Stay Happily Married

Are you and your partner on the same team when it comes to parenting? When two people get married, there are natural stressors that become apparent. When a child enters the picture, and there's now parenting involved, certain marriage stressors are intensified. Let's face it-- there's no manual for parenting. And while raising happy, healthy and confident children is the ultimate goal, there's a lot of pressure that comes with it. If a couple is frequently arguing about how to parent, much stress is added to the family unit and everyone ends up being miserable. If there's constant bickering back and forth about logistics, there's no room to create an atmosphere of warmth and support. Instead, there becomes an antagonistic way of interacting that puts everyone in the family on edge. Today's guest is Dr. Gabrielle Johr, a licensed clinical psychologist with Orenstein Solutions. Gabriella says the key to good parenting is team parenting, which means unfailingly supporting one another and bringing out the best in each other. And once the team mentality has been established, both parents become a model for cooperation and parenting becomes a little easier. To find out more about Gabriella and her practice, visit their website or call (919) 428-2766 to schedule an appointment.

In a marriage, what are the building blocks of trust? According to the dictionary, trust is defined as "the assured reliance in the character, ability, strength, or truth of someone or something." Having it is a critical factor and also the main foundation for any relationship, whether it's a friendship, a parent-child relationship, or a marriage. Once trust is broken and an individual no longer feels that he or she can rely on their partner, the bond of faith can be very challenging to repair and rebuild. Within a relationship, trust issues can stem from a multitude of problems--anything from emotional or physical affairs and hidden addictions to secrecy and lying. However, more subtle behaviors from spouses like constantly being late, being unreliable, or being insensitive can also shake the foundations of trust and honesty. Today's guest, Dr. Sara Salter of Wynns Family Psychology in Cary, NC, says the way to build strong, lasting trust within your marriage is to focus on certain specific factors including communication, openness and empathy. In addition to those, Sara has other important pointers and tips on how to build and maintain an unbreakable level of trust within your marriage. To find out more about Sara and her practice, visit their website or call (919) 467-7777 to schedule an appointment.

Does physical fitness really play a part in maintaining a healthy and happy marriage? These days, people's lives are increasingly busy. Most waking moments are spent working full-time jobs, keeping up with household chores, and taking care of pesky responsibilities. At the end of the day, many couples feel too tired to do anything other than eat dinner, maybe watch some television, and go to bed. The problem, however, is that this leaves little time to care for and nurture the relationship which leads to a lack of communication, decreased sexual intimacy, and an overall lack of enjoyment in the marriage. The good news is that there are ways to change the course of the marriage and improve it overall. And one of these ways is for couples to engage in outdoor or physical fitness activities with each other. With the spring season, in all its beautiful glory on the way, there is a plethora of fun activities and events that can be utilized. What better way to feel good than to soak up some sunshine? Today's guest is Colette Segalla, a psychologist with Lepage Associates who has worked with diverse populations of couples, families, and individuals. She says that better physical fitness can bring increased vitality to the relationship and improve both mental and sexual health. To find out more about Colette and her practice, visit their website or call (919) 572-0000 to schedule an appointment.

Is there a way to gain respect from your stepchildren without turning into an evil stepmonster? We've all heard the famous stepmonster horror stories... like that of the workings of Lady Tremaine, Cinderella's wicked stepmother. And they don't turn out well... for the stepmoms, that is. Luckily it doesn't have to be that way in real life. You, in fact, can have wonderful relationships with your stepchildren without overstepping your boundaries but while also maintaining a level of respect and admiration. In many situations, couples that are married for the second (or even third) time find themselves bringing children into the mix and wondering how to raise and guide the children when there's more than two parents involved. Oftentimes there are many unrealistic expectations placed on stepfamilies that can lead to a chaotic family life and destruction of the relationship between husband and wife. Today's guest is Claudette Chenevert, author of "Words of Hope, Inspiration and Wisdom for Stepmoms," and "31 Days to Better Communication for Stepfamilies." Also known as the Stepmom Coach, Claudette is a Master Certified Stepfamily Foundation Coach helping families and stepmoms gain a better understanding of how to manage stepfamily life. To find out more about Claudette and her work as the Stepmom Coach, visit her website or call (703) 915-2470 for one-on-one coaching.

Is there a right way and a wrong way to argue? The answer is yes. And the secret's out. There is a right way and a wrong way to argue. Oftentimes when couples fight, it becomes husband versus wife, him against her. The issue with that, however, is that the entire sense of the "team" attitude within the couple gets lost in the mess. With a relationship it's not about not getting angry or not disagreeing because that's unrealistic. The true key is staying emotionally connected to someone you view as a teammate in a generally positive way. According to relationship expert John Gottman, there are two types of problems within relationships: resolvable and perpetual; and two out of three problems are perpetual. Luckily, there are conflict resolution skills for each kind of problem that couples can learn and use to ultimately strengthen their marriages. Today's guest is Erica Blystone, a licensed clinical social worker with Lepage Associates. After more than 10 years of clinical work with adults, couples, children and families, Erica has seen her fair share of conflict within relationships, and she says there is a way to manage it effectively. To find out more about Erica and her practice, visit their website or call (919) 572-0000 to schedule an appointment.

Are you and your partner thinking outside the box when it comes to your relationship? Say you've been married for 20 years... Or maybe even just two years... Is the relationship still fun and fresh? Are you and your partner getting the most out of your marriage? Sometimes couples that have been together for many years begin to feel a sense of staleness in their relationship. Maybe they have ongoing conflict and difficulty resolving it, or maybe they simply feel like they've lost the passion and excitement they once had. When this happens to a couple, whether they've been together for 20 years or two years, the partners begin to grow apart and disconnect from each other. And to fix the ongoing problem, many couples end up forcing a solution by pushing harder and ultimately doing the same thing over and over again. Interestingly, the solution to all this is far more attainable than most people think. Today's guest is Dr. Susan Orenstein, the Director of Orenstein Solutions in Cary, NC. Susan says couples can reignite their passion and start having fun again simply by thinking outside the box. By doing even just one thing differently. And if you're thinking you can't do it-- think again. Susan is here to share some of her creative and inspiring ideas for how couples can improve and strengthen their marriages. To find out more about Susan and her practice, you can visit their website or call (919) 428-2766 to schedule an appointment.

We had our wedding, we had our honeymoon... Now what? Think about your wedding day. Whether you've had it, or it hasn't happened yet... Oftentimes, and especially in a society like ours, there's a lot of pressure to make the wedding day perfect. To make sure everything is in order, to make sure the dresses are ready and the suits are pressed, to make sure the flowers will be beautiful and that all the guests will leave thinking, "hey, that was a really good time!" But what about after the wedding? What happens when the guests have gone home, the party's over and it's just you and your new partner left with each other? Unfortunately, too many people spend a lot of time preparing for the wedding and not a whole lot of time thinking about what comes after- like how to actually make the marriage work successfully on a daily basis. Today our guest is Kelly Saylor, a licensed professional counselor associate and marriage and family counselor associate with Healing Solutions Counseling Center in Charlotte, NC. According to Kelly, one of the most important things a married couple can do to help their relationship grow is to nurture the basic friendship they have with each other and the admiration they have for each other. To find out more about Kelly and her practice, visit their website or call (704) 944-5530 t0 schedule an appointment. If you and your partner are considering premarital or marital counseling, be sure to check out Healing Solutions' programs here.

Are your sleeping habits affecting your marriage? We all know sleep is important for our health. But how many of us really take into consideration the effects that a lack of sleep can have on not only our physical health, but our mental and emotional health as well? The sleeping habits that we enlist (or don't enlist) can actually have an affect on nearly every aspect of our lives, including relationships and marriage. For couples dealing with sleepless nights, or nights consisting of less-than-sound sleep, life and managing a marriage can be a little more difficult. What many people don’t consider is that there are many different types of sleep disorders that can ultimately effect your well being and the well being of your spouse. Today we’re talking with Brent Brandow, Director of Operations for the Parkway SleepHealth Center in Cary, NC. According to him, sleep—or a lack thereof—has more of an impact on our daily lives and relationships than people might think. With a little diligence though, every problem can be fixed. The Parkway SleepHealth Center is a comprehensive sleep health center that provides sleep physician consultations, diagnostic testing and treatment services for more than 80 sleep disorders, including sleep apnea, narcolepsy, and insomnia. To find out more about the Parkway SleepHealth Center, visit their website or call (919) 462-8081 to schedule an appointment.

Can you and your partner communicate without saying a word? For couples dealing with relationship problems, in many ways, actions speak louder than words. Partners often want more attention and affection from each other, and a lack of such can make them feel misunderstood or neglected. Many couples will argue about the little things because they don't know how to communicate the deeper issues. Oftentimes, relationship partners don't realize that there can be a sacred level of communication between them that comes without saying a word. When it comes to the verbal side of things, some couples get caught up on what they intended to say and the words they used, rather than understanding the impact of their non-verbal cues, like body language and tone of voice, and their actions. Sometimes frustration finds a way to creep into these situations, and especially when couples feel that they've said everything they can to make a point. Today's guest, Dr. Susan Orenstein, says there is a way to quell the anger and frustration that builds up. As a licensed psychologist and the director of Orenstein Solutions in Cary, NC, Susan sees a wide variety of these communication problems and strives to help couples improve their relationship without saying a word. To find out more about Susan and her practice, you can visit their website or call (919) 428-2766 to schedule an appointment.

How much time do you dedicate to your marriage? Are you taking good care of it? With busy schedules and work and family responsibilities, it becomes common for couples to focus their time on things other than the marriage. Many different factors will often effect how we end up prioritizing our time, and it's easy for a once-stable relationship to experience rockiness when it gets put on the back burner. People are surprised when their marriages collapse and die from starvation, but what they don't consider is the fact that starving a marriage takes a long time-- it does not happen overnight. Though it seems like a no-brainer, it's easy to make excuses for why there just isn't enough time to feed the marriage on a regular basis. Today's guest is Dr. Don Azevedo, a clinical psychologist with 3-C Family Services in Cary, NC. After helping couples and families for years, Don has seen it all-- including too many marriages being starved. He's here to discuss the importance of feeding and taking care of your marriage on a daily basis, as well as developing relationship growth goals that can take your marriage to a whole new level. To find out more about Don and his practice, you can visit their website or call (919) 677-0101 to schedule an appointment.

If you had all the necessary tools to improve your relationship, would you use them? Imagine you were asked to fix a leaky shower. Now, maybe you have all the proper tools and equipment but how could you possibly use them successfully if you don't have the knowledge or the skills to actually do so? What you might not realize is that you do, in fact, possess the necessary tools to improve your relationship but you just need to hone the skills required. One of the biggest relationship blunders many couples encounter is the inability to communicate effectively with each other. When communication and interaction become issues within a relationship, most of the time, the partners have a hard time expressing their individual needs clearly to the other. And when negative communication interactions and patterns develop over time, couples may begin to feel a sense of hopelessness or loss. While it might seem a little challenging at times, there are skills you can develop and work on to improve your relationship. Today's guest is licensed professional counselor Dr. KaRae Carey from Cary, NC. She helps couples and families gain an understanding of the importance of communication while providing tips and tools to begin improvement. According to KaRae, with 5 simple skills, your relationship can also improve and start to thrive. To find out more about KaRae and her practice, visit her website or call (919) 454-7857 to schedule an appointment.

Trying to avoid the same old Valentine's Day of flowers, cards, and chocolate? Look no further! Here we'll share some fun and unique ideas. As Valentine's Day rolls around, many people begin to feel pressure to make the day special for their significant other. With life being so busy, however, a lot of couples end up defaulting to something nice, yes, but predictable- a nice romantic card, dinner out, maybe some flowers and of course, chocolate. And while a night out like that is perfectly acceptable, it tends to be a bit been there, done that. The news is you can have a really fun and fulfilling Valentine's Day that is unique and fresh without breaking the bank or going crazy trying to plan something. If you're feeling frustrated or anxious about creating the perfect Valentine's Day, take some time to join us today and check out some of our great ideas for your date night. Dr. Tina Lepage from Lepage Associates is our guest, and she's sharing some new, exciting ideas for making the day enjoyable and stress-free. Local Events: February 14, 4-8pm - Capital Area Transit invites you to join the "Love Bus" event to celebrate the R-Line's 2nd anniversary. Take your date around downtown on the R-Line to receive free gifts like candy and flowers and coupons to local restaurants. Riders will also enjoy the tunes of local singing groups serenading them along the way. All attendees will be entered to win gift cards from local businesses that will be raffled off throughout the night. February 11, 12, 13&14 - The Varsity Theatre will again be hosting a special showing of 'Gone with the Wind." Tickets- $20 February 2-20 - The 11th annual NC Comedy Arts Festival January 29- March 6 - PlayMakers brings Tony Kushner's 'Angels in America,' a two-part performance February 12, 18&19 (8pm) and February 13&20 (4pm) - Cary Players presents 'Love Bits & Bites: The Sixth Sense.' Bring your sweetheart or best friend to the Page-Walker Arts & History Center in Cary, NC for a hefty serving of entertainment and sweet treats at intermission. Tickets- $17 To find out more about Tina and her practice, Lepage Associates, visit their website or call (919) 572-0000 to make an appointment.            

Do you have what it takes to create and maintain a passionate relationship? In the midst of keeping up with the demands of modern life like paying bills, maintaining a household and career and raising a family, it's easy for a couple to let go and lose sight of their once intense and deeply satisfying connection. When that goes on for too long though, it becomes harder for the couple to stay in it for the long haul. And when the spark goes out, which it is bound to do at some point, many couples settle into a functioning relationship instead of working to create and maintain a passionate relationship. In the beginning, couples make long-term commitments to each other in hopes of experiencing deeper levels of connection and passionate engagement. What they often forget, and sometimes ignore, however, is the importance of nurturing the relationship and keeping the passion alive on a daily basis and for the remainder of their lives. Today our guest is Dr. David Aspenson, a licensed psychologist who practices in Chapel Hill, NC. David is a big believer in creating and maintaining an enduring passionate relationship, and he's here to discuss some of the challenges that are associated with preserving the passion. While it seems like a no-brainer, David says it certainly is not for the faint of heart because it takes much effort. Sound intimidating? Worry not. It is, in fact, possible for all of us. To find out more about David and his practice, visit his website or call (919) 402-9212 to schedule an appointment.

It's that time of year again... What are your New Year's Resolutions? What about your relationship resolutions? At the start of a new year, many people try to set goals for themselves, their relationships, and their families. With the highest of hopes, they plan for the best and most positive possible outcomes. The problem, however, is that some people sometimes set their expectations a little too high and then become frustrated and overwhelmed when they don't accomplish everything exactly as they had planned. And then some things, like relationship resolutions, are given up on altogether. The reality is that couples and families can sometimes be overcome with all of the little things life has in store- work, kids, taking care of other family members, and other pesky responsibilities. In many cases, couples don't cherish and nurture their relationship and end up taking it for granted. They don't realize it's an entity that needs cultivating and developing just like anything else. Today, our guest, Dr. Susan Orenstein of Orenstein Solutions in Cary, NC will be discussing how couples can use the New Year as a way to motivate themselves to set goals as a team. As a licensed psychologist and the director of Orenstein Solutions, Susan says it's the perfect time for couples to take stock of their relationships, clarify their goals as a pair, and come up with a good action plan for 2013. To find out more about Susan and her practice, visit her website or call (919) 428-2766 to schedule an appointment. Check out Susan's Pairs Workshops here, and be sure to find out more about the PAIRS App for your iPhone, iPod Touch or iPad.

Take a second to stop and think... Are you maintaining mindfulness today? You might ask, well what does that mean exactly? The idea of mindfulness is to be present to ourselves physically, emotionally, spiritually and literally in the moment. Being mindful involves focusing on your breathing and thoughts rather than projecting yourself into the future with worries and anxiety. Even though it's natural to look to the future and worry about what might happen or what could happen, it's not the best tactic for your mind. Doing so can often lead you to forget about, or concentrate less on the current moment. The moment you're living in. When life is plagued with disconnection and stress, things can get tough. Oftentimes the first things to suffer are relationships and family ties… which is why mindfulness can be so important. If couples and families learn to develop these critical skills, their communication, expression and intimacy abilities can flourish. Instead of thinking and worrying about the next fight in your relationship or the next big trip or next month's bills, take a second to stop, breath, and focus on mindfulness. Our guest today, Dr. Roz Heiko of Pediatric & Family Psychology P.A. in Cary, NC, is here to discuss some of her healing and coaching techniques. In helping people get back to a positive place in their lives and relationships, Roz encourages and teaches a level of discipline and mindful awareness. To find out more about Roz and her practice, visit her website or call (919) 858-9692 to schedule an appointment.