Bad Soccer Dad

Jess McDonald plays for the North Carolina Courage of the National Women's Soccer League and is a member of the United States Women's National Soccer Team. She won an NCAA title with the North Carolina Tar Heels, 2 NWSL titles with the North Carolina Courage, and the 2019 FIFA Women’s World Cup. Jess was gracious enough to host my daughter Naomi and I for this interview at the North Carolina Courage training facility. A few days before we recorded this, my wife Kelly and Naomi saw the Jess and USWMNT play the Korea Republic team in Chicago. This game on October 6, was the farewell game for Jill Elliss, who coached the US team for five years. I started recording just after Naomi told Jess she was at that game.   Reflection: Jess’ grandmother is a source of constant encouragement to her. Who is a steady voice of encouragement to you?   Jess challenges us to use our words carefully, because kids are always listening. What kind of words and phrases do you want your kids to remember you saying?   Jess says, “The goal doesn’t move.” What goals are you pursuing in your own life these days? What steps can you take today to move towards accomplishing one of them?   What goals do you kids have in this season? How can you help them develop and execute a plan to reach them?

My today is with Ron Deal who is the Director of Family Life Blended. You can learn more about them at http://familylifeblended.com/ Reflection: Ron quotes a proverb that says, “When two elephants fight, the grass suffers.” Is there unresolved conflict in your family dynamic that is causing stress for your child? If so, what’s one step you can take this week toward owning your part in that conflict and addressing it?   Do you struggle to communicate on logistics when it comes to gear, practices and tournaments? Is there a weekly check-in system you could create to stay on top of these?   Romans 12:18 says, “If it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone.” What’s one way you might be able to pursue peace with your child’s parent or step-parent this week?

My conversation this week is with Mark Labberton, the president of Fuller Seminary. Mark and I met about six years ago when he was the Associate Professor of Preaching and director of the Ogilvie Institute of Preaching. He’s been an incredible mentor and a great source of encouragement to me over the years and am grateful for the wisdom he brings to this conversation.   You can learn more about Fuller at  www.fuller.edu   Reflection:  Mark said, “Competition is a valid and good thing. I think fairness, sportsmanship, the capacity to be the kind of person you want to be while you win is a different and richer goal. How do you nurture those kinds of values?”      Mark also said, “I think a parent that has a broader vision for what this season is about can find ways of introducing new culture. If only 2-5% of a population gain a common vision, then they can change the whole group. If you think about some sports teams, it’s not very many people who have to join you in that, it has to be more than one family, but taking it in that way, and doing it out of love, … can create a life-giving culture for your kids and their sports.” Is there another family or two you could partner up with to shape the culture of your team? Who are they? If you could make one change to your team culture as families that would make it a better environment for your kids to thrive, what would it be?   How do we affirm and practice that each one of us is fearfully and wonderfully made?   What would it be like if every kid in our team was aware they were valued as a part of the team, period, and not appreciated for their performance?  

My conversation this week is with Chip Huber, the Associate Vice President for Student Development and Athletics at Cornerstone University in Grand Rapids, MI. Chip and I met over 20 years ago and he’s been an inspiration to me as a leader and a parent.  I want to encourage to check out Chip’s site: www.nightofnets.org And consider starting something like it with your tennis, basketball, volleyball or soccer team.   Reflection: Chip says, “The Center for Ethics argues the better athlete you are, your character doesn’t really develop. It typically gets worse. Are we really helping athletes become people of character? Or do we push them so hard it compromises their character?   Chip said, “On our first trip to Zambia, we were kind of overwhelmed, but wanted to ask, ‘How do I leverage the power of sport to help meet the needs of my friends on the other side of the world?’” Is there a way your team or club can meet the needs of someone in your town, your school or even another country?     Consider these questions Chip proposes: How do we model, even for other parents, a gentle spirit? How do we embrace those relationships, as a fan, as a fellow parent? Can I get outside of myself for a moment? Can I get in my kid’s shoes? Can I get in the ref’s shoes? This really isn’t about this game, it’s about the future of who that athlete, that coach, that ref is going to be.

My conversation this week is with Belinda Bauman. She’s the Executive Director of One Million Thumbprints and the author of Brave Souls: Experiencing the Audacious Power of Empathy. Reflection:   Belinda says, “embracing our weakness leads to greatness.” Where have you found this to be true in your own life? How might it be true for your child/athlete this season and this year?   She also says sports are a great place to practice empathy, to learn other people have perspective other than my own. Who can your child learn from this season?   Another quote from the episode is, “Where sports engage the concept of peacemaking, they become the most accessible on ramp to conflict transformation that we have.” Have you seen sports act as a vehicle for healing or reconciliation in a community? If so, how?   Belinda says, “Empathetic listening is when we turn the noise down in our own head enough to hear and feel what the person in front of us is saying. Turning our own noise down in our head lets us read the air around the person that’s talking to us.” Who are you struggling to show empathy to these days? Is it your child? A coach? A teammate or teammates’ family? Have you been quick to write someone off because you haven’t stopped to learn the whole story? What might you change to see them for who they truly are, not as the person you’ve decided they are?    

My conversation this week is with Kara Powell. She’s the is the executive director of the Fuller Youth Institute (FYI) and assistant professor of youth and family ministry at Fuller Seminary. She is also author of many books, including, "Growing With: Every Parent's Guide to Helping Teenagers and Young Adults Thrive in Their Faith, Family, and Future"   Reflection: Kara says: “I want to be the goalie that keeps tough experiences out of my kids net, but often the best growth happens through those struggles.”   What struggles are you trying to save your kids from these days? What might happen if we let them process those struggle on their own? Who can they become and we can we become if we allow our suffering to help us persevere, transform and grow?   Kara says kids are asking three big questions: Identity- “Who am I?” Belonging- “Where do I fit?” Purpose- “What difference do I make?” Which of these questions do you see your kid asking these days? How is their sports experience helping them process the answer to that question?   Kara talks about being a wall your child can come back to. When are you tempted to disengage with your teenager when they are separating from you in a normal and healthy way? Are there times you feel hurt by your child, even if it was unintentional?   What can your kid learn from others on their team? What can they give to others on their team?   As our kids enter their late teens and early twenties, we learn that giving unsolicited advice doesn’t work. How do you show support for your kids even when they’re making decisions you wish they weren’t?

My conversation this week is with Kutter Callaway. He’s a professor of theology and culture at Fuller Seminary, the co-director of Reel Spirituality, a husband, father of daughters and Denver Broncos fan.   If you liked what you heard today, Subscribe to Bad Soccer Dad on Apple Podcasts, Google Play or Spotify and leave us a review. Thanks so much for listening and we’ll catch you next week!   Reflection: Kutter says, Regardless of what your family rules end up being… you as the parent need to be actively involved in the conversation. “I don’t want to do the work of parenting… so you can’t watch anything. I don’t want to do the work of parenting … so you can watch everything.” Sometimes I punt on my kids’ media choices, because we’re tired or intimidated. But helping our kids know what to watch, why we watch it and how to watch it with a critical eye is a gift to them. What are your family guidelines for this these days? Are you watching things together and discussing them? Or is everyone retreating to their individual corners and consuming sports, shows or social media alone?   When you watch sports together, can you acknowledge what God might be doing in and through a game and celebrate it together?   When you watch TV, are you able to do so critically? Can you say, this scene or this character or this dialogue doesn’t represent what we value and who we want to be? And this is why?   What did you think about Kutter’s comments on gaming? Do you agree that there are both upsides and risks for online gaming? What do you think those are for your family?

My conversation this week is with Craig Custance. Craig is The Athletic's editor-in-chief for the NHL-US and group managing editor for Detroit, Chicago, Pittsburgh and Florida. He's also host of The Full 60 podcast. He joined The Athletic after nearly a decade covering the NHL as a national hockey writer, the last six as a senior writer for ESPN.com. Before covering the NHL, he was an award-winning journalist with the Atlanta Journal-Constitution. He's the author of “Behind the Bench: Inside the Minds of Hockey’s Greatest Coaches."   Reflection: Craig says, “You want your kid to overcome pain and struggle and in sports where the stakes aren’t really that high.” What lessons do you want to learn in this fall season? What lessons is your child already learning? Where are the opportunities for him or where to power through adversity or get better because of it? Lessons is: how to power through it, how to get better and develop   If you liked what you heard today, Subscribe to Bad Soccer Dad on Apple Music, Google Play, Spotify, or Stitcher and leave us a review. Thanks so much for listening and we’ll catch you next week!   Follow Craig on Twitter @CraigCustance   If you want to read Craig’s book, you can find it here: https://www.amazon.com/Behind-Bench-Hockeys-Greatest-Coaches/dp/1629372447

My conversation this week is with Jack Wilson. He’s a former administrator at Oakland University in Rochester Hills, MI. He’s a therapist, corporate coach and sports performance expert. Jack is also a friend and mentor. 19 years ago, Jack helped Kelly and I with our premarital counseling. So, if there’s anything dysfunctional in our marriage, it’s only because I didn’t follow his directions well.   Reflection: Jack says “A person who can master release is someone who can keep their own ego in check.” Jack Nicklaus famously said, “If you care whether the putt goes in the hole or not, you’ll never be a good putter.” You have to care about the process. There are so many variables over which you have no control, so you do the process as well as you can. The athlete who can focus on the process and move on has the highest potential for success.” How do you do at letting go of mistakes and misses? How does your young athlete do at recovering from a fumble? Missed putt? Bad shot? How might your incorporate Jack’s four step process: Plan/ Execute/ Evaluate/ Release going forward?   If you liked what you heard today, Subscribe to Bad Soccer Dad on Apple Podcasts, Google Play, Spotify, or Stitcher and leave us a review. Thanks so much for listening and we’ll catch you next week!

My conversation this week is with Gina Spehn and Sam Kell. Gina is a best-selling author, speaker and Co-Founder of the New Day Foundation. Her son Sam Played varsity basketball and is starting his first year of college at Oakland University in Rochester, MI.   Questions to Consider:  Gina says that ultimately, in our quest to trust God, the outcomes don’t really matter. That God has a plan for us, even if we don’t see it or understand it.   Where the one area in your life where you’re struggling with needing a particular outcome? Can you, will you ask God for the grace and strength to take the next clear step in your journey, even if you don’t know where it will take you?   Resources: If you want to learn more about the New Day Foundation, visit: https://www.foundationforfamilies.org/   To check out Sam’s radio show, go here: https://www.facebook.com/pg/dialedindetroit/about/?ref=page_internal   To learn more about Gina’s book, The Color of Rain, go here:  https://www.amazon.com/Color-Rain-Families-Found-Tragedy/dp/0310318890

This week I get to speak with Brian Bolt and Chad Carlson. Brian is a professor of Kinesiology and the men’s golf coach at Calvin University. Chad is an Associate Professor of Kinesiology/Director of General Education at Hope College.   They are the co-hosts of the 2nd Global Congress on Sport and Christianity, which will be held this October at Calvin University in Grand Rapids, MI. They also host a podcast on sport, faith, and life called Dig Deep.     Reflection: Chad said, “Anything we love deeply has the potential to move from a good thing to the ultimate thing. Then it moves into the area of an idol.” Here’s one question I’d love for you think about this week: How do keep sport in its lane? What decisions or conversations should we pursue to make sure it remains a good thing and doesn’t become the only thing?.   Don’t forget to check out Brian and Chad’s podcast: Dig Deep on iTunes and take some time to register for the conference. You can learn more at: https://calvin.edu/events/2GCSC/   If you liked what you heard today, Subscribe to Bad Soccer Dad on iTunes, Google Play or Spotify and leave us a review. Thanks so much for listening and we’ll catch you next week!

You've heard from Naomi and Jo, now hear from my youngest athlete, Mariam! Stay tuned for our regular interviews that are coming back this month. You can find us on Facebook by searching for Bad Soccer Dad Podcast and be sure to subscribe wherever you listen.

This summer is flying by! This week we're doing a mid-summer special edition checkin with two very special athletes, Naomi and Jo Norman. Join in on this behind the scenes conversation while we are prepping for the upcoming fall interview season. Have any feedback or suggestions? Find us on Facebook at Bad Soccer Dad Podcast and send us a message! 

We’re doing some shorter episodes for the summer, but will return to our interview format in August, just in time for the fall sports season.  If you caught the last episode, you heard a portion of the Father’s Day message I gave at Central. In it, I referenced some advice from Brad Griffin of the Fuller Youth Institute, my guest in Episode 4. He says when we pray for our kids we should pray they would know: 1) They are loved and 2)That they’re never alone. After I gave that Father’s Day message in Holland, I drove straight to Chicago to be with my Dad, who was hospitalized. His pain had been difficult to manage, and he was drifting back and forth between waking and sleeping. But he knew I was there and wished me a “Happy Father’s Day.” And then my family, Kelly and our kids and my sisters and my mom prayed those two prayers for him: "Dad, you’re loved and you’re not alone. Dad, you are deeply and dearly loved. And you’re never alone." It would be our last Father’s Day together. Here are 5 lessons I learned from my dad…

Take a listen to this excerpt from Father’s Day at Central Wesleyan Church in Holland, MI. Sometimes we as dads (and moms, and grandparents, etc.) struggle with needing to be in control. In today’s episode you can hear about how not being in control is actually liberating and how to pray for your children with that in mind. For more like this, visit centralwesleyan.org. Stay tuned for more episodes this summer where we’ll be diving into different books and topics every other week and get ready for season 2 of The Bad Soccer Dad podcast launching this fall with some fun guests. As always, if you like what you heard today, subscribe to the podcast on iTunes, Google Play, or Spotify and leave us a review. Have ideas or feedback? Find us on Facebook at Bad Soccer Dad Podcast.