Parenting Today’s Teens

Sometimes our teen’s behaviors are inappropriate … but the motivation behind them is spot on. Hi, I’m Mark Gregston … with Parenting Today’s Teens. A number of years ago, I met with a 16-year-old boy named Nick. He was a good kid … but he’d become disobedient, dishonest, and disrespectful toward his parents. Mom and Dad were at their wits’ end. When I sat down with Nick, he opened up about life at home. His parents wouldn’t let him get a job. They told him what kind of haircut he needed. They only let him listen to Christian music. In short, all this kid wanted was some healthy freedom. Nick’s exact words to me were: “They’re smothering me and keeping me from where I want to be.” Like I said, sometimes our teen’s behaviors are inappropriate … but the motivation behind them is spot on.

Whether you’re admitting it to a spouse, a friend, or co-worker … they’re two of the hardest words you’ll ever say. Hi, I’m Mark Gregston … with Parenting Today’s Teens. Two words. “I’m sorry.” Hey, apologizing is never easy … especially when we’re apologizing to a child. But the truth is, even parents make mistakes. And admitting fault is a necessary step to restoring a damaged relationship. So where do you start? Well, the simplest way to begin the conversation with your son or daughter is to admit where you’ve been wrong. Tell them your mistakes … and then discuss your ideas for preventing them in the future. By sharing your own failures, you set the stage for a renewed relationship … and might just give your teen the motivation she needs to do the same. Is it time to say those two words?

When the heat’s on, the kettle starts whistling! And when tensions are high at home, trouble can’t be far away. This weekend on Parenting Today’s Teens, Mark Gregston offers ten practical ways to chill out with your teen and restore peace in your home. If you listen on a mobile phone or tablet, please download our Parenting Today’s Teens app available for Apple or Android. For more Parenting Today’s Teens resources, please visit www.parentingteenresources.org.

#1954 Even the most calm and collected people get angry sometimes. So when does a teen’s anger cross the line from ordinary … to alarming? Hi, I’m Mark Gregston … with Parenting Today’s Teens. Outbursts of anger are something that almost all teens indulge in from time to time. It’s just the nature of the beast. And while that doesn’t mean we have to accept or allow it … sometimes it’s a relief just to know that your teen isn’t the only one struggling. So when does adolescent fury call for immediate attention? I recommend taking action when his outbursts include profanity and show extreme disrespect … if he shows defiance to the standards and values of the home … or if he gets physical with any member of the family. Has your teen’s rage gone beyond normal boundaries? Mom, dad … don’t be afraid to take a stand.

#1953 You’ve heard me say that no parent should demand perfection from their teen. Yet some parents still expect it from themselves. Hi, I’m Mark Gregston … with Parenting Today’s Teens. Kids are bound to act out, be embarrassing, or behave in a way their parents don’t want them to. And many times, parents feel personally ashamed and discouraged by their child’s actions. They see their teen’s shortcomings as evidence of their own failures. Mom, dad, remember this: only God is perfect! Not your teen. Not you. And certainly not me. So quit trying to attain absolute perfection! Is there a chance that we’ll mess up? Guaranteed. But when you admit to your teen that you’re not perfect, it might make them feel a little more comfortable in their own imperfect skin. Let them know they’re surrounded by a family that truly understands, and shares, their flawed condition.

#1952 A while back, I was standing in line to go through airport security when a woman next to me pulled a laptop out of her bag … and proceeded to drop it right onto my big toe. Hi, I’m Mark Gregston … with Parenting Today’s Teens. Now, it was clearly an accident. But man, did it hurt! I was hobbling around the airport, limping from place to place. I must have looked pathetic. Later that day, though, I noticed some interesting things. My food didn’t taste as good. Important meetings suddenly seemed irrelevant. I felt angry instead of happy. In short, the pain had completely consumed my outlook. Is your teen always angry or easily irritated? Maybe his unpleasant moods are the effect of pain in his life. Dig a little deeper. Discover the root cause. Some day … he’ll thank you.

#1951 Over the years, we’ve watched countless childhood TV stars transition from innocent kids to out-of-control messes. And every time, we stop and wonder, “Man, what went wrong?” Hi, I’m Mark Gregston … with Parenting Today’s Teens. Whether it’s a young celebrity who’s gone rogue … or a teen under your own roof who’s spinning out of control, my reaction is always the same: all behavior is goal-oriented. Whether it’s drinking, drug abuse, or immodest behavior … it always points to something bigger. Our job as parents is to ask what that “something bigger” is. Is my teen trying to send me a message? Is she trying to declare independence? Is he trying to cover up the pain of an incident or trauma? The answer could be any number of issues. But when your teen starts acting out … keep this in mind: all behavior is goal-oriented.

In order to teach an old dog new tricks, you’ve got to take your strategy from teaching … to training. That’s just one of the shifts parents need to make when raising a maturing teen. This weekend on Parenting Today’s Teens, Mark Gregston unpacks three strategies to make the transition from adolescence to adulthood a whole lot smoother.

It’s easy to smile when things are great. But frankly … life isn’t always all that great. Hi, I’m Mark Gregston … with Parenting Today’s Teens. Everything seemed so much easier when the kids were younger! They giggled. They ran up and hugged you when you got home. And they could entertain themselves for hours with an empty box and some craft paper. But now they’ve turned into angry, brooding, money-grubbing creatures called teenagers. Hey, I know things are harder now. But there’s still plenty of room for joy, even when pushing through the hard years. Romans 12:12 says: “Be joyful in hope, patient in affliction, faithful in prayer.” (NIV) In a tough place today? It’s okay to fall apart. You’re in good hands. Ask God for fresh wind in your sails … and a bunch of joy.

Over the course of parenthood, you’ll face your fair share difficult situations and tough decisions. But one of the hardest things you’ll ever have to do might not be what you expect … trusting God! Hi, I’m Mark Gregston … with Parenting Today’s Teens. Whether you realize it or not, God’s got a plan for you, your teen, and your whole family. Maybe it’s hard to see when you’re in the thick of things. But even when life feels out of control … God’s still got it in His hands. I’ve got a homework assignment for you, and it isn’t going to be easy. I want you to think about the headache in your life today. The thing that’s always on your mind. Now, give it over to God … right now … and trust that He’ll see you through.

Would you ever tell me that you demand perfection from your teen? Probably not. But would your teen give the same answer? Hi, I’m Mark Gregston … with Parenting Today’s Teens. Over decades of working with kids, I’ve heard hundreds of sons and daughters say that their parents needed them to be perfect. Now, I imagine that very few parents would actually confirm that statement. But there’s clearly a pattern here. Even though you don’t verbally demand perfection, maybe your actions say otherwise. Let me encourage you today to reflect on your relationship with your teen. Could you silently be telling him that he needs to perform to earn your love? Try out one of my favorite axioms: “There’s nothing you can do to make me love you more. There’s nothing you can do to make me love you less.”

What is your definition of peace?  Is it a house with no yelling?  Maybe a few quiet moments without the kids making a mess? Hi, I’m Mark Gregston… with Parenting Today’s Teens. The world’s definition of peace is the absence of conflict.  But God’s definition of peace is hope in the middle of conflict.  When you struggle as a family… when there’s tension and disappointment in your relationships… you have the choice to trust God, and to see that the hardship will lead you to a deeper relationship with your teen. If you sweep struggle and conflict beneath the carpet, you’ll keep your family relationships from growing.  In fact… requiring a non- conflict home will only atrophy your family muscles!   Today, view peace from a different perspective.  Let God bring peace in the middle of conflict!

No matter how much we want to believe it… we aren’t perfect.  Dad… you’re not Superman!  Mom… you’re not Wonder Woman!  Are you ready to admit your weakness?   Hi, I’m Mark Gregston … with Parenting Today’s Teens.   Your teens already know you’re not perfect… but when you’re finally up front about your faults, you’ll actually build your relationship.  Your son and daughter are daily surrounded by voices that tell them they don’t measure up.  And when you get on his or her level and admit your own imperfection… you’re doing two things.  First, you’re helping your teen feel comfortable in his own skin.  And second, you’re teaching him how to have a confident, but realistic, assessment of himself. Being imperfect is okay.  And it doesn’t hurt to admit it!

Are you rested?  Refreshed?  If you’re the parent of a teen, you may not know what those words mean any more!   Hi, I’m Mark Gregston… with Parenting Today’s Teens.   In Matthew chapter 11, we read these comforting words from Jesus:  “Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened and I will give you rest.  Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls.”  That’s a warm invitation, isn’t it? When you’re exhausted emotionally, physically and spiritually, you can find refreshment in God’s embrace.  And… as He’s designed you to be a parent to your teens… you’re also called to offer that rest to them!  Jesus said, “Come to me, and you will find rest for your souls.”  

Well, traditionally January is the month when we make resolutions to live better, eat better, turn over a new leaf.  So… now that we’re nearing the end of the month, how ya doing with all those promises? Hi, I’m Mark Gregston… with Parenting Today’s Teens. On New Years Day, you might have dreamed about making this a better year for your family.  You wanted to take time for family dinners… maybe you decided to give your teen a little more responsibility.   It’s common to arrive three weeks later … miles away from your good intentions.  Is that you?   Hey, this parenting thing isn’t a one- resolution thing.  Start over today.  In fact… start over every day.  You can choose right now to spend time with your family… to encourage responsibility… and to do whatever necessary to help your family grow strong. Go ahead.  It’s not too late.  Make an end- of- January resolution!