Don Woods

The song I have sent you this week is one that failed to make the classical music charts which it should have done. It came about after Radio City’s Norman Thomas told his listeners how he went out to buy a dibber…which is a garden tool used for manually boring holes in the ground to plant seeds in….so Norm buys what he thinks is a dibber only to get home and find he’s bought a handle off a shovel….he took a lot of stick over this so I came up with The Dibber Song and sent it to him….he played it every day for about a fortnight. On one occasion he was interviewing Cilla about her forthcoming panto and played this song to her and got her to join in on the chorus….but sadly never put it on any of her albums…….I wonder why. We have a new golden girl….the wonderful Jessica Ennis is world champion again….she is a great role model for sport which,as we discussed recently,is about WINNING. Let’s hope a good proportion of our youth switch off their computers and iPhones and get out there…..then perhaps they’ll stop moaning about being bullied on line….and hats off to Usain Bolt who did it again …just as well because if the other guy had won we would never have heard the end of it….all good stuff….better not mention the final test match. 3.The BBC are “sacking” the Met office who have been supplying them with weather predictions for years….it’s about time too…the forecasts can be very iffy….I use the weather channel on the phone and it is very accurate…so why don’t the Beeb use this instead…….the local forecast has been atrocious and Diane Oxberry comes on next day and makes a joke of it….”oooh we got it wrong yesterday hee hee” which is all very well but a lot of people depend on the forecast and base their day on it…..so with a bit of luck we might start getting decent forecasts from the Beeb for a change. 4.There has been huge news coverage of the plane crash at the display in West Sussex….again a terrible tragedy…these things seem to be happening a bit too much lately. The fact that passers by lose their lives makes it worse. How unlucky can you be to be hit by a plane whilst travelling on the main road…..I think this needs to be thought about a lot more…..the Red Arrows give a display every year in a local place called Hoylake…but they do it over the sea for this reason…maybe this practice should be adopted by everyone….the “experts” have been saying that there has been no public fatalities since 1952…which they seem to think makes it all O.K…..ONE loss of life is one too many…nothing is worth that…..anyway it looks like things will change. 5.I’ve lost a lot of sleep lately since hearing the news that One Direction are splitting up….Oh My!!...there has been a lot of tears…mainly from their management and record company…oh yes and from the teeny boppers. I’ve never felt this bad since The Dooleys split up !!!....Harry Stiles?...that’s the only name I know…and they have sold 50 million records….it’s a sad time for us all…I’m sure the immigrants who are running for their lives will be very upset about it. They all sound the same to me…but then again I am 60 years outside the age range. I don’t know why they call these guys BANDS…they are a vocal group…a BAND plays instruments…like McFly….who are good….and have a bit of talent.

The song I have sent you this week is called “The Colour of Time”…and it was one of my rare collaborations…a friend of mine called Patricia Knapton came up with the title…I composed the music and we both worked on the lyrics. I really like this song and it has a nice twist at the end….I produced this back in the 90s but I am thinking of re-vamping it…I have a few ideas for it. .E cigarettes have hit the news….because they are 75% safer than ordinary ciggies (according to research…probably by the makers of E cigarettes)…it has been suggested that they go on prescription from the NHS….which is struggling by the way….what a load of tripe!!!...who comes up with these brainwaves?....”Oh…it will help people stop smoking”….smokers will save money buying these things…so why don’t THEY invest THAT…instead of ME paying for their filthy habit?...whichever way they go you can guarantee the cigarette companies wont lose money. Bullying has reared its ugly head with kids in school being made very unhappy…Boo Hoo…perhaps if they get off the internet for 5 minutes and get out and play they might find the problem is solved. They are coming up with allsorts of reasons why they are bullied….but we never hear the other side of the story…..or see the parents. What these politicians don’t seem to comprehend is you cannot legislate for stupid morons who have yet to evolve….there will always be bullies…there always has been … but they are a minority…a brainless minority. Strictly Come Dancing is coming back soon…I must say I do enjoy it….with celebs and wonderfully sculpted ladies gliding around a dancefloor what is there for the dads not to like. One of the celebs will be Carol Kirkwood the weather girl who is great….so I’m looking forward to a bit of decent telly for a change…..and no more Brucie…it gets better all the time!! Last week they had a programme looking back at the history of Saturday night TV….there were some really good programmes back then…where did they all go? Morecambe and Wise….Game for a Laugh…Candid Camera…..etc. Britain’s Got Talent has come under fire because the woman and her dog who won it CHEATED!!!....she had TWO DOGS!!!...what is the world coming to…she’ll be taking drugs next and entering the next Olympics. And all those viewers who voted for her are going to get a refund….it’s like a comedy sketch….anyone who sits in front of a TV and wastes money on a phone call to make someone else famous needs serious help.…but there you are…there is no hope. 5.There was a programme celebrating the music of Frank Sinatra with various celebs singing his songs…I know the guy was enormously popular…and I know he was world famous…and I know hw sold millions of records…but I just didn’t get him…never did….I liked Bing and Perry Como and Danny Kaye…great crooners…but I always found Sinatra to have a “dry” voice and in his later years was a bit out of tune. He did nothing for me I’m afraid…but I like the songs and have sung many of them myself with my band…..and I’m sure if Frank was still here he wouldn’t care less what I thought........Come to think of it I never got Johnny Cash either…but there you are.

The song I have sent you this week was one I came up with for Radio City’s Norman Thomas back in the day….the one note song. It came about when someone told me they couldn’t sing a note…so I disagreed and that sparked off this song…as EVERYONE can sing one note…anywhere…you could go into a pub in China and everyone could sing one note…there are no language barriers or key problems….as the song explains. Maybe I was a bit ahead of my time….it did however make the local papers. 2.This has reminded me of the guy at every wedding (usually Uncle Harry) who always wants to get up and give ‘em a song at the end of the night with the full support of his family…the song is generally “Spanish Eyes” which he warbles through singing the same note….and invariably goes down better than the band….who are frowned at by the bloke paying them wondering why they are getting paid and uncle Harry sang for nothing….the fact that the band have just done 3 hours and built the crowd up to the drunken crescendo they are in and Uncle Harry has sung the same note for 2 minutes….is somehow overlooked….it’s a dream come true Simon. 3..I’m sure the victims of financial cuts are delighted to hear that Prince Andrew has just bought Fergie a 5 million pound chateau in Switzerland…..or should I say WE have bought it?...nice to know he is so generous…and there has been a disaster at Sandringham Palace!!…..the poor pigeons are devastated because their loft is rotting away….but you’ll be pleased to know the Queen has come to the rescue and had them a new one built for 40 grand…. Her pigeons are reported to be delighted….and unseen photographs taken by lord Lichfield of Charles and Diana’s wedding are about to go on sale in New York….and expected to fetch millions….hip hip hurrah!!!.....I’m so pleased for them all. 4.When I listen to the various dialects in this country I begin to despair….what happened to the English language….”T” seems to have vanished as youngsters now go to a par-y on sa-aday…or “I like i-“…and we have those dreadful Eastenders so called actors who replace “T” with “F”…I FINK I’ll do this and FINK I’ll do that and has anyone seen Kaffy…then we have Coronation Street with “we’re goin’ t’ shops”….it’s awful and it’s not difficult to pronounce words correctly….as we do on Merseyside….or maybe I’m a bit biased? 5.And on the subject of television….we have definitely hit an all time low….maybe it’s me…I don’t know….but is ANYONE interested in embarrassing bodies?...people being brought into A & E?...third class actors being “killed off” in soaps?...and now we have a plethora of “happy family” shows where ordinary members of families can win holidays….with one of them trying to be funny…why should I care if someone I don’t know wins a holiday?...I though we had seen the last of these dreadful cheap to make shows with the retirement of Bruce Forsyth....it’s bad enough when celebs are involved but at least the money goes to charity. If someone comes up with an alternative to television (and they probably will) they will clean up….sooner the better.

The song this week was one I came up with in the 70’s “Strangle My Boss”….it has changed a bit since then but it opened a few doors…it got me a publishing deal with Evolution Records (with the help of Leapy Lee)…and this particular song was actually recorded by The Bonzo Dog Doo Dah Band….didn’t do much and later it was recorded by some Australian DJ on vinyl (I’ve still got a copy somewhere)….I also recoded it in a big studio in Clapham….don’t know what happened to the master tapes but hey…that’s rock and roll. ..There has been an article on the news regarding a “posh” hotel in Ireland where a bottle of WATER with your meal will cost you 26 quid….this is an example of capitalising on the mentalities of those who wander amongst us…those who can sell WATER have always had my admiration…it’s pure genius…proving that some people will believe anything “Oh yes you can tell it comes from a Swiss mountain stream…etc”…bit like the football fraternity who receive 60 quid from someone who can see the match on the tele for nothing…thinking that they are an actual necessity at the match…and even when you lose they don’t want their money back…genius!! There is a hotel close to here which provides champagne for £500 a bottle….and apparently they sell lots of it…..sad isn’t it? ...The witch hunters are out in force….Edward Heath has been accused of inappropriate behaviour with children….the guns are out…all over the papers…all over the news….despite NO ACTUAL EVIDENCE as yet….plus the fact that the bloke has been dead for 10 years…..so what is the point of all this?….when the police fail to investigate a car crash where two people were trapped in a car for three days…and both died…one would think that priorities seem to have gone astray somewhere. Not to mention the valuable members of the House of Lords getting £300 a day for just turning up and doing a U-Turn and going home….£300 a day for NOTHING….I wish someone would tell me what purpose they serve while they are snoring away with their daily wad….WHAT A BUNCH OF FREELOADERS!!...the country’s full of them. ..Sport has taken a dive….since the 2012 Olympics less and less people are getting involved in sport….they reckon we are losing interest….the answer is simple….let’s get back to educating kids that sport is about WINNING not “just taking part”….these days there can be no winners and no losers…everyone must be involved…TRIPE!!...unless they include throwing the beanbag in the Olympics we may as well count ourselves out….let’s teach kids to WIN and not to stop until they do….that’s SPORT….the rest is simply exercise. ....and finally the country is mourning the sad loss of Cilla….I don’t think she realised how popular she was….it’s a real shame as she was a true star…sadly I never met her but watched her rehearsing for a show on a local theatre and she was laughing and joking with the band….and I once saw her in panto….a sad loss indeed…a Liverpool lass through and through…she’ll be missed…

The song I’ve sent you this week is ANOTHER football song….again I found this in a drawer and must admit I laughed my head off…I had totally forgotten about this…it was a song called “We’re All Going To The Match” and I did it for Radio City when Liverpool played Everton in the cup final back in the day….I got Pauline Daniels in to do the girl’s part….as I recall we couldn’t do it for laughing…but we eventually got there…definitely a classic. We are all very proud of Chris Froome after he won the Tour de France….brilliant….and what a shower of miserable losers the French turned out to be….I’d like to see them spit at Mike Tyson if he cycled past….there’s a show right there!! It’s hard to imagine how hard that race is…the lad was brilliant as were the rest of the team….and it will help the sport as we only take notice when we win something.. The only thing the French are good at is striking and disrupting thousands of people’s lives….if this was an Olympic sport they would get the gold every time. When I heard 69 year old Lord Sewell from the house of Lords was caught snorting Cocaine with a bunch of prostitutes I though WOW rock and roll or what…then I saw him….He looked like the uncle you hate…whatever he is he aint a rock star. This just displays the brain power of these idiots in high places….he’s making a fortune for doing very little and he has to do something stupid like this….but as usual nothing will happen…he will resign and get another cushy number in the government no doubt….what a wonderful set up we have in this country. As there was absolutely NOTHING worth watching on the TV at the weekend I watched The Jeff Lynne Concert at the BBC…which I recorded a while back….he performed all those great E.L.O. numbers backed by the full orchestra….what a sound….fantastic. I regard Jeff as one of…if not THE best musicians of our time….his stuff is consistently brilliant…and he came over as being a bit blown away by it all. I have been fortunate enough to do concerts with a full band a vocal backing groups….it is like riding on a wave of sound…there is nothing quite like it…and at that level it must be mind blowing. Wirral is going to have a fabulous new golf complex…..it will be built by the Royal Liverpool in Hoylake….and they have Jack Nicklaus on board who I assume will design the course. All very nice for those who play golf or can AFFORD to play at this sort of venue….but as yet there has been no mention of COST……it’s amazing how money can be found for these massive ventures and yet the council have to make drastic cuts in staff because of the apparent lack of it. Next will be the usual “It will bring money into the area”….oh sure….it wont go into MY pocket…or the pockets of the employees clinging on to their jobs…..but no doubt mansions will be purchased on the profits. What I can’t understand is how many golf courses do we need….there are about 20 courses in a relatively small area….and that strip of coast has The Warren…The Wallasey…Leasowe….The Royal Liverpool and the Hoylake Municipal….virtually side by side.

WE ARE THE ROVERS !!!!....this is a song I wrote for Tranmere Rovers round about 1979……The idea was to get the players into a studio and record the ones who could sing….sadly none of them could so this version (which was the original demo) was used. It was played every week at the home games and on the coaches for away games…..years later I was warbling away in a local restaurant where I was resident and a crowd came in and recognised me…they were Rovers supporters and got me to sing this….I just about remembered it….such is fame. You gotta laugh at some sad folk….I was watching the Open Golf and during the playoff they had a shot of one of the wives to which Peter Allis commented…”If he sinks this she’ll get a new kitchen”…WHO !! you can’t say that…there was a sunami of feminists complaining….Allis should know that it’s O.K. for women to skit at blokes and make sexist remarks BUT NOT THE OTHER WAY ROUND!!!...shame on him…I do think it’s about time these women got over themselves…but there you are. Also on a more sombre note a young girl threw herself in front of a train in London and an onlooker was interviewed and said how disgusted he was with the attitude of so many people…complaining that they would be late for work…which just about sums up the majority of the population. I am in demand at the moment…there are two record companies who want to release my Adrian Street classics on vinyl….one is in this country and another in the States…all very nice but I’ve heard it all before…just get on with it guys and send me the money,,,,,so watch this space….has the world finally caught up with us? Seagulls are now in the firing line….they are spoiling people’s holidays in Truro…they dive bomb and pinch their pasties…boo hoo….a cull has been suggested…what a load of wimps we are becoming. The seagull is a magnificent creature…the perfect flying machine and my favourite bird….they are only nasty when they think their chicks are threatened….it’s not too difficult to keep your pastie covered up…or maybe it is for some of the neaderthals wandering around……if you hold a piece of bread up over your head they will take it without touching your fingers…they are wonderful….so leave ‘em alone. There is a new programme on TV about look-alikes…I must say it was very funny….it’s about a lookalike agency run by a Ricky Gervais lookalike….there’s Joanna Lumley,Will Smith.Mr.Bean’David Beckham and a few more …good stuff for a change….let’s hope the standard is kept up for future episodes.

The song I have sent you this week came from an idea I had when getting off the train in Liverpool and saw this guy busking in the subway….it’s called “Subway Songman”. Sugar is on the menu this week…every time you turn on the TV or the radio we are getting reports of record tooth decay in kid’s teeth…all because of sugary fizzy drinks. It’s a miracle how guys of our age survived….I remember having sugar butties when I was a kid…and drinking gallons of lemonade…and I’ve still got my teeth….they are saying that some kids have to have ALL there baby teeth out….and so the scare mongering continues…and the dentists get richer….any day now we’ll be back to the old humbug of lead in toys…it’s about time that cropped up again. Some genius has worked out that supermarkets are misleading us with their pricing….wow there’s a surprise….isn’t it called “business” …and if they can legally get away with something they will…apparently they are saying that things are reduced when they are not….this has always been the case….the way the law used to be was you had to sell something at a certain price for 28 days before you could drop the price and call it a “reduction” or “Sale…you could then only sell it at the new price for 6 months before it was no longer a reduction or a sale…get it?...confused?...yeah so is everyone else…which makes one ask how these carpet firms have sales which go on forever? The BBC have come under attack because they are going to put the licence fee up for those on a high salary or something…they are complaining that people are not watching TV…they watch their iPads etc….it has been suggested that they put adverts on which would subsidise the money they waste…..but this was instantly rejected. What they need to do is put something on which is WATCHABLE instead of the tripe we are constantly subjected to….last Saturday I watched The John Bishop Show….oh dear … this was about as bad as it gets…I like JB but he should go into acting because he isn’t funny…and the up and coming “comedians” he has on are bysmal….annoyingly so……HOWEVER after thinking comedy was dead and buried I watched Frank Skinner’s “man in a suit” stand up and laughed for the whole hour…he is so funny and clever….he should run classes for all the modern rubbish comics and show them how it’s done. I was delighted to see Tommy Steele on The One Show…..he is 78 and looks great…..he really should be knighted….back in the day he was the only original pop star we had in this country…all the others were Elvis clones….Tommy had his own style and has worked the big Christmas shows ever since….I’ve got a lot of time for him and wish I’d had the opportunity to meet him. But alas like Doddy he has sadly been overlooked….much better to give knighthoods to those who really deserve it…like Jimmy Savile or Rolph Harris?

.The song this week is a live version of Ricky Nelson’s Travellin’ Man which was recorded a few years back when I was in concert with James Burton…the guy who played on Ricky’s records…he is over here again and I’ll be working with him again this weekend…I’ll be singing 14 Ricky Nelson songs….I’ll also be interviewing him before the show…all good stuff. We have had a run through the stuff with him and it’s sounding good….got a great backing band who I’ve worked with before. Every Wednesday night we have a jam session which raises money for sick kids…it’s called The Cheshire Cats and ever so often we have a guest band…this week we had a Viking invasion…we had a band from Denmark called Chimbo’s Revival (look them up on the net)…and they were great….the singer even had a Bill Haley kiss curl….they had the place rockin’….the selection of songs was spot on. On the sport scene there was big excitement over our ladies getting to the semi final of the World Cup….then in true English fashion we blew it in the dying minutes…DOH!! And the tennis is in full flight at Wimbledon….with all hopes pinned on Andy Murray….who is BRITISH when at Wimbledon….but I think he’ll have to go some to beat Jockovic….I played tennis at club level for many years so I know how good these players are and I enjoy watching it all…what I don’t need is John McEnroe rambling on….putting his own pronunciations to various names…e.g.JOEkavic…I find it irritating…let’s just watch the game eh. These French strikes a re a disgrace…..there should be a law forbidding this sort of behaviour….they are holding people who are not involved to ransome….they may have their reasons but to disrupt thousands of lives is sickening…and they do it every year…..they disrupt road traffic,ships and flights … and at a time when there has been loss of life…they should be ashamed … and all given life sentences…it’s a shame we have to travel over their country otherwise I say bankrupt the lot of them. 5.The BBC is commenting on the drop in people paying for TV licenses….apparently folk are watching stuff on their iPhones and IPlayers…..perhaps if the Boring Broadcasting Company gave us watchable programmes things would be different … television in this country has hit an all time low…you might as well stare out of the window. What is needed is proper professional staff who KNOW what entertainment is….I think the majority of the workforce have just left school…..I waved a fond farewell to comedy years ago.

The song I have sent you this week is called “More Than A River” and was featured in Radio Merseyside’s tribute to The Mersey….Billy Butler did a live programme from the promenade in new Brighton and gave me a ring and asked me if I would come along and play one of my songs of the river live….couldn’t do it at the allotted time as we were presenting a cheque for £3000 to a local children’s hospice called Claire House…this was on behalf of The Cheshire Cats which is our local organistion which raises money for sick kids…. Some interesting news this week….the police have been criticized for spending time on stupid complaints…for example a woman complained that someone in her sons school rubbed nettles on his arm and he got a rash… Talking of the shortage of money….we can’t afford to pay nurses a decent salary…we can’t afford to make houses affordable…etc…YET the THREE BILLION to renovate the Houses of Parliament will be found… If The Houses of Parliament are such an iconic tourist attraction why not just let it stand and build a church hall for the politicians to fall asleep in?... And speaking of money well spent I wonder how the satellite with the dud batteries is getting on on that comet?. There has been a increase in fatal traffic accidents recently….the news reported this week that a car ploughed into a bus queue killing several people including two kids….the car was allegedly doing 70 mph and driven by a 24 year old….who I think had no insurance and has got a three year sentence…. .... lastly there was some bloke who put his wedding photos on twitter or facebook showing him in tears because he was so in love…then came the lowlifes out of the woodwork with horrible nasty comments…

The song I have sent you this week is another I have found in my drawer...it is entitled “Deep In My Heart Is Texas”…and is one that got away….it was one of the few collaborations I have been involved in over the years….this stemmed from and idea a friend of mine had…her name is Patricia Knapton….and she came up with the title and a few ideas…I thought the finished job was pretty good but it wasn’t to be….people didn’t GET the title….maybe this play might bring it to someone’s attention….Wagons HO !! 2.It is 800 years since the signing of Magna Carta…(not THE Magna Carta we’ve been told…just Magna Carta)…so there has been quite a lot of fuss on the TV….it’s one of those dates I never forgot…”King John at Runnymede in 1215”….many years ago I went to Sunbury on Thames to visit a relative and he took me to Runnymede .. and in those days it was just like a bandstand in a big field…and I remember thinking “Blimey this is where it all began”….it looks a bit different now…I also remember I was wandering round London in 1968 and you could walk down Downing Street and virtually stand outside number 10…how times have changed. 3.There was a very interesting guy on the TV who has his own show … he is called “The Man of STEAL”…and is a professional pickpocket and shows you how easy it is to get robbed….he had a guy standing in front of him and virtually emptied his pockets without him even knowing….people don’t give credit to how clever some of these thieves are…they can even get your credit card number through your pocket with some device or other…brilliant….I’ve known of friends who have lost everything at airports…so a bit of education is definitely needed. 4.As you know I play golf and do a bit of sailing…so I tend to watch the weather forecast on the tele in the morning….lately they have been nowhere near…especially the BBC. One day last week the forecast was blanket rain….not a drop….and gusty south easterly winds….they came from the south west….and sometimes the local forecast bears no resemblance to the national one…and when they get it completely wrong all we get is “Oh we really got it wrong yesterday” followed by a few giggles…..I doubt whether people who plan their day on their predictions find it funny….considering the millions of pounds worth of gear they have they should do a lot better….they couldn’t predict nightfall….in any other job they would be sacked for incompetence…except bankers…they can lose all your money and reward themselves with big bonuses apparently. There is a place on Wirral called the Proudman Oceanic Laboratory who can predict the exact times and measurements of high and low tides for the year ahead…maybe they should take over the Beeb. 5.Midge Ure was on TV this week talking about the music industry…very interesting….he says the industry as we know it is finished and the only way to make money is to go it alone…which is what I decided 35 years ago….he has been giving talks in America to young musicians and organised his own tour…even to the stage of personally getting his money for the gig. What the X Factor kids don’t seem to realise is that it’s a BUSINESS and whatever YOU make someone else will be making a lot more….the glamour soon goes out the window….it’s 5% show and 95% business…get that in your head and you may end up like Simon Cowell.

This week’s song is called “Laughter is Everything to Me” and was written for my old mate Pauline Daniels back in the day. Pauline has a great voice but she decided to turn to comedy (and did very well) so I wrote this song for her act…the lyrics get the message over and she sings it great ….I used to enjoy recording with her as she was such a good laugh. She hasn’t been too well of late but I think she has recovered…. Sad to hear of the death of Christopher Lee….he was the ONLY Dracula….this was the first horror film I ever saw…I was 13 and sneaked in (as it was an X)…I have never been so frightened…I saw it TWICE and still got the jitters even when I knew what was coming…a classic film. He was one of those characters who made the part his…there is only ONE Superman…Christopher Reeve….only one Batman…Adam West…and only one real James Bond…Sean Connery…all the others are imposters….speaking of Batman… Adam West was doing a book signing in Liverpool in the 90s so I popped along got in the queue bought his book got it signed and shook his hand…I couldn’t resist and said “I’d like to thank you for all the good work you did in Gotham City”…he said “..sure thing” and instantly dismissed me….but I shook Batman’s hand !!!!! 3.The Government are talking about banning homework from junior schools….I didn’t even know they did homework…we never did (which probably explains a lot). They reckon it is making youngsters stressed…I couldn’t agree more…mid you these days they would spend their time on their computers and mobiles…I say ban homework and force them to play out in the street…then they might learn how to enjoy life. There is a move afoot to prosecute nuisance callers who constantly try to sell you things over the phone…it apparently affects a lot of older folk who feel intimidated. This is a good move and needs sorting….personally I never have a problem as I have an instant two word response (which I can’t repeat…but I think you can guess)…it seems to work….one guy suggested answering in an Icelandic accent asking them to constantly repeat the question…but I haven’t got that sort of time…my way takes 2 seconds. 5.The news has been covering (so to speak) the girl who had her picture taken naked on the top of a Malaysian mountain …very strange…the locals have accused her of offending the mountain Gods…and could cause an earthquake…..I’m sure the young lady meant no harm but it’s a strange situation when looked at through Western eyes…I’m all for respecting the beliefs of others…it’s a shame some of the immigrants who come into this country don’t feel the same.

The song I have sent you this week has a tale attached to it which you couldn’t write….It’s called “Small Town Cowboy” and I was commissioned to write and record this for a guy called Brian “Sundance” Brooks back in the day…he had a shop which sold cowboy gear in Birmingham called “Urban cowboy” and I was informed he was going to put on a huge western show in one of the arenas…bringing over all sorts of stuff over from the States….so I came up with this song…the original title being Urban Cowboy….and on the label it was “sung” by Mr.Brooks….there were all sorts of big companies involved but after meeting “Sundance” I requested my money upfront (a habit of mine)…got paid and sorted out the record….only to be informed that Brian had absconded with a few million in his hired Rolls Royce. I gave the 500 records I had pressed to a local charity and that was that….I think I was the only one who got paid…..hence the change of title…that’s showbiz. .I watched the news coverage of the Britains Got Talent show….apparently the winner had a dog act and used TWO dogs…OH NO….this could be the end of the world…and of course everyone jumps on the bandwagon…but she got to keep the winnings,,,and the guy who came second did a card trick (which I saw and was well impressed} but all the knowalls were ringing in saying they saw a hole in the bottom of the lemon he used in the trick…IT’S A TRICK MORONS !! just go along with it. I know several good card tricks and when you do them there is always someone who has to try and be clever…just enjoy the trick. Alton Towers has been in the news with a nasty accident on one of the rides….these things happen…fortunately there were no fatalities but it wont do business any good…and why they have to have endless news bulletins from outside the closed gate is beyond me,,,.I once wrote a song about Alton Towers and sang it with my session singer Sue Young…I took the completed job to them and they bought it from me lock stock and barrel,,,it was used on their radio and TV adverts with Terry Wogan doing the voiceover. This was shortly after they opened. There is a big increase in the number of pubs closing down….there are many things getting blamed but you have to move with the times if you want to survive…drinks are to expensive in pubs and personally I prefer to drink at home…and when I do go out I go to Wetherspoons which has great food and drinks and is CHEAP….that’s why it is always full. Maybe the average pub can’t compete I don’t know but if one pub charges £2.80 for a pint and another charges £1.99 where am I going to go? ...... along with good quality Wetherspoons have free wifi….it really is no contest…sad but that’s business. .....and finally….the FIFA saga is all over the news and is very entertaining…old Sepp has decided to stand down..I wonder why…and Jack Warner is going to blow the gaff…he has done very well since Dixon of Dock Green…Evnin’ all….what is a disgrace is this has been going on for years with no-one doing anything about it…including us lot…and it takes the FBI to intervene…..and suddenly all the sponsors are pretending to be shocked…as if they didn’t know. The amount of money these crooks make is obscene…especially when there are those starving in the world…I hope they all get life sentences.

.The song I have sent you this week is the original demo for a song I wrote for Penny Page and Googi the Liverpool Duck….I wrote several songs for her all of which she recorded…this one was a B side. You will appreciate it’s Liverpool appeal….it’s called “I’d Like To Be a Cowboy”…the words were changed to suit Googi…ie “Cowgirl”…but this demo is what they worked from on the record…..don’t say I don’t send you unique stuff. Now then…The Eurovision….I really don’t know why we bother….it wouldn’t matter what song we entered we would still be bottom of the pile. Can’t we see that other countries simply don’t like us?…what is annoying is we put in a lot of money (wonder where it comes from) hence our direct line into the final…the song wasn’t that bad…certainly 10 times better than 90% of the others…even better than the winner in my opinion….pure politics…..the bookies were offering 80 to 1 on us winning…I thought it might be worth a quid….it wasn’t. The only answer is to let them get on with it….then the results wouldn’t be so painful to watch. A law is about to be passed which will involve a £1000 fine for people who drop litter….what we are not told is WHO is going to enforce it?...the amount of the fine still wont make any difference to the lowlifes who don’t give a monkeys….the main offenders are teenagers so who do they think will pay the fines?…it wont be them….perhaps if they installed more bins around the area and got some of the community service criminals to empty them it might help….. I watched Sunday Night at The Palladium for the first and last time….Jason Manford reminding us that humour has finally died in this country and a “new” comedian who re-inforced it…plus a selection of variety acts who get about 5 minutes each…awful…..then we have the same old faces on all the time…Ant and Dec....I started to watch a new series called SunTrap starring Bradley Walsh….couldn’t take more than 10 minutes…it was TERRIBLE…so I turned over to ITV and guess what there was a programme about the history of game shows…presented by Bradley Walsh…who is also on a Saturday night load of rubbish called Play The Whistle AND he’s in the drama Law and Order…that’s apart from being on every night in the Winter on The Chase…he’s probably a nice chap but I’m sick of the sight of him…give us a break let’s have some new faces. I think all those involved in TV production should go back to school and learn what entertainment actually is. I had to laugh at the news footage of the Liverpool Football Team enjoying their holiday in Dubai (?)….all dancing around led by Steven Gerrard…the recent 6 goal thrashing didn’t seem to be bothering them…mind you when you are on 100 grand a week who cares?...the fans should have been given a full refund. Then there’s Sepp Blatter…oh dear…he had no idea that 7 of his staff were ripping off the world….yeah sure…..football is becoming a joke I’m afraid.

The song I’ve sent you this week is a demo from way back with an interesting tale….I originally wrote it for Cannon and Ball who I understood liked it but I didn’t like hanging about in those days waiting for people to make their minds up…so I dropped a cassette of the song off at one of our local theatres where The Krankies were performing….soon after I got a nice letter from them saying they would like to put the song in their act….so there I was watching the Royal Command on the Palladium and on they come and sing the song….they also did it on several TV shows….about 10 years later I was on the same show as them and made myself known and we became good friends and I have been writing songs for their pantomimes ever since….never heard from Cannon and Ball….I think they recorded “Wind Beneath My Wings” instead,,,which got nowhere…shame. .There are moves afoot to teach young learner drivers how to drive properly….as there have been so many accidents with newly qualified drivers……this has to be a good thing because the quality of driving…especially from the young…is terrible….they are also considering halving the drink drive limit….not before time I got done a few years back for speeding (35 in a thirty limit)….and I had a choice pay the 60 quid fine and get three points on my licence…or pay 90 quid and go on a course and not get the three points….so off I went on the course with the intention of letting them know I was a professional driver with 45 years experience and NO-ONE could tell me how to drive….how wrong I was….the course was brilliant and I learnt so much…THIS is what is required for everyone as far as I’m concerned….then perhaps some of these would be would Lewis Hamiltons may live longer. I watched a programme on 20 things which rocked the world…..we were reminded of Diana’s crash….the sinking of the Belgrano….the Lockerby disaster…and quite high up the list was DAVID BECKHAM’S alleged affair with Rebecca Loos….so this amazing,unbelievable event ROCKED THE WORLD!!!....am I missing something??? here’s me thinking Beckham is an over-rated,overpaid so called celeb with not a lot of brain cells married to another celeb who needs to EAT!!!.....but there you go…I MUST be wrong....and that is why journalism is in the state its in….I doubt if anyone could care whether Mr.Beckham slept with the Queen of Sheba. Then we have Sterling who wants to leave Liverpool because he’s not happy with his 100 thousand pounds a WEEK…I’m sure the queue for the food banks will be delighted for him. I hate to say it but I do enjoy the Eurovision….it’s a great spectacle and we don’t have to endure a bunch of talentless plonkers passing judgement….I quite like our entry although it’s a bit dated..but that could be a good thing….I haven’t seen it performed which is usually what it’s all about…as with the bearded lady….no doubt the vote will be political as usual but it’s still good entertainment…ANYTHING but Britain’s Got Talent!!....however I have seen half of one of the semi finals…..I couldn’t face the second half…so I might be switching channels ... finally…this weekend the THREE QUEENS will be sailing down the Mersey….and I am NOT talking about You,Me and Dave O’Connor!!!....it’s The Queen Victoria,the Queen Elizabeth and the Queen Mary…so there will be a lot of spectators along both sides of the River….it should be a great spectacle…. .... there was a strange case of a firm being taken to court because they refused to make a wedding cake for a gay marriage….they said it was against their Christian belief…and the court ruled in favour of the customers….saying the firm were discriminating against gays…..what a load of tripe…..a contract is made when you purchase something…there has to be an offer and acceptance….the offer is not made by the seller as everyone thinks…they merely display their wares and invite the BUYER to make an offer which they can either accept or refuse…that’s it….the firm should have just said “no” and that would have been that…there doesn’t have to be a reason….so the court got it wrong I’m afraid.

We are rehearsing for the upcoming show with James Burton….his son isn’t well by all accounts but hopefully he’ll be O.K. by July….the song this week isn’t one of mine (sadly) but it’s part of the live concert I did with James a few years back…it’s one of Ricky Nelson’s classics….listening to it brought back a lot of memories. I watched the VE Day Concert last weekend and was blown away….I thought it was sensational…the orchestra were top of the range as were most of the artists…the sound man should be knighted…it was brilliant and very moving….I felt the rendition of “You’ll never walk alone” at the end by Alfie Boe and Katherine Jenkins was a bit misplaced….the song was written in 1945 when the war was over…but maybe Alfie is promoting his latest CD?...apart from this I thought the show was outstanding. Then we have the mindless morons who always appear from under the nearest stone with the slightest excuse to have a stupid demonstration over the election result…part of which was to daub graffiti on the memorial to the women who played their part in the war….spraying “Tory Scum” along with an expletive on the memorial…THESE are the dopes who the heroes were fighting for…makes me sick….it achieves absolutely nothing ….and sadly we have to wait another million years for them to evolve. Art has been on the news this week with a Picasso fetching 120 million quid…very nice…considering a sixth former could do better….apparently these things are purchased as an investment…in 10 years it will be worth twice that….but it doesn’t work with cheap paintings…you have to be a billionaire to double your money…so that’s O.K. then……..then we have the wonderful Turner Prize…we’ve had the unmade bed…now we have the street in Liverpool which up until recently was derelict and run down….causing the council to sell off the houses for ONE POUND….but they have grown a few hedges and grass and it’s up for the famous Turner Prize…am I missing something here?. ....and speaking of billionaires I have been watching the Cannes Film Festival with all the stars including Cheryl Cole…who proves beyond a shadow of a doubt that you can get anywhere with absolutely no talent. Lastly….we must all feel sorry for Kevin Pieterson who can’t get into the England cricket team…despite scoring a record 350 in one innings for his county….but the selectors don’t like him…boo hoo he’s not my friend…for Heaven’s sake cricket is by far the most boring sport under the sun and that’s when you are WINNING !!....these guys get very well paid and why I’ll never know….yawn yawn. Oh and congratulations to Ant and Dec for getting another BAFTA award….one day we will be able to turn the TV on and they wont be there looking back at us…but not at the moment.