Don Woods

With the coronavirus flooding the news every day we have a new word which is utilised by every news presenter..."Lockdown"...which I always thought applied to prisons and American movies.....what is wrong with "quarantine" or is that too English?....we are being infiltrated with Americanisms such as "go figure"..."24/7"...."high 5"....and worst of all "MOM"....it's MUM!!!....this is England not Dodge City....it's bad enough having to listen to the misuse of our language by third rate soap stars who replace "TH" with "F"....anyway I Fink that's enough of that...........plus lots more.....

The media are still trying to scare everyone announcing more numbers each day of those contacting the corona virus...what we are not told is how many have actually recovered....and this has caused our nation of sheep to panic buy toilet rolls and hand sanitisers ... in case we all have to lock ourselves in our houses....there have been THREE fatalities where the people involved sadly had health problems beforehand...and 300 of us have contacted the disease.......so the other 68 million of us must hope for the best....then we have entries on Facebook telling us that people are buying hand sanitisers for 99p and selling them on Ebay for £14....which is probably a load of nonsense....and not forgetting the rugby players who mustn't shake hands....then squash together in the scrum with their heads in between each others legs....it would be funny if it wasn't so tragic.

The media are still trying to scare everyone announcing more numbers each day of those contacting the corona virus...what we are not told is how many have actually recovered....and this has caused our nation of sheep to panic buy toilet rolls and hand sanitisers ... in case we all have to lock ourselves in our houses....there have been THREE fatalities where the people involved sadly had health problems beforehand...and 300 of us have contacted the disease.......so the other 68 million of us must hope for the best....then we have entries on Facebook telling us that people are buying hand sanitisers for 99p and selling them on Ebay for £14....which is probably a load of nonsense....and not forgetting the rugby players who mustn't shake hands....then squash together in the scrum with their heads in between each others legs....it would be funny if it wasn't so tragic.

The corona virus has dominated the news.....we now have 40 cases in this country and we are being told to "self isolate" if we don't feel well....especially if we have just come back from Italy or China.....so the media have done their job by creating a panic....so supplies of anti bacteria hand cream etc have run out....plus the price of some of these cures has strangely gone up....maybe I'm wrong but 40 people is hardly a major epidemic?.....but there you go....but we can all be assured our wonderful government will solve the problem....masks are sold out but apparently they serve no purpose - hand washing is the answer....and we must stay away from crowds...but it's O.K. to travel on London buses according to the mayor....I give up.

The Coronavirus has been headlining the news with our local hospital in Wirral being featured and the floods which get worse in certain parts of the country so the media has no problem filling their news programmes....so if you want to be depressed watch the news..

Very sad to hear of Caroline Flack taking her own life....she was an excellent personality and TV presenter.....again this is an example of the price of fame....you put yourself in that position and you become a target for the media to utilise you as news to justify their jobs and not giving a toss about your feelings....she was recently reported by her boyfriend for GBH but he dropped the complaint but the police decided to take it further.....so I hope the police and the media are happy now not forgetting the sad pieces of manure who sit in their hovels sending vile messages on twitter...............with todays gutter press and gossip hungry media you are only news when you are on the way up and when you are there they plough in to try and bring you down so you become "news" again.

The news has been dominated by the weather and the Corona virus....both of which being sensationalised as usual by the media....on one hand we are being told that the virus is under control then on the other it is a serious threat....which makes sure we are all put into panic mode...then we have the floods and high speed winds with reporters standing on promenades with waves splashing up like they always do this time of the year...and rivers bursting their banks and flooding villages....like they do every year....but this can't possibly be solved because we need to spend billions on high speed rail to save commuters 20 minutes on their journey.....but it's O.K. because it gives our news programmes a bit of ammunition to scare us all with.

The Chinese virus is headlining the news with holiday makers being quarantined in our local hospital....Arrowe Park....they have to spend two weeks in solitary to make sure they don't have the virus......this hasn't gone down too well with the locals but the reason is it's close to the Royal Hospital in Liverpool which has a tropical disease section and any problems with those at Arrowe Park will be dealt with there.....plus the media keep referring to THE Wirral which as you know grates on us....it's WIRRAL....it's an area like Cheshire and Lancashire.....we don't say THE Cheshire!!......it has been corrected on some news rogrammes...they must have seen the complaints on Facebook.....and as you can imagine masks were instantly sold out...say no more.

With the loss of Terry Jones comedy has lost one of its geniuses...he was part of the Monty Python team who were so far ahead of their time....long before comedy was ruined by so called political correctness which has left us with zero humour distributed by 12th rate "comedians"...The Life of Brian was a masterpiece and totally summed up the stupidity of the majority of the human race...and what made it even funnier was all the pompous critics who totally missed the point of it...especially the Americans who regarded it as sacrilege.....to me it was the greatest and cleverest film ever made....the Pythons will sadly never be replaced

Now I've heard it all.....wait for it...speed bumps on side roads are being blamed for adding to climate change according to "experts"...because it causes cars to brake and the dust from the brake pads gets into the atmosphere and could obviously effect the climate....I'm not quite sure what planet these "experts" are from.....so the answer is obviously to take the speed bumps away and allow the brainless morons to think they are Lewis Hamilton and hope they don't kill too many pedestrians.....there is a major problem in this country with idiots who speed and the obvious answer is to put speed cameras everywhere and they would make a fortune in fines until the situation sunk into the solid bone heads....but that must be too simple.

Now I've heard it all.....wait for it...speed bumps on side roads are being blamed for adding to climate change according to "experts"...because it causes cars to brake and the dust from the brake pads gets into the atmosphere and could obviously effect the climate....I'm not quite sure what planet these "experts" are from.....so the answer is obviously to take the speed bumps away and allow the brainless morons to think they are Lewis Hamilton and hope they don't kill too many pedestrians.....there is a major problem in this country with idiots who speed and the obvious answer is to put speed cameras everywhere and they would make a fortune in fines until the situation sunk into the solid bone heads....but that must be too simple.

The Iranian crisis has been heavily covered on the news with everyone having an opinion as to what will happen next.. Then we have the the fires in Australia which are REAL problems....we sit back and watch it all unfold on the news and comment on how awful it is but when you give it a bit of deeper thought it is...... On a lighter note we have a selection of new game shows on our TVs...."Cash Strapped" which features Bradley Walsh who is never off our screens... I took my 5 year old Grandson to the local panto in New Brighton....it was Snow White and The Seven Dwarfs.... We also have the return of Dancing On Ice where one of the contestants has already injured himself.. the song this week is about one of the greats...Burt Lancaster....there were a few rumours knocking around in the past about his "preferences" as he apparently spent a lot of time in male company..

After all the panic buying and aggression in the shops and traffic totally out of control with cars racing around and honking horns it is finally over and we can get back to normal.....it's ONE DAY!!! that's all. And as for the television over the Christmas period....again I despair....rubbish films and repeats of quiz shows....pure garbage on virtually every channel....even finding a decentfilm on Netflix is a major job......... And on the subject of television I would love to know what is the point of "pundits" on Match of the Day.....all they do is discuss what we have just seen...why don't they just pipe down and get on with the next match?. Mike Pender has been awarded an M.B.E......which just about sums up the awards system in this country as only those of a certain age will remember Mike and as he left The Searchers many moons ago I have a pal who drives an an all electric TESLA.....when he bought it (which cost 60 grand) he was pleased with it as he had the promise of zero tax and free hook ups to charge it.... The song this week is one I found in a drawer....it is one I wrote in the 80's for Pauline Daniels who is a singer and comedienne and was a good friend of mine....

The election is over.....the Conservatives wiped out Labour with Jeremy Corbyn being blamed...because as we know in this country SOMEONE always has be blamed....so now it seems we are back to where we were all those years ago....and those who voted for Labour still aren't satisfied and on we go....I made one of my rare appearances at the polling booth which is a waste of time on our peninsula as labour always get in...as indeed they did this year....the only time I enjoyed the elections was when I used to be the presiding officer at various polling stations on the day......and I got 60 quid...I wonder what they get these days?

Again we have a bit of racism and misbehaviour at a football match....this time it was the Manchester derby when some idiot threw a lighter and hit one of the players and someone else did "racist" monkey chants.....and what do we get..."It's lack of education"....when will the top brass in football realise you can't "educate" morons who are solid bone from the neck up.....perhaps some of the money they make could be used on modern technology to spot these low life and ensure they are banned forever....I always enjoyed Cantona's answer when he was insulted by a fan and he jumped over the barrier and drop kicked him in the chest....OOH AH.