Stay Happily Married

Is your marriage strong enough to endure the challenges of autism? Living with a family member on the autism spectrum can make communication difficult. Whether it’s your spouse, your child or yourself, trying to break through the communication barrier to have a fulfilling relationship can be so taxing that it takes away from other family relationships. In many cases, families’ lives begin to revolve around the needs of just one person – and then, everyone suffers. Adults begin to feel isolated from one another because they’re suffering from guilt, stress and grief. When the special needs family member is a spouse, feelings of isolation can become even more extreme – and can even lead to divorce in some cases. How do you move past these challenges to lead a happy, fulfilling life? Is it possible to salvage a relationship that’s been eroded by years of difficult struggles? Abbe Colodny is an outpatient therapist with Therapeutic Partners in Raleigh, NC. Abbe received her Master’s in mental health counseling and has extensive experience in diagnosing and working with those with autism and other developmental delays. Abbe has used her specific training and experience to work with individuals, couples and families struggling with autism. To find out more about Abbe Colodny and her practice, Therapeutic Partners, you can visit their website or call 919-233-7360 for an appointment.

Is there any truth behind the most popular and cliché marriage myths? When engagement news is broken to friends and family, advice from these sudden love experts comes flooding in. It’s as if we’re back in school and everyone wants us to learn from their past experiences. Old adages come out of the woodworks to warn us of the possible dangers that are doomed to occur down the road. How can we determine true from false? What research is out there to disprove or enforce these marriage myths? Our guest today breaks down five of the most popular marriage myths and informs listeners of the “new rules” to go by when dealing with their problems. Dr. Kristin Wynns is a child and adolescent psychologist who owns an adolescent specialty private practice in Cary, NC called Wynns Family Psychology. Dr. Wynns and her staff provide therapy and testing services for children, teens, and parents. Dr. Wynns is also the founder of a parenting website called NoWimpyParenting.com with services available to help parents struggling with behavior and discipline problems at home. Dr. Wynns keeps her skills in marriage psychology tuned at home with her husband of 13 years. To find out more about Dr. Kristen Wynns and her practice, Wynns Family Psychology, you can visit their website or call 919-467-7777 for an appointment.

Is it possible for a woman’s “feminine wiles” to conquer a battle of the sexes? Relationships today are far different than they were a hundred, 50 and even 20 years ago. Our society has evolved so much in the past several decades that traditional gender roles – those that had been assumed since the dawn of time – have been all but discarded. With new roles for both men and women, new challenges keep cropping up. We all know there are big biological and emotional differences between the sexes, which can cause relationship problems on their own – but what about the battle of the sexes? We hear about the battle of the sexes in the workplace, but we don’t really consider whether it overflows into personal lives. Does it have an impact on the ways men and women interact with each other, their relationship choices and ultimately, our society? Who better to answer those questions than Kongit Farrell, a strategic life and relationship coach. She worked at Pacific Clinics for four years as a mental health therapist for clients with severe and persistent mental illness. Kongit is the author of She’s Worth the Chase: 10 Qualities Gamma Males Adore in the Women they Pursue and Marry and currently devotes her time to building her practice in Los Angeles. To find out more about Kongit Farrell and her practice, iEvolve Transformational Services, you can visit their website or call 1-800-967-9416 for an appointment.

Did you grow up dreaming of the day that your life would turn into an episode of The Brady Bunch? Probably not. Blended families – those with children from previous relationships – are becoming the norm. That means more and more people are facing the challenges of being a step parent every day, and many of them are completely unprepared. Many people are now entering into a marriage scenario where one or both partners have children from a previous relationship. Drawn in by love, these new step parents are not considering how becoming a step parent will affect them emotionally, financially or psychologically. On top of that, unrealistic expectations about step parenting often leave people disappointed, worried and in constant turmoil – The Brady Bunch is hardly a realistic portrayal of a blended family, especially if you try to apply it to today’s busy households and lifestyles. Dr. Ka Rae’ Carey is a licensed professional counselor who specializes in helping individuals, couples and families adjust to changes in the family unit – especially in step parent/stepchild situations. Dr. Carey uses both her extensive education and her personal experience as a stepmother of two to help others deal with the drama, trauma and chaos of stepfamily life. To find out more about Dr. Ka Rae’ Carey and her Cary, NC based practice, Strong Stepfamilies, you can visit their website at  or call (919) 454-7857 for an appointment. Click here for your free download of Dr. Carey's 70 Terrific Tried-and-True Tips for New Stepparents.

Would your relationship be more successful if it were treated like a business? Mixing business with pleasure. Some live by this motto, others try everything they can to avoid it. It’s difficult to maintain or even improve your marriage with a spouse that is constantly “on the clock”. What if you could take the working lessons that you’ve learned in the business world and use it to improve your marriage? Sounds too good to be true, right? Wrong! Both business and marriage are something that require a lot of time, effort and attention to maintain. It can be hard to find a balance in life when there doesn’t seem to be enough time in the day. Learn how to transform your business finesse into techniques that can improve your marriage. Of course, the only reliable source for such a topic would have to be a business savvy individual who understands the inner workings of the human mind. Who better than Rob Danzman? Rob Danzman is the Founder and Clinical Director of Fonthill Counseling in Chapel Hill, NC where he specializes cognitive behavior therapy, family crisis management and marriage and family therapy. To find out more about Rob Danzman and his practice, Fonthill Counseling, you can visit their website or call 919-351-5838 for an appointment.  

Is your love life an erotic novel or abusive nightmare? The 50 Shades of Grey trilogy has steadily remained at the top of the New York Times bestseller list for several months. The risqué nature of the book that once started out as Twilight fan-fiction is catching the attention of men and women across the globe. Aptly nicknamed “Mommy Porn”, the over the top erotic and abusive nature of the trilogy evokes visions of a modern version of The Story of O. Questions about the nature of the intense relationship between the two main characters and the book’s strong appeal to women are being discussed widely. In marriage, how do you determine whether the dynamic between you and your spouse is healthy or abusive when behaviors encourage dominant and submissive relationships? Colette Segalla is a doctoral candidate in clinical psychology from Pacifica Graduate Institute. Colette is a psychotherapist with Lepage Associates in Durham, NC where she works with individuals and couples on issues ranging from anxiety and depression to problems in sexual intimacy. She enjoys working with couples to improve communication, connection, and emotional and physical intimacy. To find out more about Colette Segalla and her practice, Lepage Associates in Durham, NC, you can visit them online or call 919-572-0000 for an appointment.

Who could have imagined that it would be possible to improve your marriage just by watching television? One of the greatest American pastimes for individuals, couples, and families continues to be checking out what is on television. We love TV! Whether you’re trying to relax or looking for information on a topic, there is always a show for you. What about a show for marriage? The pre-scripted sitcom shows of the last fifty years have proven to be a very useful tool in teaching the world what marriage is really about. Does your marriage have what it takes to stand up against famous sitcom sweeties like Mike and Carol Brady from the The Brady Bunch? "There are actually a lot of great nuggets of wisdom that we can learn from analyzing some of the relationship on TV. You can tell yourself that you're doing something productive after all when you're sitting there watching your favorite TV shows," says Dr. Wynns. Dr. Kristin Wynns is a child and adolescent psychologist who owns an adolescent specialty private practice in Cary, NC called Wynns Family Psychology. Dr. Wynns and her staff provide therapy and testing services for children, teens, and parents. Dr. Wynns is also the founder of a parenting website called NoWimpyParenting.com with services available to help parents struggling with behavior and discipline problems at home. Dr. Wynns keeps her skills in marriage psychology tuned at home with her husband of 13 years. To find out more about Dr. Kristen Wynns and Wynns Family Psychology, you can visit them online or call  919-467-7777 for an appointment.

Do you and your partner have different financial goals for the future? Marriage means the joining of two households, two lifestyles and two bank accounts. So what happens when a shopaholic and a penny pincher get married? It’s a financial catastrophe! All couples, be it newlyweds or marathon marriages, have arguments over finances. The key to making sure your marriage survive rests in the details of how you handle the financial fist fights, and whether or not you can turn these squabbles into something more productive for the future. How can a couple begin to plan for their financial future together when they can’t stop arguing over this months credit card statement? Who better to give us insight into making marriage and finances work than someone who deals with divorcing couples. Philip Rusnack is a Registered Investment Advisor and Certified Divorce Financial Analyst. Philip started Divorce Settlement Solutions after three decades as a financial planner and now practices in Chapel Hill, NC. Philip sees a real need for couples to have a sound financial picture of their lives before it creates trouble in their marriage. To find out more about Philip Rusnack and his financial services, you can call 919-533-6254.  

Beat ADHD and discover how to direct their attention back to the relationship. Is it possible for a couple to come back from the edge? The truth is that ADHD is a condition that does not discriminate based on age, the effects of ADHD are just as likely to manifest in adults. However, many adults are not even aware that their behavior could be linked to a medical diagnosis. In the final episode of this special, we’ll uncover how an undiagnosed and untreated case of ADHD can eat away and destroy a marriage, as well as what methods are out there to save your marriage from this little acknowledged condition. Dr. Susan Orenstein received her Ph.D. in Counseling Psychology from Temple University. She is a licensed psychologist and Director of the group private practice, Orenstein Solutions, in Cary, NC. Susan specializes in adult relationship issues and has worked extensively in treating couples in situations where ADD and ADHD effect one partner. Susan has been happily married for 23 years and her husband and she co-facilitate the PAIRS couples workshop, where they continue to refresh their own communication skills in front of workshop participants. To find out more about Susan Orenstein and her practice, Orenstein Solutions, you can call 919-428-2766 for an appointment. Be sure to listen to Part 1 of this special, Does My Partner Have ADHD?  

Is your marriage built on an unhealthy foundation of substance abuse and false feelings? Maybe you met your partner at a bar. Things went well, the alcohol helped to take off the nervous edge and before you knew it you were both head over heels in love. Throughout dating and even into marriage substances were always around to take off the edge and increase your confidence. It wasn’t long before the euphoric feelings of the substance were so closely mixed with your feeling towards your spouse that it was nearly impossible to separate the two. "If you think about the social gatherings of our society most of them have some sort of drinking component to them. Dancing, going to dinner, bowling or going to a baseball game or sporting event...even movie theaters are selling micro brews...it seems like everything you do has a drinking component to it," says Dr. Metz. What does this say about the strength and resiliency of these marriages? Is it possible to take the substances away and have the relationship survive? Diving head first into this controversial topic is Dr. Kevin Metz. Dr. Metz earned his Doctorate in Clinical Psychology from California School of Professional Psychology and his undergraduate degree is from UNC Chapel Hill. Dr. Metz  is in private practice, working with Lepage Associates in Durham, NC. To find out more about Dr. Kevin Metz and Lepage Associates, you can visit them online or call 919.572.0000 for an appointment.

Can your marriage benefit from the scandalous downfalls of politicians? The media is overwhelmed with stories of celebrity divorces and politicians in the middle of shocking affairs. Unknowingly, these public figures are conveying a messages to the masses...give in to temptation. When news breaks of a politician having a secretive and scandalous affair, we’re shocked. Shortly after these news leaks, we see a devoted first spouse standing by their partner declaring the strength of their marriage. What message is this sending to the public? That it’s okay to cheat because your loyal spouse isn’t going to leave? Wrong! Real life doesn’t conform to the “Lewinsky” rules of the political sphere. Dr. Don Azevedo tells listeners what they can learn from the unseemly politicians and how to resist temptation from outside of the marriage. Dr. Don Azevedo left graduate school with a strong desire to strengthen marriages and families. He received his doctorate in Clinical Psychology from the University of Tennessee. Don’s work has taken him to a variety of locations from war zones in Desert Storm, corporate settings, hospitals and finally private practice. Don is the Director of 3-C Family Services in Cary, NC where he provides help to individuals, couples and families. To find out more about Dr. Don Azevedo and 3-C Family Services, you can visit them online or call 919-677-0101 for an appointment.

How far will you go to please your partner? No one likes peering into a schoolyard and seeing a bully. Bullies are mean and manipulative, but they exist. What many people don’t know is the secret ingredient that gives bullies power. It’s submission. It’s very hard to have someone push you around if that is something that you are unwilling accept. It's time to be heard and start speaking up for what you want. Many marriages are filled with “people pleasers”. These are the people that will do anything for their spouse, should they ask. Whether it be picking up milk on the way home or climbing Mount Everest. While many people don’t like bullies, people pleasers are the ones who break up marriages. Is your eagerness to please splitting your marriage apart? Dr. Julia Messer is a former high school English teacher turned Psychologist. Attending West Virginia University she received her Master’s and Doctorate in Clinical Psychology. Julia is one of those people that has really seen and done it all. Since graduating Julia has worked as a psychology teacher at UNC Chapel Hill, in a psychiatric hospital, within the criminal court system, and even in a forensic setting. Dr. Messer currently practices at Orenstein Solutions in Cary, NC, specializing in areas of anger management, substance abuse, depression and anxiety. To find out more about Dr. Julia Messer and Orenstein Solutions visit them online or call 919-428-2766 for an appointment.

If your partner left you tomorrow, could you survive the betrayal? When we were in school we had teachers who sat us down every day, year after year, and passed along piece after piece of information for us to retain and use as functioning adults. Well, that was then and this is now. Who is there to teach us the life lessons we need as adults? Who is there to be our teacher when it feels like our entire world is crashing down around us? Some form of intimate betrayal is a common fear among couples. From those who cause the pain to those on the receiving end, couples are unsure of how to battle the betrayal and come out on top.  Kathy Cato is educated in Marriage and Family Counseling and has a private practice, TriVista Counseling, in Raleigh, NC. Kathy is trained in the Imago and Gottman methods of couples counseling and is founder of the Holding Hands Program, a counselor-hosted meeting series that works to resolve problems and strengthen relationships through open communication and integrates individualized online assessments of each couple. Kathy has helped hundreds of couples work through betrayal in their marriages. In this episode, Kathy will share her ideas about betrayal and whether it can be overcome. To find out more about Kathy Cato, visit TriVista Counseling online or call 919-710-7145 for an appointment.

Lack of attention does not have to mean lack of a relationship. Is an undiagnosed case of ADHD to blame for your spouse's lack of attention to your relationship? The acronym ADHD summons several images to mind. We’re more likely to think of overactive children unable to concentrate in school, not our full-grown, adult partner. The truth is that ADHD is a condition that does not discriminate based on age, the effects of ADHD are just as likely to manifest in adults. However, many adults are not even aware that their behavior could be linked to a medical diagnosis. Have you ever felt like a parent to your spouse, always micromanaging and making sure they do what they promised. It is possible that your spouse has ADHD. Perhaps, on the flip side, you feel as though your partner is always nagging you and constantly repeating themselves. It is possible that you have an undiagnosed case of ADHD. In this two-part series of Stay Happily Married, we’ll uncover how to spot the signs of ADHD in your spouse, as well as how an undiagnosed and untreated case of ADHD can eat away and destroy a marriage. Dr. Susan Orenstein received her Ph.D. in Counseling Psychology from Temple University. She is a licensed psychologist and Director of the group private practice, Orenstein Solutions, in Cary, NC. Susan specializes in adult relationship issues and has worked extensively in treating couples in situations where ADD and ADHD effect one partner. Susan has been happily married for 23 years and her husband and she co-facilitate the PAIRS couples workshop, where they continue to refresh their own communication skills in front of workshop participants. To find out more about Susan Orenstein and her practice, Orenstein Solutions, you can call 919-428-2766 for an appointment. Click here to listen to part 2 of this special.

Does your marriage have what it takes to unplug from the technology of the modern world? Has technology killed your marriage? Modern technology can do almost anything, from translating a foreign language to shooting angry birds at random objects. No one could have ever suspected that something that is helpful with so many things could be at the root of all their marital problems. Today’s overabundance of technology can take away a couple’s time with one another and replace it with hours in front of the computer. We have iPhone's in the elevator, kindle's on the couch, and laptops in the bed. Is your marriage strong enough to withstand the attacks from technology? Jill Eilenberger joins us this week to advise us on the importance of unplugging our marriage. Jill Eilenberger has a Master’s degree in Clinical Social Work from UNC and has been working as a psychotherapist for 25 years. Jill is a licensed Clinical Social worker, Marital and Family Therapist and Imago Relationship Therapist. Jill is a former President of the Charlotte Chapter of American Association of Marital and Family Therapists and has been listed in the “Who’s Who of American Women”. Jill now runs her own private practice out of Charlotte, NC. To find out more about Jill Eilenberger you can visit their website or call 704-591-0648 for an appointment.