The Asterios Feed Where Asterios Puts Things

Yotie writes, "Please tell us a Vegan/hipster cooking show in a super condescending/angry/virtue signaling/smug/fair trade/Holier than you/sassy way." You're the boss, Yotie! To get your own personal episode of The Five Minute Podcast, visit patreon.com/asterios [Feb '17: 055]

Lakembra writes, "I have a golden ticket to Mike Cernovich's mysterious and magical pill factory. In the voice of Mike Cernovich, please give me the tour. Describe all the amazing pills you're creating and their effects. Bonus points for doing the whole podcast as Cernovich and never breaking character." Sure thing, buddy! To get your own personal episode of The Five Minute Podcast, visit patreon.com/asterios [DEC '16: 040]

Travis writes, "Tell me of your finest D&D hour." OK! To get your own personal episode of The Five Minute Podcast, visit patreon.com/asterios [Feb '17: 063]

Ed R. writes, "Steve Urkel was so kind to the entire Winslow family and each one of them, except Mother Winslow, was exceptionally shitty to him. What would Urkel say if one day he got really drunk, belligerent and finally told them to fuck off?" Let's find out! To get your own personal episode of The Five Minute Podcast, visit patreon.com/asterios [Feb '17: 037]

Nick M. writes, "Drop the newest rap single by famed musician MC Coconuts." Donezo! [Feb '17: 008]

Mike C. writes, "Without breaking character narrate the thoughts of a Machamp that just got home from his office job that he's both terrible at and knows he's terrible at." Will do! To get your own personal episode of The Five Minute Podcast, visit patreon.com/asterios

David L writes, "The prequels, but Mace Windu is now Jules Winnfield." Let's do this!

Max asks, "Discuss Disneyland (or Disneyworld if you've never been to Disneyland). What do you think of it? What are your favorite bits? (Try to list SOME bits that aren't Star Wars related you giant nerd). What are the funniest things at or about Disneyland? Is there anything there you think downright sucks and needs to be ousted? Just riff and ruminate for me on all things D, baby." OK!

"Who are some of your favorite tragic villains? The kind of antagonists who are mislead, have the best intentions gone wrong, or truly believe they are doing the right thing. What about their stories appeal to you?" I'll answer this! To get your own personal episode of The Five Minute Podcast recorded just for you, visit patreon.com/asterios.

Kyle asks, "Pitch a movie...the redemption of Jar Jar Binks, A Star Wars standalone!" Now THIS is podcasting. To get your own personal episode of The Five Minute Podcast recorded just for you, visit patreon.com/asterios.

Peach writes, "Tell me how and why Peach Saliva is better than me in every conceivable way." (Sighs) ...ok To get your own personal episode of The Five Minute Podcast recorded just for you, visit patreon.com/asterios.

Andrew writes, "Give me five minutes of Ponda Baba's inner monologue as he encounters Luke and Obi Wan in the Cantina scene from Episode IV." Done deal! To get your own personal episode of The Five Minute Podcast recorded just for you, visit patreon.com/asterios.

Charles writes, "Please review mai two waifus: Louise Francois le Blanc de la Valliere (primary waifu) and Misaka Mikoto (secondary waifu)." Troubling, but ok! To get your own personal episode of The Five Minute Podcast recorded just for you, visit patreon.com/asterios.

Welcome to the first episode of The Five Minute Podcast! To get your own personalized episode, visit patreon.com/asterios

Kellan writes, "I am going to make you review metal/grindcore/hardcore punk songs. This month I want you to listen to "Each Dawn I Die," by Disfear." You got it!