Eyres on the Road

In this time of crisis, uncertainty, and pandemic, The Eyres suggest that one of the things that helps most is to TAKE THE LONG VIEW OF THINGS! Yes, this is awful on many levels, but along with the silver linings we have mentioned on past shows, there is an opportunity to pull back and try to see the bigger picture. Quoting Shakespeare and Wordsworth, Richard and Linda point out that "sweet are the uses of adversity" and that "our birth is but a sleep and a forgetting." Seeing things bigger always makes what is happening at the moment seem smaller. Many people of faith believe not only in a eternal afterlife, but in an equally eternal pre-mortal life. On today's show, the Eyres talk about this "forever backward" and how it can help us to put the here and now in perspective.

Just returning from the marriage of their granddaughter which Richard performed on a red rock plateau above the Colorado River, the Eyres were in a reflective mood for today's show and pondering some of the blessings and tender mercies that can come out of this tragic pandemic. Participating in a world-wide fast and prayer, Richard and Linda discuss the silver lining of how many families are re-structuring their priorities and deliberately renewing their commitments to spouse and children and extended family during this time of crisis and loss. The forces of darkness say "fear and panic, close everything down, economic turmoil." But the forces of light say "unite neighborhoods, have family dinner, slow down and appreciate, teach our children, improve relationships." They also discuss their instagram post for this Easter weekend about the healing power of Christ.

During this time of isolation and quarantine, while many of us have more time with our children than ever before the Eyres have a challenge: Use a little of this "extra time" to have some very important and special individual talks with our children about sex and intimacy. On today's show, Richard and Linda give us an actual, proven dialogue that has been used by tens of thousands of parents to give their children a positive yet protective view of sex.  They suggest several preliminary discussions leading up to "the big talk" which ideally happens when a child turns eight. (but with variations for use when kids are a bit older.) Parents who have "the talk" will find that it opens a level of trust between them and their children that make ALL subjects easier and that opens up a higher form of parent-child communication.

As the pandemic continues, we hope and pray not only for a cure for the virus, but for some emotional first aid within our own families. We are truly in a new normal as parents with our kids, and we don't know how long it will last. On today's show, the Eyres talk about some simple applications of "emotional first aid" that can help us and our children to not only get through this crisis, but to build some strong family systems that will be valuable even when this pandemic is over. And we must remember that we need to take care of ourselves as well as our children. Find a way to get out and exercise and clear your head. Find time to meditate and to pray. Find time to comfort and reassure your children. Use technology to stay close to those you love and need emotional nourishment from even though you can't be with them. You can do this! You are stronger than you know!

In "normal life" there is often a disconnect between what we know is most important and where we spend our time and mental energy. We all know family is our top priority, but it often gets less attention and effort than our jobs and our other interests. This pandemic, with everything canceled and with kids out of school, may actually help us better align what matters most and where we spend our effort and our energy. This all ties in with the powerful concept of Stewardship and of acknowledging that we own nothing and God owns everything--thus we need to be better stewards over the most important stewardship of all--our marriages and our families. On today's show, the Eyres outline what a Stewardship attitude looks like and how it can help us get through this pandemic and actually improve our priorities and our stewardship responsibilities over the long term.

Along with the fear and frustration of this current situation with coronavirus, are there good things and perhaps rare opportunities within our families and inside our own heads? As events and church meetings and schools are canceled, and as we find ourselves less busy, can we (along with our caution and vigilance) find some special opportunities for introspection, for quality family time, for relationships, and for closer bonding with those we love?

On today's show, the Eyres tell the story of their long friendship with Rhodes Boyson, the British Member of Parliament who was Margaret Thatcher's Minister of Education and who had some very deep questions about Richard and Linda's faith and about their beliefs about the eternal nature of families. The Eyres wrote several long letters to Boyson, and later put those letters into a book called "The Wrappings and the Gifts" which was an attempt to explain why faith and a belief in a life before and a life after can have such a profoundly positive impact on the kind of marriage partners and parents we become. The book is free at EyresFreeBooks.com. To conclude today's show, the Eyres mention an Abraham Lincoln quote that says "there are times when I am driven to my knees by the overwhelming conviction that I have no place else to go." This is often the way parents feel, and an appeal to a higher source can yield inspiration and guidance concerning what our children need.

What is the single quality that all naturally good parents seem to have? On today's show, the Eyres claim that that key, essential quality is an attitude of serendipity! Serendipity, as defined by the man who coined the word, Horace Walpole, is "a state of mind whereby one, through awareness and sensitivity, frequently finds something better than that which he was seeking." The implication is that we can have our goals and make our lists, but we need to be aware and sensitive enough to notice when something better comes along unexpectedly--an idea, a sunset, a question from a child, a need that someone has, any kind of beautiful and unplanned moment that we could interpret as an interruption or irritation but that we choose to interpret as a serendipity. It is with this kind of spontaneity and sensitivity that we recognize the teaching moments when we can really help our children, and as the Eyres said in a previous show, it is good to "always put off a put-off-able in favor of a now or never." And when the spiritual dimension is added, serendipity includes the nudges, the impressions, the inspiration of the Spirit which guide us in our parenting and in knowing what our children need. 

Too often we think life will be better when....or wasn't it great back then...or if only we lived somewhere else. Today on the show, the Eyres talk about gratitude and appreciation and teaching our kids to appreciate the now and to love where they live. Back in the 90s when Richard was running for Governor, he and Linda wrote a book called Utah in the Year 2000 which was about making Utah a great state for families and appreciating and preserving the state's beauty. With their children, in a motor home, the Eyres visited every city and town in the state (over 300 of them) and learned that every place can be beautiful and taught their kids that everyone has a story and can teach us something. Enjoy this look backward and this look forward as we think about teaching our children to "bloom where they are planted."

On today's show, the Eyres talk about some of the old sayings or cliches that just don't work very well for families today. In our busy world, we need to turn it around and say "Don't Just Do Something, Sit there!" And instead of "If a thing is worth doing, it's worth doing well" we need to say "If a thing is just barely worth doing, just barely do it." We need to relax. Instead of saying "Hurry up" we need to tell ourselves, and our kids, to "slow down." And we need to be present! Instead of "Never put off till tomorrow that which you can do today" we need to "Always put off a put-off-able in favor of a now-or-never." Richard and Linda give us 20 or so of a new kind of maxim that can replace the old sayings that don't work any more.

Today, the Eyres talk about the three things that every lasting institution has: A set of rules or laws (a legal system), a way of sharing responsibility (an economy), and repeating rituals that hold people together (lasting traditions). If we want our families to be lasting institutions, we must have these same three things -- a family legal system, a family economy, and a set of powerful family traditions. If parents build these three things (or three steps) thoughtfully and deliberately, and if they involve the kids in creating each of the three steps, they will maximize their family's chance to thrive, to be strong, and to last. Listen in for the Eyres' insights on each of the three steps, and go to valuesparenting.com for more detail on implementing each of them.

On Today's show, Richard and Linda tell the inside story of their book Teaching Your Children Values which became the first family and parenting book in 50 years to reach #1 on the New York Times Bestseller list. It is an exciting story involving Oprah, the Today Show, and two of the largest publishers in the world. More importantly, the Eyres discuss why it is so important to deliberately and systematically teach our children values, and how this can best be done by isolating one specific value each month to work on in your family.

When we think we own things, it is the beginning of pride.  Ownership is essentially a lie, because God owns all, and we are the recipients of His gifts. When our paradigm is ownership, we inevitably compare what we have with what others have, and the results are envy, coveting, condescension, and a whole host of other win-lose mentalities and emotions. A much more true paradigm, and by far a more happy one, is STEWARDSHIP.  We are stewards over all things God has given. Even the things we have worked hard for and inclined to think we own. An attitude of stewardship turns everything into a win-win and gives us an accurate and spiritual lens through which to view the world. And oh how much this applies to families and to parenting and to marriage. Parents who imagine that they own their kids--that they are their genetic creations and belongings--become the worst kind of parents, with lots of "power" and very little respect. On the other hand, when we think of ourselves as blessed stewards over our children, we respect them and love them in ways that nurture and help them to grow. Along with Serendipity (last week's show) Stewardship forms the book-end attitudes of good marriages and good parenting.    

We would all like to have more control over our time, our kids, our relationships, our schedules, but life happens, and so often things come up that throw us off of our plan and get in the way of our "lists." On today's show, Richard and Linda introduce us to their favorite word--Serendipity--and explain that the word can become a mind-set that makes us more spontaneous, more fun, and more relaxed. The original definition of Serendipity is "A state of mind wherein a person, through sensitivity and awareness, frequently finds something better than what he was seeking." This quality can allow us to see teaching moments, to love rather than resent the surprises and interruptions of our lives, and to be more tuned-in to the relationships that matter most.  In fact, the Eyres say that an attitude of serendipity may be the most important quality that a parent or marriage partner can develop.

On today's show, the Eyres tell us about an effort to locate the most positive and family-helpful social media and Internet sites. As parents and as marriage partners, we worry about the negative effects that our small screens can have on our kids--and on us! We know there are some good, family-strengthening websites, podcasts, YouTube videos, blogs, and social media, but how do we find them and narrow it down to the very best and most helpful ones? Well, as the Eyre's announce today, a panel of reviewers and judges have sorted through hundreds of nominees for the FAMILY.IS Social Media Awards and come up with 10 finalists in each of the six categories. Richard and Linda challenge us to go to http://awards.family.is/ and vote for our favorites--but more importantly to pick out and follow the sites that resonate and that will help us most with our own families.