The Lefkoe Institute

Today’s post is written by my daughter, Brittany Lefkoe.  She has grown up around The Lefkoe Method (she had her first session at nine years old) and is a Certified Lefkoe Method Facilitator (she is Shelly’s facilitator when Shelly has a belief she needs help eliminating).  She has been helping friends get rid of behavioral and emotional problems since she was in high school.  She graduated from Washington University in St. Louis in May and is now living in San Diego with her fiancé, Erik.  She has opened a private practice using The Lefkoe Method with her clients. *     *     * (http://www.mortylefkoe.com/wp-content/uploads/BL-photo-7.31.12-blog1-300x254.jpg)One day, my body finally gave out on me. It was tired. And so was I. Before that, overachieving was simply part of my personality. It was who I was and nothing was going to change that. I was in college, taking all the hardest classes, reading every assignment page-for-page, and always getting my homework done on time. I worked three part-time jobs, played sports, kept my apartment clean, cooked, and somehow managed to have a relationship and friends. It wasn’t something I had to think about, it was just something I did. Then, I got sick. I was competing at National Championships for the Triathlon Team at my school and I barely finished the race. After that, going for a ten-minute walk left me sitting at my doorstep in tears from exhaustion. I had been told time and time again that I was working too hard and I needed to take some time for myself. But to be honest, I didn’t even know what that meant. Perfectionism comes in many forms. For some people, it is feeling like failing isn’t an option, not matter what the cost. For others, it is believing that you can and should take on the world entirely by yourself, no matter how hard it gets. Sometimes it is driven by the fear of making a mistake or not being good at something. And often, it is masking one’s fear of being exposed. Being a perfectionist is different from caring about having a professionally-finished product. Perfectionism is a behavior pattern that is caused by negative beliefs such as, “If I make a mistake or fail I will be rejected,” “I’m not good enough,” “What makes me good enough is doing things perfectly,” and “Mistakes and failures are bad.” Working hard to put out something you are proud of is a positive thing. Doing it out of fear isn’t. Many people think that their perfectionism drives their good work. However, we have found the opposite to be true. Perfectionism tends to cripple our creative potential, prevent us from taking risks and trying new things, and keep us stuck. Most importantly, it causes unnecessary stress, which eats up most of our energy. Doing well in school served me well. But, being bedridden didn’t. Once I eliminated the beliefs that were underlying my perfectionism, I didn’t stop producing good results. I still did well in school, was successful at my jobs, and got done everything that needed to get done. The only difference was that I didn’t think my worth and value were dependent upon how successful or perfect I was. I was no longer afraid of making mistakes, I wasn’t stressed out all the time, and I had extra energy to fuel my passion. Your passion and potential are fueled by confidence and determination, not by a fear of making mistakes Michael Jordan said, “I have missed more than 9000 shots in my career. I have lost almost 300 games. Twenty six times I have been trusted to take the game winning shot and missed. I have failed over and over again in my life; and that is why I succeed.” Thomas Edison said after inventing the light bulb, “I have not failed. I have just found 10,000 ways that won't work.” Perfectionism doesn’t serve us. It debilitates us. Finding and eliminating the underlying beliefs doesn’t make us less productive, it opens up the space for us to become our own Michael Jordan and Thomas Edison.

Joanne was 52 when she called me to help her with her weight problem.  She said she needed to lose 80-90 pounds, but her real complaint was, “I need to eat all the time.  I know I’m full and I keep eating anyway.” As I questioned her she revealed th...

I have a test for you.  All you have to do to pass it is to answer one question honestly.  For many of us that might be difficult because we might not want to know the answer. Here is the question: Do you really feel that it’s all going to turn out for you? No, I didn’t ask if you wanted it to turn out.  Of course you do.  I asked do you really feel, deep down, that it’s all going to turn out for you.  Do you really feel you will have a long-lasting nurturing, loving relationship?  That you will have financial abundance? That you will get paid to do work you are passionate about? That you will truly enjoy life?(http://www.mortylefkoe.com/wp-content/uploads/bigstock-A-green-arrow-marked-Confidenc-20497748-273x300.jpg) Based on our one-on-one work with well over 13,000 clients it is clear that although most people want their lives to turn out, at the same time most fear that it never will.  My story For a large part of my life I intended things to turn out, I wanted things to turn out, I did my best to make things turn out … but deep down, I felt that they wouldn’t.  And no matter what I did or how hard I tried, and as good as things got, they never turned out the way I really wanted them to. Because I thought that negative thoughts and feelings would keep me from getting what I wanted, I did my best to bury them so I wouldn’t know they were there.  I covered them with positive thoughts and feelings, which I focused on constantly. But when things didn’t turn out the way I wanted, I had the sense: “I knew it.  I knew it would never turn out the way I wanted.”  I had managed to hide that sense from myself most of the time, but I never got rid of it. Because many people committed to personal growth believe that what they focus on manifests, they are afraid of their “negative” thoughts and feelings.  They suppress them.  They do their best to have “positive” thoughts and feelings. Unfortunately, underneath the layer of positivity lies the widespread sense that it is never really going to turn out. How to deal with the fear it will never turn out for you There is no need to live with the fear that your life is never going to turn out, whether that fear is conscious or just below the surface.  So, I have a suggestion for those of you who have that sense. First, acknowledge that you have it.  Hiding it, suppressing it, pretending you don’t have it will not make it go away. Second, identify the beliefs that cause it. Beliefs like: I’ll never get what I want.  Life is difficult.  I’m not deserving.  I’m not worthy.  I’m not good enough.  It’s never going to turn out for me. Third, eliminate the beliefs.  If you eliminate the beliefs that cause the feeling that your life will never be the way you want it to be, the feeling will not merely be suppressed, it will be eliminated … forever. When I finally eliminated the beliefs listed above and several others, my fear that my life would never be what I wanted it to be disappeared forever. Create your own possibilities One of the purposes of this weekly blog is to make you aware of possibilities for your life that you might not have been aware of previously.  This week I want you to know that the feeling so many of us live with constantly—that our dreams will remain only dreams, never to manifest—is not the truth.  No matter who you are or what your situation, that feeling is the result of beliefs.  Eliminate the beliefs and the feeling will disappear. If you found this post useful, please tell your friends and followers by using the buttons at the top of this post. If you would like information about having a Certified Lefkoe Method Facilitator help you permanently eliminate any problem in your life, please call us at 415-884-0552. If you haven’t yet eliminated at least one of your limiting self-esteem beliefs using the Lefkoe Belief Process, go to htp://www.recreateyourlife.com/free

(http://www.mortylefkoe.com/wp-content/uploads/marty_lefkoe_headshots_Blog_053_201_edit_235251x3002-150x150.jpg)My post several months ago, How To Live In A State of Bliss (http://www.mortylefkoe.com/live-state-bliss/) produced many more comments than ...

Do you have memories that recur from time to time that are painful?  Are there events from the past that upset you every time you recall them?  Events such as breaking up after a long-term love affair, or getting fired from a job, or not getting something you had expected to get. (http://www.mortylefkoe.com/wp-content/uploads/bigstock-Comedy-And-Tragedy-Theater-Mas-28749308-300x225.jpg)If so, I have some good news for you.  I am going to show you how you can quickly and easily dissolve the meaning you gave those “painful” events so that you will be able to recall them without the emotional discomfort that usually accompanies them.   Dissolve the meaning and the emotion also will disappear If you are reading this you probably have eliminated at least one belief using the Lefkoe Belief Process and have experienced (in addition to intellectually understanding) that events have no inherent meaning. All meaning resides in our mind, not in events.  Meaningless events can’t produce emotions, except in relatively infrequent cases of stimulus conditioning.  Consequently, most of our emotions arise from the meaning we assign events. That being the case, dissolving the meaning you give events automatically will dissolve the emotions that accompany those events. I have been teaching people how to use the Lefkoe Occurring Process (LOP) to dissolve how daily events occur to them—in other words, the meaning they give them—in my Occurring Courses for the past few years. In the last course one of the participants said that he had been able to use the LOP to dissolve the meaning he had given an event in his past.  I had never thought of using the LOP that way.  He reported that when he did that, both the meaning and the painful emotion that had accompanied that event dissolved and never returned.  So when he had the memory again, all he recalled was the event itself, without the meaning and the emotion. Here’s what to do Here’s how you can do that too. Step 1: Recall the specifics of the event, exactly what happened. Step 2: Make a clear distinction between the event, the meaning you gave it, and the emotion that resulted from the meaning.  Here’s one example from a client today.  Event: When I was a child I fell when playing and broke a tooth.  Meaning: When I tell my mom she will be upset and there will be chaos in the house as a result of what I did.  Emotion: Anxiety. Step 3: In order to help you clearly get that the meaning is not inherent in the event, ask yourself if you can “see” the meaning in the world.  When you realize you can actually see the event but you can’t see the meaning (because it is only in your mind), you will have made a clear distinction between the event and the meaning, and the meaning will dissolve. Step 4:  Recall the earlier event.  Notice that you no longer experience the meaning and the emotion that used to be attached to the event.  When I asked the client to recall the earlier memory of breaking her tooth, she said that the anxiety she had always felt when she had the memory was gone. This is a simple process that literally takes only a few minutes to complete, but it can make a profound difference in your daily experience of life.  Imagine being able to smile as you relive old events that used to be accompanied by painful emotions. Share your experience As an optional Step 5, please share your experience of doing this simple process in the “Leave a Comment” box below.  I would love to hear about your successes and others will be inspired to try this process if they read about your experience. If you found this post useful, please tell your friends and followers by using the buttons at the top of this post.  I’d love to have thousands of people get rid of the pain in their painful memories. Sign up in the box on the side to receive more information on how to use the Lefkoe Occurring Process to dissolve meaning and emotions.

Have you ever listened to something a friend or loved one said to you and thought: “They have to be insane!  That makes no sense at all!” And what about things they do? Aren’t you flabbergasted when a friend or loved one doesn’t do something they promised to do or not returned a call for days? (http://www.mortylefkoe.com/wp-content/uploads/bigstock-Question-Mark-And-Thinker-5043773-300x300.jpg)So much of what people do and say make little or no sense to us.  Why? Things people say and do don’t make sense to us because we assume that they are giving events the same meaning we do.  If we realized that most of what people do and say make perfect sense given the meanings they have assigned events, we’d stop being so puzzled. Let me give you a few examples. A relationship example Imagine you ask your partner to pick up something at the store and he (or she) doesn’t.  You are likely to give it the meaning that he doesn’t care about you because if he did, he wouldn’t have forgotten.  That meaning is likely to make you upset or even angry. And the more your partner doesn’t acknowledge that you have a right to be upset or angry, the more upset and angry you get.  In the end you just can’t understand why your partner didn’t do what you asked and why he isn’t apologizing for being so thoughtless. Your partner on the other hand, gives the same event a different meaning: What you want is important to me, I just forgot.  People forget things.  My forgetting has nothing to do with how much I care about you.  Why are you so upset or angry? What does the event—failing to pick up the item you requested at the store—really mean?  You give it one meaning and your partner gives it another.  Neither is “the truth.”  Both meanings are merely the way the event occurs for you.  Can you get that the event doesn’t have any inherent meaning? If each of you could recognize that how the event occurs for you is not reality—it is merely the meaning each of you has attributed to reality—there would be nothing to get upset or angry about.  And the other’s reaction would not be so incomprehensible.  In fact, given the other’s “occurring,” the reaction would make perfect sense. Are they really inconsiderate jerks? Imagine that your neighbors are having a party that lasts until the wee hours of the morning and they are making noise that is keeping you awake.  Clearly they are inconsiderate jerks who have no respect for anyone else.  And that meaning makes you angry.  You just can’t imagine why people would do what they are doing. Do your neighbors agree they are “inconsiderate jerks”?  No, they don’t.  From their point of view, they were just having fun, not realizing that they were making so much noise that you were being kept from sleep. Whose point of view—whose meaning—is correct?  Can you get that both are and both are not.  In other words, the event as such has no inherent meaning and both meanings are just different ways of interpreting what happened. Understanding people’s meaning makes sense of what they do and say I’m not asking you to give up the meaning you assign to events, although if you did you would be able to dissolve your fears and anger, in fact, virtually all the negative emotions you experience.  Because almost all of our emotions are the result of the meaning we assign events—in other words, how the events occur for us—dissolving the meaning simultaneously dissolves the emotions. I’m only suggesting that people’s actions and statements make perfect sense once you understanding that what people do and say will always be consistent with how events occur for them.  Understand people’s occurring and you will understand them. If you found this post useful, please tell your friends and followers by using the buttons at the top of this post. If you would like information about having a Certified Lefkoe Method Facilitator help you permanently eliminate any problem in your life,

I am writing this in New York City, almost 3,000 miles from my home in the San Francisco Bay area.  My wife Shelly took me here for a week to celebrate my 75th birthday. I had planned to skip my blog post this week (I think I’ve only missed one post...

(http://www.mortylefkoe.com/wp-content/uploads/marty_lefkoe_headshots_Blog_053_201_edit_235251x3002-150x150.jpg)Many of you have contacted us after eliminating a negative belief using the Lefkoe Belief Process, asking how you can create a positive beli...

(http://www.mortylefkoe.com/wp-content/uploads/marty_lefkoe_headshots_Blog_053_201_edit_235251x3002-150x150.jpg)Recently I wrote about how our beliefs become reality for us, determining our behavior and feelings.  Because how we view reality determines...

(http://www.mortylefkoe.com/wp-content/uploads/marty_lefkoe_headshots_Blog_053_201_edit_235251x3002-150x150.jpg)Have you been trying to “get better”—to make a significant improvement in your life—without real success? If so, then you are one of the tens of millions of people who either are in psychotherapy or part of the personal growth movement—reading books, attending workshops, and using digital products—in an attempt to reduce your anxiety and suffering and increase your happiness. Unfortunately the success rate for these people is not very high.  Although there is often some improvement, the negative self-talk, some noticeable anxiety, and an obsessive concern with the opinions of others usually continue after years of therapy and many courses. Let me offer a possible explanation Most therapies and personal growth systems assume that we all live and deal with the same objective reality, and that some of us need better thinking and/or additional skills and information to deal with it more effectively. (http://www.mortylefkoe.com/wp-content/uploads/bigstock-Deformed-Grid-Eps-3420113-300x294.jpg)I think the reason for their poor success rates is that their basic assumption is flawed: we are not all dealing with the same objective reality and our biggest problem is not our inability to deal effectively with that reality.  Instead, the problem is that we are all dealing with different realities (based on our beliefs) and our problems arise primarily from our mistaken views of reality. Let me elaborate.  Beliefs are statement about reality that we feel are the truth.  “I am ….”  “People are ….”  “Life is ….”  Beliefs like these describe our reality.  We think it really is true that I am not good enough, or people can’t be trusted, or life is difficult.  If you hold these beliefs, for you they are actual descriptions of the world you live in.  The problem for you and others holding such beliefs people isn’t merely an inability to cope with the world as it really is, their real problem is that they are trying to deal effectively with a world that exists only in their mind. For example, if you believe that mistakes and failure are bad and that if I make a mistake I’ll be rejected, then that is a fact in your world.  That is an accurate description of the way the world really is, for you.  That view of the world will inhibit you from trying new things, it likely will make you afraid to speak in public, it will result in anxiety that you will do something wrong and get rejected, and other dysfunctional behavior. If in the “real” world mistakes and failure are only good learning experiences, if really successful people consider their “mistakes” and “failures” to be merely building blocks for later success, then people with the two beliefs just mentioned don’t need to think more effectively, to learn how to handle their emotions better, or to devise more effective business strategies—they need to change their view of reality.  In other words, they need to eliminate their beliefs about mistakes and failure that constitute as aspect of their worldview. Relationship problems are usually not due to a lack of interpersonal skills Here’s another illustration of my point.  Imagine that in your world, it was a fact that you were not loveable, that relationships never worked out in the long run, and that men/women couldn’t be trusted.  For you, given the nature of your world, the possibility of a good, nurturing, loving long-term relationship would be slim to nil.  Not because of your fears or your lack of social skills, but because your behavior in relationships is shaped totally by your view of yourself, potential mates, and relationships.  Learning more interpersonal skills, better understanding your childhood influences, and learning some behaviors that make for better relationships will do little to help you have better relationships if you have the beliefs I just named.

(http://www.mortylefkoe.com/wp-content/uploads/marty_lefkoe_headshots_Blog_053_201_edit_235251x3002-150x150.jpg)Have you ever experienced anxiety?  If you haven’t yet, the odds are good that you will at some point in your life. According to MedicineNet, anxiety is definitely a pretty common thing! In the United States, more than 60 million people will suffer from anxiety at a certain point in their lives and more than three million will have a panic disorder in the course of their lifetime. Over four million people experience general anxiety each year. Panic attacks typically begin during teenage years, from 15 to 19.  (Emphasis in original.) (http://anxietybuzz.com/how-many-people-have-anxiety/ (http://anxietybuzz.com/how-many-people-have-anxiety/)) If you are one of the millions of people who already has suffered from anxiety (and I am one of them), you know how incapacitating it can be.  If you haven’t yet, it’s not something to look forward to.  When you experience anxiety it’s hard to focus, to make decisions, to act, and to think.  All you want to do is escape, but there is no escape at the moment. (http://www.mortylefkoe.com/wp-content/uploads/bigstock-Anxiety-and-Stress-and-its-Des-20348060-300x194.jpg)Luckily there are effective anxiety treatments. There are three major approaches to anxiety treatment and several sub-categories (adapted from the Anxiety Disorders Association of America): 1.  Psychotherapy ·         Cognitive-Behavioral Therapy (CBT) A well-established, highly effective, and lasting treatment is called cognitive-behavioral therapy, or CBT. It focuses on identifying, understanding, and changing thinking and behavior patterns. Benefits are usually seen in 12 to 16 weeks, depending on the individual. In this type of therapy the patient is actively involved in his or her own recovery, has a sense of control, and learns skills that are useful throughout life. CBT typically involves reading about the problem, keeping records between appointments, and completing homework assignments in which the treatment procedures are practiced. Patients learn skills during therapy sessions, but they must practice repeatedly to see improvement. ·         Exposure Therapy A form of CBT, exposure therapy is a process for reducing fear and anxiety responses. In therapy, a person is gradually exposed to a feared situation or object, learning to become less sensitive over time. This type of therapy has been found to be particularly effective for obsessive-compulsive disorder and phobias. ·         Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT) Also known as ACT, this type of therapy uses strategies of acceptance and mindfulness (living in the moment and experiencing things without judgment), along with commitment and behavior change, as a way to cope with unwanted thoughts, feelings, and sensations. ACT imparts skills to accept these experiences, place them in a different context, develop greater clarity about personal values, and commit to needed behavior change. ·         Dialectical Behavioral Therapy (DBT) Integrating cognitive-behavioral techniques with concepts from Eastern meditation, dialectical behavioral therapy, or DBT, combines acceptance and change. DBT involves individual and group therapy to learn mindfulness, as well as skills for interpersonal effectiveness, tolerating distress, regulating emotions. ·         Interpersonal Therapy (IPT) Often referred to as IPT, interpersonal therapy is a short-term supportive psychotherapy that addresses interpersonal issues in depression in adults, adolescents, and older adults. IPT usually involves 12 to 16 one-hour weekly sessions. The initial sessions are devoted to gathering information about the nature of a person’s depression and interpersonal experience. ·         Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing (EMDR) Under certain conditions eye movements appear to reduce the intensity of disturbing thoughts.

(http://www.mortylefkoe.com/wp-content/uploads/marty_lefkoe_headshots_Blog_053_201_edit_235251x3002-150x150.jpg)I’ve written before about the fact that the Lefkoe Belief Process (one of the many processes that comprise The Lefkoe Method) has both a very practical element and a profound spiritual element.  Getting rid of beliefs and conditionings changes your “creation,” in other words, it results in major changes in our daily behavior and emotions.  The Who Am I Really? Process, which is an element of the Lefkoe Belief Process (LBP), enables you to enter an altered state of consciousness where you deeply experience anything is possible, there is nothing missing, and you have no limitations. I am now discovering that another one of TLM processes is more spiritual than I had realized. The practical side of the LOP (http://www.mortylefkoe.com/wp-content/uploads/bigstock-Businessman-meditating-on-gree-11897501-300x200.jpg)The Lefkoe Occurring Process (LOP) enables you to recognize that you automatically and unconsciously give meaning to events, perhaps 20-50 times a day, and usually do not distinguish between reality and that meaning, in other words, how reality occurs to you.  Therefore, your “occurring”—the meaning you give reality—is experienced as reality. And because events have no inherent meaning, all of our feelings—positive and negative—are the result of our occurrings. The LOP then enables you to make a clear distinction between reality/events and meaning/occurring, and finally to dissolve your occurring.  As a result you are able to deal more effectively with reality, easily get rid of negative feelings, and create your experience of life moment by moment.  Obviously the LOP produces very practical results. The spiritual side of the LOP Although I have had some sense that there are spiritual elements to the LOP, I have started to realize that it is almost like a spiritual practice. A friend of mine who lived at an ashram when he was younger and who has studied many of the Eastern religions said that there are several things in common with the Eastern traditions:  You learn to hold all concepts lightly.  You learn to drop evaluations.  You learn to drop the tendency to stick new ideas into an old slot, in other words, say that the new thing is “like that,” which keeps you from fully experiencing the new thing.  You learn to climb outside of your customary way of interpreting.  And you learn to jettison old identifies and ways of thinking. I’ve never described the LOP quite like that before, but I could accurately use it as a description of my process.  Another person I talked recently who has being studying Taoism said that his guru taught him by using events in reality.  By that he meant, he learned to stop giving meaning to things either his guru told him to do or that the guru suggested he notice.  Eventually that practice enabled him to stop living in the past and future and live totally in the present. That also is one way of describing the purpose of using the LOP on a regular basis. A description of Taoism Read the following partial description of Taoism from Wikipedia: “Pu … is a metaphor for the state of wu wei … It represents a passive state of receptiveness. Pu is a symbol for a state of pure potential and perception without prejudice. In this state, Taoists believe everything is seen as it is, without preconceptions or illusion. “Pu is usually seen as keeping oneself in the primordial state of tao. It is believed to be the true nature of the mind, unburdened by knowledge or experiences. In the state of pu, there is no right or wrong, beautiful or ugly. There is only pure experience, or awareness, free from learned labels and definitions.” Interestingly, that also is one of the results of using the LOP on a regular basis: you stop judging and evaluating events; you focus on and deal with just the event itself, without any meaning.

(http://www.mortylefkoe.com/wp-content/uploads/marty_lefkoe_headshots_Blog_053_201_edit_235251x3002-150x150.jpg)If there was ever a psychological trait that was considered to be a part of human nature, it’s the fear of rejection. In the thousands of...

(http://www.mortylefkoe.com/wp-content/uploads/marty_lefkoe_headshots_Blog_053_201_edit_235251x3002-150x150.jpg)There’s “good news” and “bad news” about the many personal growth improvement courses.  The good news is that many of them actually provide ...

(http://www.mortylefkoe.com/wp-content/uploads/marty_lefkoe_headshots_Blog_053_201_edit_235251x3002-150x150.jpg)The first time I really allowed myself to experience my anger I fainted. I was about 36 and had successfully suppressed my anger since childhood.  And there I was in a group therapy session, hitting a mat with a stick with foam wrapped around it, screaming: “Mom, I’m really angry at you.”  When I started the exercise I was only mouthing empty words, but then at some point the words became real and the anger surfaced.  It terrified me so much that I literally passed out on the mat. I fainted the next couple of times I tried that exercise, but eventually I was able to experience anger toward my mother that I had never allowed myself to experience.  And I was able to remain in an upright position. (http://www.mortylefkoe.com/wp-content/uploads/bigstock_Angry_Person_25595405-300x225.jpg)Although there probably aren’t many people who first experienced their anger in exactly the same way I did, there are millions who are terrified of experiencing their own anger or being in the presence of the anger of others.  Many people get in touch with that anger in therapy or some personal growth course, and millions never do. In addition to the fact that suppressing your anger is suppressing a part of yourself—in other words, having a part of you be unknown to you—suppressed anger has been implicated in serious illnesses, especially heart diseases. If you want to be able to experience your own anger without fear and if you want to discover why the anger of others can be so scary, read on and let me explain The Primary Source of Our Fear The primary source of our fear of anger is four specific beliefs and two conditionings.  The beliefs are: Confrontation is dangerous, If I’m angry I’ll lose control, If I express anger I’ll lose love, and Anger is dangerous.  And the conditionings are: fear associated with anger and fear associated with confrontation.  There can be several other relevant beliefs and conditionings, but it is my experience that when these six have been eliminated, much of the fear we have of our own anger and the anger of others will be gone. The source of these six beliefs and conditionings is almost always a childhood where one or both parents frequently displayed extreme anger. (I’ll explain why some people frequently express anger in a minute.)  If we are terrified by the anger of our parents as a child, the typical reaction is the six beliefs and conditionings I listed. The group therapy I described above helped me get in touch with my anger and allowed me to experience it instead of suppress it so totally that I didn’t even know I was feeling it.  But my fear of anger did not disappear totally until I eliminated the five beliefs and conditionings many years later. Now what about people who aren’t afraid of anger, but who themselves are angry a lot and express that anger as verbal or physical abuse? What is the source of that? Why People Get Angry Easily Kids want affection, attention, and acknowledgment. When they repeatedly can’t get what they want, they are likely to feel powerless.  Also, frequently being told:  “Just do it because I said so (or because I’m the parent)” can produce the same feeling.  This leads to the belief I’m powerless. This is a basic self-esteem belief that makes us feel out of control and insecure, because if we are powerless then we don’t have the ability to do what we think needs to be done.  In other words, on a subconscious level we know our survival is always at stake. When we form such a belief as a child we need to find some way to deal with the ever-present anxiety it produces.  As I explained in an earlier blog post  (http://bit.ly/ohzdoy), when we form a negative self-esteem belief as a child we need to develop some strategy to deal with it.  For example, if we conclude I’m not good enough or important,