Stay Happily Married

What's the secret to having a happy husband? What have you done for ME lately? Does that sound familiar? Chances are, that question does sound familiar. And it's often right out of the mouth of wives who also might ask- why should I be nice to you if you're not nice to me? But maybe those are the wrong questions to be asking. Sometimes, a big part of having a happy marriage is having a happy husband. More often than not, kids and careers take priority over the marriage, and husbands and wives end up becoming more like roommates instead of best friends and lovers. When couples get overwhelmed with daily life tasks and the little things turn into big things, they might feel like they have no time to nurture their marriage and each other. Sometimes they even feel hopeless about rekindling their original flame. If you are feeling like your marriage is becoming more disconnected, tense, and unhappy altogether, perhaps the first step is changing your attitude toward your husband. Today's guest is author and public speaker, Arlene Pellicane. She's been featured on shows like The Hour of Power, The 700 Club, and TLC's Home Made Simple. We'll be talking about Arlene's book, 31 Days to a Happy Husband, and she'll give us all a few pointers and tips on improving marriages that are just going through the motions. To find out more about Arlene, her books and her speaking events, visit her website here.  

How can you tell when your partner drinks too much? When does drinking become a problem? Imagine meeting someone new. You start going out on romantic dates- dates that maybe include a bottle of wine, candles, roses, the whole nine yards. Initially, the alcohol acts as an intimacy and romance enhancer. It helps you both loosen up, relax, and enjoy yourselves. But what happens when down the road the alcohol becomes toxic? Sometimes stress and tension build up and eventually it's one partner who drinks too much, too frequently. When one partner begins to develop a drinking problem, the other might start to feel like the alcohol has taken top priority in the relationship. Any little bit of consumption could start to be a bid deal, and the partners could begin to withdraw from each other, creating an even bigger issue. With communication mishaps and increased fighting, oftentimes married partners don't know how to go back and fix the issue. Today, Dr. Julia Messer is talking with us about how to handle this issue if and when it arises. As a licensed psychologist with Orenstein Solutions in Cary, NC, she helps couples and individuals develop practical coping solutions for many different challenging situations. To find out more about Julia and her practice, visit their website or call (919) 428-2766 to make an appointment.

If you were the reason for the fighting in your marriage, would you be able to admit you were the "I" in the storm? One of the biggest challenges facing couples today is their inability to truly hear one another and recognize the unhealthy communication patterns that develop over time. In many cases it starts with one partner, the "I" in the storm. This partner becomes a force in the relationship that is somewhat like the "eye" of a hurricane- the area surrounded by the most severe conditions. When negative communication patterns develop or have already been developed, the strength of the marriage can take a hit. And oftentimes it results in distance and contempt between partners. The majority of the time, all each partner really wants is for the other to understand them. But in the midst of arguing over a point, compassion and understanding can sometimes fly out the window. Leslie Petruk is a child and family therapist who joins us to discuss the the biggest predictors of divorce, but also the key to resolving communication problems within a marriage. At her practice SteppingStones Counseling and Consulting in Charlotte, NC, Leslie works to help individuals and couples build more connected and mindful lives. To find out more about Leslie and her practice, visit their website, or call (704) 335-6100 to make an appointment. Stressed out with parenting duties? Check out Leslie's website that offers tips and resources for when you're feeling overwhelmed.

What kind of impact does mental illness have on a marriage? In today's society, it's becoming more and more common for individuals to be living with some sort of mental health condition or illness like anxiety or depression. And while there are many issues and conditions that present themselves in different, unique ways, oftentimes the effects on a marriage are very similar. In addition to anxiety and depression, some people suffer from more extreme conditions like post-traumatic stress disorder and substance abuse problems. When these issues creep in without the proper treatment, their impact on a marriage and the individual can be fundamentally problematic. In some situations, the partner without the condition will have to pick up the slack for the other. And in many cases, couples will begin to suffer from tension and exhaustion within their marriage. Our guest today is Dr. Nerina Garcia, a clinical psychologist with Williamsburg Therapy and Wellness in Brooklyn, NY. Nerina is here to give us some advice about how couples and individuals can learn to cope with mental illnesses within marriages while building a network of support. To find out more about Nerina and her practice, visit her website or call (917) 816-4449.  

What's the real story behind infidelity and affair proofing your marriage? Though data varies, many researchers and clinicians would say that about 25 percent of men and 15 percent of women engage in an affair during the course of their marriage. Extramarital affairs cross all boundaries. While the news media chronicle the affairs of our leaders and the rich and famous, chances are we likely know couples in our own circles who have experienced infidelity. When it comes to affair proofing your marriage, there are some obvious steps, but also some not-so-obvious ones. The research that is available suggests that affairs happen across ethnic and racial lines, in red states and blue ones, in the homes of the rich and in the homes of the poor, regardless of educational level and by both men and women. Unfortunately, the statistics show that affairs and infidelity issues can happen across the board. Armed with that knowledge, it's important to also know the steps to take to ensure your marriage is protected from infidelity. Today's guest is one of our regulars, Dr. Kristen Wynns of Wynns Family Psychology in Cary, NC. Though you and your spouse ultimately have control over the boundaries in your relationship, Kristen is here to discuss some of the important tips you both can stick with for affair proofing your marriage. To find out more about Kristen and her practice, visit her website, or call (919) 467-7777 to make an appointment.

What's the key to managing the holidays with your in-laws? If the financial stress surrounding the holidays isn’t enough, there can always be a little more to count on with the arrival of extended family and in-laws, or the anticipation of making the yearly trek to the airport. Of course not everyone experiences tension with family members, but for those who do, when the issues come to a head during the holiday season there can be added stress with unwanted consequences. For some people, the holidays can be a time when they become more acutely aware of the problems in their family either because they are spending more time together, or because previous holidays have been difficult and it opens old wounds. Whatever the situation or cause of the tension might be, the pressure can sometimes be too much to handle. The beauty in all of it, however, is that change and healing is possible. The holiday season and the arrival of in-laws truly don't have to be so demanding and worrying. Our guest today, Dr. Katrina Kuzyszyn-Jones of KKJ Forensic and Psychological Services in Durham, NC, is here to offer advice to couples and families on how to deal with holiday stress. To find out more about Katrina and her practice, visit her website or call (919) 493-1975 to make an appointment.

Is it possible to get through the holidays without losing your mind, and stability in your marriage? Around the holidays, like Thanksgiving and Christmas or Hanukkah, couples and families tend to feel additional stress because of all the added pressures and expectations that surround the season. Pesky things like extra work hours, long shopping lists, children out of school and extended family coming to visit can sometimes add worry to what's supposed to be a joyous time. During the holiday season, it's very easy for schedules to become hectic and for every day situations to get chaotic. A time that should be happy and blissful often becomes confusing, and can leave couples feeling overwhelmed and helpless. But there is hope. It can be possible for couples and families to get on the path to enjoying each other and time together during the most stressful of times. Our guest today, Dr. Michael Howard of Healing Solutions Counseling Center in Charlotte, NC, says the holidays don't have to be stressful. Along with a few tips and pieces of advice, Michael explains the common triggers of holiday stress and discusses how to mellow them. To find out more about Michael and his practice, visit his website or call (704) 944-5530 to make an appointment.

Is keeping secrets from your partner just as bad as lying? We're talking about lying by omission. It may not seem like selective honesty would create problems within a marriage, but keeping secrets from your partner is a form of lying. Doing this can create cracks in the foundation of a relationship and lead to the destruction of a marriage. Many couples are unaware of the powerful message they are sending by intentionally withholding information. Sometimes couples think that keeping secrets from one another is being "helpful," or that they are "sparing the other," but that isn't the case. When one or both partners in the relationship have secrets that the other don't know about, trust and communication are compromised. After a marriage has been hit by secrets and lies, the dynamic has been changed for the worst. Our guest today is Dr. Janet Savia, a clinical psychologist with Lepage Associates. According to Janet, secrets and lies create deep wounds, but can be healed with honesty and guidance. Though it may seem impossible to regain trust within a marriage that is plagued with secrets and lies, it's not. Change can be real. To find out more about Janet and the practice, Lepage Associates, visit their website, or call (919) 572-0000 to make an appointment.

What is the secret to making your marriage special while also parenting a child with special needs? Approximately 10 percent of individuals within the general population have a disability. Now, with the rise of certain disabilities like autism disorders, many couples are parenting special needs children. In those instances, making your marriage special can be more like a chore. When so much extra time and energy is put into taking care of a child with special needs, what ends up happening to the marriage? Becoming a parent for the first time is a challenge and usually involves a degree of adaptation. For parents with a special needs child, however, adaptation can be much more difficult. These parents must learn to adjust to the unique and sometimes scary path of raising a child with a disability. And with the many extra demands that it places upon parents as individuals, having any time to work on the marriage might seem impossible. Our guest today is Dr. Barbara Lowe-Greenlee, a licensed psychologist with Greenlee Psychological & Support Services in Chapel Hill, NC. She works to help families with special needs children succeed and thrive despite the tough challenges they face. To find out more about Barbara and her practice, visit her website or call (919) 824-5743 to make an appointment.

Can we become stronger while managing ADHD within a marriage? It’s no secret that navigating and maintaining a marriage can be difficult sometimes. But what if your spouse has ADHD or is undiagnosed and living with ADHD? In either case, communication is extra challenging and can seem impossible at times. Oftentimes the partner dealing with ADHD within a marriage is inconsistent, and that can lead to tension. If your partner can be forgetful about simple household tasks, or seems uninterested or distracted more often than not, he or she might be living with ADHD or another attention deficit condition. Though the issues are small, they often build up to be one large problem in the relationship. Having a partner with ADHD can create a level of frustration that's hard to understand, but luckily there is a fix. Nowadays, we know a lot more about the characteristics of ADHD. And that makes treatment and maintenance much easier. Today, psychiatrist Dr. Jennie Byrne of Cognitive Psychiatry of Chapel Hill is our guest, and she has answers to some of the burning questions about conditions like ADHD within a marriage. To find out more about Jennie and her practice, or to seek help for a similar situation, visit her website or call (919) 636-5240 to schedule an appointment.

Planning a romantic vacation for couples does not have to be a battle royale. If you’re like most couples, there just isn’t enough time in the day to do everything that needs to get done. Between work and kids, you’re lucky to squeeze in time to brush your teeth – let alone take a vacation together. You have to balance your professional and home life without dropping the ball on anything important.  Learning to manage the day-to-day can be a huge challenge for most people, making vacation seem impossible. Our guests today are the brains behind a leading couple’s travel blog, 1000 Places to Fight before You Die. Mike Willits and his wife Luci encourage busy couples to get out and see the world together. It's time to leave the kids behind and let the relatives do all the heavy lifting. Reconnect and strengthen your relationship by planning and making an annual escape. Whether this means an exotic trip to the other side of the planet, or discovering a neighboring state, the limitless possibilities mean great things for your marriage.  From taking those bucket list dreams and turning them into a reality, Mike & Luci Willits break down the fine art of vacation for couples. To find out more about Mike & Luci Willits, as well as the 1000 Places to Fight Before You Die, visit their blog.

Do you have the tools to build a successful marriage? We’ve all heard the old saying “marriage takes work.” But exactly how much work does it take? Do we all possess the skills that it takes to harbor a successful marriage or are we setting ourselves up for failure? If you look around at the couples you know, some seem to have a better emotional connection than others. You can tell by their interactions, their body language and even by how they behave apart from their spouses.Do the differences that we see between ourselves and other couples mean that some partners are just luckier than others, or are they on to something that the rest of us don't know about? Dr. Bob Dick has been helping couples tap into the skills they need to make a marriage work for more than four decades. In addition to working with couples, individuals and kids at CenterPoint Psychotherapy Associates in Raleigh, NC and Haven Medical Centerin Chapel Hill, NC, he trains other psychotherapists. He’s also a 2-term former president of the North Carolina Society of Clinical Hypnosis and an Approved Consultant with The American Society of Clinical Hypnosis. To find out more about Dr. Bob Dick and his practice, CenterPoint Psychotherapy Associates, you can visit his website or call 919-215-4703 for an appointment.

Does your marriage partner think that the world revolves around them? There’s a lot of good information out there to help a troubled marriage survive, but when it comes to a marriage in which one spouse suffers from narcissism, there are very few resources available on how to make it work. Some statistics suggest that many troubled marriages contain one partner who has some degree of narcissism – and the outcome is fairly predictable. When one spouse thinks that the marriage revolves around him or her, it causes extreme stress on the entire marriage. Usually the other spouse recognizes the problem, repeatedly tries to fix the issues and, unfortunately, is unable to change things. Often, a marriage with this kind of stress will easily collapse but John O'Donoghue believes there are solutions. In many cases, he suggests the most important factor for change is the ability to understand how the narcissistic partner thinks and the willingness to accept it. John O'Donoghue is a marriage and family therapist with John O'Donoghue Therapy Services in Raleigh, NC. John specializes in providing psychotherapy to individuals, couples and families. He helps people understand what life is like with a narcissistic partner and works to try to make marriages successful when one spouse is narcissistic. To learn more about John and his practice, visit his website or call 919-341-2477 to make an appointment.

Are you sabotaging your love life? Statistics show that 85 percent of single women can't wait to get married-- but do they really want the whole package? We already know that women have vastly different expectations of marriage than men do so it should be no surprise that men don't always live up to those expectations. Throughout the phases of marriage, however, many things can change. As many as 70 percent of wives express unhappiness and dissatisfaction in their marriages over time-- which is a pretty big number. Is that just part of the natural cycle that marriages go through, or does it signal a larger issue? When women are dissatisfied, what do they do about it? This episode, our guest has the answers to these questions and can help explain why couples experience these cycles. She also has some tips on marriage-- how to make it, break it or keep it. Susan Shapiro Barash is the author of 13 books, including The Nine Phases of Marriage. Susan teaches gender studies at Marymount Manhattan College and helps women understand the issues they face during marriage. To learn more about Susan Shapiro Barash visit her website. Visit BookTrib to find out more about Susan's many publications.

If there was an instruction book for a happy marriage, would you use it? No one makes such a great commitment, like marriage, with the assumption that they will one day end up as anything other than happy. So what is the key to a happy marriage when small squabbles and large debates muddy the waters of your love? We often don’t consider these issues unless they’re directly affecting our own marriages. Is it possible to turn a bad situation around when we're being reactive to a situation rather than being proactive? In a lot of cases, many little issues add up to become one big issue. If you can identify what some of those “little things” are, you can make any necessary adjustments in your marriage that can help you stay happy as a couple. But how exactly do you work to discover what these problem triggers could be? Dr. Tina Lepage shares 10 of the humorous secrets to staying happily married from a marriage counselor’s perspective. Tina is founder of Lepage Associates in Durham, North Carolina, where she specializes in couples and marriage therapy. To find out more about Tina Lepage and her practice in Durham, NC,  Lepage Associates, you can visit their website or call (919)572-0000 for an appointment.