Don Woods

The song this week is a track off The Cheshire Cats album we made around 2005...it featured some of the local musicians who used to give their services free to the charity....this is Route 66 by my lad Steve....who played in my band for a while....he was a handy guitarist and bass player as can be heard...the Cheshire Cats can be found on our website www.thecheshirecats.co.uk ...we still meet up each week and rock. There has been quite a bit of coverage on the latest phenomenon....fake news......and about time too seeing as MOST of our population believe what they read in the papers......I don't know how they get away with it - they must have a good legal setup......as far as I'm concerned anything false which is put into print is slander which is an offence and those responsible should be hammered in court....the problem these days is stupid careless untrue statements can ruin lived thanks to social media....yet no-one seems to be brought to account. The Beckham situation hasn't done Mr.Wonderful any favours....on his hacked Email he was criticising those who received honours...including Kathryn Jenkins....how dare he criticise my favourite lady....she once did a programme on "The best views in Britain" and I wrote to a magazine letters page and said SHE was the best view in Britain....and got 15 quid for the "star letter"....Knights of the Realm should be present day versions of some armour clad macho man protecting our country from it's enemies with a big sword...like SIR Galahad....THAT is a knight of the realm....SOLDIERS are knights of the realm and should all be knighted....what has Van Morrison...Rod Stewart...Mick Jagger etc etc done except make a lot of money for themselves simply doing a JOB??...the whole system needs scrapping before we have SIR Jedward !! There is a KILLER on the loose !!....our sheeple are under vicious attack !!....they are getting their fish and chips STOLEN by evil SEAGULLS !!....y'know= those creatures who were flying round seasides thousands of years before the prat with a knotted hanky on his head existed...some woman said one landed on her head,pinched her chips,and chased her up the beach...I wish I had that on video. To me the seagull is the most magnificent creation....it is perfection....and thankfully they are regarded as an endangered species so they can't be harmed...so keep that junk food covered up !!

The song this week is very educational...it is entitled *Greenfly in my Trusses" and was an idea I came up with back in the day when my mate the late Norman Thomas of Radio City commented that he was on his allotment and was horrified to find greenfly in his trusses....this began a series of incoming comments from the public with hilarious results...so I decided to write a song dedicated to him featuring all the problems you can have in a garden....the song is wonderfully performed by Peregrine Wilt (aka Paul Damian) and tells the story of love lost on a corporation allotment...the words might seem a bit odd but the details are accurate down to the last detail...listen to this and you could become a professional gardner. 2.Are we sick and tired of hearing about Trump and Teresa May or what?!!!...the guy gets hold of her hand to prevent her slipping BECAUSE THERE WAS A SLOPE that's it.....but oh no the media pile in making an issue out of nothing...and we've got demonstrations in the streets because Donald has been invited to meet the Queen...and none of the demonstrators have a clue why they are waving stupid banners around....they even have toddlers waving banners....there is NO hope......do they think her Maj gives a toss one way or the other?....or maybe they all think they might all get an O.B.E.?....who do they think they are - Ant and Dec?....as always the media just make matters worse. 3.The "scientists" have been at it again..."research" has uncovered the fact that primary school children learn more if...wait for it...they wear slippers....so along with their lunch they now bring in their fluffy footwear....it's only in one school at the moment as far as I can gather....so there you are...I wonder what happened to discipline?.... And Kodak must have shedloads of film left over since everyone bought digital cameras....they even made a classic statement to the effect that rolls of film are making a comeback....people are going out and buying FILM of their cameras...because FILM is better quality and "warmer" than digital.....what a load of tripe....as if we are going to buy rolls of film and PAY for it to be developed....nice try Kodak good luck with that one.....mind you the stupid demonstrators will probably fall for it. 4.We have obviously given up with Eurovision....this year the public have been subjected to a selection of songs sung by X Factor also rans.....and it's the viewers vote that counts friends....there was only one song which was almost bearable and needless to say that wasn't the one we voted for....oh dear....if the contest is judged on who can shout the loudest we are in with a chance....the girl is doubled over at one stage bellowing out the song.....I don't know why we bother....obviously someone is making money...probably Simon Cowell.....it's a big Nil Pwa from me. 5."Mothers" are OUT!!....they must now be called "Parents".....as in "expectant PARENT"....this is so the 1% of transgender parents are not offended....there is absolutely nothing I can add to this. It reminds me of the time when I was working for Merseyside County Council and the Trading Standards burst into a chip shop and told the owner he couldn't call his hamburgers hamburgers....as they did not contain ham....they were in fact "savoury rings"....so the guy put a huge notice in his window "OUR HAMBURGERS ARE NOW SAVOURY RINGS"....that's why Liverpool is such a great place.

The song this week is another Adrian Street classic from our recently re-released album "Shake Wrestle and Roll"...it is called "Something Very Strange About a Cowboy"....and poses one or two questions regarding their macho image......much to our delight. .....Piers Morgan was mouthing off in his opinionated way about the women marching for women's rights...and Ewan McGregor was supposed to come on the breakfast programme to talk about his latest film...but refused to appear with Piers as he disagreed with his comments...how pathetic is that?....his usual saracastic way...but for once I agree with his treatment of the situation...I don't think Ewan has done himself any favours. .......I went to The Empire last week to see a show and during the interval a couple came back from the bar with two plastic cups of white wine...they didn't look is too happy as they had been charged £17 !!!....how can this possibly be justified...it's daylight robbery...someone was telling me they went into a bar in London and were charged £21 for two drinks....someone's having a laugh...because of the bad crop due to climate change...what a load of tripe...but the sheep believe anything..because "experts" tell us.. ....RIGHT!!,,,toast is out!!...this is the latest from those hidden scientists who rack their brains all day trying to think of things to scare everyone...burnt toast can kill you apparently...also overdone chips can also kill you....y'know a bit like butter a few years ago....better to eat margarine...but that's all changed...butter is O.K. now...and marg can kill you....do these "scientists" get PAID for all this drivel?...I really do despair...could it be that we are buying too much sensibly priced bread and not being ripped off with the expensive stuff? ... .I have found a TV programme called "virtually famous" hosted by Chris Ramsey and it is really good...I've always rated Chris Ramsey but he never seemed to be given the right role...this is it...good light hearted stuff...also "Coach Trip" is back with Brendon doing his bit...good entertainment for a change.

I am subjecting you to another track from my recently re-released wrestling album....this is the title track "Shake Wrestle and Roll" which has been re-released in the States by Burger Records and is getting plenty of plays....all very strange as I haven't listened to it for 30 years (I wonder why?)....I wrote the whole album for wrestler Adrian Street back in the day and here we go again....and it's on VINYL!!.... It sure is a strange business. I had a few days up in The Lake District which was a nice break ...might as well be there in the drizzle as anywhere else...had a wander round Kendal which still bears the scars of last years floods but thankfully fully recovered....on returning we went to the Empire in Liverpool to see "The Commitments" which was musically very good...good live stuff...however the acting wasn't too clever as it was hard to pick up what they were saying and the strong Irish accents didn't help....fortunately I have seen the film so I knew the story...the niggle I've always had with this story is the brass section on the band has a trumpet and a sax....for me there has to be a trombone as well....it was the same in the film....but that's just me. A statue of Cilla has been erected outside the Cavern in Liverpool...it was unveiled in front of an enthusiastic crowd.....although the statue is very good it's not a particularly good likeness...whether that matters or not....it is similar to the one of Ken Dodd in Lime Street Station...that's not a good likeness either......at least they have put Cilla on the front of where the original Cavern was.....before the city geniuses knocked it down....a nice rags to riches story....not quite sure why it took so long...would have been nice while she was still around? At the time of writing we have the build up to Trump signing on....with half the nation protesting....as opposed to the other half had Hilary won...I don't know what they hope to achieve...this bad enough but what is really sad is the sheep in THIS country jumping on the bandwagon ridiculing a bloke who they know NOTHING about....everyone making wild assumptions....why not just WAIT AND SEE.....suddenly they go on about how wonderful Obama was..y'know...the bloke who was going to put us at the back of the queue....followed by all the knownothings spouting about how "Brexit" will never work....information they have heard from some politician who is panicking in case he loses his unearned fortune....the only chap who speaks ANY sense is Farage...we should make him Prime Minister AND president of the U.S.A. And finally....they had an article on the ITV morning show about women having babies late in life...they had a lady on who was in her fifties who had a 5 year old...she said she had to look after her mother for 17 years by which time she was 51 and thought she was too old to have a child but was successful...she said her only fear is that she may not see her child marry etc...but had experienced the joy of motherhood...a lovely polite intelligent lady....then in come the Emails at the side of the screen from the woodentops....thing like she is "selfish" and "having children late is unfair on the child"....what is it with these morons?...it has NOTHING to do with them and their shallow little lives during which they have achieved NOTHING....and there lies the problem.....FORTUNATELY for us ALL it was Thursday and Piers Morgan was replaced by Ben Sheppard....so we were spared an outburst from that idiot

I've sent you another classic from the recently re-released Adrian Street album Shake Wrestle and Roll...this one is called Imagine What I Could Do To You....and this is the one he used to enter the ring to....it was featured on videos in the States and ended up in a movie called "Grunt - The Wrestling Movie".....again it's back to haunt me from the 80's. was disgusted with Piers Morgan on the breakfast programme this week...they had a young girl on who had sent her 3 year old to a child minder and the kid came back with her £300 boots (!!) ruined....she then sent a bill to the child minder...it turned out that she had bought the kid 60 pairs of designer shoes...this is all very silly on the face of it but Morgan really launched into the girl and really upset her...reducing her to tears....the girl was obviously a bit misguided but a tsunami of shouted insults was totally unnecessary....what happened to impartiality on so called news programmes?....Morgan is just a revolting bully....I doubt if he would have been so mouthy with a young hard case....Fortunately he is only on three days (which is three too many) and there would be no point complaining as he is so pig ignorant it would be water off a ducks back....let's hope he gets his come/uppance at some stage. The train strike is causing havoc down south....I actually thought that the problem was they were doing away with the guards....but apparently this is not so....it's all about the drivers being in charge of opening and closing the doors...while the guards take care of other things on the train...I really do despair at this country....to disrupt so many people over a squabble between staff and bosses is disgraceful and should be illegal in a public service.....it is just hitting those who are not involved.....there doesn't seem to be a lot of brainpower used...they are like a bunch of schoolkids...holding the paying public to ransom is wrong... I had to laugh when I heard that FIFA are going to increase the number of games in the world cup....I can't imagine why...what a greedy bunch of scroungers they are...it hardly affects us as we are still living in 1966.....but I suppose the sheep will enjoy sitting there and watching games which are nothing to do with them....and what better uses all that extra money could be put to?...but there in no chance....we can't have these chaps surviving without a couple of yatchs....how would they manage? If there's anything I can't stand it's arrogant pompous oafs who seem to think they are above everyone else....and this country seems to have more than its share...this is perfectly illustrated in the film "The Imitation Game" about the guy who broke the German code and helped win the war...but when it was all over he was disgraced by the upper class trash because he was gay...so much so that he committed suicide...and nothing has really changed...we still have the chinless wonders who choke on their posh accents with their noses in the air expecting people to bow and scrape...roll on the revolution.!!!

...the song this week is one which sadly never made the classical charts...it is entitled "Breakin' Bones" and it was the first song I wrote for wrestler #AdrianStreet back in the early 80's... American record company called #Burger Records...on VINYL/CD/and CASSETTE.... I watched....# Robbie Williams.......that is when you could actually hear what he was singing.....see the point of fireworks.. ... why did people like Hoddle and Waddle make records?...they are FOOTBALLERS........better all round if they stick to what they actually do. .I don't quite know what to make of #DavidWalliams...he's a strange character.. brilliant....is comedy making a comeback I wonder? On the promenade on the #Wirral side on the #Mersey there is a marked cycle track which takes you 7 miles around the coast.......not to mention those who stand in the doorway at the end of a gig when you are trying to get your gear out....

....a tribute to #BobbyVee who was one of the many artists we lost this year.......Rick Parfitt from #StatusQuo....very sad....and #GeorgeMichael who I thought was a massive talent.......not forgetting #DavidBowie and Lemmy.. The TV over Christmas has been pretty bad........there are a few programmes which stand out....Room 101 with the great Frank Skinner and Would I Lie To You....but that's about it....and when you watch these "stadium" comedians with the audience falling about laughing I just don't get it. .... is the mis-use of the English language which is steadily going worse...the letter T seems to be redundant.........thank goodness we Merseysiders speak standard English. ...proof that some things never go away.....I wrote and produced an album of wrestling songs for exotic wrestler #AdrianStreet in the mid 80s....

The song this week is called "You'll Always Love The Game" and was written for a video I made for a mate of mine who used to put on rugby matches featuring veteran players... We had a few words about football and disgraced England manager, Sam Allardyce joining #CrystalPalace to keep them in the Premiership. The traffic is ridiculous at the moment....I just don't get why EVERYONE has to panic over two days.......we are also expecting Storm Barbara On the same subject the trains are going on strike........whereas I sympathise with those employees who are affected I think it's wrong to make the general public suffer.... I watched a sort of a celebrity quiz which included the audience.....I am not a prude (far from it) but the show doesn't need it.......who cares?...just get on with entertaining and keep your preference to yourself... Went up to the #LakeDistrict for a few days this week....and as usual was lucky with the weather........we stay near a place called #Carnforth and the station there was used in the film "Brief Encounter" from the 40's....

The song this week is called "Urban Cowboy" .....a classic showbiz tale....... ........We often discuss the mentality of a certain selection of out fellow human beings... and when the fire brigade arrived they were attacked with stones and bricks and had threats shouted at them.....this sort of behaviour defies explanation..... .....There was very little worth watching on the TV at the weekend so I decided to watch a DVD called "San Andreas"....and starred Dewayne Johnson...#TheRock........ .The #EverymanTheatre in #Liverpool has been in the news.....and at the time I was writing the odd musical... and one for #RadioCity

This week's song is called "He' Me Mate" ....I heard nothing until I was watching the Royal Command...... ....because of recent deaths on the roads due to dangerous driving the government have stated they intend to increase the penalties to include life imprisonment.. We complain about the cost of renovating the Palace...we complain about the Royals travelling to functions in helicopters.......George Osborne getting 80 grand for an after dinner speech is obscene. ......I was praising Cliff's latest single last week....HOWEVER... ....Chester is one of my favourite cities and it has recently made the news.....

The song I have sent you this week is called The Story of Skiffle and is a song I wrote for,and as a tribute to, John Lomax who was a dear friend of mine....I first saw his skiffle group called The Atlantics in 1958 and it was the first time I heard an electric guitar played live...40 years later I met him and we became good friends....this song got us a gig (via Chas McDevitt) at the Finland skiffle convention in 2001 and I put a group together (including John) and off we went....skiffle was the basis of rock and roll...sadly John is no longer with us and I miss him. .The Christmas countdown has begun....all the prices have 99 pence at the end £149.99.....£99.99.....purely to make the price sound cheaper...which people seem to fall for....YOU'RE GETTING A PENNY CHANGE for goodness sake....it's like the old 99 guineas...which was effectively £105........and we are bombarded again with all the old played out Xmas songs in shops and on the radio...A Child is Born...All I want For Christmas is You....and the dreadful Simply having a wonderful Christmas time...and the even worse Frog Chorus...if we must be subjected to Christmas songs PLEASE give us some new ones....yours sincerely Mr.Grumpy. Cliff has got a new single out called "Better To Dream" and it is really good....record of the week on BBC Radio 2 who are keeping in with him...I wonder why?...I'm not particularly a Cliff fan but he's done a good job on his latest album......and I became a fan of Andre Rieu after seeing him interviewed....what a great bloke and what a talent....I've always admired people who arrange parts for orchestras...to hear all the instruments in their head and to get it down on paper is a special gift...I think most people think they just stand in front of the orchestra waving a stick around. ...Football has been featured heavily on the news sadly for the wrong reasons...namely the sexual assaults by coaches on young hopefuls...it makes very uncomfortable watching...most of it seems to have been 30 years ago and has left some of the lads traumatised...what is surprising is none of them seemed to go back for revenge...but unless you have been in that situation you'll never understand...I think this is just the tip of the iceberg................also on the sporting front we have The Sports Personality of the Year coming up.... Andy Murray...despite having NO personality....tennis is possibly the most demanding sport and to achieve what he has this year sets him apart from the rest. .. finally....there has been a bit of an uproar about payouts to top executives....they get the lions share of the profits and the workers get nowt....they can complain and rise up as often as they like and it wont make a blind bit of difference....it's always been noblemen and serfs and it always will be....the bankers and the legal profession etc don't give us lot a second thought...and I doubt whether they even HEAR the moans.....locally we have to endure council cuts yet there is money available for a luxury golf course next to The Royal Liverpool which will "bring money into the area"....I wonder how much of that I'll see....I'll give you ONE guess..

"The Colour of Time" is one of the few Don has co-written...it was a demo he did for a friend of his called Patricia Knapton who is a poet...... In the news this week the Queen has been given a rise.....30 million....and apparently none of this will go towards the 340 million to be spent on her house....us and them or what.?......yep we are all getting ripped off and there is nothing we can do. I had to laugh at the enormous pothole in Japan when virtually the whole of the town centre collapsed 30 feet....fortunately no-one was hurt...and guess what it was all rebuilt back to it's former glory in A WEEK !!!!..... On the music scene I see that ex newsreader Bill Turnbull has got a CD out....it's his "collection"....he's not on it he has simply put a collection of classical songs together and put his picture on the front "The Bill Turnbull Collection"...hmm...don't get it....does he get royalties?...if so what for?...."The Vince Tracy Collection of Beatles Songs"?... I watch "I'm a celebrity get me out of here"...but I don't know why...I suppose it's a bit addictive...but it is absolute rubbish..

The song this week is one I have found in my archives and had completely forgotten about...it is called "Nosey Parker" and is one of the many I wrote for The Krankies yearly pantomimes....this one was Pinochio....and wee Jimmy (aka Janette) had the title role.....each year they would ask me for an original song or songs...and I would demo it as simple as possible for them to give to the panto MD....when she sang the song the nose would get longer and longer until it was the length of the stage....all good stuff....They are good friends. How pathetically transparent are the BBC...suddenly they have decided to play Cliff Richard's latest album...hmm...I wonder why?...I suppose the school leavers who seem to run the organisation think Cliff might change his mind about taking them to court...I hope Cliff has the guts to take them to the cleaners after the way he was treated...along with the gutter press which have a similarity to reading a piece of used toilet paper.....actually the album is very good....pure rock and roll....which makes a nice change from the latest deluge of moaning whinging ballads we seem to be getting subjected to.....I was unfortunate to watch the U.K. top forty at a recent dinner party...what a load of rubbish.....quality music R.I.P. I often wonder at the mentality of those who steal from charity...the latest is the sale of the ornamental poppies from the Palace....apparently only one third of the money raised went to charity instead of the lot....so some low life has made a lot of money....these people should be investigated and have their faces all over the media....just to let people know what scum they are......when I watch the TV appeals like Children in Need it is awful to think all these problems could be solved by the filthy rich who stain our shores....the problems could be solved without them even missing the money...but I suppose they have to have a few yatchts and mansions to survive. Now there is a petition on the internet regarding closing shops on Boxing Day....our wonderful public think they should close so people could spend time with their families instead of shopping...this was discussed on the morning TV...is it me or have we gone completely round the bend?...the big stores are criticised because the staff have to work over the holiday...and....wait for it....people will go out shopping because that's when they get a bargain....it is obviously far to difficult for the sheep to stay at home when the shops are open....and what about none Christians?...as if the big stores will take a blind bit of notice...and as if the government will make it illegal to open on Boxing Day...I really do despair sometimes. The BBC have renamed the Radio 2 building Wogan House after Terry Wogan which is a nice thing to do...he was much respected and I watched a tribute programme from the Albert Hall which was very good...possibly could have done without Olly Murs singing swing but very nice....personally I was never a fan of Sir Terry but he obviously had a big impact on his fellow workers.....great show and the remains of Take That did a great spot as did The Vamps....and lastly they are back....the highly talented Ant and Dec...NOT.....they have apparently signed a three million pound deal with ITV....as I have said in the past if they do have any talent whatsoever it's beyond ME...they are now appearing on the celebrity jungle thing where they do an hour and a half of unfunny nonsense then go and play golf....well worth the money eh?

.The song I have sent you this week is entitled "I'm In Love With Me" which I wrote in the mid 70's and was performed on TV by Bobby Sox and The Prizeguys......HOWEVER the version I have sent you was the original demo I did for wrestler Adrian Street who I replaced his voice for mine....the song was one of 22 I eventually wrote and recorded with him.....this version has never been played on air...Adrian went to The States and made a video of the song which was played on MTV.....it bought my house. ...Well well....no need to tell you what the news is full of.....Donald J. has got himself a new house...the whole thing has been a joke since the word go...everyone is jumping up and down for one reason or another....knowing only what the media want us to know....personally I couldn't care less....nothing America does surprises me...so it's best to wait and see instead of constantly trying to predict the future....on the positive side NO-ONE could be worse than George W. Bush. ...I regard myself as an average guy....and like everyone else I get totally confused with politics...which brings me to "Brexit"...the way I see it all is the country is run by greedy fat cats who feed us with all this complicated information which goes total over my head (and everyone else's)...so standing back I thought why should I be told what to do by the likes of Germany...and that's about it...having ignored the rest of the verbal garbage I voted OUT....but the fatcats tried to pull a fast one and "gave us a referendum" thinking we would all fall for the scare tactics..."throw them a few crumbs....then we can say it's what THEY decided"....but of course it all went horribly wrong...now they are all panicking trying to bring in laws to get them their own way....and even Prince Andrew has announced it would ruin the country...in other words it might be a bit more difficult for him to scrounge his millions off the State...times they are a changin'.....and we are all fed up with being ripped off by the filthy rich...the only man who seems to make sense is Nigel Farage....but he is leading a bunch of morons so he is like a great singer with a bad band. ... I have been watching a series on Netflix called The Crown which is about the Royal Family....it is very good and quite informative...how the other half live....I remember Churchill and Eden but didn't know much about them this puts you in the picture...my opinion of the Royals hasn't changed though...The Queen does a great job but the rest of them are a waste of space....with one or two exceptions...it makes you realise the distance between us and them....good programme though. ...I was surprised how quiet bonfire night was....personally I cannot stand fireworks...totally fail to see the point of sending money up in smoke...but the sheep must be entertained and given the opportunity to ogle at explosions in the sky and go "OOH...AHH"...and they had a big firework display on the Mersey I believe, but I haven't heard much about it...am I wrong or are we supposed to be making financial cuts?...not to mention the loss of eyesight and burns that ensues....I am not a killjoy but I have never seen the point of firework displays....the last one I watched was in Disney in Florida so there is little point attending any others.

Has Don flipped? Is he really wanting schools to have no teachers? He applauds #teresamay standing up for the Poppy against #fifa. Don also looks at the terrible carnage caused by a lorry driver on his mobile phone on a British motorway. #Popstars who can't handle the pressure of showbiz also comes under scrutiny and Don ends by looking at the #prideofbritain awards