Parenting On Purpose

The Five “R’s” of Education As parents we need to head into the school year prepared ahead of time for the days to come.  If we are not then we can easily get caught up in the whirlwind and all of a sudden it is June again. If this happens we may find ourselves disappointed because we were not have been able to reach some of the goals we had for our family and our children.  We need to treat these few weeks before the “crazy season” like a coach would treat preseason and go in with a goal and a game plan.  Set up some time to process with your spouse the goals you have for the year for your family as a whole and for each individual child. What are some things that you would like to see different by the end of this year or some things that you would like to focus on.   This is the first “R” of education, reason.  What is the reason behind what we are doing this year?  The rest of this week we will be discussing the other five “R’s” which are recreation, routine, responsibility, and relationship. Don’t let this year run away with your family.  Take sometime before it all starts to think through some of the areas of growth you would to have taken place in your family by June.   Listen to today’s podcast for more insight on this topic.

The Bonus of the Relationship With Your Child Through all the chaos that is the preschool years, there is a major bonus to having the privilege of doing preschool at home.  You don’t miss out on relationship! We need to always have in the forefront of our minds as parents how fleeting time is.  We must remember that we can never relive the moments that have passed.  This is a great reminder to enjoy our children through every single stage. Even though every stage will bring its own challenges we will never be able to relive those moments with that particular child.  What a great accountability to always have that in mind.  With doing the preschool years at home the bonus is you don’t miss out on the many milestones of those years or the awesome things they say. There is also the amazing bonding of parent and child through these learning experiences, as well as many priceless memories.  This is not only one thing to focus on during the hard days but also a motivator if there is any way that it would work for your family to be able to do preschool at home.   Listen to today’s podcast for more insight on this topic.

How To Keep Your Sanity One thing that makes many shy away at the thought of doing preschool at home is keeping their sanity with their preschooler around 24/7.  While it is definitely not the easiest of choices and many may have moments of thinking what have I done, there are many ways to keep yourself sane during the day. The first is going into every day, sometimes every moment, with the right attitude.  The thought needs to be, I’m not surviving my day, my goal is use my moments to teach and train my child.  If we continue in survival mode it is easier to get frustrated and feel as though things are spiraling out of control.   When we are teaching and training we are in control because we can turn even the crazy moments into opportunities. Secondly on a practical note we must take advantage of naptime! Whether it is to simply rest during the quiet moments, take these uninterrupted minutes for time alone with God, straightening up so everything doesn’t feel so chaotic or even just taking a shower.  It is important to make sure that we make the most of this time so we don’t get exhausted. Finally don’t forget to laugh.  Make the choice to take joy in situations with your kids.  Even the most frustrating moments don’t seem so if you can find something to smile about through them.  Did my toddler’s sock really just fly off and hit the dog while she was kicking and screaming?!   Listen to today’s podcast for more insight on this topic.

Teaching Through Socialization This is another area where parents feel if they are doing preschool their child may loose out on socialization with children their own age.  This is another area where we have to be intentional but the reward is great for both parties concerned.  One of the first places we can socialize our children is by creating play dates with other kids their own age. Taking the time to do this one on one with friends or even meeting up with a group of moms once a week is important.  It is important not only for the child’s interaction with others but it benefits mom as well.   Mom will get a chance not only to observe her child in a social setting and see areas that may need to be redirected or worked on, but they also may get some much needed time with other moms. Another area that is great for practicing socialization is the church nursery/preschool ministry.  In this setting, children get to practice away from mom, which can also be very valuable.  Most churches have gone to great lengths to make sure they have an awesome team of volunteers in their children’s ministry.  So it is a great environment where you can feel safe dropping your child off while you go and get recharged spiritually.  Make sure that you take the time to get to know your child’s teacher so you can dialog about how they behaved and can let them know areas that you are working on with your child.   Listen to today’s podcast for more insight and ideas on how to socialize your preschooler.

Teaching Through Experiences One thing we can do to begin the teaching process is exposing our preschooler to different things/experiences, as a way to teach them.  If we treat everything as a learning experience then we are ultimately creating a thirst for knowledge.  A classroom setting, especially for young children, can make learning feel like a requirement. For example, we can take our children to the park and have a picnic.  While we are eating we can spend time observing different animals, say squirrels, ducks or ants, and talk about them.  A small child learns very well through experiences because of their small attention span. You can even teach about numbers at the park as you count trees, swings or clouds. The great thing about this type of learning is that you can give one on one interactions. Because you know your child you can make the most of learning by tapping into their interests, such as the outdoors or animals.  You are also there and available to answer their questions, even the unasked ones. Keep in mind that this does take a lot of patience and attention to the details around you as well as an in depth knowledge of your child.  But keeping learning fun and spontaneous is well worth the effort of practicing!!   Listen to today’s podcast for more insight on this topic.

Choosing To Teach Your Child For the past two or three generations moms have been lead to believe that they were not able to meet the needs of their pre-schooler to get them ready socially, emotionally or academically as well as preschools.  Some moms have no option. They must put their two or three year old in preschool so they can help put food on the table.  But other moms, who could make the choice to keep their child at home, have been lead to believe that its always best for the child to take him to the “experts”.  That is just not always so. Why has this been an easy sell to moms? First, moms of course want to give their children every advantage.  Secondly, it is exhausting spending 24/7 with a preschooler.  Finally some moms may not feel equipped or creative enough to teach their preschooler. There are few reasons why it is worth the effort to learn how to be equipped to teach your preschooler, if you are in the position to do so.  The first is the high privilege it is to be your child’s first teacher.  The second is it promotes more mother and child bonding. Finally, you are there for those irreplaceable moments of the toddler/preschool years. We will spend the rest of this week talking through how to do preschool with your child. Listen to today’s podcast for more insight on this topic.

Spiritual Development and Last Questions About Daycare One great thing that we can see happening around the country is that many churches have taken on having daycares as part of their ministry.  Again, for those who have no option it is a great relief to know that the people who are caring for your children., share your spiritual beliefs.  For those that do have the option, don’t make the mistake of thinking that a church daycare will do a better job then you will at your child’s spiritual development.  We need to get away from the mentality that it is the churches job to grow us spiritually.  As parents it is especially easy to think, well my child went to Sunday school, small group or youth group this week, and check their spiritual development off your list.  This is not the case even for a Christian daycare.  A daycare worker cannot take the time for individualized teachable moments but parents can.  We can take the time to teach our children how to pray and then apply it as a family member is sick or as we pass an accident on the road while we are driving.  We can teach our children about the fruits of the spirit as we are teaching them why it is important to get along and share with their siblings.  Remember that we as parents will be held accountable for the spiritual development of our children, not the church or daycare.   Listen to today’s podcast for more insight on this topic as well as some answers to questions that parents have asked about daycare.

Academic and Intellectual Development of Daycare This is one of the great myths presented to parents.  There is some research out there that shows academic development is higher for children at daycare, BUT this was only in areas where moms themselves were not academically able to develop their children. Remember that mom can and should be the best teacher.  Especially for preschool aged children, one on one attention is important.  Mom can take the time to answer questions, and because they know their child even the questions that weren’t being asked. A mom can and will take the time to hear a child’s heart and will be better able to notice and develop their specific gifts. If there is an area that you feel your child can develop more, a mom can take the time to educate herself in how to help her child and then spend the one on one time it takes to do so.   Again we have only scratched the surface of this topic, listen to today’s podcast for more insight.

Behavioral Issues As A Result of Daycare One of the areas that we need to process is the behavioral impact of daycare.  Our children are like little sponges learning how to do things by observing everyone around them.  Especially impactful is what other children their age do or how they behave.  Many parents can testify that potty training their younger child was easier because they had a role model in their older sibling.  I even had one mom tell me that her 14 month old daughter taught her self to use the potty because big sister had just learned.   Because of this studies by the NYU School of Medicine and by NIH(National Institute of Health) state that children who spend most of their day in daycare were three times as likely to exhibit behavioral problems in Kindergarten as those who were cared for primarily by their mothers. There are several reasons because there are so many children for workers to focus on it is difficult for them to be consistent in discipline. There is just no way for them to “catch” everything, nor do they have the time to specifically deal with every child for every infraction. Because of this there can be an every man for himself mentality in the children or he who screams the loudest gets heard. One of the ways that daycare workers are inherently different from parents, other then the obvious, is their role is to be a manager not a trainer.  Therefore, they will not take advantage of the teachable moments that are there because they role is to be a manager of the class.  A final reason there are behavioral issues is sometimes a parents guilt, or the “I haven’t seen you all day mentality” tends to dilute our discipline at home.   We have just scratched the surface of this topic, listen to today’s podcast for more insight.

The Emotional Issues Linked to Daycare There are some emotional issues that come up when placing your child in daycare which need to be addressed.  The earlier the child is placed in care the greater the impact of these issues.  Research has stated that it can diminish bonding with the mother, which can lead to emotional issues in the future.   It states, ”infants’ emotional development may be disrupted with the attachment process is undermined by the repeated extended separation involved in placing an infant in fully time daycare. “ Emotional stability is created and maintained in the home environment.  The current societal mentality seems to be pushing parents to be facilitators of their children rather then nurtures.  If your children spend all day out of the home it can feed this mentality, as you are rushing to get home from work, pick up your child, get dinner, everyone cleaned and to bed, only to do again tomorrow.  This hectic schedule doesn’t leave a lot of time for the nurturing of young children. Lastly we need to remember that we as parents are the ones who’s responsibility it is to mirror God’s unconditional love.  We are the ones who are to applaud the character and effort of our children not the performance.  This is very difficult to do when we are constantly rushing because we have to truly and deeply know our children.   Listen to today’s podcast for more insight on this topic.

The Decision To Place My Child In Daycare For the somewhat controversial topic of daycare we first need to mention that there are many families out there today, especially in this economy, which have no options as far as daycare is concerned.  For the families that do have an option the impacts of putting your child in daycare must be weighed.  Any family who uses daycare must be prepared for some of the challenges it brings. Today we need to look at the question of why many place their children in daycare.  Like we stated previously many families have no options, single parent families and families hit hard by the current economic state are examples.  For parents who do have options what are the reasons for choosing to place your child in daycare? Some of the reasons that have been stated are, to socialize my child, to use my degree to further my career and make a difference, to give my child a PreK schooling experience so they can get ahead in school, and finally putting a child in daycare always makes good financial sense.  Many of these are myths, which we are going to spend time this week breaking down so you as a parent can feel you are making an educated decision about daycare.  As we stated previously if there is no option due to your circumstance then you will be able to face possible issues head on because you are prepared for them.   Listen to today’s podcast for more insight on this topic.

Sibling Rivalry and Personalities There are many aspects of parenting where our children’s different personalities may have an affect.  Sibling rivalry can be one of those areas.  If you have a child who is very sensitive you may be tempted to rescue them whenever they get their feelings hurt.  This may not help them in the long run, however.  If our job is to train our child for adulthood we may need to help our sensitive child learn how to cope.  There are obviously times we need to step in when picking on each other goes too far.  When our sensitive child gets their feelings hurt we may just need to take some time to talk them through it.   Many times they are getting picked on because of their reaction.  Teaching them how to cope will help them not only in the school years but also help them to not wear their feelings on their sleeve as adults. The other child we can take extra time with is the child who is our leader.  Our goal should be training up all of our children to be future leaders but our first-born has been naturally placed in this role.  We can start allowing them areas of leadership.  As the oldest they will have more privileges then their siblings as they grow, so their responsibilities will grow as well.  Having a sense of ownership in their leadership role will help with the sibling rivalry we just have to guide them. Take the time to come up with a plan for the different personalities in your home. Listen to today’s podcast for more insight on sibling rivalry.

Don’t Just Manage Sibling Rivalry Train For Relationship There are so many times that we get caught up in attempting to manage the fighting between our children we forget to give opportunities for relationship.  There are several areas where we can train our children to enjoy and ultimately serve each other.  This may not be something that comes naturally to our children so we need to look for opportunities to help them with it.  Make sure there are routine times for sibling fun in your house.  Game nights are great for family interaction.  Have a weekly “fun Friday” where you allow your kids to have a big slumber party in the living room with popcorn and a movie.  It is our job to create experiences to promote camaraderie in our kids. Another area to focus on is training our kids to serve each other.  Look for areas where you can help one child serve the other.  For example, your older child has a big test to study for and it is their job to do the dishes.  Talk to your younger child and have them help you do the dishes for the older one.  Make sure the child is receiving plenty of praise from you as they help you do the dishes.   This is a great training opportunity that so often we miss. Make sure that you take the extra time to create opportunities for fun and service.  It will go along way in helping your children’s relationship with each other. Listen to today’s podcast for more insight on sibling rivalry.

Using Sibling Rivalry for Training in Impulse and Attitude Control Siblings are a great learning and practicing tool for marriage and coworkers.  Utilizing this for training in both impulse control and not allowing someone else to control our attitude is important.  We touched on how to do this yesterday.  Make sure you are consistently communicating what the other options to fighting are.  When you hear fighting from the other room you can take that moment to remind your children, as a warning for their behavior, what the right choice would be.  After the warning, if the inappropriate behavior continues then a consequence can occur.  By doing this you are reminding your children to use self-control or to control their impulses.  Immaturity would say to retaliate when someone does something to you.  Maturity would be able to look past it and deal with it appropriately. The next thing we can utilize siblings for is to teach our children that attitude is a choice.  You can choose to let someone else’s actions control your mood or you can refocus both yourself and your mood.  Again in both of these training opportunities positive reinforcement goes along way.  This may mean more work for us as parents as we look for things to praise.  We also sometimes mean well and then get too busy to mention it when our kids make the right choice.  Take the time and effort to go crazy for good behavior; that sometimes speaks more loudly then consequences for the poor choices.   Listen to today’s podcast for more insight on sibling rivalry.

Using Sibling Rivalry as a Training Tool It is so easy to get irritated and frustrated when our children don’t get along. Constant fighting between siblings can be exhausting for parents. However, sibling rivalry is a great teaching tool for our children to learn many life lessons.  One lesson is how to handle it appropriately when someone irritates you.   Another lesson is conflict management.  The lesson that life is not always fair can also be taught through siblings.  Keep focused on the importance of these lessons and come up with a plan for utilizing sibling rivalry for training.   This will help give purpose for dealing with these issues and help us as parents to not feel so frustrated. Take time to set up parameters on where the line of inappropriate behaviors is.  Then have a family meeting to discuss this line, the consequences for stepping over the line and options for appropriately dealing with the conflict.  Giving your children options on how to appropriately deal with it when their sibling irritates them is part of the training.  They can talk to their sibling, remove themselves from the situation or refocus on something else. Another key to training is not only handing out consequences for inappropriate behavior but also rewarding the positive.  If our children make the right choice and avoid the fighting we need to make sure we are going crazy with praise.   Listen to today’s podcast for more insight on sibling rivalry.