Better Than Happy

Guilt and shame are not useful emotions and not necessary. Everything that happened in the past is exactly how it was supposed to happen. The decisions you made. The events you cherish and the ones you wish you could erase forever. All of it is right on track. In addition, making the best choice you can is important, but there is no wrong choice. You will make it right. You don’t need to prove your value or worth. You really don’t. All of these things I teach tend to cause people to ask me, “If this is true then why try? Why not live a life of indulgence and even selfishness?” The answer? Because human beings have a basic need to grow, contribute and be love. We’re not satisfied with mastery because mastery is boring. We’re not satisfied with ease and comfort all the time because we’re designed for so much more. When you recognize that you crave challenge, you have a need to stretch and grow, and you are love at your core, you realize that trying is just part of who you are. And you don’t need to feel shame, guilt, resentment, self-pity or regret to try. In fact the opposite is true. Feel compassion and love and empowerment and that, is how you truly evolve.

Studies show that 100% of our kids will view pornography by age 18. On episode 111 I talked about some useful ways to think about porn when this happens or if you have a spouse who views it. Today we’re continuing the conversation about this important and sensitive topic. I believe knowledge is power and the more we know about the effects of pornography and useful ways to interact with one another, the more we’ll be able to show up as our best, most loving, most capable selves. Dr. Brian Willoughby is one of the top scholars on this topic and a Professor at BYU. I found his insights and research to be fascinating and empowering and I know you will too. Whether you have a loved one who views pornography or you want to empower yourself for the day your kids view it, trust me… you don’t want to miss this episode.

Most people are living their lives unconscious of what is creating their emotions and a portion of this includes mirroring the emotions of others. We get mad that our husbands are mad about something. We worry about our children when they are worried. We feel negative about our sisters’ negativity. This is a tool I use with my clients to gain awareness which is the first step to creating a more peaceful life. When you recognize your brain is just mirroring emotions, you can choose a different emotion instead. You get off the roller coaster of being at the affect of the people around and instead decide for yourself what you want in your life.

We have so much knowledge about how to take care of ourselves physically. We teach our kids about nutrition and we understand the value of exercise. We brush our teeth even when we don’t have a toothache. All of this in the name of physical hygiene. But when it comes to our mental and emotional health most people have no idea where to begin with hygiene. Today I’m going to help you get started. To begin with I’ll talk about some of the most common mental injuries including failure, rejection or judgement, disappointment and those sucker-punches life delivers us at times. Then I’m going to give you three main strategies to practice mental hygiene which will help you recover from mental injuries as well as develop mental resilience. I’ll teach you about becoming a curious watcher of your mind, becoming love and gratitude, and operating in full faith and trust in God. Press plan and let’s get to work on your mental health.

It’s common in a marriage for one person to take a one-up position and the other a one-down. This dynamic can easily get reinforced over time and ultimately causes problems in the marriage. Today I’m taking you on a deeper dive of what each looks like so you can identify where you place yourself in your marriage. Then I’m talking you through the main problems created with this type of inequality in your mind. The goal for each of us should be equality in our marriage. If we view ourselves as equal partners then we show up at our best, we drop resentment and entitlement, and we feel more attracted to and appreciative of our spouses. This is what the healthiest, happiest marriages look like. Tune in to learn more. Have questions? Sign up here to attend a free Ask Jody Anything call.

How do you know if you should have another baby or you’re done? And what if you feel you should have more but your husband is done? How do we know what Heavenly Father wants for us and how can we find peace about such a big decision? Today I’m taking you through the process I take my clients through to make this decision and in the end we always come to realize that the only reason we worry is because of our desire to feel good in the future and to avoid feeling regretful or bad in the future. So let’s remember that the way we feel in the future will be because of what we think in the future. It won’t be because of what we’re thinking now and it absolutely won’t be because we had a baby or didn’t have a baby. The baby is the circumstance. Circumstances are never the reason for our feelings. Once you truly understand this you’ll realize there is no wrong decision. Just make a decision. And carry on.  

When you’re in an emergency situation your brain knows to laser focus in on what’s happening right here right now. It’s one of the amazing functions of the amygdala. But when we’re in the midst of a trial or challenge, zooming in to have a more short-term focus can be useful. It can help you operate with more peace and success. In addition, when you are working on a goal or striving to improve yourself or an aspect of your life, I want to recommend that you lengthen your lens. It’s challenging for the brain to think about what you really want in 10 or 20 years and even more challenging to think as big as what is truly possible. But the more clearly you can decide what you want, the easier your decisions become and the more likely you are to get to your ideal future. Check out today’s episode for more details. CLICK HERE to learn more about Be Bold Bootcamp Nov 4th in Utah CLICK HERE to join Jody on a live call and ask her anything.

Circumstances are neutral. Always. Our brains don’t always want to embrace this and often don’t remember it, but it’s still true. Today I’m teaching you three things that prevent us from really understanding this. Number one, we have memorized thought loops that have to be retrained in our brains or the feeling we have about circumstances happens instantly. Secondly, if everyone around us has the same opinion we do about our circumstance, we have a hard time recognizing that all of this is optional. Finally, the stories we tell ourselves about circumstances determine the details our brains look out for. Over time, we collect entire file cabinets full of evidence in our minds that make it difficult to let go of our beliefs. Also on today’s episode, I’ll be taking you through and entire list of seemingly positive circumstances and seemingly negative ones, and showing you why they are actually neutral. I want you to own what you’re creating for yourself because once you do, you have the ability to create any result you want in your life. Regardless of your circumstance. Let’s give you the power back over your experience. You’re the one who can do something about it. To join the Happy Healthy Moms Summit CLICK HERE. To join me at live at Be Bold Bootcamp in Utah CLICK HERE.

When we operate from gratitude and abundance, we attract more goodness into our lives. We get to experience the world differently. We get to feel what we desire to feel right here and right now even without anything changing or without having anything different. Today I’m teaching you about appreciation (which I like to utilize to build confidence and recognize my own value which comes from Heavenly Father who created me) as well as gratitude and abundance and how to experience more of them in your life. Finally, we’re learning about why desire is a healthy part of human behavior and how to desire from a place of abundance rather than from a place of lack.

I have an amazing mom. Seriously. The best. She’s been on my mind a lot lately as she is battling some health issues and my heart is hurting for her. Today I want to share with you 20 things I learned from her so as to share her with all of you and pay tribute to this woman I love. Here we go… let’s do it.

In the LDS Church we’re counseled to stay away from pornography and taught that it can have a negative impact on relationships and on the home and family. Today I want to teach you more about what goes on in the brain with pornography and my goal is to minimize the damage that pornography can cause in your home and your life if you or someone you love struggles with it. I’ve learned a lot from Dr. Jennifer Finlayson-Fife about this topic and I don’t believe there is a need to be disgusted, fearful or worried. Your brain may believe that being worried and disgusted is useful, but I assure you it is not. What if viewing porn, while not an ideal choice, is a result of the same brain patterns as eating brownies with ice cream? What if, while it’s not recommended, it’s also nothing to be so fearful or shaming over? What would change in the way we talk about and help someone through this addiction if we completely removed the disgust and shame and fear? Let’s begin with us. Today I’m going to teach you how.

Last week I did a Q/A call. You showed up and brought amazing questions! I loved answering them from you and wanted everyone who couldn’t be there to benefit from hearing them. It’s the real life application of this work that makes it life altering. Check it out here. Real questions. Real answers. CLICK HERE to check out the Be Bold Coaching Program CLICK HERE to access the video replay of this call.

There are three types of people operating in this world. The first type of person doesn’t realize that they are the cause of all of their emotions and outcomes in life. They believe that outside forces are the reason and they delegate the responsibility to them leaving themselves powerless in their lives. The second type of person doesn’t sit back and remain a victim. Instead they step up and change their circumstances to make things better. This is a step in the right direction but still not the highest way to live. Because while changing a circumstance might provide temporary relief, eventually we catch up to them and find ourselves right back where we started. The third type of person understands that their work to do when life isn’t as amazing as it could be, is to change their own thoughts, feelings and actions. They do the internal work to become a higher version of themselves. These people still change circumstances when they can, but for a very different reason than the second type of person. They aren’t making the change to get out of pain. They change circumstances when they want to because that part of their life is complete and they are ready for the next one. To join me in Be Bold and spend more time as this third type of person, CLICK HERE.

Anxiety is defined as a form of worry, fear or stress but if you’ve ever experienced anxiety, you know it’s much more than that. Anxiety is a secondary emotion and it’s caused by resisting the primary emotion which is likely worry, stress or fear. Today I’m going to teach you what to do with the primary emotion to keep it from escalating. I’m also going to help you know what to do when (despite your best efforts) you find yourself experiencing anxiety anyway. It’s the resisting of the anxiety that can escalate you to a full-on panic attack. It feels counterintuitive to allow and lean into our negative emotions, but I promise you it will serve you far better. And don’t forget, Heavenly Father created us to experience all emotions and for good reason including our need to avoid danger and to experience opposition in all things. This is the only way we can become like Him.

Dr. Deb Butler is a Master Certified Life and Weight Coach and today she’s sharing with us some of her most valuable tools. First we’ll learn about the hunger scale and why most of us have lost touch with our bodies. When you learn to eat when you’re just slightly hungry and stop when you’re just slightly full, your body will be your guide and you get back in touch with what food should be… fuel for your body. If you’re like me, you’ll find that eating only when you’re hungry and stopping when you’re full can be very disappointing, and THIS is where the true work on your mind comes in. When you learn to handle the disappointment in your life instead of numbing it by eating, you create a better life and a better relationship with yourself. Listen up as Deb shares client examples as well as her own struggle from a Lifetime Weight Watchers member to where she is today. Free from food. At peace with food. And naturally thin and healthy. To sign up for a free 30 min personalized coaching session with Dr. Deb CLICK HERE To sign up for a public coaching/Q&A call with Jody CLICK HERE