Don Woods

First off there has been coverage of an event called "Presidents Dinner" where millionaire celebs meet up each year and raise millions for children's charities....30 attractive young ladies are hired as "hostesses" and are required to dress in a particular way and stroll around mingling with the guests....then out of the gutter comes an "undercover" journalist who reports "sexual harassment" of these girls....the upshot is that not ONE of the girls has complained and NO-ONE at the dinner saw anything untoward...but apparently this "undercover" agent saw things EVERYBODY else missed....the organisers of the event (which has gone on for years) have decided to cancel it and close down the organisation...giving the £20 million raised to children's charities....so all this wannabe James Bond has achieved is to remove a nice little paid job for young ladies and to stop millions of pounds going to children's charities....nice one...a brilliant result I don't think. What next? they will be closing down all the hospitals because some reporter thinks he saw a nurse being sexually harassed ? 2.And on the subject of sex....the new manager of the England ladies football team...Phil Neville... has been "FOUND OUT"....apparently someone has dug deep enough to find an inappropriate tweet he made thirteen years ago...shock horror....it's getting to the stage where no-one will hire women in case they mentally scar them....perhaps they'll all be happy then?....oh no...I forgot ...THAT would be sexist...I would hate to have to interview a black guy and a white female for a job...whoever you gave the job to would either be racist or sexist....a no win situation or what. 3.I had to laugh at a report about some Chinese tourists in Venice who complained about being charged £1000 for a fish dinner...and a Brit saying he was charged £450 for breakfast.....the mayor of Venice responded by calling tourists "tight fisted".....I've been to Venice and was not at all impressed....totally overrated....and the problem with these foreign climes is you tend to get hit with an unexpected bill AFTER you have eaten...so you are a sitting duck to be ripped off.....I remember visiting Benal Madena in Spain and got chatting to an English guy who had opened a bar....as it was situated above other local establishments he put a sign at the bottom of the stairs advertising his pub...which he was instantly told by the police to remove....thus leaving his new business to struggle...whereas other bars in similar locations were O.K....but this is not racist is it?...not much. 4.British television has hit a new low....it is so bad...especially the BBC which COSTS ME!!!....the news is pure unnecessary scare mongering...and the reporters are a disgrace...an example being a man who had just lost a child in an accident being asked "how did it feel when you saw your child dead in the road?"....just one of the many utterly STUPID unnecessary questions these amateur reporters ask.....and I think they make a guess at the weather forecast which they rarely get right....not to mention the obscene salaries they pay to third rate presenters .....they had a football match on last Friday night peak viewing time....who, apart from the supporters of both teams is interested?...NOT ME....it really is pathetic...I;m wondering how long they can get away with it.....and so are THEY probably. 5.And finally...the song this week is entitled Tribute To Ricky Nelson.....I was around when the rock and roll tsunami struck the world and at school we all quickly found our favourite recording stars....mine was Ricky Nelson and I loved everything he did especially the guitar solos on the records which were played by James Burton....never in my wildest dreams did I ever think that 60 years on I would be singing Ricky's hits in concert with James...it was surreal....I did 8 concerts over the years with JB who I now regard as a friend....he has backed Elvis..Sinatra...Roy Orbison etc etc....and I can add my na

The song this week is from a classic album I produced in the 80's for my pal wrestler Adrian Street....it is called "Imagine What I Could Do To You" and he used it to enter the wrestling ring....I brought it out on a vinyl 45 and while I was pushing stuff in London I played it to a boffin in R.C.A.....who said it was possibly the worst record in the history of music....I asked him if I could quote him on that....and that is what went on the label....the song ended up in a film and was featured on Adrian's bouts in the States and paid off my mortgage....THAT'S how it's done. 2.Over the last few years I have been impressed by Bruno Mars....so I decided to take a look at "Bruno Mars Live in Harlem" which was a televised live concert...I was totally blown away...he is the real deal...as good as it gets....the guy dances sings plays drums,guitar,and piano and knows how to entertain...absolutely sensational....and what a voice....I was beginning to despair with the music biz...with the likes of Bradley Walsh...Alexander Armstrong and Nick Knowles trying to muscle in...I suggest they watch Bruno and see how it's really done then get back to their proper jobs. 3.The sexual harassment saga never ends...the female film stars all wearing black dresses (which probably cost thousands) at the latest film award ceremony...showing solidarity (and various parts of their bodies) in support of those who have been sexually harassed before going back to their mansions....we get it ladies...we don't need telling every couple of days....try slapping a few faces instead of making a fortune then complaining.....I think the majority of women find this pathetic...those who have been subject to any form of violence obviously need help but someone who was tapped on the behind 20 years ago needs to get over it....you have won ladies....we are now all equal so lets just move on. 4.O.K....are you ready for this...we have just had 6 months of rain and floods....probably the worst on record...rivers overflowing...landslides...BUT WAIT!!!....the reservoirs in Kent are half full....so we could be heading for...wait for it....a DROUGHT !!...so there you go...one half of our little country will be dying of thirst while the other half (200 miles away) drowns....no point complaining because all we will hear is "we have to make cuts because of lack of funds" which is the standard excuse for everything....except royal weddings. 5.Boozing at airports and drunks on flights have hit the news....there was an air hostess on saying the matter is getting worse...she had been thrown up on and "touched up" on occasions and the problem of alcohol misuse needs to be solved.....to me the answer is simple....ban alcohol from airports....oh sorry...I forgot....they need to make lots of money from serving overpriced drinks....that's far more important than passenger safety at 30,000 feet.....then on comes a bloke from some drinkers society...a Scotsman (now there's a surprise)...who goes on about how he likes to have a few drinks when he arrives at the airport because sometimes he has had to sit around for hours because of delays....so I would doubt he would have "a few" drinks in that time...as always it comes down to greed...let's leave the drunken idiots to the pilots and air hostesses while we make a fortune.

.The song this week is a tribute to the greatest river in the world...at least to my mind....I was born on the Wirral side of its banks and never tire of it's magnetic splendour....I brought the song out on a vinyl 45 in the 80s and it did well at the time....so "Here's To The Mersey" my mate and I hope it paints a familiar picture for you. 2.Ringo getting a knighthood has caused a bit of local controversy....a lot of mixed opinions...mainly based around whether he remembers where Liverpool actually is...and his debatable skill as a musician... as session drummers where used on quite a few Beatle tracks.....but as I have always said a "Knight of the Realm" is by definition connected to the military...they historically protect us from our enemies.....when the Spanish Armada appeared on the horizon I think I would have preferred Sir Francis Drake to be in control as opposed to a bog standard drummer...mind you he could play his drums on the harbour wall and frighten them away.....or even better Sir Rod could sing.............but the sheep population are very easy to convince. 3.I was around when TV was in its infancy...however I have never known it so bad...we were baby sitting on the Friday before Christmas and skipped through all the channels on offer and found NOTHING worth watching...absolute tripe...what ever happened to entertainment...I think those in control of Television desperately need a lesson in what is actual "ENTERTAINMENT"....we are bombarded with stupid pointless programmes with so called "celebrities" from rubbish reality shows who none of us have heard of and chat shows with guests promoting their books or albums. 4.Still on the subject of rubbish television there was yet another variety idea where Jonathan Ross presented "celebs" dressing up and miming to songs of their favourite artist....it was abysmal...firstly these celebs came on in disguise and mimed while the "celebrity" panel had to guess who they were....and during the act the cameras where flitting about between the "singer" the panel and the audience...giving the viewer no chance of being involved ( even if they wanted to be)...whoever comes up with these ideas should be arrested....(but they will probably end up with a knighthood).....and we now have the return of Blind Date which is bad enough but add Paul O'Grady into the mix and it's definitely time to change channels and hope that you don't accidentally arrive at a repeat of Ant and Dec's Takeaway which has reared it's ugly head....or the squawking Alan Carr. 5.And finally.....I went for a ride on my bike on new years day and went along the promenade at New Brighton which I often do and it never ceases to amaze me how the masses behave.....there is a stretch of road which goes through the main part of the area where cars park side by side ... cramming into the smallest of spaces...while literally 50 yards further on there is an enormous empty free car park...which is clearly visible....but oh no...they might have to WALK a bit further....AND there is a cycle track with two parallel white lines with bicycles painted on the floor every so often....however because there are two parallel lines everyone walks along between them....just in case they get lost............on my ride I could look over to Liverpool and see the smoke from a fire which broke out in the muti storey car park at the Echo Arena on new years eve....1400 cars were destroyed but there were thankfully no injuries...apparently it was caused by one car going on fire.....needs looking into.

The song this week is from a musical play I wrote back in the day and it's called "School Without A Teacher" and was performed by several schools around the area....it looked at what would happen if computers replaced teachers (ahead of my time or what)...seems like an ideal situation for pupils but as the play demonstrates this is not necessarily the case. Went to the local panto in New Brighton....Peter Pan...took the 3 year old grandson which was his first panto...I was hoping he would have a long enough attention span....no need to worry...he was transfixed....it was so loud but really well done...they had "stars" from Coronation Street and the kid's TV channel ...neither of which I had heard of with Tinkerbell on roller skates....the little fella said "Grandad...I like Tinkerbell"...to which I replied "Yeah...so do I"....but for very different reasons. Another brave protector of the realm has been knighted...SIR Ringo Star....I suppose he must have done something other than being a passenger on the Beatle bus....it's all getting beyond a joke....I'm sorry but I never got The Beatles (shock horror)...to try to understand what it was they had which made them so popular world wide I've been watching several documentaries on Sky Arts about their various activities including the making of The Magical Mystery Tour which was an absolute pointless load of rubbish proving they had no idea regarding making films...and their disastrous business set up with Apple Corps which lost millions...which still left me unconvinced...they did write a lot of decent songs and a lot of debatable ones but that's all they did all day....I wonder how long they would have lasted if they had carried on doing live gigs?....but hey who am I?...and it's only my opinion...and not that of the masses who all pile into the shops for a few days before Christmas. I watched a programme called All Star Musicals which featured none singing celebrities learning to sing showsongs....the idea was bad enough as most showsongs belong in a show not as a solo spot sung by someone who isn't a singer...it was pretty bad with the likes of Nicky Campbell...Tony Robinson etc proving you should stick to what you actually do.....it was presented by Andrew Flintoff who was an uneasy watch...he really should have stuck to cricket...and to top things off we now have a female Dr.Who...not that I watch it...don't get it....but lo and behold Bradley Walsh is going to be in it....when he can drag himself away from The Palladium....The Chase....his new album...and the police series he's in...there should be a competition to try and find a day when Bradders isn't all over our TV screens...is there no-one else out there? I remember a while ago when a local corner shop butcher called the shop "Sausages R Us" (with the R the other way round)...he was threatened with legal action for copyright by "Toys R Us" which I found pathetic....however what goes round comes round...one of our major stores put an advert on TV comparing their prices with Toys R Us for the same item....showing big reductions...illustrating a sense of greed on the part of Toys R Us,...since then Toys R Us are closing down a lot of stores....when will retailers get the message?...the public are getting wise to them and these days with shopping on line it's all about PRICE.....I do like to see people power now and again.

The song this week is called "He's Me Mate" and is a song I wrote in the late 70s for Cannon and Ball...they didn't want it so I left it at a local theatre for The Krankies who notified me and said they were going to include it in their act....they ended up performing it on The Childrens Royal Command and other TV programmes.....it wasn't until the mid 90s that I eventually met them as I was on the same show...we became good friends and I have been writing songs for them ever since....more of them later...incidentally Cannon and Ball decided to record Wind Beneath My Wings which was a flop...shame. 2.I've been up in The Lake District for the past few days....I went walking with my wife in a place called Staveley....I have done this 5 mile circular walk a few times which involves crossing the River Kent at one point...when we get there ...no bridge....it had apparently been washes away in the recent floods....so I decided to take a diversion ...and got lost....we ended up in a small village where I met the nicest bloke in the world....I told him of our predicament and he got his phone out and showed us a map on it....and even offered to give us a lift back....which I politely turned down....he then showed my wife how to get the map on her phone.....then he went into the building we were standing by and brought out a complimentary bottle of beer.....it was his brewery !!!!....the guy was Polish and a pleasure to have met. 3.I'll be taking my grandson to the local panto at The Floral Pavilion in New Brighton next friday....he is three and a half and his mum said she hopes he has enough attention span.....as I've forked out 52 quid he better have !!...even if I have to tie him to the seat....and on the subject of pantomimes The Krankies are in Dick Whittington with John Barrowman in Manchester and it has made the NATIONAL news because ONE person has complained saying it was too rude for children....thousands have seen it but ONE complaint makes the news....very sad....I only hope they don't look into the many songs I wrote for them over the years...for example I wrote a parody on "I'm a Barbie Girl"...called "I'm a Booby Girl" where Janette sings the song as her rubber boobs go bigger and bigger...then there was the Ossie Osbourne Song where she comes on as Ossie and every line of the song has a swear word but Ian has a hooter and hoots it out....bringing the house down...and many more. 4.I don't do gigs anymore but every Christmas I entertain a collection of carers at their annual dinner...which requires me sorting out a set which includes an hour of jokes and singalong songs....as I have done many similar functions over the years I have always kept a file of what I have done and where and the times of the sets....so looking through the files I found an ideal one for this gig...it was for an organisation called "The Irby Gardeners"....in 2012....so I used this one with a few updates on the jokes which went down well and that was that....from there I went on to the school fayre where my son teaches...when I got to the car park I wasn't sure where the fayre was so I asked the only bloke in the car park who was also looking for the function....he looked at me and said "I know your face....you once played for us at the Irby Gardeners".....what are the chances? 5.And finally....there was a discussion on TV regarding the fact that MOST people couldn't care less about politics or feminism or transgender etc etc....and they were asking women whether they were offended if a bloke held open the door for them etc....NONE of them were which proves the point that the minority have the spotlight....which matters not as no-one takes any notice...including me....I also caught an interview on Radio 2 with Alexander Armstrong promoting his Christmas album which is so bad it isn't worth discussing...I only hope he doesn't perform it at some of the places I've done...he wouldn't get out in one piece.

This weeks song is entitled "Mersey Moments" and is taken from a DVD I made a while back about my wonderful river.....it describes how no matter where you are in the world if you stand on any harbour wall you think of The Mersey...even if just for a moment....the song is set to shots of the river... some from its banks and some from actually on it. I noticed your Facebook entry about the shop who refused to serve a man in army uniform in case it offended Muslims which was later found to be fake news....this is a perfect example of an attempt to incite hatred and those responsible should be severely dealt with in the courts....which will never happen of course.....the problem with most of our population is they believe what they read which is where the real problem is....at no time in my working life did I ever automatically take newspaper headlines as genuine...or indeed adverts - but as a Trading Standards officer I was in a position whereby i could prosecute for false advertising....but the papers seem to get away scot free with the trash they print....and sadly the sheep go along with it.....we are not born hating other human beings we are taught by parents and the media. It's started....the same old worn out Christmas songs being played over the supermarket speakers...I am SICK of "...all I want for Christmas is you"....or "the bells are ringing' out for Christmas day" by the Irish bloke with no front teeth from The Pogues..etc..etc....IT IS RUBBISH!!...SOMEONE GIVE US SOMETHING NEW PLEASE!!.....the music business has had it...mainly because of greed....all we get now is meaningless songs with endless repetitive lyrics which are instantly forgettable...not to mention the dreadful "swing" albums by the likes of Alexander Armstrong...Bradley Walsh...Nick Knowles and the most recent...Anton Du Beke....for heavens sake.....as I have said recently the only ones making any money out of this tripe is the recording companies because there is always SOMEONE who is daft enough to buy this old hat garbage...fortunately the artists won't make much as the music is past it's sell by date royalty wise.....but sadly they are killing pop music. Still on the music scene we have TV personalities "putting together" albums of their favourite songs...with tracks by the original artists...I just do not get it....not only that... they have their face on the album sleeve....what is the point....they can't sing so clear off....and what I find amusing is the re-intrduction of vinyl....telling us the quality is so much better....which is nonsense as it depends what you play it through....I think the real reason is you can't "illegally" download music on to vinyl as you can with everything else so you have to BUY albums....maybe I'm wrong.....but I don't think so. And finally did you know that a member of The Royal Family has just got engaged?...headline news with all the media creeps speculating over what "might" happen....forget earthquakes and volcanoes erupting and wrecking lives...Harry is engaged to Meghan....as one chap so eloquently put it "I'll switch the BBC News back on after the wedding".....and how much is this event going to cost us?....and let's hope the marriage doesn't go the same way as the collection of other members of the Royal Family whose marriages have gone up in smoke.....we are still waiting for a refund....I think it'll be a long wait.

The song this week is called Wirral Wonderland and is taken from on of my DVDs of our wonderful peninsula.....it's one of many songs I have written about the area....and it is from the heart and dedicated to those who feel the same way....as I used to say "There is Wirral...and there is everywhere else". We discussed last week the commercialisation of Christmas with the Tesco advert showing Muslims celebrating the occasion which I said was nice to see (apparently the ad caused a bit of controversy)...I added that the whole thing has turned into an annual party and that I didn't know many people who go to church....which I didn't mean in a disrespectful way as I respect all beliefs and nationalities...but this is how it is....in fact Christmas starts in September with adverts and albums all jumping on the band wagon...but where I do have an objection is when the likes of Greggs bring out an advent calendar featuring a sausage roll in place of various personalities on photographs....one being the three kings around the crib with a sausage roll in it....it's not funny and serves no purpose and will upset a lot of people. I thought for one minute we were going to be spared a Cliff Richard Christmas album....no chance...he's in the frame with everyone else...actors...TV presenters....etc...etc....however one guy who can actually sing has fallen at a fence...Aled Jones has been accused of improper sexual conduct 10 years ago....so one of the nicest blokes on TV obviously had a giggle with some young lady back in the day and she has decided to tell the world how upset she was 10 years later....for how much money I wonder?....this along with Sylvester Stallone allegedly misbehaving in THE SIXTIES does make the whole thing a joke....what is annoying about all this is the fact that the media knew about all this so called sexual harassment at the time but it obviously wouldn't sell papers back then...I really do despise the gutter press....and feel sorry for anyone who believes the tripe they come out with. It's back !!....our lives are now complete....I'm A Celebrity Get Me Out Of Here....PLUS Ant and Dec....I'm glad Ant has recovered from his recent illness....but I still fail to see what talent the pair of them have....I put them in the same category as Jedward...'nuff said...against my better judgement I watched the first couple of episodes....oh dear....a bunch of so called celebs sitting in a forrest making inane conversation in between silly games and a multitude of adverts proving this rubbish is well past its sell by date and at my age I haven't got that sort of time to waste............and Michael MacIntyre has a new show which at least is original....I'm not a big fan but he works hard....makes a change from the usual played out chat shows with half a dozen celebs on a couch all talking at once trying to promote their book or album with Graham Norton guffawing over it all..... There are 7.5 billion human beings on this planet.....we have just been informed that for this country to get out of the EU it will cost us 40 BILLION POUNDS.....however we are not told why...like everyone else I thought we would just leave.....now 40 billion would give every single person on this earth just over five pounds each...but where is the money coming from?...we haven't got any have we?....and where is it going to go?...we can shout and moan but who listens?....it's like a comedy show except it's not funny....and that silly sod Boris Johnson who opened his big mouth and got that women's sentence added to in Syria has finally apologised...after two weeks....how long does it take to say you're sorry....20 seconds?....so why TWO WEEKS? catch you soon

.The song this week is a tribute to one of my favourite pop stars from my schooldays back in the day....Ricky Nelson...it is a track off my doowop album and the lyrics utilise some of the titles of his many hits.....Ricky made great records and we always waited for the great guitar solos played by James Burton who I have had the pleasure of playing Ricky hits with on 8 occasions. .I have just spent a few days in Lancaster and decided to spend a day in Morecambe ...I haven't been there for few years and the last time I went we chatted about how run down it was...and there was a lot of work going on on the waterfront...well I can report that the "new" Morecambe is wonderful...it is a pleasure to stroll along the new promenade which goes for miles with a great view of the Lake District across the bay...I must admit it took me by surprise and the work carried out will definitely pay off. .On the showbiz scene we have new "albums" out featuring Bradley Walsh singing well worn "swing" classics...along with Alexander Armstrong who is also on the bandwagon...plus Nick Knowles who has made his "first" album because someone wrongly told him he could sing....I have often wondered why these wannabes think they can sing classic songs as good as the original...if I want to listen to swing I'll listen to Sinatra...Sammy Davis...Nat King Cole...etc...not some bloke who should stick to presenting...now Shane Richie has joined the albumers....BUT at least he does play in a band and has put his own slant on country music so a bit of an effort has gone into it...I would prefer NEW songs instead of old hat....BUT one must realise that when a record company latches on to someone who is never off the TV and ply him with old songs they get the publicity for the album with no payout for royalties so the only one making money is the record company....that's showbiz.....I would suggest these celebs jumping on the bandwagon listen to Sam Smith...THAT is a voice. .The earthquake in Iran in which 400 lives have been lost just about got a mention on the news...obviously there is far more important news like the woman who has come out of the woodwork complaining about Kevin Spacey sexually assaulting her 18 year old son 10 years ago and left him traumatised ...this made me think of my own son...he is now 39 but when he was 18 he played rugby for Cheshire and got a North of England trial....if the likes of Mr.Spacey had tried it on with him back then I'm afraid Kev would still be in traction...if you are 18 and you can't put a whimp like Spacey in his place there is not a lot down for you.......................and more headline news is Priti Patel the MP who has upset the PM and been recalled from her visit for Africa....this involved full news coverage of her getting off the plane and her car being followed along the motorway by a helicopter O.J.Simpson style...WHY??...nice to know where my licence fee goes. ....and finally....Tesco have caused a major upset....they have put a TV advert out featuring white folk AND Muslims celebrating Christmas....this has caused an outcry from the boneheads who OBJECT to MUSLIMS joining in with OUR celebrations....how dare they!!!....I'm afraid Christmas ceased to be a religious occasion back in the dark ages....it's now an excuse for companies to make money and for everyone to have a boozy family gathering....and in my opinion is there for everyone whatever their beliefs.....personally I don't know many people who actually go to church on the day.....we really should lighten up....personally I can't stand the whole thing and glad when it's over.....Bah Humbug.

The song this week is from my Doowop album called Doowop Days.....it is called "Love At First Sight" and I originally wrote it with the intention of submitting it to the producers of the musical Dreamboats and Petticoats....I heard no more so I sent it to a pal of mine in the States who has a doowop radio station and he suggested I make an album of 50s style songs which I did...as I am a fan of that style of music....hence the album......my attitude has always been not to wait for people to make up their mind just get stuff out there. Can you believe the BBC are STILL going on about sexual harassment in Parliament.....one of the "lewed" comments in question was by an M.P. EIGHT YEARS AGO who made a comment when some over sensitive female walked in the room and said "It's warm in here"...to which he replied "That's because I'm in here"....no doubt she has been mentally scarred ever since...I really do give up...it's really pathetic...what happened to a good slap across the face?....what we are NOT told is what constitutes sexual harassment/comments...I think 99% of women enjoy a good laugh...certainly the ones I've known...but the 1% are the ones who have the say...not that the media helps the situation. Remember Gerri Halliwell pinching Prince Charles's bum?....imagine that situation the other way round. I watched the documentary on George Michael....very interesting...especially the fall out with his record company....I was never a particular fan of George but appreciated his massive talent....a sad loss. I also watched Sheridan Smith in concert....I thought she was brilliant playing Cilla Black in the TV drama....however she has had a lot of problems of late and I think it showed....I thought her selection of songs wasn't too good despite the full orchestra backing and whoever did her makeup should be sacked....this together with her tattoos didn't help....all this plus unnecessary interviews by Alexander Armstrong in between songs made the whole thing a disappointing watch. The Queen has hit the headlines with some of her money being kept in a tax haven....along with Lewis Hamilton with his brand new private jet and Bono......apparently there is nothing illegal about this...but it's "immoral"...the tax they are dodging should go into the country...(so moats can be built around MPs houses?)...what SHOULD be illegal is allowing Bono to make records...he is rubbish...Lord Sugar has been jumping on the bandwagon showing his tax payment...58 million...prattling on about how the tax pays for all the services we have in the country....he did pay his tax early however to avoid the tax rise....talk about US and THEM. 5.Finally....never mind the shooting in Texas...and all the families wiped out by tsunamis...or the homeless living in blankets in doorways...Aston has been judged out of Strictly Come Dancing....this has caused a huge outcry...how could such a wonderful dancer be kicked out?...what were the judges thinking??...this is national news...I wouldn't be surprised if the sheep didn't march on the studios in London...for heaven's sake it's a SHOW!! That's all...it is of NO importance whatsoever...I enjoy watching it but couldn't care less who goes and who stays...just about sums up our viewing population.

The song this week is from and album I produced a while back called Stars Over 45...with original tracks...this one is called The Ballad of John Wayne and is a tongue in cheek look at this "hero"....for a guy who never did his national service he sure won a lot of wars and made sure the west was won etc etc...even the Yanks regard him as some sort of hero...which says it all. I can't stand Morrisey or his terrible songs which sound like he's making them up as he's going along BUT....his latest record goes on about not watching the news for various reasons...I couldn't agree more BUT I still can't stand him !!!....I watched Tina Turner on the Jonathan Ross Show...now SHE is the real deal...I am a massive fan...she is fantastic with a voice to match...she has retired but is over here to promote the musical based on her life...the lady ROCKS !! On the subject of the rubbish news we have been bombarded with sexual harassment claims both in Hollywood and Parliament...who cares??...this is NOT national news...some alleged drunken behaviour 15 years ago by Kevin Spacey is NOT news...it belongs in a cheap gossip magazine so those with no life at all can read all about it...I AM NOT REMOTELY INTERESTED....I think the TV news is run by school kids going through pubity....forget killings and war torn sections of the planet let's have a headline story of some politician allegedly brushing up against some highly sensitive female looking to make some money from her story...allegedly. Adam Sandler was on the Graham Norton Show....he put his hand on Clair Foy's knee...as a friendly gesture .. which is how SHE saw it...WOW all hell broke loose....all the sheep were texting in complaining...what it has to do with them is beyond me...which shows how ridiculous the whole thing is getting. Even more ridiculous was another stupid news item whereby an ethnic woman regarded dressing kids up in Halloween costumes from other countries was RACIST....I have now heard it all...so now I must re-assess my outlook on life...I must apologise for being white...I must hope I have not had any office banter with the opposite sex in the last 50 years...I must be sure I don't accidentally make physical contact with a female unless it is on the tip of her toe or the very top of her head...and I MUST lose any sense of humour and NOT admire women even though they wander round making themselves as sexy as possible...because that is NOT why they do it...is it? finally....we are approaching Bonfire Night....which incidentally I see no point in whatsoever...total waste of money...but appreciate it gives the majority the opportunity to to oggle up at the sky...not to mention the injuries which will be obtained...but we need to know the true meaning of November 5th....so there is a three part drama on BBC all about the gunpowder plot with Guy Fawkes...I have watched the first two episodes and am none the wiser...I may as well watch a programme on quantum physics...what a load of rubbish.....I think they have...dare I say it...lost the plot.

The song this week is called Subway Songman and a tribute to the musicians who brave the weather to entertain hundreds of passers by...I wrote it a while back and I thought I'd send it because they had a programme on the TV whereby would be buskers had to audition to be allowed a speck in the city....to be honest some of the buskers in Liverpool are better than you see in the charts....and I salute them all.Talking of which I watched Gregory Porter on the Graham Norton show singing live with Jeff Goldblum backing him on piano...Gregory sang Mona Lisa but I'm not sure what Mr.Goldblum was playing...I appreciate jazz piano allows a variation on a theme...but not THAT much....it was pretty bad proving that some "stars" should stick to what they do...and that goes for TV presenters,footballers etc.....when the England football team make a record it's no wonder we lose the world cup.We have had the tail end of hurricane Ophelia which presented us with a strange red sun due to the sand from The Sahara blowing through the air....this was explained on the day by the weatherman....then NEXT DAY we are told that scientists at some university have studied the phenomenon and arrived at the wonderful conclusion that the sun was red because of the sand from the Sahara blowing through the air...WOW !!...aren't they clever...is it me or are we all losing it ?.....it was a lovely sight to see and was NOT the end of the world as some of our meditation loonies suggested.I remember not long ago that we were told to buy DIESEL cars because they would save the planet from pollution...now we are told the opposite (probably because the petrol car market isn't doing too well)....so much so that you now have to pay £10 to drive your diesel car in London...if it was made before 2006....nice little earner for the mayor ?....so FORGET what the "experts" told us back then...diesel is OUT...petrol is IN.........AND because peoples heart rate goes up when driving on the motorway when you have to slow down to 50mph when passing roadworks (according to "scientists" and other "experts")....they intend to raise the limit to 60mph...so drivers can "accelerate away from big wagons"....correct me if I'm wrong but if the limit goes up to 60mph won't the wagons be doing that as well?......all this seems to say is the faster you go the safer you are?....forget the guys who are working on the motorway they obviously don't count....do these mallet heads who come up with these ideas actually get paid??And finally...your favourite game has been in the news...Ladies Football...the girls have been very upset about certain remarks made by the management....SEXIST and RACIST comments...boo hoo how dare blokes call them names....how much are they getting again?....this is sport not an episode of "Loose Women"....get over yourselves girls then maybe you may get a few supporters....I was told that a world champion lady boxer challenged a male club boxer...who knocked her out in three seconds...says it all.

Googi The Liverpool Duck was a song I wrote for a local girl called Penny Page who had a ventriloquist act and it has a strange history....I wrote it in the 70's purely for her act and a few years later she recorded it as a single 45 on her husband's (David Alexander) record label....at the time it sold in droves and she performed it on the Palladium and other TV appearances....it went on to be used in a TV drama which became a film....this week it has made the local charts ; on radio Merseyside where people vote for the worst novelty records ever....in at number 6...rock on 40 years later. Wirral has also been in the charts...there has been a national survey as to the happiest place to live in Britain and Wirral came third !!!...which is close...it is actually the BEST place to live but it's best if we keep it to ourselves....we don't want to be invaded by strangers. There is a move afoot to increase the penalties for death by dangerous driving....it is suggested a life sentence be invoked...which I am all for as when you are driving like an idiot you KNOW what you are doing and you are in charge of a lethal weapon...HOWEVER as I see it the problem could be easily solved by putting speed cameras everywhere....a fortune would be made in fines until the boneheads finally got the message....and the cameras would pay for themselves....but apparently you can't set up a speed camera until there has been THREE fatalities in that area....SO CHANGE THE LAW.....also I believe the cameras are self contained and send out the fine notices without requiring staff....it's a no brainer....but obviously not to the powers that be. Harvey Weinstein has been headline news with all the ladies deciding to report their unwanted alleged sexual encounters with him...he aint the best looking bloke in the world is he?....the main point is if the ladies didn't go along with his advances they wouldn't get acting jobs....I....some of the victims; have said it was several times....wouldn't you walk away after once?...obviously at the time fame was more important than your honour....it won't be long before blokes will be accused of sexual harassment for watching women's football. We are getting the remains of Hurricane Ophelia which give the media the opportunity to dramatise and over-sensationalise the situation....and scare the daylights out of us....I've seen worse....when the worst storms in the history of Wirral struck in the 80's it was also a time on high tides and there was a ballroom attached to New Brighton Baths...which is right on the coast....which was totally washed out as the promenade was destroyed and the tide crashed through the walls.....and guess who was playing there that night...yep you got it in one....wasn't one of our better gigs.

The song this week is entitled "Seasons" and came about atfer a conversation I had with a chap a while ago....he had emigrated to Australia and decided he had made a mistake....he was originally from Wirral and I mentioned hot weather and "barbies" to which he replied he was fed up with the heat etc...I casually mentioned the fact that I enjoy the seasons and he said that was it...that is what he misses most....this was the inspiration behind the song which ended up on one of my DVDs of the area. Theresa May had a cough during her speech at the Tory Conference...which has become BIG NEWS....it was a COUGH that's all...we all get them...the BBC news coverage was pathetic...as always...I thought she did really well...but the stupid BBC have to make a major issue of it with unfunny comedy clips.GROW UP!!!!....I am an admthe pressure while others keep in the background and share the glory but not the disasters....and I'm getting a bit sick of politicians thinking they are showbiz personalities with their modern hairstyles etc....they should concentrate on doing their job !!! And still with the useless BBC....a car crashed in London and injured 12 people....it wasn't a terror attack...but just in case the BBC send a helicopter up with full news crew taking aerial pictures of the situation ending up with a disappointed statement that it wasn't a terror attack....cost of the whole thing ONE MILLION !!!....what a total waste of money...MY MONEY !!...what a pity they couldn't sensationalise the situation like they do with everything else...the BBC are rubbish..I watched a programme about chat shows going wrong which featured amongst others Jerry Lewis being interviewed and he was so rude to the interviewer....he simply answered Yes or No to the questions with a bored look on his face....I could never stand him anyway....and Denzel Washington was the same....these "stars" need a reality check and should remember who put them there in the first place....the programme also featured Wogan trying to interview that drunken idiot George Best....dreadful...I remember Jimmy Nail turning up at Radio City in Liverpool and a young lad who worked there asked him for his autograph to which he got "I haven't got time for that sort of thing" and brushed past him...haven't heard much of Mr.Nail lately....I wonder why. And finally...I am delighted to announce that my composition Googi The Liverpool Duck has entered the charts at NUMBER 6 !!....however NOT the charts we know....it's the Bottom Of The Pops chart which is featured on Radio Merseyside on Sunday...the programme is presented by a chap called Graham Mack and is really good....he has asked the local population to vote for the worst novelty records ever made...they are all in there...Benny Hill...Bernard Bresslaw...the number one was The Barron Knights....but hey there is still time...I was very disappointed when Googi never made the classical music charts but this has made up for it.

The song this week is especially for you "Wirral Splendour" and it extolls the virtues of this wonderful Peninsula we both know so well...even though you are a deserter....I wrote it in the 80's as part of an E.P. I produced for Wirral Borough Council...the words say it all..the council sold it via the libraries and sports centres etc....it was written from the heart The Las Vegas shootings have dominated the news here and everywhere else....it's a terrible situation which I doubt will ever be solved...to outsiders from other countries the answer is to alter the gun laws and ban guns...but there is a lot more to it than that...America has a very short history and they think differently to the rest of the world...and it would seem that the gun companies make so much money and control the government....apparently you can't buy a Kinder Egg because they are banned....the toy inside might choke a child....but you can buy a machine gun over the counter. We need more nurses and we need more police because the ones we have are under too much pressure...but there isn't enough money...is what we are constantly told....when the likes of Tony Blair and his cronies can rake in 250 grand for ONE after dinner speech....and the likes of Chris Evans raking in 2 million (not quite sure for what)....is it any wonder?....A nurse gets 25 grand for saving lives...Evans gets the equivalent 80 nurses...but obviously him and the likes of Linacre and his totally unnecessary "pundits" are more important....I'm sure the homeless guy in sleeping in the shop doorway is delighted for them. Now Monarch Airlines has gone under and with the Ryanair fiasco I am glad that foreign travel is of no interest to me any more...I frequently go up to the Lake District and enjoy the ambience and also frequent Snowdonia in Wales....it does not get any better than this...I can walk in the hills and honestly say there is nowhere else I would rather be...I just don't understand suffering the pressure of airports to go and fry beside a pool which most of those with no imagination seem to do...but I also appreciate that I am fit enough to do what I do...unfortunately some people aren't...but this country has so much to offer which so many don't appreciate. O.K....are you ready for this....forget Superman...forget Batman....forget Captain Marvel...we have our own super hero DAN DARE !!...and he is from SOUTHPORT !!...Dan Dare Pilot of the Future was featured on Radio Luxembourg at 7.15 every night for 15 minutes...back in the fifties.....I never missed an episode....he was also featured on the front of The Eagle comic and the artist who created him lived in Southport....and there is an exhibition on there celebrating the super hero with original artwork etc....Dan Dare...Digby and Jocelyn Peabody....rock on !!!

.The song this week is called The Magic Of Wales where I have just spent a few days....the weather was great and out of curiosity we went to Trearddur Bay to have a look at the house that is featured in the TV series Safe House;....it's a big one and fascinating to see in real life....the song is sung by my mate Paul Damian and was the follow up to my How To Say Llanfair P.G. song and sold equally as well...it is now a track on my Welsh CD album (available from my website www.donwoods.co.uk) .. must confess I have completely lost the thread of Brexit.....the reason I voted to leave the EU was because I was sick of being told what we can and can't do by some foreign country...and having to comply with their often stupid laws...and looking at the interest on my savings made me think things can only get better....but obviously we only got the vote to keep us quiet...we weren't supposed to WIN....so now it seems like all those who stand to lose their large incomes are totally complicating the whole thing...and on and on it drags...and now I haven't got a clue what's happening...like everyone else.....every time I hear the word "Brexit" or see that buffoon Boris Johnson on TV I simply change channels... ...The ladies football has hit the news....the manager has been sacked for improper behaviour...apparently he had an affair with one of the girls in a team he managed a few years ago....shock horror...the fact that she was over 18 doesn't seem to matter...she was one of his players and that's that...it's a shame this unforgivable incident didn't bring an end to ladies football...I doubt if it would be missed...and as for women rugby....no comment...On the subject of rugby there is a move afoot to ban tackling in school rugby....for safety reasons...how long has rugby been played in schools?....the nanny state strikes again....I'm still trying to come to terms with them banning conkers !!. ...and they have changed the system of marking G.C.S.E.s....it's now a 1 to 10 system and the results have been poor....it does make you wonder who comes up with these bright ideas....not to mention boys being allowed to go to school in a dress if they so wished....I dread to think what would have happened to them at my school. ...We are now bombarded with Christmas items in the shops...it's SEPTEMBER for goodness sake!!!...personally I can't stand Christmas...Bah Humbug?... the reality is it's ONE DAY....then we have New Years Eve which is always a none starter...then NOTHING....when I used to play in the band we were out virtually every night up to Christmas so I never really noticed the build up...I think I'll get back on the road....three months of the same old Christmas songs in the shops....help !!!