Messy Family Podcast : Catholic conversations on marriage and family

St. Francis would tell his followers “Let us begin again for until now we have done nothing.” This is a great inspiration for us because sometimes we feel like we are always beginning again with new habits, plans, and goals for our family. We are the most consistently inconsistent parents out there! But we have become less stressed out about our inconsistency because we see that it is an opportunity to begin again with our children. It is hard to create habits in ourselves, let alone a group of children! But habits are an important part of formation, as the quote above from Stephen Covey shows. Since we have made so many plans with our family, we would like to share with you some of what we have learned in creating habits for your family. In this podcast we discuss questions such as how do you create appropriate habits for your family? How do you come up with a plan with your spouse? How do you keep those kids motivated? 7 Habits of Highly Effective Families: https://amzn.to/2Zj05l1 The 3 Big Questions for a Frantic Family: https://amzn.to/2ZgndRj Amazing Camp for Teens: https://cysc.com/ Special weekend in Tampa for couples in February 2020… interested in hearing more? https://www.messyfamilyproject.org/tampa-february-15/

Our society not only devalues mothers, but also underestimates their importance in the life of a newborn child. Some biologists believe that humans are born too soon because so much formation happens in the first years of life outside the womb. The essential element in this formation is the mother. No matter how much time a mother spends with her child vs. being in the workplace, the quality of her relationship with her infant is what makes the difference. In this podcast, we use the book Being There: The Importance of the First Three Years by Erica Komisak as a reference for parents seeking to do all they can to develop a healthy, securely attached, independent child. Buy this book : https://amzn.to/318grhz Get our messy family newsletter: https://www.messyfamilyproject.org/join/ Family Retreat Kit: https://www.messyfamilyproject.org/family-retreat-2019-3/ Related shows Every Mother is a Working Mother - https://www.messyfamilyproject.org/mp-046-every-mother-is-a-working-mother/ High Powered Parents - https://www.messyfamilyproject.org/mp-092-high-powered-parents/

Social fragmentation, the break down of the family, isolation, and stress has wounded and broken many of us. Families need to be honest about their need for professional help - honest with themselves and with those around them. It is a sign of strength to admit weakness! Plus, there are burdens that parents simply cannot carry alone. Marriage counselors, child therapists, 12 Step groups, doctors, and support groups are all resources that families can and should take advantage of in order to function in a healthy, holy way. Counseling can offer hope, healing, and a path forward. Listen in as we discuss some of the challenges and obstacles, what to look for in a counselor as well as a note on therapy for children. Kheriaty’s A Catholic Guide to Depression - https://amzn.to/2XAWqmF Mike's interview with Dr. Kheriaty for EWTN: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8SIWlQ0ZUqY Article on choosing a good therapist - https://www.catholiccounselors.com/choosing-a-therapist-a-guide-for-catholics/

Parenting is a path to holiness, that is clear. Part of this growth in your holiness is taking on the responsibility for the formation of your children. It's hard to form people! But it is a job for unselfish, dedicated parents and no one can do it better than you can! In this podcast, we discuss principles that are important to keep in mind as we form our children. Ideas such as your children are not the center of your family, but part of a community; that you need to teach your children to give themselves away; that trust is earned and love requires boundaries. We pick a few other rules that we have found to be important in our parenting to pass on to you. Along with parenting philosophy will come some very practical insights also that will help you form your children and bring peace to your household. Family Retreat Kit and Videos: https://www.messyfamilyproject.org/family-retreat-2019-3/ Related Episodes and Blog Post: The Irreplaceable Role of Parents (episode): https://www.messyfamilyproject.org/mp-079-the-irreplaceable-role-of-parents/ The Irreplaceable Role of Parents (blog post): https://www.messyfamilyproject.org/the-irreplaceable-role-of-parents/ Growing a Family Culture: https://www.messyfamilyproject.org/mp-096-building-a-family-culture-part-1/

During our tour of Australia, we had the opportunity to meet many listeners and make some amazing new friends. One of our events was a day seminar for engaged and newly married couples with an Australian ministry - The Marriage Project. During the day, we had a time to take questions from the audience and we loved it! It was great to experience firsthand the desire that these couples had for intentional, authentic relationships with each other and with their greater community. We answered questions about blending families, challenge of children and marriage, discerning family size, and even our most important piece of advice to a newly married couple (that one was hard!). We hope you enjoy hearing us interacting with our listeners and hearing us really think on our feet! Catholic Family Fests: https://www.messyfamilyproject.org/speaking/events/catholic-family-vacation/ for other events see: https://www.messyfamilyproject.org/speaking/events/ Family Retreat Box: https://www.messyfamilyproject.org/family-retreat-2019/

   “The family is indeed more than any other social reality, the place where an individual can exist ‘for himself’ through the sincere gift of self…it is the ‘sanctuary of life’” ~ St. John Paul II, Letter to Families, #11 This episode is our first LIVE podcast, recorded during our Australian Tour in May 2019.  During this tour, we presented a seminar sponsored by our good friends (Australians, read “mates!” ) at the Marriage Project.  In this talk we examined the question “What is the nature of family?” Society cannot define was this nature is, because society did not give family its nature. Family has a given meaning all its own. According to St. John Paul II, a family is a community of life whose mission it is to guard, reveal and communicate love. It is a man and woman bound together in a life long commitment whose love is fruitful.   Therefore, our understanding of marriage must be seen within the context of family, since not only do we all come from a family, but we are made for family. Survey about future membership site: https://www.messyfamilyproject.org/membership/ Join our newsletter (don’t miss out): https://www.messyfamilyproject.org/join/  

High emotions and the advent of adolescence seem to go hand in hand.  Instead of getting caught up into our children’s emotion and the drama that may ensue, parents need to truly be “the adult in the room” and be an example of how to deal with strong feelings in a appropriate way.  To do this, we parents need to be self-aware and conscious of our own woundedness and need for healing. Only then can we be an example to our children and a source of hope sending the message that they CAN overcome.  We need to empathize with our child and empower them to master their emotions while using their intellect and will to act, thus integrating all their faculties to act virtuously. It's hard for parents to teach pre-teens and teens how to handle drama, but this is the job of hard-working, devoted parents! Survey about future membership site: https://www.messyfamilyproject.org/membership/ Join our newsletter (don’t miss out): https://www.messyfamilyproject.org/join/ Cana 90 meditations (Lent & Easter seasons): https://www.messyfamilyproject.org/tag/cana90/    Schedule for MFP events in Australia: https://www.facebook.com/757182281305801/posts/845469395810422?sfns=mo Additional resources for this episode: Dr. Brene Brown on empathy https://youtu.be/1Evwgu369Jw More from Brene Brown Daring Greatly https://amzn.to/2XRd2C8 and Power of Vulnerability https://amzn.to/2WgmlLI Teaching your child self-control: https://www.messyfamilyproject.org/mp-090-teaching-children-self-control/ Raising confident kids who aren’t full of themselves: https://www.messyfamilyproject.org/mp-043-raising-confident-kids-who-arent-full-of-themselves/ Discipling and Disciplining Our Teenagers: https://www.messyfamilyproject.org/mp-064-discipling-and-disciplining-our-teenagers-pt-1/

Have you ever felt like your world was going up in smoke?  Listen in as we explain this dramatic story of our car fire, where no injuries occurred or lives lost, but the disaster was complete.  Though the loss was great, God’s faithfulness and providence was even greater. We felt it was not a coincidence that this happened during the season of Lent because we are able to see the themes of fasting through detachment from goods, mercy that was shown to us, and the prayer that protected us and our children. No matter how Satan plans our demise, God can always have the victory. Video and article: https://www.messyfamilyproject.org/video-lent-and-how-we-narrowly-escaped-a-car-fire-aleteia/ Join our newsletter (don’t miss out): https://www.messyfamilyproject.org/join/ Cana 90 meditations: https://www.messyfamilyproject.org/tag/cana90/   

Men today can’t do anything right. The world has taken the idea of masculinity and distorted it to the point that it is barely recognizable from the ideal man celebrated one hundred years ago. As dynamic Catholics living in this time, we want to celebrate men and encourage them to reclaim their true identity and realize who God created them to be - fully using their gifts and masculine qualities to serve others. In this podcast, we use the apostolic letter “Into the Breach” written by Bishop Olmsted of Phoenix, AZ to put forward and answer three questions - What does it mean to be a Catholic man? How do men love? And why is fatherhood so crucial? Referenced For the full Apostolic Exhortation: Into the Breach visit https://intothebreach.org/into-the-breach/ Wild at Heart: https://amzn.to/2TiZmx4 Abba’s Heart: https://amzn.to/2ue8Vn3 For past posts for Cana 90: https://www.messyfamilyproject.org/tag/cana90/

We have a very exciting program to share with you all in this podcast that we are doing for Lent. We know that we want to bring our wills and our hearts closer to God, but how do we make sacrifices and offer up our wills as a married couple? What do sacrifices in Lent look like when you are raising children and are already laying down your life and your body for them? Our beautiful faith provides the answer for us. Offer up our prayers and fasting to subdue our wills and then show mercy first to those closest to us, our spouse and children. Allow all the “built in” sacrifices that we do NOT choose during the day to become an offering pleasing to God. Do it all under the authority of your spouse, who you also have authority over. Listen to this podcast and sign up for more ideas, structure, and accountability in Cana 90! Sign up for the Cana 90 program: https://www.messyfamilyproject.org/join-cana-90/

Very frequently people will email or write to us asking for our organization secrets, tips, or techniques. Our secret is.. We don’t really have one. We do have principles and a philosophy that we live by, but the perfect system of organization for our home still eludes us. But, what we can give you is an overall view of how we make decisions and communicate with our children on making our home run so children are clothed, fed, and get where they need to go (for the most part!). Doing chores and managing schedules takes up much of our time as a family, but in the context of family culture, that is actually not the most important part of your family. Family operations needs to be seen in the context of your WHOLE family life and parents need to make sure the rest of the family culture is not neglected because so much energy is spent on our physical needs. Listen to the podcast, and then take a look as some of the resources that go with this podcast on our website. We have more practical tips there! For resources, family organization app and cool products we use visit us: https://www.messyfamilyproject.org/mfp-106-family-operations/

“I define connection as the energy that exists between people when they feel seen, heard, and valued; when they can give and receive without judgment; and when they derive sustenance and strength from the relationship.” – Brené Brown There have been times in our marriage when we felt ourselves drifting apart. Not because of any one catastrophic event, but just because we weren’t working on our relationship. We were just getting by. But in a culture antithetical to marriage, just getting by is not enough. All Catholic couples need to work to cultivate a dynamic, vibrant relationship, strong enough to bear the demands of family life, and weather everything the world will throw at it. The reality is, we are never done working on our marriage. In this podcast we discuss the importance of “checking in” with our spouse to see how we are doing. To do this effectively we need to practice how to listen but also practice being vulnerable. This podcast has a worksheet that you can download at our website and use as a tool to work with your spouse towards a more intentional, unified marriage. Download our three part guide to a more united marriage at https://www.messyfamilyproject.org/marriage/ Also you will find other items like the parish bulletin insert and how to celebrate and advocate for marriage online. Its not about the nail video- https://www.messyfamilyproject.org/video-its-not-about-the-nail/ Daring Greatly by Brené Brown (https://amzn.to/2TzTwIV)

A parenting fail is simply a lesson wrongly considered.   ~ Mike and Alicia Hernon Have you ever let your emotions get the better of you? Have a discipline plan go south? Have a fun family time turn into a disaster? Yes, us too. All parents make mistakes! Even though we have a marriage and family podcast and we share advice and ideas, please don’t think that we (like you!) haven’t had some big “fails” ourselves! In this podcast, we share some stories of things we have done that didn’t turn out the way we planned. The good news is that through these fails we have learned lessons that stay with us even today. Hopefully you will be able to see yourselves in our stories, laugh a little bit and maybe even learn something from these examples of our own messy parenting!

“A family doesn’t need to be perfect; it just needs to be united.” Families are busy – running from place to place with little time to look where they are going or to even form an idea of what they want their family to look like. The Family Board Meeting is a tool that couples can use to cast a vision for their family and create concrete goals that will make that vision a reality. In this podcast we discuss the importance of this time, talk about elements of a Family Board Meeting, and we give suggestions on logistics that will make it happen. Go to our website https://www.messyfamilyproject.org/resources/ to download the guide that can go along with this podcast. Creating a vision for your family and setting goals as a team is a powerful way for couples to be more intentional about building their own family culture.

Most parents realize that young children are not little adults and they have particular needs for their physical and mental well-being. We must realize that they have particular needs for their spiritual well-being as well. Parents need to learn how to tend the seed of their child’s faith life and that starts with acknowledging the differences, and realizing that in many ways, the child is closer to God than we are! The beautiful thing about parenting is that as we nurture our child’s faith, we will grow closer to God ourselves. We must learn from the child how to have a “child-like” faith as Jesus taught in the gospels. Listen in as we explain how the child’s faith is different than ours and how we can nurture their faith in appropriate ways. For more on this show and other resources visit: https://www.messyfamilyproject.org/