The Recovery Show » Finding serenity through 12 step recovery in Al-Anon – a podcast

“Our sight, once clouded and confused, will clear and we will be able to perceive reality and recognize truth.” Our sight, once clouded… * Implies impaired vision * Only able to see a short distance * Lacking perspective * Denial * Paradoxically living in the future * Guilt * Overcompensation * I had a very narrow vision, everything was black or white, all or nothing * Conflict or disagreement was threatening, I did not understand collaboration. And confused…. How was I confused? * Impaired thought processes, * Clouded reality also makes me think of the four M’s: martyrdom, manipulation, mothering and managing * I was a fixer and manager, I thought that would help the situation * I believed I was responsible for everything, I had to do everything for my family * I had no understanding of boundaries, healthy relationships, how to nurture them, * Any feedback or criticism was interpreted as a direct assault * Others came first, always * I did not value myself * I did not believe myself loveable * Believing that I needed to control everything and everyone * Believing I had control over people, places, and things * Not seeing how my life, my behavior, my attitudes had been affected by this disease. We will be able to perceive reality * We climb out of the clouds one step at a time * This is part of the process, it becomes clearer the more we work the steps and use the tools of the program * As I work the steps, I become more able to perceive reality * Decluttering my mind and life prepares me for future growth We will be able to recognize truth * This is a spiritual concept.  We are spiritual beings, not just beings. * Recognize the truth of who and what I am – both positive and negative. * I can only do this when I believe in a higher power that I can count on to care for me * Looking at parts of myself that I don’t like requires it being balanced with acknowledging my assets * Like a tight rope walker with a balancing pole, have to put equal weights on either side or they will fall. * On the other hand, this cleared vision allows me to see the behaviors of those in my life for what they were – sometimes lies, sometimes attempts at manipulating me, unnecessary or inappropriate judging coupled with condescension, sometimes attempts at preserving the status quo as I was changing, * Allowed me to recognize the truth that my loved ones suffered from an addiction and deserved love and compassion, regardless of what choices I made for myself or what stage of their addiction they were in. Readings in this episode are from the Al-Anon book Discovering Choices. This is the third episode in a sequence on the “Gifts of Al-Anon“, which are described on pp. 268-9 of the book From Survival to Recovery. Upcoming topics include Step 1 “We admitted we were powerless over alcohol — that our lives had become unmanageable.” How have you found power in admitting your powerlessness? How was (is) your life unmanageble? How does this step help lead you into recovery? Please call us at 734-707-8795 or email feedback@therecoveryshow.com with your questions or experience, strength and hope. Or just leave a comment right here. Mentioned in the show Claire asked about setting limits on her children. We've done a few episodes on boundaries, including:

Can you say what is your purpose? How do you decide what to do on a daily basis? What do you want to be “when you grow up”? This episode is inspired by the book Life on Purpose. * How has recovery challenged me to articulate my values and my purpose? * What is the purpose of “purpose”? * Give direction and meaning to my life * Articulate what matters to me * Creating my life vs taking life for granted. * Live a longer and healthier life? * “So let’s imagine a drug that was shown to add years to your life; reduce the risk of heart attack and stroke; cut your risk of Alzheimer’s disease by more than half; help you relax during the day and sleep better at night; double your chances of staying drug- and alcohol-free after treatment; activate your natural killer cells; diminish your inflammatory cells; increase your good cholesterol; and repair your DNA. What if this imaginary drug reduced hospital stays so much that it put a dent in the national health-care crisis? Oh, and as a bonus, gave you better sex? The pharmaceutical company who made the drug would be worth billions. The inventors of the drug would receive Nobel Prizes and have institutes named for them! But it’s not a drug. It’s purpose. And it’s free. Oh, and the side effects? More friends. More happiness. Deeper engagement in life. And did I mention better sex?” * Eudaimonic (self-transcending) vs Hedonic (self-enhancing) pleasure. * Eudaimonic pleasure: Connecting with our (inner) divinity, living in harmony with it. * Hedonic pleasure: gratifying short-term desires. * How do we do this in recovery? Step 11! * How do I find and describe my purpose? * Consider my different roles? Do I have a purpose in each of those roles? * Community * Work * Family * Self * What do I want written on my headstone? (“Mentor, Husband and Father”? Or “Highest score in Candy Crush”?) * What are my values? * From episode 101: Integrity, Commitment, Acceptance, Love * How do these drive my purpose? * What other values might be part of my purpose? * What are the values of people I admire? How do they live their purposes? * Affirming values as a reason for behavior change enhances the ability to make that change. (Connecting to Steps 6 & 7.) * A positive approach to behavior change. * From AA Big Book: “On awakening let us think about the twenty-four hours ahead. We consider our plans for the day. Before we begin, we ask God to direct our thinking, especially asking that it be divorced from self-pity, dishonest or self-seeking motives.” * And “When we retire at night, we constructively review our day.” * What are my goals (based on my values)? (Statements starting with “To…”) * To lead others into recovery. (Community) * To create software that makes a difference in people’s lives. (Work) * To be a loving and committed husband, father, and son. (Family) * To be fully present and to enjoy life. (Personal) * Self-transcendance * Step 3 – Living according to my Higher Power’s will. * “Make the other band members look and sound good. Bring out the best in them; that’s your job.” – CHRISSIE HYNDE * Find a self-transcending “why” for what I do, and I will do better! * But also: set good boundaries! * Time management or Energy management? * It’s really about energy management. * Positive affirmation of values and purpose can increase energy. (also “gratitude list”) * But not just energy – it needs direction. Without a direction, all the energy in the world is unlikely to accomplish something. * Roughly two thousand years ago,

Last weekend, I drove back to the city I grew up in, to attend a memorial service for a childhood friend. As family and friends shared their memories of my friend, I reflected on the ways we say “Yes!” to life in the presence of death. This week, I am re-issuing episode 76, Loss, with a new title. The original notes for that episode follow. What do you do when you lose someone close to you? How can I use the tools we have learned in the program to get through a loss? I was inspired to this topic by a tragic, accidental death in the past week. It brought me to reflect on the nature of loss, on how loss affects me and those close to me, and how my response to loss is so different now than it was before I came into the program. I used this outline as a guide for my musings. * The story. * How did I deal with loss in the past? * Stuff it * Ignore it * Numb it * Isolate * Other kinds of loss? * Loss of dreams * Loss of friendship * Separation and divorce * Fear of Loss * How has the program helped me to deal with loss? * Feel it. * Acceptance. * Gratitude for what was. * Grief process — acknowledge it. * Less guilt. * How to deal with loss and grief * Take care of self * Prayer * Ask for help * Talk about it * One Day at a Time * Letting go Our topic for next week is new topic. Please call us at 734-707-8795 or email feedback@therecoveryshow.com with your questions or experience, strength and hope. Or just leave a comment right here. Music from the show Green Day – Wake Me Up when September Ends Jimmy Eat World – Hear You Me  

Are you a mother? What did you learn from your mother? How has recovery changed your way of being a mother, or your relationship with your mother? Inspired by the US holiday, Mothers Day, Carrie and Spencer talk about mothers, their relationship with their mothers, and being a mother. * What was your mother like? * What was your relationship with her like? * Loving? * Complicated? * Difficult? * What did you learn from her? * About how to live? * About how to relate to others? * About being a parent? * Are you a mother now? * What did your mothering look like before coming into the program? * What has changed about how you are a mother since you came into recovery? * How do you incorporate what you have learned into your mothering? * How has your understanding of / relationship with your mother changed in recovery? * How do you relate to your mother now? Upcoming topics include loss and grief. Please call us at 734-707-8795 or email feedback@therecoveryshow.com with your questions or experience, strength and hope. Or just leave a comment right here. Links Akilah mentioned a meditation app, Stop Breathe, Think. Music from the show The cast of Empire, featuring Jussie Smollet: Good Enough Lunchmoney Lewis: Mama Elizabeth Mitchell: You Are my Sunshine Elizabeth Mitchell: You are my Sunshine  

This open talk by Ajit S was recorded at the We Are Not Saints AA roundup in 2007. I first heard Ajit on a tape or CD some years ago, when I was new in the Al-Anon. I liked what he had to say and how he said it. He has a great self-deprecating humor mixed with some real wisdom. In this talk, he reflects on his growth in the program and provided me with some insights that I really connected with. Our topic for next week is Mothers Day. What was relationship like with your mother – the challenges and gifts. If you are a mother, what did your mothering look like before program (if you came after being a mom for a while), and how do you incorporate what you've learned from Al Anon in your current mothering. Men, you can contribute, too, except you probably can't talk about your experience as a mother. Please call us at 734-707-8795 or email feedback@therecoveryshow.com with your questions or experience, strength and hope. Or just leave a comment right here. Music from the show Eva recommended Bob Moses with Tearing Me Up.    

Do you retreat into yourself when problems arise? Do you prefer not to hear bad news? Maybe you are shutting down as a defense. Here's our outline: Which of these statements do I connect with about shutting down? * “When I am stressed, I retreat into myself.” * “If I don’t think about a problem, it will go away.” (Tom) * “Instead of doing something, I chew over my problems in my head, over and over.” * “I escape into a book/movie/tv show/video game/… when I don’t want to face something.” * “Conflict just shuts me down. Sometimes I can’t even talk.” * “I keep busy with unimportant tasks, so I don’t have to face the things I don’t want to do.” (Tom) * “When there is chaos around me, I can’t do anything. I just shut down and retreat into my skull.” * “I hide by not answering the phone, or not opening mail.” (Tom) * “I fantasize about a better future, but I don’t seem to be able to do anything about getting there.” (Tom) * “In an airport or other public space I make sure nobody will sit next to me.” (Tom) * “I avoid difficult conversations at all costs.” * “There’s only one way to survive life. Shut down, or get hurt and die.” * What have I learned about myself, and about my ways of “shutting down” and “escaping”? * Conflict avoidant. * Lack of self-worth/self-esteem. * Fear of criticism, rejection, other mental/spiritual harm. * Fear of bodily harm. * Fear of intimacy. * Denial — if I don’t “know” about a problem, maybe it won’t happen. * Isolating * Depression * When can it be healthy to “shut down”? * Detachment * Taking a break * Resting * What tools can I use to face daily conflicts, problems, and discomfort of dealing with other people? * Serenity prayer. * Other prayers. * Inventory. (I can’t change something if I don’t see it.) * Gratitude. * Check in with program friends. * Living in the moment. “One day at a time.” * Meditation. * Practicing Step 10. “… and when we were wrong promptly admitted it.” * Self-acceptance * Vulnerability. * HOW: “Honest, open, and willing.” * Detachment — “it’s not me/mine” * Scheduling activities with others to prevent a self-isolating funk * Progress not perfection Some online resources Suppressing Emotions Emotionally Closed Off: Healing Pain and Learning to Love Why Anxiety Causes Detachment “Why anxiety causes detachment” (about the “bad” kind of detachment — distancing, emotional shutting down) Upcoming topics include another “gift of Al-Anon”. This one is “Our sight, once clouded and confused, will clear and we will be able to perceive reality and recognize truth.” Please call us at 734-707-8795 or email feedback@therecoveryshow.com with your questions or experience, strength and hope. Or just leave a comment right here. Links The 12 Traditions as a Guide to Relationships (PDF) Music from the show Christina Perri: Jar of Hearts Alessia Cara: Here Cocteau Twins: Throughout the Dark Months of April and May (and, yes, I mis-stated the title as “… March and April”. Wishful thinking?) https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6rhdLo_hHs8      

How do you meditate? Or, DO you meditate? Meditation is something of which many of us say “I need to do that!” “I've got to get into doing it regularly.” “I know it would really help me.” So why is this? What is blocking us? What good can it do us? And what ways are there to meditate? Spencer and Eric talk briefly about their (non-)understanding of meditation before coming to recovery. We explore some of the benefits of meditation. And talk about the ways in which we have practiced it. Eric points out that the key word here is “practice.” Just as we must exercise our muscles to become competent at a physical activity, we also need to exercise our “meditating muscles.” Carrie and Patty also share some of their experience and understanding. For some articles and a video about the benefits of meditation, read on. This short article, titled “Benefits of Meditation: The Power of the Silent Mind over the Body” quickly describes some of these benefits, including decreased anxiety and depression, along with increased pain tolerance, and and improved immune system. A fun article about “The Most Relaxing Songs of All Time, According to Science” lists 10 songs that promote relaxation, including “the most relaxing song, ever.” Spencer recalls using the music of Enya (number 4 in the list) to calm his young children when the chaos was just too much. (Science!) A blog post from Psychology Today, “How to Practice Mindfulness Meditation” is a brief introduction to this practice. It asks “Aren't we interested in tuning in to this natural wisdom, this brilliant sanity, that we've heard about?” Another entry from Psychology Today, titled “This is your Brain on Meditation” has more technical background about the effects and benefits of meditating. Forbes Magazine has an article “7 Ways Meditation can actually Change the Brain“, reporting that it “helps relieve our subjective levels of anxiety and depression, and improve attention, concentration, and overall psychological well-being.” The Insight Timer app is a great aid for iPhone or Android. Spencer also has used the Mindfulness app, which has a variety of silent and guided meditations. Eric participates in a regular phone meditation meeting at 8:30AM (Eastern US time) 712-432-8818 and then enter the PIN 8888#. Other Al-Anon phone meetings are listed at phonemeetings.org. Patty talked about the book “8 Minute Meditation” in her voice mail. Upcoming topics include the promise “Our sight, once clouded and confused, will clear and we will be able to perceive reality and recognize truth.” Please call us at 734-707-8795 or email feedback@therecoveryshow.com with your questions or experience, strength and hope. Or just leave a comment right here. Music from the show Cloud Cult: Time Machine Invention The Scientific Power of Meditation John Mayer: Gravity  

Do you sometimes feel that you have nothing to contribute? That your voice is meaningless? That you can't say anything to help others? I was inspired by this reading to say “No! Your voice matters!” Commitment People say, what is the sense of our small effort. They cannot see that we must lay one brick at a time, take one step at a time. A pebble cast into a pond causes ripples that spread in all directions. Each one of our thoughts, words and deeds is like that. — Dorothy Day Your voices, as heard via e-mail and by voice mail, form the heart of this episode. Dxpressing your experience, strength and hope, your fears, abd your questions. Carrie sent a list of topic ideas, but more than just that — she expressed her experience and her doubts on each one. The topics are listed below, and I'd love to hear from you. Some of these, we have talked about before, but there's always more to say, especially when your voice joins the conversation. What is your experience? What hope do you offer? Where have you found strength? And what questions do you still have? * Sleep * Perfectionism * How to rebuild trust when they stop drinking * When your loved one stops drinking but won't go to AA * Narcissism * Al-Anon speaker talks * How our Al-Anon-ism shows up physically * Al-Anon slip-ups * My first meeting * Sponsorship – how to find one * “Came to believe” * Finding myself again * Shutting down (as a defense) * Recovery on the road * Anger * Carrying the message * Gratitude * Anything inspired by Brené Brown * Hypervigilance * Parenting “the Al-Anon way” She also sent us a link to an Al-Anon speaker talk she particularly connects with. See below for the YouTube video. If you would like to contribute your voice, please call us at 734-707-8795 or email feedback@therecoveryshow.com with your questions or experience, strength and hope. See our contact page for more ways to join our conversation. Other episodes and links Our First Meetings – Episode 26 Parents roundtable – Episode 22 Living with Lies – Episode 132 Sponsorship – Episode 25 Sponsorship Round Table – Episode 32 Carrie sent us these links with quotes about failure: * http://www.brainyquote.com/quotes/topics/topic_failure.html * https://www.pinterest.com/lisaboerum/failure/ An Al-Anon speaker talk  

Have you done a fourth step inventory? How did you do it? Join Mike S. and David M. as they lead a workshop on using the 4th step inventory worksheets, based on the process described in the “How it Works” chapter in the AA Big Book. There are 4 worksheets, corresponding to the 4 inventory categories listed in the Big Book: resentments, fears, sex conduct, and harms to others. Each worksheet has 4 or 5 columns to be filled in, one column at a time. For example, in the worksheet for fears, the first column is headed “What am I afraid of?” In this column, I might list financial insecurity, (negative) judgement by others, people not liking me, etc. I should finish this column before moving on. The second column heading asks “Why do I have the fear?”. I might say “because I never seem to have as much money as I want” in the first row, and so on. The 3rd column is titled “Which part of self have I been relying on that has failed me?” It has sub-headings “self-reliance”, “self-confidence”, “self-discipline”, “self-will”, and a blank space to enter other parts of self, if these don't fit your case. In my first row, I might check “self-reliance” and “self-discipline”. In the second and third, I will clearly mark “self-confidence”. The fourth column asks “What part of self does the fear affect?”, and has these subheadings: Self esteem, pride, emotional security, pocketbook, ambitions, personal relations, and sex relations. Again, I will fill these in from top to bottom. In the first row, I check self esteem, emotional security, pocketbook, and ambitions. In the second, self esteem, pride, and personal relations. And so on. The other worksheets are arranged similarly. In each, you fill in columns from top to bottom, as completely as possible, before moving on to the next column. Mike and David work through several examples, and provide explanations of what some of the words and concepts mean to them. Members of the audience chime in with suggestions and questions. I feel that I have a better understanding now of how I could use these worksheets, having listened to their presentations. Our topic for next week is meditation. Do you meditate? How? Does the idea of sitting still and thinking of “nothing” just seem impossible? Are there are other ways to meditate? Please call us at 734-707-8795 or email feedback@therecoveryshow.com with your questions or experience, strength and hope. Or just leave a comment right here.  

We will discover that we are both, worthy of love and loving. We will love others without losing ourselves, and will learn to accept love in return. * What does this mean to you? * If you had read or heard this statement when you had just arrived in Al-Anon, what would you have thought of it? * would you have made sense of it at all? * would you have believed it could be true for you? * Did parts of that statement seem true already? Which parts and why? * What does it mean to you * To be worthy of love? * To be worthy of loving? * To love without losing yourself? * To accept love? * As you have traveled your recovery path, how has your understanding of this statement changed? * Are there parts you thought were true that you came to see were not true? * Did parts of it start to make sense? * Did you find a deeper understanding of parts of it? * Did you see that this was true of others in the program, and come to want it for yourself? * How do you see this gift coming true in your life today? * What progress do you still look forward to? * What would you say to a newcomer who can’t believe this could ever come true in their own life? Upcoming topics include meditation and recovery while traveling. Please call us at 734-707-8795 or email feedback@therecoveryshow.com with your questions or experience, strength and hope. Or just leave a comment right here. Mentioned in the show Episode 77 Why I came to Al-Anon. Why I stay? Episode 65 Hope Swetha and Kelli's goodbye letter. Music from the show Sara McLachlan: I will Remember you Miranda Cosgrove: Hey You Mary Lambert: Body Love Trigger warning: self-harm    

“Who will roll away the stone?” The story of Easter is one of resurrection and recovery. But, we need help to roll away the stone from the tomb of our despair and denial. In Al-Anon, we find that help. It might come from recognition that we are not alone, that others have been where we are, and have found serenity and happiness despite the unmanageability brought by alcoholism and addiction. It might come from working the 12 steps, and from the tools of our program of recovery. It might come from the love and support of a Higher Power that some of us name God. But however it might come, it does come when we seek it and work for it. Happy Easter, and may you find the recovery you are seeking. May you find the help you need to roll away your stone. The opening reading is from the blog Nancy's Chutney, titled Resurrection from deadness. Upcoming topics include meditation and another of the “Gifts of Al-Anon.” We will discover that we are both, worthy of love and loving. We will love others without losing ourselves, and will learn to accept love in return. How do you see this coming true in your life? Please call us at 734-707-8795 or email feedback@therecoveryshow.com with your questions or experience, strength and hope. Or just leave a comment right here. Music from the show Mott the Hoople: Roll Away the Stone Leon Russell: Roll Away the Stone Mumford and Sons: Roll Away your Stone Bonus: L suggested “Father in a Bottle” by Annie Humphrey. L says “Her song describes the sadness and loss from the perspective of a daughter of an alcoholic father in a very simple yet reflective way.”      

Do you feel emotionally safe? Do you close out intimacy because it threatens you? Let's talk about emotional safety. Thought questions for this discussion include these: What is emotional safety? What is emotional security? How do they relate to each other and how are they different? How are emotional safety and security threatened? What happens to us internally when we feel under threat? Is emotional abuse less “real” than physical abuse? How can Al-Anon help us recover and regain our feelings of emotional safety and security? What tools help? Which steps? How do we provide a safe environment for healing in our meetings? In face-to-face interactions with a sponsor or program friend? Resources that we used in this episode include: * Emotional Safety: How it Works or Doesn't (Psychology Today) * Emotional Safety: What Does It Really Mean? (Psychology Today) * Keeping a Relationship Emotionally Safe (SSA Magazine) * Tips for Enhancing Emotional Safety (National Center for Domestic Violence, Trauma & Mental Health tipsheet) * Emotional Safety: What it is and Why it's Important (family-marriage-counseling.com) * Rebuilding Emotional Safety In Your Damaged Relationship (CompulsionSolutions.com) Our topic for next week is one of the gifts of Al-Anon: “We will discover that we are both worthy of love and loving. We will love others without losing ourselves, and will learn to accept love in return.” Do you feel worthy of love? Can you love without losing yourself? How has this changed in recovery? Please call us at 734-707-8795 or email feedback@therecoveryshow.com with your questions or experience, strength and hope. Or just leave a comment right here. Music from the show Grimes: Oblivion Mandisa: Overcomer Christina Aguilera: The Voice Within

Do you love an alcoholic? Has that love brought you fear, anger, shame, and joy? 3 Al-Anon speakers from a session at the 2015 AA International Convention share their experience, strength, and hope. A listener emailed with a question about emotional abuse and emotional safety. Have you felt emotionally unsafe? Have you dismissed those feelings because you were physically safe? How has recovery helped you move forward and become emotionally secure? Please call us at 734-707-8795 or email feedback@therecoveryshow.com with your questions or experience, strength and hope. Or just leave a comment right here. The meditation Let God was enjoyed by another listener. Music from the show Lori McKenna: Drinking Problem Concrete Blonde: Joey Nathaniel Rateliff and the Night Sweats: S.O.B.    

Have you found yourself trying to do it all? Did you take care of your loved one’s problems? Do you try to force things to work out your way? Have you ever felt totally unappreciated?  The 4 M's are Managing, Manipulation, Mothering, and Martyrdom. Spencer had a very full weekend, so please enjoy this “best of” episode. Join Erika and Spencer as we talk about our experience with the “4 M's” and how the program has helped us to rely less on these crutches. * How do/did I try to manipulate others? * “Setting up” a situation * passive/agressive behavior * How do/did I try to manage and control my live and the lives of those around me? * How have I taken on responsibilities that were not mine? * Have I ever been called a control freak? * How do/did I mother others by “cleaning up” their problems, by doing things for them, etc? * How have I played the martyr. What did I hope to gain? * What tools does Alanon give us? * Inventory – recognizing my behaviors. * Loving detachment * Self care Please call us at 734-707-8795 or email feedback@therecoveryshow.com with your questions or experience, strength and hope. Or just leave a comment right here. Music from the show Pink Floyd – Mother   Taylor Swift – Picture to Burn   Depeche Mode – Martyr  

Do you have joy in your life? Do you feel fulfilled? Are you finding these gifts in recovery? Or are you still waiting for them to come? In this first episode in a series, we explore a “Gift of Al-Anon“. We will become mature, responsible individuals with a great capacity for joy, fulfillment, and wonder. Though we may never be perfect, continued spiritual progress will reveal to us our enormous potential. Spencer and Brooke explore how this gift is appearing in their lives, guided by these questions. If you had read or heard this statement when you had just arrived in Al-Anon, what would you have thought of it? would you have made sense of it at all? would you have believed it could be true for you? Did parts of that statement seem true already? Which parts and why? As you have traveled your recovery path, how has your understanding of this statement changed? Are there parts you thought were true that you came to see were not true? Did parts of it start to make sense? Did you find a deeper understanding of parts of it? Did you see that this was true of others in the program, and come to want it for yourself? How do you see this gift coming true in your life today? What progress do you still look forward to? What would you say to a newcomer who can’t believe this could ever come true in their own life? Upcoming topics include recovery in divorce. Please call us at 734-707-8795 or email feedback@therecoveryshow.com with your questions or experience, strength and hope. Or just leave a comment right here. Music from the show Joseph suggested “The Weight” by The Band as a song that feels good. Susan said “it reminds me of my recovered self” when she recommended “Inner Ninja” by Classified. About “Lost in my Mind” by The Head and the Heart, Kathleen wrote I love this song for its tone of compassion for overthinking and obsessive thinking. It was a theme song in the movie Silver Lining Playbook and I just heard it performed by staff and some patients at a charity event at the mental health facility, Skyland Trail in Atlanta, GA. Very powerful moment for me as an Alanon and mom of a daughter with bipolar disorder.