The Lefkoe Institute

(http://www.mortylefkoe.com/wp-content/uploads/marty_lefkoe_headshots_053_2-01_edit_235-150x150.jpg)My post today is about “distinctions.” And why should you care about distinctions? Because most of the problems in your life today exist because of dis...

(http://www.mortylefkoe.com/wp-content/uploads/marty_lefkoe_headshots_053_2-01_edit_235-150x150.jpg)If you are a reader of my weekly blog, you probably are interested primarily in * personal/spiritual growth, by which I mean improving the quality of your life and/or becoming more spiritual, * achieving more success, by which I mean earning more money or having an abundance of wealth in your life. Negative, limiting beliefs are a barrier to both goals, but I usually tend to write more about the first goal.  Today I want to focus more on the second one. (http://www.mortylefkoe.com/wp-content/uploads/bigstock_Money_5164563-150x150.jpg)Over the weekend I read a book by Joe Vitale, a friend of mine and one of the people I love spending time with at our twice-a-year Transformational Leadership Council meetings.  Because he has written a lot about the Law of Attraction and was one of the teachers in The Secret, I expected his book, Attract Money Now, to focus mainly on how to attract money merely by having positive emotions about abundance. As I’ve written before, I think there is something to the Law of Attraction, but I don’t think that merely focusing on something, with emotion, is enough to have it show up in your life. So I was pleasantly surprised.  I not only enjoyed reading the short (160 pages) book, I think it just might be the best book I’ve ever read on exactly what you need to do to create abundance in your life. The first step is getting rid of negative, limiting beliefs As you might imagine, if I liked the book so much Joe must talk of the importance of beliefs, which he does. The first of the seven steps to financial abundance that he describes is “Alter How You Think.”  He writes, “Limiting beliefs are like thieves in the night.  The first step to attracting money is to change your thoughts and address these underlying limiting beliefs.” (Emphasis added.) Although he doesn’t mention the Lefkoe Belief Process in that chapter, he does list my work as a reference in the back of the book. By the way, one of the reasons we no longer promote a package of abundance beliefs is that getting rid of limiting beliefs is necessary, but not sufficient, to achieving abundance in your life. We like to guarantee results and we couldn’t guarantee that you would increase your wealth merely by eliminating the five beliefs in the package, so we withdrew it.  We now provide it only on request and after explaining that it doesn’t carry a guarantee like our other automated programs. Joe also recognizes that eliminating beliefs is not enough, so he presents six other crucial steps. One of these other steps explains that one way to change your mindset about money is to give without any expectation of return.  Such action implies a mindset of abundance.  Being afraid to give implies a mindset of scarcity.  And your mindset is crucial to achieving financial abundance. In Step 4 Joe points out the importance of asking for help, both from the universe and from specific people.  He urges people to form or join a Mastermind Group, which is a group of several people with varying backgrounds who meet regularly to support each other.  In fact, he was so convincing that I decided that I would either join one or form one of my own by the end of this month. Why “adding” emotion to your images of the future is important The way he described another one of the steps gave me an insight I had never had before.  He, like so many others, talks about the importance of imagining the desired result and making it as emotionally real as possible.  When others have told me this before, it sounded a little “airy fairy” and I couldn’t see why adding emotion to a vision would help make it come true. But Joe makes the point that “You are telling your mind to pay attention to the avenues and opportunities that will help you meet these goals.  Does this mean these opportunities don’t exist. No.

(http://www.mortylefkoe.com/wp-content/uploads/marty_lefkoe_headshots_053_2-01_edit_235-150x150.jpg)Perhaps the single most common question I get from people who are using the Lefkoe Belief Process to eliminate beliefs is: “Why do you say that all of our self-esteem beliefs were formed in early interactions with our parents?  I had great parents.  My beliefs about myself weren’t formed until later in life.” I wrote a post last year explaining why parents are almost always the source of our self-esteem beliefs. http://www.mortylefkoe.com/031610/ (http://www.mortylefkoe.com/031610/).  But there are additional reasons why people might think their parents’ behavior has nothing to do with their beliefs that I didn’t cover in that post. (http://www.mortylefkoe.com/wp-content/uploads/bigstock_family_of_four_sunset_762892-300x225.jpg)To begin with, the beliefs you form in childhood as a result of interactions with your parents are not always the result of “bad” or abusive behavior.  Negative self-esteem beliefs can be formed just as easily when parents withdraw from their children as when they yell at or punish their children.  And withdrawing is not as obviously “bad” as punishment. Other parental behavior that causes negative self-esteem beliefs is anything that results in you feeling guilty—because you think you’ve treated your parents badly.  What type of person must you be to treat your parents badly? …  I’m not good enough. I’m bad.  I’m not deserving. Imagine that you don’t do what your parents want you to do and their response makes you feel guilty, because they do so many wonderful things for you and you won’t do what they want you to do for them.  If you then get yelled at, spanked, or punished, you might well experience your parents’ behavior as appropriate—not as “negative behavior.” I remember one client who told me early on that his parents were wonderful people who never did anything that could have led to negative beliefs.  Shortly afterwards he mentioned that he was spanked on a regular basis.  When I said that the spanking might well have been the source of several of his beliefs, he protested and replied: “But I was bad.  I deserved to be spanked. My parents didn’t do anything wrong.” In cultures where parents aren’t around a lot, where fathers have little to do with child rearing, where physical punishment is common, and where comparisons with others and negative criticism are the norm, you might well think that your childhood was “normal,” and could not possibly be the source of negative beliefs. Although your childhood might have been “typical,” it certainly was not “normal.” To learn several other reasons why 99% of our self-esteem beliefs are formed in childhood as a result of interactions with our parents, see my earlier blog post if you haven’t already read it.  And if you are a parent, read it again to learn what not to do to keep your children from forming the negative beliefs you probably formed in your childhood.  http://www.mortylefkoe.com/031610/ (http://www.mortylefkoe.com/031610/). I’d love to hear from you with your thoughts about the source of your beliefs. Please write your comments below. For information about Shelly Lefkoe’s excellent course on parenting, which is based upon her 20 years of experience as a Certified Lefkoe Method Facilitator, and that helps parents raise children with a minimum of negative limiting beliefs, please go to: http://parentingthelefkoeway.com (http://parentingthelefkoeway.com). If you haven’t yet eliminated at least one of your limiting self-esteem beliefs using the Lefkoe Belief Process, go to htp://www.recreateyourlife.com/free (http://recreateyourlife.com/free) where you can eliminate one negative belief free. For information about eliminating 23 of the most common limiting beliefs and conditionings, which cause eight of the most common problems in our lives, please check out: http://recreateyourlife.

(http://www.mortylefkoe.com/wp-content/uploads/marty_lefkoe_headshots_053_2-01_edit_235-150x150.jpg)For most of my life I didn’t want to be me.  I was so unhappy with my life that being almost anyone else would have been preferable to being me.  For many years I wanted to be Fred Astaire, because I loved the joyful, bright sense of life he projected, an experience that I rarely felt. Today is my birthday and I am 74 years young.  I feel and look at least a decade younger than my chronological age.  And today I am happy to be me and wouldn’t consider being anyone else. What is the source of this dramatic shift? Getting rid of all the beliefs and conditionings that led me to be depressed and unhappy most of the time.  And then learning how to stop giving meaning to the daily events in my life.  Today I experience myself as the creator of my life almost all the time and I’ve stopped giving meaning to events most of the time, which has almost totally eliminated stress from my life.  I’ve stopped seeking; I know I’m already there.  I feel anything is possible and that I have no limitations.  I experience virtually all my circumstances as okay just the way they are. Why am sharing this with you? Because what I did to reach this state is available to you too.  Anyone (including you, yes, even you!) can experience a sense of wholeness, feeling totally okay with the way you are, and that you are the creator of your life.  It doesn’t have to take a lot of time and it isn’t very expensive. Please don’t give up your dream of a life of joy and success.  I was about as low as you can get and I’ve now reached a state of total satisfaction with my life.  You can too.  Don’t wait until your 74th birthday to be truly happy with your life. I’d love to hear from you with your thoughts about overcoming all your barriers and living a life of true bliss.  Please write your comments below. If you haven’t yet eliminated at least one of your limiting self-esteem beliefs using the Lefkoe Belief Process, go to htp://www.recreateyourlife.com/free (http://recreateyourlife.com/free) where you can eliminate one negative belief free. For information about eliminating 23 of the most common limiting beliefs and conditionings, which cause eight of the most common problems in our lives, please check out: http://recreateyourlife.com/naturalconfidence (http://recreateyourlife.com/naturalconfidence). These weekly blog posts also exist as podcasts.  Sign up for the RSS feed or at iTunes to get the podcasts sent to you weekly.   Copyright © 2011 Morty Lefkoe

(http://www.mortylefkoe.com/wp-content/uploads/marty_lefkoe_headshots_053_2-01_edit_235-150x150.jpg)Are you bothered by a psychological problem that you aren’t even trying to get rid of because you think it’s “human nature” and can’t be eliminated?  If so, you aren’t alone. For example, Seth Godin recently published his 13th book, Poke the Box, that explains most people’s failure to take action by claiming that people have to overcome their natural resistance in order to take action. His Domino Project also published a book by Steve Pressfield, Do the Work, that also emphasized how resistance is the single biggest barrier to creativity and innovation, and it includes tips on how to fight this demon that lurks within each of us. (http://www.mortylefkoe.com/wp-content/uploads/bigstock_Danger_Sign_4802988-300x210.jpg)There are a number of psychological traits that are so common that most people consider them to be inherent in human beings. Don’t all people experience: * resistance to change? * fear of making a mistake or failing? * fear of rejection? * a concern with the opinion of others? * anger if you don’t get your way? It is understandable that few people seek help to deal with these feelings.  So many people have them that they are considered to be part of being human.  In fact, however, they are not inherent in human nature at all.  All these psychological responses are the result of beliefs and conditioning formed early in our lives.  Thus, all can be totally eliminated when the relevant beliefs and conditionings are eliminated. The beliefs and conditionings that cause these psychological responses First let me list some of the beliefs and conditionings that cause the psychological responses listed above; then I’ll explain why they are so common as to be considered “human nature.” * I’m not good enough. * I’m inadequate. * I’m not capable. * I’m not competent. * Nothing I do is good enough. * Mistakes and failure are bad. * If I make a mistake I’ll be rejected. * What makes me good enough and important is having others think well of me. * What makes me good enough and important is doing things perfectly. * I’m powerless. * I can’t make it on my own. * The way to be in control is to have things be exactly the way I want them to be. In addition to these beliefs, many people have been conditioned to feel some level of fear * whenever they are rejected, * when they don’t live up to the expectations of others, or * when they are criticized or judged. These conditionings also contribute to the common psychological responses listed above. Imagine someone to have these beliefs and to experience fear whenever these three situations occur.  Doesn’t it seem obvious that they probably would have some if not all of the psychological traits listed above?  Now imagine that tens of millions of people had these beliefs and conditionings.  Wouldn’t it seem reasonable to assume that everyone was just born with them? The source of these beliefs and conditionings Now let’s take a look at why these psychological responses (and the beliefs and conditionings that cause them) are so common. The basic beliefs that underlie these common psychological traits were almost always formed in childhood, in our interactions with our parents.  Here’s how it happens. As little kids we are always asking “why?”.  Sometimes we ask our parents to explain things to us, and sometimes we ask ourselves, “Why am I being treated like this?  Why is my life like this?”  We answer these questions for ourselves (unconsciously) during the first few years of life.  Because our parents are the people who we spend most of our waking hours with, they are involved in most of the experiences that lead to our fundamental beliefs. And what are those experiences in most households? Parents, being adults, generally like quiet; children are not quiet and cannot even understand why anyone would value quiet.

(http://www.mortylefkoe.com/wp-content/uploads/marty_lefkoe_headshots_053_2-01_edit_235-150x150.jpg)Just as we in 21st Century America look back at cultural practices of years gone by with a combination of repulsion and amazement, future generations probably will look back at the prejudice that runs rampant in the world today with similar reactions. Just as it is almost impossible for us to understand the Roman thinking that feeding people to lions is a spectator sport, in a few years people will try to understand why millions of otherwise sane individuals would consider some people “less than” others because of the color of their skin, their ethnicity, or their sexual preference. (http://www.mortylefkoe.com/wp-content/uploads/bigstock_Discrimination_Creative_Concep_cropped-300x187.jpg)Rather than wait for future generations to try to figure out what made the widespread prejudice possible in the early days of the 21st century, let me offer one possible explanation while we are living in the middle of it. All attitudes are the result of beliefs Because our beliefs are the primary determinant of what we do and feel, and even what we perceive, all prejudice can be traced to beliefs. People who are convinced that African-Americans, or Muslims, or gays are not as good as them (usually white heterosexual Americans) are expressing their beliefs about those people.   (Actually, many people in those groups have similar feelings about white heterosexual Americans.) A belief is a statement about reality that we experience as the truth.  It is a fact about reality for the person who holds the belief. So when we hold a belief about something, we are convinced that we know the truth about that something. But, in fact, no belief describes the truth about reality.  Without exception, all beliefs are nothing more than arbitrary interpretations of actual events in reality. Physical objects and events certainly occur in the world, but the meaning we give the events exists only in our minds, not in the world. How prejudicial beliefs are formed A few years ago Leeza Gibbons devoted the entire hour of her daytime talk show to an investigation of the causes and cures for prejudice.  I had been on the show before talking about how beliefs cause most of our thoughts, feelings, and behavior, so she asked me to come back to discuss the relationship between beliefs and racial prejudice. Before the show we went into the audience looking for a volunteer who would acknowledge having prejudice and who also would like to get rid of it if possible.  We found Chad, a young man in his mid-20s, who said that he was “prejudice against any ethnic group, the way they act and the things that they do.”  After getting rid the primary belief that caused that feeling before the show started, he announced during the show to a nationwide audience that the feeling he had when he started, he didn’t have any more. Let me tell you about the conversation I had with Chad before the Leeza show went on the air. When we started the conversation he had told me that he felt that members of ethnic minorities, especially African-Americans, couldn’t be trusted.  So I asked him: “What do you believe about these people that would have you not trust them?” He answered: “Blacks are dangerous.”  (He used the word “Blacks”; I used the word “African-American.” Moreover, there probably were additional beliefs, but this was one the most relevant.) I replied: “It’s clear that anyone with your belief would feel the way you do.  But you didn’t have that belief when you were a year or so old.  What happened that led you to that conclusion?” “When I was 10 my dad took us to the gun cabinet and said we had his permission to kill a Black if he stepped on our property.  Areas where Blacks lived were very dangerous—a lot of crime and killing. The news was full of it.  Most of our friends had the same negative attitudes about Blacks.

(http://www.mortylefkoe.com/wp-content/uploads/marty_lefkoe_headshots_053_2-01_edit_235-150x150.jpg)One of the most devastating problems people have is so common that nearly everybody views it as “human nature.”  Few people even try to get rid of the problem because they assume everyone has it; it’s part of the “human condition.” What is this problem?  Worrying about what others think and doing things just to get people’s approval. How you know if you have the problem (http://www.mortylefkoe.com/wp-content/uploads/bigstock_Female_Caucasia_Employee_Bitin_4383623B.jpg)How do you know if you are one of the tens of millions of people who have this problem? Do you often walk away from people thinking, “Did I say the right thing”; did I offend someone”; “should I have said or asked …”? Do you frequently hear that “little voice” in your head saying: “What will they think?”? Do you often feel you need to be a certain way and you can’t just be yourself? Although these thoughts and behaviors seem to be a much a part of who we are, in fact, however, you can eradicate these thoughts and behaviors forever. How?  By eliminating the beliefs that cause them.  Although this problem can be caused by different beliefs in different people, there is one specific belief that anyone with this problem almost certainly has: “What makes me good enough is having people think well of me.” How this belief is formed and why it is so common Today, I’m going to tell you how this belief is formed, why so many people have it (maybe even you) and how getting rid of this belief will transform your life. Early in life many of us form negative beliefs about ourselves like “I’m not good enough.”  (Almost every one of the 14,000 clients we’ve had from almost 60 countries around the world has had this belief.) Because most parents expect children to do things that are unrealistic for their age (such as be neat and quiet and come when called at the age of three or four), and because most parents get frustrated, annoyed or angry when their children don’t do what they’re told, most children conclude “there must be something wrong with me” when mom and dad are upset with me so often, or I’m not good enough. Because our beliefs about ourselves are usually formed during the first six years of life, most of us already have this belief when we leave our homes and go out into the world of teachers, other kids, school, etc.  Obviously a belief like this would make us think as we start school: “How will I get people to like me and how will I make it in the world if I’m not good enough?” And those thoughts, in turn, would lead to us feeling “not okay” about ourselves and anxious to some extent. The belief gets formed And then one day a solution appears.  We do something that our parents (or perhaps a teacher or coach) like and they give us a very positive response.  How does that make us feel?  Happy and very good about ourselves. The first few times that happens we feel good but don’t make anything of it.  And then after this progression of events occurs a few times we conclude: If I didn’t feel good about myself, and then after getting praise and/or positive attention I do feel good about myself, what that means is: “What makes me good enough or important is having people think well of me.” Survival strategy beliefs This is a very special type of belief.  It is a belief that tells us what needs to happen in order to experience being okay. And when it doesn’t happen we don’t feel very good about ourselves. Well, if we don’t experience being good enough the way we are and we need something outside ourselves to become good enough, how often would we want that outside something to occur?  All the time! Anytime anyone doesn’t like us, rejects us, or thinks poorly of us, we have lost our “survival strategy,” our method for making us feel good about ourselves.  At that point the underlying belief: “I’m not good enough,

(http://www.mortylefkoe.com/wp-content/uploads/marty_lefkoe_headshots_053_2-01_edit_234-150x150.jpg)     Many of you have written to me saying you understand how to eliminate a belief, but you don’t know how to find the specific beliefs that c...

(http://www.mortylefkoe.com/wp-content/uploads/marty_lefkoe_headshots_053_2-01_edit_235-150x150.jpg)It is possible to permanently eliminate your depression. The purpose of this post is to assure those of you who are feeling depressed (or who know anyone who is depressed) that it is possible to get rid of it totally. I was depressed for about 30 years, so much so that I thought of suicide frequently.  I haven’t felt anywhere near depressed for over 15 years.  If I can do it, you can too. (http://www.mortylefkoe.com/wp-content/uploads/bigstock_Sunny_Days_Ahead_Sign_4313446-300x164.jpg)Depression is ultimately the result of feeling hopeless and helpless. It is experienced as an overwhelming sense of despair.  Unfortunately, this mental disorder is very prevalent, with estimates that almost one in six Americans will experience depression in their lifetime.  Moreover, many people whose symptoms are not serious enough to be classified as chronically depressed still experience bouts of despair that they are unable to shake for days on end. There are some people who claim that depression is chemical and that the brain of depressed people is actually different than the brain of normal people.  A study conducted a few years ago did show that MRIs of depressed people were different from the MRIs of “normal” people.  The study went on to describe, however, how  after a few months of cognitive behavioral therapy the brains looked the same.  In other words, it is more likely that the mental state caused the changed brain state than an abnormal brain state produced depression. Luckily, depression, like most mental problems, is the result of beliefs and conditionings, all of which can be eliminated by the Lefkoe Belief Process (LBP) and the Lefkoe Stimulus Process (LStimP). The following is a list of some beliefs that clients with depression have identified and eliminated. Can you see that almost anyone with most of these beliefs would have to feel depressed, at least to some extent? If someone didn't have any of these beliefs and, instead, held their opposite—such  as "I control my life, not other people or circumstances" “My life is whatever I make it,” “I am good enough, important, and deserving”—could they possibly feel depressed? Say each of the following beliefs out loud. If any of them resonate with you, it's a belief you hold. Even though you may have held it since you were a child, and even if you've tried a number of ways to get rid of it, LBP can assist you to eliminate it. Typical beliefs that underlie depression * I'm powerless. * I'm not good enough. * I'm not deserving. * I'm inadequate. * I'm not important. * I'm worthless. * I'm not lovable. * Who I am is not okay. * I have no value. * There's something wrong with me. * Happiness doesn't last. * It's not safe to be myself. * Life is hard, painful, a struggle, and stressful. * Being responsible is a burden. * I have to be perfect or people won't accept me. * I can't have what I want. * I don’t matter. Ruth eliminated her life-long depression Ruth Bonomo of Westport, CT, who used the LBP to eliminate many beliefs like these, described how she totally ended her life-long depression: "I used to walk around enclosed in a veil of depression, fear, and self-loathing. I was always at the edge of the pit, ready to jump in and relinquish responsibility for my life and how it was turning out. I was on the verge of abandoning my family when my son became ill. After he spent several days in the hospital I realized I better get myself together; this kid needed and deserved me and I needed to be a responsible parent. "I found Shelly Lefkoe and the Lefkoe Belief Process.  Immediately I began to shed emotional pounds. It was as if I had been running around on an exercise wheel in a hamster cage my whole life, and now I was free.

(http://www.mortylefkoe.com/wp-content/uploads/marty_lefkoe_headshots_053_2-01_edit_235-150x150.jpg)Usually in my weekly posts I present some information that I think will be useful to you, something I’ve learned that I want to pass on to you.  This week I want to reverse that process: I’d like your collective wisdom to educate me and everyone else who reads my blog. The topic is moods. (http://www.mortylefkoe.com/wp-content/uploads/bigstock_Nine_Vector_Smilies_5512848-262x300.jpg)This mental state first became an issue in my occurring courses (http://occurringcourse.com)where the participants and I were trying to identify all the factors that seemed to influence how reality “occurred” for us, in other words, what determined the meaning we gave events as we experienced them, moment by moment? We realized that probably the major source of our occurrings (http://occurringcourse.com)was our beliefs and conditionings.  Other relevant sources included our physical condition and our “moods.”  But when we tried to state specifically what we meant by a mood and where our moods came from, we were stumped. After a lot of thinking and a bunch of research, I came up with a few ideas, which I’d like to share with you in this post.  But instead of ending with my conclusion, I’m going to end with a request that you take a look at what I’ve presented and then tell me and my readers what you think, and let’s see if our collective thinking can figure out what moods really are, where they come from, and how to change them if they are negative. What do the experts say? I checked to see what Wikipedia had to say. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Mood_(psychology (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Mood)) “A mood is a relatively long lasting emotional state.  Moods differ from emotions in that they are less specific, less intense, and less likely to be triggered by a particular stimulus or event. “Moods generally have either a positive or negative valence. In other words, people typically speak of being in a good mood or a bad mood. Unlike acute, emotional feelings like fear and surprise, moods often last for hours or days. “Mood also differs from temperament or personality traits which are even longer lasting. Nevertheless, personality traits such as optimism and neuroticism predispose certain types of moods. Long term disturbances of mood such as depression and bipolar disorder are considered mood disorders. Mood is an internal, subjective state, but it often can be inferred from posture and other behaviors.” Some of my thinking Moods seem to be like emotions in some respects and different in other respects.  They both can be positive or negative. Moods tend to last longer than emotions.  Usually emotions are set off by a specific stimulus (in the case of stimulus conditionings) or by the meaning we give specific events at the time (in other words, our occurrings (http://occurringcourse.com)).  I’m not sure what creates our moods. A mood colors one’s perception and behavior.  It is like a filter through which one views reality. Therefore it can affect the meaning you give to an event, which determines how events occur to us.  Although our occurring can influence the mood we are in, it seems more common that moods affect our occurrings. I said earlier that our physical condition, such as being in pain or being tired, can affect our occurring.  It also can affect our mood. In an earlier blog post on emotions I wrote: “Sadness, unhappiness, grief and sorrow are emotions that result from feeling powerless in the face of not having (or not being able to have) what we want, or losing what we had.”  (http://www.mortylefkoe.com/why-negative-emotions/ (../why-negative-emotions/)) Now that I think about it, these four emotions have many of the characteristics of moods. Could moods be affected by the same principles that determine emotions? (In that earlier post I explained the source of our negative emotions.)

(http://www.mortylefkoe.com/wp-content/uploads/marty_lefkoe_headshots_053_2-01_edit_211-150x150.jpg)A friend of mine who has been a teacher in, and a student of, the personal growth business for over 25 years called me the other day for help. He see...

(http://www.mortylefkoe.com/wp-content/uploads/marty_lefkoe_headshots_053_2-01_edit_235-150x150.jpg)Most of the techniques that proclaim to permanently eliminate long-held beliefs don’t work.  Why?  And what do the successful techniques do that make th...

(http://www.mortylefkoe.com/wp-content/uploads/marty_lefkoe_headshots_053_2-01_edit_21-150x150.jpg)I have a question to ask you but before I ask, I’d like to give you some background.   First, you, along with tens of thousands of others who have used The Lefkoe Method, have sent me many hundreds of testimonials about the incredible results you’ve gotten from eliminating one of the common beliefs on the free program, from one of our DVD or streaming video programs, or from one-on-one sessions.  Thanks for taking the time to do that.  We at Lefkoe Institute are inspired each day by your messages. (http://www.mortylefkoe.com/wp-content/uploads/bigstock_Oak_Tree_Beauty_2755748-300x300.jpg)But some of the most profound testimonials we’ve received have come from people who’ve taken one of the four courses we’ve offered on how to dissolve your occurrings.  If you’ve been following my blog for a while, you’ve read one of my posts about how the single most powerful thing you can do to improve the quality of your life is to learn how to dissolve your occurrings. If you don’t know much about it, check out this short (12 minute) video that will explain it in detail. http://occurringcourse.com/occurring-works/ (http://occurringcourse.com/occurring-works/) Essentially, you and I give meaning to events as they happen (which is how they “occur” for us) and don’t realize that there is a difference between the actual events and the occurring.  For example, our spouse asks us: Did you do so-and-so for me?  That is the actual event, in other words, what actually happened.  For many of us, however, it would occur as either: He/she doesn’t trust me to do what he/she has asked.  Or, why won’t he/she get off my back and leave me alone!  Or, why should I do it; why doesn’t he/she do it him/herself?  Etc. And because we don’t distinguish between reality and our occurrings, we assume that our occurrings are reality and we respond as if they are. I’ve learned so much during the past four courses about why we have occurrings, how to distinguish between them and reality, four different techniques to dissolve them quickly and easily, why it is more difficult to dissolve them when you have strong emotions, how to be able to do that when in the grip of strong emotions, why the testimonials from people in the occurring courses seem to be more profound than people who’ve only eliminated beliefs, etc. Please tell me what you would like to know about occurring? I’ll either write a blog post or make a short video that answers the most commonly asked questions. P.S.  Thanks to the 80+ people who commented on my last blog post.  Thanks for taking the time to provide a thoughtful response and for your suggestions.  We are looking into how to implement some of the most popular recommendations.  We will definitely offer a training in the next few months to teach you how to eliminate a belief once you’ve identified it. If you haven’t yet eliminated at least one of your limiting self-esteem beliefs using the Lefkoe Belief Process, go to http://www.recreateyourlife.com/free (http://www.recreateyourlife.com/free ) where you can eliminate one negative belief free. For information about eliminating 23 of the most common limiting beliefs and conditionings, which cause eight of the most common problems in our lives, please checkout: http://recreateyourlife.com/naturalconfidence (http://recreateyourlife.com/naturalconfidence). These weekly blog posts also exist as podcasts.  Sign up for the RSS feed or at iTunes to get the podcasts sent to you weekly. copyright © 2011 Morty Lefkoe

(http://www.mortylefkoe.com/wp-content/uploads/marty_lefkoe_headshots_053_2-01_edit_28-150x150.jpg)Are you one of the millions of people who have been unable to find a loving, fulfilling, and exciting relationship? I am convinced that everyone can have the relationship of his dreams if he got rid of the beliefs that get in the way. I speak from experience because I had two marriages that failed because of my limiting self-esteem and relationship beliefs.  After eliminating them I found and married Shelly, to whom I will be married 30 years in just a few months.   People who know us are inspired by the incredible relationship we have. (http://www.mortylefkoe.com/wp-content/uploads/bigstock_Portrait_Of_A_Happy_Couple_Smi_4049739-300x200.jpg)People can have several different types of relationship problems.  Either they can’t find one (and they hate the dating game), or they had one and it failed (leading to a lot of emotional pain and upset), or they are still in one that just doesn’t work or isn’t nurturing (leading to constant unhappiness, frustration, and anger). There is a fourth possibility that is even worse: being in a relationship that doesn’t really work and assuming that this is the best a relationship can possibly be. That leads to constant dissatisfaction, but no hope for improvement because people in this situation don’t think anything better is possible. We’ve been asked many times to create a package of beliefs and conditionings that would help people in each one of these situations.  Unfortunately, because each relationship is so different, the beliefs and conditionings involved also can be different, so a generic DVD program for the “average” person is impossible (at least at the moment, because nothing is ever really impossible in the long run). I can, however, describe the type of beliefs and conditionings involved in different types of relationship problems.  To begin with, negative self-esteem beliefs are usually involved in all of them, apart from the specific beliefs and conditionings related to specific problems.  So beliefs like I’m not good enough, I’m not important, I’m powerless, I’m not deserving, etc. are a partial cause of almost any relationship problem. Here are some of the beliefs that our clients, who have had a wide variety of relationship problems, have shared with us. If you are having a hard time forming a relationship, you probably believe: Relationships are difficult.  This can exist in various forms, such as Relationships don’t work, relationships require a lot of effort, etc.  You probably believe men/women can’t be trusted. Other common beliefs are: There are no good men/women left out there.  Marriage is suffocating.  I’ll lose myself in a relationship. Men are jerks/selfish/dangerous/ have all the power/cheat. One self-esteem belief that is very applicable to relationship problems is I’m unlovable.  All of the beliefs that cause a lack of confidence (see the list in the Natural Confidence program [http://recreateyourlife.com/naturalconfidence (http://recreateyourlife.com/naturalconfidence)]) could be relevant in this situation.  And there is at least one conditioning applicable to this situation: fear associated with rejection. If you’re just left a failed relationship, you are likely to have concluded a bunch of negative beliefs about yourself and your former partner (which you probably hold as applicable to an entire gender) based on the specific problems you had in the relationship. You also ought to check out the beliefs involved in feeling like a victim, which include: Life is difficult, I’ll never get what I want, Things never work out for me, People can’t be trusted, and I can’t count on others. If you are in a relationship that doesn’t work but you stay in it, you probably have many of the beliefs already mentioned, in addition to: This is all I deserve.  I’ll never find anything better.  I can’t make it on my own.

(http://www.mortylefkoe.com/wp-content/uploads/marty_lefkoe_headshots_053_2-01_edit_235-150x150.jpg)Are you one of the people who figured out how to use the Lefkoe Belief Process (LBP) after eliminating a few beliefs on htp://www.recreateyourlife.com/free (http://recreateyourlife.com/free) where we offer three beliefs for free?  Many people are able to eliminate beliefs by themselves after going through the LBP a few times, whereas others are unable to do it themselves if they’ve never received training even after eliminating 20-30 beliefs. Once you’ve figured out what belief you want to eliminate, going through the steps of the LBP can be relatively easy for some people.  The steps are the same in most cases, although the source and alternative interpretations are different for survival strategy beliefs.  So if you are able to find the source of your beliefs and come up with valid alternative interpretations (which can be different for different beliefs), you might be able to get rid of many beliefs on your own. (http://www.mortylefkoe.com/wp-content/uploads/bigstock_Group_Of_Adults_Studying_39153512-150x150.jpg) The biggest problem in using the LBP is figuring out which beliefs are the source of different problems. (And, of course, many problems also are caused by conditioning, which can require you to use several other processes that are part of The Lefkoe Method [TLM] in order to eliminate those problems totally.) This ability to quickly learn how to get rid of the beliefs that cause many of your day-to-day problems is a significant distinction between the LBP and almost every form of psychotherapy.   You Can’t Conduct Psychotherapy On Yourself It is virtually impossible to conduct a psychotherapy session on yourself, regardless of which type of psychotherapy you choose to use.  And instead of a weekend training to learn how to use the LBP with others, you need several years of school and many hours of practice and observation before you can be effective as a psychotherapist. It is because the steps of the LBP are relatively simple once you know the belief you want to eliminate that we have been able to put that Process on DVDs and streaming video.  And because certain problems usually have the same beliefs and conditionings, we have been able to create DVDs and streaming video programs to get rid of entire problems in addition to eliminating an assortment of random beliefs. Using TLM successfully probably requires less communication skills than most forms of psychotherapy. A Lefkoe Method facilitator must be able to administer TLM effectively and that usually does take some training, skill, and practice, but if the processes are presented correctly, they will work regardless of the rapport the facilitator has established with the client.  That is one reason why the various processes in TLM can be effective in a DVD or interactive web program. On the other hand, most forms of psychotherapy require a high degree of trust, relationship, rapport, etc. between the therapist and the client, and often the better the rapport, the more effective the session. In TLM the process is more important than the facilitator, whereas in most other therapies the opposite is true. This is not to say that no rapport or trust is required for Lefkoe Method faciliators, because if they are totally absent, people may not feel comfortable working with the facilitator.  Also, a LM facilitator with a high degree of training and insight is likely to figure out the source of a given problem that another facilitator might not even recognize. Finally, a client is more likely to be totally open with a facilitator she trusts, which can make a difference in the outcome of a session. Everyone Helps Everyone Else My vision is for millions of people to learn how to use the LBP and the other processes that comprise The Lefkoe Method early in life so they can use them on themselves and to help others.