The Lefkoe Institute

(http://www.mortylefkoe.com/wp-content/uploads/marty_lefkoe_headshots_053_2-01_edit_235-150x150.jpg) There are things you don’t know that you don’t know.  And that fact, perhaps more than any other single thing, is keeping you from having the be...

(http://www.mortylefkoe.com/wp-content/uploads/marty_lefkoe_headshots_053_2-01_edit_231-150x150.jpg) Very often in the middle of a session with a client I have a realization and then think: I’ll bet my readers would find this interesting. So, here’s what happened during a session last week. A client was trying to eliminate the belief, The way to survive is to be numb. He told me that the source of his belief was the fact that when he was a kid his mom spanked him if he exhibited strong positive or negative feelings. In other words, if he was too exuberant or if he cried or if he got angry, he got spanked. So he concluded early on that the way to survive is to quiet himself down inside and not allow himself to feel or express any strong emotion. (http://www.mortylefkoe.com/wp-content/uploads/bigstock_Doors_To_The_New_World__5762768-150x150.jpg) But after finding the source of the belief he suddenly got stuck. This client had had no difficulty in eliminating other beliefs earlier in the session, but all of a sudden he seemed to be having real problems eliminating this one. At some point the client said: “If I let go of this belief then I’ll have to experience my emotions, and that is too scary.” In other words, this client had beliefs and conditionings that had him be afraid of strong emotions, especially anger. Such beliefs and conditionings included: Anger is dangerous. Experiencing my feelings is dangerous. Fear associated with experiencing my feelings. His “survival strategy” to deal with this fear was to go numb, after which he concluded, The way to survive is to be numb. By going numb (unconscious), he didn’t have to feel strong emotions, which he felt were so threatening (because every time he expressed strong emotions as a child it felt as if his mother was withdrawing her love). What he started to feel in the middle of eliminating this belief was, if I let go of this belief, I will start to feel strong emotions and that is dangerous. My mistake First of all, I had made a mistake in not having him eliminate all the beliefs and conditionings that caused the fear of strong feelings before helping him to eliminate this survival strategy belief. He had eliminated a few of them, but we should have eliminated all of them. Generally you should eliminate all the beliefs underlying a survival strategy belief before attempting to eliminate the survival strategy belief. If we had done that, he would no longer have been afraid of strong emotions and he wouldn’t have been afraid to let go of this belief. Eliminating beliefs provides choice, not required behavior But apart from this error on my part, what I realized was he didn’t understand that eliminating a belief would not cause him to act in a certain way, it would only give him a choice. He wouldn’t have to express strong feelings, but he would be able to if he chose to. In other words, eliminating beliefs opens up possibilities for us—it gives us a choice—but does not require any specific action. Let me explain. Many people have the belief, What makes me good enough or important is taking care of others. That belief will have you frequently put others first and not do what you should do to take care of yourself. Because you have concluded that your self-esteem is dependent on taking care of others, you do that out of need, not out of choice. When this belief is eliminated, you are not prevented from taking care of others, you just have a choice about doing it. You can do it when you wish and not do it when it isn’t appropriate. Getting rid of the belief gives you a choice, it does not require any specific behavior on your part. Ultimately, one of the most desirable things to possess in life is choice. To have choice in what we do and think and feel is a goal we all have. Beliefs and conditionings can often prevent choice because they frequently dictate specific thoughts, feelings, and behaviors.

(http://www.mortylefkoe.com/wp-content/uploads/marty_lefkoe_headshots_053_2-01_edit_229-150x150.jpg) Do you know the difference between beliefs and occurrings? They are totally different phenomena. And you need to be able to eliminate both of th...

(http://www.mortylefkoe.com/wp-content/uploads/marty_lefkoe_headshots_053_2-01_edit_235-150x150.jpg) This past week I was attending my bi-annual meeting of the Transformational Leadership Council in New Orleans.  At one point I was talking to Paul Scheele of Learning Strategies about the important distinction between inspiration, which comes from who we really are (consciousness, the “creator”) and intention, which comes from who we think we are (the ego, the “creation”). (See my recent blog post where I discuss this distinction in detail: http://www.mortylefkoe.com/create-happiness/ (http://www.mortylefkoe.com/create-happiness/).) (http://www.mortylefkoe.com/wp-content/uploads/Morty-and-Paul-at-TLC-150x150.jpg) In the middle of the conversation I had a thought that might explain why the Law of Attraction works sometimes and not other times. When you are inspired to do something (inspirations are created out of nothing, “just because”), the creator that you really are will help to manifest that inspiration.  The “universe” will support you. On the other hand, when your ego sets an intention (intentions are shaped and limited by our prior beliefs), you generally will not be supported by who you really are, by consciousness, by the “universe.” In other words, consciousness will help to manifest the visions it inspired to begin with.  And the ego will have to work hard to bring its intentions to fruition.   What I am suggesting is that the Law of Attraction is nothing more that consciousness manifesting its own creations (namely your inspirations).  The “Law” is not applicable to intentions it did not create. Obviously it is possible to achieve ego-created intentions with effective strategies and actions, but you will not have the Law of Attraction’s support in the same way as you would if you were focused on implementing an inspiration. Take a look in your own life.  Think about the times that the Law of Attraction seemed to be working, when merely thinking about something seemed to be enough for it to manifest.  And then think about the times that you struggled to get something you wanted.  Was the goal you were striving to achieve a function of an intention or an inspiration? Does this distinction explain when the LOA works for you and when it doesn’t? Tell me and my readers your stories. For information about my next Lefkoe Occurring Course, where you learn how to use the Lefkoe Occurring Process to automatically dissolve your occurrings and your negative feelings, please check out: http://occurringcourse.com/discover (http://www.occurringcourse.com/discover/). For information about eliminating 23 of the most common limiting beliefs and conditionings, please checkout: http://recreateyourlife.com/naturalconfidence (http://recreateyourlife.com/naturalconfidence). These weekly blog posts also exist as podcasts.  Sign up for the RSS feed or at iTunes to get the podcasts sent to you weekly. If you haven’t yet eliminated at least one of your limiting self-esteem beliefs using the Lefkoe Belief Process, go to htp://www.recreateyourlife.com/free (http://recreateyourlife.com/free) where you can eliminate one negative belief free. copyright © 2011 Morty Lefkoe

(http://www.mortylefkoe.com/wp-content/uploads/marty_lefkoe_headshots_053_2-01_edit_235-150x150.jpg) What if there was one principle about human feelings that would enable you to control your own experience of life? Well, there is, and here is the principle: The meaning you give to what happens to you totally determines your reaction to what happens to you. One meaning can lead to upset and suffering; another meaning of the same event can lead to excitement, challenge, and happiness. (http://www.mortylefkoe.com/wp-content/uploads/Photo-for-011811-blog-post-meaning-happiness-300x200.jpg)Take a moment and think about this.  … Because events in the world have no inherent meaning, when you give meaning to events it seems as if your meaning (how the event is occurring to you) is what is actually happening.  In fact, however, your occurring exists only in your mind. This very important principle is relevant in two ways. Our meaning creates our beliefs First, all of our beliefs about ourselves, others, and life itself are nothing more than the meaning we have given to meaningless events.  I’m not good enough is the meaning we have given to parental criticism or dissatisfaction with what we do as a child.  Relationships are difficult is the meaning we have given to our parents arguing all the time or to our first couple of unpleasant relationships.  Life is difficult is the meaning we have given to difficult childhood experiences where we and our family struggled a lot. Etc. So our anxiety, procrastination, concern with the opinion of others, lack of confidence, difficulties in relationships, stress, etc. are all primarily the result of beliefs: the meanings we gave earlier in our lives to meaningless events. (Conditionings also play a role.) Our meaning determines how reality occurs to us Second, the meaning we give events determines how they occur for us at the moment.  One meaning can lead to a positive occurring; another meaning can lead to a negative occurring.  Unfortunately, most of the time most of us never distinguish between what is actually happening and the meaning we are giving what is happening. For example, your boss asks you a question.  If you give it the meaning that your boss is dissatisfied with you, you likely will feel anxious or angry.  If you give the same question the meaning that your boss is just trying to get some information, you will feel calm and provide the information. Another example: Your spouse asks you to do something. If you give it the meaning that he is asking because he doesn’t trust you to do it on your own, you will be angry or upset.  If you give it the meaning that she is just telling you what she wants, then you probably will feel nothing at all. Meanings that turn into beliefs are generalizations about ourselves, people, and life that stay with us forever, unless we eliminate them.  Meanings that determine how an event occurs for us disappear as soon as we stop thinking about the event. When people eliminate all the beliefs that cause a given behavioral or emotional problem, the problem disappears.  People who have done this have reported profound changes in their lives.  And yet the changes reported by people who have learned how to dissolve their negative occurrings and be left either with just the unvarnished facts or a positive occurring are even more profound. Here are just a few stories from people in recent Lefkoe Occurring Courses to show how powerful it is to be able to control the meaning you give events. “Occurrings dissolve instantly” I've found that almost all of my occurrings dissolve instantly this week, that there was nothing to really stop and work through except for the one incident above. I feel much lighter emotionally now and a LOT less reactive - I find myself looking at situations fairly dispassionately now with a little bit of curiousity as to what may be going on. LOVE IT!! --Renee Maxfield

(http://www.mortylefkoe.com/wp-content/uploads/marty_lefkoe_headshots_053_2-01_edit_235-150x150.jpg)Early last year a good friend and colleague, Marci Shimoff, contacted me and told me she was writing a new book to be titled, Love For No Reason.  She said she had read a post I had written about my unconditional love for my wife, Shelly.  Marci asked if she could interview me for the book and use what I had written.  Of course I agreed. Her book has just been published and I want to strongly recommend that you read it, because she explains, in a way that I had never thought of, how to create a life of unconditional love. Because I’ve been able to love unconditionally, I know how incredible that experience is, so anything you can do to have that experience yourself is worth doing. http://www.thelovebook.com (http://www.thelovebook.com/) The book opens with an inspiring story about love for no reason that sets the tone for the entire book.  I was hooked from the start. (http://www.mortylefkoe.com/wp-content/uploads/Photo-for-011111-blog-post-love-for-no-reason-227x300.jpg) Early on Marci uses part of her interview with me, where I described my experience of unconditional love. When I married my wife, Shelly, almost twenty-nine years ago, she asked me why I loved her.  I answered, “Just because I do.” She didn’t like this answer.  She wanted to know which qualities about her made me love her.  But I kept insisting that I simply loved her, not for any particularly reason. I explained: “If I love you for specific reasons, then my love is conditioned on you being a certain way.  If you stop being that way or you aren’t that way at a given time, I may not love you.  But if I love you ‘just because,’ then my love is unconditional and I can and will love you no matter what you do or don’t do.” If I don’t feel love toward Shelly at any given moment, I realize that I’m not experiencing love inside myself and that it’s up to me to figure out why and to start experiencing it again.  I’m not blaming her for anything and I’m not waiting for her to change in some way.  This gives me complete control over the way I feel about her.  In other words, there’s nothing she has to do to make me love her, and there’s nothing she can do that will lead me to not love her. Marci’s book is filled with many inspiring stories about love and she also offers some useful tips regarding what it takes to learn to love unconditionally. For example, she points out that you need to be able to experience self-love before you can truly love another. Almost all of us carry around this same underlying belief of “I’m not good enough”—or some variation of how we are flawed or inadequate. Yours might be “I’m not smart enough,” “I’m not worthy,” or “I’m not loveable.”  It really doesn’t matter which edition of the “I’m not Okay” manual you have, when you don’t love yourself, you hold yourself back from receiving life’s richest experience: Love for No Reason.  It’s like having a winning lottery ticket and not showing up to claim the millions.” Marci describes a meeting she attended with the Dalai Lama, who radiates love for no reason: Just sitting within ten feet of this great spiritual master was transformational.  His presence was incredibly calming, bathing the entire room in an aura of quiet, unconditional love. The Dalai Lama graciously welcomed us to the meeting, and before taking our questions, he shared a few words that put us instantly at ease.  He said that whether he is addressing the president of a nation or a homeless person on the street makes no difference to him, because he treats everyone the same. “Differences in religious beliefs, politics, social status, and position are all secondary,” the Dalai Lama explained.  “When we look at someone with compassion, we are able to see beyond those secondary differences and connect to the primary essence that binds all humans together as one.” (Emphasis added.

(http://www.mortylefkoe.com/wp-content/uploads/marty_lefkoe_headshots_053_2-01_edit_225-150x150.jpg) Everyone knows that success in life is a function of your “intention.”  Right? I just read an excellent blog post by Joe Vitale (http://blog.mrfire.com/why-i-gave-up-intentions (http://blog.mrfire.com/why-i-gave-up-intentions)) that challenges this point of view.  Joe’s perspective makes a lot of sense to me and, because New Year’s Resolutions are usually all about our intentions, I thought I would use my first blog post of the new year to take a fresh look at this topic. Joe questions the value of intention (http://www.mortylefkoe.com/wp-content/uploads/Photo-for-010310-blog-post-inspiration-253x300.jpg) Joe makes this point: “Today I realize that most intentions are limitations. Intentions come from your ego and can actually limit what is possible for you to receive.” He goes on to explain: STAGE ONE: In the first stage you are a victim. We’re all born into it and most of us stay there. With coaching or the right books or the right movies, you one day break free. STAGE TWO: In the next stage you realize you have more power than you ever thought before. In this stage intentions are fun and exciting and useful. You aim your life where you want it to go. It’s exhilarating to manifest things like new cars or a new house or anything else you can imagine. But there’s a stage after that. STAGE THREE: In the third stage you realize you have choice but you don’t have control. You realize you don’t have all power. This is where you surrender. This is where you can receive inspiration from something greater than your ego awareness. I was filmed for two more movies last week. One of them is all about letting go to inspiration. For me, I want inspiration. When it comes, that becomes my new intention. But the intention comes from inspiration, not from limitation. The intention comes from the Divine, not my pipsqueak ego. In short, when I receive an inspiration to do something, it becomes my intention. So I still believe in intentions, but not those of the ego, but those of the Divine. A distinction between intention and inspiration Joe made an important distinction between inspiration, which comes from who we really are (the “creator”) and intention, which comes from who we think we are (the ego, the “creation”). Because our creation is pretty much run by our already-existing beliefs and conditionings, our intentions are not really freely chosen.   Our intentions are determined by our past, or, to be more precise, the meaning we gave past experiences.  In other words, our intentions are limited by our beliefs.  We can’t intend to achieve more than our beliefs will allow. Inspirations, on the other hand, are created out of nothing. Inspirations don’t depend on anything and they are not limited by our beliefs. If you were asked: What is the source of any goal you might have—and you explain why you have the goal, you probably have an intention that is a function of your beliefs.  If your answer is, “just because” or “why not” or “just because I said so,” you probably have an inspiration that was created independent of your beliefs. As soon as I realized the power of The Lefkoe Method (TLM) about 25 years ago to make a profound difference in the world, I said to myself: I intend to spend the rest of my life using TLM to make a difference in as many lives as possible.  A worthwhile intention, isn’t it? But when I first created this intention about 25 years ago it mattered to me.  I used it to define who I was.  It became my identity.  I had to do it.  It was a better way to spend my time than how most other people spent their time.  The world needed what I had to offer. My intention became an inspiration And then about 10 years ago there was a shift from: I need to do it, to: I choose to do it. And I would be okay if I didn’t do it. The world didn’t need me; it would be okay without me.

(http://www.mortylefkoe.com/wp-content/uploads/marty_lefkoe_headshots_053_2-01_edit_235-150x150.jpg)     Did you keep your New Year’s resolutions last year?  … What about the year before? … If you are like most people, you worked on them through the middle of January and by early February you had forgotten you ever made them.  Or, perhaps after several years of failure, you stopped making New Year’s resolutions at all. Why don’t we do the things that we say we are going to do?  Things we really want to do?  Things that truly would benefit our lives? The answer is simple.  Our behavior is not the result of our desires or even our commitments.  It is the result of our beliefs and conditioning.  And if there is a conflict between our beliefs/conditioning and our commitments/desires, the beliefs/conditioning  usually will win. (http://www.mortylefkoe.com/wp-content/uploads/Photo-for-122110-blog-post-new-years-resolutions-200x300.jpg)Let me give you a few examples. I’m going to stop procrastinating A few years ago I had a friend named Johnny whose problem was that he procrastinated a lot of the time.  He almost always left work projects go until the last minute. As a result, he was anxious much of the time and sometimes he would turn projects in late, which resulted in an upset boss. At some point he decided he must change, so he made a New Year’s resolution to stop procrastinating the next year.  Because he was really committed, he did everything he could to insure his success. * He prioritized his activities, assuming that it would help him focus on the most important projects. * He made a schedule that helped him allot time during the month for work on the projects. * He put up reminders in prominent places. * He created rewards to give himself when he finished a project—a special dinner or a new item of clothing. * He asked his friends to support him. And yet—despite this detailed strategy for keeping his resolution—by early February he called to tell me the problem was as bad as ever. I put on my “Lefkoe Method Facilitator” hat and asked Johnny what thoughts he had when he was about to do what he knew he should do at work, just before he put it off and did something else instead.  He gave me the following list. * What I do might not be good enough. * People might judge my work badly. * I feel uncomfortable when I think about doing the project. Can you see that these thoughts and feelings were keeping him from acting? That most people with those thoughts and feelings probably would procrastinate, especially with important projects? After a short discussion we found a number of beliefs that were causing the thoughts and feelings, including these three: * I’m not good enough. * What makes me good enough is having others think well of me. * Mistakes and failure are bad. These beliefs (and several others) led to the thoughts and feelings that caused Johnny’s procrastination.  After I helped him get rid of the beliefs, the procrastination stopped … totally. If you resolve to stop procrastination, eliminate all of the relevant beliefs and your New Year’s resolution will finally manifest. I’m going to find a great relationship this year Here’s another story that will explain why it can be so difficult to stick with our New Year’s resolutions. Years ago I had a friend, Jennifer, who really wanted a great romantic relationship.  In fact, it was all she could talk about.  But she either went months at a time without any relationship at all, or she would get into disastrous relationships that didn’t last more than a couple of months and then ended with a lot of upset. One year she made a New Year’s resolution to create a great guy in the coming year.  She made a list of all the qualities she wanted, visualized what he looked like, and imagined spending time with him as he did all the things she imagined this great guy would do.

(http://www.mortylefkoe.com/wp-content/uploads/marty_lefkoe_headshots_053_2-01_edit_235-150x150.jpg)   The more we work with clients who have a problem of overeating, the more convinced I am that we have come up with an effective solution to a major health crisis. Over 70% of American adults are either overweight or obese.  That is a disastrous situation for those people who have an eating/weight problem and a serious crisis for society as a whole. As more and more clients de-condition eating as the compulsive response to emotional triggers and as I better understand the role of beliefs in overeating, it is clear that a long-term solution to overeating now exists that does not involve dieting, drugs, or will power. These are all attempts to deal with the symptoms of the problem.  Our approach is to deal with and eliminate the cause. So 25 years after creating the Lefkoe Belief Process we now have all the processes we need to help millions of people totally stop their overeating problem.  I don’t yet know how to create a DVD that will do the job, but hopefully I will figure out a way eventually. In the meantime, we can help people in one-on-one phone and Skype sessions. (http://www.mortylefkoe.com/wp-content/uploads/Photo-for-121410-blog-post-new-eating-blog-150x150.jpg)I’ve written an eBook that describes the true causes of overeating and presents an effective solution.  The eBook is free and is available at http://emotionaleatingreport.com (http://emotionaleatingreport.com). In addition, because this issue is so crucial and affects so many people, and because we have a real solution to the problem, I intend to create a new blog that I will post to weekly that will focus solely on the causes and cure for overeating problems.  It will be shorter than my blog at http://mortylefkoe.com (http://mortylefkoe.com/) and may include reviews of books that I think might be useful, comments on news items involving food and weight, case histories from clients I am working with, new insights I have about the problem, etc. If you or a friend or a loved one have an eating/food/weight problem, please take a look at the free eBook and at the same time sign up to get the blog weekly.  You can see the existing posts and sign up at http://emotionaleatingreport.com/blog/ (http://emotionaleatingreport.com/blog/). Please share below your thoughts and questions on my decision to write an emotional eating weekly blog. These weekly blog posts also exist as podcasts.  Sign up for the RSS feed or at iTunes to get the podcasts sent to you weekly. If you haven’t yet eliminated at least one of your limiting self-esteem beliefs using the Lefkoe Belief Process, go to htp://www.recreateyourlife.com/free (http://recreateyourlife.com/free) where you can eliminate one negative belief free. To purchase a DVD program that I guarantee to help you significantly improve your confidence and also eliminate the major day-to-day problems that most people face, check out http://recreateyourlife.com/naturalconfidence (http://recreateyourlife.com/naturalconfidence). copyright © 2010 Morty Lefkoe

(http://www.mortylefkoe.com/wp-content/uploads/marty_lefkoe_headshots_053_2-01_edit_235-150x150.jpg)   The Placebo Effect   One of the best proofs that beliefs have a powerful impact on our health has existed for years right under the n...

(http://www.mortylefkoe.com/wp-content/uploads/marty_lefkoe_headshots_053_2-01_edit_235-150x150.jpg) In addition to the seven processes that can help free individuals from their limitations (which I’ve described in the last three blog posts), The Lefkoe Method has two additional processes that were designed specifically for use in organizations. If you use them in your own firm, you will be more successful.  If you use them at a company where you work, you will become a more effective and valuable employee. The Lefkoe Belief Process-Possibilities The first process, the Lefkoe Belief Process-Possibilities, was created when I discovered during my years as a management consultant that employees on every level in every organization were sabotaging themselves and their organizations with many beliefs that started with the words: We (I) can’t …. (http://www.mortylefkoe.com/wp-content/uploads/Photo-for-113010-blog-post-organization-processes-TLM-p4-150x150.jpg)Almost everyone in every organization—whether it be non-profit, for profit, or governmental—has a number of beliefs about what can’t be done and what must be done.  Based on my experience I contend that these beliefs are an organization’s biggest barrier to innovation.  In fact, they are probably the single biggest problem organizations face. * “We can’t out-source that job.” * “We can’t find the type of employees we need.” * “I can’t get the support I need.” * “We can’t possibly finish the project as quickly as the customer wants.” * “We can’t afford to do that.” * “That suggestion is crazy.  It can’t possibly work.” Sound familiar?  If you work in an organization it is unlikely you get through an entire day without hearing, We (I) can’t …, at  least once.  And if the right someone (or lots of someones) believes something “can’t be done,” then the chances are slim to nil that it will get done. Either this type of belief will stop a new initiative cold, or, if the organization manages to get it off the ground, the people with the belief will have a hard time supporting it, which will lead to the belief becoming a self-fulfilling prophesy. When I first discovered the widespread prevalence of this type of belief, I realized that the Lefkoe Belief Process (LBP) could easily eliminate it.  The problem was that it was impractical to train everyone in an organization to use the LBP.  It would take much too much time.  So I had to revise the Process so that anyone could learn to do it very quickly. At some point I realized that if you were eliminating a belief whose source was not childhood and that was always the same—namely, something hadn’t worked before—I could create an easy-to-learn-and-use variation of the LBP that only eliminated We (I) can’t ... beliefs. I call this process the Lefkoe Belief Process-Possibilities because when you eliminate a We (I) can’t … belief you create possibilities that literally didn’t exist before. The LBP-P can eliminate a belief in less than five minute and can be taught to groups of people in only an hour or so. For more details about the LBP-P, including the actual steps of the Process, please visit http://www.mortylefkoe.com/get-rid-of-the-belief-%E2%80%9Ci-can%E2%80%99t-%E2%80%A6%E2%80%9D/ (../get-rid-of-the-belief-%E2%80%9Ci-can%E2%80%99t-%E2%80%A6%E2%80%9D/). Changing the culture of an organization Right after I created the LBP in 1985 my associates and I did a lot of management consulting work.  One of the most exciting assignments we had was helping many of the newly-formed telephone companies that had just split off from AT&T to create a new customer-driven culture. For about a hundred years AT&T had a culture that was focused on internal measurements for improvement.  Because the company had a monopoly and customers had no place else to go, it didn’t focus much on what customers wanted.  AT&T gave them what it thought they needed.  After AT&T split up into a number of “Baby Bells,

(http://www.mortylefkoe.com/wp-content/uploads/marty_lefkoe_headshots_053_2-01_edit_235-251x300.jpg) The Lefkoe Occurring Process (LOP) and the Lefkoe De-conditioning Process (LDP) are the two newest processes that constitute The Lefkoe Method (TLM).  I’ve mentioned them before in other posts; today I will summarize each of them and describe how each offers a unique benefit not found in any other process in TLM or, to the best of my knowledge, in any psychotherapeutic or personal growth technique.  I also will describe the Who Am I Really? (WAIR?) Process, which helps you enter an altered state of consciousness. (http://www.mortylefkoe.com/wp-content/uploads/Photo-for-112210-blog-post-TLM-part3-300x200.jpg)The Lefkoe Occurring Process Our beliefs are the meaning we gave to a series of events in the past, which we now feel is “the truth.”  For us, a belief is an accurate description of reality, which gives it the power to influence our thoughts, feelings, and behavior. We also give meaning to reality moment by moment and the meaning we give events determines how reality “occurs” for us.  For example, someone you know walks into a crowded room and doesn’t say hello to you.  That is a fact.  It may occur to you, however, that she doesn’t like you, or that she is being rude, or that she didn’t see you.  All of these “occurrings” are possible meanings for her behavior—that exist only in your mind. But here’s the problem.  For most of us the way the world occurs for us is our reality, because we never distinguish between the two. And because the way we think reality “is” determines our thinking, our feelings, the possibilities available for our actions, etc., for most of us most of the time our responses to “reality” are really responses to our occurrings.   Because our emotions are usually the result of our occurrings and not reality itself (because events have no inherent meaning, they usually cannot cause feelings), the ability to dissolve our occurrings enables us to eliminate most negative emotions at will.   Unlike beliefs, which once formed become our reality forever (unless they are eliminated), our occurrings are only the meaning we have given transient events and then disappear either immediately or shortly after the events are gone.  As a result current occurrings rarely affect us in the future. The single best, easiest, and fastest way to control your experience of life is to consistently make a distinction between reality and how reality occurs for you, and then to dissolve the occurring, so you are left with nothing but the facts of reality. For more details on “occurring,” see a short video I made that visually explains how we create occurrings and how we can dissolve them: http://occurringcourse.com/how-occurring-works/ (http://occurringcourse.com/how-occurring-works/).  See also a blog post devoted entirely to this topic: http://www.mortylefkoe.com/create-experience-life/ (http://www.mortylefkoe.com/create-experience-life/).   Although eliminating beliefs and conditionings can make a profound difference in how you experience your life, you will gain more minute-by-minute control over it using the Lefkoe Occurring Process. (For information about the next course where I teach participants how to use it, see http://www.occurringcourse.com/discover/ (http://www.occurringcourse.com/discover/).) The Lefkoe De-conditioning Process This process has the potential to be used in a wide variety of problems, but it was created for and currently is only used for eating problems. I discovered after years of trying to help people stop their overeating by eliminating beliefs that that approach was insufficient. I had known all about “classical” conditioning, in which a stimulus is conditioned to produce a behavioral or emotional response.  So rejection or making a mistake can be conditioned to produce anxiety.  Or being told what to do can be conditioned to produce anger.

(http://www.mortylefkoe.com/wp-content/uploads/marty_lefkoe_headshots_053_2-01_edit_235-251x300.jpg) Last week I pointed out that The Lefkoe Method (TLM) includes nine different processes, all of them unique methods for transforming the quality of your life.  I described two of them—the Lefkoe Belief Process and the Lefkoe Stimulus Process—in detail. (See http://www.mortylefkoe.com/lefkoe-method-part-1/ (http://www.mortylefkoe.com/lefkoe-method-part-1/)) This week I’ll tell you how the Lefkoe Sense and Expectation Processes are revolutionary methods for removing barriers to you experiencing a level of joy and fulfillment most people have given up ever achieving. (http://www.mortylefkoe.com/wp-content/uploads/Photo-for-111610-blog-post-LSP-and-LEP-300x199.jpg)As you read the following discussion of these two additional processes that are part of TLM, I want you to remember what I claimed last week: To the best of my knowledge there isn’t another belief-elimination process out there that is guaranteed to eliminate fundamental beliefs permanently.  Moreover, I am quite confident that no one offers as complete an arsenal of processes to help you make any change you want in your life … and have it stick.  In fact, I’m not aware of any other process that produces the results that each of these processes achieve. Have you ever heard of anything remotely like the two processes I describe below? The Lefkoe Sense Process   The Lefkoe Sense Process (LSP) is useful after one eliminates all the relevant beliefs one can find and still has a negative sense of something.  This “sense” usually doesn’t exist in complete sentences, like beliefs.  A “sense” typically is described in bodily feelings, colors, images, short phrases, etc.  You actually can have a negative sense of anything, such as people, life, and work, but the most common negative sense that adversely affects our lives is a negative sense of self. Try it right now.  Close your eyes and spend a moment looking inside for your sense of yourself. … If you find words, such as “not good enough” or “not important,” that is probably the result of beliefs like I’m not good enough and I’m not important.  But keep looking: Is there a sense that exists primarily in feelings and images?  If there is and it is negative, the LSP can help you get rid of it. It appears that a negative sense of yourself is the result of conditioning and that the LSP de-conditions that negative conditioning.  The initial conditioning usually takes place in childhood.  Events around us—usually mom’s and dad’s behavior—lead us to have a negative feeling about ourselves.  Sometimes the feeling is a direct result of their behavior—as an example, we might have a sense of ourselves as isolated or alone in the world as a result of mom and dad not paying attention to us much of the time. Sometimes the feeling is the result of the meaning we give their behavior—as an example, feeling not acceptable as a result of giving that meaning to mom and dad not being available much of the time. Let me explain further.  Any child in any culture recognizes certain tones of voice and facial expressions as expressing “anger,” which most children would interpret as meaning there is something wrong with me.  Why that interpretation and not: What’s wrong with my parents?  Two reasons. First, a child knows on some level he is dependent on his parents for his very survival.  If there is something wrong with his parents, then his survival is threatened.  Better that there is something wrong with him. Second, children think that adults—especially their parents—have all the answers to dealing with the world; children also know they know very little about how to deal with the world.  Children are always saying, “When I grow up, then I’ll be able to … (or, then I’ll know what to do).”  So if mom and dad are angry, it must be my fault; there is something wrong with me.

(http://www.mortylefkoe.com/wp-content/uploads/marty_lefkoe_headshots_053_2-01_edit_235-251x300.jpg) Many of you have used the Lefkoe Belief Process and found that permanently getting rid of beliefs has made a profound difference in your life.  Did you know that The Lefkoe Method includes eight other processes you can use to make significant changes in your life? Depending on the problem you are trying to get rid of and what you are trying to accomplish, some of these other processes might be required. Because recently readers have asked me to describe the difference between each   process and explain how each is used, I’ve decided to use my blog posts over the next few weeks to do just that.  I’ll provide a short description of each process, explain how it works, and tell you how it can be used to help you get rid of problems you face in your life daily. This week I’ll discuss the Lefkoe Belief Process and the Lefkoe Stimulus Process. In future weeks I’ll write about the others. To the best of my knowledge there isn’t another belief-elimination process out there that is guaranteed to eliminate fundamental beliefs permanently.  Moreover, I am quite confident that no one offers as complete an arsenal of processes to help you make any change you want in your life … and have it stick.  In fact, I’m not aware of any other process that produces the results that each of these processes achieve. Here is a list of the processes that comprise The Lefkoe Method: * Lefkoe Belief Process * Lefkoe Stimulus Process * Lefkoe Sense Process * Lefkoe Expectation Process * Lefkoe De-conditioning Process * Lefkoe Occurring Process * Lefkoe Belief Process—Possibilities * Lefkoe Belief Process—Organizations * Who am I really? The Lefkoe Belief Process The Lefkoe Belief Process (LBP), which I developed in 1975, was the first of the processes and still is the most important.  Most of our undesirable behavior and feelings ultimately can be traced to our beliefs, so being able to get rid of beliefs will make the biggest long-term difference in your life. A belief, as I use the term, is a statement about reality that is the truth for us.  It is experienced emotionally as the truth, because it is possible to intellectually disagree with something we believe. For example, you may believe that I’m not good enough, even though you know intellectually that that is not true.  So the way to know you have a belief is to say the words of the belief out loud and then ask yourself: Do the words feel true? Do they resonate even a little bit?  Do they feel even a little uncomfortable? Most of our core beliefs about ourselves, people, and life are formed in the first six years of life as a result of interactions with our parents.  Beliefs about other areas of life—such as work, politics, relationships, and aspects of society—usually are formed when we encounter them. The steps of LBP consist mainly of questions that enable you to discover that something you thought was “the truth,” something you thought you “saw” in the world, is really only “a truth,” that exists only in your mind.  When you make that distinction, the belief is transformed into merely one interpretation you gave a meaningless series of events, and the belief disappears. Typical common negative beliefs include I’m not good enough, I’m not important, I’m powerless, People can’t be trusted, and Life is difficult. Many day-to-day problems that we face—such as procrastination, selling ourselves short, and trying to impress others—can usually be resolved by eliminating the beliefs that cause them. The Lefkoe Stimulus Process Many emotions are caused by beliefs, for example, the belief that Dogs are dangerous will result in an emotion of fear when confronting a dog. The belief People can't be trusted will result in the feeling of suspicion around people. When the beliefs are eliminated, the emotions usually will be also.

(http://www.mortylefkoe.com/wp-content/uploads/marty_lefkoe_headshots_053_2-01_edit_235-251x300.jpg) For most of my life I didn’t want to be me.  In fact, I was so unhappy being me that I wanted to be someone else.  When I was in my twenties I w...