90 Seconds on The Verge

1 jelly bean, 2 jelly beans, 3 jelly beans, 4 jelly beans, 5 jelly beans, 6 jelly beans, 7 jelly beans, 8 jelly beans, 9 jelly beans, 10 jelly beans, 11 jelly beans, 12 jelly beans, 13 jelly beans, 14 jelly beans, 15 jelly beans, 16 jelly beans, 17 jelly beans, 18 jelly beans, 19 jelly beans, 20 jelly beans, 21 jelly beans, 22 jelly beans, 23 jelly beans, 24 jelly beans. This is 90 Seconds on the Verge by the way. 25 jelly beans, 26 jelly beans, 27 jelly beans...

I may just be a lonely tech writer and occasional fan fiction fanatic, but damnit I want to be more! I want to stand atop a mountain, shouting at the top of my lungs. I want all who see me to know that I am Adi Robertson and I will not stand down. I am tech writer, hear me roar! Also, I would really love Google to give me billions of dollars.

What can you buy for $16 billion? That kind of money can get you 320,000 Tesla Model S cars, almost 64,002,560 copies of Titanfall Collector's Edition, 32,000,000,000 wings on half off wing night, 16 Instagrams in 2012, three years of making it rain in the club, and 329 Paul McCartney divorce settlements.

From Studio 8B at Vox Media, it's 90 Seconds on The Verge. On tonight's episode, we have Story One. Musical guest Story Two, and a special appearance by Story Three. Featuring Ross Miller and the John Lagomarsino band. Here's your host, Nathan Cykiert!

Flap. Flap. Crash. Repeat. Flap. Flap. Crash. Repeat. Flap. Flap. Crash. Repeat. Flap. Flap. Crash. Repeat. Flap. Flap. Crash. Repeat. Flap. Flap. Crash. Repeat. This is 90 seconds in the life of Flappy Shane.

Roses are red. Violets are blue. Tulips are white. Daisies are white with that yellow part in the middle. Sunflowers are yellow with that dark brown part in the middle. Bees love flowers. Happy Valentine's Day from 90 Seconds on The Verge!

Adrianne Jeffries was not able to write a description for 90 Seconds on The Verge as she was too busy preparing all of her Valentine's Day plans. Don't worry, she totally had planned all of this a while ago, but now she just needs to oversee everything. For instance, her dinner plans include reservations at that restaurant. You know, that really good one. What's the name again? Either way, it's all going to be amazing.

I, Ross Miller, have finally perfected the art of the perfect description of an episode of 90 Seconds on the Ver– wait, what do you mean I only have ten more seconds to write this? That's not enough time.

From the studio that brought you the remake of 'RoboCop' and 'Grown Ups 2' comes this summer's biggest action blockbuster, 'RoboBlart: Mall Cop.' When Officer Alex Murphy is kicked off the force for aggressive behavior, he's sent to the second most dangerous place in Michigan, Twelve Oaks Mall. Featuring edge-of-your-seat action, non-stop suspense, and loads of Cinnabons, this is film you don't want to miss. Coming Summer 2014!

Here is the updated 2014 Verge dress code: Formal Mondays, Overall Tuesdays, Scuba Suit Wednesdays, Denim Thursdays, and Very Casual Fridays. I must urge you all to follow the office dress code. Thank you very much and I will see you all in your overalls tomorrow.

We apologize for any errors you may have witnessed Adrianne Jeffries encounter today. To be completely honest, it's the end of the week and we're tired. So things didn't go exactly as we planned. Is it really that big of a problem? Come on! Why do you have to be like that? Why can't you just accept us the way we are? Whatever. Enjoy this episode. We'll see you on Monday.

Adi? Are you there? This is your bionic tooth, Denise. I am really worried about how quickly you are eating those pretzels. I can sense that at some point in the VERY near future, you are going to choke. Though it may simply be your destiny to choke to death on pretzels, I really think if you slowed down while consuming that bag of Rold Gold, you would have a much better chance of not dying. Please think about it. Please.

Greetings Verge 2014 friends! This is Ross Miller and I am writing to you from the year 2042. I am happy to announce that The Verge is still around and thriving in my world. Some things have changes though. For one, in 2033, Joshua Topolsky had his brain transferred into a robotic exoskeleton, making him the first sentient robot editor-in-chief. After the fall of New York City due to overpopulation in 2025, we moved the Verge office to Mars where we have since filled 50% of our staff with extraterrestrial beings. They're really nice. Also, in case anyone is wondering, Nilay Patel has replaced his blood with whiskey.

Unfortunately before we were able to let David know that a CEO was already chosen, he sent out the following letter to what he thought were his new employees at Microsoft: Hello everyone. My name is David Pierce and I am your new boss. I don't want to change too many things around the office, but I thought I would use this moment to announce some exciting news. First off, everyone must call me by my birth name, Chuck Bucklenuck. Secondly, Casual Fridays will now be limited to only hawaiian shirts. Finally, I will be changing the name of our company to 'Macrosoft.' I just want to try new things, ok? Anywho, thanks again for giving me this high paying job!

If you're looking for all the action and excitement of the Super Bowl, but without the overhyped commercials and Denver Broncos, you've come to the right place. This is 90 Seconds on The Verge with special guest Khaled Holmes, Center for the Indianapolis Colts.