Parenting On Purpose

Get Organized- Part 2 Here is a list of reminders for parents on how to consistently communicate positively to your child. It will also help you to maintain the balance of structure and relationship. 1. Listen to your child- make sure you are taking the time to listen to your child through the process of getting organized.  Make sure to include them in the process. It is easy for many of us to get over excited about being about to take charge of our family and forget to listen to our child’s voice. 2. Be careful how you react.  Stay calm.- Very important when your child is consistently hitting a wall.  We need to remember that change is a gradual process.  Remind yourself that it is about the process not the end result. 3. Be patient-A good reminder when you are feeling frustrated is to focus on the fact that they are children and not “mini adults”. They will make mistakes and have immature moments. 4. Give them active time-All children, but especially those with ADD/ADHD need time to blow of steam.  Make sure that there is time allotted in your schedule for physical activity. 5. Find fun.  There’s a huge need for laughter- Family should be about fun but it is especially important to choose fun when you are working through issues together.  Make the time for crazy spontaneous fun. 6. The power of Touch and affection- The power of positive touch […]

Get Organized- Part 1 A great list found on ADDitudemag.com for helping parents get organized and mobilized to help their child/family function with ADD/ADHD. 1. Give specific instructions. “Put away the toys on your carpet on the shelf in the closet.” Be consistent — if the toys are stored on the shelf one night, they should be put there every night. Children need to know precisely what you expect. 2. Assign tasks that your child is capable of doing on his own. Success builds confidence. The goal is to teach your child to do things independently. 3. Involve your child in discussions about rules and routines. It will help him understand goals and teach him to accept responsibility. 4. Write down routines as sequences of tasks (two to five items only), and post where easily visible (refrigerator, bathroom mirror). Review lists regularly with your child. 5. Be realistic about time. Make sure you’ve set aside enough time for the child to complete his homework, clear the dishes, and get out the door in the morning. If the original time frame is leaving you five minutes shy, add five minutes. 6. Expect gradual improvement. It takes time to change old habits and form new ones. 7. Praise effort — not just results. If your child set the table but forgot napkins, acknowledge that she’s trying. Reward good behavior more often than you punish bad. 8. Allow for free time in daily routines. Kids — and adults — need downtime. 9. If your child isn’t taking to the routine, seek help from a counselor who specializes in ADHD. A pro […]

Isn’t ADHD Just An Excuse For A Lack Of Discipline? A great response to this question was found in ADDitudeMag.com, by Robert M.A. Hirschfeld, M.D., who is a psychiatrist and a father of an ADHD child…. “The idea that willpower can solve all problems is as American as apple pie, but so are compassion, tolerance, and wisdom. Some people with diseases such as diabetes and hypertension can organize their lives to limit the effects of their disabilities. But some, no matter how hard they try, need insulin to break down sugar or medication to lower their blood pressure. We offer them support, and we do not blame them for their failure to “fix” themselves. The same goes for ADHD. Unfortunately, when it comes to brain disorders, such as ADHD, depression, or other neurological conditions, a harmful attitude creeps in: the belief that attention deficit disorder, and other disorders originating in the mind, reflect “bad character” and that all it takes is more willpower to overcome them. As a psychiatrist, and also as the father of an ADHD child, I know how destructive this view is. Many people with depression suffer for years because they’ve tried to make themselves feel better, and they still can’t function. Coworkers and spouses become frustrated and blame the sufferer when attempts to “jolly” a person out of a depression don’t work. Their lack of understanding adds guilt and shame to the long list of problems that depressed people cope […]

Mom Is Key Children with ADD/ADHD have a very difficult time maintaining focus on things that do not interest them.  This can become very frustrating to parents when they see their child get very focused for a long period of time over a video game or some other hobby but are unable to maintain that focus when it comes to homework or chores.   Parents need to keep in mind for a child who is truly ADD/ADHD it is not willful disobedience. Where parents can come in to help is by providing consistent rewards for an area that may be difficult for a child to self motivate.  Something such as homework is a good area to start.  Something like offering a small reward such as a snack for a subject completed or an allotted amount of time worked is all that may be needed to motivate the child to focus.  Start with small chunks of time worked and slowly work to more as your child does better focusing.   For more on this topic listen to today’s podcast.

Have Hope ADD/ADHD seems to be something that many parents have questions about because it is so prevalent in today’s society, to the point where many parents worry about their children unnecessarily.  It appears that currently only 3-5% of children truly suffer from ADD/ADHD. The characteristics of ADD/ADHD are impulsivity, inattention, and hyperactivity. The problem is many parents with toddlers can attest to theses characteristics showing up frequently.  So we must ask when does it become a problem? There are several factors that can cause this in young children, everything from lack of sleep, diet, or even over stimulation.  So we as parents need to ask ourselves a few questions to determine whether or not this is something that we need to take more seriously. Is the behavior I observe in my child similar to that of other children he encounters? Is the behavior I expect of my child developmentally appropriate? Do I see a pattern of behavior when my child engages in various activities? Do I see a pattern of behavior in various settings? It may even help to ask the perspective of another objective adult such as a teacher.   For more on this topic listen to today’s podcast.

NO Excuses The generation of children and teens have been raised observing the “its never my fault attitude”. Many in society want to blame every one around them for circumstances and choices, the victim mentality is sadly very prevalent.  This is a very adolescent attitude that many adults have not grown out of. We need to teach our children that their choices are their own, which means that they need to learn how to take responsibility for their actions.  No excuses are acceptable.  Teaching this attitude of responsibility for decisions makes our child both marriageable and employable.  Never being able to admit when you are at fault makes both of these areas very difficult. The Living Bible translates the Proverbs 22:6 verse like this, “Teach a child to choose the right path, and when he is older, he will remain upon it.”  We are training our children not only to make the right choices but to take responsibility and learn from the poor ones.   Listen to today’s podcast for more on the topic of decision making.  

Challenges The challenges of decision making are evident in every decision your child has to make.  Rather then making these decisions for your child, or becoming frustrated with the child’s poor decisions, use these as opportunities for decision making development. What are examples in the decision making training process? Well when our children are young we train them to pick up after themselves.   That is ultimately helping them make the decision to do that later on.  How they handle their allowance is a great decision making opportunity.  Decisions about when is an appropriate time to leave if something is happening at a party or date that goes against what is appropriate. All the “challenges” we as parents face with our children and teens are also great training opportunities.  The need to learn the skill of wise, disciplined decision making is often more significant then the behavior we are dealing with.  Don’t get frustrated and miss out on the opportunity to train.  We need to instill in our kids the thought, “Its not that my parents caught me, it’s that I made the wrong decision.”   Listen to today’s podcast for more on the topic of decision making.

The Four Parts of The Training Process As we have discussed previously, there are four “E’s” to every training process we face with our children.  We need to focus on all four of these steps for successful training. The first is our example as parents.  Are we setting the example of good decision making?  If we make a bad choice are we humble enough to explain and help our children learn from our mistake?  Do our children see us going to God’s word, praying about it and seeking Godly advice when we make a decision? Remember a very big part of the training process is living out what we are teaching. The second step is exposing them to the decision making process.  Like we said in example, include your children in decisions that are being made as a family.  Allow them to see how to process a big decision. The third “E”, is experience.   We need to allow our children the experience of making their own decisions.  We stated Monday that often it is easier as parents to make decisions for our child because it is so time consuming to walk them through the process.  However, if we are not allowing them to practice decision making then we are actually stunting development in this area. Finally comes encouragement.  We also need to take the time to encourage our children when they make decisions.  We need to go crazy with praise when they make […]

The 2 Components of Making Wise Decisions There are two components that are necessary to teach our children so they can consistently make wise choices. The first is knowing where to go to find answers.  This is the first step to a good decision making process. There are many places we can train our children to go to look for answers if they are unsure in a decision. The first is always God’s word.   Many of the answers we need, can be found by simply cracking open the Bible and looking.  Another place to go is other people who can help give wise and Godly advice.  This is great area to help our children practice.  The more quickly they learn not to take advice from just anyone the better their decisions will be. The second is learning the discipline to do the things I know are the wisest things to do even when I am tempted to do the opposite. This means that we need to teach our children, when they find the answer that they are looking for in scripture or through wise advice, they need to stick with it even if it is hard.  Helping our children to use their heads in the decision process and not their wants or emotions will help them in the face of temptation. The second thing that we need to help our child with is learning the discipline of saying no.  This is a very difficult […]

Why It’s Important to Raise Good Decision Makers This seems like an obvious question, because how our child makes decisions will affect every aspect of their life.  But if we truly believe this then why is this not a more prevalent focus of our parenting? For one thing it is a lot easier for us to make decisions for our child and not take the time to train the to make decisions for themselves.  We are usually in a rush and taking the time to present and explain decisions to our child takes a lot of time and effort. When we are in a rush and our child makes a poor decision we usually don’t take the time to help them process through how to make a better choice next time, we usually just yell and move on.  Keep in mind if our child doesn’t know how to make decisions for themselves then they will spend their lives allowing others to make decisions for them. Two verses that we consistently bring up in discussing parenting which apply to the decision making process as well are, Romans 12:2 Do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God’s will is—his good, pleasing and perfect will. Proverbs 22:6 Train up a child in the way he should go, even when he is old he will not depart from […]

Ways To Get Help As A Mom And As An Individual One thing that we could all use more of is encouragement.  As moms we really benefit from being around others who are in the same stage of life as we are or even people who have gone ahead of us.  It is so easy for us as moms to get isolated in our daily activities and unless we are intentional we end up feeling so lonely. There are many ways to find time to be with other moms.   Many churches have ministries solely for moms.  You can even set up a time every week for a park date with other moms who have kids of similar age.  Especially as we head into the summer months with our children home we need to be intentional about making these times out with other moms. It is also beneficial to be able to have some adult woman time away from the children.  Whether that is a bible study that has child care or your husband is willing to take the children for an evening every once in a while.  Women thrive in community.  We even seem to get energy from being around each other.  This is another thing that is important to make sure and some how fit it into that crazy schedule.  It is worth the effort!   Listen to today’s podcast for more insight on the topic of mothering.  

How Is A Mom To Get Help Many moms today because of the economy are working outside the home.  There are also many moms who are having to work from home to bring in extra income.  The problem is that statistics show that most of the time it is the women who are still coming home from work to do all of the house work and cooking and dealing with the kids.  This is not a slam on men, most don’t know how they can help.  They probably didn’t observe it in their home or are afraid to mess up the system. There is a way to create a team for the family especially when both parents are working.  That is encouragement!  Don’t be afraid to ask your spouse to do something.  Most men would happily help if they knew what their wife needed help with.  Then we need to encourage when they help. This is another area of struggle for many women.  Many of us are very particular in how we want things done and nitpick if someone else does it.  We need to learn to be grateful and express the gratitude for a job done, not complain how it wasn’t done right.  Make sure you are taking the time to express gratitude for help offered to you!   Listen to today’s podcast for more insight on the topic of mothering!

Finding You As a Woman and As a Person Like we said yesterday it is so important to prioritize our schedules in order to find balance.  There is another thing that we need to find time to fit in and that is time for ourselves.  We need to make sure that we do not completely loose our identity and solely become mom.  It is so easy to get caught up in the frenetic chaos of the day to day and realize down the road that you don’t even know who you are anymore.  It is hard to relate to your spouse and your children as they get older if you don’t have a sense of self.  Now this is not to be confused with a sense of selfishness.  There must be a balance to this.  It seems that we live in a time of extremes in this area.  Either we think its all about me and sacrifice what is really best for our children for our wants or we attempt to become so completely selfless that we lose who we are.  Find the balance.  Make sure that you are taking a little bit of time every week as alone time.  Whether that is taking a small amount of time during naps to read or just sit in the tub, or take turns with a friend babysitting children just so you can have some quiet time.  And like we said yesterday make sure that […]

Find The Balance In Life One thing that helps moms find the concept of balance is learning how to prioritize. It seems that we all have this huge checklist of things to get done and if we can’t check them off we feel an inordinate amount of guilt.   So we all need to sit down with our lists and learn to make what is truly important the priority. First is our relationship with God.  We first and foremost need to be making time to spend with God.  Even if it’s a few moments of reading scripture and some quick prayers, it will help with your focus and attitude through the day.  Part of our problem is most of us feel the pressure to do every thing awesome.  Our expectation is to have these major bible study times and hour long prayer sessions.  With small children this is probably not a feasibility.  I know of moms who spend their shower time as their prayer time because it is uninterrupted.  The point is this is the first priority, our relationship with God. The second priority is our marriage.  We are first husband and wife, then parents.  Today’s podcast states it like this marriage is the priority and children the ministry of that marriage.  So often we place our marriage on the altar of parenting.  That cannot be, because the health of the family is gauged by the marriage.  Marriage should be the second priority.  Make […]

Motherhood Is More Challenging Then I Imagined This week’s topic hits very close to home for me personally as the mother of a two year old.  We are going to talk about how to deal with the overwhelming day to day responsibilities of being a mom.  I can say that I have seen this from all aspects, from ten years working with the teens parents in residential care to the current stage of being around my friends with young children, every mom has days of feeling overwhelmed at the continuous task at hand.. .raising children! We are going to spend the week talking about how we cope on those days and how we get to the point of choosing to be fulfilled with the awesome job we have been privileged too.  The first thing that we can do is take a step back and analyze our expectations.  Some one once said to me “there’s no such thing as a perfect parent, just a good enough parent.”  I love this quote and every time I think about this it takes a weight off.  Part of a mom’s stress today is the feeling that we are expected to be able to do everything and do it all perfectly, in perfect balance.  From keeping house, bringing in money, pouring into our kids lives, raising spiritual giants, keeping our kids healthy and well exercised, being involved in school and church functions and have time to work out […]