Over it and On with it with Christine Hassler

Have you ever had a massive, gut-wrenching, devastating, traumatic breakup that ended a relationship before you wanted the relationship to end? Did you follow it up by an all-consuming expectation hangover? If you are a human being, chances are you have. Most people have at least one issue-based relationship. They attract people who trigger unresolved issues from their past. They value being in a relationship more than they value the lessons of the relationship and repeat the pattern over and over again. They treat being single like a disease, which needs to be cured immediately. Relationships are an opportunity for us to grow. To find out a little more about whom we really are. When we consider how we feel about what we do instead of just the doing, we have a clearer picture of the qualities we embody. If a relationship ended before you wanted it to, consider it a rite of passage. Embrace your feelings about it and then put a time limit on your heartbreak. Your heart can hurt but it should be full of unconditional love for yourself. Start falling back in love, but with yourself. Be kind and use your creativity as a channel of expression and healing. Today's conversation is with Monika who dares to dream and love in a big way. She moved to a foreign country and a 3 month trip turned into a 2 year stay after falling in love. The relationship ended in betrayal. Feeling her trust is forever broken, she has decided to toughen her heart and use the breakup as an excuse not to move forward with her life. Remember on Saturdays I release my new Coaches Corner episodes. This week will be on "5 Tips for Getting Over a Breakup". And if you want to hear about my history on the subject of love, you can listen to my first Over and On with It podcast. Consider/Ask Yourself: Have you given yourself the diagnosis of heartbroken and feel completely stuck? Did you set a relationship goal that wasn't realized and now you have an expectation hangover? Do you value a relationship by how long it lasts? So if it ends, do you feel you failed in some way? Is it easy to answer the question "Who are you?" with positive responses? Can you honestly say you feel love for yourself? Monika's Question: Monika went through an intense breakup in a foreign country. She feels her trust was crushed; she is now paralyzed by fear and is scared to take the next step forward in her life. Monika's Key Insights and Aha's: She's a people pleaser She doesn't value herself She attaches her self-worth to achievement Her self-criticism is a habit How to get over it and on with it: Trust herself and treat herself like the valuable woman she is Re-direct her thoughts into her improvement Improve her relationship with herself Go deeper into her spiritual practice Do things to make her feel alive and connected She should paint an image of trust Tools and Takeaways: Focus on how you want to feel about a result rather than the outcome itself Write a list of who you are and use it to fall in love with yourself Start a 40-day practice or discipline to put down your defenses Use your creativity as a channel of expression and healing Resources: Christine Hassler Expectation Hangover @christinhassler on twitter @christinehassler on Instagram christine@christinehassler.com

In this Coaches Corner I ask you to consider this question: Do you TRULY value yourself? Or...are you discounting yourself by undervaluing your gifts and settling for less than you deserve. Undervaluing yourself can look like underpricing services, not asking for what you're worth at work, or staying in relationships that are only kinda sorta what you desire. This episode will encourage you to own your worth and stand in your value.

If you want to achieve lasting success you should be concentrating on the who, what and why of your business and let the how naturally unfold with time. Pursuing your business goals without a clear understanding of what makes you uniquely qualified to provide a service (your secret sauce) to a client doesn't serve anyone. It only wastes time and energy until you have a clear vision. So often new light workers and entrepreneurs have a list of how they are going to fix things, step 1 is this and step 2 is that, but coaching is not about fixing people. People embody all the inner resources they need to heal themselves. Coaching is about listening to them from a place of compassion and love. Becoming your own best client and focusing on what you are giving to others is your purpose. Becoming an entrepreneur is not an easy task. Fear and uncertainty may be causing you to stall and create blocks when you really just need to start sharing your gift with the world. Your gift holds great value. It is your business to know your value and quit working for free. Today's caller, Robby wants to start his coaching business but his vision isn't clear. He is putting off getting clients until certain things are in place. Fear and uncertainty are suppressing his own inner guidance and creating blocks. We work to uncover his secret sauce and his why. A good follow up to this episode is my next Coaches Corner - Standing in your Value. For all of you Mission Driven Entrepreneurs out there - I am an affiliate and a supporter of Marie Forleo's B-School. B-School is an 8-week video course which teaches smart, effective online marketing strategies. If you sign up for the program through my personal link, CH B-School, I will gift you Four 90 minute live group coaching calls for business and personal aspects Access to a private Facebook group Four custom meditations and visualizations Access to my online programs and courses Consider/Ask Yourself: What are you creating in your own life? Are you clear about how you are uniquely qualified to do what you do? What is the vision which pulls you toward what you are creating? Does your ego hold you back every time you try to start? Do you have a calling but are waiting for something to start? Do you know which fears and beliefs may be holding you back? Do you believe it's your job to fix people, help people and care for people? Robby 's Question: Robby is starting a coaching business. He believes becoming a coach will require him to be more extroverted. He is experiencing fear and uncertainty of moving forward and has created stalling techniques for himself. Robby 's Key Insights and Aha's: He is creating stalling techniques He hasn't taken action He wants to get it right, he wants to be perfect He is a good listener He desires personal growth How to get over it and on with it: He should ask his intuition what is in the way Bring the focus off of himself and make it about his clients He should drop his high expectations and live his authenticity Understand he is creating value for people He needs to be his best client and keep working in himself Tools and Takeaways: Dive into your Secret Sauce by identifying the 3 qualities which describe you the most. Get clear on your vision. What is your why? Visualize yourself serving your clients Be your own best client/customer Resources: Christine Hassler B-School Secret Sauce Mastermind @christinhassler christine@christinehassler.com The Big Leap by Gay Hendricks

My hunch is you are carrying around something that is very heavy and causes you unnecessary suffering. This thing blocks you from the experiences and connections you desire. It weighs you down, holds you back and robs you of joy. What is this dreadful thing I am talking about? It is your story. And in this episode of Coaches Corner I give you tips on how to let it go!

If you were to write out your autobiography with the early chapters being on your past and the middle chapters representing the present, what would you change about your current story to get the ending (your future) to turn out just the way you want it to? Would you allow bitterness to leak into your later chapters or would you embrace forgiveness of yourself and those who may have hurt you? It's never too late to drop old belief systems and 'un-program' yourself. It's never too late to change. Living as a victim means you do not want to take full responsibility for your life. Becoming the most authentic version of yourself will happen when you move through the process of forgiveness. It will set you free and allow you to live fully in the present. Today's caller, Miranda, needed her story to be heard free of judgment and from a place of compassion. She believed she needed to behave a certain way in order to receive love. Her compensatory strategy of being a caretaker, a rescuer, and a people pleaser was attracting toxic people into her life and not bringing her the love she desired. People in your past can no longer be an excuse for why you don't have what you want in your present. If you enjoy this podcast please share on social media and leave a rating or review on iTunes. Consider/Ask Yourself: What are you still holding on to from your past that is impacting your present and creating your future? How does Miranda's story mirror your own? When it comes to getting romantic love, what do you have to do or need to be in order to get it? Is there someone you need to forgive? Miranda's Question: Miranda is having trouble letting go of the past and finding forgiveness. She feels she has alienated everyone important in her life with her bitterness. Miranda's Key Insights and Aha's: She should acknowledge her blessings She is attracting toxic people because it's the only type of love she knows She has made massive judgments about her own choices She tries to get love by being a victim She doesn't know how to forgive How to get over it and on with it: Update your own programming She needs to forgive everyone in her life including herself Find spiritual altitude Start being nicer to herself Work through the behavioral exercises in Expectation Hangover Tools and Takeaways: Identify your compensatory strategy and shift it Understand the payoffs to the behaviors you don't like Who do you think you need to forgive? Make a list of your gifts, of all the things you truly love about yourself and make that your new story Know that your past does not need to dictate the present Resources: Christine Hassler Expectation Hangover @christinhassler christine@christinehassler.com

Do you ever feel anxious? I suspect your answer is yes - you may even be experiencing it right now. You're not alone. Here's the good news: it is 100% possible to ease and actually eliminate anxiety or at the very least dramatically reduce it. I explain and give you lots of tips in this coaches corner.

The wonderful thing about pain and anxiety is that we have the power to free ourselves from it. Many of the overwhelming feelings we are having now are rooted somewhere in our past. Something devastating caused our young minds to create a program to follow, so we didn't have to feel that way ever again. As we grow, the ability to address our fears and overcome our 'victim story' becomes available to us. We are able to comfort our younger selves by self-parenting and through work that is healing. We also have the ability to acknowledge our need for protection, thank it for its service to us and move our energy to where we need it now. We can then replace our impulsive responses with our inner voice, which is guided by our intuition. In between stimulus and response we have a choice and in that choice lies our freedom. - Viktor Frankl - Man's search for meaning Our caller, Nicole, is struggling to find her true intuition. She feels it may be lost to her or clouded over by her deep-seated anxiety. She has used her anxiety for many years to protect herself, but now realizes it is time to get over it and on with it so that she could enjoy a deeper life. My next Retreat in July 2016 will fill up quickly, so if you want more information please contact Jill at jill@christinehassler.com If you enjoy this podcast, please share on social media and leave a rating or review on iTunes. Consider/Ask Yourself: Do you suffer from anxiety? Is there something you would like to be free of? Whenever you try anything new, does it come with a lot of fear? Do you prefer control over uncertainty? Did something happen in your past that might still be impacting you, but you are not sure what to do about it? Nicole's Question: Nicole has anxiety-driven panic attacks and lacks self-confidence. She longs to have a deeper life and become connected to the world. Nicole's Key Insights and Aha's: She uses her anxiety as a source of protection She needs to feel she is in control of a situation As a child, she felt vulnerable Intuition will be clearer when anxiety subsides She needs to respond rather than react It's OK for her to make mistakes How to get over it and on with it: She should tell her younger self "things will be alright" Say "I accept" & then "I am choosing to" Interrupt the patterns of anxiety Turn up the volume of her calm inner voice Understand the difference between resignation and acceptance Tools and Takeaways: Think about the "big deals" or significant events in your life. What belief systems were formed then that might be impacting you today? Tell yourself the things you needed to hear during your "big deals" Understand that it was not your fault How does your protective mechanism serve you? Give it a new job description Resources: Christine Hassler Expectation Hangover @christinhassler christine@christinehassler.com jill@christinehassler.com to sign up for the Bali retreat

Do you find that you have taken on the expectation that you are supposed to be happy all the time? Sure, eternal happiness sounds awesome, yet this expectation that we "should" be able to be in a positive place all the time can be the very thing that eludes us from actually experiencing it. How? Well, when we pressure or force ourselves to be a certain way, which involves avoiding the reality of our current feelings, we engage in what is called "spiritual bypass." Spiritual bypass is a process of attempting to high-vibe yourself out of what you perceive as a negative feeling instead of allowing yourself to feel it and heal it. Don't get me wrong - joy, love and peace are our essence, but if you haven't noticed we are all still human and have moments of where that is not exactly our experience. In this Coaches Corner I encourage you to accept the contrast of your human experience and offer tips for how to move through those not-so-happy moments.

Advertisements, movies and even fairy tales will tell you a product, money or a prince are all you need to live happily ever after. Sorry, that is not true. External things are not the key to a happy life. Because happiness is an inside job, we are all capable of self-generating the feeling of happiness. If we move to acceptance , we will recognize that the source of our own happiness comes from within. We ARE capable of living our lives contently. But first, we must examine what we are devoted to and look into the places in our lives where being grateful of what we already have can elevate us to acceptance. It is normal for humans to lead lives full of ebbs and flows. Our caller, Jennifer, is putting pressure on herself to figure out her entire life even though she is only 24 years old. She has an expectation hangover about not being where she thinks she should be in her career. She is waiting for something external to bring her happiness and to spark her passion. People with high expectations tend to not feel happy more often. Listen to this week's Coaches Corner - Is it possible to be happy all the time? - for an in-depth look at the secret sauce to overcoming an expectation hangover. My Bali Retreat, in September 2016, will fill up quickly so if you want more information please contact Jill at jill@christinehassler.com If you enjoy this podcast please share it on social media and leave a rating or review on iTunes. Consider/Ask Yourself: Which "if then" and "if when" equations have you set up to define your own happiness? Do you think you should be further along in your life? Do you think it's too late to be happy? Are you feeling depressed in your life and expecting something to come and save you? Jennifer's Question: Jennifer feels stuck. She tries new things but gives up on them easily. She wants to know when the spark will come to keep her from feeling lost and unhappy. Jennifer's Key Insights and Aha's: She pretends she can find happiness outside herself Surrounding herself with people she loves brings her happiness She wants things to come to her without working for them She hasn't taken action to keep herself from being disappointed She is not supposed to figure out her entire life by 25 How to get over it and on with it: Realize happiness is a moment, not a permanent state Have low attachment and high involvement She can create the feeling of happiness anytime she wants Accept herself, quirks and all Take a comedy or an improv class Make two people at work smile every day Tools and Takeaways: What will it take for you to fully accept your life as it is right now? Stop trying to do things. Either do something or don't. There is no in between. Do what you need to do to de-blah yourself and get your mojo back on. Create happiness on the inside by starting with gratitude Be a happiness ambassador Physically connect with people Resources: Christine Hassler Expectation Hangover @christinhassler christine@christinehassler.com jill@christinehassler.com to sign up for the Bali retreat

The New Year comes with the tradition of making resolutions, which are usually promises to do something "more, better, or different." We vow to exercise more, get a better job, meditate regularly, fall in love, or find a different way to handle our stress. But does this really do us any good? Most of us start the New Year with the greatest of intentions, yet by March (or even by the second week in January) we may not find ourselves so resolved. We revert back to old patterns and beat ourselves up for not sticking to our resolutions. Could there be a way to ring in the year that serves us better? YES! And it has been my New Year ritual for the past ten years which I share in todays' Coaching Corner. NOTE: you can do this process ANYTIME during the year because it is always a good time to consciously let go of what is not serving you so then you can intentionally co-create your dreams and desires.

Our physical body ages naturally with time, but our emotional development is much more complex. Our minds have the ability to leave situations unfinished - anticipating that a resolution will appear eventually. When this happens, we get stuck by reliving our hurts and challenges over and over again until we are mentally ready to deal with these emotions. Becoming comfortable with our own vulnerability is how we heal this unfinished business. We can start by reassuring ourselves that it's okay, it's over, and it's safe now. It's okay to stop creating distractions that only serve to move us farther and farther away from the healing of our core wounds. Healing starts with self-love and it always comes back to our relationship with our self. Today's caller, Jenna, believes she is struggling with consistency issues. She quickly realizes that she may be manifesting physical health problems; and living the life of an overachiever to gain the attention and love she didn't receive as a teenager. Jenna is asking for help, which is a clear sign she is ready to get over it and on with it. A relationship that is free of judgement and filled with compassion, like the relationship with a coach, will help her to continue on her personal development journey and reinforce the relationship she needs to build with her younger self. Consider/Ask Yourself: When it comes to dealing with challenging issues, do you analyze the issues to try to figure them out rather than feeling and processing these things fully? How do you handle your emotions? If you spoke with your friends in the same way you speak to yourself would you have any friends? Do you get frustrated with your personal growth? When you make progress do you tend to backtrack, creating an endless loop? Jenna's Question: Jenna is struggling to get to the root of her consistency issues regarding her health and wellness and wants to know how to stay on track. Jenna's Key Insights and Aha's: She didn't feel safe or secure in her youth Her health has become a distraction She doesn't have to manifest health issues to get love and attention It's easier to act outwardly than to reflect inwardly How to get over it and on with it: Jenna should encourage her younger self She should take care of her emotional body as well as her physical body She should parent herself in the way she wanted to be parented Look in the mirror with one hand on her heart and the other on her stomach and say something kind to herself Have a vulnerability conversation with her counselor Tools and Takeaways: Listen to Episode 16, Why our parents trigger us (no matter what our age) , on Parenting Identify the distractions and coping strategies you adopt to keep yourself from feeling emotions or pain Develop a relationship with your younger self by writing a letter to reassure him or her that it is over Start each day connecting with yourself in the mirror and saying encouraging things Practice vulnerability with people in your life Continue in your personal development and if you aren't growing you may need to make some changes Resources: Christine Hassler Expectation Hangover Brene Brown The Gifts of Imperfection Daring Greatly @christinhassler christine@christinehassler.com

Happy New Year! This is a guided visualization and meditation that will support you in completing this year and consciously creating the next. In this twelve minute journey, I guide you through identifying the lessons and blessings from the last year so that you can clearly envision and begin creating what you'd like to experience in the coming year. This is especially great to listen to around the New Year but you can listen to it anytime of year to complete your past, focus on your present and create your future. Set some time aside to gift yourself with this process. Sending you love for a prosperous and joyful New Year.

This episode is about getting over what you didn't get from a parent (or parents). There is no manual for living. Sometimes we just need to ask for help from our spiritual guide and then direct all of our energy towards the life we truly desire. There will be times when we get frustrated and angry with ourselves and other people. It's OK, it happens. We are all human, right? Well, even our parents are human. Many of us have trouble accepting our parents as individuals outside of the role they play in our lives. We put our own expectations on them to try to fill the safety and security voids we perceived when we were separated from God during birth. We often long for a love our parents are unable to give us. We need to recognize that just because they are older, it doesn't mean their ability to love has changed. They love us in the best way they know how. Today's caller, Samantha uses self-criticism to protect herself from her pain. She is accustomed to holding herself to higher standards because she coaches others through their life journeys. She is still holding on to her childhood anger over not feeling loved and acknowledged by her father. We work through her responsibility to re-parent herself, free herself through a spiritual practice and look at her father with compassionate eyes. If you are a woman who is having difficulty processing your anger, read the Emotional section of my book, Expectation Hangover. Try the temper tantrum technique, it may sound silly, but it really works. Time slots have opened up for coaching sessions in January. If you are interested in a one-on-one session with me, sign up here Coaching with Christine. Consider/Ask Yourself: Do you feel you are aware of your past and relationship with your parents, but that nothing is changing in your present? Are you a self-help coach and hold yourself to a higher standard, believing you should know better? Are you still longing for something you didn't get from your parents? Do you experience an Expectation Hangover because your parents haven't changed like you had hoped? Are you irritable and short tempered with others, but know that isn't who you are in your heart? Samantha's Question: Samantha wants to know how to stop being hard on other people. She finds herself feeling and doing things she doesn't feel comfortable with, but she doesn't understand why. Samantha's Key Insights and Aha's: She feels she needs to protect herself She is angry and may be bypassing her spirit She's projecting expectations on her Father that he cannot live up to The same pattern keeps showing up in her life She is worthy of her father's love How to get over it and on with it: Sam should give herself permission to be who she is She can realize coaching people isn't about saving them She shouldn't be lazy when it comes to her spiritual practice She should put her energy into the direction she wants to head towards Tools and Takeaways: What are you still hoping for from your parent? How can you see your parents through compassionate eyes? What is their human story? Write a letter to your parents letting them off the hook. Don't send it, but use it as a way to let the issue go. What are ways you can parent yourself to give yourself what you need? Start your spiritual practice now. Ask for help and it will come. Resources: Christine Hassler Expectation Hangover Liberate yourself at my Winter Retreat January 8-10th @christinhassler

True freedom is fulfilling and it is not about getting whatever you want. Freedom is about being fully and authentically self-expressed. Often our identities are created based on how others define us and not who we truly are. We may become imprisoned by other people's opinions. When we have been suppressed or restricted, we do not feel free and may rebel with self-sabotaging behavior. This may lead to reactive and unnecessary risks that do not serve us. Some risks, however, are intuitive and proactive. These types of risk can lead us to necessary growth. Today's caller, Jessica, doesn't understand why she isn't doing the things she should be doing. She relies on other people's expectations and judgments and doesn't feel worthy or deserving of her dreams. She is dealing with issues of her own self-worth while trying to live up to society's outcome addicted focus. When we realize it is all about truth and love, we bring ourselves into alignment with our core values. It is then we can appreciate that our raw, authentic self is absolutely perfect. * Can you list the top 5 core values that are the compass for your life? You should be clear about what they are. If you need help, the process to find them is detailed in my book, Expectation Hangover. Consider/Ask Yourself: Are you engaging in any rebellious or sabotaging behavior? Do you start to freak out when you get what you want? Do you feel free or suppressed and constricted? Have you taken risks in life or do you play it safe? Do you know what you should be doing, but take actions contrary to your goal? Jessica's Question: Jessica wants to know why she makes the "wrong" decisions when she knows what the right decision should be, and why she sabotages herself while trying to attain her goals. Jessica's Key Insights and Aha's: She has a war going on in her brain She grew up with very strict rules She doesn't take risks She doesn't feel free She always did the right thing even if she didn't want to She has difficulty breaking away from her ex-husband's criticism She wants to set a good example for her son How to get over it and on with it: Find a way for your inner rebel to be satiated Give yourself permission to go after what you want Acknowledge who you are apart from what you've been told Stop carrying around old stories Honor your heartfelt desires Tools and Takeaways: Write about your inner rebel Describe your inner rebel How does it act? What behaviors does it engage in? Write your definition of freedom Write down ways you may be restricting yourself Write down ways you could be authentically self-expressed What is one tangible action step you can take toward being more authentically self-expressed? Resources: Christine Hassler Expectation Hangover The Big Leap @christinhassler

Happy Holidays!! This is a beautiful and sweet time of year, which can bring forward so many feelings and experiences. Some of you may be absolutely blissful - you love this season and are in a place of peace. Others of you may be really struggling this time of year. Perhaps you feel alone. Or family dynamics are challenging. And some may be feeling a mix of both. You have moments of peace and joy and other moments of loneliness, anxiety or even sadness. Wherever you are is okay. Please remove the expectation that your holidays are supposed to be any certain way - otherwise you will just keep waking up with an expectation hangover! My intention in sharing this meditation with you today is to remind you about what is most important not only this time of year but in every moment of every day, which is LOVE.