Stay Happily Married

Does long-standing sibling rivalry really have an impact on a marriage? So where does sibling rivalry start in the first place? According to academic professionals at the University of Michigan Health System, the most fundamental effect and characteristic of sibling rivalry is jealousy. Constant arguments between siblings create a strong feeling of tension in the household that's felt by everyone. It's also been suggested that rivalry between siblings has negative effects on the marriage of the parents, as the problems experienced between the siblings begin to make the parents more likely to disagree about who is right and who is wrong in different situations. So what is the best way to ease the tension and quell the rivalries? Today's guest is Dr. Kristen Wynns, a child psychologist and parenting, testing and custody specialist and the owner of Wynns Family Psychology. With extensive experience in child and parenting issues, Kristen has seen her fair share of family tension derived from sibling rivalry. According to her, spouses can reduce the negative effects of the rivalry by communicating with each other and presenting a unified front to the children. The Wynns Family Psychology 'Sibling Strife' workshop will be held September 23, 2013 from 5:30 pm to 7:30 pm. To find out more about Kristen and her practice, visit their website or call (919) 467-7777 to schedule an appointment.

Do you and your partner have what it takes to build a sound relationship house? The Sound Relationship House theory was developed by relationship expert Dr. John Gottman and follows the notion that it's essential for couples to cultivate and build a fundamental process for the success of the relationship. The theory includes areas such as trust, commitment, knowing your partner's world, sharing fondness and admiration towards one another, having a positive perspective about your marriage, managing conflict, making life dreams come true, and creating a shared meaning for your marriage. When couples get stuck in repetitive argument patterns it can be difficult to reach agreement, but what many don't realize is that it might be more important for them to work on having more fun in their marriage rather than just focusing on reducing the conflict. Our guest today is Dr. Katrina Kuzyszyn-Jones, a licensed psychologist and the owner of KKJ Forensic and Psychological Services in Durham, NC. Katrina is here to discuss Gottman's Sound Relationship House theory and to give couples some solid tips on how they can follow and use the theory throughout their marriages. To find out more about Katrina and her practice, visit their website or call (919) 493-1957 to schedule an appointment.

Despite the fact that they're family... What do you do when you just can't stand to be around your in-laws? Although you love your spouse, you might not always love his or her parents or siblings. So how do you make peace with them when there has always been tension? How do you reach a compromise that everyone in the family is okay with? Naturally, the goal is to develop a comfortable role for yourself with realistic expectations for what your in-laws can offer to you and what you can offer to them. It's not always that simple though. And sometimes it can be even more difficult because it's family. When there's a lack of support from the in-laws, it can put a lot of stress on a marriage and both partners individually. Sometimes couples don't really know how to set healthy boundaries and limits, and they ultimately get caught up in never-ending family drama and turmoil. Today's guest is Dr. Susan Orenstein, the director of Orenstein Solutions in Cary, NC. Susan has worked with many couples who have faced these very issues, and she's here to discuss a way to fix the problems. According to her, it is possible for couples to get to a place where they feel comfort and happiness with their in-laws... even after many years of struggle. To find out more about Susan and her practice, visit their website or call (919) 428-2766 to schedule an appointment.

How can you and your partner manage change throughout your marriage? Do you both have what it takes to face the challenges change can bring? Change is as inevitable as death and taxes, yet when people marry they don't think very much about all of the ways their partner might change over time. Changes can come in many shapes and sizes and at various points throughout life and marriage. Changing career paths, changing religions, changing whether or not you want children or how you choose to spend or save money... The list goes on and on. Sometimes dealing with change can be very difficult and confusing and can also put much stress on a marriage and both partners individually. If couples aren't on the same page about how to manage different transformations throughout life, then they could very well argue a lot more which can lead to a build up of tension and resentment. There are solutions, however, and today's guest has some helpful pointers and tips for couples on how to manage big changes within their marriages and personal lives. Dr. Tina Lepage is the founder of Lepage Associates in Durham, NC. Among others, a specialty of hers is personal and professional relationships and with more than 15 years of experience serving clients, Tina has helped her fair share of couples dealing with many different issues. To find out more about Tina and her practice, you can visit their website or call (919) 572-0000 to schedule an appointment.

How can couples pick good friends that are healthy for their relationship? Sometimes, in the beginning stages of a marriage, couples are more focused on starting and raising a family rather than making a lot of friends... They can become more centered around parenting issues-- how to raise the kids, where to have family vacations, who will pick the kids up from school and take them to various practices-- things of that nature. When the kids get older and more independent, however, there's more time for a couple to build a social life with friends that revolves around things other than play dates and kids' birthday parties. But what if a couple ends up facing conflict as a result of their social life? How can they navigate it together so that both partners are happy and comfortable? At times, couples might have to take a closer look at their friendships and determine what the root of the problem is-- because sometimes it's not necessarily the friends. Today's guest is Dr. Susan Orenstein, the director of Orenstein Solutions in Cary, NC. Susan has worked with many couples who have faced these very issues, and she's here to discuss a way to fix the problems. According to her, when a couple is in a place where they can trust and respect each other, she can guide them to be more creative with their problem-solving techniques. To find out more about Susan and her practice, visit their website or call (919) 428-2766

Have you found yourself stuck in a love rut in your relationship? Are you and your partner feeling unfulfilled? Sometimes, in a long-term, committed relationship, partners begin to feel that, despite their hops about each other, they aren't being truly fulfilled the way they expected to be at the start of the relationship. As patterns of low expectations begin to form, many couples don't know how to reach out to each other, confide their wants and needs, and find solutions to problems. When there's a prolonged power struggle, people start to feel frustrated, anxious and insecure, among other things. Sometimes, couples have been stuck in a "trouble spot" for too long, and they don't have the skills to work their way out. Today's guest is Dr. Rebecca Matthews, a psychologist with 3-C Family Services who has an extensive background in both research and clinical work. Rebecca is here to discuss how partners can get out of their love rut and back to a place of happiness and content in their relationship. To find out more about Rebecca and her practice, visit their website or call (919) 677-0101 to schedule an appointment. Be sure to check out the 3-C Family Services one-day couples workshop series, A New Beginning. The next workshop is scheduled for Saturday, July 27 from 8am to 4pm.

What's the best way to support a spouse with anxiety? Anxiety can be crippling at times. So what happens when one partner in a relationship or marriage is affected by it? What happens within the relationship? Anxiety can not only impair the life of the person afflicted, but also the life of the non-afflicted partner. Today, we're joined by Kate Thieda from KKJ Forensic and Psychological Services. Kate is a Licensed Professional Counselor Associate and National Certified Counselor. Kate lives in Durham, NC, and when she's not helping couples with issues in their marriages, she can usually be found with her partner Annette, running, stand-up paddle boarding, or driving around town in her vintage Corvette. Kate is the author of, Loving Someone With Anxiety, and is an expert in how anxiety can lead to crippling problems in a relationship. She's here today to help all of us understand how the loved ones of those suffering from anxiety can offer support in positive, encouraging ways and without creating bigger problems. Kate's book can be found on Amazon or at your local Barnes & Noble retailer. To find out more about Kate and her practice, visit their website or call (919) 493-1975 to schedule an appointment.

Are you giving your partner the support he or she needs and deserves? It's no secret that one of the most important factors in a successful relationship is how well the partners are able to support each other. To feel truly and unconditionally supported by a partner is something everyone wants, and it makes a world of difference in how a relationship is cared for and maintained. The problem is that many people expect a "good partner" will instinctively know how to be supportive and will just say or do the right thing automatically. In reality, there are many different types of responses to stress and negativity and what each partner needs to feel support is ultimately about personal preference and should actually be discussed openly. Our guest is Dr. Gabriella Johr, a licensed clinical psychologist with Orenstein Solutions located in Cary, NC. With a specialization in child and family therapy, Gabriella has had a great deal of experience helping married couples find the right ways to be supportive. Today she's here to share some of her insightful pointers and tips on the art of offering support within relationships and marriages. To find out more about Gabriella and her practice, visit their website or call (919) 428-2766 to schedule an appointment.

The great paradox of wealth... As the money increases, do happiness and satisfaction increase too? Despite the wonderful things money can provide, there is also a great deal of responsibility that comes with teaching and maintaining good moral standing with regard to wealth. Society has taught us that having a lot of money paves the way for increased power, higher social standing and a comfortable life. Unfortunately, however, complications arise when couples and families have a lot of money but fail to model and teach things like ethics, boundaries and respect for consequences. Oftentimes, entitlement, depression, anxiety and substance abuse are strongly correlated with increases in wealth, and according to our guest Rob Danzman, a systemic type of narcissism can even develop as an outward family value. Rob is the owner and clinical director of Fonthill Counseling in Chapel Hill, NC. With more than a decade of experience helping families work out difficult issues like substance abuse, mental illness and academic problems, Rob has seen his fair share of complicated. The good news is, Rob has solutions for some of these issues and is joining us to share pointers on building strong family values and goals. To find out more about Rob and his practice, visit their website or call (919) 351-5838 to schedule an appointment.

Pets can be a source of joy, or a nightmare. Which kind of pet should you get, if any? How many is too many? Whose responsibility is it to take care of them? The issues of pets are fairly easy to work out on your own, but when you and your spouse disagree about how many pets to have or what kind of pets to have or who will take care of them, then you might run into a whole lot of trouble. Should you be responsible for cleaning up after the dog your wife had from before you were married? Are your husband's three cats driving you insane? Today's guest is Dr. Susan Orenstein, and she's joining us to discuss how couples can come to an agreement on how to manage the pets they already have, and how to compromise on any desire for new furry friends. Susan says you can learn a lot about your partner by how he or she is with your pets or pets in general. For instance, if your partner is allergic to cats, the issue is about the cat. If your partner doesn't think it's important to make sure the dog gets a walk, you're learning how he or she values animals; and if your partner is immune to your pet's crying/pain, this could tell you how compassionate he or she is in general. Susan is the Director of Orenstein Solutions in Cary, NC. Susan specializes in adult relationship issues and has worked extensively in treating couples and individuals. To find out more about Susan and her practice, visit their website or call (919) 428-2766 to schedule an appointment.

Is it possible to have a romantic vacation while also making the most of family time? Perhaps you and your spouse are wanting to take a family vacation. But maybe you're fearing that your kids with be antsy and bored, and that you and your partner won't have any time for romance and fun. So what do you do with this dilemma? Sometimes couples find themselves having completely kid-focused vacations in order to meet the "family togetherness" needs, but they don't get a chance to pay attention to the marriage during the time off from work and away from home. Or maybe a couple might plan a romantic getaway without the kids because they find it difficult to work on romance with the children around. Either way, someone (...like your child) or something (...like the romance in your marriage) ends up left out of the mix. According to today's guest, Erica Blystone-- a licensed clinical social worker with Lepage Associates-- there are ways to have your cake and eat it too. You, in fact, can go on a family vacation and work on rekindling the romance in your marriage at the same time, and Erica is here to discuss how and give our listeners some pointers. To find out more about Erica and her practice, visit their website or call (919) 572-0000 to schedule an appointment.

Is it really possible to truly forgive and forget when it comes to infidelity? Every human has needs. When it comes right down to it, greed can be one of those needs. More often than it should happen, in life, people look at what's out there and suddenly what they have isn't enough. As our guest, Dr. Scott Halztman, says, "we live in a culture that says 'you can have what you want, when you want it.'" This means that there can be a lot left that falls to the wayside when the greed impulse takes over, and oftentimes broken marriages and relationships are left in the wake. When mistakes are made and hearts are broken, is there ever a way to repair the damage, move on and grow? Today's guest says that it is possible to recover from an affair and he has detailed exactly how this can be done in his latest book, The Secrets of Surviving Infidelity. Certified by the American Board of Psychiatry and Neurology, Dr. Scott Haltzman is also a Distinguished Fellow of the American Psychiatric Association. A graduate of Brown, Scott completed his psychiatric training and chief residency at Yale University before love for his Alma Mater took him back to Rhode Island to serve on the Brown University faculty. To find out more about Scott and his latest book, The Secrets of Surviving Infidelity, visit his website or check him out on Facebook.

What is the key to being mindful in your marriage? The idea of mindfulness is to be present to ourselves physically, emotionally, spiritually and literally in the moment. Being mindful involves focusing on your breathing and thoughts rather than projecting yourself into the future with worries and anxiety. Sometimes it is much easier, mentally, to think about the what ifs-- What if this happens? What if that happens? What if we break up? What if we can't afford this? In turn, what becomes more challenging is staying in the present moment. When life is plagued with disconnection and stress, things can get tough. More and more people are finding themselves running on autopilot, essentially. They are not fully and deeply present with themselves and each other. And sadly, a lot of people end up just accepting this as the inevitable. If couples can learn to develop skills for mindfulness, however, their communication, expression and intimacy abilities will flourish. Today's guest is Dr. Kevin Metz, a couples specialist with Lepage Associates, and he'll be discussing some of the techniques for mindfulness that he teaches and encourages in relationships. While helping people get back to a positive place in their marriages, Kevin inspires a level of discipline and mindful awareness. To find out more about Kevin and his practice, visit their website or call (919) 572-0000 to schedule an appointment.

What happens to a marriage when parents must begin to prepare for an empty nest? When parents start to prepare to send their son or daughter off to college they are not only helping to ease the transition into college life for their child, but also paving the way for their own next steps... of marriage and an empty nest, that is. But many families aren't exactly aware of the challenges that arise with big transitions and changes, and therefore they're not as proactive as they could be. Sometimes a couple isn't really clear on the parenting roles that are played with kids in college. When this is the case, it's easy for parents to be on different pages-- and they might not have a solid plan for how they will respond to different crises and critical issues. With a little guidance, however, it can be easy and uplifting for a couple to get back to a positive place; a place where they successfully parent and maintain a long-standing marriage as a team. Today's guest is Dr. Susan Orenstein, the director of Orenstein Solutions. Susan says couples can fix these issues by working together to create plans for the expected and the unexpected. An empty nest doesn't have to be a bad thing... it can, in fact, be just the beginning. To find out more about Susan and her practice, visit their website or call (919) 968-8586

What's the real story behind multiple marriages? According to the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC), the current marriage rate is 6.8 per 1000 people. Not so shockingly, the current divorce rate is 3.4. This means that, right now, 50 percent of marriages are ending in divorce. And with half of all marriages ending in divorce, more and more people are finding themselves remarried and categorized as multiple marriers. We're talkin' two, three, four and even five marriages. Maybe more. What are the facts behind these kinds of situations? What are the statistics and how does the multiple marriage pattern become established in the first place? Oftentimes, serial marriers are perceived by society in a relatively negative or less respectable manner... but why? What has really become the most interesting is the expectations that surround marriage and family life. Today's guest is a multiple marrier herself, Pam Evans. While Pam serves as the senior director in the high tech sector of a Fortune 1000 company, she also doubles as an author and public speaker on the subject of multiple marriages. She has not only been featured on the Bay Area Independent Publishers List, but also on last summer's Top 12 Book Pick List on "Spirited Woman." She's here to discuss the myths and truths of being a serial marrier. To find out more about Pam and her adventures as a multiple marriage expert, check out her book Ring EXchange and visit her website.