Trends in Low Places

The boys are back in action to chat drinking leagues, bad names for genitals, and the darkest secrets of our parents. Michael doesn’t trust our criminal jiu-jitsu system. Cush takes a trip among the stars and demands a Bill Clinton Animorph Experiment. We talk about being naked for maybe too long? - Drinking league aggression. [1:35] - No more front-bottoms and wee-wees. [7:40] - A time and place to be naked. [17:20] - Falconry, the sport of sexy presidents. [25:30] - Kill me, Jason Statham. [34:35] - Tim Gunn, deadliest man alive. [37:40] - Very bad things, RV-style. [44:40] - The price of infidelity. [54:20]

This week, the boys celebrate Ja Rule’s return to the public eye and mourn our lost opportunity to sell dumb stuff to Instagram kids. Cush delves into the great Shaved Cat Mystery of 2017. Michael breaks down a meaty feud between Portland strip clubs. We all yell about “woke” commercials. - The summer’s hottest jams. [3:00] - Fyre away! [8:45] - Fake Woke Brands [17:45] - Naked & Afraid: Honeymoon Edition [27:20] - Get paid, Barack. [34:25] - Trump parodies…but why? [38:00] - Shaved kitties and Dane Cook. [42:30] - Vegan Strip Club vs. Steakhouse Strip Club. [50:40] - Pee and Primanti Bros. [63:00]

This episode starts with Cush whiffing hard on pop culture and goes downhill from there. We investigate eels where the sun don’t shine, Michael tracks down the sickest beats on the planet, and Cush gets pretty worked up about British people. The boys talk a lot about butts, poop and murder. So... pretty standard episode. - Smart Cities and Soft Lumber. [2:00] - Eels in your bumbles. [6:00] - Home witchdoctor remedies. [12:30] - DJ Geriatric. [19:15] - Marsupeople. [25:20] - Big Parasite’s Tourism Play [29:05] - Fun with nuclear reactors. [33:50] - Y’all basic. [40:10] - Juicegate. [45:10] - Lock it up, Britain. [52:30] - Faux terrorism and just a real big damn dog. [57:40]

This week, the boys weigh the benefits of flying dildos. Michael wonders why Gwyneth Paltrow wants to shove bad things up vaginas, Mike relives tragic Easter memories, and we examine the darkness that lies in the hearts of men. No big deal. - Uranus. Hehehe. [3:35] - You’re a smart feller, I mean a fart smeller. [7:00] - Cards Against Humanity, the ultimate barometer of cool. [7:55] - Internet vigilantes, leave it to Liam Neesons. [10:00] - Dildo all the things. [13:10] - Easter grudges linger. [17:20] - Back on that grind(r). [22:00] - Looking for jade in all the wrong places. [28:12] - OK Google, give me an Angry Cyanide Whopper. [33:30] - Somehow a worse Donald Trump. [40:20]

We watched Fate of the Furious, and y'all...well, we weren't sober. Please enjoy this rowdy breakdown of the newest installment of the finest movie franchise of this, or any, generation. Alternative episode titles include: Diesel Team One, Mr. Diesel If You Nasty, and Punching You In the Dick All Day.

This week, the boys discover there’s such a thing as too much bacon. Cush introduces your favorite new phrase. Michael explores Canada’s strategic porn reserve. Our Shanghai field reporter issues her first communiqué, and it’s killer. Everyone gets a Bible lesson. - Sean Spicer’s Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Press Conference [2:40] - Choke artists unite. [6:50] - #JasonSegelEatMyFace [8:20] - Berenstain Bears and Too Much Bacon. [14:40] - Highly skilled Chinese labor. [22:01] - Tuna – it’s in your mouth. [26:30] - Breakup music. [34:15] - Preserving Canada’s rich cultural heritage. And sex comics. [40:00] - Crucifixion, you know for funsies! [46:40] - The next wave of Biblical edutainment. [53:40]

We finally pulled off a live show, and it’s a banger. We talk about crackheads, the restorative properties of Publix chicken tenders. Michael investigates the greatest heist of all time. Cush betrays a severe misunderstanding of science, which should not surprise long-time listeners. The boys advocate healthy pee habits. - Chicken tendies cure all ills. [1:45] - The Highway Collapse of Northern Aggression. [3:05] - #shotsfired [7:15] - The sweetest crime in history. [9:03] - The last action punchboy. [26:00] - Flapjack failures. [28:50] - The fanciest, dumbest fruits. [34:45] - What are you doing, Yahoo? Just what are you doing? [45:00] - The tricky side of male contraceptives. [47:20] - Hit me with that creamy filling. [56:50]

Reunited, and it feels so, so good. This week, the boys swap fishing stories, ponder the impact of bringing an Xbox to an orgy, and yell at a train. Cush tries to get to the bottom of a dirty story, Michael explores why NBA players go so crazy, and the boys ask if fake news is ever OK. But really, we talk about an orgy for a very long time. - Michael discovers the Big Chicken [3:15] - Red Lobster rules, and we won’t hear differently. [6:05] - Hometown orgy goes awry. [10:51] - Hey dudes, maybe just try being smarter and less shitty? [14:35] - Mind the gap between fake news stories. [25:35] - Shaquille O’Neal joins the Flat Earth Society. [34:40] - Buzz Aldrin punch club and the best nickname of all time. [40:15] - We continue our war on New Zealand. [45:25] - Bathroom cameras, but for weirder reasons than you think. [47:26] - Canada’s two-ply aggression intensifies. [53:50]

The boys recorded this one last week, so we called our shot on a March Madness champion - we both missed by a country mile. Cush introduces the least necessary movie reboot of all time, Michael waxes poetic on religion, and we both talk about Pornhub. Maybe too much? Highlights include: - The boys dunk on March Madness - PSA: Don't read and drive. - Gladiator II: Fightin' 'Round the World - We rank some Dans. - A Bible theme park adventure - now 100% less creepy. - Michael gets his wires crossed on the Moses and Jesus origin stories. - Breaking down the numbers on porn and dating.

Though half the duo was profoundly hungover, the boys turn in a real banger of an episode. Michael fixes healthcare, Cush takes a surprising stance on demonic possession, and What’s On Weibo makes a surprisingly non-sexy return. We celebrate the sacred tunes of Journey. Highlights include: - Mike and Michael make bad choices [1:35] - After All These Years, still Daylight Saving Time? [4:00] - When You Love an International Women's Day [10:50] - We go Separate Ways on demonic possession. [23:30] - Who’s Crying Now? (It’s Cush, playing a VR demon experience. [33:33] - Lovin’, Touchin’, Stabbin'. [33:40] - Steve Bannon's Seinfeld money. [40:05] - I’ll Be Alright With You, Chinese Police Robuts [41:50] - The Party’s Over, pandas suck now. [47:35] - Don’t Stop Bein’ Dumb, Canada [50:40] - Journey joke. [56:05]

This week, the boys discuss the merits of weaponizing the dang moon. Michael reveals what happens when sex technology goes too far, Cush teaches Michael a new word, and we explore some of the finest baby names this side of a trash pile. Highlights include: - Cush is full of pink goo. [1:45] - To the moon, Elon. [7:05] - It’s about ethics in space rocks, Michael. [13:25] - Wearable Technology in Low Places [15:50] - Teleconferencing, but with dildos. [26:41] - You’re dangerous, Mhavrych. [29:40] - Venture deep into the storied lineage of the Sweetmeat clan. [34:23] - How far would you go for a doctor’s note? [40:22] - Looking for love in all the pun places. [48:45] - DJ Pauly D doesn’t respect contracts. [56:50]

Ostensibly the hosts of a show about current events, the boys forget to talk about anything current or relevant. Cush struggles to accept a world in which a live-action Cinderella movie exists. Michael uncovers gnome-based meth economies, and we chat for far too long about alcoholic malt beverages. Better step back, friend – this is New Kids on the Block turf. Highlights include: - Where carb bonanzas are a pleasure [1:00] - 2017 gets into the murder business [2:15] - The Cushing family’s dark history with While You Were Sleeping [7:20] - The boys throw an #AaronsParty [11:05] - Cinderella’s gaslight ball [19:55] - What’s up with all these 90s, though? [24:41] - The Smirnoff ISIS Counterinsurgency [32:35] - Crank: High Gnomage [37:27] - The worst party bus in history [47:50] - Master-Pieces of Pig Theater [53:30]

Welcome to the episode so nice, we recorded it twice. This week, we delve deep into the secret history of the world (spoiler alert: everything is fake and nothing matters). Michael introduces us to a man of utmost conviction and infinite misfortune. Cush discovers his dumb brain is full of dumb movie quotes. We explore the most ineffective corporate training of all time. Highlights include: - Turns out George Washington can tell a lie. [3:40] - You know what else is a lie? Turns out, all of history. [6:15] - The NBA All-Star Game, not just for sick dunks anymore. [17:20] - World’s Funniest Home Accidental Assassinations [21:50] - Hey. Japan. Can you slow it down on the game shows, please? [26:50] - Some monkeys play nice. Some rip your face off. [38:00] - Rabies? In my brain? It’s more likely than you think. [48:05] - The corruption of American youth, one lifelike doll at a time. [52:45] - I’ll take “Alex Trebek spits mad fire.” for 600. [60:30]

We just watched John Wick Chapter 2, and felt it deserved its own episode. The boys examine John Wick's good, good murder, his thirst for vengeance, and celebrate that his dog survived until the end. Also, a dick may or may not have been chopped clean off. This has been Trends in John Wick Places, with your hosts John Wick and John Wick, with special guest, John Wick. 

Love is in the air, and this Valentine’s Days the boys whipped up one hell of a horny episode. The boys explore alternative condom applications, Cush recounts his limited sexual education, and Michael draws a hard line on poop pranks. We take our first radical steps down the Noble Eightfold Path. - I left my heart (and shoes) in N’yaaahlins. - Condoms on your head. No, the other head. - Male birth control, yes please. - Sage fatherly advice. - The greatest generation wreckin’ fools. - We find poop in all the wrong places. - High on donuts. - TechnoBuddha drops that beat.