Hindsight is Horrifying

DAMN IT, RIGGS!The special word of today’s episode is…”HOOKER”!Seriously, though, everyone and their mom is naked at the beginning of Lethal Weapon. We don’t see how this movie COULDN’T remind you of The Color Purple. Listeners, here it is. We don’t care how big of a birthday he’s having. It is NEVER acceptable to surprise your dad with a cake while he’s naked in the tub.When your prostitute daughter commits non-Kevorkian style suicide, who can you call but Roger Murtaugh and Martin Riggs? This hooker/heroin conspiracy is, quite simply, one of the top 5 Christmas movies of all time. To that end, whenever you find yourself in a Christmas tree lot, never forget to use the Fun Dip method of testing cocaine with your knife.We interrupt this description to make a few announcements: Here at #HindsightIsHorrifying, we don’t believe in product placement. #DrinkVariant Contrary to Jason’s impression, Clark Gable was not trying to commit suicide in WWII. Darth was also incorrect about the details behind the passing of Steve Irwin; she formally apologizes to cameramen everywhere and sincerely hopes that you’re all still alive.  Mel Gibson IS the lethal weapon. He’s basically Jairo from @BobsBurgersFOX; he takes down Mr. Joshua with sexy dance fighting (belated spoiler alert). John Roberts, you’re Darth’s TV mom and she loves you.Fun fact: In the 80s, women were only allowed to do cocaine if they were dressed as a catholic school girl or a dominatrix. Thankfully, we’ve moved passed that in 2019. #FeminismLethal Weapon begs the question: Is it better to smuggle heroin in coffee or egg nog? Either way, sloths make rather considerate neighbors.Can anyone put Darth in touch with the helicopter pilot from this movie? She wants to shake his hand, but not as badly as she wants Mel Gibson to murder her with his thighs. She wants you to Jailhouse Rock her world. #TombstoneMoment See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information.

This week, Jason and Katie enjoy their Dark Alchemy and Moon Cloud from Variant Brewing while Darth is denied her Raspberry Lemon Gose; she makes due with the delicious Conditional Love. Whoever bought the last of her favorite crowler, you know who you are and you’re dead to us.We are totally buggin’ in this episode where you can practically hear Jason’s manhood dying a slow, painful death as Darth and Katie discuss dresses and how dreamy Paul Rudd is. We ask you, who DOESN’T want an ex-step brother to fall in love with?As inconceivable as it seems to have Wallace Shawn in a 90s teen flick, he makes an appearance to teach the youth of America about debate and Haitians. Fortunately, he avoids getting into a land war in Asia along the way.There are quite a few takeaways in this week’s episode: Despite his ability to shave his head and keep it real, Turk just doesn’t look right without J.D. The 688 club was basically Atlanta’s Studio 54 back in the day, but Dicky Barrett couldn’t stage dive well enough to play there. Jason is a “professional” man who represents the entire male species. You can tweet your displeasure about this to @northfoggy. We also get some really great dating lessons from Clueless.To have the perfect date night, bake some cookie dough for your cake boy and binge some Tony Curtis. Just make sure you don’t fall off the bed when you strike a pose. Also, if you want to sound smart in front of a man, make sure to mention the existential nature of Ren & Stimpy. But if a guy doesn’t return your affections, ladies, just blow off school and catch the new Christian Slater!The ultimate dating questions are whether you are a Betty or a Monet? A Baldwin or a Barney? You’ll never land a sibling significant other until you find out.As always, listeners, we appreciate you tolerating our weekly bout of nonsense.We’re Audi. See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information.

You listeners are getting lucky tonight, because there’s no actual death or rape in Much Ado About Nothing!We’re changing it up and going Inside the Actors Studio in this very special episode to discuss our upcoming play in Alpharetta. Join us in interviewing the stars of the show, Darth Jader and Adam Brown!Narcissism and slut-shaming run deep in the play that taught many of us about the fine line between love and hate. After all, we ladies know that boys only pull the hair of the girls that they like. Isn’t the hair-pulling process how most of us wound up married?The undisputed fact is this: Who run the world? GIRLS. We’re the reason you fellas lurched out of your caves in the first place (and some of us even bring you beer). Seriously, though, listeners; Beatrice is Darth’s Beyoncé.In this particular episode, we wonder if you have to be damaged to perform Shakespeare. If you do, Adam and Darth have that market cornered, so bring on the emotional trauma. Regardless, if you get stabbed, it doesn’t matter to the stake.The real question is, are you anti-Stratford like Adam, or are you on Darth and Jason’s side (a.k.a the winning team)?Notwithstanding, be #TeamShakespeare and join us this weekend for Much Ado About Nothing to witness Beatrice and Benedick as the original wedding crashers. We have two shows left on May 18th and 19th at the Alpharetta Arts Center, so don’t miss out!Whether you enjoy our show with us or not, we’ll leave you with these thoughts: Don’t be like Ophelia. You might be ruined, but you’re not as stabby as Mel Gibson.  “There is one god, and his prophet is Bill Bryson.” – Jason Mitchell According to Adam, David Tennant is the greatest Scottish actor since Lenny Bruce. If a woman’s bedroom is adorned in Disney, hit the eject button. We’ll take Jessica Williams and Randy Bampfield over Denzel and Keanu any day. Until next time, listeners, adieu. Darth and the boys are off to crash a sex party. See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information.

Death Race 2000: Try Not to Think About Auto Erotic Asphyxiation.On this week’s episode, Jason gains gender support from our first male guest, podcast virgin, Adam, who selected one of the most bizarre and fantastic movies that Darth has ever seen. And she remembers the time of VHS!You might be surprised that Adam was disciplined enough to stay dry during our run of Much Ado About Nothing until Darth and Jason got a hold of him; we’re such a bad influence on our guests. But if we’re going to peer pressure a friend into drinking, we’ll make sure they’re drinking Variant because our product placement is on point.On a different note, we wouldn’t assume that we’d have to tell you this, listeners, but consider yourselves warned, because In Man vs. Car, the car always wins. This is especially true if two brothers with a strong bond are driving a van over your pathetic fisherman body.Machine Gun Joe has Bene-real-dick (we’ll see ourselves out). But seriously ladies, remember to keep something sweet in your ear unless you want a swift punch to the face.With that not-so-subtle nod to a Shakespearean character, we’re expecting ALL of you to attend our show that opens this weekend, May 10, at 7:30 pm in Wills Park. This invite includes all our Aussie friends. You’ve got time; buy a plane ticket.You listeners have no idea how hard Adam and Darth have been working on this play; they went so far with their characterization that they’re not even sure who they are anymore. If you’re interested in discovering their process, it’s something akin to the Emma Stone method from The Actress. Despite their best efforts as actors, however, Adam and Darth are simply too wise to squanch peaceably.Also, Jason is the director of the play…or, something. No one really cares.As always, we can’t let you leave us without some parting wisdom learned from Death Race 2000: There’s nothing sexier than a man who slowly peels off his pleather gimp suit before making love to you with his 6 Million Dollar Man parts. Don’t call Adam “Benedict”; he’ll be a real dick about it (once again, we’ll see ourselves out). It’s never okay to Cosby your navigator. Keep your puddin’ pop in your pants, fellas. Finally, to all our ladies out there: Improve your three-point-turn if you don’t want to be blown up by a landmine or a “hand grenade”.Until next time, keep that blood lust pumping. After all, you can’t earn points without mowing down some infants and geriatrics. See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information.

SOMEBODY, STOP ME!And the Oscar for Tightest Red Dress goes to…Cameron Diaz (a.k.a. the human Jessica Rabbit in The Mask)! Don’t be fooled, gang. Jason pretends to hate this amazing movie while TOTALLY appreciating all of Cameron’s ASSets. The lesson to be taken from this is that you, too, can fall in mutual VD if you wait long enough for the hot girl to settle for you.Welcome back to 1994, the year that Jim Carrey revealed himself as the mischievous god of comedy who would come to rule Darth’s imagination and heart. Oddly enough, this was the same year that Jason was still catering to (not FOR) all the johns of the city. It’s honestly the only reason why he’s able to smoothly incorporate prostitute humor into his Dad Jokes.The Mask shows us that Stanely Ipkiss was the inspiration for Ted Buckland on Scrubs. Also, Nathan Lane now performs at the Coco Bongo club; he’s basically the Lady Chablis of South Beach.We normally don’t do what we’re about to do, so pay attention, listeners, and get excited, for we have some historic news. #HindsightIsHorrifying is officially hosting our first male guest! He will be joining us on our next episode to discuss Death Race 2000 as well as our upcoming show in Alpharetta, Much Ado About Nothing. This Shakespearean production is directed by Jason Mitchell, in spite of some promotional misunderstanding.Now, we understand that some of you simply don’t love us enough to cross oceans for this free show that we’re putting on next week for our parents. That being said, stay tuned to find out where we will be live streaming our Shakespearean production. Aussies, we’re counting on you. Show us that love from Down Under.Did you know that The Mask and Archer only implement sodomy in the strictest legal definition? Welcome back to the movie description. We felt you guys were getting a little off topic with that Shakespeare nonsense.Anyway! Working backwards, Artie from Kimmy Schmidt = Lt. Kellaway from The Mask = Boone from Animal House. We knew that would blow your mind up just like a circus balloon shaped by a carnie in a dark alley!Don’t think we’re letting you get away without the important lessons learned from this movie: Monogamy is NOT a type of wood. If you ever hear Darth don a British accent, don’t believe a word she says. All henchman should have fabulous hair and all FBI agents should hold hands. Hootie & the Blowfish should never try to rob a bank. White Fanging is ONLY okay with girlfriends and bosses, not dogs. Who else is going to find your keys OR your cheese? Lastly, we realize that there was an actual lesson in this movie. Stanley Ipkiss had the courage he needed all along, even without the mask. So if he ever goes looking for his heart’s desire again … oh wait, he already found it with Tina Carlyle, so he’s all set. See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information.

Have you ever felt like the puppy who lost his way? Welcome to Billy Madison.*Disclaimer: There is NO PROVEN CORRELATION between Adam Sandler movies and cancer*Get excited for Nudey Magazine Day! In this 1995 classic, we discover that we would have learned so much more in high school if only Chris Farley had been our strip-tease tutor. (Odd how Chris Farley keeps popping up on this show.) Darth and Jason also demand the IMMEDIATE reinstatement of Dodgeball and Red Rover in schools.Quick question: If a clown falls off a pair of stilts in the middle of a party…does he make a sound? More importantly, does anyone even notice until the song number?After re-watching Billy Madison, Darth is left wondering if her own first grade teacher used to seize to sitar music while slathering herself with glue. But it’s not a totally bewildering loss, because Jason teaches Darth the invaluable lesson that, if you want to bag you a man, bring him some Snack Pack or Popeyes chicken. Just don’t chase an imaginary penguin around your father’s estate or act like Juanita. Men don’t care for that.You’ll be excited to learn that we’ll be selling tickets to the Pete Sampras vs. Jason Mitchell/John McEnroe dodgeball fight. Samuel L. Jackson is scheduled to appear. The penguin told us to do this. We WILL NOT, however, be challenging the roller derby chicks because they would beat our asses. Rather, they and all UFC fighters are welcome to attend the dodgeball fight for free, regardless of the state of their ears. That isn’t to say that Darth is scared of anyone, for her grandma dressed her to defeat the wind. In case you needed some random information, we’ve got it here: Jason thinks that ducks look like penises. In case you were wondering. Snuffleupagus is NOT a Heffalump; stop being racist. Slap Bracelets are essentially vintage bondage equipment. Also, Darth can’t actually prove that her dad is alive since his social media is utterly defunct. But Morgan Rodgers is greater than the Infinity Stones. And keep in mind that Darth is anosmic…a girl has no god. So SUCK IT, Thanos.For those listeners of ours dealing with stress and life in general, just put on some slapdash lipstick, cross someone off your “To Kill List”, and chill out Steve Buscemi style. If you made Steve’s list in the first place, maybe you’ll get to go out like a man with this glorious message on your tombstone: Shot in the ass by Steve Buscemi. See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information.

A long time ago, in a Hollywood far, far away…It is a time of upheaval for the Bushwood Country Club. Caddies run amok and dress like John Travolta, striking fear into the hearts of pool-goers. An evil version of Forrest Gump faces the ultimate challenge of exterminating a gopher that sounds like a dolphin.Despised for his loud clothing and louder personality, Rover Dangerfield wreaks random havoc on a boat. It is up to Chevy Chase and his rebel band of duffers to defeat the evil Emperor Judge and win a scholarship for a catholic kid with too many siblings…If you’re enjoying Darth’s Star Wars intro, you’ll LOVE Jason’s A-Team/Star Wars mashup.So, on this particular episode, Darth almost kills Jason with a Welcome Back Cotter impression. We find out that Jason would golf if dinosaurs were involved. And Darth simply can’t tell if Jason loves Lauren Graham or Daniel Craig more. She’s guessing Daniel Craig.Kenny Loggins (a.k.a K-Logg) is alright with the choice to not use Pink Floyd and Darth is not afraid to ring her judgement bell. But they’re both afraid of a bad touch, especially if Ricky is not there to protect them.Jason and Darth honestly don’t know how Harold Ramis had the time to shoot Caddyshack when he had the option to party with Chevy Chase, Bill Murray (who we’ve talked about before), and Rodney Dangerfield (note the Oxford comma). Your beloved co-hosts are genuinely impressed with Harold’s self-discipline.Forrest Gump might have invented the pole dance along with his many other accomplishments. But sometimes, there just aren’t enough gophers. Despite Darth’s feelings about him appearing on The Office, behold Will Ferrell as a cat for his SNL Audition (around minute 7). It’s pure genius.As always, huge shout-out to @VariantBrewing for delicious crowlers and to @Kmisencik for making our show relevant. We appreciate you both, along with all of you amazing Aussies out there.Our final thoughts is this: If you want to blow up a golf course, just take its owners out to lunch to distract them while you do it. After all, golf courses are death traps for dogs.Till next time, our Cinderella Boys. Hindsight, out. See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information.

Welcome to the afterlife of arbitrary rules and DMV lines: Beetlejuice!BREAKING NEWS: JASON HATES PETER JACKSON AND ROCKY HORROR PICTURE SHOW. He also doesn’t know the difference between Australia and New Zealand or Julia Roberts and Geena Davis (who was in Thelma and Louise, The Fly, and Earth Girls are Easy, just to name 3). You can make fun of him on Twitter at @northfoggy. Get him, Internet! It turns out, there’s no crying in baseball or in death, because the Maitlands take their horrific end in total stride. That being said, we co-hosts learned some very important lessons from this super child-unfriendly movie. A couple of those lessons are as follows: If you’re provided a detailed guide book about the ins and outs of life after death, read it. NEVER go into business with an independent contractor who kisses your dead wife. Don’t treat the ghosts who haunt your house like your trained Schnauzer dog. If you want your kids to be straight edge and get good grades, raise them right with ghosts and Calypso music. Tony Cox was the preacher at Beetlejuice’s wedding (mind=BLOWN). What can we say? Beetlejuice contained a surprising amount of life lessons. A lesson you listeners should learn from us is, if you’re watching the movies along with us, we don’t break for our own tangents. Get on our level.Furthermore, Jason and I may not agree on who played the best Batman, but we know for a fact that Bird Person is better than Birdman.At this point, we realize that you’re probably getting sick of us, but stay tuned anyway, because Jason and I will be selling tickets to the Michio Kaku vs. Neil Degrasse Tyson throw down. We are currently taking bets at DarthJader@HindsightisHorrifying.com (If that is the correct email. At this point we might just be screwing with you).If you want to hear an episode about the great Rover Dangerfield, just tweet us incessantly or drop us a line. Darth will make it so. Lastly, Johnny, if you’re listening, @Darth_Jader‘s knowledge of and love for you is vast; she’ll defend you to the Depp. And she’ll see herself out. See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information.

Welcome to dime-a-dozen crimes and extremely dirty humor!Happy birthday! Jason turns 40 and tells us about a show from his childhood back in the early 1900s. Just kidding, we discuss the hilarious and wacky Night Court, which aired in 1984.This show is so dirty that even the kids who appear in the episodes are scandalously licentious. We hosts are honestly surprised that Jason’s parents ever let him watch this show. Shame on you, Mr. and Mrs. Mitchell.Despite this show’s filthy humor, it was a more innocent time; Bill Cosby wasn’t yet revealed to be The Puddin’ Pop Bandit. To be honest, @Darth_Jader_ doesn’t recognize many actors from this show with the sole exception of John Larroquette(a.k.a the Quagmire of this show) who appeared on the Galentine’s Day episode of Parks and Recreation.Night Court begs the question: Are there professional sperm-testers? If so, you can defile yourself into a Porsche. Lesson learned: Donate sperm.On this episode, catch Darth’s rendition of “Elderly Prostitute”, originally performed by Eugene Mirman on Bob’s Burgers. Speaking of prostitutes, here’s some friendly dating advice. FELLAS: Learn how to speak VERY slowly to bag a lady who is wildly out of your league. LADIES: get ALL the pudding you can, by whatever means necessary.Also, Darth messed up, because Matt Damon actually went to Harvard, not Yale. Darth’s official position on this matter is that she’s sorry that Matt feels like he deserves an apology for this mishap. MATT DAMON.Fun facts: Did you know that Sumo Wrestlers can only speak Fast Food? Also, Judge Reinhold is NOT a real judge, but Night Court was created by a guy named Reinhold.Our final thought: Now that Rudy Giuliani is no longer mayor, NYC is returning to its former disgusting splendor.#NBCDontSueUs #AllRiiiight See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information.

Don’t touch the pharaoh’s woman!This week, we discover that Jason is an Imhotep fangirl, even though the ancient Egyptian turns out to be more chupacabra than mummy in his afterlife.This film might be cheesy, but it is cherished, and is the pick of our super special guest, @kmisencik, who knows way more about Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes than anyone should.She also knows a fair bit about The Mummy. For instance, Brendan Fraser actually died for a brief moment while filming this movie; we’re lucky that he made it out of this project alive and not as a mummy.As always, we learned a few things on our podcast: The Sop, Drop & Roll by Variant Brewing is the best beer to pair with a Brendan Fraser movie. Mummies and dinosaurs make great fuel. The Japanese Thriller cut of The Mummy is so much better than the theater version. You can buy it on Amazon. Another important life lesson is that Scarabs are NOT cocaine-fueled flesh monsters. Regardless, listeners, if we die, don’t put us down for #DeathByScarab. And when someone else dies, don’t mummify them; raid their pockets for liquor!It turns out, the writers of The Mummy selected from a buffet of plots from both history and the Bible. That being said, if you don’t want to raise a cursed mummy from the dead, DON’T READ OUT LOUD (and don’t bite any apples). Women have only been allowed to read for so long; let’s not ruin that.On a separate note, did anyone ever notice that Beni is a soulless, multi-lingual HUSTLER? Because we sure did. In fact, we’re pretty sure that Beni and O’Connell might be the original frenemies. They’re essentially the OG Paris Hilton and Kim Kardashian. Especially since Brendan Fraser’s new duffel bag line of weapons drops this summer.But enough about women who contribute nothing to society. As much as Katie and Darth hate that one of their favorite movie heroines got Myth Busted, we’ll love Evie till the very end and beyond. After all, “Death…is only the beginning.”   See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information.

ARE YA READY, KIDS?!Welcome to the episode where Jason phones it in until we find out what he specifically hates about SpongeBob, which is EVERYTHING! Seriously, listeners; Jason thinks that SpongeBob killed Laura Palmer. Can someone get Kyle MacLachlanon the phone?Darth honestly does her best to keep Jason on topic in this episode, but his dementia only allows him to concentrate on any given topic for so long. Either way, please try to enjoy this episode involving our second lauded guest, Marie! Listeners, this episode went so far off the rails in every given direction that it’s honestly difficult to summarize it in words. Suffice it to say that we cannot decide which Nickelodeon couple was more homoerotic: Rocko + Heffer or SpongeBob + Patrick. That being said, if you haven’t yet, now is the time to vote for the Kids’ Choice Awards. It’s like the Oscars, but with slime, so get on it.This episode was so scattered, in fact, that we’ll simply gather some takeaways for you: We’re PRETTY sure that Dane Cook is still alive. If you want to know EXACTLY where to find Bikini Bottom, just ask Jason or Marie. Snails are the new cats. Be glad that you didn’t have to wake up to SpongeBob’s neurotic laugh every single morning during college. We’ll leave you with this final bit of wisdom … Have you ever seen Marky Mark and Mark Wahlberg in the same room? Of course you have, because they’re THE SAME PERSON.Also, forget you, Lichtenstein.Hindsight OUT. See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information.

The gods must be dirty: Disney’s HerculesIf you can dodge a lightning bolt, you can dodge a ball!On this very special episode, Jason and @Darth_Jader_ (who loves writing about herself in the third person) actually manage to score their very first guest on this ridonculous podcast. @MagegMeg (we made her reachable…) joins us on this episode to flaunt her super-nerd strength in Greek mythology.Speaking of which, Greek mythology gets a G-rated makeover in this movie that is punder arrest for its word play and obscene amount of dad jokes. That’s not to say that the humor in Hercules is anything but brilliant. Honestly, a good Oedipus joke is so hard to find these days.Disney’s Hercules teaches us great lessons about endurance and character. Most importantly, this film teaches us that if you’re weakened to a mortal level by extract of llama, you can always bounce back with an energetic workout montage and a trip to The Big Olive. We also learn that Hades is one SASSY bitch! Yet, he’s only successful in besetting upon Mt. Olympus once he borrows some god-LIKE powers from the partial-mortal, Hercules. #DisneyLogicWE INTERRUPT THIS TERRIBLE EPISODE DESCRIPTION TO PROVIDE RELATIONSHIP ADVICE!For the Ladies: Don’t trade your soul to save a man. They’re not worth it unless you’re using them for hair-slapping target practice. In the same train of thought, don’t idolize Disney Princes; they’re just air-brushed Cronenbergs.For the Fellas: Don’t get fooled by a Pegasus taking off her “saddle”. She’s trying to distract you from the big picture. Also, we’re damsels, we’re in distress, get lost.Ultimately, Disney’s Hercules teaches us that selflessness equates to a lack of godliness. So calibrate, listeners. Calibrate. See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information.

GREAT SCOTT, MARTY! : Back to the FutureThis week, we discuss the magnificent 1985 classic starring Jason’s old schoolmate, Christopher Lloyd. So, be prepared, listeners. If you’re not already somewhat familiar with this film, Jason will DEFINITELY be yelling at you to get off his damned lawn.Let’s start with a question: Did you know that Eric Stoltz was the original Marty McFly? He’s Eric Stoltz Mask Marty! (for all of our Rick and Morty lovers our there).In this episode, Jason and I (@Darth_Jader_) get in to some particularly serious content. We find that Marty’s “straight-laced” parents are total pervs deep down, which begs the question…is it okay to date your mom? NO, it is not. However, it is totally acceptable for your dad to spy on her with binoculars from a tree while she undresses.On a wildly different note, we find that Mikhail Baryshnikov once told Lea Thompson (Marty’s mom) that she was too fat to be a ballerina. It sounds harsh, but thank goodness; we honestly cannot envision anyone else as the person that Marty McFly pretends to sexually assault … and then Biff actually tries to sexually assault.Despite the apparent message of this time traveling themed movie, Jason and I both realize that rape and violence are typically bad ideas. Don’t use those methods of problem solving, listeners, regardless of your feelings about the Temporal Prime Directive.Speaking of which, can time traveling movies just make up their minds already? Are you supposed to change the timeline? Are you NOT supposed to change the timeline? I guess it depends on whichever eccentric scientist or Time Lord you befriended in high school. We’ll end with a personal plea from both of us: Universal, please build a float ride for Ferris Bueller’s Day Off. We’ll wear the vest AND sing the songs. See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information.

Welcome to the new world order: AntzBugs. Communism. Woody Allen. Does it get better than Antz? Welcome back down this rabbit hole, or rather, ant hill, of a podcast.In this particular movie, Jason and I (@Darth_Jader_) discover that Sylvester Stallone is the Juggernaut of ants, and men only affect social change so they can win the girl.On that note, the PG-13 rating along with seriously highbrow humor in this film do their part to protect kids from being exposed to Woody Allen’s neuroses. Amongst other things.Continuing down that awkward train of thought amongst a myriad of mixed messages, ants can reproduce asexually, but are big fans of drinking beer out of anuses. Lesson learned: Don’t get drunk the ass beer, no matter how thirsty the pretzels might make you.Jason and I discovered a few other things along the way: Ants have no idea who Abraham Lincoln is because they’re communists. Utopia is ultimately a garbage can of a myth. Don’t drink the communist Kool-Aid Don’t get involved in a land war with termites (in Asia or otherwise). Bees will help you, but only if you’re pitiful Euro Trash. The remaining question is: Who makes a more confusing movie hero? Woody Allen? Christopher Walken? It’s difficult to tell.Our final piece of wisdom is this: Tombstones are nothing if not a ripe opportunity for supremely inappropriate humor. Danny Glover, please listen to our podcast. #TombstonePetitionOur second final piece of wisdom is this: Don’t forget to yell at strangers about your erotic fantasies.A final thank you to Variant Brewing. Thank you for keeping us happy during recordings. See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information.

Who Ya Gonna Call? GHOSTBUSTERS!Welcome to the first episode where we basically nerd out as opposed to searching for Dad Jokes and deviant humor in “family friendly” entertainment. Yep. The podcast evolved that quickly. Beyond that, we know our episodes are ridiculously long, but you know you love it.So this time around, Jason gets his first pick in episode content, because we know who usually wears the cape in this podcast relationship. We also find that Jason is super worried about NYC in the 80s.Who knew that ghosts needed janitors? Your trusty podcast members, @Darth_Jader_ and Jason, were more than aware. Despite its simple, Netflix-style summary on Google, Ghostbusters certainly left an impression that apparently lasts into the afterlife. Ghostbusters teaches us so many things. We find that: The mayor of NYC would perish were it not for registered voters. Slimer is the green trash panda ghost of Animal House. You should ALWAYS cross the streams. In what other universe would you get to witness a film that is equal parts horror movie/romance/ action? Hell, Jason likely nominated this moved because he recalls it existing in a time “Before Blockbuster”.Regardless, listeners, we’re not sure if you read or listen first. Either way, welcome to the original Doctor Who/Harry Potter mashup that influenced the ages. Welcome back to 80s New York, where you’d more quickly be murdered in Times Square rather than take a picture with a broke actor dressed like Spider-Man. See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information.