Parenting On Purpose

Looking Outside our Walls  

Being Other’s Focused This is such an important topic we have written another series on teaching your child to serve. Click here to view the week long series on this. And as always listen to today’s podcast for more on finding the balance of family and individuality.  

What We Can Do There are many things that we can do as a family to help our children look outward to the needs of others. Today’s child will fight a battle of not even knowing how to interact appropriately with others, if we allow devices and social media free reign in their lives. One of the first things that we can do to help them see what’s truly going on around them at hands reach, is helping them place boundaries on devices. Having set aside unplugged family time is a great way to do this. Taking turns discussing what is going on in each other’s lives at this dinner table is a simple way to start. A child listening to how a parent’s or sibling’s day went is a very simple and easy way to look past their own self. The next step is taking time to train your child to “see a need, fill a need”, a great quote from the kids movie Robots. This can start in your own home but it will take some time and encouragement. Little things like taking their own plate to the sink after meals and not leaving it for someone else to clear is such a simple way to start. Next you can take it a step further by creating a random acts of kindness game. Go crazy if you catch your child doing something nice for another family member, like not only clearing […]

Why Is This Important? We touched on this yesterday, why it is imperative to teach our children to function in a unit. If our goals for parenting are to raise a child to become a Godly adult who is both marriageable and employable, then teaching a child how to “lay down self” is an extremely important lesson. We have all been around people who are just 30 year old adolescents. They give in to their every whim or desire regardless of the needs of those around them. This is not a desirable characteristic for an employee or a spouse. We mentioned yesterday how Philippians tells us to value others before yourself. Romans explains why we do this. “Therefore, I urge you, brothers, in view of God’s mercy, to offer our bodies as living sacrifices, holy and pleasing to God—this is your spiritual act of worship.” We lay down our will and desires not only because it is in our best interest to function in a unit, but because it is an act of worship to God. Listen to today’s podcast for more insight on this topic.

Getting Past the “Selfie” Today’s cultural focus is the individual. If we are not careful we can allow this to impact our parenting. We are told to value “me time” or that we “deserve” certain things, even if it is to the detriment of others. This seems to be blatantly obvious anytime we are out on the road, it’s hard to find a lot of selfless drivers. Now while it is important to celebrate each special quality that makes our children unique, the gifts and talents that God gave them, we have to find balance and help them learn to thrive in a unit. In today’s “selfie” culture we are raising a generation that if we are not conscious, will not be marriageable and employable. I think we could all agree that we want our children to be selfless not selfish. In fact this is imperative if we are Christ followers. Christ taught us in order to lead we must serve. Philippians 2:3 tells us, “Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit. Rather, in humility value others above yourselves, not looking to your own interest but each of you to the interest of the others.”  

Don’t Teach Them To Love and Respect God How are we living out our faith in front of our children? Are we a family who lives out what it means to have a relationship with Jesus or are we merely a family who follows a list of religious do’s and don’ts?  Is this relationship something that permeates all aspects of our family life or is it simply something we do on Sunday? The very core and center of what we do, should be focused on opportunities to teach our child about Christ. For more on this click here to see our week long series on how to raise a disciple. Always check out the podcast for more insight.  

Let The Culture Around You Dictate Your Parenting Plan There are several areas we can allow the culture to impact how we parent.  The first is keeping a crazy schedule.  It seems like there is a belief that if I keep my children busy they won’t get into trouble.  The problem with that is then training your child gets placed on the back burner.  Another area of cultural influence can be the concept of all work and no play.  With all the busyness and homework in our children’s lives we must make sure to carve out time for family fun.  Our culture also seems to have our children growing up too fast.  We need to remember that our children are still children.  We need to have realistic expectations of what they are capable of but have a plan for when unacceptable childish behavior happens.  Parents have to be sure to work as a team to create the plan for training their children.  We must set aside a time to talk as a team weekly, to make sure that we are on and stay on the same page.  This is just the “tip of the iceberg” of areas we can let culture impact our parenting.  Even if it is counter cultural we must make parenting our children one of our top priorities behind our relationship with God and our spouse.  Take time out to evaluate how you may be allowing culture to influence your […]

Get Your Own Issues In the Way of Your Parenting Because this is so easy to do, we probably need to constantly monitor to make sure that we aren’t allowing our issues to impact our parenting.  This battle may be greater then ever before.  One of the issues that can impact how we parent, is the temptation to compare our children to others. To feel superior or defeated by how our child “stacks up” to children around them. That is far too much pressure to put on our child. It is also attempting to meet our self worth needs through the performance of our child. Another area where we can be tempted to find our self worth, is how we are performing. While pinterest has been an amazing place to find ideas to help all areas of home life, it can also add a lot of pressure. Pressure to make sure we are organizing like this, cooking like that, creatively crafting with our children and making every holiday an extreme blow out. While all of these things can be good, we cannot allow ourselves to get wrapped up in this and miss the important parts of parenting, such as being there for our kids, listening to their hearts and simply spending time with them. These are just a few small examples of how we can let our own issues get in the way of parenting and make it harder.    

Don’t Prepare Them To Become Adults The whole goal of parenting should be to raise Godly children who will become responsible adults. This will make them marriageable and employable.  To do this we should be giving them more and more responsibilities as they age. They can earn more privileges and freedoms as they prove themselves responsible.  Sometimes this means allowing natural consequences to occur.  It is tempting for us to fall into the trap of rescuing our children.  If we keep rescuing our child for something like forgetting their homework, we are actually enabling their irresponsibility.  We also need to hold them accountable, make sure they are doing what they say and following instructions.  Another area we need to be working on with our children is teaching them how to share, give and sacrifice for others.  This is an extremely important lesson to have learned before going into marriage.  Siblings help a parent to train in these lessons.  Make sure you are encouraging and applauding when you see one child sacrificing, no matter how small, for their sibling.  Keep the end goal of parenting at the forefront of your mind and remember that we are raising our children for adulthood.    

Don’t Teach Them To Respect Authority Many have said that parenting isn’t for the feint of heart.  Parenting is hard work! Unfortunately, there are things that we can do to make it much more difficult then it has to be.  The first thing that will make life a lot more difficult is to not instill respect for authority in our children.  This can make things much more difficult at home and sets our child up for failure, not only at school but as an adult.  This is such an important issue we spent a week discussing how and why to teach respect to your children.  Click here to see that series.  

Get The Big Picture We may ask why are we doing this in the first place? Is having a bedtime really that important?  We have given several reasons through the course of this week answering those questions. Everything from making sure your “no means no” to preparing your teen for college life.  There is one more area that children’s bedtime affects and that is the parent’s marriage.  There needs to be time for relationship for mom and dad.  That is why it is important, even in the teen years when they may not have a bedtime, for the parents to have some time together before they go to sleep.  This time can be debriefing the day, a time to reconnect, or simply just some adult time.  Making sure to have this time is one of the ways to communicate to your children, as well as your spouse, that the marriage relationship is a priority.  Make sure to carve out this time as husband and wife, especially if you are in a season of battling bedtime.    

Help Them Manage Their Fears We mentioned earlier this week that one of the reasons for the bedtime battle especially for young children is fear.  It is our job as parents to acknowledge, help them cope and eventually overcome these fears.  But what does that look like?  It first starts with acknowledging that it is happening.  We need to comfort our young child when they have a bad dream or are afraid of the dark.  To this day I don’t like sleeping with my closet door open.  We can then begin to train them to cope with their fears.  Get to the bottom of what it is. If it is simply the dark then a night light may help.  If it is bad dreams then we can begin to train our children to pray and ask God for comfort and protection. Every child is different in this area so we need to take the time to find out what our child needs.  Parenting doesn’t end at night.  Take the time to comfort your child and help them work through their fears.    

Teens And Bedtime The goal for parenting is raising a Godly, responsible adult, who is both marriageable and employable.  Part of this is knowing how to be responsible with getting some sleep.  How many college students are not responsible with this part of their lives and their classes suffer? It is very difficult in the dorm to make the right decision and spend some time sleeping, when friends are up talking, gaming or having fun. Preparing your child for this, starts back in high school.  Parents should have the goal of allowing their child be in charge of their own bedtime before they leave the house, so they can practice.  As a child proves to be more and more responsible with their bedtime and getting up on time, their bedtime can be pushed back.  Gradually over time it can be moved to where there is no set “bedtime”.  Two things with no bedtime need to be discussed.   The teen needs to realize that mom and dad need their own time and are not there to entertain them.  This may mean that they spend time in their room after a certain point. Secondly, parameters need to be placed on internet and phone usage. It is unwise for a child to be allowed internet usage in their room with all the temptations out there, especially when there is not the accountability around.  This is great practice for teens but they can easily be given a […]

Why Is It So Challenging? It almost seems that the area of bedtime can be a battle for every stage of parenting, from birth to curfew.  This week we will address those issues, as well as, steps we can take as parents to help the bedtime battle. The first thing we need to ask is why does this battle take place?  For smaller children the resistance can be rooted in fear.  There may be a legitimate fear of the dark, a fear of the unknown or a fear of being alone.  The last may be especially true if one parent has left.  We need to be sensitive to our children if fear is involved.  Things that seem irrational to adults can be a source of fear in children because of the developmental phase they are in.  For example, fears of being sucked down the drain with the draining water in the bathtub is very real to the over imaginative child. Bedtime can also be one of the first battles of the will, however.  It becomes not about going to bed or staying in bed, it becomes a battle of control.  This can be one of the first big tests for making your “no mean no.”  It is our job as parents to take the time at bedtime to decipher if there are legitimate fears but be consistent with our “no”.    

Communication Blockers (part 2) The final blocker this week is one that we all have to deal with at one time or another.  It is impatience.  This is an emotion that can sometimes be avoided if we are simply more organized and not having to rush everywhere.   But ultimately patience is a Fruit of the Spirit (Galatians 5:22), which means that it is not something that we come by naturally. When we are impatient with our children for whatever reason we can more easily brush off what they are saying and not truly listen to them.   If we get in a pattern of impatience it can cause them to clam up and either turn elsewhere to be listened to or internalize everything.  Both of these are bad especially when it is our job to make them feel loved and valued. Choose to be patient with your children.  Make sure that you are spending time communicating with God.  Only through His strength can you be patient through any frustration, and communicate to your children not only your love for them but ultimately His!