Therapist Uncensored Podcast

Interpersonal co-regulation requires boundary setting.  Most of us haven’t been lucky enough to learn to be good at boundary setting naturally, by good examples, so we have to literally be taught how to do this important skill.  Well today we are in luck!  Jello will be your friend. 

We joke around a lot on this show, but when it hits the fan we are serious therapists devoted to treating real people and all kinds of survivors.  Today we give our best guess on they science behind why people are responding overwhelmingly to Dr. Ford's testimony - calling national and local crisis hotlines in unprecedented numbers.  We speak in this moment not from a political perspective, but from a somatic, nervous system perspective.  Something has stirred in the American public even different than the #MeToo movement, and we speak to it on this episode. We also touch on the science of memory, implicit and explicit, mirror neurons, stress hormones and threat responses and most importantly the power of patriarchy to harm both women and men, both political parties and our democracy as we know it.

A guide to secure relating and using the attachment sciences and regulation theory to improve your understanding of yourself and others in your day to day lives.  Today we review what we've discussed so far on the podcast about the attachment spectrum and add more detail about the nervous system.  

FAVORITE EPISODE!!!  This one takes a wide-angle look at attachment throughout one’s life, discusses how one’s environment affects their system’s involuntary response to stress, and how that stress response system impacts us from infancy to the autumn years.  In this episode, co-hosts Ann Kelley Phd and Sue Marriott LCSW,  CGP discuss attachment across the lifespan, specifically looking at the elder years and how our attachment system affects us as caretakers of our parents or as the senior who may be undergoing the various losses inherent in aging.

Deep discussion on how the current political, international and climate crises could be viewed as a chance to transform human connection rather than be seen from a place of doom. Dr. Siegel called for us all to become pervasive leaders – a great inspiration. Look for a new interview with Dr. Siegel coming soon on his new book, Aware. We will publish that very early into our next season which will be launched soon! Interview with Dr Dan Siegel, the father of Interpersonal Neurobiology (IPNB).  Get a peak into his thoughts on building hope in our fear-based culture today, human kind across history and using this science to make changes individually and as a society. Sue Marriott LCSW and Patty Olwell LPC speak with Dr. Dan Siegel about the most recent finding in his new book, Mind: A Journey to the Heart of Being Human (A New York Times Best Seller). Dan Siegel discussed how the current political, international and climate crises could be viewed as a chance to transform human connection rather than from place of doom. He called for us all to become pervasive leaders — Pervasive Leadership characteristics : * Change your mental model of I and Thou. * Act locally; think holistically. * Enact empathetic stewardship Human history over time – Sapians – (see resource list). Homosapians have been killing their brothers and kin since the beginning of recorded time, so any current cultural unkindness is part of our hardwiring. We can rise above it, but first recognize it as human. Interpersonal neurobiology – coined by Dan Siegel in 1999 is a way of living and viewing the world with a set of principles that lead toward integration. Integration – combining distinct specialized functions that link and connect the specializations together, creating harmony. This is a view that can be utilized within one person and across couples, families, organizations and nations. In-group/Out-group discussion and Mindsight When a person is seen as the same, we have a natural resonance and empathy.   If we feel safe we can extend that to those that appear Other. If we feel threat – even if we don’t know we are feeling it (nanoseconds of a threatening photo flashed, outside of our awareness) we respond strongly by turning off our empathy for the Out-group and turning up our response to the In-group. This is the explanation for what is happening here in the United States and Britain and many places around the world where genocides are occurring. Terror is driving this IN/OUT hostile behavior. With practice this can be changed. Say to yourself: My nervous system is making me treat the other person as an Out group member with more hostility, but that goes against my larger values of treating all human beings, all living beings with deep respect, as I would my In-group. We can rise above it. Rise above our brains initial proclivity towards bias and our mind to actively change how our brain ultimately carries out behavior – to be able to see the others mind and treat them as an in-group. Compassionately, fairly. Our leaders, people who run our country, organizations, educational institutions, clinicians, and people in positions to raise children… all have brains and minds that can overcome this biologic bias. We should see them as humans with limitations. Uninformed. They need safety to let down. FACES * Flexible * Adaptive * Coherent * Energetic * Stable MWE = me in a body + we in connection to others and the planet Eudaimonia – Greek term that means life filled by meaning and connection and equanimity not from producing and consuming junk   Join our email list at www.therapistuncensored.com to access our private online community supporting the dissemination of the relational sciences to support healthy ...

Sue and Ann walk the walk by bringing authenticity and vulnerability to their listeners and seeking connection, engagement and feedback. They also request listener feedback and input to help them co-create an exciting and high quality Season 3 of Therapist Uncensored.

Mentalizing seems easy – but actually it is quite complex. Thinking accurately about our own and others minds is such a core skill that many consider it a pre-condition for self-soothing, empathy and other facets of emotional intelligence and social-emotional maturity.

Self Compassion is an antidote to shame, the underpinning of narcissism.  It is fierce accountability that is core to psychological health… who knew?   Most of us think of it as being soft on yourself, but our guest will reveal the surprising power and science of self-compassion in this episode. Co-host Dr. Ann Kelley interviews Dr. Kristen Neff, an Associate Professor at the University of Texas at Austin and a foremost author and expert on Self Compassion. Self Esteem vs Self Compassion This is not feel-good, la-la, therapy-talk, it’s real science. Learn the important distinction between self esteem and self compassion, and how one can lead to psychological instability, self-criticism, stress, competition and difficulty within ourselves, our relationships and our culture. You really want to get this right and may be surprised! Treating yourself as your own best friend.

Finding the middle ground between constantly attending to your child versus letting them learn to self-soothe is a challenge that all parents must face. In this episode, Therapist Uncensored hosts, Dr. Ann Kelley and Sue Marriott LCSW, CGP, break down the difference between “Attachment Parenting” and the science of actual Attachment theory.  They share key elements from research outcomes that surround many common misconceptions of applying the theory itself. You’ll learn that the ideals setup by Dr.William and Martha Sears and Richard Ferber might not fully translate in today’s world of parenting and that the way you respond to your child’s needs is a determining factor in how secure they will be later in life. Thank you to our sponsor!   Episode brought to you in part by Theranest, they help keep us on the air and being able to offset the costs of producing this show.  Please visit their website and check out their services, you have nothing to lose and produUtivity to gain! We’ve arranged a deal to get 20%off your first 3 months to give you a chance to try it out.  We know you don’t want to spend your time billing, you want to spend your time across from people you care about – clients, friends, family,  your pets, whomever.  But not the computer. Let them help you.U 0:00-10:00 Introduction Attachment Parenting is mostly associated with Sears & Sears Modern research shows that providing children love, kindness and responsiveness results in a more well adjusted person Attachment Theory: how a child learns that their primary caregiver can safely respond to them when they’re distressed Attachment parenting by Sears and Sears asserts the importance of the three B’s: Breastfeeding, Baby Wearing, and Baby Sleeping Attachment is a two-way process between parent and child 10:00-20:00 The three essentials for developing secure functioning Children use their caregiver to regulate their body until they can do it on their own Filling children up for exploration and being available for refueling rather than keeping children attached to you continuously Responsiveness doesn’t have to be so strict and can be attuned to your family’s needs Attunement builds secure attachment Children are resilient and will bounce back so don’t feel you have to follow all the rules, make it work for the parent-child dyad. Focus on attunement rather than strict adherence to a technique. 20:00-30:00 Babies sleeping through the night is not necessarily a sign of secure attachment Sleep training and Ferberizing is not necessarily allowing babies to “cry it out” but is a way of training them to sleep on their own. Research indicates that babies should not be sleep trained prior to 6 months of age Learning what your child’s cries mean helps you become attuned to them Putting children to bed prior to falling asleep allows them to learn to sleep on their own 30:00-40:00 Studies have shown that parent and child’s cortisol levels are both elevated at the start of sleep training but, over time the caregiver’s goes down as the child expresses less distress yet the babies often stay elevated. No shame parenting allows parents to respond to their children in a way that helps them grow Children need to learn to get distressed and cry and to be soothed be loving caregivers “Prepare the child for the path and not the path for the child” Wrap up and outro Resources The Attachment Parenting Book : A Commonsense Guide to U...

What makes the ins and outs of sexuality so hard to talk aboout?  It turns out, if couples do talk about sex, the conversation is often mostly about frequency.  However, what is missing are the zillion of other thoughts and feelings we have about intimacy (or lack there of), desire (or lack thereof), fantasies (or lack thereof), pleasure (or lack therefo) and, oh yeah, the mechanics of sex as well.   But don’t sweat it, in this episode Therapist Uncensored co-host Dr. Ann Kelley joins guest Dr. Susan Ansorge to talk about talking about sex.   Learn to overcome the difficulties of opening up to yourself and your sexual partner about these very personal and understandably anxiety-filled conversations. Dr. Susan Ansorge is a practicing psychologist in Austin, TX. Her interest, training and experience in working with sexual issues began during her tenure as a staff psychologist at the UT Counseling and Mental Health Center, and has continued through her 17 years of private practice. Dr. Ansorge was also member of the Austin Women’s Psychotherapy Project, bringing leaders in the field of gender-aware Psychotherapy to the Austin area, as well as presenting locally and nationally on topics in the areas of gender and sexuality as they relate to psychotherapy. Her written work has appeared in the National Center for PTSD Quarterly. 0:00-10:00 Introduction General difficulties in discussing sex with your partner Learning to talk about talking about sex Desire discrepancy and more complicated questions/conversations about sex The difficulty in beginning a discussion that you are afraid might be hurtful to your partner   10:00-20:00 How best to get dialogue going with your partner about desires and likes/dislikes When and where is the right place and time for the right conversation about your shared sex life? How sex is initiated and finding a compatible middle ground Desires and fantasies can often be considered taboo, but fantasies can also be a gold mine of communication Difference in fantasies between men and women, women of different ages   20:00-30:00 The element of novelty in women’s fantasies and element of pleasing their partner in men’s fantasies Part of women’s fantasies is being desired Caretaking and nurturing is counterintuitive to sexual narcissism Avoiding arousal/desire censorship   30:00-40:00 How to bring up talking about sex to one’s partner and using available resources Appreciating one’s partners perspective just like in any communication setting Wrap up and outro   Resources Mating in Captivity: Unlocking Erotic Intelligence by Esther Perel, former guest on our show. The Erotic Mind: Unlocking the Inner Sources of Passion and Fulfillment by Jack Morin  Tired Woman’s Guide to Passionate Sex:  Reclaim Your Desire and Reignite Your Relationship by Laurie B. Mintz  Come as You Are by Emily Nagosaki We appreciate our sponsor TheraNest! Our show is not just for mental health professionals AT ALL, but if you are a mental health professional, you will appreciate our sponsor as well!  Most of us do not want to spend our time on the business aspect of our practice. TheraNest is a practice management software that will help you streamline and manage your entire practice with ease.

Do you use a to-do list as a way to justify the need to be busy rather then the other way around?  Idleness can breed discomfort and busyness seems to help to fill in the gap. Learn how conscious busyness and idleness can generate cognitive health and happiness, while unconscious busyness just adds to the stress trap. As real therapists, we challenge you to not believe what you think.  Inquire. It’s healthy to question the stories you tell about yourself and the world… update your model.  Check out your story.  See if what you tell yourself is still true, or has ever been true. If it’s right there is no problem in questioning,  but if you are in a mental rut you wouldn’t know it unless you cache the map and look again. In this episode we ask you, has being busy become an identity, a badge of honor, or is it simply a fear of being idle?  Perhaps an antidote to loneliness? A way to be needed?  A VIP?  Are you choosing your schedule or feel as if you are being handed it?  Is that true? 

Walk through the discovery experience of coming to understand yourself as transgender and see how this coming to know yourself relates to everyone, not just those who identify as non-binary. What's the difference between transgender and butch lesbian, sex, gender and sexual orientation, tomboy and trans... and what's the deal with the strange pronouns. Find out here.

"Security" at the border?  Relational science professionals have a lot to offer to understand the human rights event that is unfolding on the US-Mexico border.  This podcast has been all about promoting security in ourselves and our loved ones, and a primary component to this is access to your caregiver when you are young.  It effects our biology, or persistent sense of ourselves and our view of the world.  But it works both ways... Stress and fear that is ongoing also has the same persistent thumbprint as well. 

As we continue our discussion of the relational sciences in everyday life, this episodes examines practical treatment ideas from a practitioner's playbook. Mirroring Hands is outlined and demonstrated in this episode.

All the single listeners (think Beyonce!) heads up.  Learn to use attachment science at work and delve more deeply into the avoidant end of the spectrum. Attachment science isn't just about relationships, it's decades of research on how we come to see ourselves and have unconscious expectations about the world. This conversation really highlights how to think about applying it in real life scenarios, sans therapy-speak.