The New Man

Using Failure and Loss to Become Stronger What happens when we don’t accept that loss and failure are necessary for growth? What has us stay in careers and relationships way past their due date? And are we making things way harder than they need to be? On a recent coaching call, my client and I had a discussion about loss, failure, and letting go of our expectations for the future. At the time, I had recently just come back to our home that was significantly damaged by Hurricane Florence and my client was dealing with the struggles of trying to fund his startup. If you’re wondering why it feels really hard to control how things are now or the future, then I hope this conversation will be helpful for you. In this interview: * Phil Stutz and “Only the dead survive” * Trying to control the future * What’s the difference between letting an opportunity die and giving up? * What destroys success, marriages, and opportunities? * What keeps us in lousy relationships and jobs way past their due date? * Why integrating lessons learned from tough times is critical to our power

Are your goals making you unhappy? Are you busting butt to create a future that may never exist? What do our fantasies tell us about what we truly want in life? Here’s a simple way we can learn how to tap into unconscious beliefs in order to strengthen our mindset.

Midlife crisis and how to thrive as we age. Why guys can have a midlife crisis when they’re 30 or 50. Why hustling is often a symptom of an unhealthy mindset. Learning to master fear, uncertainty, and change.

Mission, Money, and Meaning. How to get your life together; How to identify the mindset that keeps us playing small; Where we find the most satisfaction; And how Joe Bernstein reinvented his life after divorce, career change, and losing 150 pounds.

Coaching Practice: Why Jerks Can Make Money Click here to download the free ebook — Why Coaches Struggle Click here to learn more about The Authority Program for Established Coaches. Below is a transcription of this podcast: Most of my clients are entrepreneurs or other coaches that want to align their business with their values. They want to make great money doing what they believe they were put on this Earth to do. After being in business for myself for over 20 years and helping many, many others do the same — you wanna know what I think one of the biggest threats is to creating what we want? Is it lack of time or money or resource? Nope. Folks that really want it figure out a way to create that stuff. Is it a lack of know-how or expertise? Nope. Folks that really want it learn what needs to be learned. You wanna know what it is? It’s a “need” to be important. To be special. To be significant. Now, I’m not gonna bullshit you and act like I don’t enjoy feeling like a big deal from time to time. Everybody does in their own way. But this kills our business when we focus on being important instead of being effective. We’re in trouble when we’re fixated on that image in the mirror instead of what really matters and what really works. We’re in trouble when we make everything personal. We’re in trouble when we’re convinced that being liked and popular is the same as being a problem solver. If being liked and popular and adored was the key to creating a thriving business, then how can we explain the metric tons of jerk millionaires on this planet? (FYI, not all millionaires are jerks — that’s not what I’m saying. There are plenty of broke jerks, too. Jerks are everywhere.) There is no magical popularity contest that determines whether or not your business succeeds. The planets being out of alignment isn’t causing your opportunities to dry up. Your prospect didn’t bail because the Universe is punishing you. No. The reason why you didn’t get the client was because your skills need to improve. Period. Don’t get lost in the “What does this mean about me?” narcissistic-trap where your results are a reflection of your self image and identity. Your results are far more about your skills — not you personally. When we make everything personal we simply amplify the problem. Focusing on ourselves keeps us from sitting back and saying “Ok, what skills do I need to develop? What do I need to learn? What needs improvement?” Jerks can do this. So why not good guys, too? If you’re a coach in my Authority Group for Coaches (and coach-types) you’ll learn — and most importantly implement — the essentials to building a thriving, sustainable coaching business. Click here to download an eBook where I talk about some of the behaviors that kept my coaching practice stuck in The Struggle. Tripp PS Click here if you’d like to learn more about the Authority Group for Coaches (and coach-types).

Why do some of the “best” coaches go broke? What else do we need other than coaching skills to have a thriving coaching practice? Plus more information about the Authority Program for Established Coaches.

What can we learn from a professional coach who experienced 10X growth within 18 months? And why are so few coaches unwilling to do what it takes to create a thriving coaching practice? Plus more information about the Authority Program for Established Coaches.

What if you weren’t that big of a deal? What if your fear of failure was a waste of the precious time you have to be alive? In this episode we discuss some ideas for how to stop taking ourselves so seriously and make the most of our lives instead. It’s all a matter of perspective.

Rejection stings. And avoiding rejection will kill professional growth, too. Today we talk about ways to take the sting out of getting a “no”. Plus more information about the Authority Program for Established Coaches.

Is it true we have to quit our job or jeopardize our family in order to create a big change? Let’s discuss resistance and the excuse that keeps us stuck at the starting line of our entire lives.

Why aren’t you getting cool opportunities and referrals? Are you stuck in the dreaded Professional Friend Zone? Plus more information about the Authority Program for Established Coaches.

Fear of Success - Nearly Pissing Away Millions Because of Fear https://youtu.be/89yEl6uPYvk   Crush procrastination and mental resistance. Click here to learn the same mindset principles that Tripp Lanier uses with his coaching clients — including Navy SEALs, entrepreneurs, and influencers. Below is a transcription of this video. Today I want to tell you about a client who was on track to piss away millions of dollars because he was scared and had his head up his ass. In case you don’t know who I am, I’m Tripp Lanier. For over 12 years I’ve spent thousands of hours coaching folks to get out of the rat race, become an authority in their field, and make a great living doing the work they were put on this earth to do. And for more than a decade, I’ve hosted The New Man Podcast which has been downloaded millions of times and can be found on iTunes or Stitcher. And for what I’m about to say, keep whatever works for you and discard the rest. So one day my client shows up on the call and says, “I’m burned out. I’m toast. And I don’t know what to do about it.” Now these were not the words of a corporate wage slave dreaming of owning his own company and selling it for millions one day. These were the actual words of a guy who was going to sell his own company for millions in a matter of days. Let’s call him Tom even though that’s not his real name. Tom had built this company as a kid in his early twenties. At the time he started the business he had about $75 in his pocket. For years he put his head down, created amazing growth, and now in his mid-thirties he was going to sell his baby and set his family up for the good life. Or so it would seem. In reality, this sale and the transition was bringing up a lot of fear. He had a buyer and as part of the deal he would stay on board to run the company for a few years. At the end of that time he would move on and be rewarded very handsomely for its continued growth. He was still young. He could build and sell many more companies in his lifetime. He had a wide open road ahead. The future was bright, right? Not so much. Stuck in his fear and uncertainty, Tom was driving himself straight into a wall. Instead of focusing on the value of his leadership and vision, he was approaching this opportunity as that scared kid who was afraid to lose $75. All he could see were the things that could go wrong, all the ways this deal might go tits up. He was scratching and clawing trying to control and manage everything. He no longer trusted his team or the systems that allowed the company to grow so well over the years. He was playing not to lose instead of focusing on where he wanted to go. Instead of being the asset that would usher in a greater level of growth, he was becoming a liability to the company, the buyer, and the employees he cared for. If he stayed stuck in this fear-based perspective he was going to burnout and piss it all away. So after a bit of back and forth he asked me, “What the hell is going on? Why are things like this?” I told him, “You’re not thinking big enough.” I challenged him to shift into a higher perspective. I invited him to consider that one of the reasons his company was so valuable was because of his ability to create a vision and lead. It’s just that right now fear was having him play small. Fear was keeping him away from where he was most valuable. Fear had him trying to control and manage everything and everybody. So I asked him, “How would you navigate this sale and transition if you weren’t afraid?” The switch had flipped. He saw it. The perspective had shifted.

Entrepreneur Mindset for Success - Will F-You Money Solve Your Problems? https://youtu.be/545itfdIYRc   Crush procrastination and mental resistance. Click here to learn the same mindset principles that Tripp Lanier uses with his coaching clients — including Navy SEALs, entrepreneurs, and influencers. Below is a transcription of this video. Today let’s talk about dragons, “F you money”, and a mindset that keeps us weak. In case you don’t know who I am, I’m Tripp Lanier. For over 12 years I’ve spent thousands of hours coaching folks to get out of the rat race, become an authority in their field, and make a great living doing the work they were put on this earth to do. And for more than a decade, I’ve hosted The New Man Podcast which has been downloaded millions of times and can be found on iTunes or Stitcher. And for what I’m about to say, keep whatever works for you and discard the rest. Recently I was on a call with a client who I’ve been working with for about a year and a half to make a professional transition. He’s changing the type of work he’s doing. And if we were to measure his progress it’s been amazing. He’s erased tens of thousands of dollars of debt. Less than two years in, he’s earning more than double of what he made before we started working together. He’s working fewer hours, and he’s loving his work because he’s spending his time helping people that are building exciting new startups. Sounds like he should be stoked, right? Well while he was certainly excited by this progress, he was far from feeling peaceful. This was because in his mind, he had believed that if he got to a certain level of success then he would be able to escape the ups and downs and fears and uncertainties of working for himself. In other words, he was upset because he hadn’t completely escaped some of the problems or dragons he’d experienced years ago. As we talked he said, “I just thought if I got to this point I wouldn’t have to deal with anymore dragons. And yet, they keep coming. How hard do I have to work so that the dragons stop coming? What do I have to do?” Let’s talk about what’s going on here. Let’s imagine for the sake of this conversation that there are two ways to orient towards life: The first belief says something like, “If I make enough money or attain a certain status or XYZ, I won’t have to deal with uncertainty or the roller coaster of life anymore.” One of my coaches, Phil Stutz calls this fantasy exoneration. As in, we’re going to finally get to some place in our lives where we’ll be exonerated from life’s scariness and bullshit. This fantasy has us imagine that there’s some velvet rope section of life where we’ll be protected from uncertainty, pain, and effort. And if you think about it, that’s the illusion we’re confronted with daily — buy this product, have this body, attain “F you money”, or become important and all of our struggles will disappear. We can live in peace. But this isn’t reality. It’s not been true in my life or the hundreds of people I’ve coached. And just listen to my interviews with Phil Stutz and Barry Michels and you’ll hear two guys who have worked with billionaires and some of the most powerful people in the world. The ones who seemingly have it all. What have they discovered? That the folks at the top of the mountain still have dragons, too. Imagine that. Bottom line, there is no escape from the dragons. They may be fewer, they may be different. They may attack your health, your relationships, your finances — doesn’t matter. They’re still gonna keep coming in some way,

Victim Mindset - The False Sense of Power that Fuels Disappointment and Anxiety https://youtu.be/daPP0lK4jaA   Crush procrastination and mental resistance. Click here to learn the same mindset principles that Tripp Lanier uses with his coaching clients — including Navy SEALs, entrepreneurs, and influencers. Below is a transcription of this video. Today we’re going to talk about how playing the victim is natural and then what we can do to grow up. In case you don’t know who I am, I’m Tripp Lanier. For over 12 years I’ve spent thousands of hours coaching folks to get out of the rat race, become an authority in their field, and make a great living doing the work they were put on this earth to do. And for more than a decade, I’ve hosted The New Man Podcast which has been downloaded millions of times and can be found on iTunes or Stitcher. And for what I’m about to say, keep whatever works for you and discard the rest. To get the most out of this video, take a few minutes to watch another video I created on The Drama Triangle. It’ll help you understand what I mean when I talk about being a victim. For the sake of this video, when I talk about playing the victim I’m referring to a mindset for how we navigate the world vs actually being victimized in a crime or a natural disaster or something like that. Again, watch The Drama Triangle video to understand this further. So, yes, as I said before being a victim is natural. For all of us. Why? Because it’s how we first navigated the world. As infants we came into this world helpless, completely dependent on someone else for everything we needed. We were powerless to anything except our ability to cry when a need wasn’t met. We felt discomfort from a shitty diaper or a hunger pain or a burp or too many blankets or not enough blankets. We felt that discomfort and we did the only thing we could do — we cried out. We made a big racket and then someone fumbled around. They played a guessing game to try and figure out what we wanted and bring it to us so that we’d shut up. Was it a fresh diaper? More milk? Were we too hot? Too cold? Regardless, that caretaker was the one who made the effort to (1) clarify what was needed and (2) be the one to take effective action. Those are two key points right there — clarifying what is needed and taking action. Now, folks grow up physically but many never really outgrow this infantile, powerless way of trying to get what we want in life. We stick with what worked from the beginning which was crying — which now takes the form of complaining, bitching, and moaning — and hoping that someone else takes responsibility to (1) figure out what we need and then (2) deliver it to us. This sounds like “My wife should just know what I want. I shouldn’t have to say anything.” Or, “I started this company so that I could be my own boss. But now all I do is work, work, work.” If things continue to get lousy, we may turn up the flame and resort to verbally blaming and attacking. But on it’s own, this is still a powerless response. It may feel powerful to make a big fuss. In fact, the victim often confuses these self-righteous tirades as being effective because they feel a false sense of power in the moment. But if all we effectively did was make a big protest, we’re still depending on someone else or something outside of ourselves to meet our needs.

Manliness - How Good Boys Become Manly Men https://youtu.be/Anlujp1Iyiw   Crush procrastination and mental resistance. Click here to learn the same mindset principles that Tripp Lanier uses with his coaching clients — including Navy SEALs, entrepreneurs, and influencers. Below is a transcription of this video. Today we’re going to talk about good boys and manly men. In case you don’t know who I am, I’m Tripp Lanier. For over 12 years I’ve spent thousands of hours coaching folks to get out of the rat race, become an authority in their field, and make a great living doing the work they were put on this earth to do. And for more than a decade, I’ve hosted The New Man Podcast which has been downloaded millions of times and can be found on iTunes or Stitcher. And for what I’m about to say, keep whatever works for you and discard the rest. Ok. Good boys and manly men. Several times a year I get invited to share my thoughts on some podcast or summit about quote being a man. As if there’s this one unifying principle about what makes a quote real man and what a quote real man should do. I typically ignore these invitations, and here’s why: It’s a trap. This whole idea of being a quote real man is just another form of domestication. Let me explain domestication, and I’ll point you to don Miguel Ruiz if you want to learn more. So domestication happens to all of us. It’s not all bad or all wrong. But it’s the process we go through as we grow up to learn how to be safe and accepted and comfortable in the world. That’s not so bad. However when we become too domesticated we’re essentially playing a role. It’s bad news when we’re striving to become an image in our head instead of accepting who we really are. Cue anxiety and depression. Through domestication we become the good boy who becomes the good son who becomes the good guy who becomes the good worker, the good husband, etc. For this “good guy”, life is all about following the rules and striving to meet the expectations of others. His way of navigating the world is essentially, “Tell me what to do so that I’m acceptable. Tell me what to do so that you don’t get upset.” And living our lives in a way just to meet others’ expectations is a recipe for misery. Now the only guys I know who are concerned about this idea of manliness are the ones who are recovering “good guys”. But what they don’t realize is that seeking “manliness” is just another form of domestication. It’s simply the flip side of the same coin where we strive to meet the expectations of others in order to be accepted. And that’s what makes it a trap. Let’s come back to our “good guy” who’s now frustrated and exhausted from spending his life thus far doing what he’s been told in order to meet the expectations of others. He’s tired of giving his balls and his power to his mother or his wife or his boss or someone else. He feels shame about being neutered, so in a moment of genius he decides that being “manly” is the answer. He says, “If I was a ‘real man’ then I wouldn’t have to deal with this crap anymore.” He gets on the internet and looks up how to be manly and there’s a lot of information out there because folks are lining up to express their expectations for what a quote real man should be. And they say, “Do this, do that, don’t do this, don’t do that and then you’ll be a quote real man.” And our good guy says, “Great! I’m good at following the rules! I’ve spent my entire life practicing how to meet someone else’s expectations! I can do this!” But what our good guy doesn’t realize is that he’s still striving to meet someone’s expectations. He’s just shifted what those expectations are.