Don Woods

Primark have made huge profits and are taking a bit of stick from our army of do-gooders…they are suggesting people boycott the store because the stuff they sell is made in China by workers who are poor and mistreated…..the stuff they sell in the store is CHEAP !!!....that’s all 99% of shoppers are interested in I’m afraid. My take on this is if Primark can sell cheap so can the big stores…end of. ...I went to see “Dreamboats and Petticoats” on the Floral Pavilion in New Brighton….it was sort of O.K….but not worth 28 quid a ticket….the music which is live was good but the acting let it down…I’ve seen the show before on the Empire which was much better…shame. ...I watched a drama about Tommy Cooper on tele this week (did you catch it?) it was brilliant…the guy who played him was great (David Threlfall?...who was the star of “Shameless” which I never watched)…it was a great insight into the life of T.C. (I was never a fan)…I think the guy will get an award for this…it was excellent. ...I was listening to Boney M on the radio the other day and was reminded how good their records were … great bass player and drummer on the records….the song was “Rasputin” …it took me back to an interview on BBC with one of the girls in the band who said SHE was the only singer on the discs….the dancing fool in the middle couldn’t even sing…his voice was actually the managers voice….another great pop revelation…which reminded me of a guy called Tony Burrows who kidded them all…he was in the original Brotherhood of Man before the Eurovision lot took over the name…he was also the singer in White Plains,Eddison Lighthouse AND The Pipkins…..who all got in the charts at the same time…and appeared on Top Of The Pops…..so the secret was out and he got a ban from the Beeb…classic stuff. ......I am back playing golf and of late the courses have been virtually empty…this is over the last six months…I also have a mate who lives near the Royal Liverpool who will be hosting The Open this year…and he intends to rent his flat out (you can get 10 grand for the 5 days)…but up to now he has had no takers…he has two estate agents on the job and had had to bring the price down….could it be that golf is fading in popularity?...the same thing happened with squash when I used to play in the 70s….interesting.

Britain’s Got Talent is back…..now I KNOW it is very popular (which shows the mentality of the masses)…but WHY subject us to idiots who are happy to ridicule themselves on national TV?...and WHY Ant and Dec?....heaven knows we’ve seen enough of them over the last six months…can’t see the point of them on this show….and WHY the same old format with talentless “judges” playing God and the same old sob stories from the contestants which have NOTHING to do with their act…….bring back Opportunity Knocks I say…at least we were looking at genuine contestants. Great to see Nigel Evans fighting back…the guy was dragged through court … was TOTALLY cleared of any offences…and ended up 130 grand out of pocket….he is starting to kick up a fuss and good on him….he says the CPS should reimburse the cases they lose….and so say all of us !!!! Now we have had a few weeks of nice weather…you’d think we’d all be happy…what with no storms and no floods etc…NOT A CHANCE….the media are straight on to their usual scare tactics….”there’s a hole in the ozone layer which means the sun will be much stronger and we are all going to get burnt…even when the sun isn’t out”….and “scientists” have discovered new creatures from overseas which are a threat to humanity…they EAT our plants…not forgetting the KILLER CRABS who have arrived in the Thames on the hulls of boats…these monsters burrow into the river bank…HELP!!! our country is being eaten away…and all because we have had a bit of sunshine….there will be a hosepipe ban any day now….somebody call Bruce Willis !!!! To add to the tripe on Television which consists mainly of rubbish soaps we are now being subjected to a programme which films sewer workers at their daily tasks….very nice when you are having your supper…this together with “Embarrasing Bodies” where we can see the obese having bits sliced off them makes a good case for listening to the radio…..is Radio Luxemburg still going? and finally….to lighten the mood…I had to laugh at the front page news of Cameron being stung by a jellyfish on his holidays….I would think they will be searching for the said jellyfish to give it a rabies jab….and a little two year old was playing about with his dad’s phone and accidentally phoned the police…..when he cut the call short the police went round to the house and found a load of cannabis plants…OOPS !!..classic stuff…and lastly they have been talking about the fact that kids do not know the true meaning of Easter….they asked a little 4 year old and she said “You have to believe in the Easter Bunny…the more you believe the more eggs you get”…..she’ll go far.

Taking kids out of school in term time is back in the news…asking whether there should be some exeptions…eg Police and servicemen. The consensus seems to be that it should be one rule for all…the problem lies in the rise in price of holidays when the schools are off….if parents want their kids educating they can’t have it all ways. I have been watching Wills and Kate in Australia with their new nipper….I must say that Kate is a lovely girl and very photogenic and I think she is doing a great job out there….When she was talking to an old serviceman she held his hand which I thought was really nice and she was great with all the kids who came out to see her…..nice example. I wish the BBC would get someone in the news department who give us SOMETHING of interest on their bulletins…I am sick and tired of the OscarPistorious case taking up so much time with NOTHING happening….we really are NOT interested in this country…all we need to know is the result….as I have always said…there is too much time given to the news…two half hour bulletins a day would do. The Crown Prosecution Service has come under fire for wasting time and money on cases that should never have been brought to court…e.g. the Nigel Evans case…he was cleared of all charges when the WITNESSES said he hadn’t done anything wrong…they ruin a blokes life,put him through hell…then come out with some lame excuse….the boss of the CPS (woman) saying that 87% of cases they take end in prosecution…OH so that’s O.K. then…let’s not worry about the lives ruined,the money it’s cost and the false accusers getting away scott free….celebrity witch hunts or what? And finally there was a chap on tele explaining how he had accosted a couple of burglars stealing stuff from his goods yard….he approached them and one of them picked up a plank and attacked him…he managed to take the plank off him and “defended” himself leaving the burglar in a right mess…although he deserved congratulating he was arrested and taken to court for unnecessary GBH….HOWEVER the case lasted 20 minutes before rightly being dismissed….the legal system in this country needs shaking up…I think those in control are from another planet. Not to mention some guy in JAIL who got knocked about by another prisoner being awarded DAMAGES….I give up !!!

There is a girl called Judith Hill who is starring in a documentary film called “20 feet from Stardom” and it is about all the great backing singers who never get recognised. She has backed the likes of Michael Jackson and never got a mensh on the credits. Sounds like an interesting film….but that is what the game is all about really…it’s the session guys who go the distance. On the subject of films I watched a Will Smith film called “Hancock”…er….they don’t seem to be able to round films off these days…too much CGI and not enough story…mind you it also starred Charlize Theron who is very easy on the eye..so that helped. We have had the Sahara Desert descend on us…mostly on my car….and there have been pollution warnings….as usual let’s scare everyone….however it has made me a bit throaty and has cut down the visibility …it wont be long before the Government are blamed. There is a move afoot to ban E cigarettes from public places….they reckon it is encouraging smoking amongst the young instead of helping people pack in. It’s a tricky one really because on one hand you have the right to basically do what you want and on the other you have the offence caused to non smokers….to me there seems to be a lack of education regarding smoking….it should be obvious to even the densest of people that to start smoking will do you no good in the long run…but they still do it…and of course you have the genius who comes up with BLANK cigarette packets…oh yes that will solve the problem….all that will do is save the ciggy companies a fortune on ink. I went on the ferry this week to do a bit of filming for one of my songs which I’ll be outing on YouTube……it’s always been a delightful ride on the River Mersey…despite Gerry warbling “Ferry Cross The Mersey” down the speakers…HOWEVER they now have a narrative throughout the whole journey BY GERRY !!...has to be heard to be believed. One of the Wednesday night musicians from our weekly jam sessions (The Cheshire Cats) has sadly died and has donated all his gear to the organisation…we are in the process of selling it off and putting the money into the fund.It all goes to children’s charities.His church also gave us the donation they received at his funeral…(£400)…his name was Arnie Neale and was a lovely fella who will be missed. We rock on regardless.

It’s disgusting the way the media are covering this missing plane incident….there are poor grief stricken relatives who are in turmoil only to have a camera stuck in their face to broadcast their anguish to the world…what does this achieve?…NOTHING…it doesn’t help in any way…just so some pig of a reporter can get a story without an ounce of human decency…this needs to be sorted. The Royal and Ancient Golf Club are to have a high power meeting as to whether they let WOMEN on the course…heavens above…what is the world coming to?….as you probably know G.O.L.F. means “Gentlemen only…ladies forbidden”…which obviously the R & A and a few other courses still stand by. We have a Golf Club close to where you once lived which is a men only set up…….I think in this day and age it’s time for Golf Clubs to get over themselves…speaking as a guy who has performed (musically) at hundreds of them I can safely say that they are all the same…overloaded with snobs and outdated rules and regulations. If you want to get away from the ladies go to the wood section of B&Q…..just the smell of timber and the odd DIY bod wondering round in peace…wonderful. There has been a survey regarding accidents in the home…WHICH IS ALL I NEED TO HEAR AT THE MOMENT!!!...and the major cause is a combination of ill fitting SLIPPERS and STAIRS. Apparentlly there are more accidents in the home than on the roads…which makes sense I suppose…it was showing how kids get scalded in kitchens by pulling pans etc off stoves…this sort of thing should be drilled into people more often…instead of prattling on about what we should and shouldn’t eat. I watched the Sport Relief show on tele….it was the usual mele but it’s all in a good cause..HOWEVER I thought David Beckham in the “Fools and Horses” sketch was genius…a classic piece of comedy. And I also thought Alex Jones was very brave climbing that rock face. They also had a programme about ignoring kids who may be lost…they set a little girl up on her own in a mall and filmed people just walking past her…..WHAT DO THEY EXPECT?...the media have made it quite clear that EVERYONE who makes contact with a kiddie is a paedo. Now they are saying that kids shouldn’t regard EVERYONE who approaches them as dangerous….who are these people who come up with this tripe? On the subject of the little girl…she was standing outside a shop in which you would naturally assume her mother was in…the whole exercise proved nothing…..waste of time.

The Budget…..Osborne has been holding up the red bag….which has pleased the old folk (prospective voters)….so it looks like our savings will make a bit of interest for a change. However up jumps Ed Balls with his totally negative view on the whole thing….no matter what one side does - the other will disagree with. There has been a programme on the attempted kidnapping of Princess Anne 20 years ago…I can’t remember this can you?...apparently her car was blocked by another on the Mall and her bodyguard got out and was shot three times….he has received an award for his bravery…the guy tried to drag Anne out of the car….what was I doing 20 years ago? There is a programme called “The Big Re-Union” where boy and girl bands are reforming to go back on the road…it’s quite interesting but I think some of them need therapy. It all looks a bit contrived to me…and has a feeling of desperation about it….but good luck to them…I think they will need it. The Northern Lights are back in the news….Carole Kirkwood the weathergirl did an item on them where she went back to her native Scotland to see them…camera crew at the ready…but it was too cloudy so that was that….I know the feeling…as I have told you previously that I went to Tromso in Norway to see them…and you can’t get any closer…but it was one of those RARE cloudy nights…however I had the pleasure of Patrick Moore’s company with whom I discussed planets you can see which are light years away…I learnt a lot from this character. I tuned in to radio 2 during the week and caught an interview with Albert Lee…who for my money is the best guitarist in the world…and he was saying that because he played country in the sixties he was overlooked because everyone was switching to heavy metal….he’s backed The Everlys,Emmy lou Harris,Shakin’ Stevens,Clapton and loads of others….including Don Woods. Last year I had the pleasure of standing in at a rehearsal with him and James Burton….I can now say I’ve been backed by Albert Lee and James Burton …AT THE SAME TIME !!!...if that aint cool I don’t know what is.

The schools have had to cut back because of lack of money…council jobs are in danger because of lack of money…the hospitals are having a hard time because of lack of money…etc…YET fortunes can be found for blanket coverage of the winter Olympics which I doubt many people are interested in…and 24 hour news which simply repeats 15 minutes of important news. You need a noose to watch the news in this country…unless it’s killings and illnesses and doom and gloom there is no coverage. Scrap the Olympics…have a couple of 15 minute news bulletins (like it used to be)…cancel the bankers 140% payrise… and direct the savings elsewhere…problem solved. On the subject of schools our mate has been in the news again…with actually a decent idea…at the moment if you take your kid out of school without permission you get a fine…which increases if you fail to pay up…old Govey has come up with a plan to take the fine out of the offenders benefit. Oh this has caused uproar…they had one “campaigner” shouting out “they’re MY kids and I’ll do what I want”….his fine is up to over a grand…clever bloke eh?...and some empty headed woman was on saying that she saved 1500 quid by going on holiday in term time and was moaning because she got a 240 quid fine…there really is NO hope….what these “above the law” morons don’t think about is if EVERYONE was like them there would be no education system and everyone would end up with a solid bone head like them. On the showbiz front there is a new chat show hosted by Michael McIntyre….who is,apparently,the highest paid comedian on the circuit…personally I would want paying to see him…but that’s beside the point…out of interest I started to watch the show…first guest Terry Wogan…I could only take 10 minutes….chat show hosts should pipe down and let the guests get a word in….dreadful stuff….and BIG NEWS Cheryl Cole is back on the X Factor in America…YAWN….she is a perfect example of how to make a fortune with absolutely NO talent…but I’m sure the out of work council workers will be delighted with the million she’ll get for the show. If I hear one more news item about what we should or should not eat I’ll scream…don’t eat this and don’t eat that and there’ too much sugar in this and too much salt in that…hey Mr Advisor mind your own business and get a JOB!!! I was in the Lichfield area this week and visited the National Memorial Arboretum….which is an out huge door tribute to the fallen in various wars….the place is stunning and very very moving. It is a credit to those who created this masterpiece….it was a very emotional visit but well worth it.

I went to the Floral Pavilion new Brighton last week to see “Let’s Hang On” which was a tribute to the music of Frankie Valli and The Four Seasons….it was sensational…the quality of the musicians and singers was outstanding.It was a full house and the whole place was on it’s feet at the end…brilliant. I love the Four Seasons stuff and last year went to see “Jersey Nights” on the Liverpool Empire which was also brilliant….the main show “Jersey Boys “ has been on in London for a few years but I’ve heard that will soon be touring…that will be on my agenda. For me the music has to be authentic and this was. We have our song for Eurovision….it sort of came out of nowhere…no judging no pack drill…never heard of the girl singing it but good luck to her. The song is called “Children of The Universe” and is like a million others….the girl singing it also wrote it so let’s hope it gets more than the usual nil pwa….I must say I quite enjoy watching the spectacle but why on earth WE get involved is a mystery to me….I’m still recovering from Englebert two years ago. The Scots are building up to the vote for independence….I must admit I completely failed to see the point until I heard the word “OIL”….what a load of absolute nonsense to have a separate country on an island as small as ours….if it comes off,which I doubt it will,I think they will be making a big mistake…but there you go …that’s politics and greed. A ship which sank off Africa in the 1800s and which was built at Camell Lairds has been commemorated this week on the front at Woodside….the ship was called “The Birkenhead” and went down with the loss of 140 lives (?)…however ALL the women and children were saved because of the “women and children first” situation…this became known as “The Birkenhead Drill”…and still is to this day. There were a couple of female footballers on the local news moaning about sexism in football….oh dear…I quite enjoy watching women’s footy but let’s hope they don’t start whining about the slightest thing…like the blokes do…300 grand a week and sobbing because someone called them names…come on girls…man up !! And lastly…this made me smile…some teacher has been reprimanded for taping kids mouths shut when they were making too much noise….it was obviously a bit of fun but the press are straight on to it…child cruelty the lot!!...and of course one of the fathers has come out of the woodwork alleging his child’s mouth BLED when the tape was removed…yeah sure….possible claim in the offing eh?

I had a fall and dislocated my shoulder last week and off I went to A & E……I also needed stitches in my ear….the doctor involved was telling me he treated Jimmy Krankie when he fell off the beanstalk during the Glasgow panto five years ago….when I told him that Jimmy was singing one of songs at the time we were both a bit flaggergasted…..small world or what. Reminded me of the time I was invited to form a skiffle group and and appear at a big concert in Finland…I was working on Radio Merseyside at the time with Monty Lister…the show took place in Hankasalmi which is 500 miles north of Helsinki…after which a guy invited us to his restaurant and on the way put on a CD of Rock and Roll…and what comes on…Monty Lister interviewing Bill Haley in 1958……at the precise time I would have been on the radio with him that morning….some co-incidence? The Northern Lights have been on full view in Scotland….can’t see them from here….I once went (with Monty Lister) to Tromso in Norway…the most northern town in the world…to do a radio programme on the famous Lights….despite the fact you couldn’t be any closer we couldn’t see them through the clouds…so I have YET to see them….I did however meet Patrick Moore and have a chat over a beer…great character…sad loss. Watched a programme on B.B.King….fascinating…I’ve never been a blues fan but I really enjoyed the documentary……he is living proof that if you want to be a success you really have to WANT to do it. His classic line was “I don’t do chords”…as B.B. sings then throws in riffs…never plays and sings at the same time…he’s now 88 and much respected by all the top guys. On the news front it has all been a bit depressing…blanket coverage on the two terrorists who killed the soldier have got life sentences…outside there were mass protests wanting hanging to be brought back…all carrying home made wooden gallows….and the Irish bomber whose trial was abandoned because he had received a letter (mistakenly) saying there would be no further action…there has been a backlash on that…but people have to realise WE don’t count…what we think or feel makes n difference to those in power who merely pay us lip service…that’s how it’s always been and that’s how it will always stay. Don’t even get me going on “human rights”. and finally…..there is a move afoot to give lonely old folk,who have nobody, food bags for £2……along with a distinct probability that the minimum wage is going up by 70p or something…then in the same breath we hear that the top bankers are getting 140% rise….while the staff get 3%...they don’t call it “bonus” any more…it’s a payrise…which makes it O.K. Then we have the highly intelligent Wayne Rooney getting £300 thousand a week……which is the wages of 600 soldiers….now there’s food for thought. There’s THEM and there’s US……end of.

The Brits went off OK but I got a bit bored halfway through…it’s a sad situation but the music game is slowly going under….technology is seeing to that. I was listening to Andrew Lloyd Webber being interviewed on Radio 2 and he was saying that he once wrote a song for ELVIS and thought he had reached the summit of his career…however he never made a penny!!...as Elvis puts his name in the writers column and Colonel Parker takes over the publishing…so nothing really changes. I remember Elvis asking Dolly Parton if he could record “I will always love you” (with presumably the same set up as Lloyd Webber) and she chased him….nice one Dolly. Now the record companies are blubbering because they are not making money…boo hoo…they have been ripping everyone off for years. I have made a lot of money from music …none of which has come from any publishing or record deal (of which I had several)…I did it myself. Gove is at it again going on about how history should be taught (like HE would know)….saying that pupils should learn dates…..now the reason I didn’t like history in school was DATES…too many of them….these days I find the subject very interesting because I study the facts and don’t have to remember DATES…wake up Govey….he has also been going on again about “no winners and no losers” in primary schools…a subject we have covered in the past. There was a tragedy locally last week…a poor old lady had put a microwaveable hot water bottle in the microwave to heat up and left it in too long…these thing are filled with grain and heat from the middle…she then put it in her bed…took a sleeping pill…and fell asleep…the hot water bottle went on fire and burnt the house down…the poor old lady lost her life.......this sort of thing should never happen. We are doing O.K. in the Winter Olympics…but I wonder what percentage of us care?....the only people who seem to get excited with the curling are the competitors and the commentators….It has blanket coverage each day on the BBC….and I wonder how much THAT is costing….when a half hour highlights programme would do it at night…again nice to know where our licence fee goes. Perhaps they could put some of the money towards the homeless and "hard done by"... finally….Joan Collins made a guest appearance in “Benidorm”…WHY?...she must be hard up…….They had the guy who plays the barman on one morning and he said that “stars” are queuing up to get on the show…..I have come to the conclusion that it’s ME……I must have lost my sense of humour somewhere along the way…..I watched “Birds of a Feather”….women yelling at each other….terrible unfunny tripe….Mrs Brown’s Boys getting awards?….I give up….

The UK floods down south have been completely dominating the news….they seem to have stopped blaming everyone for the weather and are now trying to sort it all out.I’ve just got back from The Lakes…I’ve never seen anything like it….not sure what the answer is. These kids who do stupid things and film themselves on YouTube have been in the news…after a few of them have died….again everyone is to blame except the parents…”there should be warnings in schools etc…there should be laws against selling legal drugs etc”…the problem is you can’t legislate for idiots…simple as that. I watched a programme on Jim Davidson…very interesting….He had it all but refused to change…whereby I admire him for that I felt he could have toned things down a little bit and he would have been fine…he won Big Brother so somebody still likes him…he needs a bit of good advice but I doubt whether he would listen….shame. Claire Balding has taken a bit of stick over her TV involvement at the Winter Olympics in Russia as she is gay and the Russians have banned gays….the gay community feel she is letting the side down by not boycotting the whole thing…I think it’s time the gay community got over themselves…they are getting BORING…you’re gay SO WHAT?...nobody outside Russia cares….I love Claire Balding…good on ya girl!!! Another little kid has been mauled to death by a pit bull type dog in it’s home….what does it take to get through to people who keep these pets…and to not leave them on their own with a toddler…how much more publicity will it take?....but there again as I said you can’t legislate for idiots…..a terrible price to pay.

The floods have been horrendous down south….I have never seen anything like it….coastlines washed away taking railway lines and houses with them…so sad for the poor folk who have lost everything…the government have decided to take action and said it will cost 20 million to sort things out (so someone is due to make 20 million)…there was a guy in the North East who solves the problem there by utilising tree trunks and branches to slow down the flow of rivers…successfully…they asked him how much he thought he would be able to solve the problem down south …have a guess….200 thousand… .Let’s all scare the life out of everyone with EXPLODING BATTERIES !!...yes a couple of modern batteries have gone bang in the WORLD so the media are straight on to it…”It could cause plane crashes…it could blow your hand off …etc”….then we see an experiment where a laptop battery is blown to pieces….so DON’T buy counterfeit batteries !!!....I wonder if the manufacturers of the originals have anything to do with this…losing a bit of money are we?...before we know where we are there will be a third one going off in the world. The tattoo and implant market is booming in this country…maybe I’m getting old but are people losing their marbles?...for the life of me I can’t see the point…especially after all the negative press with implants…which to me LOOK like implants…..and as for tattoos…well….and they wonder why they can’t get jobs. There has been a programme on the tele called “The Jump” which involves a bunch of celebs competing against each other on ski slopes….sounded O.K. at the outset but it was another dud despite Davina McCall showing as much enthusiasm as she possibly could….there were only two left standing at the end…the rest of them sustaining quite serious injuries…totally pointless…at least there were no fatalities…but it came pretty close. I was delighted with the news that Bill Roache was cleared of all the alleged sexual activity he was accused of forty odd years ago….but notice the accusers get off scott free…the law is in need of serious changes on this subject…lets hope this case helps all the other “rich” celebs who are there for the taking. and I couldn’t believe it was 10 years ago since the cockling disaster in Morecambe Bay when those poor Chinese lost their lives…and the scum who was responsible has only served part of his sentence and been shipped off back to where he came from…he should have been hung drawn and quartered…but that’s our so called justice system.

Don told me, " I watched Benidorm this week to see if there was any improvement…absolute rubbish…badly written with a collection of mismatched characters who can’t act…with a string of unfunny jokes and a helping of bad taste…plus an appearance by Mathew Kelly to add to the trash….ITV have hit rock bottom with this one. The BBC are a bit worried about their viewers using modern technology to watch their programmes on I Player…because apparently the licence fee only applies to LIVE tele….so when you watch recorded stuff you may not need a licence….I’ve always said the Beeb want sorting out…they have just abandoned a set up which was to involve a “digital storer” designed to store thousands of programmes…it failed…it cost 20 million quid…which has now gone down the drain…nice to know where our licence fee goes. .I watched the Paul and Ringo get together on the Grammy Awards…I must say they both looked good…I’m going to invest in whatever make-up they were using….I thought Katy Perry was quality as she was burnt at the stake…and Pink who was hanging from a rope around her ankles and spinning round…makes me glad I’ve semi retired if that’s what you’ve gotta do to get a gig these days. There’s quite a lot on the tele about the Great War with it being the anniversary…the diaries were fascinating showing that there was a lot more to it all than “going over the top”…all this should be shown as it should never be forgotten…whether we will ever learn is another matter. Coach Trip is back with good old Brendan camping it up…I must say I love this programme…especially the last bit when they have to vote someone off….also there is another good programme with Griff Rhys Jones travelling around Wales..this week was Anglesey…brilliant. The latest is to make smoking in cars where there are children illegal….what next?....in my opinion people who smoke anywhere should be issued with a goldfish bowl to be worn over their head so they can recycle their own smoke…but then again I don’t endulge…..but the people who come up with these ideas should be employed to enforce them instead of giving the police more work." ....and we looked at other news headlines that are taking the eye.....

Big outcry from the road safety campaigners about a Wetherspoons pub they are building at one of the motorway service stations…I would doubt if it’s any campaigners – more the rip off motorway services who charge extortionate prices for their second rate food…bit of competition eh?...at last a bit of value on the motorways……they come up with nonsense like “It will encourage drink driving”…what a load of twaddle….they also sell coffee as well as good value food…..if drivers want to drink all they have to do is pull off the motorway and drive a few hundred yards. I wish these so called organisations would stop telling us what we can and can’t do !!!! I would like to congratulate the TV channels for managing to have absolutely NOTHING worth watching last Tuesday…that is unless you want to watch some overweight blobbys attempting to lose a bit of blubber…no thanks…….oh yes and Coronation Street which made the headline news with one of the characters dying…real cheerful stuff…and people think it’s REAL…..a sad situation all round. They are still going on and on about this MP who wont apologise for something he has been found innocent of…WE ARE NOT INTERESTED !!...get over yourselves ladies you are getting very boring….on a similar theme..they had a lady on the morning news who has created a “Cuddle Club”…whereby people who feel down can have a cuddle….sounds like a recipe for a few more court cases….I would urge blokes to steer clear of that one. The Anelka offensive salute….is that what it was?....I doubt if 99% of the terraces would have picked up on that one…including me…..what would they make of Denis Law showing his bare bum to the Liverpool Kop in the old days?....oh I forgot…they were the days when you could have a laugh…how I miss those days….when you didn’t live in fear of being taken to court by some holier than thou doogooder or some over sensitive female. Speaking of laughs I was reading in the paper about Lee Mack…who I rate as one of the best comedians….meeting Prince William who said “You need some new jokes”…to which Lee replied “I don’t tell you how to be a future king”…to which William replied “I was only joking…I really enjoy your sitcom”……OOOPS….but I love Lee Mack…

I’ve been in the Lake District this week doing a bit of walking….on the Sunday we went around Silverdale…on the Monday a car was hit by a train on a level crossing…in Silverdale…the crossing we had been over the day before….I know the area well and have always thought the crossing was a bit dodgy…so there you are I was right. 2.We have been informed that MP’s have their portraits up in Parliament…paintings which cost 12 grand a time….which begs the question why paintings?...why not photographs?...or indeed why any picture at all as NONE of them are worth looking at……I wonder if they pay for the work themselves…I am joking of course…nice to know where my taxes go. 3.The trials of Dave Lee Travis,Rolph Harris and Bill Roache have been all over the news….women who have suddenly remembered that they were indecently assaulted 50 years ago…whatever the outcome these guys are finished…the media have seen to that….nothing should be reported until there is a final decision…it’s a disgrace….remember Gerri Halliwell bragging about pinching Prince Charles’s bum….but THAT’S alright….there’s not a problem that way round….as DLT put it…they can smell money. 4.After the horrendous floods (and before the oncoming drought and hosepipe ban) our roads are full of potholes….it’s going to take 27 BILLION (that figure again) to fix them…it has been asked why the continent don’t have the same problems…the answer was that they spend more money on their roads than us…so that’s O.K. then…..I reckon I could find a few blokes who would do it for a few BILLION less than the above quote. 5.Headline News!!!...they have found Hitler’s bog…yes the toilet from one of The Fuhrer’s battleships….it was in a garage somewhere in the States and there’s been a big stink over it (sorry about that)….with all the morons out there it is bound to appeal to someone…I think I’ll pass on it….oops sorry again…..so there you are – something for your mantelpiece.