Hindsight is Horrifying

“That’s Not My Scarecrow.” – Jeepers CreepersIf you can dodge The Creeper, you can dodge a ball! Thank you for joining us for Katie’s 6th appearance on the podcast! She is the reigning champion of #HIH appearances, so eat her dust, Adam Brown. In this particular horror film, there’s no lotion involved, even though the murderer requires the freshest, most fear-infused skin in order to Dorian Gray himself in the most gruesome way possible. To that end, we have to wonder if Buffalo Bill or The Creeper is more evil. Either way, this movie demonstrates that self-taxidermy is the ultimate survival tool and decoration skill. How else are you going to remain immortal in the Sistine Chapel of preserved bodies? As horrifying as he is, The Creeper does have mad processing skills. But for you #Hindsighters at home, don’t fret if you don’t have freshly skinned human for your recipes; you can use store-bought and no one will know the difference. #BarefootHotmessaAlong with his incredible talents in butchering, Darth and Jason would be remiss if they didn’t take this opportunity to applaud The Creeper’s abilities in recycling; so few horror villains are green enough to leave only footprints when they devour and/or wear their human victims. As far as Darth is concerned, the Creeper is basically Bobcat Goldthwait as a Whisperer with a massive torture truck (a.k.a rolling probable cause). That being said, the only thing dumber than going back to investigate a mysterious guy who’s CLEARLY throwing bloody bodies down a pipe is building a diner set on your own budget. We can only conclude that a lack of common sense is essential to the existence of any horror movie. There’s no other way to explain why most victims in scary films don’t possess a stronger instinct to “get the hell outta here”, or at least heed the advice of cut-rate Miss Cleo. Justin Long story short, Derry is a better escape artist than Harry Houdini (we still don’t know how he get out of that tunnel of bodies); in fact, he’s so talented that he manages to escape his own skin. #SpoilerAlert See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information.

Hocus Pocus: “Hang Him on a Hook and Let Me Play With Him!”Welcome to the Great British Baking Show: Witch Edition! If the Sanderson Sisters don’t become immortal on Halloween night, they will turn into dust! But don’t worry. According to Jason’s cook book, if you don’t have farm fresh witch dust, you can use non-dairy creamer, and no one will know the difference. #BareFootHotMessaRegardless of the ingredients in your recipe, don’t let the Kurgan lick the bowl; he’ll make it weird. Also, make absolutely sure that none of your lemons come from trolls, especially those who hate the sultry tones of Darth Jader.Have you ever seen a cat inflate after being destroyed by a city bus? More to the point, are you even living if you haven’t?  Luckily, our biggest fangirl, Katie, has returned to the studio to help us answer such questions! As children, we thought that Hocus Pocus was a movie about witches. We were so naïve. This particular movie is naught but a fable to ward children against talking black cats, mouth-stitched corpses, and ANYONE who happens to be a virgin. Most importantly, Hocus Pocus helps us to reiterate this lesson: STOP READING ALOUD FROM CREEPY BOOKS. Despite the Sanderson Sisters being the 3 Stooges of witches, Hocus Pocus teaches us that: Only bougie people drink apple cider and pumpkin spice ANYTHING. Vacuums SUCK as flying transport. Passing the Man Bar is far easier than passing than actual bar exam. Just ask Jason. Ultimately, we want to watch Bette Midler take on Emperor Palpatine in a lightening fight. Disney? *clap clap* Make it so. If you make this happen, we’ll “forget” about this “children’s movie” that focused so heavily on dead cats and sweet yabbos. We “promise”… See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information.

Are You Afraid of the Dark?: “Submitted for the approval of the Midnight Society…”Back in the day, when Melissa Joan Hart was the queen of Nickelodeon (when it was still worth watching), there was this spooky show about campfire stories. We all remember our favorite episodes of Are You Afraid of the Dark?Or do we…?When you move into the Grey Gardens house with the Witches of Eastwick, you have to expect a visit from a ghost. However, we all know that Morning Wood is far scarier than any ghost we might encounter.To that end, Darth can’t decide if it would be cooler to be killed by a ghost or pelted to death with gold coins. Regardless, she takes comfort in the fact that Jason will smother her with a pillow before he allows her to quote John Mulaney in her future nursing home. #TombstonemomentOn this episode, we welcome back our friend, Marie, as we discuss “Are You Afraid of the Dark?” a show that scared the holy hell out of countless children in the 90s. During this chilling episode, we learn the importance of handing a dead child his own coat, because apparently, even ghosts get cold.This show does leave us wondering … what’s the creepiest thing a ghost can say? “I’m cold” can’t possibly take home the gold chocolate coins. And speaking of candy, why don’t circus peanuts take as much abuse as candy corn? Discuss.The bits of wisdom we extract from this episode are as follows: It pays to be a Mouseketeer. Liberace could play the typewriter like a BAWSE. Museum exhibits that include dead bodies are TERRIBLY LOUD. We discuss these fine points and much more on our latest episode. So, #Hindsighters, settle in and throw some non-dairy creamer onto the camp fire, because we don’t care about submitting for your approval. See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information.

Ernest Scared Stupid: “I Sure Hope You’re From Keebler!”On this delightful episode, Darth’s friend Jeremy (whose headstone will read “Ernest Scared Stupid ‘Expert’ #TombstoneMoment”) joins in for some Halloween fun in the studio to discuss a staple of all our childhoods, Ernest P. Worrell.For most of us, Ernest was such a constant presence in our lives that we may forget his origin story from this film, which doomed him to dim-wittedness and garbage truck antics.In spite of Ernest’s simple qualities, Darth wants to vacation in the Ernest multiverse, where the rules make way more sense than in the Stephen King universe. Pennywise is all-powerful, but his powers are surprisingly random and limited. Deal with IT, Young Adam. Though Ernest never defeated Sasquatch, he and the Ninja Turtles were the only heroes cool enough to attack their enemies with pizzas.For real though, Jim Varney was someone that this world simply did not deserve. Thank goodness we still have Matt Smith, a.k.a the last Doctor that both Darth and Jason mutually adore and respect. Your beloved podcasters also respect the costumers of Ernest Scared Stupid, who clearly made more of an effort than those of Halloweentown.Naturally, we have questions about this episode and its correlating movie: Why does the town sheriff have any sort of jurisdiction over the sanitation department? Why can’t Jason tell the difference between The Office and Golden Girls? Why do we even HAVE that lever?!? Let us stop asking questions before the weight of logic crushes us beneath the shield of the paper thin plot of this movie. This won’t stop us, however, from professing our crossover theory.Stick with us: Ernest is a supernatural being who was placed in this story…oh nevermind, that’s some utter nonsense that Jason would think up.What we ultimately learn from this film is that trolls are weaker than milk (powdered or otherwise), and are utterly susceptible to Ernest’s tender dancing skills. Trolls are especially weaker than the pure love and memory of Jim Varney, our collective pal and beloved childhood friend. You know what we mean, Vern. See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information.

Halloweentown: “Being Normal is Vastly Overrated.”Welcome to the first episode of our Halloween series! In this Disney original, we join a brand new guest, Michele, to discuss the story of a powerful witch as she guides her innocent granddaughter down the path of the mysterious and demonic.In this film, Aggie Cromwell has a pet purse that is clearly the bastard child of Mary Poppins’ carpet bag and the Monster Book of Monsters. #Hindsighters, we always thought that our grandmas simply didn’t want us to rifle through and subsequently disorganize their purses; now we know that they were all smuggling pentagrams and fetish dolls. Shockingly, Jason hates this movie even more than Clueless, so he distracted himself with our latest studio toy. Oh yes, listeners, we’ve given Jason the power of sound effects, and Darth regrets everything.In other and utterly superfluous news, Jason will henceforth be known as The Occurrence. He’ll be updating his social media handles accordingly and getting some trashy tattoos.Despite the fluffy nature of Halloweentown, Darth and Jason took away some important lessons: Britney Spears is grocery store music; she has gone the way of the hair scrunchie. Selling your soul to a warlock for good looks is a legit way to go if it lands you date with a witch. Transforming a dead chicken to a live chicken inside a refrigerator is the ultimate prank. In the Lion King, Mufasa tells Simba that “When we die, our bodies become the grass, and the antelope eat the grass.” Halloweentown, however, leaves us hanging with a deeply ecumenical and existential question: When we die, do we go to Halloweentown? Because for Jason, being eaten by antelope might be a preferable option.Regardless of their empirical dilemmas, Darth and Jason have to give mad props to Princess Leia’s mom. Aggie is far too powerful to be defeated by a crappy warlock who roofies people with light-up Poke Balls, even if she cheats on occasion to make spells with Ramen noodle magic.Get excited #Hindsighters, because Darth and Jason look forward to spending their first Halloween season with you. Steel yourselves for plenty of dark humor and a surprisingly diverse selection of movies, because we’re comin’ at ya. Hindsight, OUT. See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information.

10 Things I Hate About You : “I Heard He Ate a Live Duck Once.”*DISCLAIMER* Darth takes NO RESPONSIBILITY for these show notes. The men on this particular episode are the conductors of the Hot Mess Express. Also, we have to formally apologize to Randy and decent human beings everywhere because Adam Brown remains the King of wildly necessary editing.We’re telling you, if you think that our passable material is rough, you guys don’t even want to know what we’ve had to cut. Needless to say, we require more crickets and mute buttons.Welcome to Part II of the Battle Royale, where Darth and Katie serve up some pain to the boys in the form of a 1999 classic. This is the episode where we discover that Darth Jader can’t pronounce “subterfuge”, “reprise”, or “salsa”.The most fascinating revelations of this episode, however, are Jason’s obsession with Oscar Isaac and Adam Brown’s crush on Don Johnson, despite being a self-described “flaming heterosexual”. Regardless, neither Oscar nor Don could keep our HIH fellas from frequenting the lesbian bars back in the day.10 Things I Hate About You teaches us that high schoolers can get drunk and sober up at Light Speed, so a successful party is all about proper snacks and memorable moments. You need brie, table dancing drunk chicks, and a random guy falling off the roof if you expect anyone to enjoy themselves.Listeners, let’s be honest. We know that every high school is different and they all have different agendas and criterion. However, we WILL shame your learning curve if you don’t know how to draw your own genitalia. If you’re falling behind on this lost art, consult your guidance counselor; they’re probably writing dirty novels in their office, anyway. On that note, Ms. Perky is grown-up Tina Belcher, and we are 100% here for it.Speaking of counseling, #Hindsighters, don’t let Jason discourage your love for Harry Potter; get sorted into your Hogwarts house today! JUST TO PISS OFF JASON, HERE’S THIS LINK TO BNL because the music in this movie is incredible.We know you’re biting your nails on the edge of your seats to find out if the guys or girls emerge victorious from this battle of wits and crass comments, so tune in now and enjoy the Battle Royale: Part Deux! See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information.

Night Shift: Edible paper! You Eat it, it’s Gone…Eat it, it’s Outta There!Welcome to our first (and hopefully regular) menage a quad! *term trademarked by Adam Brown*#Hindsighters (as Katie has aptly labeled you), it’s hoes before bros on Part 1 of this brand-new type of episode. Darth and Katie challenge Jason and Adam Brown in a cinematic battle of the sexes!Imagine a world where Batman and alternate-universe, lackluster Fonzie open a brothel to become chivalrous hustlers in their local morgue; oh, and Batman has a mental disorder where he can only sing Jumpin’ Jack Flash.This film is a classic case of cheering for an underdog. After all, what everyman doesn’t get ahead by becoming a pimp? Oh! Sorry about that. We meant to say “love broker”. According to Miss Manners, “whore” is a rude term to apply to people in the sex trade. However, a whore who cooks partially naked for your man is not to be trusted, especially if she was recently busted out of Night Court. Here’s a pro tip from us to you, #Hindsighters: If a man refuses to pay you for services rendered, bite him on the ass. You’ll land your own ass in Night Court, but it’s totally worth it.Speaking of which, Belinda might be a whore with a heart of gold, but Julia Roberts is the Disney Princess of hookers. However, Night Shift and Pretty Woman do share the important similarity that is the classic 80s montage. During the Night Shift montage, the love brokering ladies acquire fancy clothes while Fonzie stuffs money into a coffee can. The lesson here? We all celebrate differently.We learned some other lessons from this movie: It’s okay to acquire money illegally so long as you spend your ill-gotten gains in an honorable fashion. Chuck might have pimped out some 80s ladies, but he did it to buy his dad a truly pimpin’ headstone. #Tombstonemoment Hooking is high-risk and generally low-reward; invest your money wisely, establish a 401K, and BOUNCE straight out of that profession before a John breaks your arm. We’ve all experienced that awkward moment when underwhelming Fonzie and hooker Diane are having relationship troubles while mentally stunted Batman is stuck in the middle … this is just the kind of problem that can be solved by Variant Brewing, so long as you pair your beer with the correct Brendan Fraser movie.Stay tuned for the next exciting chapter of the Battle Royale, where we finally determine if the guys or the girls emerge victorious on a scale of Alf to Seinfeld. In the meantime, we’ll leave you with this final uplifting thought. Every time we mention autoerotic asphyxiation, an Australian takes a shot. See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information.

The Adventures of Baron Munchausen – Is There a Doctor in the Fish?Drop some acid, smoke some peyote. Do what you’ve got to do to prepare yourself for one of the trippiest movies of all time. But what else can you expect from Terry Gilliam, a.k.a the animation hippie of the Monty Python universe? Welcome to The Adventures of Baron Munchausen, where suspension of disbelief and avoidance of logical thinking are your only potential survival guides in a world where the hero is named after a mental illness. To answer your question, yes. We are also surprised that this movie was given a grander budget than Highlander.On this madcap episode, we finally figure out the name of that toy that looks like the planet Saturn. To that end, we can only assume that the film’s costume designer was intentionally trying to make Robin Williams look like a Wild Wild West Pogo Ball. If nothing else, we learn that men are far more logical and reasonable when they’re not busy being distracted by their bodily impulses. The King of the Moon did invent Spring, but he also gets super sprung whenever he sees his wife flirting with another man.To make up for a lot of trauma, Terry Gilliam gives us some beautiful moments with Uma Thurman, who has officially joined the ranks of the Hindsight is Horrifying Babes. Uma, your certificate is in the mail.Fun fact: Christopher Lambert was supposed to be in Baron Munchausen, but his wires didn’t lift him high enough to save him from being cut from this movie. We honestly have a hard time believing that anything was cut from this movie, because it went on for way too long.The Adventures of Baron Munchausen forces us to ask ourselves: do our favorite childhood films only reign supreme in our unique senses of nostalgia? Or were they actually good? It’s still up for debate to this day, so we’re sorry for that lack of opinion for once. All we know is that you’ll injure yourself trying to shoe-horn logic into this film.The most conclusive thought we can reach for The Adventures of Baron Munchausen is that giant fish, base-jumping horses, Time Lords with epically large noses, and mild nudity add up to a perfect 2-hour distraction for children.What we know for certain is this: elephants might be afraid of mice, but that’s because they’ve never seen the demon that Meg tried to leave in Darth Jader’s house. Dolls make HORRIFYING house-warming gifts. You read it here first. See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information.

The Lost Boys – Michael Michael Michael!On our continued 80s kick, we discuss The Lost Boys, where the rules are made up and the lore doesn’t matter! On this episode, we welcome the hardest-working woman in show business, Alicen Cowan, who joins us to discuss the beginning of the reign of the two Coreys.While we most certainly shed a few tears in mourning for the Head Vampire of character actors, Edward Herrmann, this movie makes for a fun stroll through the 80s, where the print was loud and the music was louder.Canadian Kiefer Sutherland makes his first appearance in an American film as the Billy Idol of vampires, and we find that vampirism and douchebaggery are NOT mutually exclusive, especially when you rock pierced ears and sunglasses at night. Even having Alex Winter in your crew can’t save you from that look. Listeners, it doesn’t matter if you’re caught in the throes of a vampire transformation. There is ALWAYS time for blue jean sex, but not if you’re wearing your shoes in bed.Here are some pro tips when dealing with paranormal beings: When you’re dining at a friend’s house, never balk at the cuisine. Even maggots and worms can taste great when you add a little salt and pepper. Melting a vampire in your bathtub is always a messy business and will wreak havoc on the indoor plumbing.  Darth and Jason conclude that The Lost Boys eschews vampire tradition by having absolutely no solid rules about supernatural creatures, so that’s fun. In fact, the only traditional aspect of this vampire movie is its strong homoerotic vibes. To that end, shake things up and remember to vote Jason Mitchell for Head Vampire 2020. He may not be the perfect amalgam of action heroes like Edgar Frog, but he will put your tax dollars to work by reinstating tradition in vampire movies .Lastly, The Lost Boys teaches us that it’s okay to drive impaired so long as the only thing you kill is a vampire. Grandpa doesn’t get stoned; he just has fun. See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information.

Highlander: There Can Be Only One!We got tired of having randos in our studio, so this week, it’s just your beloved Darth and Jason at the helm of this 80s classic that also poses as a complete train wreck. It’s not often that a movie offers up wrestler strip-teases AND immortal blue jean sex, but Jason selected a film that provides them both. Get excited.We can’t decide if Clancy Brown or Tim Curry chews more scenery when they go off the improvising rails. To be fair, Clancy Brown may take home the belt when it comes to nearly murdering fellow actors, but this makes sense if you caught his performance on Rick and Morty. Christopher Lambert was also in this movie at some point, but the real star of the film was his utterly indecipherable accent; in fact, it might be even more nonsensical than the background of his “Egyptian” mentor.Apparently, we can blame Argentina (goodbye to yet another country) and Highlander fans themselves for the poor quality of Highlander sequels. Ultimately, Jason applies the same sense of denial to the sequels that Darth uses for Spider-Man 3. Regardless, this franchise may stand alone as the only one to ever be improved by a subsequent television series.None of this really matters in a film where logic slices through the plot like car battery sparks through a longsword. Honestly, in a movie where quasi-Scottish Bruce Wayne cannot achieve mortal omnipotence until all the immortals are dead, your suspension of disbelief is key.We’d be remiss, however, if we didn’t mention the most timeless aspects of this beloved 80s film. Queen’s amazing music, Peter Diamond’s legendary stunt training, and Sean Connery’s mere 7-day presence help to solidify Highlander as an immortal and treasured classic.Our last piece of advice is this. Ladies, don’t make your man light an annual candle. White Fang his ass and die like a low-maintenance bawse. See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information.

Ferris Bueller’s Day Off : They Think He’s a Righteous Dude!To think, there was once a time when people felt safe enough to make out with Charlie Sheen in a police station (or anywhere else, for that matter). Welcome to the school-ditcher’s guide to Chicago!Listeners, we welcome our first legitimate adult to the podcast, the legendary, the amazing Morgan Rodgers! Darth’s dad showed up on the scene dressed in his sophisticated take on Ferris Bueller, and it just doesn’t get more epic than that.On this particular episode, Jason, Darth, and Morgan discuss the greatest John Hughes film of all time. Ferris Bueller’s Day Off is a feel-good movie where the characters are as light as feathered 80s hair, complete with shoulder pads, leg warmers, and one seriously cool car.To be fair, Cameron may have gotten murdered by his father after he destroyed that beautiful Ferrari, but Ferris runs home in time to witness the defeat of the evil emperor Rooney. And isn’t that what really matters?On our journey through 1986 Chicago with Ferris and the gang, we discovered some fun facts: Twist and Shout was used in Ferris Bueller’s Day Off and Back to School. Finally, a hot meal for Paul and Ringo. Cameron is the protagonist and Ferris is the antagonist. Discuss. Danke Schoen is the gopher through-line of Ferris Bueller’s Day Off. Ben Stein has no room for improvment in his knowledge of economics. Of course, even perfect 80s classics leave us with unanswered questions. Is Abe Froman the real Sausage King of Chicago? We may never know, and we’ll also always wonder why he never showed up to his lunch reservation at that French restaurant. Regardless, the charm of Ferris Bueller prevails. This should be evident if for no other reason than the incredible Mr. Rodgers picked it for his episode. So jump in the Ferrari with your favorite podcasters and enjoy the ride. See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information.

Animaniacs! Hellllooooooo, NURSE!It’s a momentous episode, listeners, because @Darth_Jader_ and Jason Mitchell welcome their first male guest who isn’t named Adam! But that makes us sound cooler than we are, because this guest is also from our Shakespeare Troupe, a.k.a our only group of friends.We joined our non-Adam acquaintance, our Don Jon, Randy Bampfield, this week to discuss Animaniacs and stroll down memory lane to visit other beloved childhood programming.Who knew a cartoon could be such an eccentrically outlandish variety show? We’re just grateful that it’s nothing like The Brady Bunch Hour. Not even the Brady family had the Wheel of Morality, and they never even TRIED to take over the world.Some of you who love Animaniacs are too young to remember President Bill Clinton on Arsenio Hall back in the day, and it shows. We’ll get over it, however, because we’ve got much bigger things to worry about, like Quentin Tarantino directing a Star Trek movie. Wubba Lubba Dubb Dubb!Which Batman was better? Either way, we’re psyched to announce that we finally found a show that definitively proves Jason’s theory that ANY show or movie can be improved by the presence of the Dark Knight.On this episode, we reminisce about the 80s, when America only watched cartoons starring animal/humanoid hybrids. We’re aware that you young’uns born after the 80s don’t know what Vertical Hold or Laser Discs are. Feel free to see yourselves out. All that to be said, Wendy and Marvin were the Scrappy-Doo of the Super Friends. Fight us.What is your policy on watching nudity with your parents? Our only conclusion is that it’s awkward to watch risqué movies with the people who used to sing you Captain Kangaroo songs when you were a small child. Do with that what you will.If nothing else, listeners, do you yourselves the favor of furthering your knowledge of our awesome guest, the talented Randy Bampfield. He doesn’t have a gun to our heads, or anything. Just go see his shows if you want to make sure that we live to podcast again.We’ll leave you with these scintillating final thoughts: Tom Kenny is reaching Jim Cummings and Mark Hamill levels of ubiquity in the voiceover world. HD killed the special effects of older movies.  T.A.R.D.I.S costumes should NEVER be mentioned lightly. Darth should stop inviting boys on this show. Until next time, weirdos. Hindsight OUT. See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information.

IT, PART TWO! We All Float Down Here, Georgie!Between the Mothman and Pennywise, @Darth_Jader_ and @northfoggy are amazed that anyone still showers. Nonetheless, join us as Young Adam (amongst our flourishing Adam collection) returns for his second appearance on the exciting conclusion of Stephen King’s IT!How do you bust a ghost? Proton packs. How do you murder a demon clown from space? Silver pellets and inhaler mist, DUH. But we would’ve paid good money to watch Harry Anderson try to defeat Pennywise with some close-up magic; not even Batman could improve a movie to that degree.We discover upon revisiting IT that this movie has aged so poorly, yet Pennywise still has his moments. Speaking of which, are you too afraid to Google the library scene from IT? We can help with that! Just try not to flinch when the bursting balloons splash you with blood.That being said, ladies, it’s only acceptable to be slutty with boys who have ALSO been haunted and terrorized by a clown. The marital status of said boys is irrelevant so long as they’ve helped you clean copious amount of gore out of your bathroom sink.In that same vein, who was the better bloodletter? Was it Tim Curry or John Wayne Gacy? We think the balloon budget alone should give Pennywise an edge in this race.Not convinced? That’s okay. Consider some lessons from IT while you ponder this epic debate: When your husband suddenly leaves town to “murder a clown”, that’s really just code for visiting his mistress. Be sure to keep the T.A.R.D.I.S meter running when you’re revisiting traumatic memories from your childhood. IT is the original prequel to Breaking Bad (though we doubt Saul would be very helpful in this situation). If you can’t get access to boobs WITHOUT climbing into a sewer, seek help immediately. The Deadlights are no worse than Dementors; have some chocolate and move on. Ultimately, IT teaches us that bikes are just like clowns; they only have as much power as you grant them in your mind. That is indisputable Stephen King logic.Our biggest issue with IT is that the Lucky 7 gathers to dispose of their worst nightmare and save the town of Derry from a scourge of child murders, but first … Chinese food. To that end, we need the fortune cookie scene to be done again with the Banana Boat song and some Calypso dancing. Hollywood? Make it so.Seriously, though. Pennywise could have been defeated so much more quickly if the Loser’s Club included Kevin McAllister (assuming he had the proper amount of prep time).You can’t blame the complete void of action on the Lucky 7, however. It is Pennywise who tries to outsource his murders to an unstable psychiatric patient and a Rottweiler (we may have stopped paying attention to the movie at some point).Our official conclusion is that IT doesn’t have protagonists or antagonists…just losers. #LosersclubBut never fear, because there’s always time for a wholesome bike montage. See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information.

Beep Beep, Richie!This week in It, we find that Tim Curry is the Robin Williams of the horror genre. Regardless, Jim Carrey still has him beat when it comes to prosthetic teeth.Welcome to the first ever two-part episode of Hindsight is Horrifying, where we flip the script and discuss our very first “horror” movie!Regardless of how It has aged (*cough* BADLY *cough*), we stand by the fact that Pennywise is the OG killer clown from outer space, so all of you posers out there can stay seated alongside the not-real Slim Shadys. But seriously, guys, remember the old days of playing outside before all the rapists and killer clowns came along?On this oddly humorous episode about a blood-thirsty clown demon, @northfoggy and @Darth_Jader_ are delighted by the company of Young Adam (not to be confused with “Old Adam” or “Really Old Adam”). Listeners, we may have a problem. How many Adams are too many Adams? Does it make a difference if we met them in a Shakespeare group? We can only hope that Neil Degrasse Tyson has come up with an algorithm for such things.Along with the excitement of a brand new guest, Jason lauds us with a tale of his journey to Galaxy’s Edge at Disneyland. And, in case you haven’t heard, this incredible new installment of the Disney Universe includes a character invented by one of Darth’s oldest friends! True story! Delilah S. Dawson, famous author and general badass, created the character of Vi Moradi, who you can read about in Phasma and actually meet at Galaxy’s Edge! But you’ll have to beat Darth Jader there, and she can make the Kessel Run in less than 12 parsecs.IT forces us to ask an important question: If the Murtaugh’s house was just around the corner from the sewer of Georgie’s demise, where was our favorite cop buddy duo during this time of crisis in Derry? DAMN IT, RIGGS!And speaking of multiverses, teenyverses, and the like, Billy Madison and It have more in common than you might know. Our personal multiverse theory is that the clown from Billy Madison takes a nasty fall and sustains a head injury which transforms him into Pennywise. #trademarkedWe have many general observations after this particular episode: Comas can be cured by bike rides. For all the murders and dismemberment in It, at least the pharmacist is nice, unlike the evil druggist in It’s a Wonderful Life. Some of you lucky listeners still don’t understand the skill it took to live in a time before the “previous” button on TV remotes, and it shows. A large rock will kill nearly anyone (including Rick and Summer). It turns out, you don’t need an inhaler or silver pellets to commit clown murder.  Jonathan Brandis and John Ritter were awesome. Ultimately, the real mystery remains: besides the temptation of @DragonCon and girls, how could It lure you into a sewer? We have to know. Blow us up on the Countenance Novel, Tweeter, or a relevant social medium. Listeners, we’ve had a lot of fun tonight. But despite our funny remarks and nonchalance, don’t think we haven’t taken this episode seriously. We know that many of you are dealing with past trauma and abuse that just might be surfacing in your adult minds, but don’t think you’re alone. Reach out. If you need help, please consult our most trusted advisor, Repressed Memory Emily. She may not remember anything you say, but she’s always there to listen. See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information.

So, on this episode, JASON SCREWED SOMETHING UP. The long and short of it is that Jason managed to “accidentally” lose the first few minutes of this episode. For his ineptitude, we do apologize. If you want to eviscerate him, feel free to troll him on Twitter or Instagram at @northfoggy.LISTENERS! Shawann (wanny.g) has never heard of Nirvana, which makes Darth and Jason feel incredibly old; your favorite podcast hosts keep bringing on younger and younger guests … maybe something needs to change.In this episode, we do much wonder … what would a sequel to Mrs. Doubtfire even look like? Don’t bother answering, because we know you can’t improve upon perfection, and we aren’t interested in anyone trying.Improvisation is the name of the game in this Robin Williams classic. And just in case you’re wondering, listeners, Robin Williams and Jim Carrey are the goofy kings of Darth’s heart. What other men can be 90 different characters in less than an hour? On top of which, how many actors would commit to so many hours of makeup application just to bring a character to life?No matter the project, Robin Williams was the pig. Confused? Don’t be. Because when it comes to bacon and eggs, the chicken was involved, but the pig was COMMITTED (Dustin Hoffman, you just got schooled) #Tootsie .Kidnap our daughters all day long; DON’T KILL OUR DOGS. Lesson learned, Liam Neeson: put a bell on your damned kid. Why doesn’t your “particular set of skills” include keeping track of your daughter BEFORE she gets kidnapped?Here’s our Hollywood pitch (instead of yet another Taken sequel): re-cast the Paul Feig Ghostbusters, but make sure all actresses commit to a Desert Island situation before they ever film the movie. If that won’t build chemistry between the stars, nothing will. We’ll loan them our volley ball.Venturing back to Mrs. Doubtfire, this movie teaches us many great lessons. Here are just a few: There’s NOTHING that Mental Floss doesn’t know. For instance, in Mrs. Doubtfire, Robin Williams says the word “dear” over 100 TIMES. It’s intense. Halloween is the best holiday, second only to DragonCon, Darth’s highest of holy holidays. You might not be aware, but Jason LOVES Community and Babylon 5. Darth can bring ANYTHING back to Pirates of the Caribbean. Much like the Toy Story franchise, Mrs. Doubtfire will literally rip out your heart and soul (That one’s pretty obvious, but we felt compelled to mention it). Despite all these valuable lessons, we still have some questions: Who the HELL has an allergy to pepper?!? Also, are you really having a stroke if you smell pizza instead of toast?Regardless, Mrs. Doubtfire remains a beloved favorite in our hearts. It was the first movie to introduce us “drive-by fruitings”. Seriously, though. The Genie throws an orange at James Bond. It’s awesome.This movie, like so many Robin Williams projects, will leave you feeling both uplifted and melancholy, but wasn’t that the real magic of our favorite comedian? See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information.