90 Seconds on The Verge

Hello? Is anybody out there? My name is Nathan Cykiert. I was filming a daily news show with my friend, Chris Ziegler. It's only 90 seconds long, but we still manage to cram the top stories of the day into it. Anyway, I think we made some sort of wrong turn because now we're a little lost. If anyone can hear me, could you direct us back to the Las Vegas Convention Center? That would be very helpful. Also, do you know where I could get a pastrami sandwich around here?

Wake up (wake up). Grab a brush and put a little make-up. Hide the mic and slant the rhyme to bacon. Why'd you leave your laptop on the table? Why'd you host, you're tired and unstable. (You wanted to!)

Are you there God? It's Me, 1080p. I've been pretty down lately. I mean, I used be hip. I used to popular. Ok, I'm being a little overdramatic. I'm sorry. It's just that no one is talking about me anymore. These days, people only care about 4K. Ugh, what kind of name is that anyway? 4K? It just doesn't flow off the tongue like 1080p. I sound so much more bold and magical! Anyway, I hope you're enjoying CES and I'll talk to you when you get back.

You hop on your dune buggy, start the engine, and head deep into the desert. Your skin dries and cracks as the sun's rays hit your face. As your mouth dries and your head feels funny, you begin to wonder if you're ever going to make it. Just as hope begins to dwindle, you see it. The bright lights, the disgusting amount of people, and the overabundance of 4K products. You park your buggy, brush the sand off your hoodie, and smile. You have arrived at CES 2014.

Starring: David Pierce, Ellis Hamburger, Evan Rodgers, Ross Miller, and Adi Robertson Featuring: Nathan Cykiert, Russell Brandom, Sam Sheffer, Valentina Palladino, Samantha Mason, Jessica Hoffman, Katie Drummond, Dan Seifert, Nilay Patel, Paul Miller, and Joshua Topolsky Music by John Lagomarsino Lyrics by Nathan Cykiert, Ross Miller, Billy Disney, and John Lagomarsino The New York Minute-and-a-Half Band: Brendan Murphy, Guitar Michael Shane, Clarinet A 2013 MacBook Pro with Retina Display Production by Jordan Oplinger, Billy Disney, and John Lagomarsino

Introducing the Lego Airplane... turn that frown upside down when you build a commercial airliner in your own backyard! With the proper adult supervision, children can now build and customize a 747 with lego bricks. Once complete, these little aviation workers can actually take to the skies in their new creation. Don't forget to build that landing gear! Every set comes with 580,000,000,000,000,000,000 bricks, two pilots, and a functioning drink cart (beverages not included). Make the holidays soar with the Lego Airplane!

In Michael Moore's latest controversial documentary, he takes an inside look into the never-before-told story of Dieter Bohn on Election Night 2012. For the first time ever, viewers will see how one man spent his presidential evening. Prepare to be shocked, prepare to be engaged, prepare to enter the Bohn Zone. 'Dieter: The Dieter Bohn Story.'

Hello. It appears you're trying to enroll in our healthcare program. Would you like some help? Perhaps I can direct you to a specialist for that headache you are getting after staring at error screens on our website. No? You're all set? Well if you need anything, just ask for Clippy. Why am I a paperclip and not something medical related? I don't know. People loved me on Office, but I don't think it's translating well to this site.

The year is 2082. The Resistance, lead by our great leader, Steven Ballmer, has lost its most recent battle against the robotic army of Google. The machines are simply too fast, too strong, and too Android-y. We may have lost the battle, but we shall not lose this war. We must always remember the words of our mighty captain. "RESISTANCE RESISTANCE RESISTANCE RESISTANCE RESISTANCE RESISTANCE RESISTANCE RESISTANCE RESISTANCE RESISTANCE RESISTANCE RESISTANCE RESISTANCE RESISTANCE RESISTANCE RESISTANCE!!!!!!"

We are sad to announce that after filming of today's episode commenced, Nathan Cykiert was killed. He was leaving the '90 Seconds on The Verge' studio when a black cat ran out from under a desk, scaring Nathan and causing him to lose his balance. He attempted to catch himself, but instead smashed into a mirror, shattering it. Glass was everywhere as people ran to help Nathan, but it was too late. He had already picked himself back up and was going to grab a broom to clean up the mess he made. As he opened the maintenance closet, natural causes kicked in and Nathan died.

And the nominees for 'Best Actor on a News Show Under Two Minutes That Also Makes Pop Culture Jokes and References or Musical' are: Ross Miller in '90 Seconds on The Verge,' Leonardo DiCaprio in 'The Wolf of Wall Street,' Skeleton in the Halloween episode of '90 Seconds on The Verge,' the Horsehead Killer in '90 Seconds on The Verge,' and Oscar Isaac in 'Inside Llewyn Davis.'

Love watching musicals break out in the middle of food courts? How about 100+ people freezing at the same time in Grand Central? Well if you love Flash Mobs, you're gonna love Flash Jobs! We take everyday, ordinary people with boring jobs and put them in high-stress, high salary positions... for only TEN MINUTES! Watch as your Average Joe becomes your Billionaire Joe and then back to your Average Joe. Coming next year to TLC!

He's battled the Black Pearl, recovered the heart of Davy Jones, been to the world's end, and fought Blackbeard. He then took on local government to get a proper boating license, went to physical therapy for his chronic arthritis, and opened a stamp shop. Now Jack Sparrow is back and he's battling a whole new beast — the Digital Millennium Copyright Act. Get ready for 'Pirates of the Caribbean VIII: Pirate Bay Island.'

"Hello fellow player. I love playing the World of Warcraft with you. Remember that time those wolves attacked us? That was so fun. You were making jokes about "going all terrorist on their ass." That was hilarious. What is your home address? I want to send you a gift because we are friends. I am not a spy. I love this game."

"I am so excited about 'X-Men: Days of Future Past' and now the newly announced 'X-Men: Apocalypse' that I just had to take this time to announce the next films in the series. Coming in 2018, fans can see 'X-Men: Post Apocalyptic Cleanup Time.' This will of course be followed by back-to-back films in late 2019 and early 2020 called 'X-Men: Can't The Avengers Take This One?' and 'X-Men: If We Must.' Finally, in 2024, the X-Men film everyone is waiting for will hit theaters. Get ready for 'X-Men: Based on the Story Push By Sapphire.'" —@BryanSinger