Eyres on the Road

We all plan to be good parents, even perfect parents, who always keep our cool and always know what to do. But in reality, we are often discouraged, frustrated, and at a loss. And the problem is that we are comparing our difficult reality with the perfect-looking unreality of other families on Social Media or sitting calmly in Church while we are trying to keep our incorrigible kids quiet. On today's show, the Eyres talk about the virtue of not-comparing and showcase a book Linda wrote called I Didn't Plan to be a Witch--a book that offers no advice or solution but just tells the horror stories of real family situations. Interestingly, it is the book that Linda gets the most comments on--from moms who say that hearing how hard it was for her makes them feel better about themselves.

On this week's show, the Eyres suggest that the 2020 New Year can be symbolic of the clear vision we want to have of our families and of the relationships that mean most to us. Goals and resolutions for the coming year can include the specific things we want to teach our children during the 12 months ahead. Linda and Richard believe that the goal with preschoolers should be to teach them how to be happy, and to help them understand and feel different kinds of joy, from the joy of the earth to the joy of sharing. And focusing on teaching one specific kind of joy each month is what makes this effective. The same philosophy applies for teaching elementary age kids responsibility and for teaching kids of all ages the exact values that you want them to embrace. In each case, the key is a focus on ONE value, or ONE kind of joy or ONE kind of responsibility each month. To illustrate, the Eyres read a couple of stories from their 21st book--the second volume of a book of children's stories that each teach a particular kind of joy to three and four year olds, and they end with a challenge to include teaching and relationship goals in our new year's resolutions. 

This Christmas week, parents will want to do all they can to help children feel the gift of giving along with the gift of getting. By making this a conscious goal, parents can set aside a time when all the focus is on children giving their gifts and being praised for their sensitivity and generosity. Their book Teaching Children Charity, which the Eyres talked about two weeks ago, is a highly religious and spiritual book. After it was written, Balantine Books, a division of Random House, wanted a more secularized version of the book, which was titled Teaching Children Sensitivity. If a parent wants to be deliberate and focused on helping a child to be more empathetic and aware of the needs and feelings of others, there are four steps: First to help the child see and notice more, particularly in the faces of others, second to listen better and ask better questions, third to express his own feelings more openly, and fourth to do more or give more service to others.

Most parents know the value as well as the joy of reading stories to their children, but we often can't seem to find the time. Christmas is the season to find the time! And there are a wealth of fabulous Christmas stories for all ages. The beauty of Christmas story books is that most of them teach a principle and can expand a child's understanding of giving, of receiving with gratitude, of helping, of caring for those in need. Today on the show the Eyres read three Joy School Stories, one of which teaches the joy of giving, one the joy of loving who you are rather than wanting to be someone else, and one the joy of making good choices. The benefits of reading children run from close physical contact to the power of listening to learning to be expressive with ones' voice to discussing together the principles and lessons learned. 

Since we as adults have such a hard time with charity, we sometimes assume that it is too big a principle for children to learn. But as it turns out, kids can sometimes be better at empathy, sensitivity and charity than we are! The Eyres broadcast today's show from Gilbert, AZ. where they are joined by their daughter Shawni Pothier of the popular blog 71toes.com and they discuss how the Christmas season can be a time to help children think about the concept of charity. The big question is how to mix the "getting" of Santa and stockings with the "giving" of Christ and of charity. The Eyres have some ideas, such as separating the two and totally devoting Christmas Eve to the giving of gifts to each other, with all the focus on the giver, and resigning the getting part to Christmas morning. Tying in with their book Teaching Children Charity, today's show will give you lots of insights and ideas about raising more sensitive, other-centered kids.

So much of succeeding in life is about balance. Balancing work with family, balancing structure with spontaneity, balancing relationships with achievements. And no one needs to face the challenges of balance more than busy parents who have to think about the needs of their children, of their spouse, of their work, of their bodies, of their church, of their community, often of their ageing parents, and on and on. Today on the show, the Eyres talk about their own struggles with balance and give some simple things they have learned that have helped them to bring more balance into their complicated lives. They also give listeners a gift of their classic book Lifebalance for free by going to EyresFreeBooks.com. Join the Eyres this week in thinking about getting more balance in YOUR life, and remember to subscribe to Eyres on the Road on your favorite podcast app.

Parents can learn from the "best practices" of other families and can establish family systems that make the household run better and more efficiently and that give children a sense of security and consistency. On today's show, the Eyres talk about setting up a "family infrastructure" of family laws, family responsibilities, and family rituals and traditions that, like any infrastructure, take a while to build, but that then help everything to run more smoothly and effeciently. Using their book Mother, Father, and the Family that Worked (available for free at EyresFreeBooks.com), Richard and Linda cover things like "daddy dates," "tutors and tutees," "responsibility pegboards," the "family bank," weekly "family awards," and more.

Free to Be Free

On today's show, Richard and Linda discuss the gift of agency and the process through which agency can be exercised and developed into freedom. Ever since the War in Heaven, there has been an ongoing battle between false freedom and true freedom. Freedom from responsibility and difficulties and challenges is the false freedom that Satan proposed in that premarital conflict, which opposed the agency and opportunity for growth (but also for failure) that was championed by Christ. In our lives today, and in our families, we must learn to discern between these two freedoms; we must avoid being the kind of snowplow parents or helicopter parents that remove challenge and growth and the opportunity to fail from our children's lives. Real freedom is not free, and Richard talks about working for freedom from doubt, from guilt, and from caring too much about what others think.

Today the Eyres talk about the ups and downs, the highs and lows of motherhood. Richard essentially interviews Linda about her book Joyful Mother of Children. There have been three bestselling editions of this classic motherhood book, the first of which was written when Linda and Richard's children were preschoolers and elementary-schoolers, and the last edition when they were teens and college students. Linda discusses how to have perspective, how to simplify, and how to be flexible in "the most important occupation in the world. The book is available for free at EyresFreeBooks.com for those who want to go beyond the summary in this podcast.

No matter how many good parenting methods and techniques and ideas we have, sometimes the most valuable thing we can have is PERSPECTIVE! If we can learn to think of our children as our equals, as our brothers and sisters as well as our children, as offspring of the same Heavenly Father as we, it will give us a sense of stewardship and respect that will make us better parents in every regard. This week the Eyres start with that beautiful and sacred moment when we first look into the eternity-eyes of our new infant and feel, somehow, that this is an "old soul" and that what is inside is much greater and more ancient than the genetic creation of our bodies. Remembering this feeling can make us better parents.  The Eyres book The Change That we Call Birth is the text for this podcast, and if you want to go deeper, the book is free on EyresFreeBooks.com.

This week the Eyres discuss how important Sundays can be in keeping families on track and in helping children learn to set goals and communicate better with siblings and parents. Thinking of the Sabbath not only as a day of rest but as a day of renewal and re-creation can give families a fresh start each week and allow parents and children to "spiritually create" the week ahead before it happens. Holding "Sunday Sessions" as a family where the schedule is reviewed concerns are communicated can draw everyone closer together. Richard and Linda suggest several methods and ideas for making Sundays a special, anticipated day that children look forward to rather than a restrictive day that they resent. Living the Sabbath in this way can be a great simplifier and clarifier for families that make the deliberate effort to make each Sunday a positive family experience.

This week the Eyres discuss the universal challenge of helping children grow into responsible adults. Many studies show that the single biggest concern of parents worldwide is "Raising Responsible Kids in an Irresponsible World" and Richard and Linda break down the subject into twelve different kinds of responsibility--one each month of the year for parents to focus on.  

This week the Eyres talk about how essential it is to give our children a strong identity as part of a lasting family.  Studies show that kids who know "where they came from" in terms of their ancestors and their stories are more resilient and secure than kids who don't. Richard and Linda focus in on the tenth book they ever wrote, a novel called The Awakening, which is about an amnesiac and his search for who he is.  The book is written as an adventure and a romance, but on a symbolic level it is about the search for identity that we all go through and how we can discover what is most important and make what matters the core of who we are.  The book is available for free on EyresFreeBooks.com.

This week the Eyres discuss the principles of a book they wrote many years ago which is directed at fathers and husbands and which attempts to give men four key concepts or words that can be programmed into their minds to form their attitudes and approaches as husbands ("Partner," "Protect," "Patriarch," and "Priority"); and four other principles or word-pegs that can form their approaches to fathering ("Confidence," "Calmness," "Consultant," and "Concentrate"). Each of these eight words is fleshed in with stories and illustrations of how they can make us into the type of dads and husbands we want to be.  At the beginning of the show, the Eyres pay tribute to the dads and husbands of today and how much more involved and committed they are than those of previous generations.