Messy Family Podcast : Catholic conversations on marriage and family

…do good, be rich in good deeds, and be generous and willing to share. In this way they will lay up treasure for themselves as a firm foundation for the coming age, so that they may take hold of the life that is truly life. 1 Timothy 6:18-19 Where we spend our money is a very personal decision. The fruits of our labors are important and where our money goes reflects our values. Giving money away is where the rubber hits the road in our relationship with God. How much to we recognize that we are dependent on Him? Do we really give Him all we have? Using part of our hard earned money to serve the Lord is a reflection of our lives that are given to Him. Listen in to hear our philosophy, but also some practical advice on how to discern what God is calling you to in giving some of our resources to the service of His Kingdom.

I know God won’t give me anything I can’t handle; I just wish He didn’t trust me so much. The common answer when people ask “How are you doing?” is often, “I am so busy!” Sometimes being busy is good, but when you feel as if you are riding the crest of a wave, but you trip and the wave crashes over you, something has to give. There are many things about being a parent that are overwhelming, because much of what we are dealing with is new to us! When you are overwhelmed, parents need to stop and reevaluate. Listen in to this podcast – our first in a few weeks! – where we give some sympathy, empathy, but also some good ideas of how to deal with the common experience of being overwhelmed.

“To love is to be vulnerable.” – C.S. Lewis, The Four Loves Many cry that marriage is under attack, but often the attack is actually more like a cancer that creeps into our relationship with the person that we should feel totally safe with – our spouse. For our marriages to grow, we need to reveal ourselves to the other and this involves risk. For many men, the risk is seeming weak. For women, the risk is getting hurt. But there really is no option! In the married relationship you are either growing or dying. We need to all learn how to honestly share our inmost thoughts and feelings in the context of marriage if our marriage is truly going to bring us life. In this podcast, we talk about what holds us back, why we should go forward, and what the fruit of vulnerability is in our marriage.

Let everyone be subject to the governing authorities, for there is no authority except that which God has established. The authorities that exist have been established by God. – Romans 13:1 Every day it seems like we hear of another act of violence by police or against police. Where is the respect for authority in our culture? How can we teach respect to our children? Actually, the more important question is why should we teach that to our children? In this podcast we talk about the importance of respect for authority because authority ultimately comes from God. Our culture right now has a disrespect for authority. We need to change that and it starts with our own family.

I don’t believe an accident of birth makes people brothers or sisters. It makes them siblings, gives them mutuality of parentage. Sisterhood or brotherhood is a condition people have to work at. – Maya Angelou Growing up all we remember was fighting with our siblings. Now, they are our best friends, an integral part of our identity. Creating an environment in which siblings can form sisterhood and brotherhood should be an essential part of your parenting playbook. Your children’s relationships need to survive distance, conflict and the test of time long after you are gone. How do you do that now? How do you make that a priority in your family? Listen in as we share our experiences as siblings and as parents of a large Catholic family.

“Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they? Can any one of you by worrying add a single hour to your life?” Matthew 6:26-27 Parents worry about so many things. When you have kids its like part of your heart is walking around outside of you! What is worth the mental and emotional energy of concern on your part and what is not? In this podcast we discuss the things that parents worry about and the Catholic response to worry.

“We must learn to regard people less in the light of what they do or omit to do, and more in the light of what they suffer.” ― Dietrich Bonhoeffer Our faith celebrates and values children and openness to life, so having one child or no children can be particularly painful for Catholic couples who long for a big family. To discuss this topic on a personal level we interviewed Brad and Jessica Sheguit, Alicia’s sister and brother-in-law who have carried this burden for over 7 years. In this podcast, Brad and Jessica share their struggles and give advice on how to support couples who carry this hidden cross. * Church’s teaching on fertility treatments: USCCB & another doc * Additional Catholic information: www.catholicinfertility.org/ * NaPro technology: www.fertilitycare.org

Every single person has a different perspective when looking at the same thing. How many times in our marriage do we come into conflict with our spouse over things that are not moral issues, just differences in opinion? It happens pretty often especially when you are first starting out and beginning your family. In this podcast we help you to see that those differences are actually gifts. We just need to figure out how to discuss our differences in a productive way. Many of our examples for this podcast come from listener emails that we felt were important to respond to.

You can’t put your head in the sand. If you don’t bring up tough issues with your child, they are going to encounter them, but from the perspective of someone else. When do you bring up sticky issues with your kids? It’s so hard to know when and if you should discuss things like terrorism, abortion, or where babies come from. Kids bring up topics at the most inconvenient times! Plus, life is messy and as much as we would like to keep our children innocent forever, that is just not possible. In this podcast, we share some of our experiences and give some guidelines on how we have handled these issues with our kids. Listen in and let the conversation begin. Conversation Questions: * How will we protect our child’s innocence? * What issues are on the horizon for our family? * What’s our response as parents to these issues?

Community is a sign that love is possible in a materialistic world where people so often either ignore or fight each other. It is a sign that we don’t need a lot of money to be happy – in fact, the opposite. ~ Jean Vanier (Founder of L’Arche) Relationships are a complicated thing, but somehow we can’t live without them. Just as it is not good for man to be alone, it is also not good for a family to be alone. We are created to live in community. How do we do this when our lifestyles tend to isolation? How do you find community with people who share your values? How do you create community where there is none? In this podcast we share some experiences and ideas of how to form meaningful relationships with other people and why this is vital to the health of Catholic families.

Being a working mom is not easy – you have to be willing to screw up at every level. ~Jami Gertz The phrase “working mother” is redundant. First, let’s be clear – deciding if mom should work outside the home is not a moral issue. It is a personal decision made by couples in light of their priorities. In this day and age, most mothers have to work at some point. Some moms have home businesses, some work part-time, some work full time, some are able to not work at all. No matter what, the employment decision is a difficult one for families. In our family, Alicia has worked part time and full time so we have had to wrestle with many of these issues. Here are some questions for couples to discuss: Do we appreciate the role of a mom and how she contributes to the household by the work she is doing at home? How are we balancing the needs of our children with the financial needs of our family? If mom is working, what is our financial plan? We also responded to a listener question about having more children when mom has to work in order to keep the family afloat.

“The Lord gave me this challenging child for a purpose. He wants me to mold and shape this youngster and prepare him or her for a life of service to Him.” ― James C. Dobson This episode is really meant for parents of little kids. Kids who push other kids because they actually like them, but don’t know how to play with anyone because they are only 3 yrs old! The reactions of our society to aggressive kids (usually boys) range from disbelieving shock (“How could that child DO such a thing?”) to indifference (“He is just going through a stage”) but neither response is really the right one. Little guys are just raw personality and it is amazing! But that little personality needs to be formed and trained by their parents – and yes, that means you. It can be truly embarrassing to have an aggressive child, but get used to it, because your child is just beginning his work of embarrassing you! We also have some advice for kids at the other end of the spectrum – those who get picked on and pushed over. They too need to learn the right way to respond that will not teach them to be a doormat, which is not what we want our children to be. We also respond to a listener question from MP044 Criticizing your husband.

Disrespect rarely motivates a man. When we judge or criticize another person, it says nothing about that person it merely says something about our own need to be critical. Which statement to you agree with more – “I don’t know how I could live without him”, or “I don’t know how he could live without me”? Do we treat our husbands like a child? Do we criticize our husbands in public or to friends? Criticism doesn’t achieve the change women are looking for — ever. Attacking the need to be respected a sure way to put your marriage on the road to danger. How can wives speak to their husbands respectfully? How can husbands and wives work as a team to improve their marriage and their lives?

“I have this problem with low self-esteem, which is really ridiculous when you consider how amazing I am.” ~ the modern child Raising confident children is the obsession of many parents today. Cries of “Good job!” “You can do it!” “You are awesome!” can be heard in playgrounds, sporting events, and auditoriums all over the country. Is this really how we should ground our children and help them to be the best they can be? The key to self-esteem is not what you do, but who you are. Who are you? You are a child of God, created in His image. Listen in as we delve into this topic and explore how we can communicate to our children true confidence based in reality. Conversations starter questions: * What activities can I do to help give my child confidence? * How do I build my teens identity as a child of God? * Where does my identity come from? In my accomplishments or in who I am?

‘Spend’ your time on paper before you ‘spend’ it in reality “How do you do it?” People ask us this question all the time, so we finally decided to answer it, at least in part. In this podcast, we share why a routine is important and why families should budget their time, just as they budget their money. How do you make up this “budget”? Decide what your values are then they should be evidenced in your routine. As usual, we give some principles, and then some specifics on how to make a routine for your family that reflects your values and ideals. Discussion Questions: * What is our routine? Do we have a routine? * Does it align with our values? * What do we want to change about it? Other podcast referenced: * Chores * Family Board Meeting * Family Dinners