The Secret Lives of Men

Marriage Rules: A Manual for the Married and the Coupled Up Following a unique format perfect for today's world, the author of The Dance of Anger gives us just over 100 rules that cover all the hot spots in long-term relationships. Marriage Rules offers new solutions to age-old problems ("He won't talk"/"She doesn't want sex") as well as modern ones (your partner's relationship to technology.) Harriet Lerner, PH.D., is one of our nations most loved and respected relationship experts. A renowned scholar on the psychology of women and family relationships, she is the author of The New York Times bestseller, The Dance of Anger, and other acclaimed books that together have sold over six million copies. A clinical psychologist in private practice, Lerner is a distinguished speaker, consultant and workshop leader. She has appeared on The Oprah Winfrey Show, CNN, and NPR and she hosts the "Dance of Connection" blog on psychologytoday.com. She is also, with her sister, an award- winning children's book writer. 

  Premarital Sex in America combines illuminating personal stories and comprehensive research surveys to provide the fullest portrait of heterosexuality among young adults ever produced. Mark Regnerus and Jeremy Uecker draw upon a wealth of survey data as well as scores of in-depth interviews with young adults from around the country, both in and out of college. Digging underneath stereotypes and unexamined assumptions, the authors offer compelling--and often surprising--answers to such questions as: How do the emotional aspects of sexual relations differ between young men and women? What role do political orientations play in their sexual relations? How have online dating and social networking sites affected the relationships of emerging adults? Why are young people today waiting so much longer to marry? How prevalent are nontraditional forms of sex, and what do people think of them? To better understand what drives the sexual behaviors of emerging adults, Regnerus and Uecker pay special attention to two important concepts: sexual scripts, the unwritten and often unconscious rules that guide sexual behavior and attitudes; and sexual economics, a theory which suggests that the relative scarcity of men on college campuses contributes to the "hookup" culture by allowing men to diminish their level of commitment and thereby lower the "price" they have to "pay" for sex. For anyone wishing to understand how sexual relations between young adults have changed and are changing, Premarital Sex in America will serve as a touchstone for years to come.

Skyrocketing phone bills. Layovers and missed flights. Countless hours spent pining, worrying, and wondering, Why do we do this to ourselves? Long-distance love can be one challenge afteranother, but as most committed couples will tell you, the rewards well outweigh the stresses. In this sensitive yet sensible guide, long-distance veterans Chris and Kate provide strategies for making the distance seem shorter and outline eight essential skills for relationship success:Communicating effectively. establishing mutual goals and expectations dealing with issues of trust, fidelity, and independence, having fun in spite of the distance Managing time, schedules, and stress Keeping the relationship real, balancing sex and emotional intimacy, making the transition to same-city livingBased on interviews with more than 100 couples and packed with knowledgeable tips and honest advice, THE LONG-DISTANCE RELATIONSHIP SURVIVAL GUIDE proves that, with patience and dedication, a loving relationship can not only survive but also thrive across the miles.

Rick Belden's Iron Man Family Outing Poems about Transition into a More Conscious Manhood embarks upon an healing odyssey regarding the father-son relationship. Iron Man Family Outing is widely used in the United States and internationally by therapists, counselors, and men's groups as an aid in the exploration of masculine psychology and men's issues, and as a resource for men who grew up in dysfunctional, abusive, or neglectful family systems. It has been ranked in the top 20 poetry books and the top 35 books on father-son relationships at Amazon.com, based on reader reviews. We aslo discuss Rick’s new book, Scapegoat's Cross: Poems about Finding and Reclaiming the Lost Man Within

Simply Imperfect: Revisiting the Wabi-Sabi House. Wabi-sabi is about appreciating the simple and letting go of the superficial—the perfect antidote for a society in recovery from a decades-long consumerist binge. In 2004 The Wabi-Sabi House helped popularize this ancient Japanese philosophy in North America. Simply Imperfect is a fully revised and updated edition of The Wabi-Sabi House aimed at moving past our belief in life, liberty, and the pursuit of stuff to finding beauty in austerity, serenity, and authenticity. Far more than home decor, wabi-sabi is a state of mind: living modestly in the moment, stripping away the unnecessary, and finding satisfaction in everyday things. Simply Imperfect recounts wabi-sabi's rich history, tracing it from its Zen Buddhist roots through to the present day. This beautifully-illustrated book reveals ways to introduce wabi-sabi into your home such as:Clearing clutter and blocking noiseIntegrating salvaged and recycled materials Making and growing things yourself (or supporting local artisans who do)Taking time and space for self-reflectionWabi-sabi is everything that today's sleek, plastic, technology-saturated culture isn't. Simply Imperfect asks readers to see that mass-produced perfection is seductive but boring. This gentle book is for anyone who is overwhelmed by consumerism or whose focus has shifted from getting more to getting by. Robyn Griggs Lawrence is editor-in-chief of Natural Home magazine and a prolific writer and speaker on topics ranging from green building and ecological design to organic gardening. She has been instrumental in introducing the Japanese philosophy of wabi-sabi to a Western audience.

Does your son tend to be disturbed by loud noises, violence, and crowds, fearful of new situations, easily hurt by criticism, or hesitant about playing aggressive games? Your son may be one of the 20 percent of all boys with a finely tuned nervous system. Our sensitive boys tend to be creative, kind, and gentle, appreciating beauty and feeling love deeply. Therefore, it’s particularly challenging for sensitive boys to grow up in a culture where boys are taught to act tough, aggressive, and unemotional. In this groundbreaking book, psychologist Ted Zeff explores the unique challenges of sensitive boys, showing parents, educators, and mentors how to help sensitive boys grow into strong, happy, and confident men. Dr. Zeff offers practical advice on how to help your son increase his self-esteem and thrive in the family, at school, with friends, and in sports. This book is also important for sensitive men to read to help them heal their childhood wounds, learn how to navigate through our aggressive, overstimulating world, and accept themselves as sensitive men. This book is helpful for sensitive women since how society treats sensitive men deeply affects highly sensitive women—and all women close to sensitive males.

Based on Stanford University psychologist Kelly McGonigal's class "The Science of Willpower," The Willpower Instinct is the first book to explain the new science of self-control and how it can be harnessed to improve our health, happiness, and productivity. Informed by the latest research and combining cutting-edge insights from psychology, economics, neuroscience, and medicine, The Willpower Instinct explains exactly what willpower is, how it works, and why it matters. For example, readers will learn: Willpower is a mind-body response, not a virtue. It is a biological function that can be improved through mindfulness, exercise, nutrition, and sleep. Willpower is not an unlimited resource. Too much self-control can actually be bad for your health. Temptation and stress hijack the brain's systems of self-control, but the brain can be trained for greater willpower Guilt and shame over your setbacks lead to giving in again, but self-forgiveness and self-compassion boost self-control. Giving up control is sometimes the only way to gain self-control. Willpower failures are contagious--you can catch the desire to overspend or overeat from your friends­­--but you can also catch self-control from the right role models. In the groundbreaking tradition of Getting Things Done, The Willpower Instinct combines life-changing prescriptive advice and complementary exercises to help readers with goals ranging from losing weight to more patient parenting, less procrastination, better health, and greater productivity at work. 

 Please join us as we revisit this episode! Our discombobulated Internet Age could learn important new tricks from some very old thinkers, according to this incisive critique of online life and its discontents. Journalist Powers bemoans the reigning dogma of digital maximalism that requires us to divide our attention between ever more e-mails, text messages, cellphone calls, video streams, and blinking banners, resulting, he argues, in lowered productivity and a distracted life devoid of meaning and depth. In a nifty and refreshing turn, he looks to ideas of the past for remedies to this hyper-modern predicament: to Plato, who analyzed the transition from the ancient technology of talking to the cutting-edge gadgetry of written scrolls; to Shakespeare, who gave Hamlet the latest in Elizabethan information apps, an erasable notebook; to Thoreau, who carved out solitary spaces amid the press of telegraphs and railroads.

Join us as we revisit this episode!  According to psychotherapist David Richo, all the major relationship struggles are fundamentally trust issues, whether it’s fear of commitment, fear of abandonment, communication problems, jealousy, or a tendency to be controlling. In Daring to Trust, he explores the importance of trust throughout our emotional lives: how it develops in childhood and how it becomes an essential aspect of healthy adult relationships. Richo emphasizes that developing trust in others begins by developing true trust in ourselves—in our feelings, our body, and in our inner voice—and he offers practical exercises for exploring and enhancing our sense of trust. David Richo, PhD, is a therapist and author who leads popular workshops on personal and spiritual growth. He is known for drawing on Buddhist thought, poetry, and Jungian perspectives in his work. He is the author of How to Be an Adult in Relationships and The Five Things We Cannot Change. He lives in Santa Barbara and San Francisco, California.

Join us as we revisit this episode! Marriage Confidential: The Post-Romantic Age of Workhorse Wives, Royal Children, Undersexed Spouses, and Rebel Couples Who are Rewriting the Rules. Pamela Haag has written the generational "big book" on modern marriage, a mesmerizing, sometimes salacious look at the semi-happy ambivalence lurking just below the surface of many marriages today. The spouses may rarely fight—they may maintain a sincere affection for each other—but one or both may harbor a melancholy sense that something important is missing. Remarkably, this side of the marriage story hasn't been told or analyzed—until now. Meticulously researched and injected with insightful firsthand accounts and welcome doses of humor, Marriage Confidential articulates for a generation that grew up believing they would "have it all" why they have ended up disenchanted. Haag introduces us to contemporary marriages where spouses act more like life partners than lovers; children occupy an uncontested position at the center of the marital relationship; and even the romantic staples of sexual fidelity and passion are assailed from all sides—so much so that spouses can end up having affairs online almost by accident. Blending tales from the front lines of matrimony with cultural history, surveys, and research covert-ops (such as joining an online affair-finding site and posting a personal ad in the New York Review of Books), Haag paints a detailed picture of the state of marriage today. And to show what's possible as well as what's melancholy in our post-romantic age, Haag seeks out marriages with a twist—rebels who are quietly brainstorming and evolving the scripts around career, money, social life, child rearing, and sex. Provocative but sympathetic, forward-thinking and bold, here, at last, is a manifesto for living large in marriage.

Join us as we revisit this episode! According to author Loren Cordain Ph.D., modern health and diet problems didn't start with the advent of packaged snack food, but much earlier--back at the dawn of the agricultural age many thousands of years ago. As humans became less nomadic and more dependent on high-carbohydrate diets, we left behind the diet we had evolved with, which is based on low-fat proteins and plenty of fruits and vegetables. Sugars, fats, and carbs were rare, if they were present at all, and survival required a steady, if low-key, level of activity. Cordain's book The Paleo Diet blends medical research with a healthy sprinkle of individual anecdotes, practical tips, and recipes designed to make his suggestions into a sustainable lifestyle, rather than a simple month-long diet; he even includes cooking recommendations and nationwide sources for wild game.

Batman dresses in costume, spends a good part of his wealth to support the lifestyle of his bat-alter ego, and puts his life on the line nightly. There must be something wrong with him, right? This question is that heart of "What's the Matter With Batman?" Clinical psychologist Robin Rosenberg delves into the mind of Batman. She examines his problems, "issues," and possible symptoms to determine whether he suffers from any of a variety of psychiatric disorders.    Dr. Rosenberg is the series editor of the Superhero series with Oxford University Press and has been featured discussing psychology and superheroes in various media including The Discovery Channel, The History Channel, and National Public Radio,     Show More Show Less

Join us as we revisit this episode! Stereotypically, women are encouraged to focus on the planning of the wedding; this may act to contain the normal feelings or fear, grief and confusion; on the other hand, men may be encouraged to distance or defer to the bride on all matters of importance. We discuss the importance of both bride and groom being conscious in the emotionally preparation for a wedding. http://www.consciousweddings.com/

Please join us as we revisit this episode!  The Science of Trust: Emotional Attunement for Couples For the past thirty-five years, John Gottman’s research has been internationally recognized for its unprecedented ability to precisely measure interactive processes in couples and to predict the long-term success or failure of relationships. In this groundbreaking book, he presents a new approach to understanding and changing couples: a fundamental social skill called “emotional attunement,” which describes a couple’s ability to fully process and move on from negative emotional events, ultimately creating a stronger relationship. Gottman draws from this longitudinal research and theory to show how emotional attunement can downregulate negative affect, help couples focus on positive traits and memories, and even help prevent domestic violence. He offers a detailed intervention devised to cultivate attunement, thereby helping couples connect, respect, and show affection. Emotional attunement is extended to tackle the subjects of flooding, the story we tell ourselves about our relationship, conflict, personality, changing relationships, and gender. Gottman also explains how to create emotional attunement when it is missing, to lay a foundation that will carry the relationship through difficult times. Gottman encourages couples to cultivate attunement through awareness, tolerance, understanding, non-defensive listening, and empathy. These qualities, he argues, inspire confidence in couples, and the sense that despite the inevitable struggles, the relationship is enduring and resilient.  

Join us as we re-visit this episode! Mad Men has captured the imaginations of millions of viewers, winning fifteen golden globes and four Emmys. In  Mad Men on the Couch, Dr. Stephanie Newman analyzes the show’s primary characters through the lens of modern psychology.