Better Sex

An intimate conversation with a legal sex workerMy guest, Alice Little, works at the Moonlight Bunny Ranch in Nevada, which is a legal brothel and where she has worked for the last three years. And as she states during the interview, before she became a courtesan at the Bunny Ranch, she was a sex educator. In fact, she is still very much involved in combining sex and education together through her work, mainly because of how lacking sex education in her public schooling curriculum was for her.And when asked if transitioning from sex education to work was a difficult process, she stated that they were much more connected than she had originally expected. In fact, a lot of her guests are asking questions about how to gain sexual expertise and are looking for demonstrations that they can learn from for better sex. She estimates about 50-60% of her guests are in it for the education alone! For more on the interesting perspective of Alice Little and her expertise, listen along and enjoy!Our Phobia of SexAlice states that the reason so many brothels are stigmatized is a result of our collective fear of sex and its many expressions. We have a phobia for pleasure and for being outspoken towards that pleasure. And as a result of this, there is a void in most conversations because people are afraid to express their sexuality.Couples Therapy from AliceAlice says that the most common reason for a couple visiting a legal sex worker is not to bring spice to the bedroom in the traditional sense! In fact, it’s often to learn new positions and to “spread the pleasure around to both partners” as Alice puts it, through the incorporation of sex pillows and other similar things.And really, the biggest reason for a couple to visit a legal brothel is to learn the communication skills needed to further and deepen their bedroom connection. What this means is that often couples have a hard time communicating what exactly they desire in the bedroom and can’t muster the courage to express it. A visit to a legal brothel often provides the necessary context, push, you name it, for that communication to take place. For much more on this, tune in!Possibility for Long-term ConnectionAlice states that there are many different dynamics that she experiences with her work. Sometimes she plays the role of a girlfriend, where she meets the sexual and connection needs of her guests. Other times visits are divided up into various stages of sexual development, where the guest satisfies a need, goes in as a couple to work on his and her pleasure and even dating skills between the said couple. Really, there are a wide array of reasons for visiting.The Hardest Part About the WorkAlice states that the biggest challenge she has encountered through her work has been with social media and its one-dimensional nature. Her clients, in fact, are always very respectful, so she really doesn’t have any complaints about the difficulty of her job. But a positive experience with social media is by far the hardest facet though because of how limiting it can be, according to Alice.The Difference Between Legal Sex Work in Nevada and Every Other StateIn her opinion, Alice thinks that those in her profession have so much to offer as service people. With that in mind, it is regrettable that only Nevada offers sexual services in a legal capacity. And in regard to those who come to participate in legal sex from a brothel in Nevada, the intention is usually to seek education versus the rest of the country where that may or not be the case given the illegality of the act and the often shadowy stigma that pervades the profession. For Alice’s take on this subject, listen along!Sex Worker Stereotypes and StigmasAlice makes it a point to be forthright about her profession. Honestly, it is inspiring to hear how strong her conviction is on the possibilities...

An intimate conversation with a legal sex workerMy guest, Alice Little, works at the Moonlight Bunny Ranch in Nevada, which is a legal brothel and where she has worked for the last three years. And as she states during the interview, before she became a courtesan at the Bunny Ranch, she was a sex educator. In fact, she is still very much involved in combining sex and education together through her work, mainly because of how lacking sex education in her public schooling curriculum was for her.And when asked if transitioning from sex education to work was a difficult process, she stated that they were much more connected than she had originally expected. In fact, a lot of her guests are asking questions about how to gain sexual expertise and are looking for demonstrations that they can learn from for better sex. She estimates about 50-60% of her guests are in it for the education alone! For more on the interesting perspective of Alice Little and her expertise, listen along and enjoy!Our Phobia of SexAlice states that the reason so many brothels are stigmatized is a result of our collective fear of sex and its many expressions. We have a phobia for pleasure and for being outspoken towards that pleasure. And as a result of this, there is a void in most conversations because people are afraid to express their sexuality.Couples Therapy from AliceAlice says that the most common reason for a couple visiting a legal sex worker is not to bring spice to the bedroom in the traditional sense! In fact, it’s often to learn new positions and to “spread the pleasure around to both partners” as Alice puts it, through the incorporation of sex pillows and other similar things.And really, the biggest reason for a couple to visit a legal brothel is to learn the communication skills needed to further and deepen their bedroom connection. What this means is that often couples have a hard time communicating what exactly they desire in the bedroom and can’t muster the courage to express it. A visit to a legal brothel often provides the necessary context, push, you name it, for that communication to take place. For much more on this, tune in!Possibility for Long-term ConnectionAlice states that there are many different dynamics that she experiences with her work. Sometimes she plays the role of a girlfriend, where she meets the sexual and connection needs of her guests. Other times visits are divided up into various stages of sexual development, where the guest satisfies a need, goes in as a couple to work on his and her pleasure and even dating skills between the said couple. Really, there are a wide array of reasons for visiting.The Hardest Part About the WorkAlice states that the biggest challenge she has encountered through her work has been with social media and its one-dimensional nature. Her clients, in fact, are always very respectful, so she really doesn’t have any complaints about the difficulty of her job. But a positive experience with social media is by far the hardest facet though because of how limiting it can be, according to Alice.The Difference Between Legal Sex Work in Nevada and Every Other StateIn her opinion, Alice thinks that those in her profession have so much to offer as service people. With that in mind, it is regrettable that only Nevada offers sexual services in a legal capacity. And in regard to those who come to participate in legal sex from a brothel in Nevada, the intention is usually to seek education versus the rest of the country where that may or not be the case given the illegality of the act and the often shadowy stigma that pervades the profession. For Alice’s take on this subject, listen along!Sex Worker Stereotypes and StigmasAlice makes it a point to be forthright about her profession. Honestly, it is inspiring to hear how strong her conviction is on the possibilities...

The Importance of Talking About SexMy guest, Pam Costa, spent a decade-and-a-half at both Apple and Facebook. After having a life-changing experience with a sex therapist during a session, she realized that a transition to sex therapy was where she belonged.Since that realization, she has founded Down To There (https://www.downtothere.com/) and has helped many couples reclaim balance in their relationship. She has done a talk at TEDx Palo Alto and is working diligently on raising awareness for female sexual health and peer support.Very recently she has presented and garnered support at the 2018 International Society for the Study of Women’s Health conference and is continuing to do very important work in the field. And in this episode, she shares her story and everything that she has learned on peer groups and desire discrepancy through her experience. Listen along and enjoy!The Transition from Tech to Speaking About SexAs most transitions into the sexuality sphere tend to be, Pam’s journey into her career came about unexpectedly. After going to a sex therapist with her husband to find a solution for their sexual desire discrepancy, her eyes were opened to the utility and value the profession brought to her relationship and could bring to many others. Ultimately, it sparked a curious streak inside of Pam’s mind that led to her switching from a career in the tech realm to that of a sex therapist! Always interesting to hear how various individuals end up in the profession, either the traditional route or from completely different camps. Listen in to learn more!Lessons She Learned from Sex TherapyAs Pam states, her husband had easy access to pleasure within his body. Because Pam had yet to cultivate a more readily accessible wellspring of pleasure to draw from within herself, she would reject her husband’s advances and then feel guilty afterward. This patterning of advance and then rejection left the couple disconnected in this facet of their relationship.And immediately, one of the first questions that Pam was asked by her sex therapist was how she was raised to respond and internalize sex and pleasure in general. At first, the question made her scratch her head, but she soon saw the value in interrogating the way she was raised and taught to suppress sexual desire and not talk about it. Armed with the right questions to ask, Pam started unlocking the desire within herself; long before she had figured herself broken or not normal, but in reality, she was extremely normal and had ready access to pleasure and desire within herself.She learned much more things from her time with the sex therapist; she goes into more detail during the episode.The Start of Her Sex Therapy PracticeWhat started as her having edifying talks about her sex life with a girlfriend once a week, turned into more and more friends meeting up and talking about important issues that all women in relationships should be having. Pam said she would supply book club-type prompts for every participant, and they would work through the topics and questions. After spearheading these meetings and seeing hundreds of women discuss their sex lives, she decided to “get some numbers behind it” and really see if she could quantitatively analyze the efficacy of the sexual talks. And yes, the numbers reflected just how beneficial it is to have girlfriends get together and talk about sex.What About the Men in This Equation?A lot of time men don’t get the attention they deserve when desire discrepancy comes up. And yes, men are in the position of not wanting sex as often. And so, as Pam states, after she started setting up the discussion groups, even her husband expressed interest in setting up his own group to discuss sexual aspects of his relationship. This does go to show the power of...

The Importance of Talking About SexMy guest, Pam Costa, spent a decade-and-a-half at both Apple and Facebook. After having a life-changing experience with a sex therapist during a session, she realized that a transition to sex therapy was where she belonged.Since that realization, she has founded Down To There (https://www.downtothere.com/) and has helped many couples reclaim balance in their relationship. She has done a talk at TEDx Palo Alto and is working diligently on raising awareness for female sexual health and peer support.Very recently she has presented and garnered support at the 2018 International Society for the Study of Women’s Health conference and is continuing to do very important work in the field. And in this episode, she shares her story and everything that she has learned on peer groups and desire discrepancy through her experience. Listen along and enjoy!The Transition from Tech to Speaking About SexAs most transitions into the sexuality sphere tend to be, Pam’s journey into her career came about unexpectedly. After going to a sex therapist with her husband to find a solution for their sexual desire discrepancy, her eyes were opened to the utility and value the profession brought to her relationship and could bring to many others. Ultimately, it sparked a curious streak inside of Pam’s mind that led to her switching from a career in the tech realm to that of a sex therapist! Always interesting to hear how various individuals end up in the profession, either the traditional route or from completely different camps. Listen in to learn more!Lessons She Learned from Sex TherapyAs Pam states, her husband had easy access to pleasure within his body. Because Pam had yet to cultivate a more readily accessible wellspring of pleasure to draw from within herself, she would reject her husband’s advances and then feel guilty afterward. This patterning of advance and then rejection left the couple disconnected in this facet of their relationship.And immediately, one of the first questions that Pam was asked by her sex therapist was how she was raised to respond and internalize sex and pleasure in general. At first, the question made her scratch her head, but she soon saw the value in interrogating the way she was raised and taught to suppress sexual desire and not talk about it. Armed with the right questions to ask, Pam started unlocking the desire within herself; long before she had figured herself broken or not normal, but in reality, she was extremely normal and had ready access to pleasure and desire within herself.She learned much more things from her time with the sex therapist; she goes into more detail during the episode.The Start of Her Sex Therapy PracticeWhat started as her having edifying talks about her sex life with a girlfriend once a week, turned into more and more friends meeting up and talking about important issues that all women in relationships should be having. Pam said she would supply book club-type prompts for every participant, and they would work through the topics and questions. After spearheading these meetings and seeing hundreds of women discuss their sex lives, she decided to “get some numbers behind it” and really see if she could quantitatively analyze the efficacy of the sexual talks. And yes, the numbers reflected just how beneficial it is to have girlfriends get together and talk about sex.What About the Men in This Equation?A lot of time men don’t get the attention they deserve when desire discrepancy comes up. And yes, men are in the position of not wanting sex as often. And so, as Pam states, after she started setting up the discussion groups, even her husband expressed interest in setting up his own group to discuss sexual aspects of his relationship. This does go to show the power of...

My guest Lara McElderry knows all about the struggles of being married to a surgeon: the crazy hours, the extensive amount of time spent in training, and the toll it can take on any relationship dynamic. And in this episode, she offers up her time and provides some tips and advice for those who might be in the middle of a similar situation. It doesn’t matter if a medical related position or not, all careers have the potential to be disruptive to a relationship and there are ways around sacrificing the longevity and health of your love and sex life.Lara went to school for Family and Consumer Science and has a master’s degree in teaching from the University of Arkansas. And she lives in Missouri with her trauma surgeon husband and her children. Listen along and enjoy!Married to DoctorsLara begins this episode with some important details about her marriage and how despite the unique aspects of it and the stressful medical school, training, and moving that it entailed, that she still learned how to achieve the proper balance of intimacy with her husband. Now she now has a podcast called Married to Doctors and has learned some valuable things along the way about intimacy and relationships.The Challenges That Demanding Careers Can Have on RelationshipsWhen talking about her marriage with her trauma surgeon husband, the biggest challenge that she highlights is the difference in responsibilities that arise from different perspectives, careers, and work dynamics. Like many relationships, Lara was a stay-at-home mom and found it challenging to work with her husband coming home from work and wanting to spend intimate time with her almost immediately.But as she said, she soon realized that it was ok to leave the dishes dirty, and X and Y and Z unattended, even though she struggled with doing so. Especially because she grew up in a household where sleep was foregone if the dishes weren’t done or other responsibilities weren’t taken care of.In her husband’s eyes, there was only a small amount of time they got to see each other every day. Eventually, she grew comfortable with being a little more flexible, and they both met halfway. This type of flexibility to difficult to cultivate, but very, very important.For more on the challenges, listen along to the episode!Solutions for Prioritizing Intimacy and SexLara says that when you have a hectic, crazy schedule due to a career, or a big family that takes a lot of your time and energy, scheduling your sex life can be very beneficial. She understands that not everyone subscribes to the method, but it can be a really useful tool for prioritizing such an important part of the relationship.And this doesn’t mean formally setting up a designated time and place for sex but keeping a somewhat fixed idea of when sex is going to happen. Because your hours might vary widely, scheduling might be hard, but as Lara states, a loose schedule is useful.She also talks about the importance of teaming up with your spouse around the house to free up more time for sex. Doing things that help create situations having sex more readily available is a great strategy.Prioritizing the RelationshipFinding things to do with one another is so important. And you can do things as a couple with the kids still around. As Lara states about the new things that she and her husband like to do together, to see each other anew on a consistent basis, they are vital for broadening and deepening the relationship. And it also has considerable carryover to a better sex life.And all of these activities don’t have to revolve around lavish excursions to exotic places; they can take place at home, through simple means and through simple acts of affection and connection. For much more on this beautiful idea, listen to Lara describe it.No Such Thing as Happily Ever After!

My guest Lara McElderry knows all about the struggles of being married to a surgeon: the crazy hours, the extensive amount of time spent in training, and the toll it can take on any relationship dynamic. And in this episode, she offers up her time and provides some tips and advice for those who might be in the middle of a similar situation. It doesn’t matter if a medical related position or not, all careers have the potential to be disruptive to a relationship and there are ways around sacrificing the longevity and health of your love and sex life.Lara went to school for Family and Consumer Science and has a master’s degree in teaching from the University of Arkansas. And she lives in Missouri with her trauma surgeon husband and her children. Listen along and enjoy!Married to DoctorsLara begins this episode with some important details about her marriage and how despite the unique aspects of it and the stressful medical school, training, and moving that it entailed, that she still learned how to achieve the proper balance of intimacy with her husband. Now she now has a podcast called Married to Doctors and has learned some valuable things along the way about intimacy and relationships.The Challenges That Demanding Careers Can Have on RelationshipsWhen talking about her marriage with her trauma surgeon husband, the biggest challenge that she highlights is the difference in responsibilities that arise from different perspectives, careers, and work dynamics. Like many relationships, Lara was a stay-at-home mom and found it challenging to work with her husband coming home from work and wanting to spend intimate time with her almost immediately.But as she said, she soon realized that it was ok to leave the dishes dirty, and X and Y and Z unattended, even though she struggled with doing so. Especially because she grew up in a household where sleep was foregone if the dishes weren’t done or other responsibilities weren’t taken care of.In her husband’s eyes, there was only a small amount of time they got to see each other every day. Eventually, she grew comfortable with being a little more flexible, and they both met halfway. This type of flexibility to difficult to cultivate, but very, very important.For more on the challenges, listen along to the episode!Solutions for Prioritizing Intimacy and SexLara says that when you have a hectic, crazy schedule due to a career, or a big family that takes a lot of your time and energy, scheduling your sex life can be very beneficial. She understands that not everyone subscribes to the method, but it can be a really useful tool for prioritizing such an important part of the relationship.And this doesn’t mean formally setting up a designated time and place for sex but keeping a somewhat fixed idea of when sex is going to happen. Because your hours might vary widely, scheduling might be hard, but as Lara states, a loose schedule is useful.She also talks about the importance of teaming up with your spouse around the house to free up more time for sex. Doing things that help create situations having sex more readily available is a great strategy.Prioritizing the RelationshipFinding things to do with one another is so important. And you can do things as a couple with the kids still around. As Lara states about the new things that she and her husband like to do together, to see each other anew on a consistent basis, they are vital for broadening and deepening the relationship. And it also has considerable carryover to a better sex life.And all of these activities don’t have to revolve around lavish excursions to exotic places; they can take place at home, through simple means and through simple acts of affection and connection. For much more on this beautiful idea, listen to Lara describe it.No Such Thing as Happily Ever After!

My guest on today’s show is Stephanie Beuhler. She’s a licensed therapist, AASECT certified sex therapist, a graduate of UCLA and Pepperdine (among others), and a best-selling writer who has authored many enlightening books on sexuality and sex therapy, including intimacy in particular which her book Counseling Couples Before, During, and After Pregnancy: Sexuality and Intimacy Issues, touches on. She has also extended her prolific leanings with more academic-centered projects for textbooks and journals.And most important of all, she is extremely passionate and caring towards her patients regarding topics of sexuality, cancer survivors, and infertility issues. And this episode will dive into how infertility can affect couples and the many approaches towards mitigating the challenges that can arise. Stephanie Beuhler is an amazing guest and an even more amazing provider of insight and illumination on the topic. Enjoy!Some of the Manifestations of Infertility Issues in Sex LivesA lot of couples who are struggling with the issue of infertility usually complain about just how robotic the act feels. You go to a doctor, you track the most opportune times for conception, and you work on it.Stephanie says that sex than can feel like a ‘job’ for many people. Instead of sex being this freeing and liberating thing, it is largely a matter of sticking to a schedule and punching the time card. It can be very discouraging to have difficulties getting pregnant and then having the sexual issues poured on top of that.In short, the pressure to perform on demand can lead to erectile dysfunction in men. The stress that accumulates from peers who are having kids, from parents who want grandkids, all of those factors can have very detrimental effects on the quality of relationships. Fortunately, there are solutions and ways to manage these issues and approach infertility through a healthier lens.Same-Sex Couples and Infertility-Type IssuesStephanie states that it is a different dynamic between same-sex couples because they go into the process knowing that they will either be getting a sperm donation, a surrogate mother or adopting. But this also comes with its fair share of complications and stresses.Many times, it’s hard to know what choice is best for the couple. And the process for adoption can be a very time-consuming and expensive process.While talking on this subject, Stephanie shares a very interesting stat and trend for LGBT couples and birth rates--in fact, on birth rates in general. Listen along to hear her speak on the topic.The Most Common Sexual Problems for WomenStephanie talks of painful vaginal intercourse for women being of the many problems that can arise for women, which leads to a lack of possibility for pregnancy. And this is described and represented under the diagnosis of vaginismus.Vaginismus means that intercourse is not possible for women because of past traumas or often, there is no single distinguishing cause and can happen without any pattern or correlative reason. It can lead to extreme pain during sex, and even the insertion of tampons can become impossible for women with vaginismus.Stephanie goes into much more detail during the episode. And it is important stuff to be aware of.Sexual Problems for MenThe problems for men usually range from low desire, premature ejaculation, to erectile dysfunction. And when talking about erectile dysfunction, it can be caused by the pressure of trying to get pregnant and just how crucial the timing can be. And maybe, as Stephanie states, it can even be the result of the ambivalence of the man who may be second-guessing having children in the first place.And even the financial aspects of having a kid can lead to erectile dysfunction. In fact, Stephanie states that it is one of the biggest reasons why many men develop...

My guest on today’s show is Stephanie Beuhler. She’s a licensed therapist, AASECT certified sex therapist, a graduate of UCLA and Pepperdine (among others), and a best-selling writer who has authored many enlightening books on sexuality and sex therapy, including intimacy in particular which her book Counseling Couples Before, During, and After Pregnancy: Sexuality and Intimacy Issues, touches on. She has also extended her prolific leanings with more academic-centered projects for textbooks and journals.And most important of all, she is extremely passionate and caring towards her patients regarding topics of sexuality, cancer survivors, and infertility issues. And this episode will dive into how infertility can affect couples and the many approaches towards mitigating the challenges that can arise. Stephanie Beuhler is an amazing guest and an even more amazing provider of insight and illumination on the topic. Enjoy!Some of the Manifestations of Infertility Issues in Sex LivesA lot of couples who are struggling with the issue of infertility usually complain about just how robotic the act feels. You go to a doctor, you track the most opportune times for conception, and you work on it.Stephanie says that sex than can feel like a ‘job’ for many people. Instead of sex being this freeing and liberating thing, it is largely a matter of sticking to a schedule and punching the time card. It can be very discouraging to have difficulties getting pregnant and then having the sexual issues poured on top of that.In short, the pressure to perform on demand can lead to erectile dysfunction in men. The stress that accumulates from peers who are having kids, from parents who want grandkids, all of those factors can have very detrimental effects on the quality of relationships. Fortunately, there are solutions and ways to manage these issues and approach infertility through a healthier lens.Same-Sex Couples and Infertility-Type IssuesStephanie states that it is a different dynamic between same-sex couples because they go into the process knowing that they will either be getting a sperm donation, a surrogate mother or adopting. But this also comes with its fair share of complications and stresses.Many times, it’s hard to know what choice is best for the couple. And the process for adoption can be a very time-consuming and expensive process.While talking on this subject, Stephanie shares a very interesting stat and trend for LGBT couples and birth rates--in fact, on birth rates in general. Listen along to hear her speak on the topic.The Most Common Sexual Problems for WomenStephanie talks of painful vaginal intercourse for women being of the many problems that can arise for women, which leads to a lack of possibility for pregnancy. And this is described and represented under the diagnosis of vaginismus.Vaginismus means that intercourse is not possible for women because of past traumas or often, there is no single distinguishing cause and can happen without any pattern or correlative reason. It can lead to extreme pain during sex, and even the insertion of tampons can become impossible for women with vaginismus.Stephanie goes into much more detail during the episode. And it is important stuff to be aware of.Sexual Problems for MenThe problems for men usually range from low desire, premature ejaculation, to erectile dysfunction. And when talking about erectile dysfunction, it can be caused by the pressure of trying to get pregnant and just how crucial the timing can be. And maybe, as Stephanie states, it can even be the result of the ambivalence of the man who may be second-guessing having children in the first place.And even the financial aspects of having a kid can lead to erectile dysfunction. In fact, Stephanie states that it is one of the biggest reasons why many men develop...

As my guest Ellen Dechesne relates during this episode, sex in your later years, what is defined as the ‘third stage’ of your life, is a very important and relevant topic to consider.A self-proclaimed late bloomer for hitting sexual milestones and other life events, sex has nonetheless been a very central part of Ellen’s life since her birth around the advent of the sexual revolution in the U.S. And very recently, Ellen was a baby boomer who was dating in her 60’s to go on and eventually find the guy of her dreams.And so, through listening to this all-important perspective on the sexual needs of older people, Ellen will teach you of the attention and awareness that needs to be given to this facet of life. And in fact, she offers a very encouraging testament to the longevity of sexual experience we can continue to have well within the later years of our lives.A Different Emphasis in the Early YearsAs Ellen states near the beginning of the interview, she didn’t necessarily reach or experience her sexual potential until she was in her later years. At first, she wanted to emphasize relationships and raising a family far more than being aspirational about sex. And despite acknowledging that she had plenty of opportunities to take more risks with sex and strive for something much more fulfilling, she didn’t actively seek it until later.Younger MenIn her 30’s, Ellen talks about how she discovered the distinct joys of being sexually active with younger men, which she attributes to their enthusiasm to be with an older woman who knows what she wants. And Ellen wants to remind women who approach their 50’s and who are still single, to consider dating a younger man (even quite a bit younger). The older woman/younger man dynamic is fully supported by Ellen!Marriages, Children, and her TransformationShe was married for the first time at the age of 39 and then again a couple of years later that led to her becoming the diplomatic wife of an economist. Her son was born when she was 41, and her daughter at 46. And it was after a sexless marriage that Ellen decided it wasn’t working and the marriage ended.Once she hit her mid-50’s though, part of Ellen’s transformation was spurred by her attendance at an erotica and film festival. And it was through these events and the people she met there that really opened her eyes to how one can still be sexually active despite being in your third-stage of life. She goes into much more detail within the episode. Check it out!Sex as a Self-Rescue OperationWhile all her peers were settling down and had already started raising children, Ellen found herself single and without children. She started pursuing erotic relationships as a form of self-rescue, as she puts it. That way she could stay fresh and invigorated and wouldn’t find herself resigned like some of the other middle-aged women she had encountered. And, this kept her from becoming depressed about how her previous focuses on motherhood and marriage had eluded her. And as experts have echoed, keeping sexual activity consistent makes it easier to keep pursuing erotic activities all your life. Ellen says she has reaped the rewards of that fact.Ellen Didn’t Call it QuitsOne of the most important concepts that Ellen echoes in this episode is that older women have to be resilient. If you find yourself single at an older age, don’t just give up. It may be tempting, but there is so much more sex to be had, as her actions have shown.Instead of quitting when she found herself single at 59, she went to the gym, invested money in a program that made sure she was as sexually vibrant as she could be, and found the man of her dreams shortly after. And she also provides some of the physical therapies and details on her diet and hormone replacement treatment that has helped her maintain her libido and vibrant sex life. Much more...

As my guest Ellen Dechesne relates during this episode, sex in your later years, what is defined as the ‘third stage’ of your life, is a very important and relevant topic to consider.A self-proclaimed late bloomer for hitting sexual milestones and other life events, sex has nonetheless been a very central part of Ellen’s life since her birth around the advent of the sexual revolution in the U.S. And very recently, Ellen was a baby boomer who was dating in her 60’s to go on and eventually find the guy of her dreams.And so, through listening to this all-important perspective on the sexual needs of older people, Ellen will teach you of the attention and awareness that needs to be given to this facet of life. And in fact, she offers a very encouraging testament to the longevity of sexual experience we can continue to have well within the later years of our lives.A Different Emphasis in the Early YearsAs Ellen states near the beginning of the interview, she didn’t necessarily reach or experience her sexual potential until she was in her later years. At first, she wanted to emphasize relationships and raising a family far more than being aspirational about sex. And despite acknowledging that she had plenty of opportunities to take more risks with sex and strive for something much more fulfilling, she didn’t actively seek it until later.Younger MenIn her 30’s, Ellen talks about how she discovered the distinct joys of being sexually active with younger men, which she attributes to their enthusiasm to be with an older woman who knows what she wants. And Ellen wants to remind women who approach their 50’s and who are still single, to consider dating a younger man (even quite a bit younger). The older woman/younger man dynamic is fully supported by Ellen!Marriages, Children, and her TransformationShe was married for the first time at the age of 39 and then again a couple of years later that led to her becoming the diplomatic wife of an economist. Her son was born when she was 41, and her daughter at 46. And it was after a sexless marriage that Ellen decided it wasn’t working and the marriage ended.Once she hit her mid-50’s though, part of Ellen’s transformation was spurred by her attendance at an erotica and film festival. And it was through these events and the people she met there that really opened her eyes to how one can still be sexually active despite being in your third-stage of life. She goes into much more detail within the episode. Check it out!Sex as a Self-Rescue OperationWhile all her peers were settling down and had already started raising children, Ellen found herself single and without children. She started pursuing erotic relationships as a form of self-rescue, as she puts it. That way she could stay fresh and invigorated and wouldn’t find herself resigned like some of the other middle-aged women she had encountered. And, this kept her from becoming depressed about how her previous focuses on motherhood and marriage had eluded her. And as experts have echoed, keeping sexual activity consistent makes it easier to keep pursuing erotic activities all your life. Ellen says she has reaped the rewards of that fact.Ellen Didn’t Call it QuitsOne of the most important concepts that Ellen echoes in this episode is that older women have to be resilient. If you find yourself single at an older age, don’t just give up. It may be tempting, but there is so much more sex to be had, as her actions have shown.Instead of quitting when she found herself single at 59, she went to the gym, invested money in a program that made sure she was as sexually vibrant as she could be, and found the man of her dreams shortly after. And she also provides some of the physical therapies and details on her diet and hormone replacement treatment that has helped her maintain her libido and vibrant sex life. Much more...

62: My guest is Mariah Freya, the founder of Beducated.com, which is a website and repository of online courses, resources, and tantric-infused concepts for more conscious sex. And today, Mariah stops by to share with you and demystify Yoni and Lingam massage, various aspects of how to have more conscious sex, and ultimately achieve what she calls ‘the final frontier of personal development’. This is important stuff to consider for a complete understanding of the potential of human sexuality, and so I invite you to listen along and learn.Please note that I am an affiliate for Beducated, and if you purchase courses using links provided, I will earn a commission. Thanks for your support!Conscious Versus Conventional SexSimply put by Mariah, conscious sex has more awareness and present-ness. It involves partners who are fully engaged and in tune with every sensation and moment of the act, and not disconnected. It is, in essence, mindful sex.And what Mariah acknowledges the most is that many who have sex are just rushing through things, not so much consciously but out of fear and vulnerability. This makes it hard to actively seek to be present during sex, especially if you’re uncomfortable with your naked body and feel vulnerable. Conscious sex becomes less about quickly ‘achieving’ an orgasm and more so about experiencing the full engagement and sensation of your partner in a mindful, present way. Mariah devotes more time to explain within the episode if you want to know more.Reasons for Fear of SexMariah offers some explanations for the reasons why someone may detach themselves and not experience the act in a conscious manner. She states that it’s the act of being naked and shedding that layer of defense that we are so used to having. Because we are clothed more often than not, just the simple state of nakedness can make someone feel very insecure and as if something is not normal. That self-consciousness can detract away from conscious sex.Also, Mariah states that a lot of time because of some ethical benchmarks we have carried with us or translate into the actions we take, we can often feel ashamed of our sexual desires and thus suppress them instead of exploring them in a conscious manner. This is very common. And Mariah offers more examples within the episode.How to Have a More Positive Relationship with your BodyMariah says it’s about redefining what beautiful means. A lot of our own body image is negatively reinforced because of the beauty industry or porn--where anatomical facets are inflated and exaggerated for idealistic effect.In practice, this means faking it until you make it as far as positive body image goes. You can stand in front of the mirror and just notice all of the things about your body that you don’t like. You can then notice and acknowledge those feelings and work on reframing them in a positive manner. Ask yourself, ‘what do I like about my body? What do I really cherish?”Sexuality as ‘The Last Frontier of Personal Development’Mariah truly urges you to rethink sexuality and how important it is for loving yourself and expressing yourself, especially in the personal development realm. If we never develop sexually, we are not realizing a very crucial aspect of our humanity and a powerful avenue for self-expression.Yoni and Lingam MassageBoth terms respectively have Sanskrit meanings: Yoni for Vagina and Lingam for penis. And as Mariah expounds upon, both have deeper, more descriptive meanings: Yoni means ‘the sacred temple’, and Lingam stands for “the wand of light”. And to start, it is through the positive connotations and attribution of the genitals with these descriptions that can help remove some of the negative stigmas some carry regarding their genitalia.But Mariah also states that the Lingam massage is more than just a conscious hand job. It is...

62: My guest is Mariah Freya, the founder of Beducated.com, which is a website and repository of online courses, resources, and tantric-infused concepts for more conscious sex. And today, Mariah stops by to share with you and demystify Yoni and Lingam massage, various aspects of how to have more conscious sex, and ultimately achieve what she calls ‘the final frontier of personal development’. This is important stuff to consider for a complete understanding of the potential of human sexuality, and so I invite you to listen along and learn.Please note that I am an affiliate for Beducated, and if you purchase courses using links provided, I will earn a commission. Thanks for your support!Conscious Versus Conventional SexSimply put by Mariah, conscious sex has more awareness and present-ness. It involves partners who are fully engaged and in tune with every sensation and moment of the act, and not disconnected. It is, in essence, mindful sex.And what Mariah acknowledges the most is that many who have sex are just rushing through things, not so much consciously but out of fear and vulnerability. This makes it hard to actively seek to be present during sex, especially if you’re uncomfortable with your naked body and feel vulnerable. Conscious sex becomes less about quickly ‘achieving’ an orgasm and more so about experiencing the full engagement and sensation of your partner in a mindful, present way. Mariah devotes more time to explain within the episode if you want to know more.Reasons for Fear of SexMariah offers some explanations for the reasons why someone may detach themselves and not experience the act in a conscious manner. She states that it’s the act of being naked and shedding that layer of defense that we are so used to having. Because we are clothed more often than not, just the simple state of nakedness can make someone feel very insecure and as if something is not normal. That self-consciousness can detract away from conscious sex.Also, Mariah states that a lot of time because of some ethical benchmarks we have carried with us or translate into the actions we take, we can often feel ashamed of our sexual desires and thus suppress them instead of exploring them in a conscious manner. This is very common. And Mariah offers more examples within the episode.How to Have a More Positive Relationship with your BodyMariah says it’s about redefining what beautiful means. A lot of our own body image is negatively reinforced because of the beauty industry or porn--where anatomical facets are inflated and exaggerated for idealistic effect.In practice, this means faking it until you make it as far as positive body image goes. You can stand in front of the mirror and just notice all of the things about your body that you don’t like. You can then notice and acknowledge those feelings and work on reframing them in a positive manner. Ask yourself, ‘what do I like about my body? What do I really cherish?”Sexuality as ‘The Last Frontier of Personal Development’Mariah truly urges you to rethink sexuality and how important it is for loving yourself and expressing yourself, especially in the personal development realm. If we never develop sexually, we are not realizing a very crucial aspect of our humanity and a powerful avenue for self-expression.Yoni and Lingam MassageBoth terms respectively have Sanskrit meanings: Yoni for Vagina and Lingam for penis. And as Mariah expounds upon, both have deeper, more descriptive meanings: Yoni means ‘the sacred temple’, and Lingam stands for “the wand of light”. And to start, it is through the positive connotations and attribution of the genitals with these descriptions that can help remove some of the negative stigmas some carry regarding their genitalia.But Mariah also states that the Lingam massage is more than just a conscious hand job. It is...

My guest for this episode is Dr. Valerie Rein. She is an author, psychologist, and in addition, founded Her Genius, Inc.Through her work, she has coined the term Patriarchal Stress Disorder to capture and reflect upon the historical dynamic of predominantly patriarchal power structures throughout time. And more specifically, how patriarchy has negatively affected women throughout the years, all the way up to the present. This has led to a suppression of femininity, of being expressive and celebratory about womanhood while in an open space and without fear.And because of recent understandings of genetics and inherited aspects of our recent ancestral roots, we can very well inherit traumas from certain groups. And yes, that supposes and is backed by evidence that women inherit patriarchal stress from ancestors who were suppressed and oppressed in previous generations. Both men and women can inherit certain traumas, but in this highly interesting episode, Valerie walks us through patriarchal stress in particular. You’ll really get a lot out of this one.A Missing Link to Better SexAfter working as a therapist for many years, Valerie started noticing that there were underlying traumas that could be addressed in her patients which would lead to better sex in their sex lives, depending on the various levels of resolution or therapy work. But Valerie also started noticing that women who didn’t have any particular traumas to work on were still responding as positively to the therapy as those who did. She eventually realized that there was a correlation or causative link between these invisible traumas and the fact that society has been predominantly patriarchal. This coupled with genetic transmission led to the massive breakthrough.More Than Just Better Sex!But better sex wasn’t the only benefit to come out of these type of trauma therapy. Really, it changed everything in her patients in a good way: from money flow, to professional success, to relationship wellbeing, to other various aspects, all rooted in this trauma that had been inherited from previous ancestral oppression according to exactive patriarchal structures. She goes further into detail during the episode to explain the dynamic even more!Valerie was Suffering as WellAs Valerie states, a very ironic part of this whole story and discovery was that Valerie believed herself to be untouched by the same trauma that was affecting her clients. And as she puts it, it led to a very acute suffering in her life, until she realized that yes, she was affected by the same Patriarchal Stress Disorder as the others.It took a lot of marriage counseling and the eventual end of a marriage to a very nice guy that she realized just how deeply she had been afraid to expect pleasure in a virtually sex-less marriage. She eloquently describes the situation and ties it to the disorder during the episode. Do check it out.How to Alleviate P.S.D. Through the Jailbreak SystemIn the episode, Valerie talks about her 5-step process for breaking out of the jail that modern society has placed women in. To start, just waking up and seeing the walls that enclose you, is the important first step. And within that first step, recognizing that it’s not personal. You have inherited this world, the traits and reality from your ancestors. There’s just a traumatic setup that you have inherited from your pedigree.The next step is to resolve the feelings of constantly having to self-improve. Until women step out of the revolving door of second-guessing and feelings of inferiority that have been inherited, what Valerie calls the ‘prison security system’ will keep firing. This leads to hormone imbalances and a gamut of other disorders in women.The third step is that women often bribe the prison guards. Instead of overriding the prison defense system, women often feel it necessary to work...

My guest for this episode is Dr. Valerie Rein. She is an author, psychologist, and in addition, founded Her Genius, Inc.Through her work, she has coined the term Patriarchal Stress Disorder to capture and reflect upon the historical dynamic of predominantly patriarchal power structures throughout time. And more specifically, how patriarchy has negatively affected women throughout the years, all the way up to the present. This has led to a suppression of femininity, of being expressive and celebratory about womanhood while in an open space and without fear.And because of recent understandings of genetics and inherited aspects of our recent ancestral roots, we can very well inherit traumas from certain groups. And yes, that supposes and is backed by evidence that women inherit patriarchal stress from ancestors who were suppressed and oppressed in previous generations. Both men and women can inherit certain traumas, but in this highly interesting episode, Valerie walks us through patriarchal stress in particular. You’ll really get a lot out of this one.A Missing Link to Better SexAfter working as a therapist for many years, Valerie started noticing that there were underlying traumas that could be addressed in her patients which would lead to better sex in their sex lives, depending on the various levels of resolution or therapy work. But Valerie also started noticing that women who didn’t have any particular traumas to work on were still responding as positively to the therapy as those who did. She eventually realized that there was a correlation or causative link between these invisible traumas and the fact that society has been predominantly patriarchal. This coupled with genetic transmission led to the massive breakthrough.More Than Just Better Sex!But better sex wasn’t the only benefit to come out of these type of trauma therapy. Really, it changed everything in her patients in a good way: from money flow, to professional success, to relationship wellbeing, to other various aspects, all rooted in this trauma that had been inherited from previous ancestral oppression according to exactive patriarchal structures. She goes further into detail during the episode to explain the dynamic even more!Valerie was Suffering as WellAs Valerie states, a very ironic part of this whole story and discovery was that Valerie believed herself to be untouched by the same trauma that was affecting her clients. And as she puts it, it led to a very acute suffering in her life, until she realized that yes, she was affected by the same Patriarchal Stress Disorder as the others.It took a lot of marriage counseling and the eventual end of a marriage to a very nice guy that she realized just how deeply she had been afraid to expect pleasure in a virtually sex-less marriage. She eloquently describes the situation and ties it to the disorder during the episode. Do check it out.How to Alleviate P.S.D. Through the Jailbreak SystemIn the episode, Valerie talks about her 5-step process for breaking out of the jail that modern society has placed women in. To start, just waking up and seeing the walls that enclose you, is the important first step. And within that first step, recognizing that it’s not personal. You have inherited this world, the traits and reality from your ancestors. There’s just a traumatic setup that you have inherited from your pedigree.The next step is to resolve the feelings of constantly having to self-improve. Until women step out of the revolving door of second-guessing and feelings of inferiority that have been inherited, what Valerie calls the ‘prison security system’ will keep firing. This leads to hormone imbalances and a gamut of other disorders in women.The third step is that women often bribe the prison guards. Instead of overriding the prison defense system, women often feel it necessary to work...

My guest is Mark Schoen. He is a prolific sex-education filmmaker--he has made over 50 of them!--and still very productive and skilled at his important work in the industry. As his focus attests, educating the general public about sexual topics is always necessary. We can never have enough sexual education throughout the world, so what Mark does is extremely important for making the world a better, more fulfilling, and more demystified place when we talk about sexuality and the whole spectrum of the subject. And although he originally thought he was going to be a hockey player, luckily for the world he realized his full potential in the sexual education sphere.He is the founder and organizer of SexSmartFilms and has been making sexual health films since 1974. In addition to the numerous awards he has won for his work, he is an AASECT Certified Sexuality Educator and an award-winning author. And this is just the tip of the iceberg! For an enlightening talk on his fascinating life, you would be hard pressed to find a better exemplar of how sexual education should be done. Great stuff!How Mark got his Start as a Sexual EducatorAs Mark states, his first encounter with the discipline was as a health educator. Soon it became required for him to teach a group of 12 and13-year-olds the nature of sexually transmitted diseases. But to his chagrin, the curriculum was presenting sexuality through the lens of disease instead of a more positive light. Alarmed by this frame of reference for the subject, Mark decided to appeal for a full class on sexuality that would frame sexuality in a much more positive light. In addition, the class would also be a thorough analysis of the subject and not a quick gloss over the mandatory details. Mark says much more on the topic near the beginning of the interview.Bellybuttons Are NavelsAs Mark’s career started taking off, in the pre-internet 70’s mind you, he started getting much more involved in the sexual health realm. Eventually, he wrote a very important children's book called Bellybuttons Are Navels, which explored the anatomical differences between a boy and a girl. A pretty radical concept considering that sexual education when Mark had just gotten started was basically anatomy 101 and didn’t explore the nuances and complexity of sexual development, function, and the psychological aspects of sex. Regardless, Bellybuttons Are Navels was published in 1990 and became the first children’s book to use the word clitoris. For more on this part of Mark’s career listen along to the episode!His Recent FilmsAs Mark recounts, he was blown away by the reception and praise for his 2012 film Trans. And during the talk, he shares a completely heartwarming story of a parent of a transgender child and just how much the film changed her perspective on transsexuality. Mark also shares a scary statistic on the suicide rate of the transgender population, so films like Trans serve an extremely important function that can bridge the gap on loneliness in the community and increase understanding for the ready assimilation and integration of the trans-community. With more work like Mark’s, there will be less transgender people on the fringe, and more in the center. Really impactful stuff here!The Challenges of Films Becoming OutdatedSexSmartFilms, Mark’s website, and enterprise is a repository of sexual education films and resources that are online and can be accessed like the Netflix of sexual health. But the problem with making movies in-house and really just filmmaking, in general, is that hairstyles go out of style, clothes go out of trend, and of course, even the camera quality and look of the entire film can quickly look obsolete. This becomes distracting for some people and can even detract from the overall trust that one places in the information presented. Who's to say that the information isn’t as outdated as the clothing...