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The Stanford Review satirizes college protestors, Trump’s campaign manager gets handsy with Michelle Fields, Ben Affleck is sad about his Batman film, Mike flakes a sociopath, and Microsoft accidentally creates a Hitler-loving sex robot.     SHOW NOTES Sponsor Share a Slice With Sean podcast Trumped up Trump on bruises Trump’s campaign manager’s lawyer bit a stripper Ann Coulter on gang rape Know your meme Sad Ben Affleck is sad about Batman vs. Superman’s sad review Ben Affleck has definitely written a script for a solo Batman movie Stupid shit my friends post If you think the minimum wage is too low… Headline of the week Microsoft deletes ‘teen girl’ AI after it became a Hitler-loving sex robot within 24 hours George Carlin on euphemisms Deal-breaker Late sleepers are tired of being discriminated against. And science has their back. Eye candy Zaha Hadid Special Guest: E. Nicholas Mariani.

Ted Cruz might have a thing for rodents, a woman stashes a deuce in her purse, an enraged veteran cuts down a flag, a man gets arrested for not returning a VHS rental, and Matt abandons a friend in need.     SHOW NOTES Trumped up Carson the Trump whisperer Cruz’s rodent fetish #WhiteGenocide for Trump Poll: Who wants to punch Trump? Headline of the week A brave woman hid a piece of poop in her purse when her date’s toilet wouldn’t flush Another funny thing Mike wants to spoil for you Stupid shit my friends post Veteran steals flag (does not fold it properly) Is this a thing? Meet the green lady Poorly summarized news Man arrested for not returning ‘Freddy Got Fingered’ VHS rental in 2002 Eye candy Sea organ Timber megaphones      

John starts a band with the Aldens, God gets vengeance for Cecil the lion, a Kellogg’s worker probably urinated in your breakfast, and Hulk Hogan becomes the world’s highest paid (inadvertent) porn star.   SHOW NOTES Intro Follow Faded Paper Figures Read The Buddha in the Machine Follow-up A Skeptical Take on Organic Farming Trumped Up Trump on Romney Trump on Trump Economist on Trump Don’t Start Believing Christian ‘Prophet’ Mauled by Lion Stupid Shit My Friends Post It’s Not About Color. It’s About the Law Headline of the Week Kellogg: Investigators Looking Into Video Of Factory Worker Urinating On Assembly Line Poorly Summarized News Hulk Hogan Wins Whopping $115 Million in Gawker Sex Tape Verdict Eye Candy The Tessellated and Elaborately Detailed Ceilings of Iranian Mosques     Special Guest: R. John Wiliams.

Ted Cruz is almost definitely not the Zodiac Killer, Whole Foods pre-peels oranges, WV lawmakers get sick after legalizing and drinking raw milk, and the gang contemplates the meaning of folded American flags.   Show notes Subscribe to Various Breads and Butters Follow-up Andrew Hamilton Trumped Up Vox: Trump Spent Election Night Pitching Trump Products That You Can’t Buy Anymore Know Your Meme Ted Cruz’s Secret Life as the Zodiac Killer Stupid Shit My Friends Post Flag Folding Is This A Thing? Whole Foods Pre-Peeled Oranges Headline of the Week WV Lawmakers Legalize Raw Milk, Drink Raw Milk, Get Mysterious Stomach Bug Poorly Summarized News Tammy Duckworth and Backers Denounce G.O.P. Tweet as Insensitive Eye Candy The World’s Weirdest Book    Special Guests: Benjamin R. Cohen and Simon Tonev.

Justin attempts a covert nose wipe, Kanye West pirates some software, Mike’s dad robs a bank, Chris Christie gets held hostage, and Leonardo DiCaprio doesn’t own a gas-guzzling yacht (he just borrows it).     Show notes Hear more Kendall at thenarrators.org Follow-up Daily Kos: But Who Has to Carry the Feces? Foreign Policy: Who Does No. 2 Work For?! Trumped Up The Federalist: Take a Flamethrower to Trump ABC News: The History Behind the Donald Trump ‘Small Hands’ Insult CNN: Marco Rubio Mocks Donald Trump for ‘Wet’ Pants Inquisitr: Donald Trump Trashed on Twitter by ‘Modern Family’ Writer Danny Zuker Is This A Thing? This is Tomatan, and He Will Power You Through a Marathon—with Tomatoes Poorly Summarized News WSJ: Chris Christie Asserts He Was Not, in Fact, Being Held Hostage by Donald Trump Mashable: Whoops! Kanye Tweets Photo Showing Him Using Pirate Bay  Vox: Rich Climate Activist Leonardo DiCaprio Lives a Carbon-Intensive Lifestyle, and That’s (Mostly) Fine Stupid Shit My Friends Post                                         Eye Candy A 2,000-Marble Instrument Sounds Like a Synth for the Apocalypse                  

John McAfee offers to trick a corpse into revealing a secret, Trump loves the poorly educated, China builds a ghost town, and Mike and Justin swap prank stories.     Show notes   Follow-up JOHN MCAFEE: I’ll decrypt the San Bernardino phone free of charge so Apple doesn’t need to place a back door on its product Sam Harris’s take on the Apple vs. FBI case Trumped Up Who Said It: Presidential Hopeful Donald Trump or ‘Idiocracy’ President Camacho? On Princess Diana Stupid Shit My Friends Post 35 Reasons to vote for Trump Is This a Thing? Thai princess gets $40,000 toilet built for her 3-day visit to Cambodia Eye Candy Surreal photos of China’s failed ‘city of the future’

Maria psychoanalyzes a pickpocket, Tim Cook gives the FBI the finger, Manny Pacquiao disparages homosexuals, Justin reveals his “super” powers, and Mike flubs the Pledge of Allegiance.   Follow-up “Oh, Reggie, fighting for your country…you’re such a pussy“ ACHOO syndrome: Why some people sneeze every time they see the sun Trumped Up On Apple On the Pope On Planned Parenthood On Rachel Maddow Trump threatens an independent run Poorly Summarized News Apple: a message to our customers Stupid Shit American Loons on “Dr.” Schulze Quackwatch on “Dr.” Schulze Is this a thing? Gay animal sex Nike cuts ties with boxer Manny Pacquiao Headline of the Week Fearing cannibalism, aquarium cancels octopus sex show on Valentine’s Day

Lindsay defends the integrity of the bagel, Mike extolls the virtues of vaping, Eli Manning suffers from RBF, Justin seeks clarity on sexist pejoratives, and Hillary Clinton gets aggressive with her fundraising emails.   Full show notes on our Facebook page. Special Guest: Lindsay Goldwert.

A pro-rape meet-up group retreats from female boxers, Justin’s voice tickles Brooke’s and Mike’s ASMR-positive skulls, Mike fawns over WWI submarines, and Uber gets a new logo. Full show notes on our Facebook page.  

A cat gets trapped in a woman’s body, doctors test freeze-dried poop pills, Mariah Carey struggles to lift her arm, and Mike’s landlord tries to trick him into having sex.   Full show notes on our Facebook page.

Palin brings a flask to her Trump endorsement speech, the FBI tells MLK Jr. to off himself, McDonald’s drizzles chocolate on their fries, and Dave Markowski of the Super Hero Speak podcast tells tales of hemophiliac and Asian-American superheroes.   Full show notes on our Facebook page.

Whitesboro residents vote to keep a racist town emblem, Mike hypnotizes people with vitamin C pills, Justin encounters an exhibitionist in Tennessee, and Scientia Perceptum explains the one mutation that led to all plant and animal life.   Full show notes on our Facebook page.

Hasbro forgets about Rey, Netflix promises more Arrested Development, breadfacing is a thing, our producer Corey explains why right-wing cowboys have taken over a wildlife refugee, and Peter Prosol convinces Justin to take an ice-cold shower.   Full show notes on our Facebook page.

George Lucas doesn’t like the new Star Wars, straight white people get a dating site, Mike says nice things about Mormonism, vagina speakers are now a thing and Cato Institute’s Matthew Feeney comments on policing in America.   Full show notes on our Facebook page.

Austin Baird runs 100 miles, Rand Paul celebrates Festivus, Cards Against Humanity celebrates Hanukkah, college students engage in cafeteria self-parody (à la James O’Keefe), Mike argues about ghosts, and other Yuletide tales.   Full show notes on our Facebook page.