Smalley Marriage Radio

One of the best reviewed romance novels to come out in a long time, The Dance, is finally on bookshelves nation wide! I interview my father, Gary Smalley, and fiction writer Dan Walsh on their new book. Find out what fiction can teach your relationship. Book excerpt: Jim Anderson is a successful businessman, and his wife, Marilyn, is the perfect wife. And why wouldn't she be? He gives her everything she needs. That's why Jim never expected to come home one day and find Marilyn gone. After 27 years of marriage, Marilyn has had enough of feeling unloved and neglected. She wants to experience some measure of happiness before she's too old to enjoy it, even signing up for dance lessons, something Jim would never do. What will it take for Jim to finally become the man Marilyn needs him to be? Combining the literary talents of bestselling author Dan Walsh and the relationship expertise of bestselling author Gary Smalley, The Dance is the first novel in The Restoration Series. Readers will get caught up in these flawed but sincere members of the Anderson family as they rediscover genuine love and start a transformation that ultimately affects all of them. _______________ And by the way, if you haven’t left a review yet in iTunes, don’t be shy, it’s easy to do and it really lets me know you’re listening (as a thank you, after your review is submitted, I'll send you a special free gift). FEATURED RESOURCE

Getting a second chance at love is a great thing, but blending two families together brings a whole new set of challenges to a relationship. Author and speaker, Ron Deal, helps us navigate these tricky waters as step-parents learn to smooth out the rough edges and create the best environment for their blended families. And by the way, if you haven’t left a review yet in iTunes, don’t be shy, it’s easy to do and it really lets me know you’re listening (as a thank you, after your review is submitted, I'll send you a special free gift).

What happens when a friend, spouse, or even you, make a mistake, maybe a big one, and you have to rebuild a relationship? Where do you even start the rebuilding process? Is it even possible? Greg and Susie discuss moving on, staying focused and finding hope in second chances, and Chuck Limbrick joins the conversation with a story of redemption after hitting rock bottom. And by the way, if you haven’t left a review yet in iTunes, don’t be shy, it’s easy to do and it really lets me know you’re listening (as a thank you, after your review is submitted, I'll send you a special free gift).

This is the inaugural show of Everyday Relationships with Dr. Greg Smalley brought to you by Focus on the Family! Do you ever feel like you’re living in an episode of Everybody Loves Raymond? You know, one spouse just can’t seem to break away from their parents. Of course, it’s funny on TV, but in real life, it may be causing some not-so-funny effects. Greg’s wife, Erin, joins the show as we talk about how to leave and cleave.

In today’s show you will....discover what the culprit in a relationship is that leads to an 80% divorce rate for couples who have this “thing” in their marriage. SPECIAL OFFER And by the way, if you haven’t left a review yet in iTunes, don’t be shy, it’s easy to do and it really lets me know you’re listening (as a thank you, after your review is submitted, I'll send you a special free gift). Show Notes Become successful at being married and having a child with developmental or physical disabilities. Put your marriage first Allow yourself the ability to have a good marriage by loving your kids, but don’t make their special needs the focus of your family Get your kids involved in programs, school, camp, community, church Be okay with giving their child autonomy Even with their special needs, God has a plan for them! The inspirational story of Steven Mars. To get more information about Camp Barnabas, please visit campbarnabas.org and for more about their education/vocation school check out barnabasprep.com FEATURED RESOURCE

In today’s show you will....discover what it means to be different than each other and how to get along, even though you have differences.  We also take on audience questions in this classic Smalley broadcast show. SPECIAL OFFER The Marriage Pack $89 - 2 DVD’s and 4 Books! And by the way, if you haven’t left a review yet in iTunes, don’t be shy, it’s easy to do and it really lets me know you’re listening (as a thank you, after your review is submitted, I'll send you a special free gift). FEATURED RESOURCE

Okay guys, this one's for you! It's not as complicated as you might think to hit a home run on Valentine's Day... And by the way, if you haven’t left a review yet in iTunes, don’t be shy, it’s easy to do and it really lets me know you’re listening (and other’s too). IF YOUR MARRIAGE NEEDS HELP PLEASE CALL US AT 800-975-8748 TO HEAR HOW THE SMALLEY INTENSIVE PROGRAM CAN HELP YOU TODAY! FEATURED RESOURCE

In today’s show you will....discover the 2 worst ways you can respond to conflict and how to eliminate them from your relationship. SPECIAL OFFER And by the way, if you haven’t left a review yet in iTunes, don’t be shy, it’s easy to do and it really lets me know you’re listening (and other’s too). Show Notes Five Biggest Mistakes People Make in Relationships Last show were... 1. Poor Communication (not listening by reloading) Solution: Listen, understand, validate and empathize Listen and hear my voice; pay attention and hear what I say. (Is. 28:23) 2. Poor self-care…you end up empty and exhausted Solution: Emotional, spiritual, physical and mental self-care But Jesus often withdrew to lonely places and prayed. (Luke 5:16) 3. Developing Negative Beliefs Solution: give each other the benefit of the doubt Love never gives up, never loses faith, is always hopeful, and endures through every circumstance. (1 Corinthians 13:7, NLT) “To see the best in others…” This does not mean that love is gullible, but that it does not think the worst (as is the way of the world). It retains its faith. Love is not deceived . . . but it is always ready to give the benefit of the doubt. 4. Trying to change each other Solution: Stop resenting the things that first attracted you to your partner (value the differences) For this very reason, Christ died and returned to life so that he might be the Lord of both the dead and the living. You, then, why do you judge your brother? Or why do you look down on your brother? For we will all stand before God’s judgment seat. It is written: “‘As I live,’ says the Lord, ‘Every knee will bow before me; every tongue will confess to God.’” So then, each of us will give an account of himself to God. {Rom 14:9-12 NIV} Today's show... 5. Avoiding conflict or poorly managing conflict (escalation, withdrawing) Solution: realize the value of conflict, time-out “An offended friend is harder to win back than a fortified city. Arguments separate friends like a gate locked with bars” (Prov 18:19). ARTIST HIGHLIGHT Matt Brouwer – Where's Our Revolution – Click here to view on iTunes BROUGHT TO YOU BY SMALLEY CENTER - IF YOUR RELATIONSHIP IS ON LIFE SUPPORT, GIVE US A CALL AT 800-975-8748.

In today’s show you will.... We've landed on the 4th mistake (out of 5) people make in their relationships...trying to change each other. SPECIAL OFFER The Marriage Pack $89 - 2 DVD’s and 4 Books! And by the way, if you haven’t left a review yet in iTunes, don’t be shy, it’s easy to do and it really lets me know you’re listening (as a thank you, after your review is submitted, I'll send you a special free gift). FEATURED RESOURCE NOTES Five Biggest Mistakes People Make in Relationships Last show was... 1. Poor Communication (not listening by reloading) Solution: Listen, understand, validate and empathize Listen and hear my voice; pay attention and hear what I say. (Is. 28:23) 2. Poor self-care…you end up empty and exhausted Solution: Emotional, spiritual, physical and mental self-care But Jesus often withdrew to lonely places and prayed. (Luke 5:16) 3. Developing Negative Beliefs Solution: give each other the benefit of the doubt Love never gives up, never loses faith, is always hopeful, and endures through every circumstance. (1 Corinthians 13:7, NLT) “To see the best in others…” This does not mean that love is gullible, but that it does not think the worst (as is the way of the world). It retains its faith. Love is not deceived . . . but it is always ready to give the benefit of the doubt. Today is... 4. Trying to change each other Solution: Stop resenting the things that first attracted you to your partner (value the differences) For this very reason, Christ died and returned to life so that he might be the Lord of both the dead and the living. You, then, why do you judge your brother? Or why do you look down on your brother? For we will all stand before God’s judgment seat. It is written: “‘As I live,’ says the Lord, ‘Every knee will bow before me; every tongue will confess to God.’” So then, each of us will give an account of himself to God. {Rom 14:9-12 NIV} NEXT WEEK IS...Avoiding conflict or poorly managing conflict (escalation, withdrawing)

In today’s show you will.... We've landed on the 3rd mistake (out of 5) people make in their relationships...negative beliefs. SPECIAL OFFER The Marriage Pack $89 - 2 DVD’s and 4 Books! And by the way, if you haven’t left a review yet in iTunes, don’t be shy, it’s easy to do and it really lets me know you’re listening (as a thank you, after your review is submitted, I'll send you a special free gift). FEATURED RESOURCE NOTES Today is... 3. Developing Negative Beliefs Solution: give each other the benefit of the doubt Love never gives up, never loses faith, is always hopeful, and endures through every circumstance. (1 Corinthians 13:7, NLT) “To see the best in others…” This does not mean that love is gullible, but that it does not think the worst (as is the way of the world). It retains its faith. Love is not deceived . . . but it is always ready to give the benefit of the doubt. 4. Trying to change each other ARTIST HIGHLIGHT Matt Brouwer – Where's Our Revolution – Click here to view on iTunes BROUGHT TO YOU BY SMALLEY CENTER - IF YOUR RELATIONSHIP IS ON LIFE SUPPORT, GIVE US A CALL AT 800-975-8748.

In today’s show you will.... learn what the five biggest mistakes people make in any relationship are, and how to defeat them! SPECIAL OFFER The Marriage Pack $89 - 2 DVD’s and 4 Books! And by the way, if you haven’t left a review yet in iTunes, don’t be shy, it’s easy to do and it really lets me know you’re listening (as a thank you, after your review is submitted, I'll send you a special free gift). FEATURED RESOURCE NOTES Five Biggest Mistakes People Make in Relationships Last show was on #1 - Poor Communication (not listening by reloading) and the solution... Listen, understand, validate and empathize Listen and hear my voice; pay attention and hear what I say. (Is. 28:23) Today is... 2. Poor self-care…you end up empty and exhausted Solution: Emotional, spiritual, physical and mental self-care But Jesus often withdrew to lonely places and prayed. (Luke 5:16) The next show is... 3. Developing Negative Beliefs...this is the silent killer! ARTIST HIGHLIGHT Matt Brouwer – Where's Our Revolution – Click here to view on iTunes BROUGHT TO YOU BY SMALLEY CENTER - IF YOUR RELATIONSHIP IS ON LIFE SUPPORT, GIVE US A CALL AT 800-975-8748.

In today’s show you will.... learn what the five biggest mistakes people make in any relationship are, and how to defeat them! SPECIAL OFFER The Marriage Pack $89 - 2 DVD’s and 4 Books! And by the way, if you haven’t left a review yet in iTunes, don’t be shy, it’s easy to do and it really lets me know you’re listening (as a thank you, after your review is submitted, I'll send you a special free gift). FEATURED RESOURCE NOTES Five Biggest Mistakes People Make in Relationships 1. Poor Communication (not listening by reloading) Solution: Listen, understand, validate and empathize Listen and hear my voice; pay attention and hear what I say. (Is. 28:23) 2. Poor self-care…you end up empty and exhausted Solution...you'll have to tune in next episode for the solution! ARTIST HIGHLIGHT Matt Brouwer – Where's Our Revolution – Click here to view on iTunes BROUGHT TO YOU BY SMALLEY CENTER - IF YOUR RELATIONSHIP IS ON LIFE SUPPORT, GIVE US A CALL AT 800-975-8748.

I'm open and honest about my biggest struggles in 2012 and what God did to change them (and me). Learn what I did to get out of a 17-year addiction to food and apply this to any area of your life. SPECIAL OFFER The Marriage Pack $89 - 2 DVD’s and 4 Books! And by the way, if you haven’t left a review yet in iTunes, don’t be shy, it’s easy to do and it really lets me know you’re listening (as a thank you, after your review is submitted, I'll send you a special free gift). FEATURED RESOURCE NOTES Learn ARTIST HIGHLIGHT Matt Brouwer – Where's Our Revolution – Click here to view on iTunes BROUGHT TO YOU BY SMALLEY CENTER - IF YOUR RELATIONSHIP IS ON LIFE SUPPORT, GIVE US A CALL AT 800-975-8748.

Go in depth on the Otter / Lion retriever combination marriage or relationship. What are the strengths, key conflict areas and key things to focus on to make sure you’re the best relationship possible. SPECIAL OFFER The Marriage Pack $89 - 2 DVD’s and 4 Books! And by the way, if you haven’t left a review yet in iTunes, don’t be shy, it’s easy to do and it really lets me know you’re listening (as a thank you, after your review is submitted, I'll send you a special free gift). FEATURED RESOURCE ARTIST HIGHLIGHT Matt Brouwer – Where's Our Revolution – Click here to view on iTunes KEY STRENGTHS A Lion married to a Otter can be a truly fun dynamic for a marriage. Lots of energy Go for broke kind of marriage and attitude toward life You can conquer the world You’ve got lots of energy both on the fun-side of life (from the Otter) and on the accomplishment-side of life (from the Lion). The two of you can utilize each other’s go-for-broke attitude to accomplish things both in your marriage, with your kids, and in your community. The two of you together can truly conquer the world. You can be fearless and comfortable with taking risks because you are both on the risk-side of the personality scale. KEY CONFLICTS Neither are very good at listening Otters don’t want to be controlled Feel out of control for the Lion Otter won’t respond to harshness The areas where you will want to watch out for is in how you communicate with each other. Unfortunately, neither of you are the best listeners. If you remember your individual personality profiles, you can both be one-way listeners. The Lion...because you are focused on solutions or building your own argument. The Otter...because you are simply distracted or bored with the conversation. You two need to be more deliberate about listening to each other and not getting caught up in trying to change who your spouse is. The Lion is going to want to say, “Be more reliable” and the Otter is going to say, “But you married me...for me!” Your two personality styles are different enough, you are going to struggle trying to change each other to be more like yourself. This is not going to send a message of unity or understanding. To the Lion, remember that your Otter spouse is not going to respond to harshness or criticism like you do. Be positive and high energy when dealing with your Otter. To the Otter, try and take it easy with all the unfocused energy. Your Lion spouse likes change, but change that is purposeful and strategic. THINGS TO FOCUS ON Know your buttons Learn to validate Set good boundaries with each other Do not skim over lesson 3 on Buttons. The two of you can really push each other’s buttons and get cranking on the Button Dance. You also want to get good at validating each other and setting up healthy boundaries that can respect your differences. BROUGHT TO YOU BY SMALLEY CENTER - IF YOUR RELATIONSHIP IS ON LIFE SUPPORT, GIVE US A CALL AT 800-975-8748.

This is one of the more common marriages we’ve found through our own research. Lions love Golden Retrievers and Golden Retrievers love Lions! You two fit together well, because your strengths as individuals compliment each other well. The Lion has finally found someone who likes to listen to them and also compliant and easy to get along with. The Golden Retriever has found someone with strength and focus, which makes them feel safe and protected. You can bring a great balance of the hard side of love (like confrontation) by the Lion and the soft-side of love (like hugs and kind words) from the Golden Retriever. You both can teach the other, and quite naturally, how to be a better balanced person. You compliment each other in that way. The Lion can learn how to be more soft and the Golden Retriever more confrontational. KEY CONFLICT AREAS Where the two of you are going to get in to trouble is by the Lion bull-dozing over the Golden Retriever’s feelings or needs. Because the Lion is so strong, the Golden Retriever might allow him or herself to be controlled or dominated. The Lion can feel unsafe because the Golden Retriever will struggle being honest about hurt feelings. This can lead to a real disconnect between the two of you. The Lion is going to be often received as “too harsh” where the Golden Retriever will be perceived as “too wimpy”. Because the two of you are on opposite sides of the personality ship, it will be a challenge to allow your spouse to be authentic to their personality. You will want to change each other, probably more from the Lion wanting the Golden Retriever to toughen up, but the Golden Retriever will often shut down and think about the same thing. The Golden Retriever, when married to a Lion, does need to add toughness and an ability to confront and be honest with negative emotions. The Lion better learn how to approach the Golden Retriever without bullying or dominating through intimidation. WHAT TO FOCUS ON Simple Conflict Resolution will be great for the two of you in lesson 7. This will give rules for the two of you to follow that end up honoring each other’s differences. The Lion will learn how to approach more softly, so the Golden Retriever can feel safe. The Golden Retriever is going to learn how to actually confront the Lion, and stand up for the relationship instead of shutting down. And by the way, if you haven’t left a review yet in iTunes, don’t be shy, it’s easy to do and it really lets me know you’re listening (as a thank you, after your review is submitted, I'll send you a special free gift). FEATURED RESOURCE ARTIST HIGHLIGHT FOURTEEN40 – Lucky Number 13 – Click here to view on iTunes