Bad Soccer Dad

My conversation this week is with Naomi Norman. Naomi is my daughter and has been playing soccer for 10 years. Listen in while we talk about dealing with stress, dealing with parents, dealing with aggressive opponents, and other lessons she's learned along the way and what it's like to be the daughter of a bad soccer dad. 

My conversation this week is with Don Cousins. I first met Don over 20 years ago when he was a frequent guest speaker and consultant for the church I was serving in the Detroit area.  Don is currently on the senior leadership team at Discovery Church, a church with 3 locations in the Orlando area. Don and his wife MaryAnn have 3 adult children who played high school sports right across the street from our studio here in Holland, MI. Don’s also an NFL dad; His son Kirk is the Quarterback for the Minnesota Vikings.   Questions to Consider:  Don told Kirk, “All you can do is your best. If your best is not good enough, your best is not good enough. Your esteem as a person cannot be measured by whether or not you are the starter. Your esteem needs to be measured by you doing your best.” Don’s thoughts remind me of a quote from Brene Brown’s Rising Strong. She writes, “It’s always helpful to remember that when perfectionism is driving, shame is riding shotgun. Perfectionism is not healthy striving. It is not asking, How can I be my best self? Instead, it’s asking, What will people think?”

This week I had a conversation with Lisa Payne. She is the retired CFO and Vice chairman of Taubman Centers - a Public retail real estate company. Lisa is currently a full-time board member and sits on the boards for the Masco Corporation, Rockwell Automation in Milwaukee and JCPenney. She is the mother to two daughters who played high school, club and college volleyball.If you liked what you heard today,Subscribe to Bad Soccer Dad on iTunes, Google Play or Spotify.If you get a chance, leave us a review on iTunes. It helps other people join the conversation.You can also find us on Facebook at Bad Soccer Dad Podcast.Message me there with your questions, episode ideas and specific ways I can pray for your family.Questions to Consider: Lisa’s daughter is learning how to play volleyball for an “audience of one.”What do you think it means to do this? How can thinking of an “audience of one” free athletes to play with less pressure, more passion, and true joy? Lisa says if she had to do it over again, she might have encouraged her daughter to choose one sport, rather than play three throughout high school. Between school, sports, and other activities, what’s your child’s workload like these days?Lisa says her daughters learned how to deal with conflict and disappoint in their athletic careers. What is your athlete learning this season? What lesson would you like for them to learn over the course of their career?Lisa’s daughters had a checklist for their volleyball gear by the back door of their house. Have you ever had an athlete forgot to bring a piece of gear to a practice or game? Is there value in developing a checklist with your athlete so he or she can stay on top of what to bring and when?

For this episode I have a great conversation with Jake Zammit, the Director of Coaching for Legends FC in Brighton, MI. As a youth soccer player, Jake was a member of several Michigan State Championship Teams. In high school, Jake was a 4-time Varsity player at the University of Detroit Jesuit; winning a State Championship in 2001 and receiving All State honors. After High School, he accepted a full ride athletic scholarship to attend Quincy University in Illinois. US Soccer honored Jake as the 2018 Girls National Competitive Coach of the Year.    Questions to Consider: What is your child’s goal for their current season? What is their end goal for their youth sport? Is to play varsity in high school? Is it to play in college?   Jake says, “Parents and athletes have to be honest with each other about what they want to get out of the game.” Are you having honest conversations to make sure you’re on the same page?   If you haven’t already done so, sit down with your child to plot a course to get to the end game he or she really wants.   Jake says, “If you push your player too hard, you’ll eventually end up losing them.” How are you tempted to push your young athlete in ways that might not ultimately be helpful?   What aspect of your character or spiritual development do you want to focus on this season? Jake suggests “patience” or “conflict management” as a place to begin.   Follow BSD on Facebook today!  Message me there with your questions, episode ideas, or prayer requests.

For this episode I had a great conversation with Trygve and Kristen Deede Johnson. Kristen is the professor of Theology and Formation at Western Theological Seminary. Trgyve is the Hinga-Boersma Dean of the Chapel at Hope College. They are parents of two children.   Questions to Consider: Trygve talks of having to unlearn some of the lessons he learned in sports. One of those lessons is: “Your identity is defined by your performance.” In what area of your life are you tempted to equate your identity with your performance? Is it work? Parenting? You own athletic endeavors? Your spiritual journey?   When he was playing baseball in college, Trygve started asking “What if I played, not to win, but for beautiful moments?” Have you seen your athlete create beautiful moments, even if the game or match ended in a loss?   Kristen asks, “What is the cost of youth sports for our family?” and “What is the cost for our community?” Is there a risk that a focus on “my” kids hinders my ability to think about “our” kids?   One question that emerged in this episode is: “Is it OK not to play?” Another is: “Do we have permission to imagine alternative lives for our families?” How did this strike you? How would you answer this? How would you kids answer it?   Kristen offers three practices for parents of young athletes to focus on for their own spiritual formation. Which of these might be one you can focus on in the next week? Prayer – She mentions the prayer of examen. You can learn more about this here: upperroom.org/resources/the-examen Sabbath – Schedule breaks for rest Sleep – “It’s a tremendous act of trust.”    More from Kristen at kristenjohnson.org   Follow BSD on Facebook today!  Message me there with your questions, episode ideas, or prayer requests.

In today’s episode we get to hear from my friend, Rabbi Josh Bennett. Rabbi Bennett serves as one of the spiritual leaders of Temple Israel, Michigan. He’s been there since his ordination from the Hebrew Union College of Cincinnati, Ohio in 1994. Until 2 years ago, his son and my daughter played for the same Detroit-area soccer club. Rabbi Josh and his wife, Meg, are parents of three athletes and have spent many years in the worlds of youth soccer and gymnastics.  Questions to Consider: Josh asks, “What do I want my child to become?” Have you thought about this recently? What’s your hope for your kids? What kind of person do you want them to become?   After games, Josh says, “I wait for them to talk” and “Listening is more important than speaking.” What do you think? Is there value in withholding feedback immediately following a game? What would it look like for you to listen first?   Josh talks about the importance of starting with gratitude. What are you grateful for this season? What’s going right with this team, this coach, this experience?   Josh says when we have the option to give offer a critique or offer a compliment, err on the side of blessing. If you’re at all like me, you have some recurring critiques for your kids. “Run faster. Hustle harder. Toughen up.” I’m not saying these might not be valid, but if they’re all our children hear from us, we’ll end up sending the wrong message.   Josh says that the Jewish tradition of Sabbath offers a regular rhythm for him to bless his children. Do you have one? Could you start one? Where at least once a week you tell your kids they are gift to you regardless of who they are and what they’ve done? If you don’t have one yet, put a reminder in your calendar, for the same time each week and try it. If you do, let me know how it goes.

Today’s interview is with Brittany Reinbolt of the US National Bobsled Team. Brittany is a native of Southern California, but grew up in Searcy, Arkansas. While in Arkansas she spent most of my time playing soccer and running track. She attended Winona State University (in Minnesota) where she competed on the track and field team and studied Aviation and Physical Education. After college, she spent worked in the Aviation industry while playing women's full tackle football. Brittany spent two and a half years as a teacher and high school girls basketball coach in rural Augusta, Arkansas. In 2011 she made the U.S. National Bobsled Team and has been bobsledding ever since. She’s currently based out of the Olympic Training Centers in both Colorado Springs, CO and Lake Placid, NY but spend most of the year traveling for training and competitions. Want to follow Brittany or Instagram or Facebook? Instagram: @reinbolt_usa  Facebook: @BrittanyReinboltUSA TeamUSA Bio: https://www.teamusa.org/usa-bobsled-skeleton-federation/athletes/Brittany-Reinbolt Questions to Consider: Brittany says... “Sports is a fun thing we do. They’re not who we are.” It’s easy for us to lose our identity in competition. How do we make sure sports are where we find joy, but not our sense of self? “Bobsled reveals the truth in you.” What is this season teaching you about what you value? What can you celebrate? What do you need to re-evaluate? “You can be competitive without hating your competitors.” Are there athletes, clubs or teams you actively dislike? How can you bring your best game when you play them and still treat them with respect? “Don’t let politics in sports make you bitter or sad.” Where have you experienced injustice in your sport? How are you processing that?  “I always wanted to be an elite athlete, but I never really found the sport where I could find my niche.” Brittany had a sense that she could compete at an elite level, even before she ever tried bobsled. What does it mean for your young athlete to be a realistic dreamer? Do you have episode ideas or feedback for Steve? Instagram: @stevenorman Facebook: @stevejnorman

This episode features Molly Asmus. If you listened to Episode 5, you heard me interview her dad, Chip Asmus. Molly plays volleyball at the University of Dayton. She played volleyball and basketball for her middle school and high school teams. She started volleyball around the age of 12 on her first travel team. Molly is one of three kids in her family and has been involved in a youth group with her church since fourth grade.  Questions to Consider:   Molly said there was value in having friends that weren't teammates. Does your athlete have meaningful connections with peers who don’t play for his or her team? Molly’s parents said, “If volleyball isn’t right for you, that’s fine.” If your child decided to walk away from their primary sport today, could you release them to do so? If not, why not? Molly says, “It’s not easy being 6’1’’ in middle school.” Sometimes a child’s development or ability can make them feel like they stand out. How can we make them feel more comfortable in their own skin and lean into their true God-given identity?

For this episode I had an engaging conversation with Chip Asmus. Chip and his wife, Stephanie, have been married for 24 years and have 3 kids. Chip owns a staffing firm in Metro Detroit and Stephanie is the Manager of Accounting at Maserati. His oldest daughter, Molly has been playing competitive volleyball since 7th Grade. Currently she is finishing up her first year at University of Dayton where she is a Middle Blocker on the volleyball team. His middle daughter Katy, is a huge fan of Molly and her younger brother Ben. Ben is in 8th grade and his number one sport is Baseball, but also plays football and wrestles for his school teams. When they’re not driving our kids to different events, or going to watch meets, games or matches Chip and Stephanie try to keep our focus on God, Marriage, Kids and everything else. Questions To Consider: Have you taken time to evaluate the costs and benefits of your current youth sports commitments? If you say “yes” to a particular opportunity with a team, are you clear about what you’re saying “no” to? Chip says his comments at games changed when he started video recording Molly’s matches. He says, “The microphone is always open.” How would your comments from the sidelines change if you knew your they were being recorded? Do you currently feel a sense of community with the other families on your child’s team? If so, why do you think that’s the case? If not, what is one proactive step you could take this season to increase the sense of connection among these families?

In this episode I speak with Brad Griffin. Brad is the Director of the Fuller Youth Institute, where he develops research-based training for youth workers and parents. A speaker, blogger, and volunteer youth pastor, Brad is the coauthor of Growing Young, several Sticky Faith ​books, Right Click: Parenting Your Teenager in a Digital Media World, and the series Can I Ask That?: 8 Hard Questions about God and Faith.He and his family live in Southern California. The only six words parents need to say to their kids about sports—or any performanceQuestions:Brad says, “One of the things I pray over my kids every night is: I pray that know they’re loved and that they’ll know they’re never alone.” Do you have a practice of praying with or for your kids? If not, could you use Brad’s simple prayer as a model?Brad suggests coming up a with a pre-game ritual for parents to help them keep competition in perspective. If you write two or three statements to tell yourself before heading to your young athlete’s game, what would they be?Brad talks about debriefing a sports season with your child when it’s over. Is this something you currently do? If not, what questions would you like to ask your athlete when the season ends? If you son or daughter says they’d rather not continue, how will you respond? Why?

For this episode I had a great conversation with Dani Gordon.   Dani played travel and high school soccer, youth and high school basketball, summer softball and was a competitive figure skater until she was 12.     She played Division 1 college soccer at the University of Detroit, where she received a degree in mechanical engineering.    Dani also coached travel soccer for over 20 years in Michigan before moving to Cincinnati. She has a 13 year old daughter who plays soccer and basketball and a 10 year old son who plays hockey and soccer.   Full disclosure here, Dani was my daughter’s first club soccer coach. If there’s anything I’ve learned to do right as a sports parent, I likely picked it up from her.   Dani says parent sometimes view their kid’s athletic success as a status symbol.   Here’s some questions I’d love for you think about this week:  Is my pride the reason I need my kid to win? What do I need to do to make sure my insecurities aren’t bleeding into my kid’s sporting experience?  What steps to do I need to take to make sure I’m mindful of what’s best for their well-being?   If you liked what you heard today, subscribe to Bad Soccer Dad on iTunes, Google Play, or Spotify and leave us a review.

For this episode I had a great conversation with Malcolm and Marcy Blacken.   Malcolm Blacken is the Director of Player Development for the Washington Redskins. He previously served as a strength and conditioning coach for the Redskins, the Detroit Lions and the University of Colorado Buffaloes  He was also a running back and a four-time letter winner for Virginia Tech.   Marcy Blacken has over twenty years’ experience as group fitness instructor, trainer and manager in the fitness industry.   Also, Marcy was my boss when I was a group fitness instructor back in the day.  Yes, I taught a cycle class for 17 years.  No, I don’t want to talk about it.   Malcolm mentions that a head coach in the NFL is responsible for who a player is on the field. But the directory of player development is responsible for who the player is off the field.   Here’s are some questions I want you think about this week:  What would it look like for you to view yourself as the director of player development in your home?  What goals do you have for your child’s development as a person?  What steps are you taking to pursue them?   If you liked what you heard today, Subscribe to Bad Soccer Dad on iTunes, Google Play, or Spotify and leave us a review.

Michael is a New York Times bestselling author, co-founder of The New Day Foundation, a non-profit serving families fighting cancer, and former co-host of the radio show, Your Family Matters, on Salem Broadcasting in Detroit. He has also been a basketball coach for more than 30 years. He and his wife Gina have raised five children, all of whom were varsity athletes. He brings a unique perspective on youth sports and plus… he’s a native Chicagoan with a true appreciation for what actually constitutes a Deep Dish pizza.   One excellent question Michael asks is: “What’s your ‘why’? Why are you doing this?”   Have you paused to answer this question as a parent? Have you stopped to ask your young athlete the same question? Are you on the same page? Do you want the same things? If the answer is “yes,” we can move forward together. If not, maybe it’s time to re-evaluate what the next step is as a family.   If you liked what you heard today, Subscribe to Bad Soccer Dad on iTunes, Google Play, or Spotify and leave us a review.

Welcome to the Bad Soccer Dad Podcast! In this special preview episode, Steve recalled a memory from his time in youth soccer and called his mom up to get her side of the story.