The New Man

Motivation Hacks: Why passion is overrated. How to build your fire. Let’s take a look at the myth that says we need to be full of desire before we can do what’s most important.

A lesson learned from Dave Chappelle about quitting and giving up on our dreams. Plus why I was afraid to quit playing football, how we abandon what strengthens us, and how to stop making excuses.

Learning big ideas feels good. But what feels better than discovering the latest big idea? When does learning and preparing and researching get in the way of what’s most important?

Can you imagine if Ryan Gosling gave up on his strengths and played pick up artist games to get women? That’s what many guys are doing on a professional level. How guys are selling themselves out by playing a role in order to be successful.

Tripp Lanier shares some tough love from a group coaching call for entrepreneurs. Discussed: expecting things to be easy, how we’re getting soft as men, forgetting out power, finding the beast within.

The New Man Podcast crosses the decade mark. Host and coach Tripp Lanier shares a few lessons he’s learned about playing your own game, having better relationships, and the myth of being an alpha male.

Why can some guys flirt without being offensive? Is sexual desire going to get you fired? Is shaming and repressing your turn-on the best way to deal with it? Healthy ways to deal with sexual desire and power.

Is Average Bad? External Validation and Comparing Yourself to Others Guest: Barry Michels Do ever you feel bad when you compare yourself to others? Would you get pissed if someone called you “average”? And what’s more important to you: being the best you can be or being better than someone else? The Tools and Coming Alive co-author Barry Michels is back to discuss the trap of external validation. We’re going to talk about how trying to be better than others is an un-winnable game and how we can learn how to play our own game instead. In this interview: * Why seeking external validation through money, sex, and attention is an un-winnable game * The difference between creating and getting * What if you were to give up hope that you’ll ever get the external reward you want? * The huge difference between being the best you can be vs being the best in the world (or industry, community, etc.) * Why being average is so scary for so many * How to tell if you’re being a “black hole” or a “sun” * How to tell if you’re the icky sales guy (that creeps everyone out) or someone who inspires others Click here for Barry Michels book Coming Alive: 4 Tools to Defeat Your Inner Enemy, Ignite Creative Expression & Unleash Your Soul's Potential. About Barry Michels https://thetoolsbook.com Barry Michels powered through his undergraduate studies at Harvard, went to law school at the University of California at Berkeley, and spent three years at a white-shoe law firm before disillusionment got the better of him. After a soul-searching time in Europe where he played guitar on street corners, he had a powerful spiritual experience and realized he wanted to be a therapist. He returned home and got an MSW from the University of Southern California and began his psychotherapy practice in 1986. A few years later, still searching for a psychotherapeutic technique that would bring his patients true freedom, he attended a seminar held by Phil. Struck by Phil’s commitment to human potential and his unorthodox approach, he began to study with Phil and use The Tools with his patients. Click here for Barry Michels book Coming Alive: 4 Tools to Defeat Your Inner Enemy, Ignite Creative Expression & Unleash Your Soul's Potential.

Sex Tips for Men: How to Break Out of Your Sex Routine Guest: Alyssa Morin If you overheard your partner complaining about sex with you, what would they say? Is your sex life stale, predictable, or routine? And is it possible to course correct your sex life or do you have to change partners in order to create excitement again? Somatic sex educator Alyssa Morin teaches men and women what we should have learned about sex ages ago. Today she’s going to help us learn the 3 keys to more enjoyable sex. Please note: This is a very explicit discussion (NSFW). In this interview: * What are women complaining about when it comes to sex with men? * Is sex getting stale or predictable? * Why pressure to have an orgasm makes sex less pleasurable * Are you afraid to talk about sex with your partner? * What is a somatic sex educator? Plus: * What can you do if you’re not satisfied with your sex life? * Does your sex life belong to you or your partner? * Why trying to “get it right” kills the enjoyment of sex * How David Deida didn’t help my sex life * How to build arousal throughout the day Click here to learn more about Alyssa Morin's course Aroused: The Keys to Her Pleasure. About Alyssa Morin As a kid and teenager, my sexual education consisted of, “wait until you’re married,” followed up with alarming information about STIs and the basics of reproduction. Nothing about pleasure or the complexities of intimate relationships. I felt profoundly alone when it came to sex and relationships, and totally mystified. I’d explored my own body enough to know what felt good, and I’d had a few lovers that had opened doors to new sexual pleasure for me, but I had a feeling more was possible if only I knew where to look – or touch. About 6 years ago, I began looking for answers to all of my questions about sex, relationships, and what it means to be human. I wanted to push the edges of my sexuality to see what was true, where my no was, and what I actually wanted. I tried some wild things, made some messes, hurt people and myself, and slowly learned – thanks in large part to community and mentorship – how to responsibly explore sex and relationships. As I was exploring, I accumulated skills and knowledge about the many dimensions of sex, pleasure, bodies, and relationships, that I now share with the world through in-person and virtual, hands-on, experiential work with individuals and couples, and in virtual courses. I feel called to provide people with the sexual education they never received so that they too can explore their sex and pleasure responsibly and enjoyably. I weave together Somatic Sex Education, Zen meditation and insight, relating skills, somatic trauma work, and nature based soul work to provide my clients and students with a variety of angles and opportunities to explore their sexuality and themselves – from practical, applicable, matter-of-fact sex education and problem-solving, to sensual, inexorable, earth-shattering magick, to clear self-knowing. Click here to learn more about Alyssa Morin's course Aroused: The Keys to Her Pleasure.

Alan Alda discusses why so many smart guys are terrible communicators, how bad communication makes life harder, and what you can do to be more powerful with others.

Tank Sinatra aka George Resch discusses what Gary Vaynerchuk told him about trolls, being called a sellout, and what he does to break free from negativity. - https://www.tanksinatra.com

How to Create Life Changing Experiences Why do we remember specific moments in our life and forget all the rest? What can we learn from a guy who only had 3 months to live? And how can a tarantula help us live a more rewarding life? Dan Heath is the co-author of The Power of Moments: Why Certain Experiences Have Extraordinary Impact as well as some of the most powerful books on human behavior and how it relates to business. Today he’s going to talk about how we can learn how to design the moments that change our lives. In this interview: * Why is it so hard to get some people to stop defecating in public? * Can we really create “defining moments”? * Pharrel Williams and those naked girls * Why do we remember some moments and forget all the rest? * How to get out of “groundhog day” Click here for Dan Heath's book The Power of Moments: Why Certain Experiences Have Extraordinary Impact. Click here to learn more about the Heath Brothers. About Dan Heath - The Power of Moments Dan Heath is a Senior Fellow at Duke University’s CASE center, which supports social entrepreneurs. At CASE, he founded the Change Academy, a program designed to boost the impact of social sector leaders. Dan is the co-author, along with his brother Chip, of three New York Times bestsellers: Decisive, Switch, and Made to Stick. Amazon.com’s editors named Switch one of the Best Nonfiction Books of the Year, and it spent 47 weeks on the New York Times Bestseller list. Made to Stick was named the Best Business Book of the Year and spent 24 months on the BusinessWeek bestseller list. Their books have been translated into over 30 languages. Previously, Dan worked as a researcher and case writer for Harvard Business School. In 1997, Dan co-founded an innovative publishing company called Thinkwell, which continues to produce a radically reinvented line of college textbooks. Dan has an MBA from Harvard Business School and a BA from the Plan II Honors Program from the University of Texas at Austin. One proud geeky moment for Dan was his victory in the 2005 New Yorker Cartoon Caption Contest, beating out 13,000 other entrants. He lives in Durham, NC. Click here for Dan Heath's book The Power of Moments: Why Certain Experiences Have Extraordinary Impact. Click here to learn more about the Heath Brothers.

What I Learned from Being Really at My Job This is part 6 in a short series where we’re learning why most guys stay stuck on some plateau in life and why a rare few are able to level up. This is all included in the Authority Group Coaching Program that starts in October. You can learn more by clicking here. One of the superpowers that doesn’t get talked about in personal or business development is humor. And if I’m talking to someone who tells me they want to level up their profession or relationships, I know they’re going to stay stuck if they can’t take a joke. I’m talking about the guys that believe they can’t have any fun until they’ve reached their goal. They’re rigid in their thinking which makes them fragile. They believe that if they have fun they’ll fall behind. Instead of having fun they spend their time being defensive or offended. These are the type of guys that get up on a beautiful Saturday morning to go play golf and feel like throwing their clubs in the lake. These guys are weakening themselves because they believe they need fear and high pressure in order to perform better. These guys live in a state of constant drain and deprivation. And sadly these guys are such buzzkills because most of them have attached their sense of self worth to the outcome of whatever they’re doing. In other words — they believe that if they lose this particular challenge then they themselves are a loser. Talk about thinking small. You Don't Have to Have a Stick Up Your Ass in Order to Do Your Best Work Then you have another set of guys who are able to get shit done and also bring a sense of play to their work. These are the guys that know how to make things seem more like a game. They’re willing to get over themselves and try different ideas. Because these guys are willing to experiment, they’re able to get out of their own way. They’re flexible and able to course correct quicker. Most importantly, having fun means that they’re able to recharge. They’re not going to be depleted because they’re not counting on the finish line to revitalize their energy. They have learned how to stay rejuvenated while they move forward. How I Almost Fell in to the No-Fun Trap A few years ago I realized I was starting to take stuff too seriously. I was hosting a popular podcast, talking about serious stuff, and coaching guys to make significant changes in their lives. And I was starting to feel like shit inside. I had started to tell myself that I had to be all zipped up and professional. I believed that if I joked around or had some fun that people wouldn’t take me seriously and I’d end up having to support my family by giving hand jobs in a Greyhound bus station bathroom. (No offense if that’s your idea of a cool career, but it wasn’t where I wanted to go.) So I decided I needed to stop being such a stick in the mud. I didn’t want to build a business that was so fragile that I couldn’t be myself. I didn’t want to feel drained because I was leaving my sense of humor and playfulness at the door. In fact, I wanted my business to get stronger because I was bringing my humor. So I came up with this idea to do a video for April Fool’s Day. The concept for the video was that my computer’s internal video camera had been hacked and I would be exposed as a terrible, awful coach. People would see that I was coaching guys like Brett Favre and Anthony Weiner to send private pics to women. They’d see that I was drinking Jack Daniels and watching adult entertainment while coaching clients thr...

How to Tell if a Guy is Going to Fail This is part 5 in a short series where we’re learning why most guys stay stuck on some plateau in life and why a rare few are able to level up. This is all included in the Authority Group Coaching Program that starts in October. You can learn more by clicking here. I don’t know if you’re like me, but it’s easy for me to get isolated. Even though I have thousands of so called “friends” on Facebook, and I have powerful conversations with people everyday, it’s still really hard to find the folks that can support and challenge me to be at my best. I’m not talking about a guy to just go have a beer with. I’m talking about a brother — someone who really has my back. I have to put in consistent effort and time to build and maintain these relationships. I know I’m not alone, but I find it amazing that some guys really think that they’re going to create their ideal profession and life all on their own. They really believe that they’re stronger by playing the lone wolf. And it’s easy to see how this mindset will doom a man to failure. How Do You Spot a Lone Wolf? I’m talking about the guy who: * May feel isolated or alone even though he already has a group of friends. * Is settling by choosing to hang around men who just complain and make excuses. Or he’s letting his energy be drained by hanging with guys that have no vision or drive to experience life fully. * Many times this guy is choosing to isolate himself because he wants to live in his own bubble where he feels safe. * He feels threatened by the successes of others. * This is the type of guy that believes the solutions to his challenges are all on him to figure out on his own. The world is on his shoulders so to speak. The Power of Having a Pack Now let’s look at the guy who is setting himself up for powerful growth: * He understands the value of being connected to other powerful men and women. And he knows he’s far more powerful when he’s got people supporting and challenging him. * He gets motivated by being around others who are creating and kicking ass in the world. * And he creates relationships based on shared values and interests. Instead of settling for convenience, he makes an effort to find folks that are a solid fit. How Living in a Bubble Was Making Me Weak For years I was making excuses and complaining about my life. I was really into personal development but not so much into practicing it. I lived in a secret little bubble where I was the only one I knew who was into personal development. I took a chance and went on a men’s retreat in Costa Rica. And on that retreat I was challenged to start a men’s group back in the small town where I lived. I thought this would be impossible. I was convinced no one would want to join me. I sacked up and started talking to the men I knew about joining a small men’s group. Some thought I was crazy, some just ignored me, and a few said “hell yes let’s do it.” Showing up to these meetings had a powerful effect. Within a very short period of time my life changed for the better. I stopped telling the same old stories. Because I knew the other guys were going to hold me accountable to the things I said I was going to do — I stopped making excuses and followed through. Deep down, I no longer felt alone in my desire to grow and create a great life. That was well over a decade ago, and since then I’ve participated in many groups and felt the empowerment that comes from being around other guys who were gutsy enough to stop settling and make positive changes in th...

Why Most Guys Stay Stuck in the Struggle This is part 4 in a short series where we’re learning why most guys stay stuck on some plateau in life and why a rare few are able to level up. This is all included in the Authority Group Coaching Program that starts in October. You can learn more by clicking here. Did you ever learn how to ride a bike? Before you learned, did it seem damn near impossible? How could it be possible that someone could ride down the street on two skinny-ass tires? And how was it possible that the weird kid from the next street over could ride without any hands on the handlebars? If you were like me you tried to learn to ride by starting on your own. One foot on the pedal. One on the ground. No momentum. Strain. Wobble. Fall. Repeat. Exhaustion. Frustration. Give up. This is what I see so many guys doing when they’re trying to make a big change in their profession or life. They put all of this effort to get going a tiny bit and then they stop. And by stopping they lose the most valuable part of the equation: momentum. That stopping and starting is what creates the exhaustion. It has us create a story that leveling up must be exponentially harder. After all, if we’re struggling this hard just to do a little bit, how could it possibly be any easier to do more? But if we remember the bike, we can see that momentum makes it easier to gain speed and eventually take your hands off of the bars. Momentum makes it easier to seemingly do the impossible. So what’s the key to building momentum? Consistency — that ability to stick with it. That ability to do a little bit everyday. When I’m talking to a guy who wants to level up his profession or relationship I can tell he’s going to fail if he only does things up until the point he doesn’t feel like doing them anymore. This guy will stay stuck if he allows his moods or feelings to keep him from doing what’s best for him. Are you an amateur or a pro? This approach is what the “amateur” or hobbyist does — he lets his current mood betray his deeper knowing that he wants to grow and expand what has him feel alive, free, and purposeful. This kills momentum and sets him up to fail time and time again. On the other end, the “pro” understands that getting started is sometimes the easy part. It’s staying in motion after the fun wears off that is more challenging. He expects the excitement to wear off and creates structures to keep him on track and accountable. He does what’s best for him whether he’s in the mood or not. To snap my clients out of this “amateur” mindset, I like to challenge them to literally take a professional approach — which means I ask them what they would do if they were being paid a ridiculous amount to make this particular change happen. You can see the shift in their faces when they realize they would stop dicking around and do whatever it takes to get it done. You can see that they would get bold, take the lead, ask for help, and most importantly take consistent action. This is just one of the reasons I created the Authority Coaching Group. My Authority Coaching Group is designed to help you build momentum through consistency. Each week members create agreements with the group and are held accountable to follow through. There’s no more “talking the big talk” without backing it up. The group is designed so that you’ll experience the ease that comes with momentum and the peace of mind that comes from knowing you’re going to get this thing done. There are only six total seats ava...