongwu to go take the Riverlands to the west and trade that for Jing Province. All he asked from them was to come welcome his troops and give them some provisions when they passed through Jing Province on the way. His real intent, though, was to use that opportunity to kill Liu Bei and take Jing Province. But when Zhou Yu and his men arrived at the foot of Jing Province, they discovered that Zhuge Liang was not fooled for a second. The gates of the city were shut, and four detachments of Liu Bei’s troops were closing in, shouting that they were out to capture Zhou Yu alive. This turn of events reaggravated Zhou Yu’s old arrow wound, and he let out a loud cry and fell off his horse. His men quickly scooped him up and hustled back to their ships and hightailed it out of there. Just then, to add insult to injury, word came through the ranks that Liu Bei and Zhuge Liang were sitting atop a hill up ahead, having a drink, and enjoying themselves immensely. This made Zhou Yu gnash his teeth. “You think I can’t take the Riverlands?! I swear I will do just that!” Just as he was seething, his men told him that Sun Quan’s younger brother Sun Yü (2) had arrived. Zhou Yu welcomed him in and told him what had transpired. Sun Yü (2) told him that he was there on Sun Quan’s orders to lend a hand. So they ordered their troops to press on ahead. But they had not gone far when word came that two of Liu Bei’s officers — Liu Feng (1) and Guan Ping (2) — had blockaded the river up ahead. This provided even more aggravation for Zhou Yu. Just then, a messenger arrived bearing a letter from Zhuge Liang, which read:   “From Zhuge Liang, the director general of the Han and imperial corps commander, to Master Zhou Yu, chief commander of Dongwu: Since our parting at Chaisang (2,1), I have missed you immensely. I heard that you intend to conquer the Riverlands, but in my poor opinion, you must not attempt this. The people of Yi (4) Province are sturdy, and its terrain treacherous. Even though Liu Zhang (1) is feeble, he has enough to defend himself. Now your army has embarked on a long campaign, and it will face many uncertainties before securing total victory. Even the greatest military strategists of old would not be able to guarantee the outcome. After his defeat at Red Cliff, how can Cao Cao have ever given up thoughts of revenge? With you going off on a distant campaign, if Cao Cao takes this opportunity to attack, the Southlands would be reduced to dust! I cannot bear to sit by and watch, so I have written you this note, which I hope you will favor with your attention.”   When Zhou Yu finished reading the letter, he let out a long sigh and told his men to fetch brush and ink so he could write a letter to Sun Quan. The letter written, he assembled his officers and told them, “It’s not that I don’t want to do everything I can to repay our state, but my time on earth ends here. You all must serve our lord well and accomplish our grand enterprise.”

Zhou Yu devises yet again scheme to take Jing Province, because he’s a glutton for punishment. * Transcript * Map of Key Locations * Graph of Key Characters and Relationships Transcript PDF version Welcome to the Romance of the Three Kingdoms Podcast. This is episode 69. Last time, we left off with Cao Cao celebrating the completion of construction on his pleasure palace, the Bronze Bird Tower, by throwing a huge party. At this party, he held an archery competition among his officers, with the winner taking home a fancy battle cloak. A bunch of his generals showed off their skills, but one, Xu Huang, appeared to have won the cloak by shooting the branch from which the cloak hanged. Cao Cao was just about ready to declare Xu Huang the winner, and Xu Huang assumed as much because he had already grabbed the cloak. But just then, another general, Xu (2) Chu (3), rode forward and yelled, “Where are you going with that cloak?! Leave it for me, now!” “The cloak is mine; why are you trying to take it by force?!” Xu Huang asked. Xu Chu didn’t even bother to answer. He just galloped toward Xu Huang and tried to wrestle the cloak away, forgetting the whole concept of an archery competition, where you actually have to, you know, shoot an arrow and hit something before you can claim the prize. When the two got close enough, Xu Huang raised his bow and tried to hit Xu Chu, but Xu Chu grabbed the bow with one hand and pulled Xu Huang from his saddle. Xu Huang quickly let go of the bow and leaped off his horse. Xu Chu did likewise, and the two of them started to engage in some good ol’ fashioned fisticuffs. Cao Cao quickly told his men to separate the two, but by then, the cloak had already been torn to smithereens. So, way to go, guys. Cao Cao summoned both generals to the upper tier of the tower where he sat. Both of them were looking royally pissed off at each other and were itching to go at it again. Cao Cao, however, smiled and said, “My aim in holding the contest was to witness your prowess. What is a mere cloak worth?” So he summoned all of his officers up to the tower and bestowed upon each of them a bolt of fine silk from the Riverlands, a region known for its silk. The music and merrymaking then kicked off as military and civil officials took turns offering toasts.   Cao Cao now said to the civil officials, “The military officers have showed off their skills through their riding and archery. You gentlemen are all learned scholars. Since you are all gathered here, why don’t you each write a piece to commemorate this occasion?” So all the civil officials fetched ink and brush and each composed an essay on the spot. This kind of impromptu essay-writing was the kind of thing that Chinese scholarship and imperial entrance exams were made of, so these guys were in their element. Soon, Cao Cao was presented with one essay after another, most of which praised his accomplishments and virtue to the hilt and hinted that he should maybe, you know, accept the mandate of heaven and take the throne for himself. After reading all the essays, Cao Cao smiled and said, “Sirs, you heap too much praise upon me. I am but a simple and crude man. When I began my career, I was cited for my filial devotion and integrity. Then, when chaos engulfed the realm, I built a retreat about 15 miles east of the fief at Qiao (2), with the intention of spending my springs and summers reading and my falls and winters hunting,

Liu Bei and his new wife try to flee from the murderously angry clutches of Sun Quan and Zhou Yu. * Transcript * Map of Key Locations * Graph of Key Characters and Relationships Transcript PDF version Welcome to the Romance of the Three Kingdoms Podcast. This is episode 68. Last time, Liu Bei and his new wife, Lady Sun, decided to try to flee back to Jing Province. So on New Year’s Day, they slipped out of the city of Nanxu (2,2) while Sun Quan was busy partying with his officials. It turned out that the party was a good time to run away, because Sun Quan got really hammered and passed out drunk in his private quarters. After the party broke up, some of the officials got word that Liu Bei and Sun Quan’s sister had fled. By now, it was starting to get dark. These officials wanted to tell Sun Quan right away, but he was passed out and no one could wake him, and you weren’t gonna grab the lord of the Southlands by the shoulders and shake him from his drunken stupor. So they let him sleep, and it wasn’t until 7 o’clock the next morning that he woke up. When Sun Quan finally heard that Liu Bei and Lady Sun had left, he quickly assembled his staff. “If he gets away, it will cause trouble sooner or later,” his adviser Zhang Zhao said. “We must chase him down.”   So Sun Quan ordered two officers, Chen (2) Wu (3) and Pan (1) Zhang (1), to lead 500 crack troops and go bring back Liu Bei. After the two officers set out, though, Sun Quan was still seething over Liu Bei’s departure, so much so that he grabbed the jade inkstone on his desk and hurled it to the ground, smashing it into a million pieces. “My lord,” the veteran general Cheng Pu said, “even though your rage may shake the heavens, I don’t think Cheng Wu and Pan Zhang will be able to catch Liu Bei.” “They would not dare to disobey me!” Sun Quan said. “Your lordship’s sister has had a fascination with martial arts all her life,” Cheng Pu explained. “She is severe, resolute, firm, and forthright, so much so that all the officers are wary of her. If she has left with Liu Bei, then she must have gone willingly. When the two officers catch up to them and are confronted by her, how can they move against her?” When Sun Quan heard this, he became even angrier. He gave his sword to two other officers, Jiang (3) Qin (1) and Zhou (1) Tai (4), and told them, “Use this sword to bring back the heads of my sister and Liu Bei. If anyone disobeys, execute them at once!” So Jiang (3) Qin (1) and Zhou Tai (4) led 1,000 soldiers and went on their way. As for Liu Bei and company, they were moving at double time, stopping only twice to rest over the course of the night. As they were approaching the borders of the city of Chaisang (2,1), they saw a huge dust cloud behind them in the distance, accompanied by word from the soldiers in the back that they were being chased. “What should we do?” Liu Bei asked his general Zhao Yun. “My lord, you go on ahead. I will fend them off,” Zhao Yun told him. So Liu Bei hurried on ahead, but as soon as he went around a hill, he saw a squad of soldiers blocking the path up ahead. The two generals at the head of this roadblock shouted sternly, “Liu Bei, dismount and surrender now! We have been waiting for you on Commander Zhou’s orders!” So as it turns out, Zhou Yu, who, if you’d remember, was recuperating from his injuries in Chaisang at the time, figured that Liu Bei might try to make a run for it.