Don Woods

The song this week is a demo I found in the drawer which I had forgotten about….it’s called “Nosey Parker” and was a song I wrote for The Krankies a while back….it was for their panto where Janette played Pinocchio and sang it in the show….I remember her saying how they laughed at the way I sang “church”…and “perch”. I have written a lot of songs for them over the years but I have only seen them do one live….it was for a show in Blackpool where she wanted a mickey take of “I’m a Barbie Girl”….I came up with “I’m a boobie Girl”…which involved Jan coming on with these enormous inflatable boobs which went bigger and bigger as the song went on…it was hilarious. The floods have been unbelievable in Cumbria….people losing everything… I’m wondering whether all those countries we send money to will be having a collection for these poor folk….I very much doubt it. People have to place their belongings outside their property so the insurers can check….and there have been reports of some of it being stolen by organised looters … some really nice people around eh? One man was moving his furniture out and left his sons wheelchair on the pavement…and it was stolen by a passing car…even if you catch this scum they will probably get away with a warning….they should string them up in the street and hand out baseball bats.. Also in the Midlands there have been workers trying to get the power back into the town and…wait for it….parking attendants are slapping tickets on there cars while they are working…great stuff eh? I’m all for legal parking but when roads are under 4 feet of water I think a little bit of common sense is required…..the council however are apparently panicking to waive the fines…out of embarrassment….problem is you give a moron a bit of power and it goes to their head. I went over to Liverpool last Tuesday afternoon and the place was buzzing…..the atmosphere was electric….there were groups busking in the streets….top quality stuff too…and there’s even an outdoor ice rink down by Albert Dock….I met up with a pal of mine and we went for a pint and a bite to eat in The Pumphouse in Albert Dock…which you will know…and the value was top notch…hence the place was full. It’s nice to see the City doing so well…it’s a pleasure to go there. A few years back I decided to finish gigging…after my 50th consecutive new years eve bash….so going out is no longer an option….nice meal…bottle of wine … and a bit of telly. Looking back to the days when my band played from 8 til 2 in the morning I shudder. I watched the fireworks on TV at midnight … I wondered how much that lot cost?....and how about the high rise in Dubai going up in flames?...what is it made of balsa wood?

The song I’ve sent you is a live recording of part of a concert I did a few years back with James Burton at the Floral Pavilion New Brighton….James was the guitarist on Ricky Nelson’s records in the 50’s and early 60’s and backed Elvis during his Vegas years…I was a huge fan of Ricky mainly because of the great guitar solos on his records .. so to eventually have the privilege of performing his songs with my guitar hero was a bit special…I have since done five concerts with the great man the latest being last July at Fort Perch Rock in New Brighton where we did 14 Ricky hits with those stunning solos….he is a great guy and a pleasure to know….this is “Hello Mary Lou” 2.The BBC have brought back the chat show where Claire Balding interviews sports personalities….sadly it doesn’t work….whereas I like Claire Balding very much she struggles to get any entertainment value out of her guests…sports stars are not showbiz….they should stick to what they do…it’s like those dreadful records footballers used to make (e.g. “Hoddle and Waddle)…they should not be let within a mile of a recording studio….they would have enough to say if Tom Jones turned out on the wing. I once composed a song for Tranmere Rovers…we got the players into the studio to sing it … resulting in MY demo being released….case closed. 3.I also watched the live performance of “The Sound Of Music” on ITV….it was brilliant…and LIVE!!...tough call that one…I think this will get plenty of awards…and I also enjoyed the documentary on the “Take That” tour….I was knocked out….the amount of effort put into the show was staggering….they certainly set the bar very high. Take That are an out fit I don’t want to like….but I can’t help it. 4.There has been a spate of programmes looking back at the sixties and seventies TV….and how un P.C. it all was….this was before the P.C.Brigade rose up and killed entertainment….I accept that through young eyes some of the antics on these programmes must seem pretty unbelievable but what is annoying is the likes of Biggins and some of the older female presenters looking totally shocked when watching it….they were there!!!...what’s the big surprise?..... Having said this we still have some funny comedians…Peter Kay being one of them…there was a great documentary on him the other night…he is very clever. Then at the other end of the spectrum we have John Bishop with his own show….oh dear. 5.I used to video the annual nativity for a primary school where my son was a teacher….and one year it featured two little 8 year old girls playing their violins…it was so bad I suggested to the parents that I send the clip to You’ve Been Framed….it was accepted and was featured on the Christmas special….we were invited to go along to the show and meet Lisa Riley etc….so the parents took their kids and I went with my wife…I got 250 quid which I split with the two kids….and I told them “no matter what road you take in life you can always say you played your violins on TV on Christmas day…AND GOT PAID FOR IT!!...and not many people can say that”……I wonder what happened to them?

To round off the Christmas play I have sent you two of the remaining songs….”Santa’s Song” and “In Me Christmas Stockin’”…..we have reached the stage where after our main hero Jimmy who doesn’t believe in Father Xmas wakes up on Xmas morning with no presents thus,to his mind,proving his point so he wanders round to his pals house to let him know he is right…meeting the milkman and the postman on the way…neither of whom can convince him he is wrong….he arrives at his mate’s to find him with all his presents….his pal then takes him down the road where Santa is just about to take off for home….he recognises Jimmy and tells him “if you don’t believe …you don’t get”….Jimmy apologises but Santa tells him it’s too late…he’ll have to wait til next year…Santa then sings his song explaining that it’s not just a once a year job.(Santa was played by my mate Carl Chase who can be seen in films like “The Mummy” and “Cut Throat Island”)….Jimmy is shattered….then suddenly he finds himself in his bedroom….he had been dreaming after all…AND he had a stack of presents….and his mum says she found a note on his pillow “I decided to make one more stop”…so WAS it in fact a dream?....the play finishes with Jimmy singing “In Me Xmas Stockin’”….. The play was broadcast by Radio City on two consecutive Christmas’s and was nominated for a Sony Award….it was taken up by many schools in the area which resulted in me writing two more follow ups. 2.I watched a programme on Ken Dodd…what an incredible man….to me he is the greatest entertainer the world has ever produced. Considering his age he is still at the top of his game….his contribution to show business is mammoth….and yet the powers that be have never awarded him a knighthood which he thoroughly deserves…maybe he is too funny (unlike the comedians of today) or maybe they are too busy awarding knighthoods to the likes of Jimmy Savile and Rolph Harris…to me he will always be SIR Ken Dodd. ….nowadays we have to put up with the likes of “Chattyman” Alan Carr squawking away with his unfunny gay inuendo 3.I read an article which made me smile….apparently Janette Tough who is Jimmy Krankie is to have a part in the “Absolutely Fabulous” film with Joanna Lumley and co doing their bit…Janette plays a Chinaman….but because her face is painted YELLOW…GOD FORBID…there have been screams of “RACIST!””….have you ever heard such absolute tripe…this P.C. lot need to get over themselves before they destroy comedy once and for all…it’s pathetic…it HUMOUR for heaven’s sake…..might as well cancel all pantos before some moron decides the dame is homophobic. Janette and Ian are friends of mine and they are a delightful couple who haven’t got a racist bone in their bodies….time some of our population got real. 4.On a similar subject…when you see these wonderful school Christmas plays and nativities what you are seeing a is a collection of young human beings who see each other as equal…there is no hatred no jealousy etc….the problem with the world today is the poison put into these innocent minds by parents who want to live through their kids. We go on about how kids should be taught when in fact they could teach us a lesson or two….maybe one day the world will see this. 5.We have had some very strange weather in this country lately….14 – 16 degrees in DECEMBER….warmest since records began…maybe I misheard our wonderful TV forecasters back in September when we were warned of temperatures of MINUS 30 degrees on their way…pretty close eh?...how much are these “experts” on again?....it’s very strange when blossoms are appearing on trees and daffodils are sprouting….personally I prefer the standard winter with a bite in the air. Had a stroll around the Chester wall this week…extremely quiet…I thought the shops would be heaving…not so…very strange….but very nice.

The song this week is the continuing saga of the musical I wrote for Radio City back in the 80s. So up to now Jimmy,who doesn’t believe in Father Christmas,wakes up to find he’s got no presents….so he sings “There’s No Santa Claus” (which you played a couple of weeks ago)…he then hot foots it around to his mate’s house to prove his point…on the way he meets the milkman who tries to convince him he’s wrong and sings “If you don’t believe in Father Christmas” (which you played last week)…he then continues on his way and bumps into the postman…played by the late Joe Butler….who sings this lament “Letter Box Blues”….the demo is very basic as a lot of schools wanted to do the play so I arranged the songs to suit a single piano. The Lake District has taken a hammering with the recent storms and floods….I was up in Kendal last week….just got out in time. As usual there HAS to be someone to blame….if it’s not the Government for not spending out on flood defences it’s climate change….next it’ll be diesel cars polluting the atmosphere…..there doesn’t seem to be an answer….the locals don’t want the flood barriers too high because it will effect their view …so where do you go….what seems to be lacking is the safety side of it….people wandering down flooded streets should have a stick or a branch to make sure they are not going to step down a grid and break their leg….but I do feel sorry for the locals…what a mess. Tyson Fury has upset the applecart with his comments about women and gays….I don’t know why these guys don’t just sit back and enjoy being champion of the world and keep their mouths shut….his father was bawling and shouting at an interview saying people should now bow down to him….it’s all a question of intellect I suppose…he is heavyweight champion of the world (at the moment)….don’t spoil it all by trying to be funny and clever….there’s a move afoot to remove him from Sportsman of the Year – might teach him a lesson. I remember when Daley Thompson won it and got up to make his speech and said an unnecessary rude word…and quickly corrected himself….obviously to amuse his mates….didn’t see a lot more of him after that…silly boy. There has also been a news report about football refs being verbally and physically abused by fans and players….it’s disgraceful….when you compare it with rugby…talk back to the ref and you are off!!...why can’t they do this with football….. perfectly describes the difference in mentality….the football fraternity are too busy shovelling money into their bank accounts….. and footballers are getting a bit too big for their boots….so to speak……they should learn to respect those who put them where they are. watched the Royal Command Performance during a baby sitting session….so there was no escape….OH DEAR. I thought One Direction were about as exciting as watching archery….and the comedians proved that comedy is DEAD and BURIED…..Jeff Lynne stole the show…which wasn’t difficult as the rest of it was awful…definitely time for old Elton to call it a day….and a bucket should be supplied for the constant creeping up to the royalty…and making “risky” jokes….sad. Even little Kylie was pretty bad (miming I think)….it was just dreadful…at least Sir Brucie and Sir Terry weren’t involved….that was one blessing.

The song this week is another from the musical I wrote for Radio City which was broadcast back in the 80s. the story so far….the main character Jimmy doesn’t believe in Father Xmas and has woken up on Xmas day to find no toys…so he sings the song you played last week (There’s no Santa Claus)…so he smugly goes round to his friend’s house to prove his point…on the way he bumps into the milkman (played by Paul Damian in the play) who tries to put him straight….to no avail…..this is the demo Paul and I worked from….next instalment next week…..exciting isn’t it? We have just been informed that Messi will be playing his football in Manchester….but he’s only getting paid 800 grand A WEEK……football really is becoming a joke. What is pathetic is there are no LOCAL lads in any of the teams….the game should be called “spot the Englishman”…..and they have the cheek to say it’s not the fans who are paying because the entrance fee is only a small percentage of the club’s income…..so why rip off the supporters with exorbitant prices? I quite enjoy watching football highlights on TV but I would never pay to see a game. 3.The X Factor is taking a bashing from the media….I don’t watch it…personally I find it the lowest form of entertainment….but it clearly shows the vulnerability of the sheep who do watch it…..and actually think they are part of it by VOTING…as if that makes any difference. I watched it years ago when it started until I was nearly sick….then I thought it MUST have improved so I watched the first one of this series…and I WAS sick….same old boring format…absolute drivel with Simon Cowell sitting there mentally counting his cash….a talent show judged by talentless people…unbelievable. Hey !! we have actually WON something….the cricket…which is about as interesting as a geology lecture…and The Davis Cup….which would be fine if Andy Murray enjoyed the moment instead of moaning about the lack of interest from our “up and coming” youngsters…..they showed the fabulous 2 million pound facilities we built after the Olympics….not a soul in sight…..I think the problem lies with the likes of Murray…he is BORING….youngsters want pop star type personalities as role models….not someone who sends you to sleep when being interviewed … for example Rafa Nadal….Roger Federer etc who are exciting and LOOK the part…Andy looks like he got his kit from a charity shop. 5.I hate to say it but I have been watching “I’m A Celebrity Get Me Out Of Here”…and REALLY enjoying it….the arguments between the infamous Lady C (who I had never heard of before) and the other participants is hilarious….and I’ve always been a huge fan of Chris Eubank….it’s classic television and even Ant and Dec are funny. It’s a programme you do not want to like but have no choice. Aparently Lady C is suing ITV because she was “bullied” while she was in the jungle…..great stuff….what was needed was Liam Gallagher in the mix….there’s a show right there.

The song I have sent you this week “There’s No Santa Claus”…is from the musical I wrote for Radio City in the 80’s. I revolves around a little kid who doesn’t believe in Father Christmas….he wakes up on Christmas Day and hasn’t got any presents…thus proving his point…he then sings this song which asks some good questions…he eventually finds out how wrong he is…but you’ll have to wait til next week for the next instalment. This was the demo the kid worked from….the backing is in his key….that’s my excuse. I watched One Direction on Jonathan Ross….I know I am from a different generation but I’m blowed if I can see what they have….they have sold millions of records so I am obviously wrong…they are so BORING ….For me “bands” have to PLAY….for example McFly or The Sterophonics etc….that’s talent…just don’t get these boy/girl bands who are totally dependant on musicians.........and I don’t know whose idea it was to have Piers Morgan on ITV Breakfast television….it’s like a punishment….he is unbearable….I’ve never heard such a false laugh….sorry…guffaw. The problem I have with modern music is the production is “compressed”…and the use of vocoders makes it all sound the same….come back good old reel to reel all is forgiven…..the days when you had to play all the way through and sing in tune without assistance. There was a recent discussion on TV regarding the cost of court proceedings…and how those who WIN their case are hit with huge solicitors bills. They had the MP who was recently accused of sexual assault….got cleared in court and ended up with a £130.000 bill from his barristers........This is the problem with this country….it’s the greed which goes un-noticed…especially in the legal profession….how can this sort of fee be justified…the bloke was INNOCENT!!! Now he’s virtually bankrupt........... It’s like these hotels who charge 14000 pounds a NIGHT to rich idiots who don’t know what to do with their money….pure scavengers…it’s a disgrace….and the rest of us are asked to send £3 to help an underprivileged kiddie. This week I went to see my old pal Monty Lister who is now in a care home….on the way I collected another good friend of mine called Cliff Crozier….who was a headmaster in various schools in my area. He was telling me about his intended trip to Canada and about his recent non-stop activities…including a presentation to him of a telegram from the Queen….yes Cliff is 100 years old !!...an absolute one-off…he was telling me about the protocol which has to be observed during the presentation….where “no speeches” should take place etc…however the mayor of Wirral decided he would make the presentation and jumped up and gave a speech…..no comment…..I took a photo of Cliff and put it on my website…check it out …. www.donwoods.co.uk.....He says age is just a number which you simply ignore. Monty Lister worked on Radio Merseyside,as you know,and was the first person to interview The Beatles….he became a friend of mine when I used to produce jingles for the station back in the day…he asked me if I would help him out with his Sunday morning programme….as I was out gigging on the two or three nights before I didn’t really fancy it…but he said it would only be for a few weeks….5 years later I was still there!! But in that time I accompanied him and did the sound on his many travelogues he did for his programme…they included day trips to the likes of Rome,Marakech,Norway,Venice etc etc….and as Cliff was always there as well we have plenty to talk about on our visits to him.

The song this week is a song is from a Christmas musical I wrote for Radio City in the 80’s…..this is the demo the cast worked from…..the kids in the play sang the song and the play was broadcast on Christmas day two years on the trot….it was also nominated for a Sony Award….the cast included Johnny Kennedy…Paul Damian…the late Joe Butler…Carl Chase… and others. The song also recorded by Penny Page and Googi on vinyl….the play went on to be performed by a lot of schools…all good stuff. ….A friend of mine told me her son and daughter in law went to Rome on their honeymoon….while they were at the train station he went to sort out the tickets and left her with the cases…she felt water dripping on her head so she looked up…when she looked down the cases had gone…passports the lot …. obviously some moron with a water pistol…. I saw her again this week and she told me the same couple were in Paris over last weekend…with their baby…talk about unlucky….it’s nice to see the support we are giving to the French during these terrible times…it’s hard to believe it all. ………I enjoyed the podcast you sent me with your Albert Lee interview….he is a great guitarist but as he says there are so many different styles so it’s impossible to be the best “overall” guitarist…Albert is a guitarists guitarist enjoyed mainly by those who know what to listen for….(the average audience don’t know the difference between Segovia and George Formby)…and his “first” instrument is the piano….so imagine how good he is on that…..to play with the likes of these guys is very special but as I’ve always said you have Vegas… or the local pub…same pressures different venue. But what is nice is the respect you get from these guys…because they don’t need to feed their egos….they understand the game. On the subject of musicians….Alexander Armstrong (from the “Pointless” quiz programme) has decided that he is one….he keeps appearing on TV going on about how he is a trained musician but decided to take up comedy in his 20’s…Hmm…plays a bit of piano which is O.K. then sings…which makes you realise why he took up comedy. And of course it has to be all the “swing” standards that only the Rat Pack do properly…it’s pretty bad…BUT his album has got into the charts which proves you can kid most of the people most of the time…but he wont make much as he doesn’t write the stuff…then we have Peter Andre with his “swing” album…same stuff…and he’s even worse….but no doubt the sheep who phone in their votes for “Strictly” will buy it….give us a break guys…give us something ORIGINAL !!

The song I’ve sent you this week is another from the Cheshire Cats album we did back in the day….it’s an oldie called “White Sports Coat” c/w “Butterfly” and is a track I produced for Derek Smith who was the founder of The Cheshire Cats…..he put a lot of work in to keep it all going and was a pleasure to know…he was a massive Elvis fan and used to dress up as the King and delight the crowd…sadly he is another one we lost a few years ago….he was my best mate and I miss him. Speaking of Elvis…Jonathan Ross had Prescilla Presley on his chat show…she is over here to promote a CD which features remasteredElvis tracks singing with the BBC Symphony Orchestra….she was very demure BUT also on the show was Danny Dyer who proved what an absolute YOB he is….playing the cockney “tough guy” with his unnecessary rhyming slang and bad language…poor old Prescill didn’t have a clue what he was talking about…then to top it all on comes Elvis Costello (complete with silly hat)….who Ross announced as “the greatest songwriter this country gas produced”….er….excuse me….I only know a few of his records…one being “Olivers Army”…and another “She”….neither of which he wrote….so forget Lennon and McCartney….or Tim Rice and Lloyd Webber…or Lionel Bart….obviously Jonathan is hearing something we aren’t…then they bring on the REAL Elvis’s guitar which Mr. Costello strums on and sings one of his own songs….proving he is definitely not the best songwriter or in fact the best singer…dreadful…felt sorry for Prescilla. The news covered a story this week about a lollipop lady who was sacked for waving at passing motorists….because the council had received ONE complaint….also a lollipop man was sacked for giving kids “high fives” as they went past him…from a similar complaint……this is according to the media….who only ever give one side of these stories so how true it is is debateable….however the fact that someone complained doesn’t surprise me…these people are out there looking for the slightest thing to complain about….e.g. a photo of Cameron NOT wearing a poppy……there should be a law forbidding these sad irritating types to ever leave their houses…they serve no purpose whatsoever to the human race. Another interesting news item featured a man who returned a lock to a locksmith because it was faulty….because of the way he was dressed the locksmith blew him a kiss and made some gesticulations…deeply “offending” the customer ON SEVERAL OCCASIONS……so much so he took it to court and was awarded 7000 pounds in damages…..apparently it’s the first case of it’s kind where nothing was actually said….what wasn’t explained was WHY he kept going back to the shop??....so it looks like we not only have to walk around with duck tape over our mouths…we now have to have our hands tied behind our backs…or we are in danger of being politically incorrect….is the legal system in this country serious??? And finally a classic….the BBC are asking the general public around the country to…wait for it….send in weather reports from their area….NOW I’ve heard it all….despite all the equipment the weather people have they very rarely get the forecast right…which is what we have discussed in the past…so this is the answer “we think people will be pleased to be involved” say the Beeb….nice cheap way out eh?....and people will get involved because they have nothing better to do….at least it might stop them complaining about lollipop ladies…..what a world.

The song I have sent you this week is another from the Cheshire Cats album we talked about last week….which we made back in the day….this song is “The Battle Of New Orleans” and is one I produced for my great mate “Skiffle” John Lomax…..who sadly passed away some time ago….I put the instrumentation together on the record…. John was a member of The Atlantics Skiffle Group who were one of the first in the area…I saw them in 1958 which was the first time I heard an electric guitar….they appeared on “Top Town” and John went on to make films…one featuring the final plight of Donald Campbell which won him an award….this led to a feature by the BBC called “Days Which Changed The World”…in which they used John’s footage and had an actor playing him. In 2001 I put a skiffle group together with him and we went to Finland to perform at a huge convention…..I loved John dearly and miss him very much. I just don’t get why certain so called celebs think they can sing those Rat Pack standards…..Peter Andre has brought out an album with a collection of them…WHY?...his version of “Come Fly With Me” is as bad as it gets…. Robbie Williams brought one out a while back….if they insist on swing music why not get some original stuff….if I want to hear that sort of stuff I’ll listen to Sinatra and his gang….who do it properly. And any day now we will be bombarded with all the stale played out Christmas songs….Kylie has just made a Christmas album of all the songs we are sick of hearing…WHY?....do something ORIGINAL!! I don’t know who puts certain people in positions where they can make major decisions….the latest classic is to turn off the street lighting in certain villages to save money….and…wait for it…they can put the lights on again if the locals pay for it….wait for it….7 PENCE a day each. You couldn’t write this in a comedy show……HELLO…street lighting keeps areas safe doesn’t it?.......oh sorry I forgot…we have to send billions overseas to help other countries…..I despair. The new James Bond film has been heavily covered by the national news….as has Adele’s new record….National News???....I don’t think so…..incidentally Daniel Craig is from Hoylake which is just down the road from me….one of the lads I play golf with knows a lad who went to school with him….said he was a bit of a wimp in school and never did any sport etc….his mate is now a mechanic and Dan is James Bond….how’s that for poetic justice. ……It’s Halloween time and the shops are doing well….I just don’t get Halloween….it was just a bit of duck apple in my day….all this trick and treating is something we ahave aquired from the States…like high fives etc….then we have Bonfire night where loads of kids will get injured….can’t wee the point of fireworks….or am I Mr. Bah Humbug?

The song this week is a track I put together for a Cheshire Cats album back in the day….”Route 66” …which unfortunately I didn’t write but I came across it in a drawer….it is performed by a band we put together for our weekly jam sessions….it was a three piece me on guit…my lad Steve on bass and vocals…and a young fellow called Andy Thory on drums…Steve plays a mean bass …he was a good player and was great to work with…even though he’s the fruit of my loins…..he had his own band called The Black Knights….we sold the album for charity and was very popular at the time….happy days. 2.Last Wednesday was “Back To The Future Day” because in the film trilogy they travel to 21st October 2015…..I remember thinking at the time that on that day I will have been married 43 years…and here we are. The films were absolutely brilliant and dare I say it…ahead of their time….I have the box set and watch it all from time to time … it really is a classic….and it is very interesting how accurate some of the predictions were….great stuff. 3.We have yet to hear of the plight of the chap in Saudi Arabia who was jailed for making beer…he was due to receive 200 lashes last I heard….I know that the laws of countries have to be obeyed but this is going a bit over the top….these places seem to be living in the dark ages….also there was a girl on “The Apprentice” who said she was a sort of pole dancer in Saudi….now they want her deported….it is ridiculous….but they have the oil !!!....what we need to do is find our own sources of energy and backheel the lot of them. 4.There has been a lot of coverage on the news about the bobby who got hit by a stolen van….and sadly died….this happened just down the road from where I live. The driver and his accomplice had burgled an estate agent and the police were giving chase…the bobby threw a tyre stinger on to the road and the van swerved and hit him…needless to say the local community were devastated…he was only a young chap with a family…..the burglars have been caught and are awaiting trial….I have said it for years that there isn’t enough deterrent…they should get life sentences….but they wont. 5.Last week we mentioned the sad passing of Kenny Johnson of The Hillsiders country band….Billy Butler did a fabulous tribute to him on his programme….he played an interview he had done with Kenny and played short exerpts from his many recordings….what a great singer he was….and he has played on the Grand Old Opry in the states along with many big names….I feel Kenny was a true legend who sort of slipped under the radar. And Tom Jones has been on talking about his book….I bet that’s a good read….AND he is still with his wife who he married at 16…..Rock on Tommy !!!... ….and finally the nanny state strikes again….there is a suggestion that a tax should be put on sugar…because we are all obese….Jamie Oliver being one of the leading lights…the fact that it is assumed that people need help to not eat sugar is pathetic….I’m not quite sure who these consumer protectors think they are.

We spent a few days in Lichfield in the Midlands and went to The National Arboretum which is a huge remembrance park for the fallen in the wars …this is our second visit and I find it deeply moving….thousands and thousands of names on display….but I do wonder why…such a waste. It’s a very flat part of the country and you need a lesson from Lewis Hamilton before you take to the road…..horrendous. Bit of sad news….my mate Harry Prytherch sadly passed away this week…..he was a great guy and a good friend…he was the original drummer with The Remo Four who were very big during the Merseybeat era…he will be missed by all who knew him. Also we have lost Kenny Johnson who was the singer in The Hillsiders….for my money the best country band Liverpool has produced…all sad stuff. On a lighter note I watched an interview with Ed Sheeran on TV….I am a great admirer of this fella….he really talks sense and has formed his own record label which is what I did back in the day….the ingredient required is belief…..I always had total faith in my songs and after receiving rejections from know nothing publishers I went it alone and proved them all wrong….the secret is knowing where to place the material. I also enjoyed watching an interview with Charles Aznavour….who is now 91…and still touring….again total belief….he said he was slated when he started but just kept going…rock on Charlie!! I thought “She” was an absolute masterpiece of a song…..wonderful lyrics. There has been a big fuss about kid’s clothing not being fireproof…despite passing various tests….again this is nothing new…every year this rears it’s ugly head when Halloween arrives. It’s hardly rocket science…GET IT SORTED!!…before any more kids get burned….or is money more important than kiddies lives? And speaking of ugly heads I’m getting a bit sick of Dom Littlewood the consumer champion…..bursting in on so called “rogue traders” together with a couple of security bouncers and a film crew….obviously trying to make a name for himself…..just leave it to the professionals Dom……he HAS made a name for himself with me….but it’s unprintable. Apparently “The Voice” is to be dropped by the BBC….due to budget cuts….I can think of a hundred programmes worse than this one….at least you have people who can sing judging the contestants…as opposed to the X Factor with people with no talent judging those who think they have……..and finally we have just been informed that Piers Morgan is to join the ITV breakfast show….which is bad enough with all the presenters giggling and talking over each other…now Piers…heaven help us all.

The song I’ve sent you this week is taken from a DVD I made about our River….the inspiration came from the view I had down the River from an early morning ferry boat I had to catch to Liverpool…the sun rises up over the Liver Buildings and illuminates the Wirral side of the river…beautiful….you’ll be able to relate to this. There was a big build up here for the “Supermoon” at the start of the week….it was going to be bigger than usual…and red….and you will see the shadow of the earth on it etc….and it will be on view at 3 o’clock. in the morning….which put a bit of a damper on it all….I actually got up to have a look…I’m not sure why as I couldn’t really care less…so up I gazed into the heavens and saw the normal moon. Next day there were displays of wonderful photographs on TV of this great event…which wont happen again til 2033 !!!.....not quite sure where I went wrong. On the same subject they think they have found water on Mars….WOW it’s all happening….then they were talking about the manned mission which will take a year to get there…then you have to get back…is it me or is there actually a point to all this?....we never hear about how much this is all costing…and whatever happened to the thing which landed on that comet just as the batteries went flat? Perhaps I’ve got it all wrong but wouldn’t the money be better spent on sorting thing out on THIS planet?....what I would like to know is what are they going to do when they land on Mars?.... The Beatles original contract with Brian Epstein…all signed and sealed…has been sold at auction for about 300 grand…I think they were expecting 500 grand….words fail me. I have my doubts as to whether it’s an investment….but The Fab Four seem to be going on forever…I remember when McCartney’s autograph was worth 70 quid…which is why he would never sign one…in fairness he would pose for a photo with you. There is still a big 60’s fad over here although some of the “I was there legends” are looking a bit worse for wear….which brings me to Paul Jones who is soon on locally with his blues band. There is a picture in the paper of them…Jones doesn’t look too bad but his band look like they have been exhumed. I remember back in the day John Lennon said “when I heard Paul Jones singing ‘I’ve been a bad bad boy’ I was nearly sick…when I SAW him singing it I was sick”….then on Top of the Pops Paul was asked what he thought of the Beatles latest double A side (I think it was Day Tripper) he said “one side is absolute rubbish and the other is sort of O.K.”…..a short time after he was in Liverpool to sign his book….guess what NO-ONE showed up….shame. Donald Trump has been in the news this week regarding his building of a golf course in Scotland…..the locals are not happy….the billionaire said it would bring millions of pounds into the area…which it hasn’t and it would create a thousand jobs…..250 actually….and the Scots are NOT HAPPY!!.....their views have been spoilt etc….and one old lady has taken it to court…good luck with that one… and finally…..a “cold call” centre has been fined a couple of million for annoying people….their 2 o’clock in the morning robotic phone calls have not gone down too well….the company are appealing against the ruling…sorry guys not a chance…I am delighted to say.

I have just got back from a few days in Caernarfon and did some walking around Snowdonia…which reminded me of the song I have sent you….The Legend of Prince Madoc. It’s a gentle song performed by my mate Paul Damian….it tells the story of how the WELSH discovered America 300 years before Columbus. I composed and arranged it in an acoustic style which works well. Volkswagon have been filling the news over here with their “cheating” regarding the emissions….again it’s GREED. As far as I am concerned they are the most overrated car on the road…and I’ve had two of them…I once bought a brand new VW Golf….worst car I ever had…RUBBISH….there was allsorts wrong with it from indicators not working to the automatic choke cutting out every day….later I bought a VW Caddy van which I used for the group…again load of rubbish….the exhaust disconnected on the motorway…and the back door had to be opened from the inside….I went to the dealer who said the whole mechanism needs replacing…120 quid….when I checked it out it was down to a small spring on the handle which had worked loose (about 2p) clipped it back on and all was well…so I hope VW get a roasting…I would NEVER entertain another one. I have been watching the breakfast show on ITV….or should I call it “The girlie show”….there is Kate Garraway AND Susanna Reid side by side reading the news both giggling and talking over each other…then they have the main news read by Ranvia Singh then it’s over to Lorraine for her show…all rambling on about how sexy David Beckham is….not forgetting the weather girl…oh yes and not forgetting the occasional BLOKE…..ONE person could do the lot. Trouble is if you turn to the BBC all you get is how they are trying to find cures for all sorts of illnesses etc…..or moaning about the NHS. Somebody once said of Little and Large…..Eddie Large should lose 9 stone…Syd Little…. Then I thought of who I wouldn’t miss if they were removed from my screen….Alan Carr with his dreadful chattyman show with his squawking and stupid cocktail cabinet and his unfunny gay inuendo which we are all sick of….the panel and the backstage families on the X Factor wouldn’t be missed…and we don’t need JUDGES…let’s just see the acts….and I certainly wouldn’t miss ALL the soaps. What they should have is a channel to put all this garbage on…then those who want to watch it can sit there with there eyes fixed on the screen and nothing going on in their head….then I would know what to avoid. 4.Roger Moore is about to go on the road with a sort of chat show where he tells the audience about his many anecdotes….he seems a very modest sort of chap and I remember him way back in the day as Ivanhoe…wasn’t mad keen on his James Bond but then I am not a Bond fan…he sure looks good for 88!!....speaking of which Daniel Craig comes from Hoylake and a chap I play golf with knows a bloke who went to school with him…said he was a bit of a wimp in school….didn’t do bad though did he? 5.I watched a very interesting documentary on George Martin….what an incredible talented man….he mentioned that when The Beatles were about to do their last album Lennon said to him “we don’t want any of your rubbish on it”…meaning orchestration….he seemed quite hurt…also Lennon was featured on another programme when he did that sick “clap your hands or stamp your feet” thing on stage supposedly mimicking the disabled….not funny….George Martin MADE the Beatles…..just about sums John Lennon up….I was never a fan.

… it’s all been happening this week….with the song I have sent you.I got a mail from 41 WMGT which is an American TV channel in Georgia asking if they could use my song and some of my YouTube clip for a news item on their channel. This came about after Liam Dutton did a weather forecast on the BBC and mentioned the village name faultlessly…and went viral. ...I gave them my blessing and they sent me the finished job which is brilliant…..since then I have had about 300 thousand hits on the YouTube clip …taking the total to well over half a million….and I have been flooded with new subscribers to my channel. This song just will not go away….I always said it was timeless. I watched a programme about TV in the 70s….and how UNBELIEVABLE things were said back then….how RACIST and SEXIST everything was. I find it hard to believe how far we have come BACKWARDS…..this was COMEDY and it was funny…very little was intended to be offensive…but of course someone is ALWAYS offended…and it always seems to be women…and I mean this in the nicest way…..unlike back then you can’t look at a womans cleveage…(which is on full display over a low cut dress)…without being a pervert…or make a comment without being regarded as SEXIST….but it seems O.K. for “Loose Women” to say what they like on daytime TV….not to mention twerking all over the place leaving very little to the imagination on pop videos….and there’s only one reason they do it…. Women are wonderful but they are not blokes…and it’s as if we have to apologise for that….99.9% of ladies have no problem…it’s just the odd few. Daley Tompson recently came under fire for saying that the girl who lost in the javelin in the world championships “threw like a girl”…OH!! how dare he say that…the fact that he added “instead of an athlete” was totally overlooked….it’s 2015 and I think you should get over yourselves girls and enjoy life….and perhaps leave the football and cricket to the blokes….oh sorry this is NOT the 70s…can’t say that. I watched Piers Morgan interview Lionel Richie about his life…purely because I like Lionel Richie…I don’t know how Piers gets away with it…if he’s not asking unnecessary personal questions he is howling laughing at nothing…maybe it’s me but I’d love to see someone punch him in the mouth…OOPS can’t say that…this isn’t the 70s. I do like Lionel Richie though….big talent and a nice guy. Another strange thing is the bloke who wanders up and down the country naked…known as the naked rambler….he has served a total of 10 years in jail over time….I just don’t get this at all…a mass murderer wouldn’t get much more….it’s as if he is giving away a great secret showing his parts…if anyone doesn’t know what they look like (and they are all the same) should go back to the planet they came from. I fail to see what harm he is doing and those holier than thou lot need to get a life….there is nothing more natural….10 years…very strange….very sad….they will be putting trousers on dogs next. His jail time has also cost the taxpayer a million quid…so we are told. The politicians are STILL fiddling their expenses after all the publicity…these are running the country…it really is pathetic and we now have Labour getting a new leader….blaming everything for their dismal performance in the last election….the answer is simple…Ed Miliband…simple as that…nice fella but zero charisma and a bit of a prat….politics is showbiz…the sooner they realise that the better….and to round off…I was watching Mathew Wright while I was away and he had a section of his show discussing the shortening of names…I always shorten names because it is a friendly gesture but Mr. Wright insists on being called MATHEW and not MAT !!.......

The song this week is one from the dim and distant past….it’s a tribute to The Royal Iris which graced the Mersey for many years….it was affectionately known as “the fish and chip boat” as there were many functions held on board where fish and chips were top of the bill…my band played on it on several occasions and on it’s last day of service I went down to Seacombe Ferry where it was moored and made a video…as I was the only one there I am the only one with footage of its last day…it is now rotting away down south somewhere….but it played a major part in the River’s history. Just when I thought television couldn’t get any worse I was unfortunate enough to watch the X-Factor under the misapprehension that it would have a new format…WRONG!!!...it was the same old drivel with the same old sob stories (which have no bearing on the act) with a gaggle of judges headed by Simon Cowell playing God…..with the contrived looks of surprise when someone delivers a reasonable performance which they MUST have seen in rehearsals….all that is required is to see the acts…we don’t need the camera,cutting to grandma and the whole family backstage every time their little darling hits a high note. There was a young guy on who was dedicating his song to a lost friend….with Cowell brushing away an imaginary tear…showing he does have a heart after all……..pass me the bucket…I need to throw up!!! It’s a big fat NO from me. I’ve just thought of a way to make an extra £300 a day….become an MP…build a moat….claim expenses for having it cleaned which guarantees you a seat in the House of Lords…job done…then all I have to do is make an appearance get my 300 nicker and do a U-Turn and go back home….to my moat. You couldn’t write this stuff….while they are building fences to keep out the immigrants they should build a 50 foot brick wall between us and the politicians….because we would get more sense talking to that. I think the government should have volunteered for this Mars project because they would fit in better up there than here. I have a good friend who is Indian and he tells me about the traffic in his country and there are 370 odd people killed on the roads EVERY DAY….this is more than those killed by terrorism or even wars….and this is a world problem…I’ve said for years that the police need to get a grip on this….but then we get the “lack of money” chestnut….I cannot see why cameras can’t be erected everywhere….with just a random selection working at any one time….THAT would slow the idiots down…AND it would make a fortune in fines…. Which links to the bus lane situation in Manchester….they have made 7 million pounds in fines over the last 5 years….2 million this year alone….of course this has caused an uproar…the answer is simple … don’t go into the bus lanes…the Liverpool Council have ceased the practice…maybe they should rethink. One of my pate hates from the past was The Monkees…I couldn’t stand those awful episodes where they were all trying to be funny…and failing…however I did like the songs because they had the help of REAL musicians….NOW they are over here (or two of them) to do a reunion tour….Peter Tork and Micky Dolenz have announced they are going to do some stadium gigs….they were on breakfast TV looking a bit worse for wear with Micky Dolenz still trying to be funny….not good….why do these so called pop stars have to try and be zany?...especially when they are dinosaurs….they are obviously short of a few bob….mind you the show should finish early so the audience can get back to the old folks home…..do me a favour lads…time to call it a day methinks.