Parenting Today’s Teens

How to Motivate an Underachiever

#1994 Whenever your car’s “Check Engine” light comes on, it’s usually accompanied by that sinking feeling you get in the pit of your stomach. Hi, I’m Mark Gregston … with Parenting Today’s Teens. Sometimes, the engine light means you need a costly repair. Other times, it’s just a minor glitch. But until you take your car in, you live in a shroud of mystery. Could be big. Could be small. A teen’s inappropriate behavior works the same way. It’s a device for getting your attention. And your task as a parent is to understand the motivation behind the actions. Is your teen acting out? Bad behavior is like the engine light in your car. So don’t get distracted by what you see. Instead, look deeper into your teen’s life … and get started on making the repair.

#1993 Remember the old Star Trek TV shows? Back then … the gadgets they used seemed so futuristic and far-fetched. But today, we’re using technology that would even blow Scotty’s mind! Hi, I’m Mark Gregston … with Parenting Today’s Teens. Facebook Messenger, Skype, Google Hangouts, Facetime … teenagers have more ways to communicate than ever before. But they’re finding it increasingly difficult to connect in their relationships. That’s because all this new communication stuff gets in the way, and kids aren’t developing the old- fashioned tools we learned for having real conversations. We’ve all seen it happen … a group of teens sitting in the same room texting each other … rather than talking! Has technology become your teen’s only mode of communication? Help them put down the mobile device … and practice some good ol’ real- life social interaction.

#1992 If you or one of your kids has ever played on a sports team, then you know how much work this “recreational activity” can be. Hi, I’m Mark Gregston … with Parenting Today’s Teens. In a way, raising a family is a lot like training for a sport. You have to get up early for practice. You go through the same grueling workout every day. And by the end, you feel mentally, physically, and emotionally exhausted. Now, don’t get me wrong. Kids can lead to some of the most joyful moments in life. But you’re training for the win … for the victory on the other side of the test. And hardship is part of the package deal. So if your son or daughter is struggling right now … don’t back down. This is exactly what you’ve been training for!

#1991 Time for a pop quiz: Children need to be corrected every time they make a mistake. True or false? Hi, I’m Mark Gregston … with Parenting Today’s Teens. [buzzing sound] False! Kids mess up all the time. And when they’re young, it’s appropriate for parents to correct and inform them. But as they become adults, it’s better to take a step back and let their own choices, good or bad, speak for themselves. Hey, I know how hard it is to stand on the sidelines while your teen makes a bad decision. But a day comes when they realize the values you instilled in them are like seeds in fresh soil. Look at it this way: If you till the earth all the time, you’ll never get a harvest. At some point, you need to step back … and let the seeds you’ve sown grow.

#1990 A few times every year, I gather the Heartlight staff, teens, and parents to celebrate. Hi, I’m Mark Gregston … with Parenting Today’s Teens. Our graduations at Heartlight aren’t like your typical ceremony. No flowing robes or funny hats. No diplomas or special awards. Instead, we simply come together and reflect on how far a student has come. In the end, Heartlight graduations are raw and unfinished. They’re not something you can wrap up and put a bow on. And that’s okay. Because we realize our graduate’s problems aren’t gone forever. But we send them off with tools to handle whatever the future holds. Maybe it’s time to hold a celebration with your family. Even though everything isn’t perfect … you can still look back and celebrate how far you’ve come. Let your sons and daughters know you’re equipping them to handle whatever the future might bring.

#1989 Mom, Dad … correcting this self- centered mindset begins at home. Does your life revolve around your teen? If so, it’s time to put that practice to rest. Parents should be coaches … not butlers, servants, or chauffeurs. So stop doing everything for your child … and start training them to have a selfless spirit. The world does not revolve around our teens!

#1988 When your child was younger, helping him with homework was no sweat. But have you taken a peek at what they’re learning now? Hi, I’m Mark Gregston … with Parenting Today’s Teens. Supposedly, I knew this stuff at one point in my life. But some of today’s subjects are way over my head. Chemistry, Geometry, A.P. World History … kids are brainiacs today. That’s because they’ve spent the majority of their school years being taught. And really, they don’t need any more lectures or facts. What they need, though, is a place to practice what they’ve learned. Are you the kind of parent that goes around thinking, “What lessons am I going to teach my child today?” Try this far better approach … “What questions am I going to ask my child t

#1987 The five things teens can’t get anywhere else except from Mom and Dad.

#1986 Sure, not every kid is destined to rule a country or run a Fortune 500 company. But every kid can be a leader. Hi, I’m Mark Gregston … with Parenting Today’s Teens. Leaders are those who govern themselves. They’re not mindless followers. They’re secure in what they know is right. And they walk in the truth, regardless of whether others come with them. Now that’s the type of person we want our sons and daughters to become. But how can parents raise leaders in their own home? It all starts with setting the example. Mom, Dad, show your teen how to do the right thing even when it’s hard, to persevere when the chips are down, to stay calm under pressure, and to treat others with respect. Leadership is caught, not taught. So if you want to raise a leader, you have to be one first.

#1985 Can you remember the last time you had a meaningful conversation with your teen? Hi, I’m Mark Gregston … with Parenting Today’s Teens. Hey, teens aren’t exactly the easiest people to talk to. Sometimes, getting even two or three words out of ‘em is a rare feat. So if you could use some help, here are some basic dos and don’ts for connecting one- on- one with your teen. Do ask thoughtful questions. Do spend more time listening than talking. Do give them your full, undivided attention. However… Don’t turn your conversation into a lecture. Don’t give your opinion, unless they ask for it. And don’t shut down their response with critical words or body language. Starting a conversation with your teen won’t always be easy. But with smart techniques and a humble heart … you can make a meaningful connection.

#526 – Student Story: Hope  Every teen is going to face the struggles of adolescence. But in some cases, life becomes so unbearable that teens start to shut down. This weekend on Parenting Today’s Teens, Mark Gregston helps parents uncover the deep and painful reasons why teens shut down—and how to respond. 

#1984 The rules you set for your first child worked like a charm. But when child number two has reached adolescence … and nothing’s working at all. What’s gone wrong? Hi, I’m Mark Gregston … with Parenting Today’s Teens. No two people are the same. Each person has his or her own likes, dislikes, learning styles and development levels. So every teen should be considered individually when it comes to making rules. And whatever their needs, remind your teen that rules are all about shaping their character. As Chuck Swindoll said recently, “Kids long to know how [rules] are going to benefit them … rather than why they’re important to you.” I have complete confidence that you can establish a working system of rules and consequences appropriate for your household. Just keep your teen in focus … and always be ready to adapt to their unique set of needs.

#1983 You want a better relationship with your teen? Well here’s a tip you might not expect. Embrace conflict! Hi, I’m Mark Gregston … with Parenting Today’s Teens. Now hear me out on this one. When you acknowledge tension and work through it, this communicates to your teen that you’re willing to take risks for their benefit. And it shows that you’ll always love them, no matter what. Now, that doesn’t mean you should stir up trouble where there is none. But here’s the point … ignoring unresolved conflict can cause tremendous damage to any relationship. Don’t become passive, or evasive, when your teen’s emotions flare up. Remember that God is directing your family. He can use this unwanted moment of conflict to strengthen your relationship with your teen. In fact, this could be the unexpected answer to your prayers. Mom, dad … embrace conflict!

#1982 You raised him well. You taught him strong values. Then one day, your teen made a 180- degree turn down the wrong path. What happened? Hi, I’m Mark Gregston … with Parenting Today’s Teens. Every child has a free will … just like you. And one of the hardest things for parents to do is let a child make their own decisions and create their own value systems. But through this process, teens discover their identity and become independent. My friend Chuck Swindoll said: “As kids get older, they grow larger wings to fly. You want to help prepare them so they don’t have a collision in the air while they’re flying.” While it may be hard to believe at the moment, their poor choices are actually a healthy thing. It’s how teens become mature, well-grounded adults. This is how they prepare to fly.