90 Seconds on The Verge

Never take your eye off the card. I want you to keep looking right here! Whether I do this — whether I do that — I want you to keep your attention focused, right here. Don't let me distract you, and don't be fooled by my associate to the right. I'm going to play this straight with you, you're going to see the card you've selected, right here, you're going to see it jump from one hand to the other, all within the blink of an eye. Are you ready? Shall we do this? One... two... three... Go.

Sword. Spear. Hammer. Mallet. Comically-sized wrench. Broadsword. Long bow. Crossbow. Quiver. Water pistol. Whip. Katana. Dagger. Hilts and scabbards. Shovel. Active lightsaber. Staff. Shield. Nunchuks.

Steve Urkel in Full House and Step by Step. Michelle Tanner in Hangin' with Mr. Cooper. Cosmo Kramer in Mad About You. Norm Peterson and Cliff Clavin in Wings. Chandler Bing in Caroline in the City. The Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles in Power Rangers in Space. Start Trek in Star Trek.

Outstanding Shortest Form Daily News Program (Between 80 and 110 Seconds Except On YouTube Where It Is Between 81 and 111 Seconds) That Focuses on Art, Culture, Science, and Technology and Exists At Least Primarily on The Internet: no nominations

"Because it's the inexplicable animal-weather hybrid that New York City deserves, but not the one it needs right now. So we'll attack it with chainsaws. Because it can take it. Because it's not our hero. It's a loud, vicious force of destruction, a bizarro phenomenon. A shark knight... tornado. Two. The sequel."

Penitence? He could only provide so much. A follow, a retweet, a hashtag or two... but absolution would have to be something less digital. Something more corporeal. He did suggest Instagram, though.

In the ocean depths, the ancient creature stirred. Born not of this world, but another, distant land — an ashen hellscape of fiery retribution. It waited for eons in the cold pressure, adjusting to its new environment and gathering strength. Knowing that one day the call would sound for it to reveal itself to humanity. And it would heed that call.

"It's tough being a spy. You can't trust anybody, your friends double-cross you. Your boss is always saying you're too old to do this, or that." He sighed. "And everybody thinks they know what your favorite drink is."

Pressure mounted. Sweat beaded on his brow. He knew he had to make a decision, one that could impact not just himself but the future of those around him. His entire life; lessons learned since childhood, moral codes laid out in texts as old as humankind... it all led up to this. This one single, solitary decision that could change his fate forever. He took the last sugar packet.

"Well that's odd." "What?" "That. The shimmering blue doorway in the middle of the office." "Oh, you mean the time portal. Don't worry. That's here every Tuesday."

Take away the celebration, the gusto, the congratulatory back-slaps and and the fat cats with the expensive cigars, and you're left with just one thing. That unrelenting, never-ending desire that is only sated by two words: it's showtime.

Everything had suddenly gone quiet. He cocked his head, listening. No music from upstairs. No fireworks or shouting from the lake outside. The cabin was just... still. "Hello?" He stood up. "Okay you guys, come on," he said to the empty room. "I know what you're doing. This is the scene where the guy who's gone up to the cabin with his four friends suddenly realizes that the horrible creature has taken them all, right? And then like six seconds later it throws open the front door and comes after him. C'mon... try to be a little more creative, would ya?" The Horrible Creature opened the front door. "You don't have to be so harsh. I'm doing the best I can."

The atmospheric deflector was struggling. Rattling hard, real gonzo. Everybody knew that coming in for a landing on Trodinia-12 was no picnic, but this was ridiculous. "You might want to buckle up," I called back to the passengers. "This is gonna get real."

I couldn't believe it. After all the confusion, the deception... could this nasty turnabout be true? Was this the person that had been testing us all along? "I... I don't understand." The killer snorted. "Of couse not. Of course you don't 'understand.' You don't have the capacity. Do you know how simple it was to concoct this scenario? Oh, it should have been much harder. Much harder, indeed. But for you lot..." The killer trailed off, then smiled. "For you lot it took all of 90 seconds to seal your fate."

Having dinner with a stranger is awkward enough. Try doing it with three murdered partygoers in the drawing room. I studied the guest at the other end of the table. He wasn't big on eye contact. Still... there was something familiar about him. I just couldn't place it. At least the soup was good.